Tag Archives: confidence

The Renaissance Man

vitruvian woman couple_by_godstaff-d3hocbf


This isn’t about techniques, but inner-game. It’s about developing the Renaissance Man within. It’s a longer post, but I promise this idea will be worth it.

‘Cause you could have all the game in the world, but if you’ve got nothing to back it up, you’re gonna come off as shallow, having no substance… hello turn-off.

Yes, cultivating the Renaissance Man within isn’t exactly “active” game. But your SUB-COMMUNICATION will be waaaay better. You know, what you “say” in between the lines. The tiny unthinking, subconscious things you say and do, like body language, your reservoir of stories and conversation topics, confidence.

Oh hell yeah, confidence. I’d say a guy becomes a man of high-value FOR REAL by cultivating his inner Renaissance Man. I mean, he’s realizing his potential, choosing the “high” road over and over, how could he not? That’s a HUGE source of confidence.

Then of course there’s the fact that as a Renaissance Man you keep your woman attracted in the long-term, rather than merely attracting her in the short-term.

Actually, I’d say that’s the biggest benefit of becoming a Renaissance Man. Better than helping you “get” women, it’s good in itself. It’s good in itself to become a more excellent, well-rounded man.

So I know this post isn’t exactly how to “game” women. But without a solid foundation to build a house on, the house’ll crumble no matter how pretty it looks from the outside.

Shit, I love what I’m about to share with you. This idea inspires me to no end. I mean I named my pen-name after the idea for God’s sakes. I hope it’ll inspire you, too.

Okay, here’s the basic idea behind this post: let’s not let the ideal of the Renaissance Man die.

Every guy’s got a Renaissance Man inside them.

You’ve got one, I’ve got one. So why not let that beast out to play? Especially since it’ll make us into naturally attractive guys.

Emphasis on “naturally.”

I mean, look, learning how to pickup chicks and how to cold-approach and how to attract women kicks ass. I love it. Shit-load of fun. And not to mention, all-important skill that can apply to life outside of pickup.

But it’s ONE skill. There’re others. So, if we only focus on that one skill, don’t you think that kinda limits us? Stunts us from becoming all that we could be?

Like, what if our life became about picking up women and nothing else? Then what? What would our conversations be like? What would our relationships be like? How interesting would we be as human beings?

Whoa, that was a lot of questions. But here’s my point.

Yes. Having no life outside of pickup stunts our full potential as human beings.

But a man who also spends time building a life outside of women becomes a fuller human being. You’ll be like: Screw needing women to validate me. Or having to wear a “pickup” mask. Or fearing there’s nothing behind my pickup mask.

You’ll be the man who’s a “10” on the inside. That kind of guy attracts “10’s,” and KEEPS ’em keep coming back for more… ‘Cause he’s a “10” himself.

How cool is that?

Now, what better way to cultivate a life outside of pickup and become that “10” than cultivating ALL our gifts? Than becoming a Renaissance Man?

Okay, okay, okay. I get your point already. What the hell IS a Renaissance Man anyway?

Great question.

According Baldessare Castiglione…


Baldessare Castiglione (1478 – 1529) Italian courtier, diplomat, soldier, writer. He was famous defining what the Renaissance Man is in his book “The Courtier.”


in his book, “Courtier” every Renaissance Man has six characteristics in common. He’s a:

1. Gentleman:

He’s got social intelligence (and perhaps seduction skills…)

2. Citizen:

He CONTRIBUTES to (and participates in) society.

3. Scholar:

He explores existence, learns, grows in awareness.

4. Artist:

He’s got a craft in something and does it with care, imagination, creativity, even play.

5. Warrior:

He takes care of his body and health, he’s strong and assertive, he’s equanimous and honest.

6. Christian:

Castiglione was writing during the Renaissance when everyone was a Christian. Doesn’t mean you have to be a Christian per se, but to have some kind of spiritual life. In other words, a Renaissance Man does things for “the greater glory of God and the salvation of man” (the Jesuit motto). Put another way, he works to puts aside ego to love.

My favorite part?

ALL of us have the ability to be this. It’s not a few are born to be Renaissance Men. Being a Renaissance Man is the lot of being human. It IS being a human being. A FULL human being.

But unfortunately, our culture tends to specialize. So it seems strange that you could be a nerd AND a jock. Or an artist AND a scientist. Or a Christian AND a warrior. It’s like in our culture we think “you’ve got to be one or the other.”

Not according to this ideal.

According to the Renaissance Man ideal, we can do it all. And there are plenty of people that have proved it’s possible.

Check out some of these examples so you KNOW it’s possible for you:

  • Dolph Lungren:


black belt, weight-lifter. He speaks Swedish, English, German, French, Italian, Spanish. Studied chemical engineering, and economics. Professional actor (see ‘Rocky IV’), founding member of a New York theater company and a production company, he’s directed six films, and apparently can sing.

  • Viggo Mortensen:

Viggo Mortensen

Actor (see Lord of the Rings), singer, composer, professional photographer and abstract painter–whose work gets featured in actual art galleries. A poet and a general badass.

  • Noam Chomsky:

Noam Chomsky

Philosopher and cognitive scientist. His work has influenced psychology, and he literally invented modern linguistics.

