Category Archives: M3 Model

DHV The Group, NOT The Target

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Get in the driver’s seat and take the WHOLE group for a fun ride.

I was re-reading parts of The Game, and I had a revelation. When you DHV, don’t DHV to the target. DHV to the guys and to the ugly girls. The target? Ignore her.

Here’s the idea behind this…

Beautiful Women Aren’t Different From Anyone Else

“10”

Let’s talk about beautiful women for a sec. I’m talking about the most UNUSUALLY beautiful women. The 9’s and 10’s. The ones you don’t see everyday, and when you do see one you lose the ability to remember your name.

These women are so outstandingly beautiful that a lot of us guys think we have to treat them differently. We’re either too afraid to talk to them, and just stand by the sidelines and stare… Or we give her all sorts of compliments and buy her drinks and dinner.

As you know and I know, that ain’t gonna work to attract them.

When dealing with these freaks of nature, the thing to keep in mind is… they’re used to getting lots of attention, just because of their physical appearance. They’re used to being treated special because of their physical beauty, and not appreciated for their inner qualities.

On the one hand, it’s lonely being beautiful. No one sees her for who she is. Her beauty creates distance from everyone else.

On the other hand, she also wants to be UNUSUALLY beautiful, and she wants you to know it.

Look at the hours and dollars she spends making herself with makeup, getting her skin soft, smelling good, getting her hair done, choosing just the right outfit, buying the right shoes, obsessing about her weight, removing hair in weird places, even in some cases getting plastic surgery.

Girls spend a lot of time and money looking beautiful

And acting the part of someone with an air of untouchable beauty.

Beauty gives women power. Why? Because their beauty makes a lot of us guys give our “power” away to them.

She wants to be the most beautiful woman in the room, and when we approach her, she wants to reject us. It makes her feel important.

So, the idea is to do the opposite of putting her on a pedestal. You CHALLENGE her.

In the case of Mystery’s  Method, when you approach a group of people that has that INCREDIBLY beautiful woman in it… remember, women are rarely found alone… that means you actually pay attention to everyone else in the group, but her. And if she says anything TEASE her.

The message is: “You’re not getting special treatment from me just because you’re beautiful. You’re a human being just like the rest of us. ”

This creates a HUGE challenge. I mean for her, most guys are just this blur of compliments, sexual predatoriness, or approval-seeking. So when she find a guy who treats her like a human being just like everyone else, he STANDS OUT. He’s the type of a guy she doesn’t come across everyday. She does a double take. She’s attracted.

The Basic Format To All Approaches, By Mystery

Mystery smiling large

So, let me share with you the passage that gave me this revelation. It’s a handout Mystery used to hand out to his workshops. You can see it on page 35 of The Game. It’s his basic format to his all his approaches.

1. Smile when you walk into a room. See the group with the target and follow the three-second rule. Do not hesitate–approach instantly.

2. Recite a memorized opener, if not two or three in a row.

3. The opener should open the group, not just the target. When talking, ignore the target for the most part. If there are men in the group, focus your attention on the men.

4. Neg the target with one of the slew of negs we’ve come up with. Tell her, “It’s so cute. Your nose wiggles when you laugh.” Then get her friends to notice and laugh about it.

5. Convey personality to the entire group. Do this by using stories, magic, anecdotes, and humor. Pay particular attention to the men and the less attractive women. During this time, the target will notice that you are the center of attention. You may perform various memorized pieces like the photo routine, but only for the obstacles.

6. Neg the target, if appropriate. If she wants to look at the pictures, for example, say “Oh my god, she’s so grabby. How do you roll with her?”

7. Ask the group, “So, how does everyone know each other?” If the target is with one of the guys, find out how long they’ve been together.

8a. If it’s a serious relationship, eject politely by saying, “Pleasure meeting you.”

8b. If she is not spoken for, say to the group, “I’ve sort of been alienating your friend. Is it all right if I speak to her for a couple of minutes?” They always say, “Uh, sure. If it’s okay with her.” If you’ve executed the preceding steps correctly, she will agree.

9. Isolate her from the group by telling her you want to show her something cool. Take her to sit with you nearby. As you lead her through the crowd, do a kino test by holding her hand. If she squeezes back, it’s on. Start looking for other IOIs.

10. Sit with her and perform a rune reading, an ESP test, or any other demonstration that will fascinate and intrigue her.

11. Tell her, “Beauty is common but what’s rare is a great energy and outlook on life. Tell me, what do you have inside that would make me want to know you as more than a mere face in the crowd?” If she begins to list qualities, this is a positive IOI.

