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Swinging: A Relationship Spice

Two couples getting ready to swing

Two couples about to swap partners. Credit: thelostogle.com

Let’s talk about keeping a relationship alive.

I covered some of my favorite tips  in my article, “Keeping A Relationship Alive,” and “The 7 Rings of Desire,” but I wanna take all that a step further.

You only need two glues to keep a relationship together: communication and sex.

If there’s no communication, there’s isolation, and that’s the opposite of relation…ship. It’s a relation…shit. (Bah-boo-boo-ching. I’ll be here all night.)

And once the sex goes, what’ve you got left, but mere friendship?

Now, here’s the problem.

When it comes to having sex in a long-term relationship… We get into our little routines. We do the same moves over and over. We have sex in the same place time after time. After a while it gets boring. And you’re like, “sex again? Ugh.” Then you go whack it to some porn.

That’ll do wonders for your relationship. Not.

What’s the solution? Variety. If the problem is doing the same thing over and over, then the solution is to shake things up a little, right? Of course it is.

Well, what kind of stuff can I throw in there for variety’s sake?

You sure you wanna ask me that? Okay, bro. You asked for it. Here’s a quick list for starters:

  • Dirty talk
  • Dirty texts
  • Role Play
  • Getting her to pose for pics
  • Using the Remote Control Egg while out in Public
  • Spanking
  • Constraints
  • Sex toys
  • Hypnosis
  • Watch Porn Together
  • Entice, then Deny
  • Deeply Intimate Sex
  • Threesomes
  • Swinging

Swinging? Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Before you get too crazy about the idea, let me just explain, all right?

WHY SWINGING

It used to be  monogamy was the “gold standard” of a loving relationship. It used to be that “opening the relationship” to other people would destroy the relationship. It used to be saying “I think we should see others” was code for let’s breakup.

Not anymore.

You’d be surprised how many happily committed couples swing. You’d be surprised at how not only does it NOT destroy their relationship, but it often brings them closer together.

‘Cause it takes trust. ‘Cause you go on an adventure TOGETHER. ‘Cause you learn to appreciate what you have even more.

But here’s the coolest part: you get to bring out your woman’s inner-slut.

Mm-hm. Oh, hell yeah.

Now by “slut” I don’t mean a woman who sleeps around.

I mean a woman who’s sexually uninhibited, adventurous, expressive, animalistic. EVERY woman has that sexual beast in them. It’s just that women don’t always get to bring her out to play too often.

Well, by leading her into new territories of sexual experience, you can help your woman awaken the full potential of her sexuality. And she’ll love you even MORE for it.

Nice, right?

So, let’s take a peek at swinging. As a way of keeping your relationship alive, and awakening your woman’s sexuality.

First, I’ll look inside the Swinger’s community. Then I’ll give you some tips in how to introduce your woman to it. Finally, I’ll give you a few quick etiquette tips during the whole swinging experience.

Sound good?

THE SWINGER COMMUNITY

First things first. The goal is not to gratify your own selfish desires. If you’re gonna swing, do it as something you and your girl do TOGETHER. Your goal is to enhance your relationship.

Okay with that important disclaimer out of the way, let’s get into the good stuff.

You’ll find most swingers are in their 30s and 40s. Yes, you’ll find swingers in their 20s, 50, 60s, too. But a lot of them are in that 30s-40s range. Most couples are married, with the guy being straight and the girl being bi, but you’ll find all sorts of variations.

There are three basic ways to meet other couples who swing: dances, on-premises clubs, or online ads. Let’s look at each.

1. The Dances

Swinger dances are filled with open bisexual behavior. Yet they consist entirely of couples. Here’s something else that’s funny. Every one of these dances admit single women, but very few allow single men. Isn’t that funny? It’s probably for good reason because check out what the dances are like…

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This took place in “The Legacy Club,” a swinger’s club in Orlando. Swinger’s clubs are filled with open sexual behavior, including between hot bisexual women. Sweet! Credit: lustwave.com

At these dances you’ll find two women going down on each other in a corner or women sucking another woman’s tits on the dance floor. Mwah-ha-ha (my evil laugh).

Some dances are held in the ballroom of a hotel so couples can reserve a hotel room that night.

Okay, so much for the dances. Here are what the on-premise clubs are like.

2. The On-Premise Clubs

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I took this from “The Sugar House,” a swinger’s club in Denver, Colorado. Credit: sugarhousedenver.com

You’ll find rooms with one bed that have a door that locks. Oooor, rooms with many beds with no locks on the door. In other words, you’ll find private rooms or public rooms.

Why do they have bedrooms at the clubs?

Tee-hee. So, after you meet a couple you like, you can get down to business right there and then. Hahaha!

Can you imagine if all clubs had bedrooms in them for that reason? Wouldn’t that be glorious? Well these clubs do, which is just cool.

Anywho. There are two types of swaps: “full swap” and “soft swap.” Full swap is when couples have intercourse with each other’s spouses. Soft swap is when couples do everything with each other’s spouses except intercourse.

The cool thing about either one these clubs or dances is you don’t have to seduce the other woman. All you have to do is be cool, fun, and relatively attractive. You don’t really need game. All you have to do is eliminate the couples who are there only for a soft swap (if what you’re after is the full swap, of course).

The downside to this no-need-for-game is swingers can be superficial. Couples often choose each for how physically attractive you and your girl are. It’s not based on emotional connection or personal qualities.

And it’s the girls who tend to be the picky ones. The guys usually go along with whatever.

Okay, you’re probably wondering by now, “How do you find these dances and clubs?”

