How do you touch a woman you’ve never met before without creeping her out? And how do you keep touching her in a way that leads to a kiss, and eventually to sex?
The pickup community uses the word “kino” to designate “touch.” Mystery, the towering innovator in the community, defines kino simply. “Physical escalation.” Kino is short for kinesthetic. One reason pickup artists like to use the word kino is because the word “touch” can have weird ring to it.
Here’s one thing I’ve learned about physical escalation. If you’re the type of friendly guy that touches everyone naturally already, it’s no big deal to touch a woman you’ve just met. It’s natural.
And even though it seems weird to kino a “stranger,” there’s nothing wrong with giving a quick tap on the arm or giving a handshake or high five to anyone you’ve just met. In fact, it makes things a lot more lively and fun if you do.
I put stranger in quotes because often we look for how we’re different from each other. But when you get down to it, we have more in common than we have differences. “Stranger” is just an illusion. There’s nothing wrong with giving a “stranger” kino because touch is a way of giving love.
The other thing I’ve learned about escalation is to always gently push the envelope. Yet at the same time, back off before the girl pushes us away. Always leave her wanting more. Us guys have the cool job of taking the lead, and of taking all the risks. And it’s damn fun. If a girl isn’t ready for us to go the next step and pushes us away, no problem. Stop and try again later. Allow her time to feel more comfortable.
Not a lot of pickup teachers talk about how to physically escalate (Venusian Arts and Pickup 101 are two places that have talked about it). Not knowing how myself, I wanted to learn it badly. I noticed how the master pickup artists had no fear of kino and beginners hardly kino at all. I wanted to get over my fear, and I didn’t know how.
I wrote this post to learn how. What I learned is absolutely fascinating, and I want to share it with as many as possible. I’ve learned kino is absolutely necessary to pickup, it’s fun, and it’s not as hard as I had thought.
I’ve organized this post into four parts. Part One is about why kino is a MUST. Part Two defines WHAT kino is. Part Three digs into HOW TO kino. And Part Four gives you a quick exercise to start practicing kino RIGHT AWAY.
PART ONE: Why Kino is a MUST
I know there’s not a lot out there about kino. But that doesn’t mean it’s not important. Here’s five things you get ONLY with kino, and not through words or body language.
You can talk a good game and have great body language, but without kino, you ain’t getting laid.
Take the first kiss. If you haven’t done any kino beforehand, the girl is like, “Where did that come from?” Makes sense. You don’t touch her all night, and all of sudden you gonna kiss her?
Keep dreaming, bro.
But if you have kino RIGHT FROM THE START in a FUN, FRIENDLY WAY–emphasize FUN and FRIENDLY so it ain’t creepy kino–when you go to kiss her, it’s not out of the blue anymore. It’s natural. Because you’ve had kino all along! Nice.
Sex after all is PHYSICAL. So obviously you need physical escalation to get you there. Hello.
Here’s a mathematical equation for you. No kino=strangers. Kino=friends.
Haha. But it’s true.
When you don’t kino, an interaction feels kinda formal and unfriendly. You kinda assume you have this immense block of ice between the two of you.
Photo by Clown Aniceto
And let’s face it. Without kino, you’re basically having an intellectual conversation.
But when you kino, damn. Don’t you feel more at home and comfortable? You feel loose and free. That means: Kino assumes rapport.
The lesson here is this. When you first kino, kino the way you’d touch your buddies. It makes people feel comfortable, like you’re already friends. Instant rapport. Woo-hoo!
#3: Control of the Frame
An artist “frames” a section of a landscape. Then he interprets it on his “frame,” the canvas. Van Gogh and Monet might choose the same “frame” of a landscape, but their paintings would look different.
Vincent Van Gogh, Thatched Cottages at Cordeville
Claude Monet, Haystacks
Different interpretations, different frames.
The word “frame” means something like interpretation. “Control” means something like assertion. Instead of letting others be the judge of you, you be your own judge.
With pokes or pats on the head a man frames a woman as “I’m not hitting on you.” Instead, he frames her something like “you’re just a friend” in kino-words. He also frames himself as a man with status and freedom. He’s not afraid to take what he wants. And a man who has “stature” and acts freely attracts women.
Likewise, if a woman gives a man too much kino, she gains control of the frame. She dominates. Stop her! This kills her attraction. Use Mystery’s classic line: “Hey, hey, hey hands off the merchandise…this shit ain’t for free.”
I love that line. It’s fun. And it takes back the lead. She can’t just “take” freely. We decide the rules and lay the boundaries. We’re not going to swoon for her just because she’s showing us some feminine attention. Heeeeeeell, no.
When we take the lead in kino, we establish a strong frame. This sweeps a woman into his confident leadership. Women LOVE this. Proactive kino (not reactive kino) helps us to control the frame, and lead her… like a strong man in a dance.
#4: Ladies’ Man Status
Women thrive on touch. And Ladies’ Men know how to touch. A Ladies’ Man touches a woman like he assumes the sale. Like she’s already his girlfriend. Like he wants her–which raises her desire. He can soak her panties with just the warmth of his touch.
Also, there’s a book called “The Five Love Languages.”
It claims there are five ways to communicate love to a woman. One of them is touch. Of the five ways, touch is THE one language all women crave.
Makes sense, right? How many women have you heard complain their man didn’t show her enough physical affection? Exactly. Women crave touch. Touch is love. To become a true ladies’ man, we MUST to understand how to touch woman.
