It’s not hard getting a phone number. But getting a solid number that doesn’t flake? Hahaha That’s a whole other story.
The secret to getting a solid number is simple. Spend some time with her. Talk to a girl for two minutes, she might give you her phone number, sure, but the chances of it being real… or her picking up the phone the next day… is slim.
She doesn’t know who the hell you are yet.
So, talk to her for at least 25 – 40 minutes. I learned this technique from Mystery. It works.
I’m gonna go even a step further. Forget the number.
Phone game is just a pain in the damn ass. You’ve got this shoe box full of numbers, and you’ve gotta plow through ’em? Um, no thanks. Then add to that lots of times your call will go straight to her voicemail. Or if she does pick up, she’ll often be a lot more stand-offish or just plain rude. It’s miserable.
Why play phone game later, when you can take her on many “mini” dates, kiss close her, even invite her back to your place that same night? Waaaaaay easier.
But if you MUST get her number… maybe logistics aren’t in your favor that night… here’s a five step process you can follow to get a solid number close. This will increase the chances of her picking up and actually being happy to hear from you when you do call.
STEP #1: Spend AT LEAST 25-40 minutes with her BEFORE you ask for her number. This is the most important step in the process. Spend time in comfort getting to know each other.
Think of it this way. Which would be more memorable to you? A 30 second commercial that was cute and made you laugh… OR a 25 – 40 minute show that made you think or connected with you emotionally? Laughter is great, but it’s momentary. Something with substance, you remember.
STEP #2: If you’ve gotta leave, don’t just get her digits. Make plans. Just asking for her number is lame. Making plans NOW to meet up again is smart. Again, it avoids phone game later.
Tell her something like this: “This has been awesome. We should totally continue this. Let’s grab a cup of tea. When are you free?” Let her pick the date, so you’re not like “Are you free Thursday? What about Friday? What about Saturday…”
Then tell her to meet you at a specific place and a specific time. A cup of coffee or tea is totally cool.
STEP #3: Get her digits. No need for a pen and paper. Type her number into your phone. When you give her your number you can put your name as something like “Sex God” or “Man of Your Dreams” or whatever. Being cocky, playful and keeping the sexual tension up? Hell, yeah.
STEP #4: Talk for a few minutes after you exchange numbers. Don’t just get up and leave. That might give her some buyer’s remorse, like you were only after her for her number.
Wanna know a genius thing you can talk about?
Call her right there and then and pretend you’re talking to a friend about this really cute chick that you just met, and how you like her, and can’t wait to meet her for that cup of tea. She’ll probably giggle some more. Lovely.
STEP #5. When you leave, give her a hug… and if you’ve kissed her already, give her another light kiss.
Keep the physical connection alive. A bodily connection is rooted and real, a mere verbal connection is still up in the air. Again, makes you more memorable. Besides, a physical connection ensures you don’t get dumped into the friend zone. And… it makes it easier to pick up that physical connection next time you see her. Nice.
And that’s all there is to it. If you wanna a SOLID number close, get to know her. Spend AT LEAST 25 – 40 minutes with her. The rest is cake.
Get in the driver’s seat and take the WHOLE group for a fun ride.
I was re-reading parts of The Game, and I had a revelation. When you DHV, don’t DHV to the target. DHV to the guys and to the ugly girls. The target? Ignore her.
Here’s the idea behind this…
Beautiful Women Aren’t Different From Anyone Else
Let’s talk about beautiful women for a sec. I’m talking about the most UNUSUALLY beautiful women. The 9’s and 10’s. The ones you don’t see everyday, and when you do see one you lose the ability to remember your name.
These women are so outstandingly beautiful that a lot of us guys think we have to treat them differently. We’re either too afraid to talk to them, and just stand by the sidelines and stare… Or we give her all sorts of compliments and buy her drinks and dinner.
As you know and I know, that ain’t gonna work to attract them.
When dealing with these freaks of nature, the thing to keep in mind is… they’re used to getting lots of attention, just because of their physical appearance. They’re used to being treated special because of their physical beauty, and not appreciated for their inner qualities.
