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Swinging: A Relationship Spice

Two couples getting ready to swing

Two couples about to swap partners. Credit: thelostogle.com

Let’s talk about keeping a relationship alive.

I covered some of my favorite tips  in my article, “Keeping A Relationship Alive,” and “The 7 Rings of Desire,” but I wanna take all that a step further.

You only need two glues to keep a relationship together: communication and sex.

If there’s no communication, there’s isolation, and that’s the opposite of relation…ship. It’s a relation…shit. (Bah-boo-boo-ching. I’ll be here all night.)

And once the sex goes, what’ve you got left, but mere friendship?

Now, here’s the problem.

When it comes to having sex in a long-term relationship… We get into our little routines. We do the same moves over and over. We have sex in the same place time after time. After a while it gets boring. And you’re like, “sex again? Ugh.” Then you go whack it to some porn.

That’ll do wonders for your relationship. Not.

What’s the solution? Variety. If the problem is doing the same thing over and over, then the solution is to shake things up a little, right? Of course it is.

Well, what kind of stuff can I throw in there for variety’s sake?

You sure you wanna ask me that? Okay, bro. You asked for it. Here’s a quick list for starters:

  • Dirty talk
  • Dirty texts
  • Role Play
  • Getting her to pose for pics
  • Using the Remote Control Egg while out in Public
  • Spanking
  • Constraints
  • Sex toys
  • Hypnosis
  • Watch Porn Together
  • Entice, then Deny
  • Deeply Intimate Sex
  • Threesomes
  • Swinging

Swinging? Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Before you get too crazy about the idea, let me just explain, all right?

WHY SWINGING

It used to be  monogamy was the “gold standard” of a loving relationship. It used to be that “opening the relationship” to other people would destroy the relationship. It used to be saying “I think we should see others” was code for let’s breakup.

Not anymore.

You’d be surprised how many happily committed couples swing. You’d be surprised at how not only does it NOT destroy their relationship, but it often brings them closer together.

‘Cause it takes trust. ‘Cause you go on an adventure TOGETHER. ‘Cause you learn to appreciate what you have even more.

But here’s the coolest part: you get to bring out your woman’s inner-slut.

Mm-hm. Oh, hell yeah.

Now by “slut” I don’t mean a woman who sleeps around.

I mean a woman who’s sexually uninhibited, adventurous, expressive, animalistic. EVERY woman has that sexual beast in them. It’s just that women don’t always get to bring her out to play too often.

Well, by leading her into new territories of sexual experience, you can help your woman awaken the full potential of her sexuality. And she’ll love you even MORE for it.

Nice, right?

So, let’s take a peek at swinging. As a way of keeping your relationship alive, and awakening your woman’s sexuality.

First, I’ll look inside the Swinger’s community. Then I’ll give you some tips in how to introduce your woman to it. Finally, I’ll give you a few quick etiquette tips during the whole swinging experience.

Sound good?

THE SWINGER COMMUNITY

First things first. The goal is not to gratify your own selfish desires. If you’re gonna swing, do it as something you and your girl do TOGETHER. Your goal is to enhance your relationship.

Okay with that important disclaimer out of the way, let’s get into the good stuff.

You’ll find most swingers are in their 30s and 40s. Yes, you’ll find swingers in their 20s, 50, 60s, too. But a lot of them are in that 30s-40s range. Most couples are married, with the guy being straight and the girl being bi, but you’ll find all sorts of variations.

There are three basic ways to meet other couples who swing: dances, on-premises clubs, or online ads. Let’s look at each.

1. The Dances

Swinger dances are filled with open bisexual behavior. Yet they consist entirely of couples. Here’s something else that’s funny. Every one of these dances admit single women, but very few allow single men. Isn’t that funny? It’s probably for good reason because check out what the dances are like…

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This took place in “The Legacy Club,” a swinger’s club in Orlando. Swinger’s clubs are filled with open sexual behavior, including between hot bisexual women. Sweet! Credit: lustwave.com

At these dances you’ll find two women going down on each other in a corner or women sucking another woman’s tits on the dance floor. Mwah-ha-ha (my evil laugh).

Some dances are held in the ballroom of a hotel so couples can reserve a hotel room that night.

Okay, so much for the dances. Here are what the on-premise clubs are like.

