Making decisions is hard. Believe me, I know.
But to be a strong man, we’ve got to be decisive. For example, if you tell to a woman: “You decide,” she won’t feel like you’re protecting her.
Here’s the toughest thing about making decisions.
Sometimes you’ll make decisions people won’t like. They’ll call you stupid or get angry with you. So, we become afraid to make the wrong decision. To screw up.
I’d say this, though. It’s better to make a bad decision than to make no decision. I used to think if I avoided making a decision then I couldn’t be blamed for making a bad decision. Then I realized there were still consequences of making no decision at all.
How do you know if you’ll make the right decision?
You won’t, but get as much info as you can. And trust your judgment. It’s impossible to ever know if it’s the “perfect” decision. Just do the best you can do based on the info you have. If it’s the wrong decision? Oh well. Now you know. Learn from it.
Here’s the other thing. I’ve been in relationships with women who pressured me to do the wrong thing. My gut was telling me it was the wrong thing, but I did it anyway, just to please her. Please don’t do this. Please. Do what you know in your gut is right. Even if it doesn’t “please” her.
I’m not saying don’t listen to her. Yes, listen to her. She might give you good feedback. Understand where she’s coming from. If it’s good feedback, by all means use it. Sometimes she’ll make you aware of things you hadn’t thought of. Cool. Compromise.
But if it’s something against what you KNOW to be true, throw it out. Do what’s right. Don’t make a decision just to please everyone else. You’ll end up getting tossed by the wind. You want to be a rock, instead.
- Be the rock haha
So, guide your decisions based on your values. That conviction gives you confidence in your decisions. And makes you more resilient to criticism.
Hey, and if the decision turns out to be the wrong one, fine. Take responsibility for it. You’re human. Owning up to mistakes is actually a sign of strength. Never deny or try to blame someone else or the circumstances for your mistakes. Own up to it.
So, the biggest thing I’ve learned about being more decisive is this. It’s okay to make mistakes. Just decide. If it’s the wrong decision, learn from it.
We respect people who have the confidence to take charge. We don’t admire people who stand back like a wussy boy. Have the balls. And decide.
Here’s some stuff I’ve used to help me become more decisive:
1. Next time you’re out with friends and no one knows where to go to eat, say “we’ll go here.” Lots of times people are just looking for a leader. Step into that role.
2. With your woman, instead of putting the responsibility of deciding where to eat on her, pick YOUR favorite place to go. What your gut says. Say: “We’re going here.” If she criticizes you, or puts you down for it, she doesn’t have to come along. And if it does suck, oh well. Now you know not to go there. And really, when you think about it, you can make any place fun, right?
3. When you’re by yourself and you have to make a decision, listen to your gut. Socrates used to call this his “inner voice.” And he said it never steered him wrong. Listen to it. Check it against your reason and the facts. Then go back to your gut. Make the decision to the best of your ability, and go with it 100%. No looking back.
I got this “aha” moment about letting go of the fear of making the wrong decision from Elliot Katz in his book “Being The Strong Man A Woman Wants.”
High recommended, by the way. So, I wanted to share it with you.
Decisiveness sharpens your masculinity. And, of course, makes you more attractive to women. Can’t complain about that.
This is actually something I am working on but it is SO hard. My brain is wired in such a way that I have to literally think about this almost out loud.
I’ll say things like “do you want me to…”, “where should we go?”, “what do you think?” and always making sure it pleases people who are with me (or girl).
I know we should listen to feedback and not decide for the sake of deciding, but I’m definitely a pussy when it comes to decision-making IF there are other people with me. I’m scared they won’t like my decision or someone will say “no, let’s do that instead” and others will follow his lead instead of mine.
I agree with everything you said above and will apply your tips! Thanks.
Thank YOU Leo! Your sentence here was especially insightful:
“I’m scared they won’t like my decision or someone will say ‘no, let’s do that instead’ and others will follow his lead instead of mine.”
Indecision can often be traced back to fear. I know I’ve been there. If someone says, “No, let’s do that instead,” feel free to shrug it off. “Okay, whatever.” Let him be sharp-edged rock. You can be the water that just absorbs it and lets it float away. Isn’t it funny how it’s the water that’s the stronger force than the sharp-edge rock?
And if your decision turns out not to be great and you get criticized, oh well. Own it. Taking responsibility (rather than blaming or denying or getting defensive) shows a lot of strength, and is attractive. And hey. At least you made a decision. If wasn’t a great one, now you can learn from it.
So that comment of yours was super insightful. But I would NOT call you a pussy though. You’re human just like the rest of us. The fact you have awareness around this area puts you on the path of development. I’m not sure a lot of us are on that path of awareness? So shining light on this area is pretty damn awesome if you ask me.
As for saying, “What do you think?” I don’t think that’s such a bad thing IF you made a decision. Checking in with the woman you’re with to see if she’s on board with your decision makes you NOT an authoritarian dictator. That’s a good thing. Allowing for collaboration and democracy while also taking the lead? Thumbs up.
However, asking “where should we go?” or “do you want me to?” might be something to avoided if you’re looking for her to make the decisions as if you’re relying on her. That’s like a jellyfish (without that spine). But if you’re making a decision while also making room for her collaboration, I think she’ll actually appreciate that.
Thanks for your insightful comment, Leo!