Just put in a search the on web for dances and clubs in your area. Go to them. Meet the people there. As they get to know you, they’ll invite you to large, unadvertised dances or parties where beautiful swingers go.

You’re in.

3. Online Ads

Finally, you can search online ads like this www.swinger-nation.ie for other couples who swing.

All you do here is exchange pictures and emails with another couple. You then agree to meet up at a local bar for drinks. You spend maybe a half hour or so talking. That’s all you need before it’s time to get down to business.

Kinda cool as to how there’s no need for games and stuff like that, right? Swingers are very okay with sex already, they want it, it’s already on the table, so there’s no need to pretend and beat around the bush.

Cool, fine, whatever. But HOW do you get your girl to swing?

Ah, the million-dollar question. Let’s talk about that now. That last one would take a whole other article itself to breakdown.

HOW TO GET YOUR GIRL TO SWING

From David Shade, I learned there are three ways to do it. One of them is advanced. Here they are:

1) Tell her three fantasy-stories. Make one about swinging, and see how she responds.

2) Just tell her you’re going to take her to a swinger’s dance.

3) Have a threesome with your girl first, then take her to a Swinger’s dance.

Let’s just focus on the first two.

1. Tell her three fantasy stories

It’s night, you’re in bed with your girl, you kiss her up, get her in the mood. You don’t stick it in yet, though. Stop and tell her it’s “Story-Time”:

You: “Hey baby, I’ve written three fantasies for you. I wanna read them to you.”

Her: “Okay!”

Read the fantasies aloud to her, if you’ve written them out ahead of time. I means wou don’t have to write them out ahead of time, if you don’t want. You can just tell her three fantasies.

Make the FIRST FANTASY about something you know already excites her. Maybe it involves a movie star she likes. Maybe it involves getting massaged and given a bath before sex. Maybe it involves getting ravished by a shadowy stranger in an alleyway. Whatever. Just make it about something she’s already excited about. And feel free to use hypothetical people.

Make the SECOND FANTASY about a threesome. Again, feel free to use hypothetical people. But whatever you do, make sure to set the fantasy up like it’s a story.

It’s funny because when you compare romance novels and female erotica with porn, you’ll see in “female porn” there’s an actual story with characters. In other words, they don’t go straight to the sex. The sex scenes are built up to, with a story.

So, follow suit. In your fantasy, set up the threesome with characters. Tell a  story about how a threesome would happen. Describe the threesome in a way that would excite the hell out of her with the forbidden, with resistance, with anticipation. What I’m trying to say is don’t make it just about the deed, include lots of buildup.

If you’re drawing a blank on stories to tell her, here’re some books I refer to for ideas:

  • “My Secret Garden” by Nancy Friday
  • “Private Thoughts” by Wendy Maltz and Suzie Boss
  • “To Turn You On” by J. Aphrodite.

Hell, you could probably ready one of these fantasies for her. There are threesome stories in there. Reading one of those would do the trick, too.

If you don’t want to buy one of those books (I’d highly recommend you invest in one because it goes a long way in helping a guys understand how to turn women on), you could even put a search on the web for “female fantasies.” There’s plenty out there for free. Here’s a great resource right here.

Make the THIRD FANTASY about a man who brings home another man to help him double penetrate his girl.

After you’ve read/told her the three fantasies, polish the night off with some AWESOME sex.

At a later time (could be that night or the next day), ask her what she thought of the three fantasies. When she mentions the   double penetration one, tell her:

“I think that would be exciting in the context of a secure relationship. There would be no jealousy. It would be about giving you amazing pleasure and making the relationship even more exciting.”

You’ve planted the seed.

On another night, do ANOTHER “Story-Time.” Tell her THESE three fantasies:

The FIRST about a threesome, the SECOND about double penetration, the THIRD about spouse-swapping.  And, of course, polish off the night with great sex.

Discuss the fantasies that night or the next day. When she mentions the spouse-swapping one, talk about how that would be exciting within the context of a secure relationship, too. Especially if it’s done as something that would bring the two of you closer together. Emphasize that. That’s it’d be something that would bring a couple closer together.

When she agrees, put in a search on the web for swinger dances clubs in your area, or search online ads. Then tell her you’re going to take her to a swinger’s club or meet a couple.

Yes, you might get objections. I’ll talk about that under the next option.

2. Just tell her you’re going to take her to a Swinger’s Dance

The second option is a little more direct.

Search swinger clubs or online ads in your area. Find something you like. Then say to her:

“Hey, I’m taking you to a swinger’s night this Saturday night. It’ll be awesome. We’ll just watch for a little bit. And you can decide if you want to stay longer.”

Bam, done.

Well, maybe not quite done. She’ll probably bring up some objections like: the people in the community are unattractive and skanky. Or, it might destroy the relationship.

As for the first concern, there are MANY attractive people in the swinger community. And lots of hot, bisexual women. That right there will probably be the biggest draw for a woman.

How?

Because about one-third of women admit they’re bisexual, one-third are secretly open to the idea, and one-third would try it but they have a dogmatic social stigma against it. Women simply find other women attractive. This might be her chance she’s always wanted to try.

As for the second objection, make sure she understands it will be done in the context of a secure relationship. It’s meant to be done TOGETHER. It’s to meant to add enjoyment to your already wonderful sex life, and to bring you two other closer together. No jealousy. She’s always #1. And if it any time she feels uncomfortable, let her know you’ll stop.

For example, the dialogue might look something like this (credit goes to David Shade in  “Bring Out Her Inner Slut”):

You: “This Saturday I’m taking you to a Swinger’s club.”

Her: “What? Why?”

You: “I’ve always been curious about the swinger community, and I want to learn about it. We’ll watch and you decide if you wanna stay longer or not.”