  • Douglas Hofstadter:

Douglas Hofstadter photo

professor of cognitive science, artist, calligrapher, composer, programmer, and physicist. He’s also fluent in three languages, and he’s studied eight others.

  • Ben Franklin:

Ben Franklin

SCHOLAR – Made important discoveries in electricity, invented the “Franklin Stove,” discovered three methods of cooling, introduced several crops to the U.S., invented bifocal glasses, studied several languages, designed a phonetic alphabet, mapped the Gulf Stream and Routes for the post office, traveled extensively in U.S. and Europe, involved in founding of two colleges (University of Pennsylvania and Columbia University).

CITIZEN – Founded first U.S. Hospital, first circulating library, first fire department, first police department, first insurance company, founded street lighting, paving and cleaning, started American Philosophical Society, started Society to Abolish Slavery, started “Leather Apron Club” Union, first postmaster, originated matching contributions idea, crafted well-known maxims on thrift, business-owner, “Patron Saint of Printing,” held government positions such as governor, Ambassador to England, Minister to France, helped found the United States, Philanthropist, organized fund raising and contributed to many worthwhile causes.

GENTLEMAN – Known to be a ladies’ man, known for his great sense of humor, known for his diplomacy and social skills.

ARTIST – Wrote for several early newspapers, considered U.S.’s first writer of humor, drew first cartoon in an American newspaper, founded “Poors Richard’s Almanack,” invented musical instrument – glass armonica, designed “sea anchors”

RELIGION – Introduced idea of prayer in Congress

WARRIOR – Colonel in Militia

  • Leonardo da Vinci:


artist, architect, inventor, scientist, poet, amateur musician.

  • Socrates:


was said to demonstrate the most courage on the battlefield during the Peloponnesian War, one of history’s greatest philosophers, humble stone mason/sculptor, active citizen in Athenian democracy, known for his gentlemanly sense of ethics, duty, sense of humor, wit, social skills.

“But hold on,” I hear someone saying. “If I follow this Renaissance Man ideal, won’t I just become a jack-of-all-trades but master of none?”

Here’s what I think we can learn from the examples above.

Yes, each of these Renaissance Men often had a focus. For example, Da Vinci focused on painting. Socrates focused on philosophy. Franklin seemed to focus on being a citizen. But that didn’t mean they couldn’t also be poets, musicians, scholars, and so forth as well.

To think otherwise is limited thinking. It’s to defeat one’s self before even beginning.

In fact, when I say “Renaissance Man,” I don’t mean just being multi-talented. I mean being a COMPLETE human being:

Being a scholar (learning and developing), a citizen (contributing and participating), a gentleman (social skills), a warrior (healthy body and assertiveness skills), an artist (using a skill that helps us imagine) and “Christian” or spiritual person (serving a higher power and living an ethical life) are just different facets of being human.

In fact, Plato had this PHENOMENAL idea that “education is recollection.”

We’re NOT born blank slates. We DON’T begin life knowing nothing. It’s NOT that a teacher fills us with knowledge.

Rather, we’re born with the answers within from birth. It’s just the teacher’s job to help us remember. According to Plato, we can learn math because we already have the ability to learn mathematics within.

If that’s true, you can take that a step further.

The reason ANY of us can learn music, art, science, ethics, or whatever, is because we already have the capacity to do it. We just have to remove the plank from our eyes and remember how. The Renaissance Man is within all of us. It’s prewired within us already. It’s what it means to be human.

That’s how I understand the Renaissance Man. Developing the WHOLE human person, not just a part.

I hope we haven’t become so specialized as a culture that we think this is impossible. If so, we’re in danger of creating a self-fulfilling prophesy where we’d be walking around as one-dimensional men.

To show specialization is not the only way of thinking, look at the ancient Greeks. They were the ones behind this Renaissance Man ideal after all. In fact, historians named the Renaissance era with the French word for “rebirth” because this was the age where persons were rediscovering the Greeks and their value of plural excellence. Rebirth of the Greek ideal.

This ideal wasn’t a big issue for the ancient Greeks as it is for us moderns.

Few Greek were specialists (like us). Instead, they were about plural excellence. That’s why so many Greeks were naturally Renaissance Men.

Plato was a poet, a budding politician, a philosopher, and a star wrestler (Aristolces is Plato’s real name; Plato was his wrestling nickname… Plato meant “broad” in Greek… because Plato had such broad shoulders. We know Plato by his wrestling nickname. Isn’t that awesome?).

Aeschylus, the “father of tragedy,” was a great poet and playwright but if you look on his gravestone, his inscription makes no mention of his plays, only his military achievements. He had fought in both Persians Wars and identified more with his honors as a warrior. But he was also an active citizen, gentleman, and a member of the  Eleusinian cult.

Thales, the first philosopher in Greek philosophy, was a mathematician, an engineer, a scientist, a philosopher, an entrepreneur, a citizen who attempted to federate the twelve city-states on the coast of Turkey to fight against the Persians.

To be a Renaissance Man in ancient Greece was not an anomaly. It was expected. All men strove for plural excellence, NOT for specialization.

Why was this ideal not a big issue for the ancient Greeks?

Here’s my theory at least. Maybe they thought plural excellence IS what it means to be human.

