I found a fantastic link about relationship maintenance, and had to share it with you. It’s written by a man who just got divorced, and the lessons he learned. Here’s the link. And here’s a list of his 20 tips:
1) NEVER STOP COURTING/DATING
2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART
3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again.
4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her.
5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER BUT LOVE HER AS SHE IS.
6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY FOR YOUR EMOTIONS, IT’S NOT HER JOB TO MAKE YOU HAPPY.
7) NEVER BLAME YOUR WIFE
8) BE SILLY
9) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY: ROMANCE HER, MAKE HER FEEL LIKE A QUEEN.
10) LEARN TO BE AN EPIC LOVER
11) BE PRESENT, 100% ATTENTION WHEN YOU’RE WITH HER.
12) TAKE HER SEXUALLY
13) DON’T BE AFRAID OF BEING AN IDIOT.
14) GIVE HER SPACE
15) BE VULNERABLE
16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT
17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER
18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY
19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY
20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.
Again, here’s the link if you wanna check out the full article.
The best way to be an AMOG? Treat everyone with respect and kindness.
This is actually how Mystery AMOGs. He doesn’t try to tear people down to make himself feel better. He lifts everyone else up.
And guess what happens when you do that? Naturally you put yourself into a leadership role. Hostility is not necessary for dominance.
First and foremost, treat everyone with respect. See the best in people. Make them feel important. People will be cool with you in return. You’ll make friends rather than enemies.
If that doesn’t work it’s onto Plan B.
The basic idea behind Plan B (again): Don’t accept the negative frame. Replace it with a positive one.
Here are some examples. I’ll start with AMOG situations (dealing with guys) and I’ll end with Shit Tests and Bitch Shields (dealing with girls).
There’s three basic categories of technique in either situation. “Ignore,” “Meta-frame” and “Agreeing, but Reducing to the Absurd.”
1. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”
Ignore. Don’t even respond. Just keep talking about what you were talking about.
2. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”
“Cool man. Anyway.”
Less is more. Still under the “Ignore” category. The more attention you give to him, the more power you give to him. So, give the least possible attention, the least possible words, the least possible reaction.
3. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”
“That was weird. Anyway…”
Here, you stand outside their frame, judging it from a higher place. A “meta” frame. You don’t accept his frame. You see it as weird.
4. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”
“This guy you can dress him up, but you can’t take him anywhere.”
Another example of a “meta” frame. Again, notice how you don’t accept his frame. You step outside it and see it from a higher position. You see it as a social violation.
5. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”
“Yep. Doesn’t she have great taste?”
Here you actually agree with the frame but exaggerate it. The exaggeration makes his frame absurd. The technique is also known as “Yes and…” You simply agree, then exaggerate it. By doing this you’re showing his frame to be ridiculous. You’ve destroyed it with humor.
6. “Is that design on your shirt a sphincter? Man, you’re going to need somebody to protect you, mate. You’re going to have all the guys into you.”
“Dude, that’s why I rolled up on you. I need you, man. Help me, please, man. I look at you, and I just know that you were born to protect my sphincter.”
Another example of agreeing with the frame and exaggerating it to the absurd.
SHIT TESTS AND BITCH SHIELDS:
1. “Do women even like you?”
“Oh my God, you are so cute. Look at you trying to give me shit.”
Eeeeeeeeverything she does is cute. Everything. When you put a label on someone, you don’t accept their negative frame. You interpret theirs another way: her being cute. This is a type of “meta” frame.
The other advantage of specifically calling her “cute”: it creates sexual tension. Sexual tension comes from being dominant, and her being “cute.” In other words, you being masculine, she being feminine.
2. You’re talking and the girl gets all distracted.
“Hey ADD, party’s over here.”
Again, putting a label on someone interprets them in your own way. The frame goes from “you’re not very important” (her frame) to “she gets easily distracted” (your frame). You’ve stepped outside her negative frame using a “meta” frame. Nice.