On the one hand, it’s lonely being beautiful. No one sees her for who she is. Her beauty creates distance from everyone else.
On the other hand, she also wants to be UNUSUALLY beautiful, and she wants you to know it.
Look at the hours and dollars she spends making herself with makeup, getting her skin soft, smelling good, getting her hair done, choosing just the right outfit, buying the right shoes, obsessing about her weight, removing hair in weird places, even in some cases getting plastic surgery.
Girls spend a lot of time and money looking beautiful
And acting the part of someone with an air of untouchable beauty.
Beauty gives women power. Why? Because their beauty makes a lot of us guys give our “power” away to them.
She wants to be the most beautiful woman in the room, and when we approach her, she wants to reject us. It makes her feel important.
So, the idea is to do the opposite of putting her on a pedestal. You CHALLENGE her.
In the case of Mystery’s Method, when you approach a group of people that has that INCREDIBLY beautiful woman in it… remember, women are rarely found alone… that means you actually pay attention to everyone else in the group, but her. And if she says anything TEASE her.
The message is: “You’re not getting special treatment from me just because you’re beautiful. You’re a human being just like the rest of us. ”
This creates a HUGE challenge. I mean for her, most guys are just this blur of compliments, sexual predatoriness, or approval-seeking. So when she find a guy who treats her like a human being just like everyone else, he STANDS OUT. He’s the type of a guy she doesn’t come across everyday. She does a double take. She’s attracted.
The Basic Format To All Approaches, By Mystery
Mystery smiling large
So, let me share with you the passage that gave me this revelation. It’s a handout Mystery used to hand out to his workshops. You can see it on page 35 of The Game. It’s his basic format to his all his approaches.
1. Smile when you walk into a room. See the group with the target and follow the three-second rule. Do not hesitate–approach instantly.
2. Recite a memorized opener, if not two or three in a row.
3. The opener should open the group, not just the target. When talking, ignore the target for the most part. If there are men in the group, focus your attention on the men.
4. Neg the target with one of the slew of negs we’ve come up with. Tell her, “It’s so cute. Your nose wiggles when you laugh.” Then get her friends to notice and laugh about it.
5. Convey personality to the entire group. Do this by using stories, magic, anecdotes, and humor. Pay particular attention to the men and the less attractive women. During this time, the target will notice that you are the center of attention. You may perform various memorized pieces like the photo routine, but only for the obstacles.
6. Neg the target, if appropriate. If she wants to look at the pictures, for example, say “Oh my god, she’s so grabby. How do you roll with her?”
7. Ask the group, “So, how does everyone know each other?” If the target is with one of the guys, find out how long they’ve been together.
8a. If it’s a serious relationship, eject politely by saying, “Pleasure meeting you.”
8b. If she is not spoken for, say to the group, “I’ve sort of been alienating your friend. Is it all right if I speak to her for a couple of minutes?” They always say, “Uh, sure. If it’s okay with her.” If you’ve executed the preceding steps correctly, she will agree.
9. Isolate her from the group by telling her you want to show her something cool. Take her to sit with you nearby. As you lead her through the crowd, do a kino test by holding her hand. If she squeezes back, it’s on. Start looking for other IOIs.
10. Sit with her and perform a rune reading, an ESP test, or any other demonstration that will fascinate and intrigue her.
11. Tell her, “Beauty is common but what’s rare is a great energy and outlook on life. Tell me, what do you have inside that would make me want to know you as more than a mere face in the crowd?” If she begins to list qualities, this is a positive IOI.
12. Stop talking. Does she reinitiate the chat with a question that begins with the word “So?” If she does, then you’ve now seen three IOIs and can…
13. Kiss close. Say, out of the blue, “Would you like to kiss me?” If the setting or circumstances aren’t conducive to physical intimacy, then give yourself a time constraint by saying, “I have to go, but we should continue this.” Then get her number and leave.
