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Myth #4 About Pickup: Negs Put Down Women

akutcher7

The message behind negs: “I’m not chasing you.” Done in a playful way. NOT to hurt.

1. First, let’s be clear about what negs are not.

  • They’re NOT meant to put down.
  • They’re NOT meant to cut down an ego.
  • They’re NOT meant to make you look superior.
  • They’re NOT meant to one-up.
  • They’re NOT meant to hurt.

If a guy does any of these things, he’s not negging. He’s being an asshole.

How can a guy tell he’s negging properly? If she’s laughing.

If she’s not, she’s usually been insulted. Occasionally you’ll find a girl who might just be a miserable human being. She wouldn’t laugh at anything. But nine times outta ten, if she’s laughing, you know you’ve negged properly.

To prove negs aren’t meant to insult, let me give you the technical definition of a neg, from Mystery himself:

“Negs disqualify you from being a potential suitor.”

2. In other words, negs are meant to show: “I’m NOT chasing you.”

This is especially useful on the most made-up women who’ve been offered drinks, propositioned for sex, glared at, grinded on a dance floor, told she’s pretty a thousand times, and asked twenty factual questions, like “where are you from.”

But a guy who makes her laugh with a variation of “stop hitting on me”? It’s different. Makes her stop and ask, “who is this guy?” Negs should feel like a breath of fresh air for her. ‘Cause he’s showing his personality and offering value: a laugh.

To repeat: Negs show you’re ACTIVELY *NOT* chasing a girl, you’re actively showing you’re willing to leave.

You’re also actively showing you’ve got personality. It’s so different than what other guys do, it’s intriguing. It’s like a cool headline that makes a girl wanna learn more about you.

And the mind-state behind using negs has NOTHING to do putting down women.

3. Here’s the mind-state:

  • First, presume you’re the prize. That means presume she wants you. You don’t need her. You come from an abundance of women. In other words, don’t audition for her. Let her audition for you.
  • Second, push her “presumed” advances away, or at least show you’re willing to walk away …presuming you’re the prize, she wants you, she’s hitting on you, of course you’ve gotta stop her from hitting on you. 😉
  • Third, because you’re “presuming,” the push away is *PLAYFUL*. Playful is the operative word here. It’s all play. You’re not literally pushing her away. You’re just presuming.
  • Fourth, play is fun and positive–so have positive energy. You can say “You’re beautiful” a thousand ways. They’ll all mean something different, depending on your feeling. The same words can communicate sincerity, creepiness, anger. So, if a guy feels negative, his neg will come off as insulting. But if he has positive energy, his neg will come off as fun, as playing-together.

Presuming a girl is hitting on you disqualifies you from being a suitor. ‘Cause you’re making HER into the suitor!

YOU: “Slow down, buy me a drink before you hit on me.”

Make this a running joke.

If you do the running gag of, “I’m so hot, stop hitting on me,” she’ll laugh PLUS she’ll fall into the frame of she wants you.

A long running frame will get you aaaaall the way to sex. Even if you’re butt-ugly. She can’t help but fall into it.

4. Negs are always about BUILDING COMFORT.

This idea that negs are meant to put down is wrong. Negs are really about ridding her discomfort of being hit on.

After all, she only wants to be hit on AFTER she feels attraction for somebody. She only wants compliments knowing you’re NOT trying to get something from her.

Negs allow you to give those honest compliments, ‘cause she now knows you need nothing from her. Compliments without an agenda make her feel good.

5. Here’s an experiment. Imagine a fat girl negging you… I bet you a $100 she’d attract you with her negs.

Let’s say this fat girl accuses you of wanting her. She’s funny and cool. I bet you $100 she’d attract you just with her frame. Here’s how that might look:

FAT GIRL: “You’re looking at my tits again aren’t you. Head up, head up. Get your head outta the gutter.”

YOU: “I wasn’t thinking any of that!”

FAT GIRL: “Mmhm. I’m sure you say that to all the big-breasted women. Yep.”

YOU: “No!”

Again, she’s funny, smart, cool, comfortable in her skin.

After a fun night with her, you find she’s lying in your bed STILL not hitting on you. She’s just saying:

FAT GIRL: “Okay, don’t get any ideas. Just because I’m in your bed…”

Then she makes a move on you. She begins stroking your cock, then sucking it. She’s damn good at it. And hey, a girl’s a girl.

Next thing you know, you’re taking each other’s clothes off…

That’s who we should be. We should be like the fat girl who accused the guy of chasing her. And she had to say “no” to his presumed advances (even though he wasn’t hitting on her).

Why does this work?

First, it’s funny as all hell. Then she became a challenge. Finally, you fell into that frame that you wanted her, and you found yourself wanting her.

Voila. The magic of negs.

6. Negs are also about giving feeling-good.

Whether or not you “get” her with negs, you’ll probably make her laugh with ’em. That’s good enough. If nothing else, make her night with a smile.

Negging a girl is like two friends PLAY-fighting with each other. She’ll neg you back. EXCELLENT! Game on. The flirting has begun.

No passive-aggressive claws involved.

Now, a word about this “pushing her away” thing… It’s probably why so many have so misunderstood negs to be put downs.

Something quirky about human nature: the more we can’t have something, the more we want it. But remember: you’re ALSO making her laugh in the process.

Magic my man. Magic.

7. So, think of negs instead as:

  • Play-fighting
  • Playful conflict
  • Being a fun challenge
  • Active non-neediness
  • Flirting!

Be the one to push it away, push it away. Show her you like her, but also show you don’t need her. All of a sudden, she wants in.

8. Let me give you some more examples:

All of these are ways to disqualify yourself from being considered a potential suitor. Or to presume you’re the prize, she wants  you, and you’ve gotta push her away.

EXAMPLE #1: Friend Zone

YOU: “Yeah, yeah, come along. But expect nothing but good conversation. If nothing else, we can be friends.”

That’s a good neg.

It gets rid of her discomfort of being hit on. Says, “I’m not trying to get you. Let’s just relax and enjoy each other’s company.”

But do you see how there’s ZERO insulting going on here?

Now I know this might not be exactly hilarious. But it’s still IRONIC… and unexpected. ‘Cause here (I got this line from Mystery) Mystery’s stealing what girls usually say to us–“expect no sex… I’d rather be friends”–and using it on a girl.

Genius!

It’s a non-hurtful way of saying I’m NOT out to “get” you. Again, THAT’S what a neg is.

Here’s another example of how negs are NOT back-handed insults.

EXAMPLE #2: Tyler Durden’s Neg

Now, a caveat about this example. I wouldn’t recommend using it. I’m including it here as an example of how flexible negs can be and how they’re not meant to one-up, or knock someone’s self-esteem

Okay, here’s the example.

There’s this famous story about how Tyler Durden (co-founder of RSD) told a girl he was gay, so she’d know he wasn’t chasing her.

He played up the story all the way to fucking her in bed.

In bed while he’s fucking her she said, “But I thought you were gay.”

He said, “I think you changed me.”

Again, wouldn’t recommend this, ’cause it’s a lie. Funny yes, but a lie.

But this also qualifies as a neg. Why?

‘Cause Tyler was actively showing he wasn’t trying to “get” the girl. He gave her room to come to him. No “insulting” or “one-upping” involved.

Here’re some other great negs that are playful, that show confidence, that push her away without putting a girl down:

MULTIPLE EXAMPLES: One-liners

  • YOU: “I just want you to know we’re not having sex tonight.”

