I’ve got a good-looking friend girls like a lot, and he complained to me about this problem he had texting girls.
He’d meet a girl and the interaction goes great. They wouldn’t have had sex yet, but he likes her and she likes him. In between the first meetup and the second meetup they text. And that’s where things go wrong.
“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” he said.
“Well, let me see some of your texts.”
He showed me some of them, and here’s how they read:
“How was your day?”
“How are your classes going?”
“How are you doing?”
The girls might text back, and they’ll have a factual back-and-forth. Next thing he knows, she doesn’t text him back, and he doesn’t know what happened.
Let me give you three ideas about texting chicks that I shared with him. When he tried these ideas out, he had girls texting him back and wanting to see him the next day.
1. Avoid factual conversations.
2. Instead, play-fight. By the way, what is play-fighting? Role-playing. What role do you play? You’re the prize and she’s the one chasing you. Push her away… in a make-believe way. Or, at least be a little off-the-wall and absurd about it. This’ll make her laugh, show you’ve got an edge, and it’ll create sexual tension at the same time.
3. Probably don’t need more than 3-5 back-and-forth exchanges with her. Be the first one who’s gone, if you can. Leave her wanting more.
Here are some examples, just to jog your imagination. I want to give credit where credit is due. I learned a lot about how to text from Brad P. I highly recommend his eBook, “How To Talk To Women.”
Here are some suggestions:
“I know you haven’t been able to stop thinking about me, so I figured I’d say hi.”
“Tough love is all you get.”
“One of my friends just got ass implants. I was thinking about getting some. What’s your opinion on that?”
“Stop thinking about me.”
“I’m watching The Notebook and eating a bowl of ice cream. Don’t judge me.”
“Hello beautiful.” (20 seconds later) “Oops, texted the wrong chick.”
“What’s up creeper?”
“OMG, I just saw this squirrel in the park and it reminded me of you.”
“OMG I saw the cutest thing in a store window today! I was gonna get it for you, but I realized it was my reflection.”
“Last time I saw you, you had a booger and it was going in and out every time you breathed through your nose. Sorry I’m telling you this, I couldn’t hold it in any longer.”
“I want to do it with you. I want to get you hot and sweaty. I want to hear you breathe hard. Do you want to go jogging?”
Now, here’s what you can do RIGHT NOW to try these ideas out: (By the way, I also, found a cool blog dedicated just to this one subject: what to text a girl.)
1) Pick three of your favorite texts from this list.
2) Try them out, and watch how awesome they work.
3) Remember, role-play and make-believe. Like you’re four-years-old playing in the sandbox with her. Rather than being factual, you’re being imaginative. Play the role of the “prize” and make-believe she’s a cutie chasing you. Which means you playfully push her away.
4) You can’t interact with a girl as well on the phone as in person. So, it’s best to get off the damn phone and interact with her in person. Good rule-of-thumb: limit yourself to 3-5 back-and-forth exchanges. And if you can, be gone first.
Let’s say you’ve got a girl over your place for a Day 2. Here’s a recipe you can use to cook her dinner. You don’t have to be a chef to cook this… God knows I’m not. It’s SUPER easy, costs very little, is healthy, and delicious. Oh yeah, she’ll love you cooked for her.
Step 1. Get 2 6-ounce cuts of salmon, Extra Virgin Olive Oil Cooking Spray, lemon pepper, instant rice (or 2 potatoes), and fresh spinach (or asparagus or broccoli).
Step 2. Prepare the salmon by sprinkling lemon pepper over it.
Step 3. Spray your pan with Cooking Spray
Step 4. Grill the salmon for 10 – 15 minutes.
Step 5. Nuke the instant rice (OR each potato–to do that rinse ’em first, poke each with holes so they don’t explode, and they should take between 4-6 minutes EACH (8-12 minutes together) depending on the wattage of your microwave and how big the potato is… if your fork goes 1/2 way in easily it’s done; OR cook the instant rice in a pot–follow the easy directions… usually takes 5 minutes)
Step 6: Cut up the spinach (or asparagus or broccoli)
Step 7: Steam the veggies or sauté them with the cooking spray (takes a couple of minutes)
Step 8: Set the table with forks, knives, napkins, candle, wine glasses, and bottle of white wine. Have some soft music playing in the background.