Mystery’s negs. From page 35 of “The Game,” by Neil Strauss
1. Smile when you enter the room. Open within 3 seconds.
2. Hey did you see the fight outside? (Girl Fight Story)
3. That’s so cute. Your nose wiggles when you laugh.
4. Multiple thread The Hollywood Sign Story, ESP, and a qualifier to different people:
“Do you have a good imagination? You do? I want you to think of a number from 1 – 4. We’re starting small, that’s why we’re starting with you. That’s right, I said it! Do you have it in your mind? Don’t say it, just think it. The first number that pops into your head. Got it?
“I’m curious about something before we get to that. Is there more to you than meet the eye? I mean, don’t get a big head. There’s a lot of beautiful people around us, right? Beauty is very common. Would you not agree? You know what’s really rare?
“Are you thinking of that number? Focusing? 3. Nice! (or, if incorrect “And that’s why ESP is bullshit.”) Let’s up the stakes (or let’s try it again). Pick a number this time from 1 -10. You got it? Nice.
“Oh, by the way, have you ever been to the Hollywood sign? (You can create your own variation of this story based on something similar to the Hollywood sign in your hometown. For example, everywhere there’s a place where you get away from it all to look at the stars.) Have you ever gone to the base of it? Have you climbed up to it? Well, I went with a lovely girl (preselection switch) at the time and went up to the sign. It takes a good 40 minutes and you have to climb a fence. Next time you go, bring good shoes that will get you up there with no problem. Because you don’t want to get up there with leather shoes like I did, like a moron. That was my learning experience. But when you’re up there you can see all of Hollywood in one eye shot and it really gives you the clarity that anything is possible if you dream. Then you see it all in one eye shot. It’s inspiring.
“You got that number in your mind? 7. Nice. See, what’s really rare is a great outlook and a great personality, a great energy. That’s rare. You’ve got 2 out of 3. That’s a great start.”
5. So, how does everyone know each other?
6a. Pleasure meeting you.
6b. I’ve sort of been alienating your friend. Is it all right if I speak to her for a couple of minutes?
7. I want to show you something cool.
8. Kino hand-squeeze test as you lead her through crowd.
9. Have you ever done of The Cube? (The Cube)
10. Stop talking… she reinitiates the conversation.
11. Would you like to kiss me?
12. I have to go, we should continue this. Get her number. (OR Bounce her: Let’s get back to your friends. There’s a great place across the street. We should go with you and your friends.)
Sample Script (Style)
1. Smile when you enter the room. Open within 3 seconds
2. Hey, let me get your take on something. I’ve only got a sec but… (Jealous Girlfriend)
3. Wow, you guys are like from the View. This one I can tell we would NOT get along.
4. Multiple thread Ring Routine, The Best Friend Test, C & U Smiles:
“I have to ask before I run. Do you always wear a ring on that finger? The reason I’m asking is the finger a person chooses to put a ring on says something about their personality. The fact you wear a ring on that finger says something fascinating about you. Let me see your hand. Back in ancient Greece, each mound represented a different god. And a person back then would put a ring on the associated finger to honor that god.
“Oh my God, hold on a sec. How long have you known each other? See I knew that! Well, for one, you have the same exact smile. And for two, well, I’ll just give you the Best Friend Test. Ready? Do you use the same shampoo? (They look at each other first) You don’t even have to answer, you already passed. You looked at each other before even answering the question. You just did it again. And again. See, if you weren’t close, you’d keep eye contact with me. But when two people have a connection, they make eye contact first, even over something as mundane as shampoo. Nice.
“Okay, so the rings. Very interesting what it says about each of you. The thumb represented Hades, the god of the underworld. He was one of the few gods that lived separate from Mount Olympus, just like the thumb is separate from the other fingers. So, someone who wears a ring on this finger is independent and doesn’t like to follow other people’s trends. Instead, they like to make their own.
“The index finger was Zeus, and he was the king of the gods. And just like when a mother is scolding their daughter (act this out), someone who wears a ring on this finger has an inclination to take charge.
“The middle finger was Dionysus, the god of wine and partying and having a great time. And just like this finger represents something that’s not G-rated, someone who wears a ring on this finger has a little bit of a wild side. So, watch out for her. She’s trouble.