  • YOU: “I wore my old briefs tonight to make sure nothing would happen.”

  • YOU: “Hey, hey. Buy me a drink first!”

  • YOU: “Quit looking at my chest! My eyes are up here.”

  • YOU: “Did you put any roofies in my drink?”

  • YOU: “Quit looking at me like that. I’m not just some hot slab of beefcake you know. I’ve got feelings too.”

  • YOU: “You’re such a brat.”

  • YOU: “You’re trouble. I’ve gotta keep my eye on you.”

  • YOU: “Hands off the merchandise. That’ll be forty dollars. Hey, you think this shit’s for free?”

  • YOU: “You are so cute I wanna put you in my pocket and take you home with me. Wait. Are you house broken?”

Again, these are supposed to be funny ’cause it’s shit girls usually say to us. Guys aren’t supposed to say these to girls, right? Girls realize it’s absurd, there’s no substance to it… and they laugh.

Brilliant.

In fact, Mystery once said he learned how to neg FROM girls!

‘Cause they used to neg him and rebuff his advances like crazy. So one day he decided to give what she gave him right back to her–in a PLAYFUL way. Never in the serious, hurtful way girls sometimes “neg” us. To his surprise, it worked!

negs

Mystery learned these negs from “tens,” who used these on him. Likewise, these kinds of negs work best on “tens” who’re stuck up or immune by the blur of men hitting on them. These are not meant to hurt. They’re meant to wake them up, to catch their attention.

Anyway, if you give her these lines that say “I’m the selector here, now you’re the selectee” before she gives ’em to you, how can she now give ’em to you?

Ha! You’ve turned the tables! Nice.

By the way, speaking of women “negging” us, what if she “negs” us seriously, without the playfulness? What do you do then?

EXAMPLE #4: When she negs you

Give it back to her still! With the playfulness. Interpret her neg as she wants you. Here’s one way of how that might look like:

HER: “I just want you to know, we’re not having sex tonight.”

Remember this neg is just a sound byte. So, give the sound byte back to her.

YOU: “Well I’m glad you brought that up. Because I didn’t shave. No seriously. I’m in the shower getting ready to come over here. I keep myself trim down there. And I do it out of laziness. Because if your lines grow out then you have to find new lines. So I’m shaving thinking, ‘Who am I shaving for? Is it you?’ I’m like ‘I’m not even in this headspace right now. While sex is all great and stuff, women can be a drag.’ So I specifically didn’t shave because I don’t feel sexy when I don’t shave. I don’t feel like I’m in a sexual mood. You know what I mean? So for you to say that? Works for me.”

You’re actually speaking a woman’s language and giving it right back to her.

This qualifies as a “neg” ’cause you’re actively showing you’re not trying to get into her pants. Without being hurtful about it.

And guess what? Because you’re giving her “negative” space, she’ll wanna fill it and come to you.

I’ve used this neg before when a girl told me “we’re not having sex tonight.” Guess what happened? We ended up having sex that night.

Go figure.

Here’s ANOTHER great neg that yet STILL doesn’t cut down:

Example #5: Let’s shut off the girl-boy dynamic

YOU: “Let’s turn this girl-boy dynamic off and just be, you know, spiritual, normal. I mean we’re both hot and we like each other. So what? Last thing I need is this girl-boy complexity. There’s a thoughtful, observing entity inside you. I care about that which is looking at me and seeing me.”

Yes, THAT’S a neg! ‘Cause you’re ACTIVELY showing you’re NOT chasing her.

I hope you see by this point that’s all negs are. It’s NOT a back-handed insult. God, no.

9. But wait, you might be saying. If negs DON’T “cut down,” then why is it called a “neg”? N-e-g seem to be the first letters of “negate.” 

Good question.

There still is a sense of conflict, or pushing her away or “NO… I’m not after you” in negs.

But negs must be done in the spirit of PLAY. NEVER as a way to hurt or cut down an ego. Insulting is NOT playful, NOT fun, NOT friendly.

How would hurtfulness ever attract?

Those who say that’s what negs do to a girl’s self-esteem are guilty of a straw man argument: portraying someone’s position in the worst way to make it easier to attack. It’s a vulgar understanding.

Negs are AWESOME ’cause they infuse ENERGY into an interaction, and make it interesting.

Please allow me to indulge one last time to show you what I mean.

Many people in relationships have these kind of conversations:

::: Conversation with no conflict in it :::

He: “Good morning.”

She: “Good morning.”

He: “Breakfast?”

She: “Sure.”

He: “What would you like?”

She: “I don’t know. What do you feel like?”

He: “How about some eggs?”

She: “Okey dokey.”

He: “How would you like your eggs?”

She: “Sunny side up.”

He: “Toast?”

She: “Sure.”

He: “I’ve got some honey wheat bread. It’s great.”

She: “Okay, I’ll give it a try.”

He: “Butter?”

She: “Sure.”

He: “Jam?”

She: “Yes please!”

They read the paper as they eat breakfast.

She: “Anything happening in the paper?”

He: “Celtics won last night.”

She: “Yay.”

He: “Just barely though. They’re now in second place.”

She: “So, what’re you gonna do today?”

Do you feel the boredom? It’s a lifeless exchange. Why? There’s NO conflict! They just agree with everything they say to each other. Plus everything is FACTUAL.

Negs on the other hand add playful conflict and imagination to the mix. It’s not so literal or factual or so agreeable.

Check out if this couple added some playful conflict and negs to the mix:

::: Conversation with Playful Conflict :::

You’re making breakfast. Your girl enters the kitchen. And she grabs at it.

She: “Is it ready yet?”

You: “Hey, hands off.”

You pick her up, carry her to the counter away from the food, and sit her down there. You continue to cook.

You: “You stay over there you brat. You don’t understand. Cooking’s an art.”

She: “Sure, I’ll sit over here. All by myself.”

She throws a pieces of bread at you. You tickle her to make her stop. She runs away. You chase her and capture her.

She: “Wait the food’s burning!”

You: “Aw shit.”

See how much more engaging the conversation is now with PLAYFUL conflict involved?

That’s what negs are. Playful conflict. They create attraction. And not just when you first meet a girl.

If you wanna keep the spark alive in a long term relationship, NEG!

Relationships lose the spark when they lose sexual tension. Negs infuse SEXUAL TENSION into an interaction.

Negs are KEY to attracting girls.

10. Let me sum up.

Negs aren’t put downs. Negs are play-fighting.

Like when a dog plays keep away from you. Or when one person chases the other. Or when a TV show ends on a cliff hanger and says, “To be continued…”

What’s the difference between these and real fighting? What makes these “games,” and not battles-of-the-ego? Easy. There are no claws involved.

When a dog plays with you, he may show his teeth and growl, but he won’t draw blood. That’s how you know it’s PLAY-fighting. There’s no hurting involved.

That’s how it is with negs. There’s conflict, yes, but no drawing blood. No harming. No hurting. They’re playful. They’re meant to keep a girl engaged. They’re meant to keep a girl on the edge of her seat. It’s a GAME in the “tag–you’re it” sense of the word. It’s fun. It’s flirting.

Philosopher Baudillard probably had the best way to sum up negs:

“Challenge, and not desire, lies at the heart of seduction.”