Her: “Why do you want to learn about swingers?”

You: “I’m curious about why they swing.”

Her: “They’re probably all swanky.”

You: “From what I’ve heard, many of them are attractive. And all the women are bisexual.”

Her: “So you want us to get into swinging?”

You: “I’m not saying I want us to get into swinging. I’m just curious about the community, and want to learn about it.”

Her: “Are you not happy with me?”

You: “Of course I’m happy with you. I love you. I love having sex with you, and you’re the most beautiful woman in the world to me. But you know me. I’m also always looking for ways to enhance our relationship. It’s just an experiment. It”ll only be for us and to bring us closer together. You’re always number one. And if at any point you don’t like it, we’ll stop.”

Her: “If we do this, I don’t want you kissing another woman on the mouth.”

You: “Fair.”

Her: “Okay. Fine. I’ll try it just once…”

I’ve gotta tell you… Don’t be surprised if she becomes VERY enthusiastic about it. Haha

Okay, once your girl’s ready to rock n roll, let me give you a few etiquette tips once it’s time to get down to business…

SOME ETIQUETTE TIPS WHEN IT COMES TIME TO SWING

1. Before The Deed:

  • BE GROOMED. The better looking you and your girl are, the more couples will be interested in you. How can we guys become more attractive? We can bump ourselves up on the attractiveness scale (let’s say from a “5” to a “7”) just by being groomed. That means no stragglers hanging from the nose. Showered. Shaved. Dressed well. Smelling good.
  • BE COOL. You don’t have to seduce the other woman. And DEFINITELY don’t be pushy. Just be cool. What do I mean by that? Have social graces. By “social graces” I mean you make eye contact (shows honesty), you listen and ask about them (don’t hog the conversation), you’re fun, playful (see my article “Flirting” for more on this), and you’ve got interesting things to talk about (even though this article about conversation is on pickup, it covers basics of good conversation… talking in terms of them). Just be likable, fun, “normal.” You’re in.
  • BE THE GUY’S BEST BUDDY. You’re going to be fucking his wife. He’s gotta be able to trust you. So, show him respect. And bond with him.

2. During The Deed:

  • TAKE THE LEAD. When it comes time to do the deed, people get hesitant. Who will make the first move? I’ll tell you, women don’t like to. And the other guy might not know how. So, take the lead. How? First, instruct the girls to kiss. After they’ve done that for a while, instruct them to strip and eat each other out. Sit back and enjoy the show with the guy. Soon, the girls will be ready for cock and will want you guys to join in. WARNING: Just because they’re swingers doesn’t meant they’re the world’s greatest lovers. All the more reason to take the lead.
  • MAKE YOUR GIRL #1. Include your woman in everything you do. If she’s ever feeling uncomfortable, stop. It’s not about getting your rocks off. It’s about enhancing your relationship with her. If you’ve set rules ahead of time (maybe she doesn’t want you to come in the other woman), make sure you abide by them. Always make sure she’s cool, first.

3. After the Deed:

  • NO CUDDLING WITH THE OTHER WOMAN. This goes with “Make Your Girl #1.” No cuddling or emotional bonding with the other woman. That will cause jealousy. Swap wives, tell the couple it was nice meeting them afterward, maybe even talk for a few minutes. Then leave. No emotional drama. The lack of clinginess and emotional drama is actually a breath of fresh air.

CONCLUSION

If you’re gonna swing, remember these three important points:

  • Women are highly sexual and this can bring her sexuality out even more.
  • Take the lead.
  • It’s about enhancing your relationship and expanding her sexual experience.

Swinging is a shit-load of fun. It can truly bring you two closer together. It will definitely add variety and spice to your sex life. And it can bring out the love and appreciation you two have for each other even more.

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Swinging couples enjoying some time together. Credit: momlogic.com

 
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Posted by on January 1, 2014 in Home, Monoamory, Polyamory

 

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Sex Tips, Part 9: Settings

Switch up the settings to add excitement to sex. Sex in public is fantastic setting--except when you get caught

You can have sex in public. Just don’t get caught

Don’t have sex in the same setting over and over again. Change the setting. Just that simple tweak and you avoid sex from becoming old hat. Not only that, you give it spice and variety. And that’s always a good thing.

Here are some ideas:

1. Bend her over a table

2. Bend her over the car

3. Go up her dress in a restaurant

4. Wake her up in the middle of the night

5. Sit her on a desk and eat her out

6. Fuck her in the shower (or bathtub)

7. Fuck her in the kitchen

8. Fuck her in the car

9. Fuck her in an open field

10. On the floor

11. On the beach

12. Under the stars

13. Take her panties off while she’s washing the dishes.

14. On a commercial break.

15. In an airplane, bus, train (thank God for blankets or bathroom stalls)

16. Fuck her in any other public place where you could get caught: back walkway in a shopping mall, empty university classroom, bathroom stall in a bar or store, your office after hours, golf course, cemetery (very peaceful and quiet there), secluded area of a park, in an elevator, against the outside of your building (at night), while sunbathing in the backyard, in an outdoor cafe, in someone’s house (like at a party) where anyone could come in at any time, over the middle bench of a canoe (with a salty mist and a nice breeze).

Hahahaha I love it, love it, love it.

17. Oral or manual sex while driving

18. In the water (ocean, hot tub, lake, river…)

Having sex in the water... talk about adding some excitement

Having sex in the water… talk about adding some excitement

 
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Posted by on June 7, 2013 in Home, Sex

 

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Sex Tips, Part 4: Getting Her Horny

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As if kissing doesn’t get her horny. Ha! Here are some other ways to get her juices flowing:

1. Clue into her mood: If she’s coming on strong… give her crazy, jungle sex. If she’s coming on more sensual/caressing… start slow. Women are like feeling itself, constantly changing. So, get in tune with how she’s feeling. That can tell you how to proceed.

