Can you imagine telling her when she was learning archery “just be confident”? That’s “natural game’s” message. You won’t hear the Mystery Method give that kind of advice. MM is more practical.
“Mystery Method Makes You A Social Robot, I Hear “Natural Game” Is Way Better…”
WARNING: This is kind of a rant.
1. The concept of “Natural Game” is marketing hype.
The “Natural Game” concept was created by people who wanted to cash in on the phrase “new and improved.”
Funny thing is, natural game is neither new nor improved.
Often these marketers started as students of Mystery, then repackaged his teachings and called it “natural game.”
Also the fundamentals of game were around long before Mystery or Natural Game. The genius of Mystery was his making the fundamentals conscious for anyone to understand and apply. Success with women was no longer explained by “just talk to women and be confident.”
“Natural Gamers” then came along and declared Mystery Method was too unnatural, too theoretical.
But these guys fail to grasp that when learning any skill, it helps to have a skill broken into steps first. That way a person can go from “conscious incompetence” to “conscious competence” to “unconscious competence.”
It’s as if Natural Gamers want guys to go from “conscious incompetence” to “unconscious competence”… without going through the “conscious competence” stage first.
And holy shit Natural Gamers are THEORETICAL for being “natural”!
2. I had bought into their hype once. I wanted to see how “new and improved” they were.
Bought a lot of their products, listened to a lot of their interviews, read their books, watched some of their YouTube videos.
I didn’t learn anything new or improved. Except that their shit was overwhelmingly mediocre, and not very enlightening.
‘Cause their crap basically amounts to “be yourself,” “be confident,” “be playful and funny.” Cliches you’d find off a bumper sticker. Or you’d hear anyone off the street say.
Now let me ask you. If you’re out in the field and you see a beautiful woman, would that shit actually HELP you?
Of course not.
Wouldn’t you want something more specific, more practical?
Obviously. That’s where the Mystery Method comes in.
Rather than “new and improved” I’m afraid to say Natural Game seems more of a step backwards, rather than forwards.
3. Here’s another thing. For some, picking the nose could be natural. Should we be doing that when meeting women?
Some “Natural Gamers” don’t take the time to define what they mean by “natural game.”
Mystery Method teaches a guy how to BE HIS BEST SELF while knowing what to say, when to say it, and how to say it.
Yet Mystery’s Method IS natural game as well.
Meaning, there are men who seem “naturally” good with women. But then that’s a myth, too.
‘Cause no one is born “naturally” good with women. Everyone has to learn the skill, and CAN.
People like to call these men “naturals” because they may have never read a book on success with women. They still learned it though… by watching and modeling guys who were more successful with women than them.
4. Anyway, Mystery Method IS what men who are successful with women do (the “naturals”), but backwards engineered so it’s teachable for ANY guy can apply it.
This is especially useful if you don’t happen to know a guy who’s more successful with women than you.
That was me. I learned the Mystery Method, practiced it, failed a lot. But soon the method became “natural,” intuitive, and it became “second nature” to me.
And that’s my point. Learn a strategy–see the whole maze first, then start at the end and trace your steps back to the beginning. PRACTICE the steps until it becomes “natural.” Then you don’t need to rely on the map as much.
In other words, Mystery Method is like climbing up a ladder. It helps you get to the top. Once you’re there, you can throw away the ladder. But the Mystery Method at least gives you steps to get to the top.
“Natural Game”? Not so much.
5. Yes, Mystery Method provides steps and strategies. But they’re fundamentals.
Michael Jordan had to learn the fundamentals of basketball first. After mastering those, he could bend ’em to fit his style.
Fundamentals were around before Mystery or “natural game,” and they’ll be around after someone slaps a different label on it.
“Natural game” may cover a few of the fundamentals. Mystery Method covers ’em all. It’s comprehensive.
So, rather than chasing after the “newest” fad, get the fundamentals down. And that’s what the Mystery Method provides.
6. One other thing I want to mention that annoys me to no end: the smugness.
These “natural gamers” portray themselves as morally superior because they’re “natural.” But they turn around and bash Mystery (because they know he’s the best) without showing respect–even though often these guys learned from him.
The condescending tone makes me wanna reach for some Scope.
I’m not saying all natural gamers are like this. And I’m not against the idea of natural game. I just despise the bashing, the ingratitude, the mediocre advice… and how they end up confusing guys.
Like I said, don’t buy into their hype. Just focus on the fundamentals. You’ll get ’em all with the Mystery Method.
7. One last myth I wanna dismantle before I end this series on the myths surrounding pickup.
Has to do with one of the fundamentals of the Mystery Method: negs. It’s one of its most misunderstood parts…
It’s always easier to judge something on the surface. It makes you feel righteous and superior. But that’s vulgar understanding, and it always misunderstands. Real understanding looks for the good, and isn’t quick to throw things into moralistic categories. It’s harder to do, but you get closer to reality.
Now, let me say here at the outset. I’m not saying the Mystery Method is the “one and only” method. Of course there’re always more than one way to do something. But some methods work better than others. I know MM works. In my experience, it’s the fundamentals of game. And that’s the case I’d like to make to you below.
Here’s Phil showing Hercules the fundamentals. I could almost hear him echoing Michael Jordan’s words: “Get away from fundamentals… the bottom can fall out of your game. Get the fundamentals down and the level of everything you do will rise. Once you’ve got the fundamentals down, you’ve got a solid foundation to build on.”
Why would some say it’s obsolete then? They’re victims of marketing. Marketers are usually the ones saying the Mystery Method’s obsolete.
Marketers love the word “new.” So do customers. When we see words like: “My NEW product and method is improved!” We want it more.
By saying one method’s out-of-date, marketers attempt to link pain with it. By saying “their” method is up-to-date and better, they attempt to link pleasure with it. To make you buy.
It’s the old case of tear down the “popular” guy to make yourself look more desirable. Very sportsman-like. Not.