Being-a-challenge-to-get engages and is fun. Negs are a tool to help you be that kind of playful challenge… rather than buy drinks, gawk, proposition girls for sex.

They’re what guys who are successful with women do naturally.

So, instead of insulting, think of negs as flirting. As actively showing a girl you don’t “need” her, that you’re not chasing her.

This creates sexual tension, and a DESIRE in her for more of you.

Negging is really foreplay. It’s the first step in getting girls “in the mood.”

It’s unfortunate this part of MM is so misunderstood. Because they’re so fundamental to attraction.

Let me close this beast of a post with some tips on how to neg a girl in the first five minutes of meeting her.

11. To execute negs properly in the first five minutes of an approach:

  1. Pick ONE of the one-liners above.
  2. Use that line within the second sentence out of your mouth. Don’t wait to do it. Do it IMMEDIATELY. Get the sexual juices flowing right from the start.
  3. Don’t do more than two neg-exchanges in the first five minutes. Yes, negs break the ice. But once the ice’s broken, anchor the laughter with substance. That means introducing yourself, next qualifying her, and finally expressing your interest in her. That naturally leads to a mini-date (or at least a number exchange).
  4. Presume you’re the prize. Presume she’s hitting on you, presume you’ve gotta get away from her. Yes, the presumption is imaginary. But that’s the fun and often humor of it.
  5. Have positive energy. The kind of positivity that says “NOTHING can wreck my day. I’m just giving FEELING GOOD.” Whether you get that girl’s number or not, BOTH of you still win. ‘Cause you’ve made her smile.

Negs remove that heavy barrier called the “stranger obstacle.”

They create sexual tension, they get the good feelings flowing, and they allow you to approach a girl from a place of strength. You’ll attract her. And ultimately be able to get to know each other human being-to-human being.

12. So neg are ways to flirt, it’s playful conflict.

Flirting is play-fighting. NOT serious-fighting (where people get hurt). To create attraction, incorporate playful conflict into your interactions with women.

How do you play-fight in a way creates sexual tension and that doesn’t hurt a girl?

As you know by now, neg.

sadie_hawkins_day1

What happens when a guy negs. By pulling away a bit (playfully, NOT harmfully), she now wants in.

 
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Posted by on September 29, 2015 in Home, Myths about Pickup

 

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Quote In Response to Elliot Rodger

Elliot Rodger. Credit: http://media.independent.com

Apparently, Elliot Rodger (that 22-year-old who went on the killing spree) was a failed pickup artist. He posted on PUAHate. In fact, I’ve heard PUAHate has been shut down because he was posting about taking revenge on women, and guys were cheering him on.

To a certain extent, I can empathize with Elliot. I’ve gotten rejected by women a lot. I’ve felt like an outsider and alone. It feels rotten.

But here’s the big question. What would prevent you and I from becoming an Elliot?

I think it has to do with a huge lesson I learned from Mystery and Neil Strauss. If something goes wrong in an interaction with a woman, it’s never the woman’s fault. It’s always our fault. It’s not that the girl is a bitch or a snob or a slut. She just responds to our skill level. Improve your skill level, watch your success rate improve.

Isn’t that what Jesus taught? Everyone was about to stone that woman for cheating on her husband. He asked them to look at themselves and see their own sin before condemning the sin in others.

Ultimately, that’s what pickup is about. It’s less about “getting” women (although attracting women is awesome). It’s more about looking at yourself in the process to become a better man.

Well, how do you improve your skill level, you ask? Lemme share this quote:

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Elliot may have given up, then blamed the outside world for his failures, rather than looking to himself. I can understand his hurt. But blaming seems to blind us, while looking to ourselves wakes us. That’s the big lesson I’m taking from this terrible tragedy.

 
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Posted by on May 28, 2014 in Home, Inner, Quotes

 

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Video: Mystery Owning Sh*t Tests

I came across this classic video of Mystery handling shit tests from a bratty chick. What I admire is how calm, cool, and collected he remains. Instead of getting testy, he seems to be like “you’re so cute,” instead.

Such a great lesson. Instead of taking shit-tests personally, turn it into playful banter and tell her how “cute” she’s being. Defuses negativity, and wins the girl over. Unruffled by the outside world. I imagine women find that super hot.

Check it out:

 
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Posted by on March 31, 2014 in Frame Control, Handling Women, Videos

 

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Video: Neil Strauss and Mystery

I wanted to share the first hour and a half of this video with you (it’s two hours total). It’s the eighth DVD of a series Neil Strauss put out called “The Annihilation Method.” Neil’s goal was to divulge everything about the game in it.

The first hour of this video is mostly Mystery speaking. The half hour after that is Mystery and Neil Strauss talking about phone game. The last half hour is Steve P and Hypnotica, and in my opinion not as good.

Yes, I know the section I’d like you to check out is an hour and a half. But there are so many solid fundamentals it’s totally worth it. Mystery covers attraction, dealing with Last Minute Resistance, phone game, and other invaluable nuggets of gold. Great review. I learned a ton. Check it out:

 
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Posted by on March 4, 2014 in Home, Videos

 

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Mystery’s new site: 3 Second Rule

Mystery and Discovery just launched a new site a few days ago called “3 Second Rule.” It’s really good, and there’s some excellent content there. As for Venusian Arts, I believe it’s now under the ownership of a former coach.

This video comes from their site. It’s 26 minutes, but it’s pure value. I learned a TON watching it, so of course I had to share it with you.

Here are some things to check out:

  • The nature of attraction (S & R value)
  • Mystery’s 5 Levels of Game
  • Discovery’s OSCA model
  • A new opener from Mystery
  • The importance of locking-in
  • Their delivery and poise

Again, there’s a lot of great stuff in the video. I hope you get as much out of it as I did.  For example, it was a great review hearing about how important locking-in is, and I enjoyed watching the way these masters carry themselves…

 

 
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Posted by on December 1, 2013 in M3 Model, Videos

 

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What A Woman Thinks When You Approach Her

bossymoksie

Bossymoksie giving the bird

I found this comment… by a woman who goes by “Bossymoksie“… on a March 7, 2013 post from SocialKenny’s Blog.

It’s about what a woman is thinking when you approach her. She’s thinking:

“Who is this guy? What does he want? And how long am I stuck with him for?” -lol, that’s exactly what we think. May I add the question “What is he going to offer me?” I know not all woman may think this right away, but I do think this is why you have to demonstrate high social value, so she thinks you are a valuable person in the world.

Nice. I learned a lot from that comment, so I wanted to share it with you, too.

Let’s break it down real quickly.

When we first approach a woman, we’ve gotta answer these questions:

  • Who is this guy?
  • What does he want?
  • How long am I stuck with him for?
  • What is he going to offer me?

or else she’s not going to hear a word of what we’re saying.

Luckily, those legendary pickup artists, Style and Mystery, discovered the tools that answer these questions right off the bat. That’s probably why they were such approach masters.

Here are the techniques they invented:

  • The “root” (reason for why you’re talking with her) answers… “What does he want?”
  • The “false time constraint” (I’m on my way out/I’m not going to be here forever) answers… “How long am I stuck with him for?”
  • DHV (self-disclosure) answers… “Who is this guy” and “What is he going to offer me?”

I also loved what she said about “what is he going to offer me?”

Soooo true!

Obviously, we know what’s in it for us if we get with this hot chick.

Well, what’s in it for her if she gets with us? That’s why we’ve gotta give her value IMMEDIATELY.