Step 9: Serve the salmon, rice, and spinach with white wine.
The meal should take about 15 minutes or so to make.
Have a wonderful dinner and enjoy her jumping your bones afterwards.
Holy crap she’s beautiful! Don’t be intimidated. After you’ve made her laugh, connect with her.
Let’s talk about building comfort and trust with women.
There’s a beginning, a middle, and an ending to every courtship. You and I know that. But let’s do a quick review for the hell of it.
The beginning is attraction, the middle is comfort, and the ending is seduction.
Begin with attraction. Don’t open in seduction or comfort. I’ve seen guys open girls with “Hey baby nice tits.” And I’ve seen guys open with “So, where are you from?” before she knows anything about them. There’s a time and place for that. But not in the beginning.
First, spark attraction! Push her away, pull her in, make her laugh, and demonstrate an engaging and masculine personality.
After she shows signs she’s attracted (e.g. she’s still talking to you, her body is facing yours, she’s laughing and engaged, when you qualify her she complies), establish comfort and trust. Some guys might wanna skip comfort and jump into seduction right away. And others might think they have to keep negging her and playing hard to get. No. Shift gears and connect.
How do you connect and build comfort and trust? We’ll dig into all that in a sec.
After you’ve established enough comfort and trust (spending about 4-7 hours with her), physically escalate her to sex. One mistake guys will make here is to stay in the comfort zone. Other guys will keep cracking jokes, making her laugh. I’ve been in both those places. But at some point you’ve gotta switch the mood to a seductive one, be bold and make a move towards foreplay and sex.
Okay, so there’s a quick review. I just wanted to paint a backdrop for where comfort happens.
Now let’s dig into COMFORT.
I mean, there’s not a whole lot out there on it, right? There’s more stuff on attraction and seduction… the glamour phases. But not much on building comfort and trust. So, what I’d like to do here is give you a little map of the sequence, so you don’t get lost.
And as always, I wanna give credit where it’s due. Obviously, these aren’t my ideas. Mystery was the genius who invented this map.
Here’s the basic idea of the map…
There’s a beginning, middle, and ending to the comfort phase, too: C1, C2, and C3.
The idea is you want to show you’re not some skeezeball out to get sex from her. You want to show you’re a human being just like her. You want to show you’re not a “stranger.”
Comfort is about breaking out of the “stranger” mould and becoming more and more “human” to each other.
And you want to connect with her on an emotional level.
But there’s a strategic sequence to all this. Follow the sequence, and it can help us lead women seamlessly to sex. It installs booby traps for the friend zone. And it’s an ETHICAL way to build her desire for sex with us, so she actually WANTS it.
Let’s check out each phase.
C1: IN THE PICKUP LOCATION
Move your target (and her friends if necessary) to a nice sit-down area of the pickup location
After you’ve gotten some indicators of interest from your target, isolate her. Move her and her group of friends if necessary to a nice sit down location within the venue you met her.
Or, you can isolate her within her group of friends.
For example, while in her group of friends, you can say to your target, “I want to show you something.” Turn your back to her friends, and do something like The Cube on her. That way there’s no weirdness on both the girl and her friend’s parts about you separating a girl from her pack of friends.
In either case, once in isolation, enjoy each other’s company. Now all those questions, “so, where are you from?” can be asked. She’s already attracted, so you can ask those kinds of questions.
You still need to be a bit of a challenge though. You’re not like “You like me? Holy shit! Well, I like you, too! I mean, you’ve got great taste. Wanna make out?”
Just because she likes you, doesn’t mean a thing. That can change with the drop of a hat. Still be DEVELOPING attraction for her.
You can do this by asking her more qualification questions. For example, “So, what do you want to be when you grow up? And don’t say princess.” You want her to say things of interest so you can be like, “You like Tool? No WAY!” By the way, you can still qualify her in C1.