3. “What kind of shirt is that?”
“Do you always wear that lipstick? Anyway…”
You’re not even answering her frame. You come up with your own. You’ve “Ignored” hers.
4. “You’re a stupid piece of shit. Get the fuck away from me!”
“That was weird.”
“Wow, that was rude.”
Same kind of “meta” frame from above. Instead of playing into her negative frame, you see it from a higher position of judgment: her being completely rude.
Another way to deal with extreme rudeness:
“Oh I get it. You probably act like this all the time, and you probably get away with it too. I don’t buy it. I think that you act like a bitch and you convince people you’re a bitch but really you’re a sensitive person. I know that you’re really a nice person but you have to act this way because a lot of dorks hit on you.”
Credit: Brad P. Here you reinterpret her bitchiness in a positive way. You turn a negative frame into a positive one. Another “meta-frame.”
5. “You’re short.”
“Yes I am. Great things come in small packages.”
Agree and replace her negative insinuation with a positive one. Your positive frame is now in charge.
6. “Do you say this to all the girls?”
“Yes, you’re the 512th person I’ve said this to today.”
Agree and exaggerate.
7. “Does this make me look fat?”
“Yeah, I wasn’t going to say anything.”
Agree and exaggerate.
8. “I have a boyfriend.”
“Maybe he can make us breakfast in bed.”
Agree and exaggerate.
“That’s cool. I have an uncle that has 5 cats. 4 blue ones and 1 red one. He dyed them blue and red. You should check it out sometime. Anyway…”
Agree and exaggerate… take it to the absurd.
9. “Will you buy me a drink?”
“I’d be happy to. But let me get to know you better first.”
Agree, but replace with your own frame. You’re not the stereotypical guy who thinks he has to buy girl’s attention (her frame). Your frame is we’re two human beings. Let’s focus on that first before getting money involved.
By the way, you can do this technique with any other demand she might place on you. In other words, rather than blindly jump through her hoops, let her jump through yours first. Then you can go through hers. That way it’s even. You’re not rewarding potentially spoiled, princess behavior. She gives and you give. For example:
“Sure, but before I do that, give me at least one compliment.”
10. Let’s say she’s giving you bad behavior and she doesn’t respond to a more good-humored response. Then factually point out what she did, and tell her you won’t stand for it:
“This is what you did. This is not cool with me. If this behavior doesn’t change, I’m gone.”
You don’t accept her frame where she thinks she can get away with whatever she wants because she’s hot. Stand outside of her self-absorbed frame, a “meta” frame, and call her on her shit… respectfully. If her behavior still doesn’t change, walk away. You’ve got bigger fish to fry. As a byproduct, this can actually create attraction… while halting bad behavior at the same time.
And that’s about it.
Each technique “Ignore,” “Meta-frame,” and “Agree to the Absurd” has this in common: they disregard a negative frame and replace it with a positive one. Never think you have to accept people’s negative frames. They are mere interpretations of reality, not reality itself. You can always create your own frame… and get things back to reality.
This way you stand up for yourself, but in a way that still treats people with respect.
“First, she needs to feel appreciated for the unique individual that she is. She needs to feel special, unlike any other woman, and she needs to know that her man supports her in her endeavors.
Second, she needs to feel that deep, intimate emotional connection. She needs to have that emotional intimacy with her man. It’s a connection she shares only with him.
Third, she needs to feel like a woman. She needs to feel beautiful, sexy, and feminine. She needs to enjoy all those things that come with being a woman.
Finally, she needs hot, passionate sex. She needs to be seduced, enticed, teased, and satisfied, over and over again. She needs to experience new things, in new ways, including fantasies and roles. It makes her feel desired, affirmed, and alive.”
– David Shade, “The Secrets of Female Sexuality,” p. 51.
I would add a fifth. She needs to laugh and play. She needs to feel positive feelings. Laughter and positive feelings are the feeling of love. At the heart of it all, a woman wants to give and receive love.