And for guys who want to learn how to be more successful with women, these marketing messages just ends up confusing us. Worse, we’ll buy the “new, shinny” product, and it sucks.
So, let me kill this completely false message the Mystery Method’s obsolete. I want to assure you not to be fooled. Fundamentals don’t go obsolete.
To do this, I wrote a fictionalized dialogue between “Introverted Playboy” and I. It was based on a real-life spat. He’s another blogger, and he had commented on this video I had posted.
By the way, he recently changed his blogging name to Justin Attraction, and he now goes by that name. That was about two or three weeks ago (about 7/20/14 or and it’s 8/7/14 now). But because I had been working on this post before he changed his name (since about the end of May), I kept his old one below.
Anyway, you’ll see both our points-of-view below.
Warning: what I wrote might be a little long. Okay, no, it IS long. So, you might wanna grab a cold one. Along the way, we’ll definitely nail down the fundamentals of game.
The Introverted Playboy, now known as “Justin Attraction.” The dialogue below is between him and me.
Quick note about “Introverted Playboy/Justin Attraction” Respect to him. He’s an author and a coach. He’s smart, he puts out sound stuff, and he gets great testimonials. He’s off-base to claim MM is obsolete, but respect still goes out to him.
Anyway, back to you. I hope I’ve portrayed his viewpoint fairly, so you can decide the question yourself.
What I think you’ll see is this: these marketing messages are intellectual masturbation. Useless in the real world, with the added bonus of being paralyzing.
Worse, I can’t help wonder if those who’ve been duped by the hype have even tried MM? And justify their fear of not trying it with these rationalizations? I don’t know.
Check it out for yourself. If nothing else, I pasted some cool pics and videos into the post. If you don’t want to read all this, I don’t blame you, but check those out. I think you’ll still get a sense of the argument.
Again, the argument: MM isn’t obsolete because they go over the fundamentals of game.
CHAPTER ONE. MYSTERY METHOD ISN’T THE “ONE” WAY, BUT *IS* FLEXIBLE
He’s gotten a lot of publicity, but that doesn’t mean his is the “only” way.
Introverted Playboy: Mystery had good ideas but most of them are obsolete.
Renaissan: You’re absolutely wrong. Most of Mystery’s ideas aren’t obsolete, because they’re about the fundamentals of pickup and seduction. Fundamentals don’t become obsolete.
IP: Well, much of it is.
Ren: Like what?
IP: That my method is THE method. That there’s only one way. To say “this is the only way” is simply wrong, because there’s more than one way.
Ren: There’s only one way? I wasn’t aware of that. Or that Mystery ever claimed that.
IP: Doesn’t the Mystery Method say you must approach indirectly?
Ren: Mystery prefers the indirect approach himself, but you can use MM with a direct opener, too. An approach depends on the context. If a woman’s alone, giving a compliment can work better than going direct. If she’s in a group indirect can be easier. I use a combination of direct and indirect approaches myself.
IP: How can you use both a direct and an indirect approach at the same time?
Ren: They’re a difference in energy. A direct opener’s sincere and serious. Again, it’s best done with one girl. An indirect opener’s a more playful energy. It’s targeted to more than one girl, or groups, because it doesn’t alienate anyone. The other advantage of going in with a playful energy is it lets you approach more sets.
That’s probably why Mystery likes the indirect approach best. It doesn’t alienate, and allows him to approach more.
Again, you can still do the Mystery Method with a direct opener.
IP: Well, his methods are marketed as the be-all and end-all of attraction and seduction.
Ren: It is? Wasn’t aware of that one either. Which specific marketers are you talking about? The marketing messages I see are the ones that diss the Mystery Method, not that it’s the be-all and end-all of attraction.
IP: Remember how MM was billed “how to get beautiful women into bed”? As if it was the final word in the matter? But what it really is, is: a highly specialized method for a particular kind of guy in a particular context.
Ren: Uh, that was the subtitle of of Mystery’s first book, yes.
No where in this book, or in the subtitle of his book, does he claim to have the “only” way.
But who said it was the final word in the matter? I believe you added those words in yourself. I’ve read that book four times. Never saw that claim anywhere. Sounds like your own interpretation.
Also, if you ever listen to Mystery, you’ll hear him say he developed the method for himself, because it worked for him. He happened to teach it to other guys, and it caught on like wildfire. I’ve never heard him claim it’s the final word in the matter. I HAVE heard him say he’s excited to learn from other pickups artists, though.
What’s funny is many of those guys Mystery taught his method went on to open their own pickup companies. They then dissed MM saying it was obsolete and called their game “Natural.” *Cough* Vin DiCarlo and Gambler *Cough* Even though they’re super theoretical and use MM. Why? To make sales. It’s a marketing technique.
IP: Well, MM was developed for specific contexts. Night game in Los Angeles and Las Vegas mostly, and for the goal of dating women in the short-term. They don’t work in other contexts like daytime, shopping malls, low-energy situations, and for other goals like same night lays vs. long-term dating.
Ren: Hahahahaha! Oh, you’re serious. Um, no. Mystery has approached women all over the world, in the day, in the night, high-energy places, low-energy places. He’s gotten same night lays, he’s had long-term relationships. And obviously he used his method to do it.
Same with me. I’ve used MM in every context you can imagine. The mall, bars, coffee shops. I’ve had same night lays, threesomes, foursomes, picked up strippers. And I’m in New England, a completely different culture than LA or Vegas. MM works, man. Why? They’re about universals that cut across time and culture.
CHAPTER TWO. CAN GAME HAVE UNIVERSALS?
IP: We have to be very careful with the idea of “game universals.” What works for one guy may not work for another. MM is one style, one strategy, out of many that could work depending on a guy’s status, approaching different kinds of girls with different personalities. There’s more than one way to skin a cat.
Ren: There are many paths up a mountain, but you still need some basics to get to the top. In game, if you don’t have sexual tension, emotional connection, masculine energy, you ain’t going nowhere with a girl. Whatever your style of skinning a cat is, you’ve gotta have fundamentals. And fundamentals are what MM’s about.