2. The On-Premise Clubs

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I took this from “The Sugar House,” a swinger’s club in Denver, Colorado. Credit: sugarhousedenver.com

You’ll find rooms with one bed that have a door that locks. Oooor, rooms with many beds with no locks on the door. In other words, you’ll find private rooms or public rooms.

Why do they have bedrooms at the clubs?

Tee-hee. So, after you meet a couple you like, you can get down to business right there and then. Hahaha!

Can you imagine if all clubs had bedrooms in them for that reason? Wouldn’t that be glorious? Well these clubs do, which is just cool.

Anywho. There are two types of swaps: “full swap” and “soft swap.” Full swap is when couples have intercourse with each other’s spouses. Soft swap is when couples do everything with each other’s spouses except intercourse.

The cool thing about either one these clubs or dances is you don’t have to seduce the other woman. All you have to do is be cool, fun, and relatively attractive. You don’t really need game. All you have to do is eliminate the couples who are there only for a soft swap (if what you’re after is the full swap, of course).

The downside to this no-need-for-game is swingers can be superficial. Couples often choose each for how physically attractive you and your girl are. It’s not based on emotional connection or personal qualities.

And it’s the girls who tend to be the picky ones. The guys usually go along with whatever.

Okay, you’re probably wondering by now, “How do you find these dances and clubs?”

Just put in a search the on web for dances and clubs in your area. Go to them. Meet the people there. As they get to know you, they’ll invite you to large, unadvertised dances or parties where beautiful swingers go.

You’re in.

3. Online Ads

Finally, you can search online ads like this www.swinger-nation.ie for other couples who swing.

All you do here is exchange pictures and emails with another couple. You then agree to meet up at a local bar for drinks. You spend maybe a half hour or so talking. That’s all you need before it’s time to get down to business.

Kinda cool as to how there’s no need for games and stuff like that, right? Swingers are very okay with sex already, they want it, it’s already on the table, so there’s no need to pretend and beat around the bush.

Cool, fine, whatever. But HOW do you get your girl to swing?

Ah, the million-dollar question. Let’s talk about that now. That last one would take a whole other article itself to breakdown.

HOW TO GET YOUR GIRL TO SWING

From David Shade, I learned there are three ways to do it. One of them is advanced. Here they are:

1) Tell her three fantasy-stories. Make one about swinging, and see how she responds.

2) Just tell her you’re going to take her to a swinger’s dance.

3) Have a threesome with your girl first, then take her to a Swinger’s dance.

Let’s just focus on the first two.

1. Tell her three fantasy stories

It’s night, you’re in bed with your girl, you kiss her up, get her in the mood. You don’t stick it in yet, though. Stop and tell her it’s “Story-Time”:

You: “Hey baby, I’ve written three fantasies for you. I wanna read them to you.”

Her: “Okay!”

Read the fantasies aloud to her, if you’ve written them out ahead of time. I means wou don’t have to write them out ahead of time, if you don’t want. You can just tell her three fantasies.

Make the FIRST FANTASY about something you know already excites her. Maybe it involves a movie star she likes. Maybe it involves getting massaged and given a bath before sex. Maybe it involves getting ravished by a shadowy stranger in an alleyway. Whatever. Just make it about something she’s already excited about. And feel free to use hypothetical people.

Make the SECOND FANTASY about a threesome. Again, feel free to use hypothetical people. But whatever you do, make sure to set the fantasy up like it’s a story.

It’s funny because when you compare romance novels and female erotica with porn, you’ll see in “female porn” there’s an actual story with characters. In other words, they don’t go straight to the sex. The sex scenes are built up to, with a story.

So, follow suit. In your fantasy, set up the threesome with characters. Tell a  story about how a threesome would happen. Describe the threesome in a way that would excite the hell out of her with the forbidden, with resistance, with anticipation. What I’m trying to say is don’t make it just about the deed, include lots of buildup.

If you’re drawing a blank on stories to tell her, here’re some books I refer to for ideas:

  • “My Secret Garden” by Nancy Friday
  • “Private Thoughts” by Wendy Maltz and Suzie Boss
  • “To Turn You On” by J. Aphrodite.

Hell, you could probably ready one of these fantasies for her. There are threesome stories in there. Reading one of those would do the trick, too.

If you don’t want to buy one of those books (I’d highly recommend you invest in one because it goes a long way in helping a guys understand how to turn women on), you could even put a search on the web for “female fantasies.” There’s plenty out there for free. Here’s a great resource right here.

Make the THIRD FANTASY about a man who brings home another man to help him double penetrate his girl.