We know how much the Greeks exalted humanity, what humanists they were. Perhaps what they recognized and loved in humanity was its universality.

Universality? Huh?

The Greek myth about Prometheus explains what this “universality” is.


Prometheus. His myth hints at why the Greeks thought EVERY person has the Renaissance Man within them.


Check out the myth. I think you’re gonna like this…

First, backstory: Prometheus was a Titan who lived before the gods were even born. In fact, Zeus and the rest of the gods had to battle the Titans in order to rule Mount Olympus. Prometheus was one of the few Titans that had helped the gods beat the Titans.

His name meant “foresight.” He had a brother named Epimetheus and it meant “after-sight.” In other words, Prometheus was the one who thought before acting, Epimetheus acted before thinking.

Okay, here’s the story: Prometheus and Epimetheus were given the task of repopulating the earth after the gods beat the titans. The gods gave the two brothers gifts to hand out to all the beasts. Prometheus crafted an animal called “Man” with great care. He even modeled them after the gods.

But Epimethus made all sorts of animals rapidly without thinking. And he gave away all the good gifts to them. So animals could run fast, see, smell, hear better, and had more endurance than Man. Plus they had coats of fur that kept them warm in the cold nights.

Man had no gifts and no ability to survive in the wild.

Prometheus took pity on man. Of course he did. Man was his special creation. So this is what he did. He asked Zeus to have some of the sacred fire to help them out.

Zeus said, “Hell, no. The fire belongs to the gods alone!”

Prometheus couldn’t bear to see Man suffer so he decided to steal some of the fire anyway. He carried it down to earth.


Prometheus stealing some of the fire from the gods for the sake of humanity.


And thank God. ‘Cause the fire kept Man warm in the night. It also kept away other beasts so they wouldn’t attack.

Even better, a strange thing happened.

Man would watch the smoke spiral upward. Their eyes lifted from the ground up the the heavens. They began to wonder, think, become more aware, and they built temples to honor the gods.

Still, when Zeus found out about Prometheus’s thievery, he punished him… SEVERELY.

He chained Prometheus to a rock with unbreakable irons, and each day an eagle would eat out his liver. At night his immortal liver grew back again. But every day the eagle returned to make him suffer again.


Prometheus getting punished for his transgression. He was chained to a rock and an eagle would eat out his guts during the day. His guts would heal during the night. The eagle would eat out his guts again the next day.

They say it was Hercules who finally rescued Prometheus, but that’s a whole other story.

The point is, humans didn’t have a special gift like other animals. Their gift was fire, awareness, and their ability  to transcend their “one-giftedness” that the other animals were limited to.

Jean-Paul Sartre made a similar point.


Jean-Paul Sartre (1905 – 1980) twentieth century existentialist philosopher from France.


In his essay, “Existentialism Is A Humanism” he argued that what makes humans unique is we’re NOT bound by an “essence.” We exist first. We have this incredible freedom to create our own essence.

I like the way a Renaissance philosopher put it. Giovanni Pico Della Mirandela…


Giovanni Pico Mirandola (1463 – 1494), Italian philosopher from the Renaissance. The same insight in the Prometheus myth can be found in his “Oration on the Dignity of Man.” That book has been called the “Manifesto of the Renaissance.”


…in his “Oration on the Dignity of Man” drew out the lessons of the Prometheus myth in this way (by the way, I know this is a long quote, so feel free to skip it, but let me tell you how WORTH it is to check it out):

“Man is the most fortunate of living things and deserving of all admiration…he’s not of the brutes alone, but also of the astral beings… Hear what this condition of man is… The Great Artificer still longed for some creature which might comprehend the meaning of so vast an achievement, which might be moved with love at its beauty and smitten with awe at its grandeur. He brought forth man.

But there remained no archetype according to which He might fashion a new offspring… All space was already filled; all things had been distributed in the highest, the middle and the lowest orders… At last, the Supreme Maker decreed that this creature… (man has) nothing wholly his own, (but has) a share in the particular endowment of every other creature. Taking… this creature of indeterminate image, He set him in the middle of the world and thus spoke to him:

“We have given you no visage proper to yourself, nor any endowment properly your own… (but) whatever place, whatever form, whatever gifts you… select, these same you may have… The nature of all other creatures is defined and restricted… you, by contrast, aren’t impeded by restrictions… by your own free will… you, trace for yourself the lineaments of your own nature. I have placed you at the very center of the world, so that from that vantage point you may with greater ease glance round about you on all that the world contains. We have made you a creature neither of heaven nor of earth, neither mortal nor immortal, in order that you may, as the free and proud shaper of your own being, fashion yourself in the form you may prefer. It will be in your power descend to the lower, brutish forms of life… (or) to rise again to the… divine.”

To have what (man) chooses, to be what he wills to be! The brutes from the moment of their birth bring with them all that they will ever possess. The highest spiritual beings were from the very moment of creation… (are) fixed in the mode of being. But upon man… God bestowed seeds pregnant with all possibilities the germs of every form of life. Whichever of these a man shall cultivate, the same will mature and bear fruit in him. If vegetative, he will become a plant. If sensual he will become brutish. If rational, he will reveal himself a heavenly being. If intellectual he will be an angel and the son of God. And if dissatisfied with the lot of all creatures, he should recollect himself into the center of his own unity… become one spirit with God, in the solitary darkness of the Father Who is set above all things, himself transcend all creatures.