“Haha. Smile for me again? You have a U Smile! That’s awesome. Well there’s U smiles and C smiles. The U Smile is when you smile and your teeth go straight back into your mouth like a horse. And the C Smile is when you smile and all you see is a row of pearly whites in the front. If you ever look on the cover of like Cosmo or Glamour, the girl always has a C Smile. You have a U smile, but don’t worry, I still think you’re hot… in that short school bus sort of way. *smile*
“So, the ring finger is one of the coolest. This was Aphrodite, the goddess of love. And you can look this up, it’s true. This finger is the only one that has a vein that goes straight to your heart without branching off. (demo line going from finger to her heart). So anyone who wears a ring on this finger is actually making a direct connection with their heart. That’s why to this day we’ll wear our wedding ring on this finger.
“Finally, the pinky finger was Ares, the god of war. And you’ll notice a lot of mobsters will wear their ring on this finger. Someone who wears a ring on this finger has some inner turmoil or conflict within. They like to fight. And if you had given someone a pinky ring back then it mean ‘fuck you’ or ‘go to hell.’
“And for someone who doesn’t wear rings, like me that meant you were aligned with Hermes. He was one of the most mischievous of the gods. And he was the one that flew from Mount Olympus to earth. So, someone who doesn’t wear rings is open-minded, loves to travel, likes to be helpful, but has a little bit of a mischievous side. And that’s definitely me. But your personality is… Any truth to that? Pretty cool, right? You guys are awesome.”
5. So, how do you all know each other?
6a. Pleasure meeting you.
6b. I’ve sort of been alienating your friend. Is it all right if I speak to her for a couple of minutes?
7. I want to show you something cool. Have you ever done the Cube? (You could also do EV or Secret Self here too)
8. Beauty is common.
9. Stop talking.
10. Evolution Phase Shift Routine.
11. I have to go, but we should continue this… or bounce her and her friends
Sample Script (Brad P)
1. Smile when you enter the room. Open within 3 seconds.
2. You look familiar. Do you like horses? (Tell the story to the whole group)
3. Do you mind if I talk to your friend for a sec?
4. Have you ever had your palm read? (Brad P’s Palm Reading)
5. Beauty is common…
6. Stop talking
7. On a scale of 1 – 10, how good of a kisser are you?
8. I have to go, but we should continue this… or bounce her
Sample Script (My own)
1. Smile when you enter the room. Open within 3 seconds.
2. I have this rule that whenever I see someone attractive I have to at least say hi.
3. Quit looking at my chest my eyes are up here.
4. You guys seem really cool. My passion in life is writing. Are you passionate? What’s something you guys enjoy doing?
6. I’m making her my new girlfriend. We’re gonna fly to Vegas tomorrow and get married. You can be Catwoman, and I’ll be Batman. It’ll be awesome.
7. Do you mind if I talk to her for a sec?
8. I want to show you something really cool. Someone just did this with me recently. It’s a great, quick way to get to know someone. In fact, a lot of people don’t even know this about themselves. (Use her answer about passion as a springboard to Style’s EV)
9. Beauty is common…
10. Stop talking.
11. Brush hair out of face, and kiss.
12. We should continue this, and get her number… or bounce her.
Next time you go out, try out any of the scripts I’ve given you that’s most aligned with your personality.
When you deliver the DHV, make sure to do it to the ones you’re NOT interested in. Make eye contact with EVERYONE. Your target? Neg her. This allows you to convey your personality and win over her friends. And with the target, the negs/banter/cocky-funny lines create sexual tension and show her you’re that rare man that’s interested more in a woman’s inner beauty than her superficial, external shell.
Like the old saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words. It’s one thing to read about pickup, it’s another thing to actually SEE it in action.
One reason so many of us guys have gotten stuck during our pickup journey is because we’re inundated with THEORY. Theory is great if you want to take a midterm exam, but it’s next to USELESS in the field.