After you’ve read/told her the three fantasies, polish the night off with some AWESOME sex.

At a later time (could be that night or the next day), ask her what she thought of the three fantasies. When she mentions the   double penetration one, tell her:

“I think that would be exciting in the context of a secure relationship. There would be no jealousy. It would be about giving you amazing pleasure and making the relationship even more exciting.”

You’ve planted the seed.

On another night, do ANOTHER “Story-Time.” Tell her THESE three fantasies:

The FIRST about a threesome, the SECOND about double penetration, the THIRD about spouse-swapping.  And, of course, polish off the night with great sex.

Discuss the fantasies that night or the next day. When she mentions the spouse-swapping one, talk about how that would be exciting within the context of a secure relationship, too. Especially if it’s done as something that would bring the two of you closer together. Emphasize that. That’s it’d be something that would bring a couple closer together.

When she agrees, put in a search on the web for swinger dances clubs in your area, or search online ads. Then tell her you’re going to take her to a swinger’s club or meet a couple.

Yes, you might get objections. I’ll talk about that under the next option.

2. Just tell her you’re going to take her to a Swinger’s Dance

The second option is a little more direct.

Search swinger clubs or online ads in your area. Find something you like. Then say to her:

“Hey, I’m taking you to a swinger’s night this Saturday night. It’ll be awesome. We’ll just watch for a little bit. And you can decide if you want to stay longer.”

Bam, done.

Well, maybe not quite done. She’ll probably bring up some objections like: the people in the community are unattractive and skanky. Or, it might destroy the relationship.

As for the first concern, there are MANY attractive people in the swinger community. And lots of hot, bisexual women. That right there will probably be the biggest draw for a woman.

How?

Because about one-third of women admit they’re bisexual, one-third are secretly open to the idea, and one-third would try it but they have a dogmatic social stigma against it. Women simply find other women attractive. This might be her chance she’s always wanted to try.

As for the second objection, make sure she understands it will be done in the context of a secure relationship. It’s meant to be done TOGETHER. It’s to meant to add enjoyment to your already wonderful sex life, and to bring you two other closer together. No jealousy. She’s always #1. And if it any time she feels uncomfortable, let her know you’ll stop.

For example, the dialogue might look something like this (credit goes to David Shade in  “Bring Out Her Inner Slut”):

You: “This Saturday I’m taking you to a Swinger’s club.”

Her: “What? Why?”

You: “I’ve always been curious about the swinger community, and I want to learn about it. We’ll watch and you decide if you wanna stay longer or not.”

Her: “Why do you want to learn about swingers?”

You: “I’m curious about why they swing.”

Her: “They’re probably all swanky.”

You: “From what I’ve heard, many of them are attractive. And all the women are bisexual.”

Her: “So you want us to get into swinging?”

You: “I’m not saying I want us to get into swinging. I’m just curious about the community, and want to learn about it.”

Her: “Are you not happy with me?”

You: “Of course I’m happy with you. I love you. I love having sex with you, and you’re the most beautiful woman in the world to me. But you know me. I’m also always looking for ways to enhance our relationship. It’s just an experiment. It”ll only be for us and to bring us closer together. You’re always number one. And if at any point you don’t like it, we’ll stop.”

Her: “If we do this, I don’t want you kissing another woman on the mouth.”

You: “Fair.”

Her: “Okay. Fine. I’ll try it just once…”

I’ve gotta tell you… Don’t be surprised if she becomes VERY enthusiastic about it. Haha

Okay, once your girl’s ready to rock n roll, let me give you a few etiquette tips once it’s time to get down to business…

SOME ETIQUETTE TIPS WHEN IT COMES TIME TO SWING

1. Before The Deed:

  • BE GROOMED. The better looking you and your girl are, the more couples will be interested in you. How can we guys become more attractive? We can bump ourselves up on the attractiveness scale (let’s say from a “5” to a “7”) just by being groomed. That means no stragglers hanging from the nose. Showered. Shaved. Dressed well. Smelling good.
  • BE COOL. You don’t have to seduce the other woman. And DEFINITELY don’t be pushy. Just be cool. What do I mean by that? Have social graces. By “social graces” I mean you make eye contact (shows honesty), you listen and ask about them (don’t hog the conversation), you’re fun, playful (see my article “Flirting” for more on this), and you’ve got interesting things to talk about (even though this article about conversation is on pickup, it covers basics of good conversation… talking in terms of them). Just be likable, fun, “normal.” You’re in.
  • BE THE GUY’S BEST BUDDY. You’re going to be fucking his wife. He’s gotta be able to trust you. So, show him respect. And bond with him.