Who will not look with awe upon this our chameleon? …If you see a man dedicated to his stomach, crawling on the ground, you see a plant, not a man. If you see a man bedazzled by the empty forms of the imagination… and made a slave to his own senses, you see a brute, not a man. If, however, you see a philosopher, judging… (from) the rule of reason… he is a creature of heaven and not of earth. If… a pure contemplator… wholly withdrawn into the inner chambers of the mind, here is neither creature of earth nor heavenly creature, but some higher divinity clothed with human flesh.

Who will not look with wonder upon man… (who) is designated sometimes … by the term “every creature” because he models, fashions, transforms himself into the likened of all flesh and assumes the characteristic power of every form of life?

But what is the purpose of all this? That we may understand… we have been born into this condition of being what we choose to be–that we ought to be sure above else that… we appreciate it… we may… not pervert this free option. We(‘re) impatient with mediocrity (and) pant after the highest things. Let us emulate the kind of life life they lead. For if we lead this kind of life, we shall attain their same estate. If we burn with love for the Creator only… (we) transform into… a heavenly being.

Humans have the ability to be anything we want. We’re both brute and angel. We’re not fixed, we’re “every creature,” we’re universal. The choice is ours what we make ourselves into: to transcend our brutishness or to cultivate our more universal “God” nature.

It’s that universality that’s at the heart of the Renaissance Man.

Marx the same insight, too.


Karl Marx (1818 – 1883) German philosopher who worked in England. Much of his philosophy was a critique of capitalism (rather than about communism).


He thought the essence of humanity was the creative act, to be universal men. But unfortunately, he observed most of humans are stuck working 9-5 jobs, getting minimum wage, and not fulfilling his humanity. That’s why he was so passionate about healing the contradictions and injustices inherent in the capitalist system.

Again, whole other story.

My point is: it’s that universality the Greeks loved so much about our humanity. It seems like for them, it was expected to cultivate this universality within us, ’cause it’s what it means to be a well-functioning human.

THAT’S what it means to a Renaissance Man.

Awesome right? See why this ideal inspires me to no end?

Okay, okay. What does all this have to do with pickup?

My point: Pickup focuses on ONE area of the Renaissance Man… the “gentleman.” That’s important, but let’s also develop the other five areas.

For example, how can we also:

  • Contribute to our community? Be a citizen?
  • Be an Artist? Fire our imagination?
  • Be a warrior? Perhaps making our bodies stronger? Becoming more assertive? More courageous to be honest?
  • Be more spiritual? Serve God (or whatever label you prefer to name that which is larger than us)?
  • Exercise our mind? Learn more about philosophy, science, math, history?

Again, what does this have to do with pickup?

I alluded to it at the beginning of this post, but it’s about becoming a more excellent man FOR REAL.

It’s one thing to have tight game on the outside. But if a pua’s sub-communication isn’t there, his game will be like an empty shell. If we build a life FOR REAL that kind of confidence spills over naturally in our sub-communication. Women will feel that inner-strength coming from us.

Also, if you’re building a life FOR REAL, you’ll have a life she’ll want to be part of. And, you’ll naturally have more references to talk with her about once your pickup is done.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s important to get the techniques down. But that’s just the part of the iceberg that peaks up from the surface. Even more important is what’s underneath.

Imagine a girl coming back to your place, and you can play the guitar for her.

Imagine being able to talk poetry, politics, psychology, history, sex, the stars, movies, music… if she’s interested in some or all of those things… with your girl.

Imagine being able to whisper Italian in her ear as you make love to her: “Sei la piu bella donna del mondo” (you are the most beautiful woman in the world).

Imagine being able to sketch her.

Imagine if giving to charity were part of your everyday life anyway. Then when you’re on a date with a woman you help an old lady cross the street. Not to impress her but ’cause it’s who are. You’d attract her without trying. As a byproduct of who you already are.

These are just a few of the surface-level benefits that can help a guy with his success with women by being a Renaissance Man. Call me biased, I just think becoming one helps a guy be naturally attractive to a woman.

But, again, screw being a Renaissance Man for her. Be a Renaissance Man for you. Because it’s good in itself. Because constant growth, constant “rebirth” in becoming a more excellent man is good in itself.

Okay I’m done. I’m stepping off the soapbox now.

All I wanted to say is: let’s master pickup, but let’s also develop our whole person, too. Let’s become an excellent men first and worry about attracting women as an after-thought. Let’s become the “sun” that naturally draws women in, rather than being a “planet” seeking to revolve around her.

Shit, man. Let’s become Renaissance Men.


You know what she’s thinking? “Mm-hm, I likes me a Renaissance Man.” Swear to God. 😉


“Six Characteristics of an Alpha Male,” By Mystery

1. “The number one characteristic of an alpha male is the smile. Smile when you enter a room. As soon as you walk in a club, the game is on. And by smiling, you look like you’re together, you’re fun, and you’re somebody.

2. “Be well-groomed.”