Enter the DHV.

The DHV is all about HER self-interest.

It’s NOT about you or showing off how great you are. It’s about putting an eager want inside of her… for you.

It’s like if you were to go fishing, putting a worm at the end of a hook instead of a slice of pizza. You might like pizza, but fish like worms. So, you bait the fish with worms (its self-interest) not pizza (your self-interest).

Likewise, there are certain things that attract women that don’t necessarily attract us guys. Understanding what those are and giving them to her IMMEDIATELY ignites an eager want in her. That’s what DHV is all about.

(If you’re curious what those things are that attract women more than us guys, check out my article “5 Attraction Switches” , if you’d like. It’s SUPER helpful to know about them.)

Here’s another reason DHV answers her question “what’s he going to offer me”:

It gives her something of USE. You give her a little gift right off the bat.

For example, if you share a personality test with her, she gets to learn something cool about herself. She’s smiling. Who IS this guy, she might be saying to herself. Thumbs up.

Or, if you share a funny story with her, she gets to laugh and “feel good.” Can you say “Hell, yeah”?

By the way, speaking of “feeling good,” I’ve found an even MORE effective way of answering all these questions right off the bat than the three techniques I just listed above.

And that’s banter.

If you play fight with her… starting with THE SECOND SENTENCE OUT OF YOUR MOUTH (“The Second Sentence Rule”)… in a way where you’re dominant and she’s cute… not only does it make her laugh, but it creates sexual tension.

Mmmmmmmm. Delicious.

And we all know what women say about laughter. How much they hate it and they never look for it in a guy.

Um, yeah right.

My article “Flirting” goes into how exactly to banter in a lot of detail.  Again, check it out if you’d like.

Banter is THE key to creating attraction right off the bat. Hands down. Not to sound overly dramatic or anything, but learning that skill changed my life. And I’m not even kidding.

Anyway, keep in mind those questions that Bossymoksie shared with us when guys approach her! Invaluable, invaluable, invaluable. Answer those questions and… hello awesome approach, nice to know you (read: put her at ease). Things from there are cake.

Thanks Bossymoksie for sharing that little pice of gold with us.

 
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Posted by on March 9, 2013 in A1 Opening, Home

 

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AMOGs, Shit Tests, and Bitch Shields, Part III

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The best way to be an AMOG? Treat everyone with respect and kindness.

This is actually how Mystery AMOGs. He doesn’t try to tear people down to make himself feel better. He lifts everyone else up.

And guess what happens when you do that? Naturally you put yourself into a leadership role. Hostility is not necessary for dominance.

First and foremost, treat everyone with respect. See the best in people. Make them feel important. People will be cool with you in return. You’ll make friends rather than enemies.

If that doesn’t work it’s onto Plan B.

The basic idea behind Plan B (again): Don’t accept the negative frame. Replace it with a positive one.

Here are some examples. I’ll start with AMOG situations (dealing with guys) and I’ll end with Shit Tests and Bitch Shields (dealing with girls).

There’s three basic categories of technique in either situation. “Ignore,” “Meta-frame” and “Agreeing, but Reducing to the Absurd.”

AMOGs:

1. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”

Ignore. Don’t even respond. Just keep talking about what you were talking about.

2. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”

“Cool man. Anyway.”

Less is more. Still under the “Ignore” category. The more attention you give to him, the more power you give to him. So, give the least possible attention, the least possible words, the least possible reaction.

3. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”

“That was weird. Anyway…”

Here, you stand outside their frame, judging it from a higher place. A “meta” frame. You don’t accept his frame. You see it as weird.

4. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”

“This guy you can dress him up, but you can’t take him anywhere.”

Another example of a “meta” frame. Again, notice how you don’t accept his frame. You step outside it and see it from a higher position. You see it as a social violation.

5. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”

“Yep. Doesn’t she have great taste?”

Here you actually agree with the frame but exaggerate it. The exaggeration makes his frame absurd. The technique is also known as “Yes and…” You simply agree, then exaggerate it. By doing this you’re showing his frame to be ridiculous. You’ve destroyed it with humor.

6. “Is that design on your shirt a sphincter? Man, you’re going to need somebody to protect you, mate. You’re going to have all the guys into you.”

“Dude, that’s why I rolled up on you. I need you, man. Help me, please, man. I look at you, and I just know that you were born to protect my sphincter.”

Another example of agreeing with the frame and exaggerating it to the absurd.

SHIT TESTS AND BITCH SHIELDS:

1. “Do women even like you?”

“Oh my God, you are so cute. Look at you trying to give me shit.”

Eeeeeeeeverything she does is cute. Everything. When you put a label on someone, you don’t accept their negative frame. You interpret theirs another way: her being cute. This is a type of “meta” frame.

The other advantage of specifically calling her “cute”: it creates sexual tension. Sexual tension comes from being dominant, and her being “cute.” In other words, you being masculine, she being feminine.

2. You’re talking and the girl gets all distracted.

“Hey ADD, party’s over here.”

Again, putting a label on someone interprets them in your own way. The frame goes from “you’re not very important” (her frame) to “she gets easily distracted” (your frame). You’ve stepped outside her negative frame using a “meta” frame. Nice.

3. “What kind of shirt is that?”

“Do you always wear that lipstick? Anyway…”

You’re not even answering her frame. You come up with your own. You’ve “Ignored” hers.

4. “You’re a stupid piece of shit. Get the fuck away from me!”

“That was weird.”

OR

“Wow, that was rude.”

Same kind of “meta” frame from above. Instead of playing into her negative frame, you see it from a higher position of judgment: her being completely rude.

Another way to deal with extreme rudeness:

“Oh I get it. You probably act like this all the time, and you probably get away with it too. I don’t buy it. I think that you act like a bitch and you convince people you’re a bitch but really you’re a sensitive person. I know that you’re really a nice person but you have to act this way because a lot of dorks hit on you.”

Credit: Brad P. Here you reinterpret her bitchiness in a positive way. You turn a negative frame into a positive one. Another “meta-frame.”

5. “You’re short.”

“Yes I am. Great things come in small packages.”

Agree and replace her negative insinuation with a positive one. Your positive frame is now in charge.

6. “Do you say this to all the girls?”

“Yes, you’re the 512th person I’ve said this to today.”

Agree and exaggerate.

7. “Does this make me look fat?”

“Yeah, I wasn’t going to say anything.”

Agree and exaggerate.

8. “I have a boyfriend.”

“Maybe he can make us breakfast in bed.”

Agree and exaggerate.

OR

“That’s cool. I have an uncle that has 5 cats. 4 blue ones and 1 red one. He dyed them blue and red. You should check it out sometime. Anyway…”

Agree and exaggerate… take it to the absurd.

9. “Will you buy me a drink?”

“I’d be happy to. But let me get to know you better first.”

Agree, but replace with your own frame. You’re not the stereotypical guy who thinks he has to buy girl’s attention (her frame). Your frame is we’re two human beings. Let’s focus on that first before getting money involved.

By the way, you can do this technique with any other demand she might place on you. In other words, rather than blindly jump through her hoops, let her jump through yours first. Then you can go through hers. That way it’s even. You’re not rewarding potentially spoiled, princess behavior. She gives and you give. For example:

“Sure, but before I do that, give me at least one compliment.”