12. Stop talking. Does she reinitiate the chat with a question that begins with the word “So?” If she does, then you’ve now seen three IOIs and can…

13. Kiss close. Say, out of the blue, “Would you like to kiss me?” If the setting or circumstances aren’t conducive to physical intimacy, then give yourself a time constraint by saying, “I have to go, but we should continue this.” Then get her number and leave.

Mystery’s negs. From page 35 of “The Game,” by Neil Strauss

Sample Script (Mystery)

You can find all routines here “My Routines Collection.”

1. Smile when you enter the room. Open within 3 seconds.

2. Hey did you see the fight outside? (Girl Fight Story)

3. That’s so cute. Your nose wiggles when you laugh.

4. Multiple thread The Hollywood Sign Story, ESP, and a qualifier to different people:

“Do you have a good imagination? You do? I want you to think of a number from 1 – 4. We’re starting small, that’s why we’re starting with you. That’s right, I said it! Do you have it in your mind? Don’t say it, just think it. The first number that pops into your head. Got it?

“I’m curious about something before we get to that. Is there more to you than meet the eye? I mean, don’t get a big head. There’s a lot of beautiful people around us, right? Beauty is very common. Would you not agree? You know what’s really rare?

“Are you thinking of that number? Focusing? 3. Nice! (or, if incorrect “And that’s why ESP is bullshit.”) Let’s up the stakes (or let’s try it again). Pick a number this time from 1 -10. You got it? Nice.

“Oh, by the way, have you ever been to the Hollywood sign? (You can create your own variation of this story based on something similar to the Hollywood sign in your hometown. For example, everywhere there’s a place where you get away from it all to look at the stars.) Have you ever gone to the base of it? Have you climbed up to it? Well, I went with a lovely girl (preselection switch) at the time and went up to the sign. It takes a good 40 minutes and you have to climb a fence. Next time  you go, bring good shoes that will get you up there with no problem. Because you don’t want to get up there with leather shoes like I did, like a moron. That was my learning experience. But when you’re up there you can see all of Hollywood in one eye shot and it really gives you the clarity that anything is possible if you dream. Then you see it all in one eye shot. It’s inspiring.

“You got that number in your mind? 7. Nice. See, what’s really rare is a great outlook and a great personality, a great energy. That’s rare. You’ve got 2 out of 3. That’s a great start.”

5. So, how does everyone know each other?

6a. Pleasure meeting you.

OR

6b. I’ve sort of been alienating your friend. Is it all right if I speak to her for a couple of minutes?

7. I want to show you something cool.

8. Kino hand-squeeze test as you lead her through crowd.

9. Have you ever done of The Cube? (The Cube)

10. Stop talking… she reinitiates the conversation.

11. Would you like to kiss me?

12. I have to go, we should continue this. Get her number. (OR Bounce her: Let’s get back to your friends. There’s a great place across the street. We should go with you and your friends.)

Sample Script (Style)

1. Smile when you enter the room. Open within 3 seconds

2. Hey, let me get your take on something. I’ve only got a sec but… (Jealous Girlfriend)

3. Wow, you guys are like from the View. This one I can tell we would NOT get along.

4. Multiple thread Ring Routine, The Best Friend Test, C & U Smiles:

“I have to ask before I run. Do you always wear a ring on that finger? The reason I’m asking is the finger a person chooses to put a ring on says something about their personality. The fact you wear a ring on that finger says something fascinating about you. Let me see your hand. Back in ancient Greece, each mound represented a different god. And a person back then would put a ring on the associated finger to honor that god.

“Oh my God, hold on a sec. How long have you known each other? See I knew that! Well, for one, you have the same exact smile. And for two, well, I’ll just give you the Best Friend Test. Ready? Do you use the same shampoo? (They look at each other first) You don’t even have to answer, you already passed.  You looked at each other before even answering the question. You just did it again. And again. See, if you weren’t close, you’d keep eye contact with me. But when two people have a connection, they make eye contact first, even over something as mundane as shampoo. Nice.

“Okay, so the rings. Very interesting what it says about each of you. The thumb represented Hades, the god of the underworld. He was one of the few gods that lived separate from Mount Olympus, just like the thumb is separate from the other fingers. So, someone who wears a ring on this finger is independent and doesn’t like to follow other people’s trends. Instead, they like to make their own.

“The index finger was Zeus, and he was the king of the gods. And just like when a mother is scolding their daughter (act this out), someone who wears a ring on this finger has an inclination to take charge.