#5: Words Are Abstract, Kino is REAL
Let me tell you a story that illustrates this point.
Lance Mason, a Master PUA (Pick-Up Artist), tells this story about how he approached the hottest chick at a bar one night. Suddenly this other chick he gamed like two weeks earlier–and who wasn’t as hot–came up to him all excited and was like:
“Lance! Lance!” She tapped him twice on his shoulder. “Oh my God it’s so good to see you!” She touched his arm.
He noticed that his feeling about her changed in his body. At first when he saw her visually, his logical, articulate mind was like “I don’t want to spend the night with this girl.” But after she touched him, his feelings shifted.
Her kino sucked him into HER world. He felt flattered. And even though the other girl was hotter, she wasn’t REAL to him the way this not-as-hot chick was. And that was because she made a KINESTHETIC connection with him.
Touch makes things REAL the way that words can’t. For example, seeing Susan Ward naked on a bed in a picture is one thing, having her half-naked in your bed…
you get the idea.
Back to the story: Lance goes into the set with the hot chick anyway and starts bantering with her back and forth. No kino.Yet he still feels the electricity with her from that sexual tension. All of sudden the not-as-hot chick throws her arms around him.
Guess what happened. All the electricity he felt with the hot chick got transferred to the not-so-hot one. Why?
She made PHYSICAL CONTACT with him! Result? She was more REAL to him. And all the good feelings he had with hotness got associated with not-so-hotness. Thanks kino.
Same thing happens when we kino a girl. We stand out because we’ve become real. Words are abstract, but kino is real. Kino gets us a REAL, concrete, bodily connection with a woman that words and body language alone can never achieve.
PART TWO: What Is Kino?
But what exactly is kino? And, again, how can a PUA kino a woman when we first meet her without creeping her out?
Here’s the key. Don’t be sexual at first. I repeat don’t be sexual. Start neutral and step by step increase the intimacy of your touch. That way you won’t set off any alarm bells. Hey, and if any bells do set off, no problem. Just stop and try again later.
I’ve heard one girl say about this method: “I’m so glad you didn’t get all pissed off because I stopped you. I liked that you stopped and tried again later. Most other guys get mad or just give up.”
Just keep slightly pushing the envelope until she’s ready for that next step. Pull away first. But it’s okay if she says no. Stop and try again. That’s the game. That’s the Dance. And that’s called being the man and taking the lead. Again, massive turn on for women.
But again…at first…the idea is NOT to be sexual. The idea is simply this: to awaken her kinesthetic mind.
The word “kinesthetic” comes from the Greek words “kinein” to move, and “aesthetikos” to perceive.
“Aesthetikos” happens to also be the same same word we get our word “aesthetics” from, which originally meant sense perception until the philosopher Kant used it to define beauty in his Critique of Judgment during the eighteenth century.
But that’s a whole other story. Haha
The two Greek words were put together for the first time by Henry Charlton Bastian… in 1880 if you really must know.
Henry Charlton Bastian
Quick funny trivia about this guy: He was the last scientific believer in spontaneous generation and the last scientist to oppose Luis Pasteur. Wow.
Anyway, he had written some papers on speech disorders and described visual and auditory centers in the brain. He also coined the term “kinesthetic” to describe the center of the brain that SENSED the body in MOTION.
In the 1920s, teaching specialists such as Montessori took his term and developed the “VAK” learning styles model to help dyslexic children and other learners for whom conventional teaching methods were not effective.
Maria Montessori teaching a class
The theory… There are 3 different types of learners: Visual, Auditory, and Kinesthetic (VAK). Some learners learned best by seeing, others by hearing, and still others by actually doing. Kinesthetic learners learned best by doing, that is, having their bodies involved.
In the 1940s, Margaret H’Doubler applied the term to dance.
She defined kinesthetic learning as the human’s body’s ability to express itself through movement and dance.
In 1983, Howard Gardner used the term in his famous 7 Intelligences theory in his book “Frames of Mind.”
He thought there were 7 types of intelligences and one of them was Bodily-Kinesthetic.
In case you’re curious, here’s a diagram of his 7 intelligences:
|intelligence type||capability and perception|
|Linguistic||words and language|
|Logical-Mathematical||logic and numbers|
|Musical||music, sound, rhythm|
|Bodily-Kinesthetic||body movement control|
|Spatial-Visual||images and space|
|Interpersonal||other people’s feelings|
In the Seduction Community, according to Neil Strauss, Ross Jeffries–the father of the Seduction Community–was the first person to use “kinesthetics.”
And Ross shortened the word to “kino.”
I’m not exactly sure what context Ross first used the word in, but NLP (as we all know, Ross’ training) borrowed the VAK model for its own purposes. For example, NLP thinks that:
1. When a person looks UP to think, he accesses the VISUAL mind,
2. When he looks to the SIDE, he accesses the AUDITORY mind, and
3. When he looks DOWN, he accesses the KINESTHETIC mind.
I also know Ross had the brilliant insight that there were four doorways into any woman’s mind, and one of them was by describing pleasurable BODY sensations. Again, in case you’re curious, here are all four of Ross’ doorways:
- Getting her visualizing vividly.
- Getting her to feel strong emotional connections
- Getting her to feel strong, pleasurable body sensations
- Getting to her core value structures
He also spoke about anchoring, another concept from NLP. The idea is that if you touch a woman–say on her arm–while she’s experiencing a pleasurable sensation in her mind, the next time you touch her on that spot, she’ll recall those pleasurable feelings.