Here’s another tip. Never isolate a girl from a two set. Meaning, if a girl is there with just one friend, don’t leave her friend alone and alienated. Isolate them both.
When you do, make sure the target sits between you and the obstacle.
When isolating a two-set, have the target sit in the middle. Talk to the obstacle on the end.
Speak with the obstacle so the target can hear what you’re saying. And while you’re speaking with the obstacle, physically escalate the target.
If you sit with your target for at least 25-40 minutes, you’ll at least get a solid number close. You can do a kiss close during this phase, too.
The first kiss isn’t a seduction tactic, it’s a comfort building one. From: “Good Will Hunting”
But C1 is simply defined by location. You’re isolated with her in the pickup location.
C2: IN PLACES NOT CONNECTED WITH THE PICKUP LOCATION OR THE SEDUCTION LOCATION
The infamous “coffee date” is an example of C2. Take her to a venue not connected with the pickup location or the seduction location.
After you’ve spent about 25-40 minutes with her in C1, invite her to join you in another venue. This is called a “bounce.” The first bounce is a trusting thing.
You’re still a stranger to her. Are you going to compromise her safety? She doesn’t know you yet. But if you take her into another venue and you act completely normal, safe, and make her feel comfortable… trust has been established. And it makes inviting her to your place easier later on.
Also, when you enter a new venue together, you’re no longer “strangers.” You have a “couple” feel. Hello comfort. Good bye strangers.
And feel free to bounce her to multiple venues. Hang out in 5 locations during the course of one night and it will feel like she’s known you longer than if you hung out in 1 location for the same amount of time. It’s weird how the works, huh.
Here’s some things to keep in mind for this phase.
#1. Have fuuuuuun. What does like EVERY personal ad by a woman say? Exactly. She wants a man she can have fun with and who makes her laugh. Well, man, have fun. One way to do this is to take her to fun, eclectic places like the scene below from “Good Will Hunting.”
Or you can have fun over a cup of tea, too. It’s just an eclectic place has props and fun stuff in the environment to play with. How do you have fun? Pretend you’re three years old again in a sandbox and you don’t need to impress anyone. Make yourself laugh. Chances are she’ll have fun, too.
#2. Kino. Get comfortable holding hands and kissing. Hollywood movies have it wrong. DON’T wait to kiss at the end of the night. It’s always awkward. Kiss and touch before the end of the night and all throughout it. Kissing is not a seduction tactic but a comfort-building one. She’ll get more and more comfortable with your touch. This makes the bridge over to seduction land a cinch to cross over later.
#3. Continue to build commonalities. Get curious about her. Listen. Genuinely appreciate what she has to say. And here’s a quick conversation tip. After she answers a question of yours, comment on her answer before asking another question. It forces you to listen, and it lets you avoid transforming into the dreaded “Interviewer.”
#4. Be social. Taking her into multiple venues, and making light conversation with the bartender or cashier or people at the bar lets her see you’re a social person. A real human being. And being able to get along with others is an attractive quality.
If you’re unable to bounce her that same night, set up a date to see her again right there and then. That’s called a “Time Bridge.” Make sure to set a time and place to see each other though. Saves having to play phone game later.
So, C2 is defined by location, too. You’re spending time with her away from the pickup location but not in the seduction location… yet.
C3: IN THE SEDUCTION LOCATION
Enjoying some alone time in the seduction location. From: “Vicky, Christina, Barcelona”
After you’ve spent three or four hours with her going on these mini-dates, invite her to the seduction location. For example, the living room of your apartment. If you’ve spent enough time in C2, it makes the chances higher that she’ll come over.
Don’t pounce on her when she comes in. Build more comfort and trust.
Show her around. Get her a drink. Have her sit on the couch with you. Put on some music. “Come on in, take a seat, hang out.”
When she comes in, you’re NOT in seduction yet. Again, show her her safety is not compromised by being alone with you in a seduction location.
The door is unlocked, the blinds are up, she can leave anytime she wants. You’re not going to force sex on her. No threat, no pressure whatsoever.
Here’s some things you can do.