“The middle finger was Dionysus, the god of wine and partying and having a great time. And just like this finger represents something that’s not G-rated, someone who wears a ring on this finger has a little bit of a wild side. So, watch out for her. She’s trouble.

“Haha. Smile for me again? You have a U Smile! That’s awesome. Well there’s U smiles and C smiles. The U Smile is when you smile and your teeth go straight back into your mouth like a horse. And the C Smile is when you smile and all you see is a row of pearly whites in the front. If you ever look on the cover of like Cosmo or Glamour, the girl always has a C Smile. You have a U smile, but don’t worry, I still think you’re hot… in that short school bus sort of way. *smile*

“So, the ring finger is one of the coolest. This was Aphrodite, the goddess of love. And you can look this up, it’s true. This finger is the only one that has a vein that goes straight to your heart without branching off. (demo line going from finger to her heart). So anyone who wears a ring on this finger is actually making a direct connection with their heart. That’s why to this day we’ll wear our wedding ring on this finger.

“Finally, the pinky finger was Ares, the god of war. And you’ll notice a lot of mobsters will wear their ring on this finger. Someone who wears a ring on this finger has some inner turmoil or conflict within. They like to fight. And if you had given someone a pinky ring back then it mean ‘fuck you’ or ‘go to hell.’

“And for someone who doesn’t wear rings, like me that meant you were aligned with Hermes. He was one of the most mischievous of the gods. And he was the one that flew from Mount Olympus to earth. So, someone who doesn’t wear rings is open-minded, loves to travel, likes to be helpful, but has a little bit of a mischievous side. And that’s definitely me. But your personality is… Any truth to that? Pretty cool, right? You guys are awesome.”

5. So, how do you all know each other?

6a. Pleasure meeting you.

OR

6b. I’ve sort of been alienating your friend. Is it all right if I speak to her for a couple of minutes?

7. I want to show you something cool. Have you ever done the Cube? (You could also do EV or Secret Self here too)

8. Beauty is common.

9. Stop talking.

10. Evolution Phase Shift Routine.

11. I have to go, but we should continue this… or bounce her and her friends

Sample Script (Brad P)

1. Smile when you enter the room. Open within 3 seconds.

2. You look familiar. Do you like horses? (Tell the story to the whole group)

3. Do you mind if I talk to your friend for a sec?

4. Have you ever had your palm read? (Brad P’s Palm Reading)

5. Beauty is common…

6. Stop talking

7. On a scale of 1 – 10, how good of a kisser are you?

8. I have to go, but we should continue this… or bounce her

Sample Script (My own)

1. Smile when you enter the room. Open within 3 seconds.

2. I have this rule that whenever I see someone attractive I have to at least say hi.

3. Quit looking at my chest my eyes are up here.

4. You guys seem really cool. My passion in life is writing. Are you passionate? What’s something you guys enjoy doing?

6. I’m making her my new girlfriend. We’re gonna fly to Vegas tomorrow and get married. You can be Catwoman, and I’ll be Batman. It’ll be awesome.

7. Do you mind if I talk to her for a sec?

8. I want to show you something really cool. Someone just did this with me recently. It’s a great, quick way to get to know someone. In fact, a lot of people don’t even know this about themselves. (Use her answer about passion as a springboard to Style’s EV)

9. Beauty is common…

10. Stop talking.

11. Brush hair out of face, and kiss.

12. We should continue this, and get her number… or bounce her.

Conclusion

Next time you go out, try out any of the scripts I’ve given you that’s most aligned with your personality.

When you deliver the DHV, make sure to do it to the ones you’re NOT interested in. Make eye contact with EVERYONE. Your target? Neg her. This allows you to convey your personality and win over her friends. And with the target, the negs/banter/cocky-funny lines create sexual tension and show her you’re that rare man that’s interested more in a woman’s inner beauty than her superficial, external shell.

Very nice.

DHV to the whole group, not to the target.

“Six Characteristics of an Alpha Male,” By Mystery

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1. “The number one characteristic of an alpha male is the smile. Smile when you enter a room. As soon as you walk in a club, the game is on. And by smiling, you look like you’re together, you’re fun, and you’re somebody.

2. “Be well-groomed.”

Shower. Soap yourself at least three times to smell really clean. Brush your teeth. Make sure your breath smells good. Carry gum if you have to. Put on a great smelling deodorant. If you’re going to put on cologne, make sure it’s just a DAB. Have your fashion together: wear at least one interesting item of clothing. If you look average, you’re going to get average girls. Alpha males don’t blend in, they stand out. At the very least, dress the best you can.