(The above is a 2 and a half minute video demo. It’s not a perfect example. If Ross were to go to the bathroom, come back, and touch her the same way AND the touch made her feel the same pleasurable feelings… that touch would be an “anchor.” She’d associate that touch with feeling really good.)
Those are my guesses why he first used the word “kino” at least.
In either case, when I said “awaken her kinesthetic mind,” what I mean is awaken the part of her mind that’s tied to her BODY.
What that means for us in pickup is that there are three ways to communicate with a woman: visually through body language, auditory through words and voice tone, and kinesthetically through touch.
Most of pickup emphasizes the words we speak. If we only use words, it’s one-dimensional communication. There’s even less stuff about body language, and virtually zero on kino. If we communicate well in all three ways with a woman, we’ll be deadly. Our communication will be well-rounded and effective.
So, the idea of kino is to include kinesthetic communication in our communication along with words and body language.
(If you want to learn more about the words to say and the right body language to use, see my articles on Flirting, which covers the words/auditory and Body Language 101, which covers the body language/visual.)
But, again, how do you kino a woman without creeping her out?
The first answer is to not touch her sexually at first, like I said before. Instead touch her PLAYFULLY. Touch her with FUN in your mind. Touch her the way you’d give shit to your little sister, or the way you’d high five your buddy when you hear something cool.
The second answer is tied to the first. Hold the right thought in your mind. Touch and thought are inseparable.
If you touch her thinking, “I HAVE to have her heh heh heh…” that will creep her out.
But if you touch her with the thought that you’re playing and having fun…
…“get outta here” *slight push*; “nice!” *high five*…
…like you’re just friends, it’ll be FUUUUUN, not creepy. In fact it kind of communicates kinesthetically the line: “you and I are friends and that’s ALL!”
Just shows, again, kino is communication just like our words are.
So make your first kino a type of IOD, not an IOI. If you start off with IOI kino, it might feel too much, too predatory to a woman. But if you start off with IOD kino, it feels comfortable, like you’re buddies, and you want nothing but to share a few laughs. Examples include…
…a quick touch to her upper arm with the back of your hand. Or, a gentle push away. Or, if you put your arm around her, turn your head away. No matter what, as soon as you kino, pull away. The kino should be quick and light at first.
But hold the right thought in your mind. Same thing during the comfort stage, during sex, and when you’re in a relationship. Your touch communicates exactly what you’re thinking.
But there’s an even more specific, step-by-step way to touch her so it doesn’t creep her out, but instead gradually escalates your neutral, playful touch to a sexual one without setting off any of her alarms bells…
PART THREE: How To Kino
Before we get into the “how-to” I just want to say again…
…it’s okay to kino strangers.
All humans, men and women, yearn for touch. Look at babies. They THRIVE on physical contact. This yearning doesn’t stop when we grow up. We still need touch as adults. Touch is love.
When we become adults we create these “stranger” boundaries. But it’s false. We all share in the same humanity. And have the same needs of human-to-human contact. Kino breaks the “stranger” barriers.
Just as banter and negging are ways of bonding, kino is a way to bond. You don’t just banter or kino with just anyone. So kino (and negging) bypasses politeness. It puts people at ease. And allows them to relax around you.
Looking back on how I kino escalate, I think there’s 7 steps to lead a woman from an innocent tap on the arm to sex. There could be more or there could be less steps. This is just my own opinion based on my own experience and on Mystery’s Method.
Step One: Playful Kino (A1) — Within 10 Seconds of Opening
Step Two (OPTIONAL): Extravagant Kino (A2) — Within First 5 Minutes
Step Three: Kino Test (A2) — Within First 5 Minutes
Step Four: Isolation Kino (A3) — After First 5 Minutes, Within 10 minutes Max
Step Five: Intimate Kino (C1-C2) — A Few Hours (4-7 Hours)
Step Six: Seductive Kino (C3) — After A Few Hours
Step Seven: Foreplay and Sex (S1-S3) — Take your time
Before I dig into each step, here’s some rules of thumb to follow whichever phase you’re in. And these apply whether you’re in a loud venue or in a quieter environment. Never vary:
- The frequency: kino OFTEN.
- When: kino RIGHT AWAY.
- Reciprocation: after 3-4 kino that doesn’t require her to reciprocate, like a tap on her arm, do 1 that requires reciprocation, like the hand test. This gauges her attraction level. It also invites her to participate. Break the kino, and then she starts chasing you!
- Break the Kino: Kino is an indicator of interest, so express disinterest (the opposite) at the same time… especially in the beginning phases.
Example: if you put your arm around her, look away from her and neg: “Is she always like this?” Then push her off. “You are so cute. You’re like my little sister. Lovable in the most adorable way possible.”
You can express disinterest in words, in body language (look away, lean back), and in your kino too (pushing her away). For some reason mixing in disinterest makes girls feel more comfortable with our touch, especially when she doesn’t know us yet.
- Playfulness: Remember when you were a kid in a sandbox playing with friends? That’s how to kino… ESPECIALLY in Step One.
STEP ONE: Playful Kino (A1)
When you neg or banter, KINO!
Kino ain’t separate from words.
And here’s how to kino.
After you open, the second sentence out of your mouth MUST be a neg or banter. Before you deliver your neg, tap her arm and step back.