Shower. Soap yourself at least three times to smell really clean. Brush your teeth. Make sure your breath smells good. Carry gum if you have to. Put on a great smelling deodorant. If you’re going to put on cologne, make sure it’s just a DAB. Have your fashion together: wear at least one interesting item of clothing. If you look average, you’re going to get average girls. Alpha males don’t blend in, they stand out. At the very least, dress the best you can.

3. “Possess a sense of humor.”

See my post “Flirting” for more info on this. Banter, cocky-funny, and negs are all great techniques to make women laugh in an attractive way.

4. “Connect with people.”

Don’t do all the talking. Listen. That means get where a person is coming from. Put yourself in their shoes. Also, at bottom, every person wants to feel important. Don’t knock people down. Make people feel important.

5. “Be the social center of a room.”

See my post “The Key To Picking Up Chicks Is Not Picking Them Up” for more on this. Mystery is famous for saying “there are the observers and the observed. Be the observed.” The three second rule isn’t just opening the first attractive women you see. It means opening the first people you see period. Talk to everyone, even if it’s a simple “How’s your night going?” Bartenders, Bouncers, ugly girls, guys. Be the social center of a room.

6. “Confidence.”

Confidence comes from competence. You’re the prize. You’re the selector. Not her. If you don’t know this about yourself yet, fake it till you make. Dwell on your positive attributes and your accomplishments (not your drawbacks and failures). Keep telling yourself you’re the catch and she’s lucky talking with you. That belief translates into confidence. And women will smell it off you like cologne.

You can find these six characteristics in “The Game” by Neil Strauss (page 21-22).

For now, practice smiling when you enter a room. When you’re walking down the street, give a smile to at least three people. And next time you’re at a register, ask the cashier “how’s your day going?” or try out a banter line on her. You’ll be on your way to developing confidence, and the characteristics of an alpha male.

How to Date Multiple Women

Let’s say you’re getting REALLY great with women. You’ve been going out four times a week for the last eight months, you’ve been keeping track of your approaches, and girls are starting to respond BEAUTIFULLY. They’re laughing, you’re the most interesting guy in the room, and you’re making them chase.

Guess what? You’re going to have a whole new problem on your hands. More than one girl is going to want sex from you.

I know, I know. This is a problem? Haha Well, it’s a QUALITY problem.

For example, let me ask you this question. Is it okay to sleep with more than one woman at the same time?

Hell, yeah.

You object you say? Well, check out my take on the whole subject.

As long as a girl knows you’ve got other women in your life, and she’s okay with that, I see absolutely nothing wrong with sleeping with multiple women at the same time.

I’ll say it again. As long as you’re HONEST about the fact that you sleep with other women and she agrees to that condition, how are you being dishonest or unethical about sleeping with other women?

And this goes without saying, but use protection. Of course.

Here’s the other side to this. If you tell a woman you’re going to be faithful to her and you both agree to these terms, then be faithful. Break up with her before you cheat on her.

But if you’re single, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with seeing multiple women. In fact, it can be a good thing.

I mean, would you buy the first shirt you try on in a store, or would you try on different ones to see which fit best? So, how are you supposed to find a woman who’s right for you if you get into a monogamous relationship with the first woman you sleep with?

Now, the big question is this. HOW do you be honest with a woman that you’re sleeping with other women in a way that doesn’t turn her off?

Excellent question.

And let me just say right here that… not every girl is gonna love the idea. That’s okay. But you’ll be surprised how many girls will be totally okay with it. To make her feel comfortable with it, there’s definitely a right way and a wrong way to go about it.

Believe me, I’ve done the wrong way many times. So, learn from my mistakes. I’m gonna give you six steps to follow. By the way, I learned these from Brad P and Joshua Pellicier, and have field tested them myself. They work.


Sow the seed in the first ten to fifteen minutes of meeting her. You’ve got a few ways to do this.

Option #1: Banter. Joke about how you’ve got a lot of girlfriends. Or if she’s grabbing at you, tell her to take a number. Or if she says something you like, tell her you’re going to make her your Tuesday girlfriend and if she’s good, you’ll make her your Friday girlfriend (where the real fun is). Come up with your own stuff if you’d like. But play the role of a guy who’s got lots of girls in his life.

She’ll get the message on a subconscious level. Like the old adage goes, jokes have a kernel of truth.

Option #2: Tell stories. You can tell stories about how you’re from out of town, or you can tell an embarrassing story about how you’ve got girls fighting over you (see “Wrong Number” story under the “Funny Stories” section of  “My Routines Collection” for an example).

Option #3. Tell her you’re polyamorous. (credit: Joshua Pellicier) This is probably the best way to go, because it’s the most upfront. No gray areas here. Here’s an example of how that exchange might go:

  • You: “How did your last relationship end?”
  • She: “Oh, he was jealous. It ended. Whatever.”
  • You: “I don’t have that problem anymore because I changed something about the way I’m in relationships now. But yeah… I remember what that was like and it completely sucks!”
  • She: Talks about jealousy, fear, lying, apathy, or selfishness.
  • You: “You know that doesn’t happen in a polyamorous relationship. Have you ever considered just being polyamorous with guys that make you feel that way?”
  • She: “What is polyamory?”
  • You: “Poly means many and amor means love, so polyamory means lots of loves. I have many girlfriends at the same time. They’re free to date who they want, too. And if a girl’s not comfortable with it, I don’t date her. But they all know about each other ahead of time.”