IP: Okay, I agree there are some game universals. But we have to be careful. Style is a universal, peacocking is not. Flirting is a universal, negging and disqualification is not. Status is a universal, preselection is not.
Ren: Do you even know what peacocking, negging and preselection are?
This is peacocking. Wear one or two interesting items of clothing. Here Johnny Depp wears an interesting bracelet, an interesting hat. His T-shirt and his jeans (that you can’t see in this pic) are “supporting” pieces.
IP: Peacocking is hilarious, and I guess it can be useful. But it’s basically dressing really weird and bizarre to stand out.
Ren: A common misperception. Peacocking is one of the basics of style. Which is wear one or two interesting items of clothing with supporting pieces. A supporting piece can be a pair of jeans, or a shirt, nothing that stands out. An interesting item is something that stands out, like a necklace or even a cool tie. Something that makes you go “wow” or “that’s kinda different” or “that’s pretty cool.”
It’s a basic of style because, these one or two items make you stand out from the herd of generic, Mr. Nice Guys who dress the same. You don’t have to go nuts here. Peacocking just shows you’ve got an edge and the balls to be a little different. That’s an attractive attitude to communicate through your clothing.
Bonus: they make great icebreakers, too. If you’re wearing a cool necklace or an interesting hairdo, you’ll find girls will opening you. “Cool tie,” she might say.
Just because Mystery has his own unique kind of style doesn’t mean you have to dress exactly like him. You can model other stylish people, a movie star you admire, a rock star you like, a character from a movie you’d like to be like. The point’s to break out of the generic Mr Nice Guy clothing, and take a few chances.
Okay, what about negging. What’s your understanding of that?
Below’s a classic example of play-fighting (or negging) — done with music!
IP: It disqualifies yourself from being a potential suitor. They can take the form of subtle insults to lower a girl’s self-esteem.
Ren: God, no! Another misunderstanding. You’re right they’re meant to disqualify you from being a potential suitor, you’re wrong to say they’re meant to lower girl’s self-esteem. Negs is just banter, man. No big thing.
They’re like what the philosopher Baudrillard once said about seduction:
“Challenge, not desire, is the key to seduction.”
Jean Baudrillard, the French postmodern philosopher (1927-2007). His most famous book is “Simulacra and Simulation,” but he also wrote a book called “Seduction.”
It’s making yourself into a bit of a challenge.
Animals play-fight with each other all the time.
Play-fighting. What negging is.
That’s what negs are. Play-fighting. It’s HARMLESS.
Or, it’s like one of my favorite quotes from the movie Tao of Steve:
“We purse that which retreats from us.”
Negs really negate yourself, not her. It’s about pulling away from her to draw her in.
Probably the best thing they do is
It’s the complete opposite of what most other guys do when they:
ask “can I buy you a drink?”
ask “so where are you from?”
tell a girl “you’ve got great tits, wanna fuck?”
give her a bunch of generic compliments: “you’re so pretty.”
get obsessed with “that one girl”…
Instead, a neg does two things:
communicates to her friends: “I’m not after your hot friend,” or as you said it “disqualifies you from being a potential suitor.” At the same time you…
play-fight with the hot friend, creating sexual tension with her.
It’s FLIRTING. The argument’s over a word, a label.
Mystery coined the term “neg” for play-fighting, banter, playing hide ’n’ seek, catch me if you can. Whatever you call it. For what you do when you create sexual tension.
To her friends it looks like you’re not getting along, and their “bitch shields” don’t activate. But below the surface you and your target are feeling this sexual charge.
You can see negs in romantic comedies. In the beginning the two leads usually don’t get along. Their playful conflict and dissonance creates chemistry. Later they fall in love.
EXAMPLES OF ROMANTIC COMEDIES WHERE THE LEADS DON’T GET ALONG AT FIRST BUT FALL IN LOVE LATER (i.e. “negs”)
10 Things I Hate About You (1999)
How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days (2003)
The Proposal (2009)
When Harry Met Sally (1989)
That’s what negs are. Playful conflict. It adds spice to an interaction.
It’s NEVER meant to insult women. If you insult a woman, you’re a dick and you’re doing it wrong. If she’s laughing and hitting your arm, well done. You’re negging on each other.
IP: I get that. But the problem with negs is that so much of a successful neg comes down to tone and the spirit you’re saying it with. The same exact line, spoken in one way will come across as insulting and arrogant, and in another way will be playful and fun.
Ren: So? Is that any reason not to try it? Because you might not get it “perfect” the first time? So what if you fuck up? That’s how we learn. By fucking up.
Besides, it’s such an easy fix.
If your attitude is one of an arrogant prick, of course negs aren’t gonna work. Be playful.
If you’re an arrogant shit and you look down on people, then ANYTHING you say will come off as arrogant and insulting. Negs aren’t the problem, then. It’s your attitude.
But if your attitude’s playful and positive, that is you feel great and want to share that great feeling with everyone else, that attitude will come off, too. Even better, as Lance Mason from “Art of Attraction” once said:
“Positive energy is the male equivalent of cleavage.”
Having positive energy is the male equivalent of cleavage. It attracts.
The key to attraction is having a positive energy. That’s why smiling and laughter and giving “feeling good” and social freedom’s so important. It’s a pleasurable feeling that women’ll link to you.
But if your attitude’s playful, and all you want to do is put a smile on a girl’s face, and you don’t look down on people, that attitude will come off, too. It’ll be fun.
That problem you’re talking about has more to do with attitude, not negs.
I was nervous when I first tried negs, but the payoff’s been fantastic. It’s helped me cure my “nice guy syndrome,” become more assertive, be more playful, not to mention I’ve learned how to be funnier. Take the risk, break out of your comfort zone, and try ‘em. It’s worth it.
Negs, or being a playful challenge, is a fundamental to game.