For example, my first sentence is usually something like, “I have this rule that whenever I see someone attractive I have to say hi” (based on Mystery’s 3 second rule) or “Hey you guys looked cool, just wanted to see what you were like.” They’ll usually smile…
…Immediately my second sentence is something like: “And quit looking at my chest! My eyes are up here. Jeez! All you girls do is think about one thing.” They smile even more and laugh.
But before I deliver that second sentence, I’ll tap one of the girls on the arm and step back.
The step back is important. It communicates “I’m not going to make you feel uncomfortable.” The tap also establishes friendliness. Without that simple touch, the banter doesn’t work as well. I’m not exactly sure why but it might have to do…
…with the fact that the kino establishes a feeling of respect. As if to say “hey, you’re cool and I’m being friendly.” Then when I give her shit afterwards, they’re even clearer that it’s done with an underlying feeling of respect.
When you kino girls in step one, follow these three golden rules. Credit goes to Lance Mason for these rules:
- Kino Early
- Kino Everyone
- Kino Easily
—>Rule #1. “Kino Early”:
Kino within 10 seconds OR LESS of your approach. It sets the rules that kino is okay. And it makes kino less difficult and awkward later on.
Where to kino: hands,
These are the most public parts of the body. We shake hands when we first meet a person, so kino on the hand or arm is safe.
Type of kino: Quick, light tap.
Other types: high-five,
too slow high-five
Nothing like schooling a chick with a too slow high five! Haha
hand shake, “City Hand Shake,”
(About 1:35 in is a demo of the City Handshake. There are also demo’s of the quick, light touch. Lovedrop of Venusian Arts teaches this series of excellent videos with Mystery’s help. Lovedrop also ghostwrote Mystery’s books such as The Mystery Method and The Pickup Artist. This series of videos was made as a supplement to the Pickup Artist book.)
hip check her while saying…
“you’re such a brat”…
pinky “swear” her…
…if you’ve negged too hard to make amends,
gently push her,
again, emphasis on GENTLE
In other words, PLAAAAAY!
After the kino: Lean or step back and give the person space.
—>Rule #2. “Kino Everyone”:
Kino your target LAST! Kino your non-targets FIRST. Sooooo, kino EVERYONE!
If you kino just the target in the set, what message does this send? Exactly! Interest in one girl. What will that do?
*warning. warning. intruder. enable shields*
But touch everyone in the set and what message does that send? I’m not trying to “get” anything. I’m just being outgoing.
And don’t be afraid to move around in the set. You don’t have to stand in one place, like a pile of rock. Move to different people in the set to kino them. Hello social freedom.
—>Rule #3. “Kino Easily”:
Be comfortable giving kino to strangers.
What if the kino feels awkward at first? No problem. Keep doing it anyway. With practice, it will become more and more comfortable, and a part of who you are.
When you’re comfortable giving kino, they’ll feel comfortable too. Setting the frame, baby!
STEP TWO (OPTIONAL): Extravagant Kino (A2)
This is playful kino but taken to an extreme.
High-five a chick on the approach.
YOU: “You rock.”
and dip her.
Hahahaha. I love it!
YOU: “Hey, what’s up? I’m Renaissan.”
Put out your right hand to shake.
YOU: “How’s it going?”
Put out your other hand. Spin her around.
When she’s spun back around, shake yourself down.
Kind of like this. But shake it down to the floor. Switching sex roles is unexpected. She’ll bust out laughing.
Other crazy shit:
picking her up and throwing her over your shoulder,
Alfred Eisenstaedt’s image of a sailor kissing a nurse in Times Square on V-J Day in 1945. (Photo: Alfred Eisenstaedt, Time-Life/Getty Images)
…all within the first five minutes.
Have a blast. You can make anything work. Playful energy. Don’t give a shit. It works.
STEP THREE: The Kino Test (A2)
You’ve made the girls laugh. You’ve given the set an interesting bit of conversation afterwards, and asked a qualifier. When you’re about to leave (a.k.a. “false takeaway”) reach out your hand and see if she takes it.
How she responds tells you how she feels about you. As we all know, the body don’t lie.
If she takes your hand, squeeze it. If she squeezes back, STAY!
Here’s another trick. After the handshake, slide your fingers off her hand. That way it’s no longer a “business as usual” handshake, but a sensual one… in a subtle way.
But in any event, when you get your ass back in the set, qualify her dammit! “Are you a creative person?” You can then test her “creativity” by isolating her within the set and doing something like the Cube on her.
If she’s slow to go for the high-five, she’s probably not attracted yet. Continue with your takeaway and leave. You can come back later. When you do, demonstrate value to her friends. If you’ve won over her friends, you’ll probably win her over, too.
Here’s another kino test. Let’s say you high-five her instead of shaking her hand. If she complies, don’t release her hand yet. Instead, take her hand that’s still in yours and put it behind your back, out of the view of the others.
Squeeze her hand. If she squeezes back, move your fingers to her fingers and play with them. This is EXTREMELY sensual. And the best part is it’s discreet. If she doesn’t move her hand away, she’s definitely attracted. Throw her hand away and roll off.
As always, you’re balancing interest with disinterest here. It also shows you have self-control.
The kino test is HUGE. In fact, you could say the kino test is what physical escalation is all about.
If kino is a conversation, when you kino it’s like asking a question. If she answers yes, then take a step further. But don’t go too far. Go that step further, then YOU break it off. Don’t wait for her to do it. Always leave HER wanting more.
This is the dance of seduction.