Have some cool stuff laying around, like a cool book to look through on your coffee table. You can even have the “Book of Questions” handy or Zen cards or a Dream Interpretation book or play dough or whatever might make a girl say “What’s that?”
If you play a musical instrument, play her a song.
Here’s another idea. I got it from David DeAngelo. You can listen to your voicemail messages while massaging her hand. It’s like a reality time-warp into a time and place where it feels like you’ve known each other for months. The point is, you’re not skeezing her out. You’re still establishing comfort and trust.
Here’s one more idea. You can do your grounding sequence. In fact, definitely do your grounding sequence here.
A “grounding sequence” is when you ground your identity with her reality. Instead of saying “I’m a writer” which might feel abstract to her, you can tell a string of 3-7 stories about how you became a writer so it grounds you to her, and makes your identity more relatable. How you became who you are today from childhood, through adolescence, through college, and beyond. So, she feels like she knows you.
Make sure to do the same for her. Stop after one of your stories and ask “what about you?” Let’s say she says she’s going to school for nursing: “You’re going to school for nursing? Amazing. How’d that happen? How’d you become who you are?”
This usually happens in C3, but can also happen in C2.
Now, before you’ve brought her into the seduction location, you’ve kissed. You’ve held hands. You’ve bounced her. You’ve gotten to know her.
So, it’s natural that after you’ve talked a bit in living room, you’d kiss her again. But this time, it’s a longer kiss. And you begin to arouse her. Stop, take her hand, and lead her into the bedroom.
You’ve officially left the comfort phase, and you’ve entered the final one, seduction.
Now that you’ve built enough comfort…
After you’ve attracted her and made her laugh, spend at least four to seven hours getting to know her. During that time, kiss and kino. Connect. And take her into as many fun venues as you can. Seduction… without the buyer’s remorse or the last minute resistance… won’t be far behind.
The approach and the kiss are probably the two scariest parts of the pickup, right? I mean those times are when we REALLY put ourselves out there, and when we can get rejected… bad.
And when it comes to the kiss, we don’t want to be the “bad guy” and make her feel uncomfortable. Give me a nod if you relate. So, a lot of times we just don’t do anything at all.
Of course you and I know that’s a HUGE mistake. Why?
Because if we DON’T kiss her, it’s either “What up, Friend’s Zone how’s it going?” or she’ll be like “This guy has no balls. Let me find a guy who has a pair.”
Can I tell you a story from my own life where this exact thing happened?
Back in college, before I had an ounce of a clue with women, I had one of THE most beautiful, coolest of girls in my dorm room. It went downhill from there.
We were in an upper level philosophy class together. I was a philosophy major and she was an accounting major. I was TOTALLY in love with her. Not only was this girl BEAUTIFUL with a glorious pair of tits, but she was taking an upper level philosophy class for just FUN? Holy SHIT!
The other classes I had I’d wear a sweatshirt to class. This class, I showered, shaved and made sure to wear my best shirt.
I’m not sure how I got her in my dorm room. I must have finally gotten enough courage to strike up a conversation with her by the end of the semester, found out she needed help on the final, and told her I could help. So this girl that EVERY guy on campus had a hard on for was ALONE with me in my room.
Stomach doing backflips? Check.
Now get this. When she was in my room alone with me, she plopped herself down right next to me in my love seat. There was plenty of room in that seat. But she made sure to sit RIGHT NEXT to me so her leg was touching mine. On the outside I was talking philosophy. On the inside I was like AHHHHHHHHH!
Oh, don’t worry, it gets worse.
That NIGHT… yes, she had decided to spend the night, yes she did… we were looking out my window at the stars talking. Nice and romantic. We stopped talking. Silence. What did I do? Oh, I kept talking about cheese balls or something. Mm-hmm. That was me. Fantastic.
After that night I had tried contacting her. She never returned my calls. This girl I was in LOVE with, I lost her forever. She was giving me all the signals, but I didn’t know how to kiss her.
Since then… thankfully… I learned how to go for the kiss. And the funny thing (or really sad thing if you think about it) is, it’s really, really easy. I want to share with you how right here.