IP: Well, what I don’t like is Mystery frames disqualification as utterly necessary. But in reality, tons of guys succeed by just being totally honest and direct about what they want.
They approach a girl, tell her she’s hot, escalate, and case closed. Disqualification is just one option. It works in some cases, with some women, for some guys. It’s not universally always true.
Ren: Wrong again. Like we talked about, you always need sexual tension. Tension comes from conflict, like tug-o-war. Tug-o-war doesn’t happen by saying to the other team “You guys are so strong and wonderful. I’ll surrender to you.” Then the rope goes all slack. No. Tug-o-war happens when both sides tug.
Sexual tension is like playing tug-o-war. This picture is NOT an example of sexual tension. When sex or romance gets mixed in, the tug-o-war turns into sexual tension.
Don’t get me wrong. Being honest is great. I’m all for honesty. I’m honest and direct when I approach. But then I immediately inject some playful conflict, too. Otherwise the interaction becomes dull.
Also, when you pull away slightly, it creates want. What’s the nature of wanting?
Not having. When you have, the wanting goes away. So, being a bit of a challenge makes people want more. Again, it’s a fundamental of game.
Besides, who doesn’t enjoy some laughter, and that cliff-hanger feeling where you don’t know what’s going to happen next?
Okay, okay, okay. You’ve brought us back this issue of the direct versus indirect opener. Cool, whatever. You can do MM with a direct approach, no problem. You said tons of guys do go direct without any disqualification. Which guys did you have in mind?
Each one of these guys approached ONE girl in the DAY. So, they opened with direct openers.
Ren: Every one of those guys approached ONE girl during the DAY. I thought we talked about this already. Of course, a direct approach IS more ideal in that context. If you’re going to approach groups of women, the game changes a bit.
Direct honesty is the way to go during the day. All I’m saying is it’s helpful to throw a little playful challenge in there, too. To make things interesting, to make her chase, to make her want.
IP: Well, here’s the other thing. Mystery’s game is so conversation-focused. There are tons of guys that focus on physical escalation, with minimal talking, and are successful.
Ren: I’m not sure who you have in mind, but I know Matador has a really physical game. And guess what? He was a student of Mystery’s. So what?
3. Quick Sex
Why scrape the barrel…
…when you could have this?
IP: Well, what if you’re looking for simple, quick sex, with little interest in getting to know a girl or developing a deep connection? Sometimes a girl’s horny and wants any guy to sleep with. You don’t need all these weird tactics. You just need to be in the right place at the right time.
Ren: I guess, but why would you want to just go for anyone, like sloppy drunk chicks? MM’s designed to pick up quality girls, the 9’s and 10’s. And part of MM is to be selective about the women you have sex with, to have sex with a girl you’d actually want to see again.
But, hey, if you want to go for the 5’s and 6’s, you can still use MM, too.
For me, the point of learning game isn’t to scrape the barrel and get laid by just anyone, but to learn a life skill and grow as a man.
IP: And what if the 9 or 10 happens to be a sloppy drunk?
Ren: She won’t be much of a 9 or 10 anymore. And kinda illegal if you took her home.
IP: The idea that hot girls are fundamentally “different” from other girls is a common fallacy. The same woman can be all dolled up in a nightclub and get hit on by lots of guys, but then Sunday morning at the coffee shop with no makeup and sweats, suddenly she’s considered less hot. Same girl. All women function in the same way.
Ren: Women and men function in the same way because we’re all human and we all want love. Why stop there? But to ignore the fact that 9’s and 10’s get more attention is just ignoring reality.
Girls who get more attention, get hit on more, get more breaks in life because they’re genetic freaks have a different psychology than a girl who’s been ignored all her life. So, there is a difference between approaching a 9 or 10 versus a 6 or 7.
IP: Every man has a different definition of hotness. One man’s 10 is another man’s 6. There’s a lot of subjectivity there.
Ren: Maybe some guys are into fat chicks. But put a fat chick on the cover of a magazine, I doubt it would sell as well. All of us know the difference between a 10 and a 6.
And ever heard about that experiment done on infants? Where scientists showed them pictures of average faces versus “beautiful” faces? The babies gazed on the beautiful faces more. There’s a lot more objectivity to beauty than you think. You know that. C’mon, man.
Grace Kelly. That’s a pretty beautiful face. Wouldn’t you say? Or is beauty just relative?
IP: I really, REALLY don’t like the number system for various reasons, but that’s for another discussion.
You’re absolutely right, there is such a thing as objective beauty. But objective beauty lies in things like symmetry, a certain wait-hip ratio, clear skin, healthy-looking hair, and so on.
So, although there are clear-cut objective, universal factors, there are still MANY factors that are subjective. That’s why I say one man’s 10 is another’s 6.
There are so many examples. I know one guy who ONLY dates black and hispanic chicks. I know another guy who only dates east asian chicks. No doubt they both respond to symmetry, but they have very different physical tastes nevertheless.
Look at the difference between, say, Taylor Swift and Beyonce. Personally I consider them both very beautiful. But they are also VERY different looking—skin color, body proportions, hair texture, facial features.
A guy who like big tits and ass will probably prefer Beyonce to Taylor. While Taylor will get lots of guys going, that particular guy would probably not even notice her in a bar.
Ren: Yes, gourmet food is gourmet food, but some might prefer filet mignon over lemon herb chicken. Who cares? My point is there are 9’s and 10’s. It’s not harder to attract 9’s and 10’s, it’s just different. There’s a little more play-fighting involved.
And that learning game is more than about getting laid. We may have all gotten in game for that originally. But it’s really about breaking the comfort zone, learning a life skill, growing as a man.
Ren: What about preselection? What’s your understanding of that? I’m guessing you think that’s another obsolete idea?
From Robert Cialdini’s book “Influence.” According to his research on marketing, there are six basic weapons of psychological influence: Reciprocity; Commitment (and Consistency); Social Proof; Liking; Authority; Scarcity.