2. Her skin all over is a sex organ: Her pussy and tits aren’t her only sex organs. Her skin ALL OVER is a sex organ. So, explore her WHOLE body.

3. Stimulate her LESS obvious body parts first: In other words do NOT go straight to the tits and pussy first. Go to the less obvious body parts first. Examples:

  • Back of neck
  • Between shoulder blades
  • Lower back
  • Ass
  • Calves
  • Underside of boob
  • Inside of elbow
  • Wrist
  • Belly button
  • Thighs
  • Between ankle bone and achilles tendon
  • Feet

4. Use some props: Talk about making things a little more exciting, add a few props to the mix. Here are some ideas:

  • Blindfolds: All I have to say is… “Fifty Shades of Grey.” Bind her hands and feet. Blindfold her. Tickle her senses. Walk away. She doesn’t know what you’re gonna do next. Nice. Check out this scene from 9 1/2 Weeks for some ideas:
  • Whipped cream: I hear “creme fraiche” is even better. Something about it’s got a more oily consistency. Lasts longer. In any event, put some of this shit on her body and lick it off. Yum.
  • Chocolate and fruit: Same idea. Cover her body parts with fruits and chocolate and eat it off her. And of course, you know how much women love chocolate. Have her eat chocolate and fruit off of you too. Here’s another scene from 9 1/2 Weeks for some more ideas:
  • Vibrator: While you’re fucking her G-spot with your cock, use a vibrator on her clit. Doubles the chances of her reaching the summit. Hello.
 
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Posted by on May 6, 2013 in Home, Sex

 

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Sex Tips, Part 2: Initiating Sex

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Here are some ideas for initiating the sex.

1. Smile: Women are turned on by a great smile. Melts away barriers.

2. Make her laugh: Puts her in a good mood. And relaxes her. (banter, tickle, fifth grade tactics, laugh at yourself)

3. Connect with her emotionally: Share your secrets. Listen to hers. Appreciate her. Get naked emotionally… one step away from getting naked physically.

4. Be a gentleman: Pull out chairs, open doors, help her with her jacket, be decisive. Play the protector role. Puts her into the feminine role. Hello, sexual electricity.

5. Read erotica to her: “Fifty Shades of Grey” maybe? Nancy Friday’s “My Secret Garden”… hell yeah. Anne Rice’s “Sleeping Beauty”… another good one. Puts her in the mood.

6. Give her a bubble bath: Light candles, incense, get music going. Pamper her. Again, sets the right mood.

7. Pet her hair: Not sure why women love getting their hair pet, but it works. I won’t argue.

8. Give her a foot massage: Relaxes her. A lot of guys neglect her feet. Killer way to get her in the mood.

9. Take her from behind: Maybe she’s washing the dishes. Come up from behind and take her. Don’t ask. Take what’s yours.

10. Have a quickie: Women love quickies, too. Let’s say she’s washing the dishes again. Bend her over. Lift up her skirt. And fuck her. Exciting. Surprising. Wrong. But oh so right.

11. Scoop her up: Let’s say you’re 100 feet from the house. Scoop her up. Carry her to bed. And have your way with her.

12. Manhandle her: Pick her up. Throw her on the bed. Pin her down. Pull her hair. Enjoy. Chances are she’ll enjoy it, too.

13. Undress her slowly: Don’t rip off all her clothes at once. Women love the agony of anticipation. By the way, that means you too, hot shot. Slow down when you undress.

14. Dress her up: I’m serious. Put on her panties, her bra, her shirt, her pants. Show I don’t just manhandle you. I take care of you, too. You’re my girl.

15. Make wardrobe requests: Tell her what to wear. It’s the whole decisiveness thing again. Can put her in the mood.

See a pattern here? Set the right mood. Be the man.

 
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Posted by on April 29, 2013 in Home, Sex

 

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Sex Tips, Part 1: Getting Prepped

Getting prepped

Getting prepped.

I’m gonna dig into one of my favorite subjects here.

Sex.

You can have your inner and outer-games together, but if you don’t know what to do with her when you get her into bed, she might not be coming back to you for more.

Here’s some sex tips I’ve learned along the way. There’s a few here, so I’m gonna split them into separate posts. Starting with how to prep, and going all the way to intercourse.

Hell, yeah.

As you could probably tell from the title of this one, this post is all about how to get prepped.

>>>TIP #1. Masturbate.

Wait, wait, wait. Isn’t masturbation bad?

Well, like my basketball coach used to say, practice don’t make perfect. PERFECT practice makes perfect.

Same thing with sex. And masturbation is your practice. How you masturbate is how you’ll perform. Bust a nut FAST… guess what? That’s probably how you’ll be with her.

By the way, WARNING: Ejaculating too often weakens your shit.

Solution?

DON’T ejaculate.

WHAT?!

I know, I know. Seems crazy. I thought the same thing.

But here’s the thing. You can actually orgasm without ejaculating. Swear to God.

They’re two separate physical functions. We’re used to experiencing them happening together, so we’ve come to believe they’re the same. They’re not. And you can train yourself to separate one from the other.

How?

Rate your sexual excitement from 1 – 10. 10 is orgasm. 1 is Janet Reno on a cold day. When you get to 7, back off. Masturbate again until you get to 8, then back off again. Masturbate again until you get to 9, then back off.