She wants you to kiss her
The first lesson you can learn from my story is this. If a woman is giving you signals, GO FOR IT! Silence is what you’d call a screaming green light. She WANTS you to kiss her.
What are other good signals to look out for? If she’s been talking with you the entire time, smiling, giving you her attention. He-llo-ooo.
Another good signal? If you’re thinking “I want to kiss her,” there’s a good chance she’s thinking the same damn thing.
DO NOT ask for permission to kiss her. Baaaaad. I’ve made that mistake and lost a girl doing that too. No, just lean in for the kiss.
This is EXACTLY how.
Brush a hair out of her face. Or smell her neck and tell her how great she smells. Or touch her earrings. Or touch her necklace while allowing your fingers to lightly caress her neck. Make a comment about the earrings or necklace when you touch them. Or how great she smells.
If she doesn’t flinch when you brush her hair out of the way or when you touch her necklace, that’s another LOUD green light. Kiss her for God’s sakes.
If you want to add some really good sexual tension, try the “triangular gazing” before you kiss her.
The Triangular Gaze
It’s killer because of all the anticipation.
Here’s how to do it:
Look her in one eye, then her other eye, then down to her mouth, and back up to her eyes again. Veeeeeeeery, very seductive. Slow your movements. Slow your breath. Slow the blink of your eyes. Hold the silence. Go in 90%. She’ll come the last 10%.
And if you want to make the girl feel really “swept away” place your hands under her ears and pull her mouth to yours.
A “movie” kiss
It’s a masculine, dominant move, and it probably makes her feel like she’s in a movie having one of those passionate “movie” kisses.
But WARNING! Keep the kiss light and short at first. And ALWAYS pull away first!
Here’s an example from that female favorite “Twilight.” Watch how the vampire here pulls away first. I know, I know. It’s Twilight. But there’s a reason women FLOCK to this movie. Let’s learn from it.
Obviously you don’t have to pull away as dramatically as he does, but DO pull away first. It’s called creating sexual tension. When I watched this scene with my girl she told me she loved how he told her what to do. Being dominant and creating sexual tension… Nice. Turns women on.
Oh, and one more thing. Don’t use too much tongue when you first kiss her. Just tease her. Build anticipation. As Mystery says, the kiss is comfort-building. Kiss her too long and you let out all the sexual tension. Pull away, and you build more tension and arousal in her for you.
If you’re still intimidated and feel like you need to move your mouth before you kiss her, try Style’s routine “Evolutionary Phase Shift.” You can find it here. Scroll down towards the bottom. But keep in mind, it’s just training wheels. Crutches. You don’t really need it.
All you need is to stop talking. Look into her eyes. Brush a hair out of her face if you’d like. If she’s still looking at you, go for the kiss.
It’s not hard getting a phone number. But getting a solid number that doesn’t flake? Hahaha That’s a whole other story.
The secret to getting a solid number is simple. Spend some time with her. Talk to a girl for two minutes, she might give you her phone number, sure, but the chances of it being real… or her picking up the phone the next day… is slim.
She doesn’t know who the hell you are yet.
So, talk to her for at least 25 – 40 minutes. I learned this technique from Mystery. It works.
I’m gonna go even a step further. Forget the number.
Phone game is just a pain in the damn ass. You’ve got this shoe box full of numbers, and you’ve gotta plow through ’em? Um, no thanks. Then add to that lots of times your call will go straight to her voicemail. Or if she does pick up, she’ll often be a lot more stand-offish or just plain rude. It’s miserable.
Why play phone game later, when you can take her on many “mini” dates, kiss close her, even invite her back to your place that same night? Waaaaaay easier.
But if you MUST get her number… maybe logistics aren’t in your favor that night… here’s a five step process you can follow to get a solid number close. This will increase the chances of her picking up and actually being happy to hear from you when you do call.
STEP #1: Spend AT LEAST 25-40 minutes with her BEFORE you ask for her number. This is the most important step in the process. Spend time in comfort getting to know each other.
Think of it this way. Which would be more memorable to you? A 30 second commercial that was cute and made you laugh… OR a 25 – 40 minute show that made you think or connected with you emotionally? Laughter is great, but it’s momentary. Something with substance, you remember.