This fifth thing is what A2 is all about… when you banter with her, tease her, and laugh together.
The first thing, “she needs to feel appreciated for the unique individual that she is” comes during A3 after you’ve qualified her.
The second thing, “she needs to feel that deep, emotional connection” is what the comfort phase is all about. It’s about creating an emotional connection with her, developing emotional intimacy.
The third thing, “she needs to feel like a woman… beautiful, sexy, and feminine” is what the seduction phase is all about. During foreplay (S1) and Last Minute Resistance (S2) you make her feel desired, beautiful, sexy, feminine. In fact, foreplay isn’t just the physical stuff like feeling up her tits. It’s making her feel beautiful, sexy, and feminine all day… even with a simple text message or the way you look at her.
The fourth thing, “she needs hot, passionate sex” is what S3, sex, is all about.
Everything a woman must have is embedded in each phase of the pickup process. Practicing the process can help us learn how to be more successful with women in general.
Holy crap she’s beautiful! Don’t be intimidated. After you’ve made her laugh, connect with her.
Let’s talk about building comfort and trust with women.
There’s a beginning, a middle, and an ending to every courtship. You and I know that. But let’s do a quick review for the hell of it.
The beginning is attraction, the middle is comfort, and the ending is seduction.
Begin with attraction. Don’t open in seduction or comfort. I’ve seen guys open girls with “Hey baby nice tits.” And I’ve seen guys open with “So, where are you from?” before she knows anything about them. There’s a time and place for that. But not in the beginning.
First, spark attraction! Push her away, pull her in, make her laugh, and demonstrate an engaging and masculine personality.
After she shows signs she’s attracted (e.g. she’s still talking to you, her body is facing yours, she’s laughing and engaged, when you qualify her she complies), establish comfort and trust. Some guys might wanna skip comfort and jump into seduction right away. And others might think they have to keep negging her and playing hard to get. No. Shift gears and connect.
How do you connect and build comfort and trust? We’ll dig into all that in a sec.
After you’ve established enough comfort and trust (spending about 4-7 hours with her), physically escalate her to sex. One mistake guys will make here is to stay in the comfort zone. Other guys will keep cracking jokes, making her laugh. I’ve been in both those places. But at some point you’ve gotta switch the mood to a seductive one, be bold and make a move towards foreplay and sex.
Okay, so there’s a quick review. I just wanted to paint a backdrop for where comfort happens.
Now let’s dig into COMFORT.
I mean, there’s not a whole lot out there on it, right? There’s more stuff on attraction and seduction… the glamour phases. But not much on building comfort and trust. So, what I’d like to do here is give you a little map of the sequence, so you don’t get lost.
And as always, I wanna give credit where it’s due. Obviously, these aren’t my ideas. Mystery was the genius who invented this map.
Here’s the basic idea of the map…
There’s a beginning, middle, and ending to the comfort phase, too: C1, C2, and C3.
The idea is you want to show you’re not some skeezeball out to get sex from her. You want to show you’re a human being just like her. You want to show you’re not a “stranger.”
Comfort is about breaking out of the “stranger” mould and becoming more and more “human” to each other.
And you want to connect with her on an emotional level.
But there’s a strategic sequence to all this. Follow the sequence, and it can help us lead women seamlessly to sex. It installs booby traps for the friend zone. And it’s an ETHICAL way to build her desire for sex with us, so she actually WANTS it.
Let’s check out each phase.
C1: IN THE PICKUP LOCATION
Move your target (and her friends if necessary) to a nice sit-down area of the pickup location
After you’ve gotten some indicators of interest from your target, isolate her. Move her and her group of friends if necessary to a nice sit down location within the venue you met her.
Or, you can isolate her within her group of friends.
For example, while in her group of friends, you can say to your target, “I want to show you something.” Turn your back to her friends, and do something like The Cube on her. That way there’s no weirdness on both the girl and her friend’s parts about you separating a girl from her pack of friends.