2. During The Deed:

  • TAKE THE LEAD. When it comes time to do the deed, people get hesitant. Who will make the first move? I’ll tell you, women don’t like to. And the other guy might not know how. So, take the lead. How? First, instruct the girls to kiss. After they’ve done that for a while, instruct them to strip and eat each other out. Sit back and enjoy the show with the guy. Soon, the girls will be ready for cock and will want you guys to join in. WARNING: Just because they’re swingers doesn’t meant they’re the world’s greatest lovers. All the more reason to take the lead.
  • MAKE YOUR GIRL #1. Include your woman in everything you do. If she’s ever feeling uncomfortable, stop. It’s not about getting your rocks off. It’s about enhancing your relationship with her. If you’ve set rules ahead of time (maybe she doesn’t want you to come in the other woman), make sure you abide by them. Always make sure she’s cool, first.

3. After the Deed:

  • NO CUDDLING WITH THE OTHER WOMAN. This goes with “Make Your Girl #1.” No cuddling or emotional bonding with the other woman. That will cause jealousy. Swap wives, tell the couple it was nice meeting them afterward, maybe even talk for a few minutes. Then leave. No emotional drama. The lack of clinginess and emotional drama is actually a breath of fresh air.

CONCLUSION

If you’re gonna swing, remember these three important points:

  • Women are highly sexual and this can bring her sexuality out even more.
  • Take the lead.
  • It’s about enhancing your relationship and expanding her sexual experience.

Swinging is a shit-load of fun. It can truly bring you two closer together. It will definitely add variety and spice to your sex life. And it can bring out the love and appreciation you two have for each other even more.

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Swinging couples enjoying some time together. Credit: momlogic.com

 
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Posted by on January 1, 2014 in Home, Monoamory, Polyamory

 

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Sex Tips, Part 9: Settings

Switch up the settings to add excitement to sex. Sex in public is fantastic setting--except when you get caught

You can have sex in public. Just don’t get caught

Don’t have sex in the same setting over and over again. Change the setting. Just that simple tweak and you avoid sex from becoming old hat. Not only that, you give it spice and variety. And that’s always a good thing.

Here are some ideas:

1. Bend her over a table

2. Bend her over the car

3. Go up her dress in a restaurant

4. Wake her up in the middle of the night

5. Sit her on a desk and eat her out

6. Fuck her in the shower (or bathtub)

7. Fuck her in the kitchen

8. Fuck her in the car

9. Fuck her in an open field

10. On the floor

11. On the beach

12. Under the stars

13. Take her panties off while she’s washing the dishes.

14. On a commercial break.

15. In an airplane, bus, train (thank God for blankets or bathroom stalls)

16. Fuck her in any other public place where you could get caught: back walkway in a shopping mall, empty university classroom, bathroom stall in a bar or store, your office after hours, golf course, cemetery (very peaceful and quiet there), secluded area of a park, in an elevator, against the outside of your building (at night), while sunbathing in the backyard, in an outdoor cafe, in someone’s house (like at a party) where anyone could come in at any time, over the middle bench of a canoe (with a salty mist and a nice breeze).

Hahahaha I love it, love it, love it.

17. Oral or manual sex while driving

18. In the water (ocean, hot tub, lake, river…)

Having sex in the water... talk about adding some excitement

Having sex in the water… talk about adding some excitement

 
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Posted by on June 7, 2013 in Home, Sex

 

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Sex Tips, Part 4: Getting Her Horny

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As if kissing doesn’t get her horny. Ha! Here are some other ways to get her juices flowing:

1. Clue into her mood: If she’s coming on strong… give her crazy, jungle sex. If she’s coming on more sensual/caressing… start slow. Women are like feeling itself, constantly changing. So, get in tune with how she’s feeling. That can tell you how to proceed.

2. Her skin all over is a sex organ: Her pussy and tits aren’t her only sex organs. Her skin ALL OVER is a sex organ. So, explore her WHOLE body.