If she’s not cool with it, then you don’t date her.


Here’s some objections you might get and how to handle them. Again, credit goes to Joshua Pellicer for this.

Objection #1: “I could never do that.”

Response: “Hey, it’s not for everyone. But if you ever meet a guy who’s good at it, I highly suggest you try it out. It’s an amazing experience because there’s no relationship drama. A lot of the girls who are dating me are doing it for the first time, and love it. Not a lot of guys know how to do it right, but if you ever run into another one, try it out. It’s fun.”

She: “Okay, yeah, I’ll try that out”

Objection #2: “Are you sleeping with all of them?”

Response: “Well, yeah, most of them. I mean I’m not going to deprive them of sex. But we also have a 100% protection rule. We always use protection. But, yeah, I’m sleeping with most of them.”

Objection #3: “What kind of girl would actually do that?”

Response: “Girls like you that are confident. They’re trying it out for the first time, and are completely comfortable with it.”

Objection #4: “Do they all know about each other?”

Response: “Absolutely. If she’s not comfortable with it, then I don’t date her. I don’t sleep with her, nothing.”

Objection #5: “So you’re cheating then?”

Response: “No. All the girls all know about each other. And they’re all cool with it. You can’t cheat. Everyone is open about seeing other people, so there’s no cheating.”

Objection #6: “So you never want to get married?”

Response: “I definitely do. I’m in a dating phase of my life. But someday I hope I get married. And someday they’ll probably get married and I hope that for them. They’ll leave and that’s okay.”

Objection #7: “What kind of girls are these girls?”

Response: “They’re from all walks of life. There’s a girl who’s from Thailand. There’s a girl who’s studying to become a CNA. There’s a girl who’s a waitress. There’s a girl who’s a real estate agent. There’s a girl who works in a bookstore. There’s a girl who’s a stripper, a hippie, and a teacher. ”

If you don’t have any girlfriends, you can say: “I’m not sleeping with all of them”… and “The girls I’ve dated in the past are from all walks of life.”

STEP 3. ESCALATE QUICKLY. Escalate physically quickly, touching often. Act the role of a seducer, not someone who’s courting her.

But when you escalate, remember to push her away, too. This creates sexual tension. Pull her in and push her away. Logic goes out the door for her. All that’s on her mind is… yum.


This step is all-important. Women will believe your actions more than your words. If you say you don’t want a relationship, but then ACT like you’re in a relationship, she’s not going to believe your words. More important than talking about it is ACTING it.

What does that mean?

  • Don’t buy her dinners or do other “courting” behaviors before you sleep with her.
  • Don’t sleep with her more than twice a week.
  • Don’t call her more than twice a week.
  • Don’t email her more than four times a week.

These are guidelines I’ve picked up from Brad P that I’ve been found to be solid.

The more often you see a woman in a week, the more she’ll think she’s your girlfriend even if you say you don’t want one. But the less contact you have with her in a week, the more she’ll believe your words.

Here’s four other reinforcement techniques you can use that I picked up from Pellicier.

#1. Ask her opinion of other girls: “What do you think about that girl?”

#2. Fish for jealousy: “That girl is hot.” If she get jealous, bad sign. She won’t be okay with you sleeping with other girls.

#3. Don’t be available: “Hey, I won’t be available to hang out until Thursday.” If she ever asks you to cancel plans, reinforce polyamory: “Remember this is a polyamorous relationship. I’m still here for you, but on my own terms.” If that doesn’t work, run. You’ve got a jealous girl on your hands.

#4. Don’t build rapport too fast: Get things sexual fast. THEN build rapport. Too much rapport before sex can lead to hurt feelings, confusion or anger. Keep the emotional connection mellow, until later.


Give her an amazing sexual experience. Give her orgasms. And she’ll keep coming back for more.

And it’s courteous to sleep with her at least twice. It shows you cared about her experience.


It’s okay to cuddle and connect with her. But connect like a friend, not a boyfriend. Keep things light with some fun banter, or go into normal conversation or light rapport, not the deep rapport.

DON’T make any plans with her. She can tell you about her problems, ask advice, share what’s going on in her life… but if she starts to talk future stuff, cut it off. Reinforce this relationship is polyamorous.

If you can, let her stay. Have breakfast. If she needs a ride, give her one.

But once she leaves, keep up the search. Don’t get too attached to one person, unless you want a monogamous relationship.

Okay, so those are the six steps.

Pick a way to sow the seed from Step #1 and incorporate it into your stack. Next time you go out, sow the seed within ten minutes. Believe in your bones you’re a catch. Act the part of a man women want. She’ll believe it on an emotional level and she’ll feel attraction. Acting the part of a man with an abundance of women in his life happens to also be THE critical piece to attracting women.

Every man should go through this experience. It raises your confidence and I’ve personally learned so much about myself and about women going through it. Also, when you do find that one good woman, it makes monogamy that much sweeter.

Just remember, when you do go through this, do it in a way that always leaves a woman better off than when you first met her.

Rousseau and Pickup

Jean-Jacques Rousseau 1712-1778

“Man was born free, and he is everywhere in chains.”