3. “Possess a sense of humor.”

See my post “Flirting” for more info on this. Banter, cocky-funny, and negs are all great techniques to make women laugh in an attractive way.

4. “Connect with people.”

Don’t do all the talking. Listen. That means get where a person is coming from. Put yourself in their shoes. Also, at bottom, every person wants to feel important. Don’t knock people down. Make people feel important.

5. “Be the social center of a room.”

See my post “The Key To Picking Up Chicks Is Not Picking Them Up” for more on this. Mystery is famous for saying “there are the observers and the observed. Be the observed.” The three second rule isn’t just opening the first attractive women you see. It means opening the first people you see period. Talk to everyone, even if it’s a simple “How’s your night going?” Bartenders, Bouncers, ugly girls, guys. Be the social center of a room.

6. “Confidence.”

Confidence comes from competence. You’re the prize. You’re the selector. Not her. If you don’t know this about yourself yet, fake it till you make. Dwell on your positive attributes and your accomplishments (not your drawbacks and failures). Keep telling yourself you’re the catch and she’s lucky talking with you. That belief translates into confidence. And women will smell it off you like cologne.

You can find these six characteristics in “The Game” by Neil Strauss (page 21-22).

For now, practice smiling when you enter a room. When you’re walking down the street, give a smile to at least three people. And next time you’re at a register, ask the cashier “how’s your day going?” or try out a banter line on her. You’ll be on your way to developing confidence, and the characteristics of an alpha male.

Create Attraction By Walking Away

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This is such a simple technique, but a lot of guys don’t do it.

Ready for it?

Walk away.

Simple as that.

You can do this when you approach a woman. And you can do it when you’re on a day 2 with her.

Tell me if you’ve ever felt this way when you’re on a Day 2 with her.

You walk into a local shop together to look around, and you feel like you have to be attached to her hip every step of the way.

Ever done that before? I know I have.

Yikes.

Luckily, you don’t have to do that. In fact, DON’T.

Walk away. Give her a little space. Check out something that catches your eye, then rejoin her.

You’ll be WAAAAAAAAY more attractive if you do.

Same exact thing on the approach.

God knows I’ve made this mistake. Tell me if it sounds familiar.

You see a hot girl with a friend or two walking to a bar. You stop them, and you stand perfectly square across from the hot one, with your feet planted in the cement like you were a statue and you deliver your entire opener to her, completely ignoring the other girls.

Then you wonder why the hot girl is looking for an escape, and why her friends are trying to drag her away.

Okay, so obviously ignoring the friends = bad. Make eye contact with every person in the group. Wanna keep everyone’s attention? Hello eye contact.

And then of course, don’t plant your feet into the pavement. What, are you a tree now? And don’t have your body perfectly square to one girl.

Walk away.

Have your feet and your body face away from her, as if you’re about to leave. Better yet, stand side by side with one of the girls.

Ahhhhh. Much better. And much friendlier.

After you deliver your opener, walk away if you have to. You can always notice something else, like their ring, and continue the conversation with something like the ring routine.

Or if you run into them again, you can say hi. No longer strangers. Nice.

And of course, if you walk away, there’s a good chance they’ll want to reengage you.

Why?

There’s something about walking away that creates attraction.

You don’t have to be the most incredibly polite person the world has ever seen. You can be a normal human being. And walk away.

We pursue that which retreats. The negative space creates attraction. A negative pole draws in the positive. Giving her that space makes her feel more comfortable, and it allows her to come to you.

That’s what I’m talking about.

Get Ego Out Of The Way

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No ego here. Just play.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to learn this learn this lesson. I’m still learning it. It’s a mindset. And it’s huge.

When you’re picking her up, get ego out of the way.

What does that mean?

Get “I’m so awesome” depending on her liking you out of your head. And get “I suck” depending on her scoffing you out of your head.

As if you want to be liked by her SO MUCH. Who’s she to be the judge of you? You know who you are. Be the one who likes HER first. Don’t wait for her to like you.

After all, who cares what she thinks of you? Like yourself. That’s all you need. Then you can worry about liking her.

What is it about ego that trips us up? Maybe it makes us focused on how we look on the outside, rather than who we really are from the inside. Not sure.