10. Let’s say she’s giving you bad behavior and she doesn’t respond to a more good-humored response. Then factually point out what she did, and tell her you won’t stand for it:

“This is what you did. This is not cool with me. If this behavior doesn’t change, I’m gone.”

You don’t accept her frame where she thinks she can get away with whatever she wants because she’s hot. Stand outside of her self-absorbed frame, a “meta” frame, and call her on her shit… respectfully. If her behavior still doesn’t change, walk away. You’ve got bigger fish to fry. As a byproduct, this can actually create attraction… while halting bad behavior at the same time.

And that’s about it.

Each technique “Ignore,” “Meta-frame,” and “Agree to the Absurd” has this in common: they disregard a negative frame and replace it with a positive one. Never think you have to accept people’s negative frames. They are mere interpretations of reality, not reality itself. You can always create your own frame… and get things back to reality.

This way you stand up for yourself, but in a way that still treats people with respect.

 
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Posted by on February 19, 2013 in Frame Control, Home

 

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Qualification

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Let her bend over backwards. Then appreciate her.

Qualification is so important it’s not even funny.

Tell me if you’ve ever been in this situation. You’ve got a girl giggling, she’s facing you, and she’s touching your arm. She’s attracted to you. And you’re panicked.

WHAT DO I DO NOW?

I’ll tell you what I’ve done in the past.

EITHER…

Self-conscious. “Holy shit, she’s actually attracted to me? But I’m not really that attractive. What if I screw things up?” All of a sudden I’d feel my body getting all stilted and unnatural, and guess what? She’d lose interest in me. And I’d kick myself in the ass for being such a loser.

OR…

PSYCHED! “She likes me? Nice! Might as well show my interest in her, too.” And I’d say something like “I like you a lot, too. Let’s get together.” She’d STILL lose interest in me. And I’d be scratching my head. What did I do wrong this time?

Well, I’ll tell you what went wrong. I stopped being any sort of a challenge. When in doubt, if you’ve ever got a girl’s interest… or you’ve been doing good and don’t know what to do next, here’s what to do:

QUALIFY HER!

Once again, it was Mystery that I learned this all-important piece of wisdom from.

Here’s the reason.

Women get attracted differently than we do. They’re attracted more to PERSONALITY. We’re attracted more to looks. As long as a woman is hot enough, she might do something silly, whatever, we’d still want to sleep with her.

Not so with women.

If you make some social goof-up, let’s say you wear white socks with black shoes, often she’ll lose attraction for you. She’ll be like “what’s wrong with him?” Or, “what’s that say about him?” Or, “God, he must have really low social status.” Looks aren’t #1 for them like they are for us.

So, let’s say you’ve attracted her by being a bit of a challenge. For God’s sakes, don’t stop! Keep being a bit of a challenge. How?

Qualification.

The reason goes even deeper than that.

Attraction is a two way street. You’ve worked to attract her. Well, your job is only half done. Now, she’s got to work to attract YOU.

Let her do some of the work.

Let her do some of the work.

Showing your interest in her because she’s showing interest in you is NOT a legitimate reason for you to be interested in her, according to her.

Why?

Because it took absolutely ZERO effort on her part to get you. She’ll be like, “Well, that was easy. NEXT!” She wants to actually DO something personality-wise to EARN your attraction to her.

Well, qualification is the way.

It’s actually beautiful when you think about it. The second and third stages of the attract phase are very much brother and sister to each other. They’re mirror images.

First, I’ve got to get the woman attracted to me. Second, I’ve got to reveal I’m becoming more and more attracted to her for LEGITIMATE reasons.

Let me say that another way.

Mystery calls A2, when I get the woman attracted to me, “female to male attract.” The objective is to systematically trigger her 5 attraction switches by DHVing to her group of friends and negging, ie pushing away the target and pulling her in at the same time. The group is like “This guy is cool, funny, interesting.” And the girl is like “have my hot looks lost their super powers?”

Again, you’re a fun, interesting guy with cool topics of conversation. You’re full of good feelings, and… “wait a second,” your target says, “he’s giving me a little shit instead of being up my asshole? This is different.” Play A2 right, and she’ll show indicators of interest to you like asking your name, giggling, and all that great stuff.

It’s SUPER exciting when that happens. Belieeeeeeve me, I know. But my point is, stay cool.

All that good stuff begins A3. A3 is when the woman tries to get me attracted to her. Mystery calls it “male to female attract.” The objective is for you to encourage her… ENTICE her… to bring out the best in her, in such a way that when she DHVs to you, you can then reward her with indicators of interest of your own.

A2 and A3 are exact, perfect opposites. Attraction is a two way street. You DHV first. When she shows her attraction, get her to DHV to you. That way there’s mutual attraction based on SUBSTANCE. She’s earned your interest. It’s not because she’s interested in you.

After all, if you’re interested in her just because she’s interested in you, you leave yourself open to getting manipulated. She might think, “Oh, I see how this all works. If I act all interested in him, I’ve got him wrapped around my finger. I wonder how much I can get away with now.” Nooooooooo!

Even if she shows interest, still be a challenge. QUALIFY HER!

Getting sex from this unbelievably, incredibly hot woman must NOT be #1. You’ve got standards. Who is she as a person? She’s gotta earn your interest based on whether she’s got good substance or not. She’s gotta pass YOUR tests.

That way she’s not just being handed a fish (i.e. your interest in her) for free, but she’s WORKED to reel it in. She’s earned your interest. She’ll value it more that way. People simply don’t value free shit.

There’s an even deeper reason to qualify. And I learned this from a fantastic book called “Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants,” by Elliott Katz. Highly recommended.

Katz observed that we human beings tend to love the people we give to, more than love the people we receive from.

It’s counter-intuitive.

The more you give, for example the more you DHV, DHV, DHV, the more your interest in your target grows. But not necessarily does her interest grow for you. You get more and more invested. But not necessarily does she get more invested.

Well, it’s the exact same thing the other way around. If she can DHV, DHV, DHV to you, the more her interest in you grows. And the more she gets invested.

Sit back and let her DHV for you

Sit back and let her DHV for you. And of course, appreciate her afterwards.

The giving has gotta be mutual.

You can see this with parents. They give and give to their children. But if the children don’t give back, they’ll often resent their parents, take them for granted, or get really spoiled.

And how many times have you seen guys give and give to their woman, pay for all the things she wanted… and wonder why she’s still unhappy?

We guys want to be givers and providers. Believe me, I understand. I’m the same way.

But we’ve got to learn how to let her give to us, too. Not so that we can become takers. But to let her feelings of love grow for us.

And the really gorgeous thing is when she does something for me, I can then show appreciation to her. It ain’t gonna be bullshit appreciation. That’s for sure. Cause she’s actually done something. It’s gonna be SINCERE appreciation.

It’s such an important point, and one I’ve got to remember myself.

Recently, I left my girl a rose and a card while she was sleeping. She’s incredible, and I wanted her to know how much I appreciated her. She woke up the next morning and wrote me this lovely note in return. I was taken aback at first. It reminded me how important it is not just to give, but to receive, too.

So, qualification extends into relationships, too.

It’s okay to ask her to do stuff for you. It’s okay if she buys you a drink. It’s okay if she drives to your place. It’s okay to have her help you with your passion and life’s deepest purpose in some way. It’s okay to tell her to suck your dick.

As long as you give too, there’s nothing wrong with telling her what to do so she can give to you. In fact, make sure to do this. Her doing shit for you increases her attraction for you.