IP: Again, Mystery mentions this as one of the core necessities to attract a woman. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned past girlfriends or anything similar to a girl, at least not before sex. Rather than essential I see it as entirely optional. And sometimes detrimental. Because it can come off as bragging or in poor taste.
Ren: You’ve gotta read Cialdini’s “Influence” some time. He writes about six psychological factors that makes people want stuff. One of them is social proof. If lots of people want a product, it makes others want it, too. That’s all preselection is. Social proof.
An example of social proof.
And who said anything about bragging? Preselection addresses a pitfall a lot of guys fall into. That is, talking bad about their ex-girlfriends. He don’t realize that just makes him look bad.
Or, talking about how no women like him, and he’s a loser.
Chris Farley portraying himself negatively… not exactly the way to attract women:
How could talking about yourself in this way possibly attract a woman?
The point is, negative talk about yourself and ex-girlfriends isn’t attractive. It’s like trying to sell a product by saying it sucks and no one likes it.
On the other hand, you can talk well about your ex-girlfriends, and yourself. For example, you can mention a girlfriend in passing. And talk well of her. Or, you can present yourself in such a way that you’re successful with them.
Don Juan DeMarco portraying himself positively by showing he has a clue with women… slightly more effective
No bragging, man. Just being conscious to replace negative talk with positive talk. How you can benefit her.
And you can take all that up a notch. If a woman sees you surrounded by women, it might pique her curiosity. She might think: “If he has value for her, he might have value for me.”
It’s an effective strategy.
There’s a great scene in “Legally Blonde” that illustrates this, too. To show the principle goes beyond MM:
Reese Witherspoon helps a guy attract a girl he’s interested. The girl’s not interested. Reese pretends he gave her pleasure, then broke her heart. Next thing you know, the girl’s interested in him. Elle Woods understood preselection.
Elle Woods demonstrating Social Proof:
You don’t have to use this strategy. But if you know people gravitate to what others want, why not use it?
IP: Maybe you can “pique her curiosity,” but it’s not guaranteed and it’s not essential. It’s totally optional. Also, it works great for certain girls, such as many who are very status-conscious, but not as well for others.
Ren: Brother, you couldn’t be more wrong. Preselection has NOTHING to do with “status-conscious” girls. It has everything to do with human psychology.
And if you don’t want to use preselection, cool. I don’t care. To me, you’d be like a guy who only wants to play “Mary Had A Little Lamb” on the piano. Sure, he can get by. But why not expand your horizons and learn a little Mozart? If you understand this piece of psychology, you can use it to make your game even tighter.
IP: Preselection brings up something else that’s been nullified by subsequent lessons in recent years, and that’s Mystery’s take on evolutionary psychology. For example, his ideas about being the “tribal leader.” You don’t necessarily have to be the biggest, more powerful guy in the room to pickup women.
5. Evolutionary Psychology and High-Status
Ren: So, now you’re saying you don’t need a lot of masculine energy to attract a woman?
I agree with you on one point. Evolutionary psychology. I’m not a fan of it myself. Ever since I read Lewontin’s “Biology As Ideology.”
This book, by a Harvard geneticist, makes a very convincing critique of evolutionary psychology
David DeAngelo talks a lot about evolutionary psychology too, and it always makes my eyes glaze over. But I’ve never needed to believe in those myths to practice pickup.
That said, I DO think Mystery’s idea of the “tribal leader” is super-useful out in the field.
IP: Dude, “Tribal Leader” IS evolutionary psychology. He talks about ancient tribes and how the instincts that evolved in that prehistorical environment are still relevant today, and so on. That’s evolutionary psychology.
Ren: That’s the psycho-babble decorating a deeper truth. That women are attracted to masculine energy, especially to a high-status male rather than a low-status one.
There’s a joke, and I think it comes from Chris Rock but I’m not sure, where if Bill Clinton were working in a 7-11, women wouldn’t find him attractive anymore.
You could almost add to that: even if Hillary were president of the United States, guys still wouldn’t find her attractive. But it doesn’t matter if Candice Swanepoel were working in 7-11, she’d still be hot.
Candice Swanepoel. Wouldn’t matter if she worked at 7-11, would it?
IP: So, how do you convey high-status in the field? Brag?
That attracts chicks like cah-ra-zy. The way youth, facial symmetry, waist-hip ratio attracts guys.
Women find a survivor quality attractive because it’s masculine. It shows he’s strong enough to take care of her.
Wolverine: A man who can survive and who can protect. The idea is that’s masculine, and masculinity attracts women.
Men find a replicative quality attractive in a chicks because it’s feminine. Or it’s a sign of fertility.
Whatever the reason, being aware of the difference between how guys get attracted and women get attracted is super-useful in the field.
IP: Well, survival and replication is all part of evolutionary psychology. Which is fine. But to say it has nothing to do with pickup is silly.
Ren: You just totally missed my point. First, you don’t have to believe in evolutionary psychology to practice this idea. The idea being looks attract guys more, and having high-status attracts chicks more than looks. What I was trying to say was, you don’t need evolutionary psycho-babble to practice that.
IP: I agree status can make a big difference. But status is FLUID and dependent on context, as well as on the girl’s preferences.
A tatted-up 19-year-old hipster with a crappy part-time job into the indie rock scene is likely to have a VERY different conception of “status” than a 28-year-old preppy Harvard grad who works with a lobbying firm in D.C.
Accordingly, two very different kinds of men will be considered highly attractive to them. And note that both of these girls can be super-hot.
Ren: We can keep returning to this theme of relativism versus universals until we’re blue in the face. It’s still a cop-out.
Maybe a 19-year-old hipster has different taste in men than a 28-year-old Harvard grad. But strength, confidence, and masculinity are universals that’ll attract a woman no matter what. Whether she’s a tenured professor or a 19-year old college student.
IP: Well, if you say “status” is just about confidence, body language, and swagger, that’s hardly revolutionary and we don’t need MM to tell us that.