STEP #2: If you’ve gotta leave, don’t just get her digits. Make plans. Just asking for her number is lame. Making plans NOW to meet up again is smart. Again, it avoids phone game later.
Tell her something like this: “This has been awesome. We should totally continue this. Let’s grab a cup of tea. When are you free?” Let her pick the date, so you’re not like “Are you free Thursday? What about Friday? What about Saturday…”
Then tell her to meet you at a specific place and a specific time. A cup of coffee or tea is totally cool.
STEP #3: Get her digits. No need for a pen and paper. Type her number into your phone. When you give her your number you can put your name as something like “Sex God” or “Man of Your Dreams” or whatever. Being cocky, playful and keeping the sexual tension up? Hell, yeah.
STEP #4: Talk for a few minutes after you exchange numbers. Don’t just get up and leave. That might give her some buyer’s remorse, like you were only after her for her number.
Wanna know a genius thing you can talk about?
Call her right there and then and pretend you’re talking to a friend about this really cute chick that you just met, and how you like her, and can’t wait to meet her for that cup of tea. She’ll probably giggle some more. Lovely.
STEP #5. When you leave, give her a hug… and if you’ve kissed her already, give her another light kiss.
Keep the physical connection alive. A bodily connection is rooted and real, a mere verbal connection is still up in the air. Again, makes you more memorable. Besides, a physical connection ensures you don’t get dumped into the friend zone. And… it makes it easier to pick up that physical connection next time you see her. Nice.
And that’s all there is to it. If you wanna a SOLID number close, get to know her. Spend AT LEAST 25 – 40 minutes with her. The rest is cake.
Kevin James inviting Amber Valletta over in “Hitch.” http://onthesetofnewyork.com/hitch
Have you ever wondered how to invite a woman back to your place… in a way that she’ll WANT to say yes? I know, I have.
Well, here’s the secret.
Before you invite her to your place, take her to another venue… bar, pizza joint, whatever. Once you walk into another place TOGETHER, you’re no longer strangers. You’re like a couple.
By the way, if she’s with a group of friends, it’s okay to have them come along, too. Being part of her group and winning over her friends is a good thing.
Anyway, once she’s out with you at another venue… something weird happens. Like I said, there’s a feeling like you’re on the same team, like you’ve known each other for a while.
Jennifer Garner and Matthew McConaughey play foosball in “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” http://www.allmoviephoto.com/photo/
If you take her to one or two more new venues in one night, it’s like you’ve been on three dates with her. There’s a feeling of “us.” Then when the venues are closing for the night, it’s natural to invite her to your place.
When she’s in bed with you wondering “Do I really know this guy?” and thinks about the four hours she’s spent with you, she remembers being in all those different places with you, and all those memories she’s had with you. It will feel like she’s known you for awhile. She’ll feel a lot more comfortable.
Now, contrast this to if you had spent four hours with her in one place. Same amount of time, but because it’s the SAME place where you were strangers in, you’ll still feel like a stranger to her.
So, next time you go out, “bounce” her as Mystery would say. Then you can invite her back to your place.
You can say something like “You should come over because I want to show you that (fill in the blank: ex. movie, fish tank, hot tub) we were talking about.”
It’s weird, but using the word “because” after a request makes it more attractive for a person to say yes. For example, if a person were to ask you, “can I cut you in line because I’m late for work,” you’d probably be more okay with it than if he asked “can I cut you?” for no reason at all.
And fill in the blank with something unrelated to sex. Don’t let her take responsibility for sex. If she has to, she might appear like a “slut,” so chances are higher that she’ll resist. Take the lead. Make coming over to your place non-sexual. She knows what’s going on, but you’ve made it plausible for her to deny that she came over for sex. And she can tell her friends the next day “it just happened.” Nice.
The point is, before you invite her to your place, invite her to other places with you. Get that yes-ladder momentum going. Let her get to know you and feel “together” with you. Then when it comes time to invite her over, it’s a natural.
Spend time with her in different places before you invite her up.