Just give her feeling good. Not in order to be liked. Not to kiss her ass. But, just to give. No strings attached. Not to get a trophy. Not to “get” her. Just to spread the good “spirit” you feel within to the world. ‘Cause it’s overflowing anyway.

We all want to feel important. But just as a gentleman lets a woman enter a building first, and lets her come first in bed, let her feel this first during a pickup. Give feeling good to her.

Make the pickup about HER, not you.

The word “Slut” is Bullshit

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Let’s talk about “Last Minute Resistance” for a sec.

There’s a myth about this.

The myth is you have to deal with a woman’s last minute resistance to having sex with you right before sex.

Of course getting that last minute resistance does happen.

But if you deal with last minute resistance EARLIER in your game, by eliminating the word “slut” from your vocabulary, you won’t have to deal with the resistance so late.

Often times her resistance has to do with not feeling comfortable enough having sex after meeting you so soon.

She doesn’t want to be seen as a “slut.” If she resists, it makes her feel like she’s not being slutty.

She needs to feel like it “just happened”…

you’re not going to judge her…

her friends aren’t going to judge her…

you’re not going to never call her again…

you’re not going to broadcast the news over the internet.

So, make it clear having sex is AWESOME! It DOES NOT EQUAL slut. And take the decision-making process out of her hands. YOU take the lead, so she doesn’t have to take responsibility for it. Make it so that she can tell her friends “it just happened” or “it was his fault.”

Most important, make it clear earlier during your comfort-building conversation you respect women who are adventurous, spontaneous, who love sex. Plant that seed early on and she’ll be less likely to resist sex later on at the last minute.

When you’re NON-JUDGMENTAL, you AVOID last minute resistance, and you make her feel comfortable with sex.

But that’s not the only reason you should eliminate the word “slut” from your vocabulary.

Honest-to-God the whole concept is…

Bullshit.

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T.

BULLSHIT!

There’s no equivalent word for a man. I mean the word is derogatory. It’s an insult for women. What word is there in our language to insult men for sleeping with lots of women?

What’s that you say?

Male slut? Pimp? Ladies’ Man?

Compliments. All of ’em.

Why? Why is it a compliment for men to sleep with lots of women but it’s wrong for women to have that same freedom?

In logic, when two premises collide like this, it’s called inconsistency. Inconsistency is an invalid argument.

Language is funny. You can actually create a reality out of language.

What do I mean?

Man and woman having sex. Sheer fact. Nothing good, nothing bad about it.

Then you apply the word “slut” to the woman.

All of a sudden, it makes a woman feel uneasy, nervous, guilty… basically like shit… for something that’s…

JUST FUCKING SEX!

A FACT of life… that BOTH the man and woman are doing.

A fact of life that’s creative, pleasurable, brings life into the world, binds people together, loving.

A fact of life that’s GORGEOUS.

Slut = moralistic judgment based on a human construction, not reality.

The word “slut” is bullshit. The sooner you get rid of that thinking, the sooner women will want to fuck your brains out.

Make her feel safe. A no-slut zone does just that.

Han Solo, Rhett Butler, and Cocky-Funny

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Ever wondered what cocky-funny looks like?

Cocky-funny is like cleavage.

Cocky-funny, for those of you who don’t know, is the technique David DeAngelo made famous in his ebook “Double Your Dating.” The idea isn’t to kiss girls’ asses. It’s to play a certain character. A guy who’s cocky, and pushes the girl away, playfully.

Basically, it’s banter. But it’s magic when it comes to creating sexual tension.

Totally counter-intuitive, because you’d think being the perfect gentleman and being super-nice and perfect attracts chicks. Uh-uh. The reality is pushing her away, being the cocky guy who doesn’t take himself too seriously is what attracts women.

Especially when you first approach women. Banter. Within the first two sentences. You wouldn’t think it works. It’s scary because you think you’re being mean or something. But believe you me. It’s magic.

If you want to see cocky-funny in action, check out Han Solo with Leia, especially in Empire Strikes Back.

Or Rhett with Scarlett in Gone With the Wind.

Sexual tension, pulling her in and pushing her away and believing you’re the catch, is the key to creating attraction with women.

Approach Anxiety and The Bullshit of Evolutionary Psychology

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Evolutionary psychology.

AHAHAHAHAAHA!

Yet the pickup community LOVES it. Holy moly. It’s like their religion.

Listen to how they use it to explain approach anxiety.

Once upon a time, long, long ago, our ancestors used to live in caves and in small communities. If you approached a woman back then and it went badly, you were ostracized. A gene for approach anxiety was created in the body of all men. That’s why today we experience approach anxiety, even though we no longer live in caves or small communities. The End.