Ren: I wasn’t arguing that “confidence attracts women” is what’s revolutionary about MM. What’s revolutionary about MM is it’s a practice that helps guys GET that confidence and swagger.
You said at the beginning of all this Mystery had some good ideas. Out of curiosity, which did you have in mind?
CHAPTER THREE. IF MM IS *MOSTLY* OBSOLETE, IS THERE ANY GOOD?
The “good” of The Mystery Method, according to Introverted Playboy: Mystery was the first to take a scientific approach. If that were true, what about all the academics who’ve taken a scientific approach to attraction before him? (Arthur Aron, Hellen Fisher, Desmond Morris, Lucy Brown, David Buss, Geoffery Miller, Margaret Meade, John Gottman… to name a few.)
IP: The GOOD thing that Mystery introduced, and this WAS revolutionary, was the notion we should take a scientific approach to understanding attraction.
Ren: Scientific approach? You mean evolutionary psychology?
IP: No, he gave us a different take on women than, for example, “what my uncle said about the birds and bees.” Which is what most male discussion about attraction was based on for generations to that point. This scientific approach was indeed novel.
Ren: Not sure if I follow.
IP: You could take your uncle’s word for it, OR you could look critically at the evidence and see what’s really going on. And see that status, for example, is part of what attracts girls. But there’s also more to the story.
Ren: Okay, so you do think status attracts women.
IP: I guess so.
Ren: My point: saying MM’s obsolete is dangerous because some might be tempted to throw out the baby out with the bathwater, and the fundamentals that go along with it.
IP: I do think people who dismiss MM out-of-hand run the risk of throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
But over time we’ve learned that only some of it you need, some of it is optional, some of it is only necessary in a certain context. And some of it will work great in some cases and actually be harmful in other.
Maybe obsolete isn’t the right word. Maybe incomplete or inadequate, or “not the whole story” would have been better.
CHAPTER FOUR. MM IS COMPREHENSIVE
Ren: Woooooow. That’s EXACTLY what’s awesome about MM. It IS comprehensive. It’s a guideline of what to do from meet to sex. It has the same structure as the beginning-middle-end of a story.
Mystery with a diagram of his method. Looks complicated, but the idea’s simple: attract first (A), build comfort second (C), save seduction for last (S). More on this below.
Like storytellers, pickup artists can use the MM structure to give them the freedom to use his imagination to create his own “stories” with his own style.
There’s so much flexibility within the MM structure. As evidenced by all the guys who came after and added to him.
How else do you explain why Mystery’s trained more master pickup artists than any other? OR changed the lives of countless men who felt they were hopeless with women, like me?
IP: All the respect to Mystery, no doubt. But look at what happened with many of those guys—they wound up developing their own styles and methods. You look at someone like Tyler Durden/RSD, for instance, and what he teaches now bears almost no resemblance to MM, as far as infield action.
1. MM’s Comprehensive Allows For Different Styles
Ren: So? That’s how it is with any art. A teacher teaches you a skill, but you don’t master it until you make it your own. RSD may have their own style, but they still use the fundamentals of MM: create sexual tension, be the man, entice her to chase, attract first, build comfort second, seduce last.
IP: Remember there were and are tons of guys who did not succeed with MM, and eventually turned to other things, or turned their back on game altogether and joined PUAHate and whatnot.
Ren: If a guy starts learning piano and gives up does that invalidate piano? Just means he gave up.
If a guy doesn’t make the basketball team, does it invalidate basketball? Just means he didn’t make the cut.
If a guy never got his black-belt in martial arts, does it invalidate martial arts? It means he stopped going.
Same with people who had turned to PUAHate. Instead of looking at himself and how he could he improve, he blames an outside force, gets bitter and instead of growing just complains. It’s called sour grapes.
“Sour Grapes make the best whine.” Hehe. So damn true. Especially for the guys over at puahate.com.
Now, if MM is as specialized as you say, how do you explain him having his own TV show?
IP: Don’t go by TV. They’re in it for shock value and entertainment and money, nothing more.
Ren: Blanket statement, maybe? I’m not citing TV as an authority. I’m talking from the producer’s point-of-view. If I’m a producer who wants to create a show that appeals to a mass audience, I’d want it it to have mass appeal. If MM was so specialized, how could he have that mass appeal?
Maybe our disagreements boil down to where we’ve been practicing game. Maybe your focus has been on one-on-one day game, whereas my practice has revolved around approaching women in groups at night.
IP: I do approach small groups, 2-3 max. But I approach those groups usually with wing men available. I generally avoid mixed sets.
Ren: Maybe that’s why you say MM is obsolete, then. Because you’re afraid of trying it out. It’s definitely a different energy during the day. I know trying out MM’s been a life-changer for me.
IP: Note the higher energy in the night. More physical style like RSD succeed very well in the night game, so again it’s relative.
Ren: I feel like we’re going around in circles. We already established that. No one’s arguing you only have to approach indirectly. MM is just a proven guideline that works, a flexible structure with fundamentals. You can adapt that to all sorts of contexts.
IP: Well, a lot of it was off the mark, and other PUAs have learned it’s unnecessary. You say it’s comprehensive, but it’s not.
2. MM Shows All The Classic Mistakes Men Make With Women
The Mr. Nice Guy who approaches in comfort: “come here often?” By skipping attraction.
Below, the Nice Guy: he opens in comfort without bothering to spark interest/attraction first. And he hides the fact he’s being nice to get sex.
The Creepy Guy who approaches in seduction: “let’s fuck,” or just stares with lust. By skipping attraction and comfort and opening in seduction.
The Creepy Guy. He opens in Seduction, before attracting or building comfort.
The guy who attracts, but gets stuck in comfort because he doesn’t kino escalate: the Friend Zone. By opening in attraction, builds comfort never moves to seduction.
The Friend Zone. He may have attracted her and built comfort, but he stays in comfort because he fears physically escalating.
The Player who attracts, but skips comfort and rushes to seduction: girl feeling buyer’s remorse, not returning his calls. By opening in attraction but skipping comfort.