In either case, once in isolation, enjoy each other’s company. Now all those questions, “so, where are you from?” can be asked. She’s already attracted, so you can ask those kinds of questions.
You still need to be a bit of a challenge though. You’re not like “You like me? Holy shit! Well, I like you, too! I mean, you’ve got great taste. Wanna make out?”
Just because she likes you, doesn’t mean a thing. That can change with the drop of a hat. Still be DEVELOPING attraction for her.
You can do this by asking her more qualification questions. For example, “So, what do you want to be when you grow up? And don’t say princess.” You want her to say things of interest so you can be like, “You like Tool? No WAY!” By the way, you can still qualify her in C1.
Here’s another tip. Never isolate a girl from a two set. Meaning, if a girl is there with just one friend, don’t leave her friend alone and alienated. Isolate them both.
When you do, make sure the target sits between you and the obstacle.
When isolating a two-set, have the target sit in the middle. Talk to the obstacle on the end.
Speak with the obstacle so the target can hear what you’re saying. And while you’re speaking with the obstacle, physically escalate the target.
If you sit with your target for at least 25-40 minutes, you’ll at least get a solid number close. You can do a kiss close during this phase, too.
The first kiss isn’t a seduction tactic, it’s a comfort building one. From: “Good Will Hunting”
But C1 is simply defined by location. You’re isolated with her in the pickup location.
C2: IN PLACES NOT CONNECTED WITH THE PICKUP LOCATION OR THE SEDUCTION LOCATION
The infamous “coffee date” is an example of C2. Take her to a venue not connected with the pickup location or the seduction location.
After you’ve spent about 25-40 minutes with her in C1, invite her to join you in another venue. This is called a “bounce.” The first bounce is a trusting thing.
You’re still a stranger to her. Are you going to compromise her safety? She doesn’t know you yet. But if you take her into another venue and you act completely normal, safe, and make her feel comfortable… trust has been established. And it makes inviting her to your place easier later on.
Also, when you enter a new venue together, you’re no longer “strangers.” You have a “couple” feel. Hello comfort. Good bye strangers.
And feel free to bounce her to multiple venues. Hang out in 5 locations during the course of one night and it will feel like she’s known you longer than if you hung out in 1 location for the same amount of time. It’s weird how the works, huh.
Here’s some things to keep in mind for this phase.
#1. Have fuuuuuun. What does like EVERY personal ad by a woman say? Exactly. She wants a man she can have fun with and who makes her laugh. Well, man, have fun. One way to do this is to take her to fun, eclectic places like the scene below from “Good Will Hunting.”
Or you can have fun over a cup of tea, too. It’s just an eclectic place has props and fun stuff in the environment to play with. How do you have fun? Pretend you’re three years old again in a sandbox and you don’t need to impress anyone. Make yourself laugh. Chances are she’ll have fun, too.
#2. Kino. Get comfortable holding hands and kissing. Hollywood movies have it wrong. DON’T wait to kiss at the end of the night. It’s always awkward. Kiss and touch before the end of the night and all throughout it. Kissing is not a seduction tactic but a comfort-building one. She’ll get more and more comfortable with your touch. This makes the bridge over to seduction land a cinch to cross over later.
#3. Continue to build commonalities. Get curious about her. Listen. Genuinely appreciate what she has to say. And here’s a quick conversation tip. After she answers a question of yours, comment on her answer before asking another question. It forces you to listen, and it lets you avoid transforming into the dreaded “Interviewer.”
#4. Be social. Taking her into multiple venues, and making light conversation with the bartender or cashier or people at the bar lets her see you’re a social person. A real human being. And being able to get along with others is an attractive quality.
If you’re unable to bounce her that same night, set up a date to see her again right there and then. That’s called a “Time Bridge.” Make sure to set a time and place to see each other though. Saves having to play phone game later.
So, C2 is defined by location, too. You’re spending time with her away from the pickup location but not in the seduction location… yet.