It takes a shit load of practice and discipline. To be honest, it took me about 9 months. But I had a lot of fun along the way. I mean… who said that?

And, don’t worry. Guys have succeeded in getting non-ejaculatory orgasms in way less time than I did.

But goddam, it feels so good, you just want to come. So, it’s a bitch and a half. If you come, no worries. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Just keep at. Soon, you’ll be orgasming without ejaculating. I promise.

Here’s another tip about lasting longer. When you focus too much sexual energy in your cock, you spew. Same thing when you tense up your groin muscles. Tension makes you ejaculate.

So, relax your groin muscles. You last longer. Magic!

Also, move the sexual energy away from your cock and move it throughout your body. You kinda have to use your imagination to do this.

First, feel the sexual energy in your body. Usually, you’ll feel it down there. Then, when you inhale, breathe the energy away from your cock down to your toes… or up to your head… or your chest… or wherever you want.

This allows you to have an “internal” orgasm, rather than an “external” one. And when you can have an internal orgasm, you can have multiple orgasms, too. I know I have.

I’m aware that this sounds a little crazy. It did to me when I first heard it. But open your mind and try it out. When you experience it, you’ll know what I mean.

Here’s the biggest pay off.

You train yourself to enjoy the “process” of sex rather than rush to the climax. This heightened awareness helps you become a better lover. When you’re fully present with the woman you’re with, you get to enjoy the real fun in sex. Not the climax, but the here and now.

So, again, the way you masturbate is how you perform. Practice NOT ejaculating.

>>>TIP #2. Trim your nails.

If you finger her and your nails aren’t trimmed, you can seriously hurt her. Trim your nails.

>>>TIP #3. Shave.

That stubble can feel like 60-grit sandpaper on her face and thighs. Shave, so you don’t hurt her.

>>>TIP #4. Keep condoms handy.

Keep em under the pillow. Then when it’s time to put it in, you don’t have to go hunting for one. It’s right there. Also, keep one in the car console, in case you don’t make it to the bedroom.

>>>TIP #5. Keep lube handy.

You can never have too much lube. Extra lube helps with clit stimulation, G-spot stimulation, and deep-spot stimulation. Certain lubes can also work great for massages, too. And as you and I know, massages are PRIMO in getting women in the mood.

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What happens when you give a woman a massage 

Lesson? You can never have too much lube. Keep the mo-fo handy.

 
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Posted by on April 24, 2013 in Home, Sex

 

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No Foreplay till the SEVENTH phase of a pickup

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Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Are you trying to tell me you don’t arouse her until the SEVENTH phase?

Exactly.

What’re you crazy?

Hey man, foreplay ain’t till the seventh phase of a pickup. What can I say? Attract her FIRST.

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That means open the set. Phase 1. Attract your target. Phase 2. And qualify your target. Phase 3. Duration: approximately 5 minutes.

Build trust and comfort with her SECOND.

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Isolate her in the venue you met her. Phase 4. Bounce her to a venue not in the pickup location and not in the seduction location. Phase 5. Invite her back to your place. Phase 6. Duration: a few hours.

THEN you can arouse her. Phase 7.

seducing a woman

So, you’re telling me not to kiss her until then?

No, no, no, no.

When you first kiss a girl it’s NOT to arouse her. It’s to build comfort. Kiss her for the first time during the comfort phase. And when you first kiss, DON’T be sticking your tongue down her throat, making out, or anything like that. Kiss on the lips (without tongue), then pull away.

There’s a classic example of this in Woody Allen’s “Annie Hall.” Check it out:

The first kiss is just to build comfort now. You eliminate the “friend zone.” And it makes it easier to get down and busy later when you’re alone with her.

Save foreplay for the SEVENTH phase. You’ll see some guys make out with a girl in public. Don’t do this. Save it for private. When you’ve attracted her and built a connection with her, THEN you can arouse her in private.

Wanna know the coolest part of waiting this long?

You build waaaaaaay more sexual tension.

For example, BEFORE foreplay:

  • DO touch her always, holding her hand, giving her a kiss, a massage, a playful nudge, whatever.
  • DO bounce her to several locations before you invite her back to your place.
  • DO introduce her to other people, so she sees you’re a social person.
  • DO say “I’m trying so hard not to kiss you” before you kiss.
  • DO say “Let’s slow this down” when you first kiss. And pull away.
  • DO always be willing to walk away, never crowding her or supplicating to her.
  • DO have her sit down when she comes into the seduction location, get her a drink, talk, relax for a bit. DON’T pounce on her.

By that time she’ll often do the seduction for you.

In a way, all this IS foreplay. Maybe what I should say is: don’t AROUSE her till the seventh phase of a pickup.

After you’ve talked a bit in the living room, kiss her again. You’ve been doing it all along. But now you can kiss her to AROUSE her.

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And lead her into the bedroom.

My point is, no need to rush into sex. Do touch and kiss for those few hours before she’s alone in a seduction location with you. Hold off on arousing her till that private time. You’ll build sexual tension, sidestep last minute resistance (phase 8), make sex (phase 9) something she wants, and avoid “buyer’s remorse” later.

Okay, fine. But how do arouse her during this “seventh” phase?

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THAT’S an excellent question. I’ve got some stuff on all that in the “Sex” section of this website. Check it out if you’d like. But it’s basically the same principle. The more anticipation and teasing and not-rushing-into-sex you do, the more aroused she gets. Funny how that works, huh?

Turn on her mind, and her panties will follow. That’s the whole beauty of waiting till the seventh phase.

 
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Posted by on December 21, 2012 in Home, S1-S3 Seduction

 

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First Time Sex

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I’m gonna let Mystery talk about first time sex here. He’s got some great words of wisdom.