3. Stimulate her LESS obvious body parts first: In other words do NOT go straight to the tits and pussy first. Go to the less obvious body parts first. Examples:

  • Back of neck
  • Between shoulder blades
  • Lower back
  • Ass
  • Calves
  • Underside of boob
  • Inside of elbow
  • Wrist
  • Belly button
  • Thighs
  • Between ankle bone and achilles tendon
  • Feet

4. Use some props: Talk about making things a little more exciting, add a few props to the mix. Here are some ideas:

  • Blindfolds: All I have to say is… “Fifty Shades of Grey.” Bind her hands and feet. Blindfold her. Tickle her senses. Walk away. She doesn’t know what you’re gonna do next. Nice. Check out this scene from 9 1/2 Weeks for some ideas:
  • Whipped cream: I hear “creme fraiche” is even better. Something about it’s got a more oily consistency. Lasts longer. In any event, put some of this shit on her body and lick it off. Yum.
  • Chocolate and fruit: Same idea. Cover her body parts with fruits and chocolate and eat it off her. And of course, you know how much women love chocolate. Have her eat chocolate and fruit off of you too. Here’s another scene from 9 1/2 Weeks for some more ideas:
  • Vibrator: While you’re fucking her G-spot with your cock, use a vibrator on her clit. Doubles the chances of her reaching the summit. Hello.
 
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Posted by on May 6, 2013 in Home, Sex

 

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Sex Tips, Part 2: Initiating Sex

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Here are some ideas for initiating the sex.

1. Smile: Women are turned on by a great smile. Melts away barriers.

2. Make her laugh: Puts her in a good mood. And relaxes her. (banter, tickle, fifth grade tactics, laugh at yourself)

3. Connect with her emotionally: Share your secrets. Listen to hers. Appreciate her. Get naked emotionally… one step away from getting naked physically.

4. Be a gentleman: Pull out chairs, open doors, help her with her jacket, be decisive. Play the protector role. Puts her into the feminine role. Hello, sexual electricity.

5. Read erotica to her: “Fifty Shades of Grey” maybe? Nancy Friday’s “My Secret Garden”… hell yeah. Anne Rice’s “Sleeping Beauty”… another good one. Puts her in the mood.

6. Give her a bubble bath: Light candles, incense, get music going. Pamper her. Again, sets the right mood.

7. Pet her hair: Not sure why women love getting their hair pet, but it works. I won’t argue.

8. Give her a foot massage: Relaxes her. A lot of guys neglect her feet. Killer way to get her in the mood.

9. Take her from behind: Maybe she’s washing the dishes. Come up from behind and take her. Don’t ask. Take what’s yours.

10. Have a quickie: Women love quickies, too. Let’s say she’s washing the dishes again. Bend her over. Lift up her skirt. And fuck her. Exciting. Surprising. Wrong. But oh so right.

11. Scoop her up: Let’s say you’re 100 feet from the house. Scoop her up. Carry her to bed. And have your way with her.

12. Manhandle her: Pick her up. Throw her on the bed. Pin her down. Pull her hair. Enjoy. Chances are she’ll enjoy it, too.

13. Undress her slowly: Don’t rip off all her clothes at once. Women love the agony of anticipation. By the way, that means you too, hot shot. Slow down when you undress.

14. Dress her up: I’m serious. Put on her panties, her bra, her shirt, her pants. Show I don’t just manhandle you. I take care of you, too. You’re my girl.

15. Make wardrobe requests: Tell her what to wear. It’s the whole decisiveness thing again. Can put her in the mood.

See a pattern here? Set the right mood. Be the man.

 
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Posted by on April 29, 2013 in Home, Sex

 

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Sex Tips, Part 1: Getting Prepped

Getting prepped

Getting prepped.

I’m gonna dig into one of my favorite subjects here.

Sex.

You can have your inner and outer-games together, but if you don’t know what to do with her when you get her into bed, she might not be coming back to you for more.

Here’s some sex tips I’ve learned along the way. There’s a few here, so I’m gonna split them into separate posts. Starting with how to prep, and going all the way to intercourse.

Hell, yeah.

As you could probably tell from the title of this one, this post is all about how to get prepped.

>>>TIP #1. Masturbate.

Wait, wait, wait. Isn’t masturbation bad?

Well, like my basketball coach used to say, practice don’t make perfect. PERFECT practice makes perfect.

Same thing with sex. And masturbation is your practice. How you masturbate is how you’ll perform. Bust a nut FAST… guess what? That’s probably how you’ll be with her.

By the way, WARNING: Ejaculating too often weakens your shit.

Solution?