Does anyone else see what a load of CRAP this is?

First of all, the first humans originated in the open air and deserts of Africa, not in caves.

The first humans weren’t in caves. Photo Credit: worldofweirdthings.com

But even that’s not 100% fact. Just speculation based on where bones have been found and on genetic deduction.

Second, which ancestors? Australopithecus afarensis? Homo habilis? Homo erectus? Homo heidelbergensis?

Let me pause here and say there is evidence the first homo sapien population was riskily (if that’s a word) small.

One theory says our population may have fallen as low as 10,000 people because of drought, famine, and epidemics. The theory is based on how little diversity we have in our genes compared to our nearest cousins, the primates.

Based on genetic deduction, apparently our gene pool had shrank so low that when our species expanded again, all descendants carried copies of the same limited amount of genes. That’s why they say we may have descended from a founding population of only 50 people.

I love this idea, even if it’s speculation. It shows how all of us humans have so much more IN COMMON than we have differences. That smokin’ hot woman over there? Part of our close-knit family of humanity. Nice.

And it’s also true that the population of modern humans living on this planet boggles.

But to say all men now carry a gene for approach anxiety as a result?

HAHAHAHA!

Don’t make me laugh.

That leads to the third thing.

Third, it’s IMPOSSIBLE to have a gene for approach anxiety.

Why?

Genes are simply a long sequence of nucleotides.

I’m about to geek out on you here, so watch out.

There are only four nucleotides, identified by the letters A, T, C, and G. There are thousands, sometimes tens of thousands of nucleotides in a gene and in a particular order: AATCCGGCATT and so on. I got this all from Harvard geneticist R.C. Lewontin (p. 46-50 of “Biology as Ideology”).

The long sequence serves two functions.

First, it’s a BLUEPRINT. Other long molecules copy the original sequence of A’s, T’s, C’s, and G’s. These molecules are the amino acids of a protein. They in turn make up our cells, tissues, enzymes, hormones.

A fascinating view of genes. Photo Credit: virtualmedicalcentre.com

Cool, right?

Second, genes turn on and off the production of proteins. For example, if a lactose enters the body, the gene will turn on the production of a certain protein to break down the lactose and use it as a source of energy.

Therefore, GENES ARE JUST A BLUEPRINT THAT ALLOW THE BODY TO MANUFACTURE PROTEIN!

That’s it.

So where the HELL is approach anxiety to be found?

Or the gene for alcoholism, artistic talent, homosexuality, “being good with women,” or whatever vice or virtue people try to imagine there’s a gene for?

Fourth, let’s say there was a gene for approach anxiety. There’s not, but let’s just imagine for shits and giggles.

Can you explain to me how we would ever be able to get over the anxiety? Wouldn’t that mean that we’re then determined forever and ever to have approach anxiety? Does that mean CHOICE or environment or practice or has no role anymore in shaping our destiny?

I mean, entire CULTURES of people lack approach anxiety, so how could ALL men have a gene for approach anxiety?

Example.

I live in the beautiful state of Maine in the northeast, so not the best example. Granted. Here, people have a reputation for keeping to themselves (even though not everyone here is like that).

But people from the Midwest have told me that people there tend to be far friendlier and outgoing and have less problem approaching strangers.

The same thing goes for Cuban culture. My father, who’s visited twice, used to tell me stories about how he had trouble getting to his destination on time because Cubans would approach him on his walk and stop him just to strike up a friendly conversation. Strangers aren’t “strangers” to Cubans, but friends first.

Cubans. Photo Credit: lacertilia.com

Fifth, if our ancestors lived in such small tribes, why would they have the need to approach a woman? If you live in a small enough community, wouldn’t everyone pretty much know each other already? And didn’t many of these small tribes have arranged marriages?

The whole approach anxiety thing comes from the fact you’re approaching a complete STRANGER to “court” but who might reject you. That happens in a large environment with lots of strangers and with no such thing as arranged marriages. Namely, OUR modern, industrialized culture in the West.

I’m almost done with my rant. One more thing.

The problem with evolutionary psychology is none of us were there 200,000 years ago (approximate date of earliest Homo sapiens in Africa). So talking about it like it’s the cause of our problems today must forever be called bullshit.

Worse, if we’re not careful, we’ll project our modern prejudices into biology, and pass it off as science. What I mean is, if there’s a gene for approach anxiety, there can also be a gene for warfare, sexual inequality, racism, class, and capitalist greed. These are cultural prejudices, NOT biological facts.