The Player. He attracts, but skips comfort, and goes straight for seduction. He might get sex and rack up the women, but they usually have buyer’s remorse afterwards.
The idea is so damn simple.
Attract a woman FIRST before seducing or building comfort. Get some sexual chemistry going.
Build comfort and get to know her, second.
Then make a move (never in public, always in private) into a mutual seduction, third.
Simple, elegant, practical. Explains each mistake and how to solve them.
Also, it shows guys what the mating ritual looks like.
Every time we fall in love, regardless of place, time, we go through this process. We’re first attracted. We get to know the person. Then we seduce.
In fact, Desmond Morris, the zoologist who studied human behavior like any other animal, observed in “The Naked Ape” that the human mating ritual goes through three phases:
Pair formation (courtship, or the attraction and comfort phases),
Precopulatory activity (foreplay), and
He says it’s not always done in that order. For example, look at pre-arranged marriages. Husband and wife have sex before building a connection. But couples in a sexual relationship do go through the stages eventually.
Morris also observed that courtship last waaaay longer in humans than in animals.
Desmond Morris, the zoologist, made a similar observation as Mystery: the human mating ritual goes through three main stages.
What was before a mysterious process about HOW to be more successful with women on purpose (not on accident), has become like turning on the light in the dark so we’re not fumbling around.
Like a story structure, you fill MM out however you like. Just like the universal structure of story. Just as there are an infinite amount of stories, there are an infinite amount of ways to fill out MM.
3. MM Is Linear AND Cyclical
IP: Attraction-Comfort-Seduction. I personally find that model too linear. I think of the seduction process as more cyclical.
IP: Yes, balancing comfort and stimulation.
Ren: Um, that’s already part of MM. He calls it microcalibration. Even in comfort you’ve still got to be a bit of a challenge. Throughout attraction, comfort, and seduction you balance the “neg” part of things with interest, appreciation, connection.
Mystery on Microcalibration: the “cyclical” aspect of MM
In fact, that right there is THE unifying principle that binds attraction-comfort-and seduction together. As well as taking the lead and being the man all along the way.
IP: My way is so much simpler. I discuss my model of attraction and seduction in my ebook Introverted Seduction.
Ren: Yeah, “Introverted Seduction.” Why do you call yourself “Introverted Playboy” anyway, and your book “Introverted Seduction”?
The point isn’t to stay introverted or extroverted, but to grow.
IP: Because it’s geared towards introverts. Introverted guys have unique challenges and strengths in game. People think we have a handicap in game, but with practice, we can excel. We just have to play to our strengths, and not act like extroverts.
So, my book’s about how you don’t have to wear furry hats, paint your fingernails black, run routines, or neg. It’s meant for men who like to spend time alone and enjoy quiet conversations with one or two people. So I wrote this book about how introverts can succeed with women.
Ren: By remaining introverted.
IP: Right. Be true to who you are.
Ren: First of all, you’re confusing the man with the method. Mystery the man has that style. You can still have your own style and learn MM. MM, on the other hand, is just a guideline you can adapt to fit that style of yours.
Second, did Jung have in mind to stay introverted when he invented those labels “Introversion” and “Extroversion”? I thought his point was to become a more integrated human being. Not to remain the same. To integrate some of the energy you’re deficient into your personality, so you can grow.
Carl Jung (1875-1961), the psychologist who invented the terms “introvert” and “extrovert.” We might lead with one temperament, but we have the ability to be both. The point is to integrate both energies into our personalities.
IP: No, it’s about knowing your strengths and playing to those. It’s about not pretending to be someone you’re not, and being true to yourself.
Ren: Mystery was a big-time introvert before he taught himself game. To this day he’s an introvert. You have to be to invent something like MM. But he also now knows how to be outgoing, too. In other words, he’s become a more “whole” person.
Same with Neil Strauss. Big-time introvert before he learned game. After he learned game, he also learned how to bring out his personality better.
David DeAngelo was an introvert. Ross Jeffries was an introvert. Brad P was an introvert. Tyler Durden was an introvert.
I’d say most of us who learn game started as nerdy introverts. I’m an introvert myself.
I don’t think any of us would say we’re pretending to be someone we’re not after learning how to be more extroverted. I think we’d all say we’ve learned to become a more well-rounded human being, who knows how to bring out his best self.
MM is for introverts by an introvert. It helps introverts break out of that comfort zone. AND extroverts learn a shit load too. For example, the winner of the first season of “VH1’s The Pickup Artist,” Cosmo, was a natural extrovert.
Below is a video of Cosmo. He gives an example of a qualifier in it. Only thing I’d disagree with him is they’re NOT meant to bring down someone’s “value.” Qualifiers are more about helping a girl step down from her pedestal, if she’s on one, so you and her can now talk human-being-to-human-being.
IP: Well sometimes a guy doesn’t want to be an extrovert. I’m not saying Mystery’s model doesn’t work or can’t work. I’m just saying it’s rigid and limiting.
Ren: No, man. Just the opposite. MM’s super flexible. You can adapt it to your own personality and any context you’d like.
Or, are you saying it’s not good to have structure at all? That all structure is rigid and limiting?
5. MM’s Structure Gives You Freedom
What happens when there’s no structure, direction, map.
IP: I prefer to be intuitive about it. You don’t need a structure.
Ren: But structure’s what keeps the universe in place. It keeps the body in place. It keeps a story in place. It keeps music in place. And it keeps game in place.
And the beautiful thing about structure is it’s as flexible as a tree bending in the wind.
Not only that but having a structure allows you to take the lead. It’s like a map that helps you know where to go next. Otherwise, without a structure, you’d get into these fumbling, go-nowhere conversations.
Ironically, it’s having no structure that’s limiting. Structure sets you free.
IP: Structure sets you free? How’s that possible?
Ren: Imagine a bridge between two cliffs. That’s what structure is. Without the bridge in place you can’t get anywhere, and you might drown in the water below.