STEP FOUR: Isolation Kino (A3)
Now that you know she’s attracted, you know it’s safe to isolate. Before you do, drop an SOI (statement of interest). This lets the set know why you’re there. You’re not there just to be friendly anymore. You’re there because you’re interested in someone.
One simple SOI that I use is simply asking, “Are you single?” When she says “yes,” I’ll usually banter something about how we’re going to fly to Vegas tomorrow and get married by a midget Elvis. I’ll dress her up as Catwoman, and I’ll be Batman.
Haha. It’s a classic. And it works like gangbusters. Thank-you pickup community.
Now, here’s an awesome isolation tactic I learned from Lance Mason. You don’t have to extract the girl from all her friends. In fact, if you do, it has the risk of making your target and her friends feel uncomfortable. They’ll ask: “Where’s this douche bag taking her?”
Instead, you can do something like…
…Point to your right and lightly put your left arm on her shoulder.
YOU: “Hey check this out…”
Keep your left foot as the pivot (the stationary foot), and pivot your body to your right.
YOU: “The coolest thing is over here.”
Both your backs are to the set now. You have isolated a girl within her group of friends, so you can now talk to her one-on-one without anyone getting worried. Awesome.
HER: “What’s the coolest thing?”
YOU: “Oh, it’s me. Isn’t that cool? We were talking to your friends and now it’s just me?”
Genius! Then you can either qualify her or run something like the Cube on her.
The other classic isolation tactic comes from Mystery.
Your SOI: (to the set) “We like each other, are you cool with that?”
HER FRIENDS: “It’s up to her.”
YOU: (to her) “I wanna show you something. Are you a creative person?”
Put her arm on yours, so you’re now arm-in-arm.
YOU: “That’s all you get. Don’t expect anything more.” *smile*
Then you sit in a quieter part of the lounge and qualify her or run something like The Cube.
Either way, KINO at the isolation point!
Kino-isolation is so important. It transitions us from playful kino to intimate kino.
Oh, and as always, balance the isolation-kino’s “indicator of interest” with an “indicator of disinterest,” such as a hand drop or saying “that’s all you’re going to get.” This makes the girl feel more comfortable. It shows you’re not rushing her to anything.
STEP FIVE: Intimate Kino (C1-C2)
Ahhhhhh. Now you’re in the comfort stage. Three rules to follow here. Again, credit goes to Lance for these:
—>Rule #1: Kino Discreetly.
Don’t embarrass the girl by displaying too much public affection. In fact this is a good rule to follow in general. The temptation might be to make out with her in the venue. Do not. All kino escalation should be discreet.
Make out in private, not in public. It’s the gentlemanly thing to do.
Also, the less you push in public, the easier it is to progress in public because you didn’t embarrass her before. Besides, if you don’t wait, it deflates all the sexual tension. Wait, and it feeds the sexual tension… And her desire to “pounce” you.
—>Rule #2: Kino Dynamically.
Don’t be static with your touch. Keep your kino moving. It’s a live conversation. The kino should be a back and forth dialogue, not a one-sided “lecture.”
And in this conversation, again, we’re the psychological leaders. Remember that scene in Hitch, where Will Smith shows Kevin James how to go in for the kiss? Go in 90%, then let her come 10%. That’s one of the few valid parts in the movie.
It shows how to lead psychologically. Pull in 90%. Don’t go in all the way. Give her space to come to you.
As Lance had once said, think of it as an instruction… or an offering. She has the choice to accept it or deny it.
If you ever go too far, again no worries. Just step back. DON’T TOUCH. And gab for a bit to make her feel comfy. When you see her body relax, kino but with caution… in a way that doesn’t make her slink away.
—>Rule #3: Kino as if you’re already Dating
When a guy puts his arm around a woman for the first time, he usually plops it down. *CLUMP* Awwwwk-ward!
When a guy puts his arm around a woman he’s been dating for a while, he slides his hand along her shoulder smoothly. Niiiiiiice.
Kino her like you’ve already been dating.
Parts of her body to kino:
After the hands, arms, and shoulders the next place you can touch her is her legs. This is the next step in the escalation.
If you’re sitting, you can lightly tap her thigh to make a point. Or you can lightly brush your leg against hers.
And you can also hold her hand for a longer time.
To accomplish all this, make sure you’re sitting NEXT TO HER.
Do NOT sit across from her. It’s impossible to kino her if there’s a table between the two of you.
When she’s comfortable with you touching her legs, the next place to touch her is in her facial area.
This includes her neck,
Obviously if you touch her in this area, it’s very intimate.
To accomplish this, you can maybe brush a hair out of her face. Or smell her neck and tell her how great she smells. Or playfully pinch her cheeks.
Or touch her earrings. Or touch her necklace while allowing your fingers to lightly caress her neck. Make a comment about the earrings or necklace when you touch them.
Now, you’re one step away from a kiss.
By the way, Style’s routine “Evolutionary Phase Shift” is great here. It’s designed to make these seductive kino moves in a way that makes the man feel less nervous about doing them. Going for the first kiss is as scary a step in pickup as opening her.
But you don’t need to use this routine. It’s like training wheels. It just allows a beginner to move his mouth while he’s advancing physically. Once you feel comfortable advancing without words (mastery level), throw away the crutches.
STEP SIX: Seductive Kino (C3)
If the girl doesn’t flinch when you brush her hair out of the way or when you touch her necklace, that’s a LOUD green light. Kiss her for God’s sakes.
If you want to add some really good sexual tension, try the “triangular gazing” before you kiss her.