Then we get criticized by all the “gurus” for only reading about pickup rather than getting out into the field. Well, duh! That’s how we’re being taught. Students reflect their teachers.
Anyway, I wanted to give you a few videos so you can SEE attraction and pickup in action. That way your subconscious will pick up lessons you can’t from just reading. Watch and learn. And you’ll be better prepared what to do in the field.
Let’s say you’re standing in a bar talking with a girl. Where do you put your hands? How do you stand?
Put your hands to your sides. If you keep your arms at a 90 degree angle, it looks stiff. If you cross your arms, you block your heart. It’s defensive and closed. If you put your hands in your pocket, that’s also defensive.
However, if you keep your hands to your sides, it looks natural and RELAXED.
Relaxed = confidence.
It might feel uncomfortable having your hands at your sides at first. It’s like you want to do something with your hands. Try this trick.
Press your middle finger and thumb together.
It’s a trick that’s been around for awhile, and it works. It gives your hands something to do. It eliminates any nervous ticks. And it forces you to stand still and calm.
Same thing goes when you hold your drink. It’s not recommended to drink while you’re out approaching. You want your mind to be as clear as possible. Would you play chess when you’re buzzed? But let’s say you do order a beer or a glass of water or something. If you’re standing, how do you hold your drink?
Again, relax your arm. Don’t hold your drink in a way that blocks your heart. And don’t hold your arm at a 90 degree angle. It’s stiff. Hold your drink with your arm extended to your side. It’s more open. It’s relaxed. And you look the opposite of insecure… you look right at home.
When standing, the same idea of relaxation applies. Don’t stand with your weight perfectly distributed on your right and left foot.
DON’T stand like this – stiff
This makes you look like a stiff square. Instead, lean most of your weight on one foot, like in the picture below.
DO stand like this – relaxed
Again, it makes you look more natural and relaxed.
I wrote up a post about body language here. I’ve got a lot more tricks and tips there.
But whenever you’re in doubt, remember to relax. Keep your drink and your hands to your sides. When you relax, it makes the woman you’re talking with feel relaxed, too. You can’t seduce her unless she’s relaxed.
This is such a simple technique, but a lot of guys don’t do it.
Ready for it?
Simple as that.
You can do this when you approach a woman. And you can do it when you’re on a day 2 with her.
Tell me if you’ve ever felt this way when you’re on a Day 2 with her.
You walk into a local shop together to look around, and you feel like you have to be attached to her hip every step of the way.
Ever done that before? I know I have.
Luckily, you don’t have to do that. In fact, DON’T.
Walk away. Give her a little space. Check out something that catches your eye, then rejoin her.
You’ll be WAAAAAAAAY more attractive if you do.
Same exact thing on the approach.
God knows I’ve made this mistake. Tell me if it sounds familiar.
You see a hot girl with a friend or two walking to a bar. You stop them, and you stand perfectly square across from the hot one, with your feet planted in the cement like you were a statue and you deliver your entire opener to her, completely ignoring the other girls.
Then you wonder why the hot girl is looking for an escape, and why her friends are trying to drag her away.
Okay, so obviously ignoring the friends = bad. Make eye contact with every person in the group. Wanna keep everyone’s attention? Hello eye contact.
And then of course, don’t plant your feet into the pavement. What, are you a tree now? And don’t have your body perfectly square to one girl.
Have your feet and your body face away from her, as if you’re about to leave. Better yet, stand side by side with one of the girls.
Ahhhhh. Much better. And much friendlier.
After you deliver your opener, walk away if you have to. You can always notice something else, like their ring, and continue the conversation with something like the ring routine.
Or if you run into them again, you can say hi. No longer strangers. Nice.
And of course, if you walk away, there’s a good chance they’ll want to reengage you.
There’s something about walking away that creates attraction.
You don’t have to be the most incredibly polite person the world has ever seen. You can be a normal human being. And walk away.
We pursue that which retreats. The negative space creates attraction. A negative pole draws in the positive. Giving her that space makes her feel more comfortable, and it allows her to come to you.