Jean-Jacques Rousseau, The Social Contract, page 1

This applies to pickup.

All of us are born socially free. But we got bound by social chains of “you can’t do this,” esteem, hurt feelings, limited thinking, insecurities.

Pickup is one way to free us from these chains.

Brad P: what all the master pickup artists have in common, despite whatever school of pickup they represent, is

Social Freedom

MOST people have social anxiety. They’re afraid of rejection, afraid to say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing.

But the key to success in pickup is to break free from this anxiety and be socially free again. The way we already were as kids.

Like Rousseau says, EACH ONE OF US has freedom inside us already. We just have to return to it.

When I think of social freedom, I think of the movie The Mask.

Remember how Jim Carey transformed from this timid, Mr. Nice Guy into a wild, fearless, powerful and invincible guy when he put on The Mask?

Then Ben Stein explains The Mask had released his id from his super-conscious.  With The Mask on, he now had no more social pressures like “you’re not supposed to this” or that. Just total non-self-consciousness and freedom!

When I picture The Mask before I go into the field it’s amazing how approach anxiety kind of lessens for me. What other people think of me? Screw that. All I care about is doing the right thing… being friendly to EVERYONE and giving lots of love. That’s higher than what people might think of me.

Now here’s the best part of all this. How do we break our social restraints?


What could be more socially free than approaching complete strangers? Approaching is an exercise of social freedom, like an athlete exercising to become healthy and strong.

Social freedom is our natural right. It’s in ALL of us. We just have to reclaim it. The art of pickup is an awesome… and very practical… way to do this.

Mirror Technique

Let me give you the BEST technique EVER for practicing your gambits.

Practice in the mirror.

Simple as that.

I first read about this technique in a book called “The Magic of Believing” by Claude Bristol.

This is what Bristol said. Winston Churchill practiced in the mirror before he ever made a speech of importance.  Billy Sunday would practice in the mirror before his famous sermons. He’d bound across the room, gripping his table, lecturing his reflection in the mirror.

When I was a kid I used to do theater, and I noticed actors would ALWAYS rehearse in the mirror before getting on stage.

And when I was learning pickup, I found that whenever I practiced my gambits in the mirror before hitting the field my sets went AWESOME! It’s because I could see myself. When I didn’t practice in the mirror beforehand it was like I was going in blind. My success rate plummeted.

Pickup is like being on stage. So why not practice in the mirror first?

Now, why does this damn technique work so well?

This is my theory, at least.

First, you’re speaking with your subconscious.

The subconscious communicates best through pictures and symbols.  So, by creating a positive picture of yourself in the mirror, you give your subconscious a clear and positive command to fulfill. Then when you’re actually in set, your subconscious will make those positive messages come true.

Bonus: others will pick up on the positive messages on a subconscious level, too. ATTRACTION!

Second, you’re increasing your self-awareness.

You see what you’re doing well and you see all your cricks. The more self-aware you are, i.e. the more you can SEE yourself, the stronger you’ll be. You won’t be thrown off kilter when people sling shit at you.

Third, you create good habits in solitude.

You’re like a musician practicing before he performs. Or a basketball player practicing his foul shots. You create good habits in peace. Then those habits will be automatic in the field. When you encounter the “dissonance” of the field, you can handle it. You’re equanimous.

I mean look at it. When you think about it, what is confidence really? You’re confident driving a car, right? That’s because you’ve done it a thousand times. It’s automatic. Same thing when you create good habits. You’re capable and at home.

Here’s how to do the technique.

1. Look at yourself in the mirror. See how fucking AWESOME you are. Notice the transfiguration take place.

2. Do the gambits on yourself. Rehearse your words and voice. Observe your body language.

3. Tweak your presentation… until you get something that makes even you feel “attraction.”

4. Apply the gambits in field. This will drill all your learning into your bones. It’s like the bar exam.

This is THE technique that made me succeed in my approaches. Hands down.

Try it out… right now. Pick a banter line, a DHV, and a qualifier. Practice them in that order until you see an approach that KICKS ASS. Then go out and practice that one stack in the field.

Your success rate will sky-rocket. Guaranteed. Half the battle of approach anxiety is psychological. Take care of all that before you step on the field, in the mirror. It’s some of the best time you can spend. You’ll become more self-aware, and you’ll be ready for anything.

Mystery’s Delivery

What’s the best way to DELIVER gambits?

Oooooh man. EXCELLENT question!

I’ll tell you why that’s an excellent question. Attraction don’t happen just in the words you say.

Words do matter, or course. However, it’s not JUST the words that create attraction. Attraction happens EVEN MORE in the DELIVERY. The subtext. How you speak. How you carry yourself. You sub-communicate to women what you’re feeling inside–whether you’re confident or insecure–in the way you carry yourself.

Deliver your gambits with a lot of hesitation or looking at the ground or talking too fast, and you’ll make women feel uncomfortable. Your sets will crash and burn. However, deliver your gambits with confidence, and the women will wanna keep talking to you. Hello attraction, how are you?

I gotta tell you this quick story about delivery. Haha

As you may or may not know I’m a junior coach for Mystery’s school, Venusian Arts. In our training seminar, Lovedrop told us this story. (Lovedrop was the ghostwriter for Mystery’s bestselling book “The Mystery Method.”)