It’s killer because of all the anticipation.
Here’s how to do it:
Look her in one eye, then her other eye, then down to her mouth, and back up to her eyes again. Veeeeeeeery, very seductive. Slow your movements. Slow your breath. Slow the blink of your eyes. Hold the silence. Go in 90%. She’ll come the last 10%.
And if you want to make the girl feel really “swept away” place your hands under her ears and pull her mouth to yours.
It’s a masculine, dominant move, and it probably makes her feel like she’s in a movie having one of those passionate “movie” kisses.
But WARNING! Keep the kiss light and short at first. And ALWAYS pull away first!
Don’t use too much tongue here. Just tease her, and build anticipation. As Mystery says, the kiss is comfort-building. The kiss is not a close. It’s to make her feel comfort. And it’s to build enough tension and arousal so you can move to the next step.
STEP SEVEN: Foreplay and Sex (S1-S3)
Once you’re back in a private, seduction location, now you can begin foreplay.
Vin DiCarlo has a great strategy for foreplay in his “Escalation Ladder.” His isn’t the only way, of course, but it’s a great primer. This is the gist of what he suggests:
1. After making out with her, kiss her neck and ears. These areas are immensely sensual for a woman.
Here’s a cool move while you’re kissing her. Reach up her neck, grab a fistful of her hair and pull it from behind. Massive turn on for her. Probably has something to do with your dominance, and her submissiveness.
2. Next, lift the back of her shirt up, and touch the skin of her back.
3. Lift the front of her shirt up and the front of yours so the skin of your stomachs touch.
This is such a gorgeous moment. The first time your skins touch, it’s like ahhhhhhhhh. And it turns women on A LOT.
4. Now you can start kissing her stomach and her sides, and slowly move up her body.
Or lightly run your fingers down her body. Either way take your time and savor her body. Here’s some things you can do.
- Take time to smell and enjoy how wonderful she smells. Isn’t the way women smell amazing? David DeAngelo once recommended just smelling a woman for 10 minutes straight without touching her. Creates FANTASTIC sexual tension.
- Caress the parts of her skin where her clothes touch, like the skin next to her bra strap, or where her skin touches the top of her panties. Immensely sensitive.
As Style says, the parts of the body that bend the most have the most nerve endings, and the parts you see the least are the most sensitive. So touch her, caress her, lick her, even bite her behind the elbow, behind the knee… you get the idea.
- You can also take her shirt off and feel her tits here. But warning…
…save kissing and feeling up her tits for LAST. And save sucking her nipples for ABSOLUTELY last. Kiss or lick around her nipples before kissing or licking her nipples. Most guys dive in for the nipples first. Distinguish yourself by saving them for last.
5. After her shirt comes off, feel up her ass.
Her pussy is now a step away.
6. Stimulate her pussy from behind, rather than from her front.
This is Vin’s genius idea. He points out every guy who goes for sex, moves in from the front, but it’s easy for her to resist. Moving in from her ass is unexpected. And damn effective.
But don’t dive straight for her pussy. Start by touching the area around it first. Then you can start fingering her from behind. Once she starts panting and moaning…
7. …finger her from the front. Take off her panties. Get her turned on so much that she’s begging for you to put it in.
The only thing I would add to DiCarlo’s plan, is DeAngelo’s “two steps forward and one step back.” Escalation to sex doesn’t have to be this linear. Stop and smell the roses along the way. In fact, definitely do this. It feeds sexual tension, and her desire.
8. Even though she’s begging for you to put it in, you don’t have to. In fact it’ll turn her on if you don’t yet. Penetrate her when you’re ready. And penetrate her inch by sweet tortuous inch, making her ache for your cock for however long you can control yourself.
She’ll be so close to the edge of orgasm before you’ve entered her fully that by the time you slide your entire length of you cock inside her, it probably won’t be too hard for her to surrender to the drop.
9. Put a pillow under her pelvis or lift her pelvis somehow.
It makes it easier to hit her G-spot with your cock. Oh, and have plenty of condoms.
10. While you’re in her, take the lead. Pull her hair. Suck her tits. Vary the strokes and speed–fast, hard and shallow, slow, soft, and deep. Stop and continue later. Talk to her. And most important of all, be PASSIONATE as all hell.
11. Make sure she has an orgasm before you do.
12. After you’ve both cum, hold her afterwards. Either share the silence or tell her how beautiful she is.
Obviously, giving her great sex is a whole other topic. But check this out. In step seven we’re at the opposite end of the spectrum to step one. Where step one was dominated by words spiced with kino, step seven is dominated by kino spiced with words.
But just as kino and words aren’t separate in step one, they’re not separate in step seven. David Shade once said your most important tool isn’t your tool, it’s your voice. So, talk. Make sounds. Stimulating her mind as well as her body is one key to great sex.
PART FOUR: A Quick Exercise To Start Practicing Kino RIGHT AWAY
Next time you’re with friends or family, give them a quick tap on the arm, or a gentle, playful push. Keep doing this for at least a month… until it becomes a habit. You’ll see how easy and natural it is to kino.
Once you make kino a habit, you won’t even have to think about giving your sets kino. It will come natural. You’re one step away from doing the really extravagant stuff that all the masters do in their sets.
If it doesn’t feel natural to kino your sets yet, keep practicing until it does. Just follow the second sentence rule. Give a tap before you deliver your neg or banter line. In other words, ALWAYS kino within the first ten seconds of your approach.