“And because she’s served with all the attentions due to a god by a lover who is not pretending otherwise but is truly in the throes of love, and because she’s disposed to be a friend of the man who’s serving her (even if she… initially rejects the lover)… she lets the man spend time with her. It is a decree of fate, you see, that bad is never friends with bad, while good cannot fail to be friends with good. Now that she allows her lover to talk and spend time with her, and the man’s good will is close at hand, the girl is amazed by it as she realizes that all the friendship she has… is nothing compared to that of this friend who’s inspired by a god.
After the lover has spent some time doing this, staying near the girl (even touching her… on occasions), then the spring… named ‘Desire’… begins to flow mightily in the lover and is partly absorbed by her, and when she is filled, it overflows and runs away outside her. Think how a breeze or an echo bounces back from a smooth solid object to its source; that is how the stream of beauty goes back to the beautiful girl and sets her aflutter. It enters through her eyes, which are its natural route to the soul; there it waters the passages for the wings, starts the wings growing, and fills the soul of the loved one with love in return. Then the girl is in love, but has no idea what she loves. She does not understand, and cannot explain, what has happened to her. It is as if she had caught an eye disease from someone else, but could not identify the cause; she does not realize that she is seeing herself in the lover as in a mirror. So when the lover is near, the girl’s pain is relieved just as the lover’s is, and when they are apart she yearns as much as she is yearned for, because she has a mirror image of love in him–‘back love’– though she neither speaks nor thinks of it as love, but as friendship. Still, her desire is nearly the same as her lover’s, though weaker: he wants to see, touch, kiss, and lie down with her; and of course, as you might expect, she acts on these desires soon after they occur..
Meanwhile… swelling with desire, confused, she hugs her lover and kisses him in delight at his great good will. And whenever they are lying together she’s completely unable, for her own part, to deny the lover any favor he might beg to have… Now if victory goes to the better elements in both their minds… their life here below is one of bliss and shared understanding.”
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to learn this learn this lesson. I’m still learning it. It’s a mindset. And it’s huge.
When you’re picking her up, get ego out of the way.
What does that mean?
Get “I’m so awesome” depending on her liking you out of your head. And get “I suck” depending on her scoffing you out of your head.
As if you want to be liked by her SO MUCH. Who’s she to be the judge of you? You know who you are. Be the one who likes HER first. Don’t wait for her to like you.
After all, who cares what she thinks of you? Like yourself. That’s all you need. Then you can worry about liking her.
What is it about ego that trips us up? Maybe it makes us focused on how we look on the outside, rather than who we really are from the inside. Not sure.
Just give her feeling good. Not in order to be liked. Not to kiss her ass. But, just to give. No strings attached. Not to get a trophy. Not to “get” her. Just to spread the good “spirit” you feel within to the world. ‘Cause it’s overflowing anyway.
We all want to feel important. But just as a gentleman lets a woman enter a building first, and lets her come first in bed, let her feel this first during a pickup. Give feeling good to her.
Here’s an article Neil Strauss wrote. It’s from his website www.neilstrauss.com. Through his experience he found there’s one, and only one, way to breakup. It’s so excellent I posted it verbatim below. He wrote it July 1, 2011:
How to Breakup
A few weeks ago, in the Comments section, I promised to write a full post on how to break up with a girlfriend or boyfriend.
After learning The Game, I became great at getting into relationships. But I never learned how to get out of them. As a result, I ended up spending as long trying to get out of some relationships as I actually spent in them. A few of these situations became ugly: I remember a cast member of The Pick-Up Artist driving me to an ex-girlfriend’s house who was drunk, had a gun in her hand, and was threatening to kill herself.
So, through trial and error—mostly error—I came to learn that there is one, and only one, way to break up. This doesn’t mean that there will be no tears and no pain, but it does guarantee there will be less than any other method.
Be Decisive: A lot of people are wishy-washy about ending a relationship. They think they want to break up, then as soon as there’s a little distance or drama or a bad date, they panic, worry that they made a mistake, and get back together again. This can drag on for months, sometimes years. So, first, make sure this is something you really want to do, that this really is the wrong person or relationship for you or that this person is psychologically incapable of having a healthy relationship.