Personally, evolutionary psychology had never helped me understand my own approach anxiety on any meaningful level.

Okay, I’m done.

So, why is approaching women so hard?

Well, she doesn’t know you yet. As a result, she often (not always) has a “guard” up. It’s VERY intimidating.

Solution?

Banter. Give her some appreciation. Tell her who you are and why you’re talking to her. Then, ask about her.

Congrats. You’ve broken through her shield.

The more prepared I was BEFORE the approach, and the more I PRACTICED approaching, the more I mastered the anxiety.

End of story.

DON’T buy her a drink!

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Let her buy YOU a drink instead Picture Credit: datingish.com

Don’t buy women drinks. Yes, I know the rule. And I would have NEVER violated it. But ONE time it worked. Big mistake. Huge.

I violated the rule while I was becoming more successful with pickup. I opened this hot chick at a dance club–while she was dancing with her boyfriend–and she asked me to buy her a drink.

I knew the rule. But she was practically begging me.

We flirted at the bar over her drink. She wrote her number on the edge of a coaster when the other guy wasn’t looking and slipped it to me. When the club closed, she asked me to go to a strip club with her afterwards.

Schwing!

That’s when I ERRONEOUSLY thought, Maybe buying chicks drinks ain’t such a bad thing.

WRONG!

Then the next week happened.

I opened two girls at a bar. One was this bohemian type with tattoos up her arm, drunker than a sailor. The other girl was a hot brunette with big tits that were practically falling out of her tank top. Target: Big Tits.

They were giggling and touching me. Tattoo Girl went off to be drunk somewhere, and Big Tits and I started talking.

Tattoo Girl came back and said “I wish I could get another drink.”

Now the funny part was she wasn’t even saying it like she wanted me to buy her a drink. She was just thinking out loud. Normally I would have ignored the comment, but after the last week I thought, “why the hell not?” I bought shots for the three of us.

BIG MISTAKE!

The entire dynamic changed. I went from cool-guy to guy-to-take-advantage-of. The girls went from facing me, to facing away from me. The feeling was disgusting.

Luckily, I recovered. We still exchanged numbers. And we even flirted with the possibility of a threesome.

But the change of the dynamic was so nasty, and I had come so close to screwing things up, that it taught me NEVER to do it again.

Don’t buy her a drink!

That means:

a) Don’t offer to buy her a drink. She’s heard it so many times, you’ll stand out about as much as a gnat on a wall. Besides, she’ll let you buy her a drink and then you’ll never see her again.

And

b) Don’t buy her a drink if she asks you to. Instead, either ask her to buy you a drink. OR tell her you wanna get to know her first. Either way, the whole drink thing is a power game. Don’t play by the rules of this game. It’s rigged against you. And hell, why pollute the interaction with money? She should like you for you, not because you bought her something.

It’s such a ridiculous concept. Why do we have to buy her something in order for her to talk to us? Is our value as a human being that low? Or is the concept that in order to get sex we have to buy her something first, as if sex is a favor she has to do for us? Fuck, give her orgasms and she’ll be begging for it.

Whatever.

Get money out of the interaction. Money changes things. You’ll be categorized as “guy to use.”

Rule of thumb: don’t spend lots of money on her (a cup of tea’s okay) until AFTER you’ve had sex with her. Until then, keep the interaction pure.

In Bars and Clubs, The Key to Picking Up Hot Chicks is Not Picking Them Up

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Bars and clubs… where the hottest chicks go. How do you approach them in this most intimidating environment? Answer: Don’t approach ONLY hot chicks.

Let me ask you something. What’s the “3-second rule”?

Easy, right? When you see a hot girl, approach her within 3 seconds.

That’s true, and accurate.

But there’s a deeper meaning. Approach THE FIRST SET (group of people) YOU SEE within 3 seconds, regardless if there’s hot chicks in it or not.

Here’s a story from my own experience that demonstrates this.

Back when I first started learning pickup, one night I went to a loud dance club to practice.

Oh, and by the way, don’t do what I did and practice at night clubs. Practice in lounges and bars where you can actually hear yourself speak. Club game takes a whole different set of skills.

Anyway, big surprise, I wasn’t getting any interest from chicks. One girl outright said, “I’m not interested.”

I was so discouraged. I couldn’t figure out what I did. The entire following week I wracked my brain trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. It wasn’t until I sought out info from wiser guys than me that I finally figured out what happened.