The best part is, practicing kino brings a guy a step closer to social freedom.
Fantastic post! Excellent job man!but I felt something was missing probably something was wrong. According to Swinggcat (my mentor; I call him dating god ;p) the girl should be the first to touch you( contradiction to your/Lance’s 10 second rules) because you are the Prize and not the other way round
Great point! I’ve bantered with women, and right off the bat they’re touching my chest and arms, so I can then kino them in return. That certainly works, too.
But here’s the key point. I don’t kino just the target. I kino EVERYONE. Because you’re right. Kino is a sign of interest. So, if you kino only the target you show you’re chasing her. But when you kino EVERYONE, it’s just a sign of friendliness and sociability.
I also kino right away because it allows me to be proactive (not reactive) and take the lead.
FANTASTIC question! Thank-you for asking it. It helps to clarify things. And much appreciation for reading this and your kind words.
i read it all top to bottom. good stuff! needs some work on grammar and spelling.
Glad you liked it! I worked hard to make this as polished as possible, but I certainly could have missed a misspelled word here or there. Let me know which areas you’re talking about and I’ll fix it right up. Thanks for reading! I’m psyched you liked it.
Are you implying that when you escalate physically/KINO that the woman should be silent or quiet because while escalating/like feeling up a girl; they are silent/quiet. What is your take on their silence and is it natural or is it like a rejection. Or has the beta/blue pill been fed propaganda by the media BUT women just want you to ravish them instead of waiting for them to say that you can escalate or touch them. So the question is do you wait for her to permit you to ravish her or do you just proceed unless she says or shows discomfort of course.
No woman is exactly the same. Some women might be silent, others might be more aggressive. That’s because some women might be shy or reserved, but others might not be.
Now, if a girl is not swatting you away or saying “no” to your escalation I would take this to be AT LEAST a yellow light, if not a green one.
As for your question about ravishing her, you don’t need her permission to ravish her, especially if you know she’s into you. For example, with my girl, when I want her I don’t ask. I take what’s mine.
But you’re right, if she ever shows discomfort over you ravishing her at all, then stop.
It’s always the guy’s job to push the envelope slightly during escalation, then back off. The backing off creates sexual tension. If you push the envelope too much and she resists, no biggie. Just back off, build some comfort, then try again. Chances are she’ll be more ready by then.
The step-by-step process in this article will allow you to seamlessly lead her towards that point of “ravishing” her. And her wanting you to, too.
Does this answer your question?
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Why thank-you. I’m glad you’ve found this article helpful. I know it’s helped me loads writing it.
Good stuff on kino puts a lot of pieces together.
Thank-you my man! Let me know if you have any questions about the stuff in this article. Thanks for your comment.
This was a very informative read. Thank you. I’m a pretty introverted person and generally keep my hands to myself and call it ‘respect’. I’ll have to try this, because for some reason I find myself skeptical that it would be this ‘easy’. I’ve seen it work firsthand without realizing it, because it worked with a girlfriend I had when we were together, but I always said it was just because we were in a relationship. Having this explained helps it fit together. I guess I’ll have to watch more carefully for opportunities to advance and to read the signs better.
My pleasure. And I really appreciate you taking the time to write that in. A simple tap on a “public” part of the body (like hand or arm) is all you need to kino a “stranger” at first. It’s very natural, and very friendly. I’m introverted and I felt uneasy doing this at first, too. But after practicing it, I found it was natural. Please let me know how it goes, and if you have any other questions whatsoever. And thanks again for your comment!
I read your article through the lens of a woman. I always knew there was tremendous power in a man’s touch, but I wanted to do some research and to my surprise, I found out that it is an art and a skill that can be developed. I enjoy reading about seduction from both a man’s and woman’s perspective because I enjoy studying human behavior. I agree 100% with everything that you wrote in your article. From my own experience, men who either consciously or unconsciously use kino leave a much more lasting impression on me and I wanted to find out why and how. Thanks for writing this article!
Can’t tell you how much I appreciate that comment, Olivia. Especially since it comes from a female’s perspective. Thank-you.
Great Article ! I’ll surely put that in practice as soon as tomorow and i’ll tell you the result ! Thanks for the amazing article.
Definitely would love to hear how it goes! Thanks for the shout-out bro
I really like so much of your material – that said there is so much of your wordings, the “you/her” where you write a bit immaturely from a bit egotistical juvenile scale. If a woman is with you, her interest wont have to be directed back to you, because she is with you.
It’s just very juvenile and immature, reminds me of the guy who tells his date..”hey, now that I’ve told you all about me, tell me something about you. What do you think about me?”
That’s really vain. He doesn’t really care about her actual thoughts, he cares about himself.
After reading so much of what you write, it’s almost as if two people are writing your post.
An immature young man, a a very mature woman.
I’d suggest that you take a step back and read how this looks to your audience.
Not sure what you’re talking about. If you have an example of what you’re trying to say I’ll see if I need to amend anything. In the meantime, you’re becoming increasingly cruel and patronizing. I’d suggest you take a step back and look at the way you’re talking to people.
I enjoyed every bit of your article, and i realized that’s what i have been doing unconsciously and getting results. But I have a problem now. I once dated a girl and it was a ‘karmic relationship’. You know what i mean. she did exactly what i have been doing unconsciously to girls. but in her case, i fell for her and got hurt. after that relationship, I’m unable to do what i have been doing from my school days. I think I lost all my confidence. and ‘lust’ has taken over so much that i fail to establish a connection with the girl. please help!! also, if you could suggest me some places to sarg because there are hardly any late night clubs where i live. earlier i used to sarg at my high school but since i have graduated and i’m working from home, i hardly get a chance to get out, and its important to go out to get social. Please Help!! I’d be very grateful!! Thank You for sharing your knowledge with us.
