I want to share with you an idea that changed my thinking about how to be successful with women.
It came from p. 13 of “Double Your Dating” by David DeAngelo.
This is what he said:
“…women have a ‘shadow’ or dark side.
This dark side is secretly wanting a man that is in control of himself, his reality, and them.
But they’d never admit it – often not even to themselves.”
When I first read that, it gave me a MASSIVE jolt in my thinking.
He went on…
“But their unconscious knows and recognizes this as something that they want. They hold a kind of inner CONTEMPT for the weak people (especially men) who give them everything they want…”
A lot of us guys think we have to put a woman on a pedestal for her to like us. We have to kiss her ass. Buy her drinks at a bar to get her to talk to us. Get her flowers and jewelry to woo her. Spend lots of money on dinner before she’s even had sex with us to get sex. And later down the line if she gets upset or acts bitchy, just put up with it.
Basically, keep spoiling her like a brat.
The funny thing is, the more we do that kind of stuff, the more we turn her off. She’ll see us as “Oh, he’s just a guy I use to buy me things” or “he’s just my boy toy.” It’s counter-intuitive, but she resents and disrespects a guy who gives her too much.
I understand it’s not politically correct to say this. But what women really want is a guy who’s in charge. A guy who doesn’t put up with her bullshit and who’s not afraid to call her on it–respectfully, of course. A man who expects her to carry her own weight. Who doesn’t reward her bad behavior. Who isn’t afraid to draw boundaries.
She doesn’t want to dominate a guy. And I think you and I can agree that we don’t want to be dominated by a woman. Would that make you feel like a man? Of course not. Being in control of yourself and them (as a leader, NOT an oppressive dictator) does.
Well, good news is, a woman wants a dominate man. She might have her life together, but she still wants a man who can dominate her, someone who can rescue her, someone she can look up to. A dominate man allows her to relax, surrender, and he makes her feel like a woman.
I’ll give you a quick example.
Let’s say you approach a woman and in the middle of your opener she starts looking at her phone. Or if her friends come in, she starts talking to her friends, leaving you out.
I don’t know about you, but that’s just plain rude.
Like you, I’ve been in that situation. It sucks.
You could just go along with it.
Or, you could say something like “Hey, party’s over here” if she’s looking at her phone.
And “Introduce me to your friends, it’s the polite thing to do” if she’s talking to her friends without acknowledging you.
(Credit goes to Tyler Durgen for the first line and Mystery to the second line. I use em all the time. Veeeery effective.)
The point is, call her on her shit–respectfully.
I guarantee she’ll stop what she’s doing and she’ll make some excuse for her rudeness, then pay full attention to you. I’d put money that she’d feel more attracted to you because she might say to herself, “Here’s a man that won’t let me get away with my bullshit. This is a man I can respect.”
A woman wants a man who can take control. She doesn’t really want to be the one who has to make all the decisions or manipulate you and get her way by acting like the world revolves around her. She wants to dance with a man who takes a strong lead and who keeps her in check.
Domination is a HUGE turn on for women. You could say it’s THE key to attracting women.
Ure writing true shit but be careful with controlling mindsets as it breeds aggression, anger and even violence. Sometimes when i masterbated i get turned on by blood, like the punishment. It aint good in the deepest essence although it feels good in the moment. The women liking that shit doesnt make it better.
Its pain-pleasure cycle, a form of past pain. I think it stems from fear of conflict. Its really hard to be postive here lol.
I also think the sound of “ouch” is similiar to the moaning sound. Like when u penetrate her. She feels pain.. but she likes it. U know. So u get confused
Thanks for making me clarify this point.
In no way am I advocating a controlling mindset, aggression, anger or violence. Far, far, faaaar from it. That’s abuse and wrong.
I do advocate self-mastery and ethical assertiveness. Though I don’t know what’s in a woman’s mind, I imagine these might be qualities a woman would find attractive in a man. Why? There’s a balance between strength and kindness. And it can make a woman feel like she’s with a man.