Communicate Directly and In Person: Next, sit down with them in person. I advise listing their good qualities first to them, not because you need to build up their self-esteem, but because they’re probably going to know what’s coming after you say the word “but” and this gives them a little time to prepare themselves emotionally. Even if it isn’t a shock to them—in fact, even if it’s something they want too–the human ego is such that being the person who breaks up is much easier than being the one broken up with. (At least initially, but more on that later.) Afterward, answer any and all questions as gently and honestly as possible. It’s okay if you shed some tears yourself in the process. This next point applies to a specific few of you, but, no, you are not allowed to have sex “one last time” after breaking up.
Give A Grace Period: Tell your now-ex that you can’t see each other after today, but you will be available by phone or text any time he or she wants to call, to ask questions, or even to yell at you for the next week or two weeks. If you are living with the person, then obviously you will have to also allow a week or two for you or them to move out or find a new place. If one of you can avoid the house during this process, this is preferable. Either way, in this period, don’t be an asshole and start going on dates. You’ve waited this long; you can wait another week or two.
End Communication: Explain also in your initial discussion that after the two-week grace period ends, then a no-contact rule will go into effect until you both have fully let go. Tell them that if they call or text after that, as hard as it’s going to be for you, you’re not going to respond so that you can allow yourself and her to move on. Remember that every time you communicate with an ex in the throes of a breakup, it resets the clock on their (and often your) recovery time.
Stick To It: This is the most difficult part of the whole process. Often, even if you want them to leave, as soon as they actually move on—not just leave, but stop having strong feelings for you—most people experience the pain and separation anxiety of the loss. This is when many people get weak, start to obsess about the person they broke up with, and try to win them back. (Men tend to do this more than women—my pet theory is that it equates in the subconscious to the fear of losing one’s mother’s love as a child). Some people like to repeat the words of the Sting song in their head: “If you love someone, set them free.”
In addition, not only are you not allowed to have direct communication at this stage, but passive contact is also forbidden. This means, no checking their Facebook and Twitter feeds or profiles. It’s always best that neither of you knows what the other is doing: don’t be an emotional masochist.
Be Aware of the Process: According to the Kubler-Ross model of grief, expect the person to go through the following stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. For most people, the bargaining phase is the most difficult to not give in to: often, the other person will invent some highly plausible pretext (something they left at your house, important work advice they need, etc.) to talk to you again. Stay steadfast, and if it’s something they absolutely need or can’t figure out without you, determine a way for them to get it that doesn’t involve either of you speaking or seeing each other.
Move On: First of all, not everyone is capable or wants to be friends with their ex’s. But when is it right to get back in contact with an ex if you do want to be friends with them? There are different theories on this: some say when you’re both in a new relationship, others say it takes half the time you dated someone to get over them. But the right time is simply when you stop thinking about when the right time is to get in contact with them—and so do they. The right time is when neither of you has anything you need, want, or expect emotionally from the other person. Then, for the first time, when a real friendship develops, you can both honestly accept and express your responsibility for what went wrong in the relationship, rather than blaming the other person.
There’s a lot of stuff out there on how to be more successful with women. Where do you begin? I’ve gone through a lot of it, and not all of it is created equal. I made a my personal list of what I think is the best, what’s okay, and what I liked the least. You can find it here.
For now, here’s a quick overview of how to cut through all the crap.
First, start with an overview:
Double Your Dating ebook, David DeAngelo – Great overview on attraction.
The Game, Neil Strauss – Inspires you for what’s possible with women.
Mystery Method, Mystery – The theory and big picture behind that possibility. Watch VH-1 Pickup Artist on Amazon if you want to see the theory in action.
Second, PRACTICE. These products will help you do just that.
Rules of the Game, Neil Strauss – forces you to get out into the field… but only for 30 days
Charismatic Conversations, Lance Mason – THE BEST to help you get success. This product emphasizes the attract stage. Later on, I’d recommend Zero Drama Dating & 60 Minute Seductions for seduction and dating multiple women.