First of all, thank you for the kind words. They make my day.
Second of all, I’ve been in your position where I’ve gotten burned by a girl and lost my confidence. Happened more than once. It’s not fun. But there’s hope. I promise. That leads into the third thing.
Third of all, I think your intentions are on the money. Instead of getting stuck on this one girl and beating yourself up, you’re willing to move on and meet other people. That’s the healthy way to do. Once you’re out there again talking to other women, I know you’ll gain your confidence back again. I also like that you’re taking a humble, self-reflective approach.
I know you’re gonna make it out the other side.
Now, to answer your question, avoid practicing in night clubs. They’re loud, the bitch shields are high, and it takes a specialized game to succeed in that type of venue. I’d recommend practicing in lounges instead. Or maybe even day-to-day places you’d go to anyway. For example, a coffee shop. In these places you can actually have a conversation and the bitch shields tend to be lower.
As for the part about hardly getting a chance to get out, I’m guessing you mean you find it hard to make yourself go out–not that you’re chained to your house and you can’t escape. If that’s the case (it’s hard to make yourself go out), here’s what you could do:
1) Choose an opener that appeals to you. For example, the Rings Routine. Or maybe a banter line. I’ve got some examples of both over here: http://whetyourwoman.com/how-to-practice-pickup/my-routines-collection/
2) Practice the routine/banter line 5x in the mirror to get it down pat.
3) Try the routine/banter line on 5 women out in the field.
When I’ve done this, it made it less intimidating–and even fun–to go out. It’s like you’re going out to be a kind of a scientist testing a certain routine to see how well it works. In the process, you’re meeting new people, beautiful women, making ’em laugh, perhaps even getting a number or two.
Talk about getting the confidence back.
If you want more details about all this, I wrote an ebook filled with routines, a tracker and a month-long practice plan about how to get yourself out of the house and succeed with women: http://whetyourwoman.com/how-to-pick-up-any-girl-you-want-by-using-this-simple-system/
If you don’t have the $10, I wrote a brief article about a generalized practice plan to get you out of the house: http://whetyourwoman.com/2015/11/19/how-to-become-a-pickup-artist/
Either way, good luck Tarus! I can tell that the women you will feel lucky to have met you. Please let me know how things go for you and if I can help in any other way. I know you’ll gain that confidence back again.
And thanks so much for your comment.
Can kino escalation occur over a period of time or does it need to happen quickly? I have this female friend and we have recently started playfully touching one another. I want to escalate with her but I don’t want to rush because I think it looks desperate and I want to build sexual tension with her by being a little bit of a challenge. However I worry that prolonged escalation will start having a negative effect on the sexual tension building efforts. I’d like to know more about how a guy can understand when it’s definitely ok to progress to the next stage. Too quick you look too eager and not challenging, too slow you look inexperienced or uninterested.
Just to elaborate, this woman seems to enjoy playful touching with me. But when I simply touch her out of nowhere it seems to have no effect on her. It seems just merely touching a woman has little effect unless there is some non-physical sexual tension built up. In other words the touching part becomes a natural extension of the chemistry that arises organically from non-touching situations. Empty touching does little by itself, at least with this woman of interest. Maybe some women get wet simply through touch but others need non-physical stimulation.
You’re right. Words can help set the mood. But I need to know a bit more about your situation to really understand what’s going on. Where are you in your interaction with her? Have you been on Day 2’s already? Have the two of your been alone yet? The type of kino you do (friendly or seductive) depends on where you are in the “courtship.”
This a really good question. But let me ask you this, Bob. How long have you known this woman? In kino escalation, the guy’s job is to push the envelope slightly but then back off. This is especially effective in the early phases of getting to know a woman. If you wait too long to physically escalate, it might feel strange to the woman because she may have already put you in her friend zone. So, how long have you known this woman so far?
If you’ve been interacting for more than 10 hours without physical escalating, there still may be hope…
Hey I’ve just come across his now. Really intrigued, so will most likely continue to read all of them. I guess I will click on each link as they are in order below if I want to go from the beginning to the end? Besides the new posts?
My main Q. Is when you explain how you can teasingly challenge the girl for touching you, don’t you lose your kino credibility to be able to Kino on her afterwards. surely now she can call u out on it whenever u want to continue kino or even make it awkward for u to even do it again….
Thanks for the question! I’m glad to hear you were intrigued by the article and that you might continue to read others.
As for your first question, under “Categories,” you’ll find some quick articles about attraction. I would start there along with the “Top 10 Mistakes Men Make With Women.” Those are a great overview of game. Next, I would go to the “How to Practice” articles and use that to help you begin practicing. You can then use this site as a resource for any sticking point you might come across in the field. (On the Home Page: https://whetyourwoman.com, I layout this plan with all the links).
As for the second question, were you referring to kino within the “Attract” phase? If a girl touches you and say, “Hey, hands off the merchandise. That’s be $50, this shit ain’t for free,” she’ll laugh it off. She won’t have any issues with your kino after that.
Does that answer the question? Please let me know if it doesn’t, because I definitely want to make sure I answer your question well. Thanks again Moco for the kind words and the comment!