It’s weird how that works, right?

Once again, it’s NOT the more I give to a person, the more they’ll love me. It’s the other way around. We develop feelings of love to the one we’re giving to.

So, even if a girl doesn’t like a guy, just by doing things for him, good feelings towards him will grow. “I must really like this guy,” she might say. She’s investing, she’s gotta backwards rationalize it someway.

A2 is all about you giving. A3 is about receiving. Or, letting her give to you. Once she does, THEN you can state your interest and show appreciation. And now, it’s safe to hit on her.

Qualification is really the art of the compliment.

Moral of all this? Next time she shows interest in you, QUALIFY HER! Like her for LEGITIMATE reasons.

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She works. She comes to you. Now you can show interest. Magically, her interest in you will grow, too.

Here’s some qualifiers you can use.

  • “Name me three qualities that would make me want to get to know you more than just a hole in the wall.”
  • “What have you got going for you besides your looks?”
  • “Look around you, beauty is common. But what’s more important is a positive outlook, a desire to always grow as a person, and integrity. What are some things about you that would make me want to get to know you better?”
  • “If you could do anything in the world with no chance of failure, what would you want to be? And don’t say princess.”
  • “Are you adventurous?”
  • “Are you a passionate person?”
  • “Can you cook?”
  • “Who are you?”

Once she says something of interest you can be like, “No WAY! That’s awesome.”

Make her feel like you like her for legitimate reasons.

Here’s some simple ones.

  • “What’s your favorite incense?… Oh I love Jasmine!”
  • “What’s your favorite food?”
  • “What’s your favorite place to visit? Or, if you you could wake up anywhere in the world, where would it be?”
  • “What DVD would you pop in to have as comfort food for when you’re feeling down?”
  • “If I were to turn on your iPod, what song would I find playing right now? You listen to Tool? I love Tool. Get your ass over here. *Hug* Now get off me. *Release*”

And notice these questions aren’t philosophical or intellectual. The simple ones are tangible, not abstract. But all of em are EMOTIONAL. Keep it emotional. Get her FEELING what you’re feeling. Enthusiasm. Excitement. Interest.

After you qualify, and she’s said something of interest… NOW you can show your interest.

  • “Are you single?”
  • “Wow, you’re pretty cool. We should continue this.”
  • “Oh, I like this one!”
  • “Oh my God, you’re a dancer? That is so awesome. I can’t even talk to you right now.”
  • “You know what? You seem pretty cool. I’m curious about you.”
  • “We have to hang out again sometime!”
  • “That’s it, we’re getting married. We’ll fly to Vegas tomorrow. I’ll dress you up as Catwoman, and I’ll be Batman. It’ll be awesome.”
  • “You have a great energy and such an expressive personality. I admire that.”

Notice these statements have NOTHING to do with her looks. They’re about her personality. Compliment her looks when you get to the bedroom. Before then, focus on her qualities as a human being.

Anyway, all those statements above are called an “SOI” or Statement of Interest. It closes A3 and the attract phase. And it automatically moves you into comfort.

I just want to add one point to all this.

Mystery normally recommends waiting to receive three IOIs (indicators of interest) before qualifying.

If I know I’ve negged or bantered with my target, and I’ve DHVed to the group and their response is positive, I take those as IOIs enough. I cut to qualification right away. I DON’T wait. Otherwise I’ve gotten stuck in DHV land. Not a good place to be.

Whenever I qualify, I always feel this lovely shift in the conversation. It gets deeper. A connection is happening. Qualification is the perfect bridge to creating an emotional connection with her.

Okay, here’s what you can do right now.

1. Pick ONE qualifier you like a lot. Only one. You don’t want a lot swimming in your head. That gets confusing and it paralyzes you. Just pick ONE. Either from the ones I listed here, or from “My Routines Collection.”

2. Memorize it and practice it in the mirror. Now you’ve got it in your back pocket ready to go.

3. Create a stack or script. This stack should include: an opener, a neg/banter line, a DHV, your qualifier, and a statement of interest like “Are you single?”

4. Practice your stack on 10 sets in one night. You don’t have to wait to get interest from a girl to qualify her. You can do it right after you neg/banter and DHV.

5. Once that qualifier feels like it’s in your bones, you can learn a new qualifier. And repeat the process.

Now, you know. Next time you get any interest from a girl… or you don’t know what to do next… QUALIFY HER!

Your success rate will skyrocket. Guaranteed.

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Remember, game’s not over when you get a look like this from her. Keep up the challenge: QUALIFY HER. Then appreciate her afterwards. She’ll want to get to know you better, too.

 
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Posted by on January 8, 2013 in A3 Qualify, Home

 

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Mystery’s Neg Theory

“There is no conversation more boring than the one where everybody agrees.” – Michel de Montaigne, French philosopher and inventor of the essay 1533 – 1592 , From: “On The Art of Conversation”

“Challenge, and not desire, lies at the heart of seduction.” – Jean Baudrillard, French postmodern philosopher 1929 – 2007, From: “Seduction”

“We pursue that which retreats from us.” – Tao of Steve

Wanna know how to attract the hottest women RIGHT AWAY?

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WOW! The way to attract them? Negs make you stand out from the blur of guys hitting on her. Photo credit: fraspi.tumblr.com

Negs are THE tool.

Unfortunately, it’s one of Mystery’s most misunderstood concepts… especially by women. They think it’s about being mean to women.

NOT AT ALL.

Women can sometimes act like a bitch to us when we approach them. They’ll act like we’re beneath them. It doesn’t mean she’s actually a bitch. Chances are she’s sick of all the guys approaching her… and the WAY guys approach her.

BADLY.

So, she’s developed a mechanism to swat them away. A shortcut, so she doesn’t even have to think about it.

Hey, and you’re right. Sometimes it makes her feel superior, too.

Whatever the reason, unfortunately for us, often she assumes the worst about us before she’s even gotten a chance to know us.

Listen to me, and listen to me good. DON’T TAKE HER SHIT. But do this in a gentlemanly way.

Negs are that way.

Look, for us guys who just want to get to know her, the question is: How do I get through this knee-jerk response girls have, so I can talk with her?

The solution isn’t to insult her: “God! You’re such a goddam bitch!” That’s not going to get us anywhere.

The solution isn’t to bump and grind her on the dance floor hoping that will somehow make her wanna have sex with us.

Night_At_The_Roxbury_Bar

You laugh, but you’d be surprised how many guys bump and grind girls. Not once have I seen this work to attract women.

The solution isn’t to stand there staring at her and creeping her out.

And the solution isn’t to kiss her ass: “Oh my God, you’re so beautiful. Can I buy you a drink?” How many times has she heard that one?

Girls often don’t even bring money with them when they go out. ‘Cause they expect guys to buy them drinks. Then they ditch ’em. Why would these guys think such a FANTASTICAL cliche as buying her a drink would spark any interest from her?

Anyway.

Mystery’s solution was simple and brilliant. The neg.

Turn the tables on her. Play her own game on herself. It’s like a double bind.

It’s like when Jesus said “Those of you without sin cast the first stone.” He didn’t condemn them for wanting to stone the woman who committed adultery. He simply used their concept of stoning for sinning on them. The result?

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Jesus uses the stoners’ “game” on themselves. Negs do a similar thing.

They put away their stones.

Similarly, using her own “bitch shield” on herself cancels it out. How can she use it on us when we’re already using it on her… in a playful way? It ceases to function.