Mystery: First time sex is very important.

I live in a world of abundance. Seriously. Do you know how many WOMEN are out there?

So, first time sex is NOT about trying to get your rocks off. Have sex with her because you legitimately LIKE this girl.

Sleep with ’em because you like ’em.

I’ve gone through my rockstar phase. I’ve had some hot girls… but they weren’t QUALITY. Crazy, huh?

I personally only go after women who has a sexuality and a personality about them that keeps me engaged.

First time sex is important. Practice up to that part. But don’t have sex with a girl and afterwards you’re like I don’t want to see her again.

Wouldn’t you rather look down and say, “Oh my God! I can’t believe she’s laying here next to me. I deserve this, but holy shit. I’m gonna do my best to be the best man possible, ’cause she inspires me.”

This is from an interview he did with David DeAngelo of David’s “Interviews with Dating Gurus” series.

It’s a point well taken. Be careful who you have sex with. Don’t have sex just to get your rocks off or feed your ego or brag to the guys “I conquered her.” Have sex with her because you actually like her.

So, practice pickup up to the point of sex. And if she’s a girl you honestly like, go for it.

If you are gonna go for it, here are some quick rules of thumb to follow.

1. Tease her, give her lots of arousal, and build anticipation. That means there’s absolutely no rush to stick your dick into her. The more she’s worked up before you enter her, the closer she’ll be to the edge of orgasm. And make sure she comes before you do.

2. There’s no need to be silent just because you’re in bed with her. Talk with her. Tell her how beautiful she looks, describe what you’re doing and use dirty words like “fuck,” “cock,” and “pussy.” Tell her what to do and tell her you like what she’s doing. If you’re feeling good, express it. Make noise. You love to hear a woman get turned on, right? Same thing with women. They love to hear you’re getting turned on.

3. Dominate her, ravish her, unleash the animal inside. But also be sensitive enough to listen to her body and her moans and respond to her accordingly. It’s very much like a conversation. Listen, and respond. It’s not a monologue where you do all the talking or where you’re performing. You’re CONNECTING with this real live human being right here, right now, right in front of you.

4. Enjoy yourself as if you’re eating the most delicious meal you’ve ever had. It’s so delicious and fills you with such pleasure you don’t want it to end. If you make sure to enjoy yourself, I guarantee she’ll enjoy herself too.

I’ve got more stuff on this under the category “Sex.”

Oh, and one last thing. Have fun.

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Posted by on December 17, 2012 in Home, S1-S3 Seduction, Sex

 

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How to Date Multiple Women

Let’s say you’re getting REALLY great with women. You’ve been going out four times a week for the last eight months, you’ve been keeping track of your approaches, and girls are starting to respond BEAUTIFULLY. They’re laughing, you’re the most interesting guy in the room, and you’re making them chase.

Guess what? You’re going to have a whole new problem on your hands. More than one girl is going to want sex from you.

I know, I know. This is a problem? Haha Well, it’s a QUALITY problem.

For example, let me ask you this question. Is it okay to sleep with more than one woman at the same time?

Hell, yeah.

You object you say? Well, check out my take on the whole subject.

As long as a girl knows you’ve got other women in your life, and she’s okay with that, I see absolutely nothing wrong with sleeping with multiple women at the same time.

I’ll say it again. As long as you’re HONEST about the fact that you sleep with other women and she agrees to that condition, how are you being dishonest or unethical about sleeping with other women?

And this goes without saying, but use protection. Of course.

Here’s the other side to this. If you tell a woman you’re going to be faithful to her and you both agree to these terms, then be faithful. Break up with her before you cheat on her.

But if you’re single, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with seeing multiple women. In fact, it can be a good thing.

I mean, would you buy the first shirt you try on in a store, or would you try on different ones to see which fit best? So, how are you supposed to find a woman who’s right for you if you get into a monogamous relationship with the first woman you sleep with?

Now, the big question is this. HOW do you be honest with a woman that you’re sleeping with other women in a way that doesn’t turn her off?

Excellent question.

And let me just say right here that… not every girl is gonna love the idea. That’s okay. But you’ll be surprised how many girls will be totally okay with it. To make her feel comfortable with it, there’s definitely a right way and a wrong way to go about it.

Believe me, I’ve done the wrong way many times. So, learn from my mistakes. I’m gonna give you six steps to follow. By the way, I learned these from Brad P and Joshua Pellicier, and have field tested them myself. They work.

STEP #1. SOW THE SEED.

Sow the seed in the first ten to fifteen minutes of meeting her. You’ve got a few ways to do this.

Option #1: Banter. Joke about how you’ve got a lot of girlfriends. Or if she’s grabbing at you, tell her to take a number. Or if she says something you like, tell her you’re going to make her your Tuesday girlfriend and if she’s good, you’ll make her your Friday girlfriend (where the real fun is). Come up with your own stuff if you’d like. But play the role of a guy who’s got lots of girls in his life.

She’ll get the message on a subconscious level. Like the old adage goes, jokes have a kernel of truth.

Option #2: Tell stories. You can tell stories about how you’re from out of town, or you can tell an embarrassing story about how you’ve got girls fighting over you (see “Wrong Number” story under the “Funny Stories” section of  “My Routines Collection” for an example).