I was only approaching good-looking women.

I didn’t talk to the bouncer, the bartender, any of the guys or unattractive women. As a result, I was probably coming across as on the prowl.

Worse, by the time I approached a hot chick, I was in such a “watching” mind-set (not a “talkative” one) that the approach felt forced. She probably felt a distinct “this guy is hitting on me” feeling.

No wonder I was striking out.

So, the next night I went out to a bar (that had a club attached) and I did the opposite.

To the bartender I said, “Hey, how’s your night going?”

To the bouncer I made sure to give a solid “What’s going on? Have a great night.”

I spoke to guys—who I found to be really cool and a lot easier to start a conversation with than women for some reason.

I spoke to unattractive girls.

EVERYONE.

When I went into the dance club, I didn’t stand on the sidelines to watch. I got on the dance floor and danced. Side note: I found you don’t have to be John Travolta on the dance floor. All you gotta do is move to the rhythm, and smile. And don’t grind on the girls.

When I returned to the bar I felt this incredible surge of confidence. I felt like I owned the place.

Opening hot chicks was now natural and easy. They were just another group of people in the club—no one special. And amazingly they opened up like flowers in sunshine. haha

This taught me, hands down, that the approach begins BEFORE you approach. It begins with how you feel, with your mind-state.

If your mind-state is anxious, people will feel this and be resistant.  If your mind-state is joyful, people will feel this and want to talk with you. How you feel inside ain’t separate from the approach. It’s the secret to it.

That night I number-closed two gorgeous women. One of them asked for my number because she wanted to demonstrate her blow-job skills on me. Um, let me think about that…okay.

The key to picking up chicks isn’t talking only to the hot chicks but talking to EVERYONE. Everyone.  Don’t discriminate. See a group, 3-seconds later you’re talking to them. Doesn’t have to be a long-ass conversation, a “hey, how’s your night going” does wonders.

This can even be practiced outside the club in everyday life, smiling at people, saying hi, making the cashier smile, or whatever.

Anyway, in a bar, I found people actually want to talk with you. It’s a social environment for God’s sakes! But a lot of time people are shy to break the “stranger” barrier, so they’re psyched when you have the balls to do it.

BONUS: when women see all this, they feel a lot safer when you approach them. They see you’re not after them, on the prowl. They see you’re just friendly, people like you, and that you can even get along with other guys. That’s attractive to women. Women are social value seekers, so when you talk to everyone it shows you have social value to offer them.

ANOTHER BONUS: You get in a talkative mood, and you feel like you can talk to anyone.

And check this out. When you do approach the hot chicks it doesn’t have to be fancy. You can say a quick little thing, make them laugh, and walk away. When you see them again, they feel like you’re not a stranger anymore and they’ll open right up.  You’re not a predator trying to get something from them. You’re just outgoing and fun.

Aaaaaand, you’ll look COMPLETELY different from every other guy in there, who’s just standing there gawking at the women.

But let me clarify this super-important point. You’re friendly not just in order to impress chicks and pick them up, but because it’s a blast to meet new, cool people and build a social network. It just so happens that in the process, you’ve also created attraction in women, even before you approached.

The gorgeous Olivia Palermo

 

 

 

 

Creating Attraction: A Jolt of David DeAngelo

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Quick Review of David DeAngelo.

Great passage. Page 10 – 11 in Double Your Dating:

“Females select males most of the time in nature…

“Sooooooo… when talking to women… point out that you are the selector and not the selectee… It points out something to the woman that she’s most likely NEVER HEARD FROM A MAN IN HER ENTIRE LIFE.”

It’s such a simple, but profound insight in how to create attraction in women.

Later in the book David DeAngelo also says:

“(Helitzer) said (in “Comedy Writing Secrets”) that most of being funny is the CHARACTER and not the jokes.

“The lines didn’t much matter, as long as they fit in with the character. Now that I have created this CHARACTER for myself, things are all different. Women now call me. They pursue me. They want to be around me. It’s strange and magical and weird.”

(page 52)

PLAY the CHARACTER of THE SELECTOR, even if it’s a joke. She’ll be laughing (always good) while you’ve created this implicit dichotomy between you and her. You’re pretending to be the higher-than-her male. Even if it’s just pretend, she’s still accepted the she’s-chasing-you role, which sparks attraction in her (without her realizing it). You’re just playing like you’re a kid again in a sandbox, but spicing in these masculine, sexual-selector undertones.

Re-reading this always gives me a jolt, so I want to share it with you all, too.