DON’T ejaculate.

WHAT?!

I know, I know. Seems crazy. I thought the same thing.

But here’s the thing. You can actually orgasm without ejaculating. Swear to God.

They’re two separate physical functions. We’re used to experiencing them happening together, so we’ve come to believe they’re the same. They’re not. And you can train yourself to separate one from the other.

How?

Rate your sexual excitement from 1 – 10. 10 is orgasm. 1 is Janet Reno on a cold day. When you get to 7, back off. Masturbate again until you get to 8, then back off again. Masturbate again until you get to 9, then back off.

It takes a shit load of practice and discipline. To be honest, it took me about 9 months. But I had a lot of fun along the way. I mean… who said that?

And, don’t worry. Guys have succeeded in getting non-ejaculatory orgasms in way less time than I did.

But goddam, it feels so good, you just want to come. So, it’s a bitch and a half. If you come, no worries. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Just keep at. Soon, you’ll be orgasming without ejaculating. I promise.

Here’s another tip about lasting longer. When you focus too much sexual energy in your cock, you spew. Same thing when you tense up your groin muscles. Tension makes you ejaculate.

So, relax your groin muscles. You last longer. Magic!

Also, move the sexual energy away from your cock and move it throughout your body. You kinda have to use your imagination to do this.

First, feel the sexual energy in your body. Usually, you’ll feel it down there. Then, when you inhale, breathe the energy away from your cock down to your toes… or up to your head… or your chest… or wherever you want.

This allows you to have an “internal” orgasm, rather than an “external” one. And when you can have an internal orgasm, you can have multiple orgasms, too. I know I have.

I’m aware that this sounds a little crazy. It did to me when I first heard it. But open your mind and try it out. When you experience it, you’ll know what I mean.

Here’s the biggest pay off.

You train yourself to enjoy the “process” of sex rather than rush to the climax. This heightened awareness helps you become a better lover. When you’re fully present with the woman you’re with, you get to enjoy the real fun in sex. Not the climax, but the here and now.

So, again, the way you masturbate is how you perform. Practice NOT ejaculating.

>>>TIP #2. Trim your nails.

If you finger her and your nails aren’t trimmed, you can seriously hurt her. Trim your nails.

>>>TIP #3. Shave.

That stubble can feel like 60-grit sandpaper on her face and thighs. Shave, so you don’t hurt her.

>>>TIP #4. Keep condoms handy.

Keep em under the pillow. Then when it’s time to put it in, you don’t have to go hunting for one. It’s right there. Also, keep one in the car console, in case you don’t make it to the bedroom.

>>>TIP #5. Keep lube handy.

You can never have too much lube. Extra lube helps with clit stimulation, G-spot stimulation, and deep-spot stimulation. Certain lubes can also work great for massages, too. And as you and I know, massages are PRIMO in getting women in the mood.

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What happens when you give a woman a massage 

Lesson? You can never have too much lube. Keep the mo-fo handy.

 
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Posted by on April 24, 2013 in Home, Sex

 

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No Foreplay till the SEVENTH phase of a pickup

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Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Are you trying to tell me you don’t arouse her until the SEVENTH phase?

Exactly.

What’re you crazy?

Hey man, foreplay ain’t till the seventh phase of a pickup. What can I say? Attract her FIRST.

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That means open the set. Phase 1. Attract your target. Phase 2. And qualify your target. Phase 3. Duration: approximately 5 minutes.

Build trust and comfort with her SECOND.

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Isolate her in the venue you met her. Phase 4. Bounce her to a venue not in the pickup location and not in the seduction location. Phase 5. Invite her back to your place. Phase 6. Duration: a few hours.

THEN you can arouse her. Phase 7.

seducing a woman

So, you’re telling me not to kiss her until then?

No, no, no, no.

When you first kiss a girl it’s NOT to arouse her. It’s to build comfort. Kiss her for the first time during the comfort phase. And when you first kiss, DON’T be sticking your tongue down her throat, making out, or anything like that. Kiss on the lips (without tongue), then pull away.

There’s a classic example of this in Woody Allen’s “Annie Hall.” Check it out:

The first kiss is just to build comfort now. You eliminate the “friend zone.” And it makes it easier to get down and busy later when you’re alone with her.

Save foreplay for the SEVENTH phase. You’ll see some guys make out with a girl in public. Don’t do this. Save it for private. When you’ve attracted her and built a connection with her, THEN you can arouse her in private.