Option #3. Tell her you’re polyamorous. (credit: Joshua Pellicier) This is probably the best way to go, because it’s the most upfront. No gray areas here. Here’s an example of how that exchange might go:

  • You: “How did your last relationship end?”
  • She: “Oh, he was jealous. It ended. Whatever.”
  • You: “I don’t have that problem anymore because I changed something about the way I’m in relationships now. But yeah… I remember what that was like and it completely sucks!”
  • She: Talks about jealousy, fear, lying, apathy, or selfishness.
  • You: “You know that doesn’t happen in a polyamorous relationship. Have you ever considered just being polyamorous with guys that make you feel that way?”
  • She: “What is polyamory?”
  • You: “Poly means many and amor means love, so polyamory means lots of loves. I have many girlfriends at the same time. They’re free to date who they want, too. And if a girl’s not comfortable with it, I don’t date her. But they all know about each other ahead of time.”

If she’s not cool with it, then you don’t date her.

STEP #2. ANSWER OBJECTIONS.

Here’s some objections you might get and how to handle them. Again, credit goes to Joshua Pellicer for this.

Objection #1: “I could never do that.”

Response: “Hey, it’s not for everyone. But if you ever meet a guy who’s good at it, I highly suggest you try it out. It’s an amazing experience because there’s no relationship drama. A lot of the girls who are dating me are doing it for the first time, and love it. Not a lot of guys know how to do it right, but if you ever run into another one, try it out. It’s fun.”

She: “Okay, yeah, I’ll try that out”

Objection #2: “Are you sleeping with all of them?”

Response: “Well, yeah, most of them. I mean I’m not going to deprive them of sex. But we also have a 100% protection rule. We always use protection. But, yeah, I’m sleeping with most of them.”

Objection #3: “What kind of girl would actually do that?”

Response: “Girls like you that are confident. They’re trying it out for the first time, and are completely comfortable with it.”

Objection #4: “Do they all know about each other?”

Response: “Absolutely. If she’s not comfortable with it, then I don’t date her. I don’t sleep with her, nothing.”

Objection #5: “So you’re cheating then?”

Response: “No. All the girls all know about each other. And they’re all cool with it. You can’t cheat. Everyone is open about seeing other people, so there’s no cheating.”

Objection #6: “So you never want to get married?”

Response: “I definitely do. I’m in a dating phase of my life. But someday I hope I get married. And someday they’ll probably get married and I hope that for them. They’ll leave and that’s okay.”

Objection #7: “What kind of girls are these girls?”

Response: “They’re from all walks of life. There’s a girl who’s from Thailand. There’s a girl who’s studying to become a CNA. There’s a girl who’s a waitress. There’s a girl who’s a real estate agent. There’s a girl who works in a bookstore. There’s a girl who’s a stripper, a hippie, and a teacher. ”

If you don’t have any girlfriends, you can say: “I’m not sleeping with all of them”… and “The girls I’ve dated in the past are from all walks of life.”

STEP 3. ESCALATE QUICKLY. Escalate physically quickly, touching often. Act the role of a seducer, not someone who’s courting her.

But when you escalate, remember to push her away, too. This creates sexual tension. Pull her in and push her away. Logic goes out the door for her. All that’s on her mind is… yum.

STEP 4. REINFORCEMENT.

This step is all-important. Women will believe your actions more than your words. If you say you don’t want a relationship, but then ACT like you’re in a relationship, she’s not going to believe your words. More important than talking about it is ACTING it.

What does that mean?

  • Don’t buy her dinners or do other “courting” behaviors before you sleep with her.
  • Don’t sleep with her more than twice a week.
  • Don’t call her more than twice a week.
  • Don’t email her more than four times a week.

These are guidelines I’ve picked up from Brad P that I’ve been found to be solid.

The more often you see a woman in a week, the more she’ll think she’s your girlfriend even if you say you don’t want one. But the less contact you have with her in a week, the more she’ll believe your words.

Here’s four other reinforcement techniques you can use that I picked up from Pellicier.

#1. Ask her opinion of other girls: “What do you think about that girl?”

#2. Fish for jealousy: “That girl is hot.” If she get jealous, bad sign. She won’t be okay with you sleeping with other girls.

#3. Don’t be available: “Hey, I won’t be available to hang out until Thursday.” If she ever asks you to cancel plans, reinforce polyamory: “Remember this is a polyamorous relationship. I’m still here for you, but on my own terms.” If that doesn’t work, run. You’ve got a jealous girl on your hands.

#4. Don’t build rapport too fast: Get things sexual fast. THEN build rapport. Too much rapport before sex can lead to hurt feelings, confusion or anger. Keep the emotional connection mellow, until later.

STEP 5. SEX.

Give her an amazing sexual experience. Give her orgasms. And she’ll keep coming back for more.

And it’s courteous to sleep with her at least twice. It shows you cared about her experience.

STEP SIX. AFTER SEX.

It’s okay to cuddle and connect with her. But connect like a friend, not a boyfriend. Keep things light with some fun banter, or go into normal conversation or light rapport, not the deep rapport.

DON’T make any plans with her. She can tell you about her problems, ask advice, share what’s going on in her life… but if she starts to talk future stuff, cut it off. Reinforce this relationship is polyamorous.

If you can, let her stay. Have breakfast. If she needs a ride, give her one.

But once she leaves, keep up the search. Don’t get too attached to one person, unless you want a monogamous relationship.

Okay, so those are the six steps.

Pick a way to sow the seed from Step #1 and incorporate it into your stack. Next time you go out, sow the seed within ten minutes. Believe in your bones you’re a catch. Act the part of a man women want. She’ll believe it on an emotional level and she’ll feel attraction. Acting the part of a man with an abundance of women in his life happens to also be THE critical piece to attracting women.

Every man should go through this experience. It raises your confidence and I’ve personally learned so much about myself and about women going through it. Also, when you do find that one good woman, it makes monogamy that much sweeter.