C3: IN THE SEDUCTION LOCATION
Enjoying some alone time in the seduction location. From: “Vicky, Christina, Barcelona”
After you’ve spent three or four hours with her going on these mini-dates, invite her to the seduction location. For example, the living room of your apartment. If you’ve spent enough time in C2, it makes the chances higher that she’ll come over.
Don’t pounce on her when she comes in. Build more comfort and trust.
Show her around. Get her a drink. Have her sit on the couch with you. Put on some music. “Come on in, take a seat, hang out.”
When she comes in, you’re NOT in seduction yet. Again, show her her safety is not compromised by being alone with you in a seduction location.
The door is unlocked, the blinds are up, she can leave anytime she wants. You’re not going to force sex on her. No threat, no pressure whatsoever.
Here’s some things you can do.
Have some cool stuff laying around, like a cool book to look through on your coffee table. You can even have the “Book of Questions” handy or Zen cards or a Dream Interpretation book or play dough or whatever might make a girl say “What’s that?”
If you play a musical instrument, play her a song.
Here’s another idea. I got it from David DeAngelo. You can listen to your voicemail messages while massaging her hand. It’s like a reality time-warp into a time and place where it feels like you’ve known each other for months. The point is, you’re not skeezing her out. You’re still establishing comfort and trust.
Here’s one more idea. You can do your grounding sequence. In fact, definitely do your grounding sequence here.
A “grounding sequence” is when you ground your identity with her reality. Instead of saying “I’m a writer” which might feel abstract to her, you can tell a string of 3-7 stories about how you became a writer so it grounds you to her, and makes your identity more relatable. How you became who you are today from childhood, through adolescence, through college, and beyond. So, she feels like she knows you.
Make sure to do the same for her. Stop after one of your stories and ask “what about you?” Let’s say she says she’s going to school for nursing: “You’re going to school for nursing? Amazing. How’d that happen? How’d you become who you are?”
This usually happens in C3, but can also happen in C2.
Now, before you’ve brought her into the seduction location, you’ve kissed. You’ve held hands. You’ve bounced her. You’ve gotten to know her.
So, it’s natural that after you’ve talked a bit in living room, you’d kiss her again. But this time, it’s a longer kiss. And you begin to arouse her. Stop, take her hand, and lead her into the bedroom.
You’ve officially left the comfort phase, and you’ve entered the final one, seduction.
Now that you’ve built enough comfort…
After you’ve attracted her and made her laugh, spend at least four to seven hours getting to know her. During that time, kiss and kino. Connect. And take her into as many fun venues as you can. Seduction… without the buyer’s remorse or the last minute resistance… won’t be far behind.
I’m gonna let Mystery talk about first time sex here. He’s got some great words of wisdom.
Mystery: First time sex is very important.
I live in a world of abundance. Seriously. Do you know how many WOMEN are out there?
So, first time sex is NOT about trying to get your rocks off. Have sex with her because you legitimately LIKE this girl.
Sleep with ’em because you like ’em.
I’ve gone through my rockstar phase. I’ve had some hot girls… but they weren’t QUALITY. Crazy, huh?
I personally only go after women who has a sexuality and a personality about them that keeps me engaged.
First time sex is important. Practice up to that part. But don’t have sex with a girl and afterwards you’re like I don’t want to see her again.
Wouldn’t you rather look down and say, “Oh my God! I can’t believe she’s laying here next to me. I deserve this, but holy shit. I’m gonna do my best to be the best man possible, ’cause she inspires me.”
This is from an interview he did with David DeAngelo of David’s “Interviews with Dating Gurus” series.
It’s a point well taken. Be careful who you have sex with. Don’t have sex just to get your rocks off or feed your ego or brag to the guys “I conquered her.” Have sex with her because you actually like her.
So, practice pickup up to the point of sex. And if she’s a girl you honestly like, go for it.
If you are gonna go for it, here are some quick rules of thumb to follow.