And it’s so DIFFERENT that it distinguishes you from the swarm of guys who use those other lame tactics.

Best of all, it allows her to finally see us as a human being, so we can talk.

That’s it. That’s all a neg is.

If a woman is hurt by a neg or if she’s not smiling and laughing, then a guy isn’t negging correctly. He’s probably being straight out mean. A neg should make a woman laugh, smile, or at least feel ENGAGED.

Here’s another way of looking at negs. They’re just good old fashioned flirting.

Two lion cubs play fighting.

Two lion cubs play fighting. That’s all negging is.

Flirting is play fighting. Stuff’s been around forever. Mystery just gave it a name.

Emphasis on PLAY. Neg is PRETEND “fighting.”

Fighting, because like Montaigne said, if everyone is agreeable, it’s boring.

Negative, because a little playful negative reinforcement and a little SPANK yanks snobbery off its high horse.

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If you get bad behavior, a playful spank says no. Don’t accept third class behavior. You’re entitled to being treated well.

Conflict, because a little playful challenge shows you don’t stand for bad behavior just because she has a pretty exterior and has on lots of fake makeup.

This is an important point. Negs take a woman off her pedestal so you can interact with her from a place of mutual respect.

Here’s one last way of looking at negs.

Think about a cat. You approach a cat to pet her, and she snuffs you. But you snuff her and all of a sudden she wants your attention. That’s what a neg is. Let her come to you. It’s not to be mean. It’s ultimately to pet the cat.

Or think about fishing. The struggle of reeling in a fish is way more fun than just being handed a fish. Negs are that extra element of a fun struggle.

We pursue that which retreats from us after all. Negs present you as a dominate MAN. A fun challenge.

Result?

Negs create mucho sexual tension INSTANTLY.

You know what? Let me just let Mystery explain it in his own words.

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Mystery. Photo Credit: Center spread of “Saturday Night” Magazine, July 2004

After listening to him, you’ll understand exactly HOW to do it.

I just want to say one more thing about negs before I have Mystery come in.

He invented the concept from PRACTICE and RESULTS. NOT from a journey into Speculation Fantasy-Land. You can argue the moralism about them till you’re blue in the face. The fact is, done with a good heart, they WORK. They work to disable her “bitchiness” so she feels INTEREST enough to talk to us human being to human being.

So, without delaying any further, here’s Mystery. Oh, and for those unfamiliar with PUA (“pickup artist”) lingo, he uses an acronym HB. It means “Hot Babe”:

February 18th, 2005, posted in FastSeduction.com

“Neg Theory” by Mystery

An HB is there, surrounded by her friends. She has put on this BITCH act. Is she REALLY a bitch? Unlikely. All my girlfriends were wonderful human beings. Beautiful people have it easier because they are beautiful and often times have better upbringings because of it.

BUT – she needs to have a standard when all these NOBODY guys approach her. So her values are very honed and understood. When a man walks up and says, “Can I buy you a beer” this WILL annoy her. While the guy thinks he’s doing something nice for her, she gets this ALL the time. She is desensitized to this. You are the 8th guy TODAY!

So she is very good at brushing all these guys off. She HAS to be… she isn’t going to sleep with ALL of them! So she may say NO, or act annoyed, and then the guy thinks she’s a bitch and he walks off pissed and feeling like a failure. And that seems to work. Sometimes when the girl is particularly in a feeling of control (like in a club where she is PREPARED for the barrage of men – it IS after all something that occurs so often that when it is GONE she MISSES it) she will accept the beer and then flake the guy off. Hey, the guys are stupid enough to buy her one; she might as well take it.

When she accepts a beer from you, the girl is saying to you, “I don’t know you and I don’t care about you. You are just another one of those typical guys and since I don’t respect you, I’ll take the beer from you before I snub you.” Since an HB is so GOOD at snuffing your approach, SNUFFING THEM is important. You CANNOT INSULT them, because they are used to all the hurt guys INSULTING them (“ahh you are nothing but a bitch!”) so this rolls off their back like water off a muskrat’s ass.

How do you SNUFF them WITHOUT INSULTING them? Well, let’s say she has long nails which are most likely fake. Now why do 10s dress so FINE if they don’t want the attention? Sometimes they LOVE the feeling of control. They are in a club with friends and they want to be the leader of the circle (social hierarchy in primates) and so she gets all the attention. The guys come and buy drinks for them and she gets off on knocking the guys down. It’s all in a days play. Ok, so she is wearing fake nails to look even BETTER! Most guys will say, “Wow you are so beautiful!” BORING, typical and in her mind by now, TRUE.

Imagine now, a guy comes along and says “Nice nails. Are they real?” She will have to concede, “No, acrylic.” And he says (like he didn’t notice it was a put down), “Oh. (Pause) well I guess they still LOOK good.” Then he turns his back to her.

What does this do to her? Well, he didn’t treat her like shit and INSULT her. He complimented her, but the result was to target her insecurity. She thinks, “I’M HOT I’M BEAUTIFUL” – (especially in her current emotional state of control) – “but I didn’t win this guy over. I’M SO GOOD at this. I’ll just fix that little smear on my image that he has of me.”

Then you continue to show disinterest in her looks as you give her a neutral topic like the Elvis script. During this time, her intention is to get you to become like all the other guys so she can feel in control and snuff you.

Then you give her another NEG HIT like this: “Is that a hair piece? Well, its neat… what do you call this hairstyle? The waffle? :)” Smile and look at her to show her you are sincerely being funny and not insulting. You are pleasant but disinterested in her beauty.

This will intrigue her because she KNOWS guys. And this isn’t normal. You must have really high taste, or be used to girls, or be married or something. These questions make her CURIOUS. So this keeps happening and is known as FLIRTING. She gives you little Negs and these tests are qualifiers. You pass them by Negging her back. After all, you aren’t like the others showing interest. But…why?

To get control again, she says, “Will you buy me a drink?” Notice how she is trying to get you now! BUT, she only wants to sucker you in enough so she can SNUFF you. That is all she is about – this strategy is all she knows and it’s not working for you so she is trying to do damage control on the situation. But at the same time she doesn’t quite understand WHY you don’t think she’s “all that.” After all, her nails ARE fake.

You say, “Ahhh, that’s so funny … your nose wiggles when you speak……” – (pointing and being cute) – “look there it goes again … its so… quaint … hheeeee look.” She’ll say, “Ahhh, stoppp!” 🙂 *blush*. Now she is self-conscious and having her in this state is where you want her. You have, with 3 negs, successfully created INTEREST (curiosity) and removed her from her pedestal (removed her bitch shield.) You were humorous, you had a smile, you dress well, you are confident and everything she would want in a man.

You didn’t take her shit. OH…and when she asked you for a beer, you said, “No. I don’t buy girls drinks. But you can buy ME one.” You are qualifying HER now. If she buys you a beer, this is symbolic of her RESPECT for you.

If not, you say, “Pleasure meeting you” [NOT arcastically] and turn your back to her again. DON’T walk away, just turn your back. You are negging her again just when she thought she was negging YOU. That is teasing each other. That is the first step to flirting. This is all textbook psychology.

A NEG is a qualifier. The girl is FAILING to meet your high expectations.