30/30 Club, Brad P – picks up where Rules of The Game left off. It will take you to mastery level. Forces you to make 30 approaches per month for 1 year. Online coaches to help you along the way. You get every one of his products, including his fashion stuff.
Third, while you’re out practicing, especially with the help of the 30/30 Club, you’ll have time to work on your sexual skills and inner-game. In my opinion, these are some of the best products to help you do just that.
Sexual Mastery, Alex Allan
Give Women Wild Screaming Orgasms, Hot Phone Sex, Advanced Sexual Hypnosis, David Shade – in that order.
Secrets of Sensual Lovemaking, Tom Leonardi
How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time, Nora Hayden
Way of the Superior Man, David Deida
How to Want What You Have, Timothy Miller
Awareness, Anthony DeMello
No More Mr. Nice Guy, Robert Glover
Iron John, Robert Bly
Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants, Elliot Katz
When I Say No I Feel Guilty, Manuel J. Smith – great on assertiveness.
How to Win Friends & Influence People, Dale Carnegie – great on general social skills.
Finally, there are three big areas of life to get together: health, wealth, and relationships. As your success with women increases, here are some products to help you get the two other areas of life under control, too.
Health: p90x, Tony Horton & Beachbody
Think & Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill
Rich Dad Poor Dad, Robert Kiyosaki
MarketAmerica.com, JR Ridinger
Ultimately, the change will happen not through products, but PRACTICE. Practice is the best “product” you can get. And it’s free.
Let’s talk about “Last Minute Resistance” for a sec.
There’s a myth about this.
The myth is you have to deal with a woman’s last minute resistance to having sex with you right before sex.
Of course getting that last minute resistance does happen.
But if you deal with last minute resistance EARLIER in your game, by eliminating the word “slut” from your vocabulary, you won’t have to deal with the resistance so late.
Often times her resistance has to do with not feeling comfortable enough having sex after meeting you so soon.
She doesn’t want to be seen as a “slut.” If she resists, it makes her feel like she’s not being slutty.
She needs to feel like it “just happened”…
you’re not going to judge her…
her friends aren’t going to judge her…
you’re not going to never call her again…
you’re not going to broadcast the news over the internet.
So, make it clear having sex is AWESOME! It DOES NOT EQUAL slut. And take the decision-making process out of her hands. YOU take the lead, so she doesn’t have to take responsibility for it. Make it so that she can tell her friends “it just happened” or “it was his fault.”
Most important, make it clear earlier during your comfort-building conversation you respect women who are adventurous, spontaneous, who love sex. Plant that seed early on and she’ll be less likely to resist sex later on at the last minute.
When you’re NON-JUDGMENTAL, you AVOID last minute resistance, and you make her feel comfortable with sex.
But that’s not the only reason you should eliminate the word “slut” from your vocabulary.
Honest-to-God the whole concept is…
There’s no equivalent word for a man. I mean the word is derogatory. It’s an insult for women. What word is there in our language to insult men for sleeping with lots of women?
What’s that you say?
Male slut? Pimp? Ladies’ Man?
Compliments. All of ’em.
Why? Why is it a compliment for men to sleep with lots of women but it’s wrong for women to have that same freedom?
In logic, when two premises collide like this, it’s called inconsistency. Inconsistency is an invalid argument.
Language is funny. You can actually create a reality out of language.
What do I mean?
Man and woman having sex. Sheer fact. Nothing good, nothing bad about it.
Then you apply the word “slut” to the woman.
All of a sudden, it makes a woman feel uneasy, nervous, guilty… basically like shit… for something that’s…
JUST FUCKING SEX!
A FACT of life… that BOTH the man and woman are doing.
A fact of life that’s creative, pleasurable, brings life into the world, binds people together, loving.
A fact of life that’s GORGEOUS.
Slut = moralistic judgment based on a human construction, not reality.
The word “slut” is bullshit. The sooner you get rid of that thinking, the sooner women will want to fuck your brains out.
Make her feel safe. A no-slut zone does just that.