1. Tease her, give her lots of arousal, and build anticipation. That means there’s absolutely no rush to stick your dick into her. The more she’s worked up before you enter her, the closer she’ll be to the edge of orgasm. And make sure she comes before you do.
2. There’s no need to be silent just because you’re in bed with her. Talk with her. Tell her how beautiful she looks, describe what you’re doing and use dirty words like “fuck,” “cock,” and “pussy.” Tell her what to do and tell her you like what she’s doing. If you’re feeling good, express it. Make noise. You love to hear a woman get turned on, right? Same thing with women. They love to hear you’re getting turned on.
3. Dominate her, ravish her, unleash the animal inside. But also be sensitive enough to listen to her body and her moans and respond to her accordingly. It’s very much like a conversation. Listen, and respond. It’s not a monologue where you do all the talking or where you’re performing. You’re CONNECTING with this real live human being right here, right now, right in front of you.
4. Enjoy yourself as if you’re eating the most delicious meal you’ve ever had. It’s so delicious and fills you with such pleasure you don’t want it to end. If you make sure to enjoy yourself, I guarantee she’ll enjoy herself too.
I’ve got more stuff on this under the category “Sex.”
Let’s say you’re standing in a bar talking with a girl. Where do you put your hands? How do you stand?
Put your hands to your sides. If you keep your arms at a 90 degree angle, it looks stiff. If you cross your arms, you block your heart. It’s defensive and closed. If you put your hands in your pocket, that’s also defensive.
However, if you keep your hands to your sides, it looks natural and RELAXED.
Relaxed = confidence.
It might feel uncomfortable having your hands at your sides at first. It’s like you want to do something with your hands. Try this trick.
Press your middle finger and thumb together.
It’s a trick that’s been around for awhile, and it works. It gives your hands something to do. It eliminates any nervous ticks. And it forces you to stand still and calm.
Same thing goes when you hold your drink. It’s not recommended to drink while you’re out approaching. You want your mind to be as clear as possible. Would you play chess when you’re buzzed? But let’s say you do order a beer or a glass of water or something. If you’re standing, how do you hold your drink?
Again, relax your arm. Don’t hold your drink in a way that blocks your heart. And don’t hold your arm at a 90 degree angle. It’s stiff. Hold your drink with your arm extended to your side. It’s more open. It’s relaxed. And you look the opposite of insecure… you look right at home.
When standing, the same idea of relaxation applies. Don’t stand with your weight perfectly distributed on your right and left foot.
DON’T stand like this – stiff
This makes you look like a stiff square. Instead, lean most of your weight on one foot, like in the picture below.
DO stand like this – relaxed
Again, it makes you look more natural and relaxed.
I wrote up a post about body language here. I’ve got a lot more tricks and tips there.
But whenever you’re in doubt, remember to relax. Keep your drink and your hands to your sides. When you relax, it makes the woman you’re talking with feel relaxed, too. You can’t seduce her unless she’s relaxed.
This is such a simple technique, but a lot of guys don’t do it.
Ready for it?
Simple as that.
You can do this when you approach a woman. And you can do it when you’re on a day 2 with her.
Tell me if you’ve ever felt this way when you’re on a Day 2 with her.
You walk into a local shop together to look around, and you feel like you have to be attached to her hip every step of the way.
Ever done that before? I know I have.
Luckily, you don’t have to do that. In fact, DON’T.
Walk away. Give her a little space. Check out something that catches your eye, then rejoin her.
You’ll be WAAAAAAAAY more attractive if you do.
Same exact thing on the approach.
God knows I’ve made this mistake. Tell me if it sounds familiar.
You see a hot girl with a friend or two walking to a bar. You stop them, and you stand perfectly square across from the hot one, with your feet planted in the cement like you were a statue and you deliver your entire opener to her, completely ignoring the other girls.
Then you wonder why the hot girl is looking for an escape, and why her friends are trying to drag her away.