Just remember, when you do go through this, do it in a way that always leaves a woman better off than when you first met her.

 
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Posted by on November 10, 2012 in Home, Polyamory

 

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Pickup Product Review

There’s a lot of stuff out there on how to be more successful with women. Where do you begin? I’ve gone through a lot of it, and not all of it is created equal. I made a my personal list of what I think is the best, what’s okay, and what I liked the least. You can find it here.

For now, here’s a quick overview of how to cut through all the crap.

First, start with an overview:

  1. Double Your Dating ebook, David DeAngelo – Great overview on attraction.
  2. The Game, Neil Strauss – Inspires you for what’s possible with women.
  3. Mystery Method, Mystery – The theory and big picture behind that possibility. Watch VH-1 Pickup Artist on Amazon if you want to see the theory in action.

Second, PRACTICE. These products will help you do just that.

  1. Rules of the Game, Neil Strauss – forces you to get out into the field… but only for 30 days
  2. Charismatic Conversations, Lance Mason – THE BEST to help you get success. This product emphasizes the attract stage. Later on, I’d recommend Zero Drama Dating & 60 Minute Seductions for seduction and dating multiple women.
  3. 30/30 Club, Brad P – picks up where Rules of The Game left off. It will take you to mastery level. Forces you to make 30 approaches per month for 1 year. Online coaches to help you along the way. You get every one of his products, including his fashion stuff.

Third, while you’re out practicing, especially with the help of the 30/30 Club, you’ll have time to work on your sexual skills and inner-game. In my opinion, these are some of the best products to help you do just that.

  1. Sex:
    • Sexual Mastery, Alex Allan
    • Give Women Wild Screaming Orgasms, Hot Phone Sex, Advanced Sexual Hypnosis, David Shade – in that order.
    • Secrets of Sensual Lovemaking, Tom Leonardi
    • How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time, Nora Hayden
  2. Inner-Game/Masculinity:
    1. Inner Game
      • Way of the Superior Man, David Deida
      • How to Want What You Have, Timothy Miller
      • Awareness, Anthony DeMello
    1. Masculinity
      • No More Mr. Nice Guy, Robert Glover
      • Iron John, Robert Bly
      • Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants, Elliot Katz
    1. Skills
      • When I Say No I Feel Guilty, Manuel J. Smith – great on assertiveness.
      • How to Win Friends & Influence People, Dale Carnegie – great on general social skills.

Finally, there are three big areas of life to get together: health, wealth, and relationships. As your success with women increases, here are some products to help you get the two other areas of life under control, too.

  1. Health: p90x, Tony Horton & Beachbody
  2. Wealth:
    • Think & Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill
    • Rich Dad Poor Dad, Robert Kiyosaki
    • MarketAmerica.com, JR Ridinger

Ultimately, the change will happen not through products, but PRACTICE. Practice is the best “product” you can get. And it’s free.

 
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Posted by on September 7, 2012 in Home, Pickup Product Review

 

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The word “Slut” is Bullshit

Let’s talk about “Last Minute Resistance” for a sec.

There’s a myth about this.

The myth is you have to deal with a woman’s last minute resistance to having sex with you right before sex.

Of course getting that last minute resistance does happen.

But if you deal with last minute resistance EARLIER in your game, by eliminating the word “slut” from your vocabulary, you won’t have to deal with the resistance so late.

Often times her resistance has to do with not feeling comfortable enough having sex after meeting you so soon.

She doesn’t want to be seen as a “slut.” If she resists, it makes her feel like she’s not being slutty.

She needs to feel like it “just happened”…

you’re not going to judge her…

her friends aren’t going to judge her…

you’re not going to never call her again…

you’re not going to broadcast the news over the internet.

So, make it clear having sex is AWESOME! It DOES NOT EQUAL slut. And take the decision-making process out of her hands. YOU take the lead, so she doesn’t have to take responsibility for it. Make it so that she can tell her friends “it just happened” or “it was his fault.”

Most important, make it clear earlier during your comfort-building conversation you respect women who are adventurous, spontaneous, who love sex. Plant that seed early on and she’ll be less likely to resist sex later on at the last minute.

When you’re NON-JUDGMENTAL, you AVOID last minute resistance, and you make her feel comfortable with sex.

But that’s not the only reason you should eliminate the word “slut” from your vocabulary.

Honest-to-God the whole concept is…

Bullshit.

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T.

BULLSHIT!

There’s no equivalent word for a man. I mean the word is derogatory. It’s an insult for women. What word is there in our language to insult men for sleeping with lots of women?

What’s that you say?

Male slut? Pimp? Ladies’ Man?

Compliments. All of ’em.

Why? Why is it a compliment for men to sleep with lots of women but it’s wrong for women to have that same freedom?

In logic, when two premises collide like this, it’s called inconsistency. Inconsistency is an invalid argument.

Language is funny. You can actually create a reality out of language.

What do I mean?

Man and woman having sex. Sheer fact. Nothing good, nothing bad about it.

Then you apply the word “slut” to the woman.

All of a sudden, it makes a woman feel uneasy, nervous, guilty… basically like shit… for something that’s…

JUST FUCKING SEX!

A FACT of life… that BOTH the man and woman are doing.

A fact of life that’s creative, pleasurable, brings life into the world, binds people together, loving.

A fact of life that’s GORGEOUS.

Slut = moralistic judgment based on a human construction, not reality.

The word “slut” is bullshit. The sooner you get rid of that thinking, the sooner women will want to fuck your brains out.

Make her feel safe. A no-slut zone does just that.

 
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Posted by on September 4, 2012 in Handling Women, Home, S1-S3 Seduction

 

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