Wanna know the coolest part of waiting this long?

You build waaaaaaay more sexual tension.

For example, BEFORE foreplay:

  • DO touch her always, holding her hand, giving her a kiss, a massage, a playful nudge, whatever.
  • DO bounce her to several locations before you invite her back to your place.
  • DO introduce her to other people, so she sees you’re a social person.
  • DO say “I’m trying so hard not to kiss you” before you kiss.
  • DO say “Let’s slow this down” when you first kiss. And pull away.
  • DO always be willing to walk away, never crowding her or supplicating to her.
  • DO have her sit down when she comes into the seduction location, get her a drink, talk, relax for a bit. DON’T pounce on her.

By that time she’ll often do the seduction for you.

In a way, all this IS foreplay. Maybe what I should say is: don’t AROUSE her till the seventh phase of a pickup.

After you’ve talked a bit in the living room, kiss her again. You’ve been doing it all along. But now you can kiss her to AROUSE her.

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And lead her into the bedroom.

My point is, no need to rush into sex. Do touch and kiss for those few hours before she’s alone in a seduction location with you. Hold off on arousing her till that private time. You’ll build sexual tension, sidestep last minute resistance (phase 8), make sex (phase 9) something she wants, and avoid “buyer’s remorse” later.

Okay, fine. But how do arouse her during this “seventh” phase?

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THAT’S an excellent question. I’ve got some stuff on all that in the “Sex” section of this website. Check it out if you’d like. But it’s basically the same principle. The more anticipation and teasing and not-rushing-into-sex you do, the more aroused she gets. Funny how that works, huh?

Turn on her mind, and her panties will follow. That’s the whole beauty of waiting till the seventh phase.

 
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Posted by on December 21, 2012 in Home, S1-S3 Seduction

 

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First Time Sex

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I’m gonna let Mystery talk about first time sex here. He’s got some great words of wisdom.

Mystery: First time sex is very important.

I live in a world of abundance. Seriously. Do you know how many WOMEN are out there?

So, first time sex is NOT about trying to get your rocks off. Have sex with her because you legitimately LIKE this girl.

Sleep with ’em because you like ’em.

I’ve gone through my rockstar phase. I’ve had some hot girls… but they weren’t QUALITY. Crazy, huh?

I personally only go after women who has a sexuality and a personality about them that keeps me engaged.

First time sex is important. Practice up to that part. But don’t have sex with a girl and afterwards you’re like I don’t want to see her again.

Wouldn’t you rather look down and say, “Oh my God! I can’t believe she’s laying here next to me. I deserve this, but holy shit. I’m gonna do my best to be the best man possible, ’cause she inspires me.”

This is from an interview he did with David DeAngelo of David’s “Interviews with Dating Gurus” series.

It’s a point well taken. Be careful who you have sex with. Don’t have sex just to get your rocks off or feed your ego or brag to the guys “I conquered her.” Have sex with her because you actually like her.

So, practice pickup up to the point of sex. And if she’s a girl you honestly like, go for it.

If you are gonna go for it, here are some quick rules of thumb to follow.

1. Tease her, give her lots of arousal, and build anticipation. That means there’s absolutely no rush to stick your dick into her. The more she’s worked up before you enter her, the closer she’ll be to the edge of orgasm. And make sure she comes before you do.

2. There’s no need to be silent just because you’re in bed with her. Talk with her. Tell her how beautiful she looks, describe what you’re doing and use dirty words like “fuck,” “cock,” and “pussy.” Tell her what to do and tell her you like what she’s doing. If you’re feeling good, express it. Make noise. You love to hear a woman get turned on, right? Same thing with women. They love to hear you’re getting turned on.

3. Dominate her, ravish her, unleash the animal inside. But also be sensitive enough to listen to her body and her moans and respond to her accordingly. It’s very much like a conversation. Listen, and respond. It’s not a monologue where you do all the talking or where you’re performing. You’re CONNECTING with this real live human being right here, right now, right in front of you.

4. Enjoy yourself as if you’re eating the most delicious meal you’ve ever had. It’s so delicious and fills you with such pleasure you don’t want it to end. If you make sure to enjoy yourself, I guarantee she’ll enjoy herself too.

I’ve got more stuff on this under the category “Sex.”

Oh, and one last thing. Have fun.

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Posted by on December 17, 2012 in Home, S1-S3 Seduction, Sex

 

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