Okay, so obviously ignoring the friends = bad. Make eye contact with every person in the group. Wanna keep everyone’s attention? Hello eye contact.
And then of course, don’t plant your feet into the pavement. What, are you a tree now? And don’t have your body perfectly square to one girl.
Have your feet and your body face away from her, as if you’re about to leave. Better yet, stand side by side with one of the girls.
Ahhhhh. Much better. And much friendlier.
After you deliver your opener, walk away if you have to. You can always notice something else, like their ring, and continue the conversation with something like the ring routine.
Or if you run into them again, you can say hi. No longer strangers. Nice.
And of course, if you walk away, there’s a good chance they’ll want to reengage you.
There’s something about walking away that creates attraction.
You don’t have to be the most incredibly polite person the world has ever seen. You can be a normal human being. And walk away.
We pursue that which retreats. The negative space creates attraction. A negative pole draws in the positive. Giving her that space makes her feel more comfortable, and it allows her to come to you.
“And because she’s served with all the attentions due to a god by a lover who is not pretending otherwise but is truly in the throes of love, and because she’s disposed to be a friend of the man who’s serving her (even if she… initially rejects the lover)… she lets the man spend time with her. It is a decree of fate, you see, that bad is never friends with bad, while good cannot fail to be friends with good. Now that she allows her lover to talk and spend time with her, and the man’s good will is close at hand, the girl is amazed by it as she realizes that all the friendship she has… is nothing compared to that of this friend who’s inspired by a god.
After the lover has spent some time doing this, staying near the girl (even touching her… on occasions), then the spring… named ‘Desire’… begins to flow mightily in the lover and is partly absorbed by her, and when she is filled, it overflows and runs away outside her. Think how a breeze or an echo bounces back from a smooth solid object to its source; that is how the stream of beauty goes back to the beautiful girl and sets her aflutter. It enters through her eyes, which are its natural route to the soul; there it waters the passages for the wings, starts the wings growing, and fills the soul of the loved one with love in return. Then the girl is in love, but has no idea what she loves. She does not understand, and cannot explain, what has happened to her. It is as if she had caught an eye disease from someone else, but could not identify the cause; she does not realize that she is seeing herself in the lover as in a mirror. So when the lover is near, the girl’s pain is relieved just as the lover’s is, and when they are apart she yearns as much as she is yearned for, because she has a mirror image of love in him–‘back love’– though she neither speaks nor thinks of it as love, but as friendship. Still, her desire is nearly the same as her lover’s, though weaker: he wants to see, touch, kiss, and lie down with her; and of course, as you might expect, she acts on these desires soon after they occur..
Meanwhile… swelling with desire, confused, she hugs her lover and kisses him in delight at his great good will. And whenever they are lying together she’s completely unable, for her own part, to deny the lover any favor he might beg to have… Now if victory goes to the better elements in both their minds… their life here below is one of bliss and shared understanding.”
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to learn this learn this lesson. I’m still learning it. It’s a mindset. And it’s huge.
When you’re picking her up, get ego out of the way.
What does that mean?
Get “I’m so awesome” depending on her liking you out of your head. And get “I suck” depending on her scoffing you out of your head.
As if you want to be liked by her SO MUCH. Who’s she to be the judge of you? You know who you are. Be the one who likes HER first. Don’t wait for her to like you.
After all, who cares what she thinks of you? Like yourself. That’s all you need. Then you can worry about liking her.
What is it about ego that trips us up? Maybe it makes us focused on how we look on the outside, rather than who we really are from the inside. Not sure.
Just give her feeling good. Not in order to be liked. Not to kiss her ass. But, just to give. No strings attached. Not to get a trophy. Not to “get” her. Just to spread the good “spirit” you feel within to the world. ‘Cause it’s overflowing anyway.
We all want to feel important. But just as a gentleman lets a woman enter a building first, and lets her come first in bed, let her feel this first during a pickup. Give feeling good to her.