It’s not an insult, just a judgment call on your part. The better looking the girl, the more aggressive you must be with using negs. A 10 can get 3 negs up front, while an 8 gets only 1 or 2 over a longer time. You CAN go overboard if they think you are BETTER than them. You can drop the self-esteem right from under them (just like most 10s do to guys) and this isn’t good. You have to get as close to the breaking point as you can without crossing the line. Once you have gotten her RIGHT THERE, you can start appreciating things about her (NEVER LOOKS.) There is a mutual RESPECT now. Something most guys never get from the girl.

This is how you remove a bitch shield. 3 negs ought to do it within 2 or 3 minutes of neutral chat. Once it is down, you can, from a place of mutual respect, seduce her.

Mystery

Just to put to rest all the objections women tend to have against negs, and how guys can sometimes misuse them, I wanna take a female objection and respond to it.

The objection comes from Victoria Zdork, also known as Dr. Z.

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Victoria Zdork, or “Dr. Z.” Model, non-practicing attorney, author, sex therapist. She misunderstands negs.

She was Miss October in 1994 for Playboy. And Penthouse Pet of the Year in 2004. She also earned a JD and a PhD in clinical psychology. But ultimately became a sex therapist and published author.

She wrote a book called “Dr. Z on Scoring.” Check out the picture below of her in a tub of her books.

Dr. Z in a tub of her books.

Dr. Z in a tub of her books. Nice.

I actually learned a ton from reading it. She gave a great female perspective on what it’s like to be a hot woman. For example, how insecure hot women are because they’re afraid they won’t be beautiful someday. But in one place she condemns Mystery’s negs.

This is what she says (p. 217-218, “Dr. Z on Scoring”):

Negs are grounded in the faulty belief that gorgeous women are overly confident and do not respond to compliments, thus the way to get her attention is to pretend that you’re not that interested and that you are qualifying her by making a subtle insult disguised as a compliment. He claims that when he uses these kinds of statements on gorgeous women they respond by working harder to gain his attraction. Let me tell you–this is total bullcrap! For me, these kind of petty, immature statements would suggest that a guy is a total weirdo or some strange fetishist. In fact, it would be an instantaneous turnoff! And all the centerfolds I have interviewed have wholeheartedly agree.

I’ll respond to her points one at a time.

> “He believes gorgeous women are overly confident”:

Mystery doesn’t claim gorgeous women are overly confident. He just claims women can put up a “Bitch Act,” especially in a club setting. He doesn’t judge them for this. In fact, he attempts to empathize with them. He claims her “act” is just a shield to protect herself from the barrage of men. I’d add a point. Could one argue that a lot of insecure people sometimes put up such “superiority” masks to protect themselves in general? But the issue isn’t over confidence. It’s the bitch act.

> “He believes women do not respond to compliments”:

Nowhere does Mystery claim this. Again, negs are simply a tool to deactivate the “bitch shield.” It’s done within the first 2-3 minutes. If a women comes across as particularly “superior” more negs are required. If a woman has low confidence, then it’s not appropriate to use negs at all. Negs are to be used in response to the “snobbish superiority” act. It’s a way to shut it down. That’s all. Once the shield is down and there’s mutual respect, the next step–qualification–is all about the art of giving a compliment.

> “Negs are a subtle insult disguised as a compliment”:

Negs are NOT insults. It is a qualification. Meaning, it’s to see past a woman’s pretty exterior and ask “is there more to you than meets the eye?” It’s a way of taking her off the pedestal and interacting with her as a human PERSON. And often it’s a neutral observation about something factual in her appearance (not a value judgement) like nails, hair, shoes. They are used on the 9s and 10s that are used to being spoiled and worshipped. These women are used to being told they’re beautiful or a bitch or being offered a drink, and a neg throws a wrench in the whole system. And can be a welcome breath of fresh air for her.

> “He claims negs make her work hard to gain his attraction”:

Negs are meant to break the bitch shield. And it’s true, it does create attraction, too. I mean, when a person says something that’s different from the norm, it makes you different… and interesting. An interrupt from a predictable routine would pique anybody’s interest. Also, I’ve said it once I’ll say it again. We purse that which retreats from us. A guy who does NOT stare or bump and grind her or gives her lots of compliments or spend hoards of money on her… that makes him a bit of challenge. He’s got an edge. That creates curiosity, electricity, excitement… attraction. Her point here seems to imply negs are manipulative. It’s not manipulation. It’s being different, unpredictable, challenging, interesting.

> “If someone used a neg on me, I would think he was a weirdo or strange fetishist, and it would turn me off. All the centerfolds I have interviewed whole-heartedly agree”:

Well, if she presented the concept of negs the way she did above, they probably WOULD agree with her. Aside from the questionable way she may have interviewed her subjects, negs are not based on mere speculation. Like I said before, it’s based on PRACTICE and what actually WORKS in the real world.

Rather than condemn, a more interesting question would be to ask what makes them work so well?

When it comes down to it, women snuff guys all the time. It sucks and it’s painful. The idea isn’t to fall for it. The idea is to preempt it, and to intrigue her. Then a real connection can happen.

Here are a couple more objections from women:

> How would YOU feel if a woman told YOU you had something on your nose? Bad idea.

Women use negging on men constantly. It’s so ubiquitous, we sometimes don’t even notice it any more. We are expected to let it slide off us. Our negs are meant to cancel out hers.

> I’m telling you that any sort of remark that makes a woman feel self-conscious is NOT going to get her associating good feelings with you.

The idea is never to hurt her feelings. It’s to show her beauty is just skin-deep. Just because she’s beautiful doesn’t mean she gets away with bratty behavior. Her pedestal is not real. She’s a human being, so am I. Also, it’s to show I’m not trying to sleep with her. It’s actually to put her at ease and make her feel comfortable. With negs we want to make her laugh, smile, and see us as more than just the next guy approaching her. Once we get all that out of the way, appreciation and kinds words are close behind. But now they’re earned, and they feel more sincere.

The Prince rescues Snow White from her pedestal where she was asleep and lonely. Mutual appreciation follows. And they live happily ever after... provided he doesn't put her back on a pedestal.

The Prince rescues Snow White from her pedestal where she was asleep and lonely. Mutual appreciation follows. And they live happily ever after.

Now that I’ve beat the subject of negs to death, here’s what you can do RIGHT NOW to practice them.

Step 1. Pick ONE of the following lines (a lot of these are just “play fighting” lines):

  • “I can already tell, you and I are NOT gonna get along.”
  • “That’s it, we’re breaking up. You keep the cat, I’ll keep the DVDs.”
  • “You’re fired!”
  • “You’re such a dork.”
  • “Quit looking at my chest. My eyes are up here!”
  • “You are so cute! I wanna put you in my pocket and take you home with me. Wait… are you house-broken?”

Step 2. Practice delivering ONE of these lines in the mirror. Have a smile on your face. Say them in the spirit of play. If you make yourself chuckle saying them, you’re ready for the next step.

Step 3. Try the line on a coworker, a cashier, or a girl you approach. If you use it on a girl you approach, make sure you do it within the SECOND SENTENCE out of your mouth. Known as the “Second Sentence Rule.” It’s important not to wait to spark attraction, but do it RIGHT AWAY. Embed this within a DHV or topic of conversation.

Step 4. Watch her laugh. And feel the INSTANT attraction you’ve just created.

cameron_diaz

Give her a smile. She’s attracted.

That’s the beauty of negs.

 
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Posted by on January 3, 2013 in A2 Attract Her, Home

 

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