When Matador (Mystery’s wingman who’s now a famous pickup artist himself) was first learning this stuff he got really frustrated with Mystery. He’d say the exact stuff Mystery would say, yet Mystery got the hottest girls more than him. He couldn’t understand why. So, one night he just mimicked Mystery for the hell of it, the way he talked and all that. To his SHOCK, the hot woman started facing him directly, touching him, asking him questions…

Then Lovedrop told us: “I don’t know if a lot of guys realize how important DELIVERY is. It’s one of the most important things you can learn when attracting women.”

So, what exactly is delivery? It starts with your inner-game. How you feel. What you’re feeling will seep into your words without your knowing it. So, on one end it’s about being calm, authoritative, anchored.

On the other end, it’s about being a great story-teller. Slow down at parts of a story when there’s a lot of suspense. Speed up when there’s a lot of excitement. Act out the dialogue. Put FEELING into your words.

We all know women are feeling creatures. They’re sensitive to emotions. If you feel uncomfortable, she’ll feel uncomfortable. She won’t want to be around those feelings. If you feel comfortable and great, she’ll feel comfortable and great. She’ll want to be around those “feel good” emotions. ‘Cause they’re feeling creatures.

Now, listen to this. Women attract us largely by her looks. We attract women largely by how we make a woman FEEL. Keep that in mind when you deliver gambits. Give her “feeling good.”

But I know saying “feel good inside” isn’t super concrete and practical advice and verges on the airy fairy.

So, check out the master himself at work, Mystery. Watch how he delivers this gambit. Copy him. And it WILL affect the way YOU feel inside. The quality of your approaches will sky-rocket.

The Gambit starts at about 1:47

So what do you think? What works about Mystery’s delivery?

Everyone says he speaks slowly and enthusiastically.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. That really helps. Thanks.

I think it’s more than that.

Notice how he speaks with control and purpose, which allows him to be expressive. If one speaks fast how can one express anything other than fear?

Mystery speaks like a pianist who doesn’t rush to the next measure, but listens to himself play—which allows the pianist to linger on certain spots or on certain colors that are particularly beautiful to him… as if he’s pausing to smell the roses.

Mystery speaks like a soccer player who doesn’t blindly dribble the ball down the field, but lifts his head to see the entire field—which allows the soccer player to see who to pass the ball to or where to go next in the most strategic way.

Mystery speaks like Spider-Man in the first movie where everything slows down for him—which allows Peter Parker to see things so clearly that he ducks Flash Gordon’s punches.

The scene ends at about 1:21

Okay, so maybe this is the same as saying Mystery speaks slowly and enthusiastically.  But when I watch him what strikes me is the inner mind-set he has to speak so hypnotically.

He doesn’t seem to be anxious about what others might think of him.  He doesn’t think “Do they like me?” “Am I doing a good job?”

Hell, no.

He seems to walk step-by-step through the beautiful structure of logic. He enjoys his own journey along the way. Savoring the beauty, emotion, wonder, and fascination of it all seems to be more important to him than what others might think of him.

As a result, he comes across as articulate and clear-thinking, as well as someone with AUTHORITY (veeeeeery attractive), self-control, purpose, and strength (“I don’t care what others think of me” is strong).

All that’s incredibly attractive to women.

So, try this right now. Pick your favorite gambit. Practice in the mirror. And copy Mystery’s style of delivery. You’re like an apprentice artist copying a master until you find your own style/voice. Practice speaking calmly, as well as speaking with enthusiasm and emotion.

Not only will you attract women, but it will make you feel more confident inside.

Please Everyone, You’ll Lose Your Ass

One key to success with women is not caring what women–or anybody else for that matter–thinks about you. Be who you are. Be the best you can be. And anyone who tries to put you down can kiss your ass.

If you come across a person who shits on you or farts through their mouth and is full of stinking thinking, take a mental vacation from them. Stay away. They’ll discourage you and see the worst in you… because they don’t want you to do better than them.  You can’t succeed when you’re in pain, when you’re surrounded by negative people. Walk away.

Here’s a little story.

Once upon a time there was a man, a boy, and a donkey and they were taking a trip. When they came into a town everyone criticized them. “You’re so stupid. Why wouldn’t you let the boy ride the donkey? The poor boy.”

So the boy rode the donkey and the man walked. When they came into the next town, everyone criticized them. “Why would you make the boy ride the donkey when he’s younger and more able? Let the man ride the donkey. You are so ridiculous.”

So the man rode the donkey and the boy walked. When they arrived into the next town, everyone criticized them. “How could you ride the donkey? That’s abusive to the donkey. You are so cruel.”

So neither the man nor the boy rode the donkey. They took off the bags from the donkey and carried them themselves. When they got to a river, they carried the donkey through the river. This proved difficult. They lost hold of the donkey and the donkey drowned.

Moral of the story? Please everyone, you’ll lose your ass.

Take in criticism, and take a hard look at yourself. If the criticism is true, then learn from it. If the criticism is garbage, throw it away. Ultimately listen to a higher standard of truth than all the opinions and half-baked truths that come from people. That still, small voice inside… listen to that. Do the right thing and be the best you can be. Fuck everyone else.