What having no structure is like. Can’t go anywhere.
Now, if you have a wobbly bridge, you won’t be able to walk across it with a lot of confidence. But if you have a strong bridge, now you can dance and have the freedom to be yourself. It’s counter-intuitive, but a strong structure gives you more freedom.
When striking up conversations with with strangers, it’s especially helpful to have a plan. Knowing what to do first, second, and third allows you to lead an interaction to a destination.
IP: Well, I think MM creates unnecessary extra steps that just get in the way. As many have said over the years, his teachings are complicated and contain unnecessary, superfluous material. It’s too complicated and completely anti-intuitive.
6. MM Is A Backwards Rationalization Of An Intuitive Process
Ren: Nope. You’re looking at MM through the lens of other people’s labels and misunderstanding, rather than taking the time to understand MM itself.
MM is the result of Mystery looking back on all his successful pickups and seeing a pattern. Certain things happened again and again when he succeeded. When he failed, he found that pattern wasn’t in place. That pattern became the Mystery Method.
And any skill seems it’s complicated at first. If you read about about how to drive a car, you’d probably think it’s too complicated and anti-intuitive. But after you practice those steps, it becomes intuitive. It’s helpful to have steps as a teaching tool until talking to women becomes intuitive.
Driving a car seems counter-intuitive and complicated at first. The instructions are meant for beginners. The more you practice the guidelines, the more “second nature” it becomes. Until you’re driving 87 miles an hour while texting. Not recommending that.
IP: Well, there’s just too much superfluous material.
7. Every Step In MM Has A Purpose
IP: A1, A2, A3… way to complex.
Ren: What does each of those refer to?
IP: A1 Open, A2 DHV, A3 qualify.
Attraction: it works the same way as electricity or magnetism. Opposite forces attract. Like forces repel. Masculine energy attracts the feminine. And playful conflict attracts more than being completely alike and perfectly nice.
Ren: Each one totally necessary and has a purpose.
Ren: Oh, it’s so cool. You know what her found out? He discovered there are three things makes us fall in love: sexual tension, mutual self-disclosure, and to discover the other person likes you for legitimate reasons.
When I first read this, it blew me away, because this is exactly what A2 and A3 refer to.
You do only two things in A2: a) create sexual tension with your target through negs (or play-fighting) and b) self-disclose yourself to her friends through DHV (or sharing yourself).
A3 is the mirror image of A2. By sharing yourself first in A2, you’re in a better position to ask about herself, by qualifying her. After she answers your question, you give a “Statement-Of-Interest,” telling her you like her, and make her feel liked for legitimate reasons.
The entire purpose of the attract phase: spark sexual tension, mutual self-disclosure, so you can make her feel liked for legitimate reasons.
Why is he approaching me? (Or, what does he want from us?)
How long am I going to be stuck with him? (Or, hopefully we’re not stuck with him.)
Who is he?
What can he do for me?
A1, the opener, answers the first two questions. First, you “root” yourself, i.e. let them know why you’re approaching.
You can be honest and direct: “You guys looked cool and I wanted to introduce myself” or “I’ve got this rule that whenever I see someone attractive, I’ve gotta say hi.”
Or, you’re approaching because you’re being outgoing, friendly, out meeting everyone.
Or, you’re approaching because you want to get a female opinion on something…
Below’s the REAL origin of the classic opinion opener “Who lies more, men or women?” at about 4:15
Whatever the reason, people won’t hear a word of what you’re saying unless they know why you’re talking with them first.
Second, give some kind of a time constraint. This can be verbal: “I’ve only got a sec.”
Or, through your body language: if your feet are turned away from them it communicates you’re not going to be there forever. In fact, you’re on your way out.
My favorite constraint’s to play-fight within the second sentence out my mouth. This is my favorite because it’s all about positive energy. Positive energy is the #1 thing to attract. It’s the male equivalent to big tits.
Third, open within 3 seconds to avoid being the Creepy Guy who stares or stalks. Really he’s being “The Nice Guy.” He waits for the woman to leave her group so he can catch her alone and hit on her… Much better to disarm the group using stories and humor that shows a non-insulting LACK of interest.
That’s all A1 is. Opening within 3 seconds, hooking a set by rooting yourself, and giving a constraint. Once you do that, you’re into A2.
And A2 is all about introducing yourself. It answers their next two questions:
You’re telling the group who you are. And…
…by initiating an interesting topic of conversation (DHV) while bringing humor to the table (negs), you’re giving the group value.
Once you introduce yourself it’s natural to ask about them… and you’re off into A3.
Brilliant. It works in any context you can imagine. And you can fill this structure out however you like.
IP: Well, what about C1, C2, C3…?
Comfort: getting to know each other, and building a connection.
Ren: C1, C2, and C3 are distinguished by location.
C1 takes place in the pickup venue. It’s also the secret to getting a solid phone number. Which is spending 25-40 minutes with her.
Getting a number in three minutes WILL flake. ‘Cause she doesn’t know you. Spending time getting to know her (25-40 minutes) gives her reason to pick up the phone.
But why play phone game at all when you can “time bridge”? That means NOT waiting to make a date later, but right there and then when you have her in person. It’s the opposite of what most guys do. It’s smart.
C2 is about visiting 3-5 venues with her. They’re neither in the pickup location nor the sex location. This builds more trust than spending the same amount of time with her in one place. If she sees you in only the venue you met as strangers, you’ll still feel like strangers. If you go to places together, well, you’re going into them “together.” You’re no longer strangers.
And THAT’S the secret to inviting her back to your place. Take her to multiple places. Then when you invite her to you place, she’ll accept because it’s just one more place.
Also, C2 means NOT waiting to kiss her at the end of the night. Be kissing already. Be touching each other already. That way when you go for foreplay in S1, it’s not an awkward move but an organic one.
C3 begins once she’s accepted your invitation to come back to your place and she’s alone with you there.
C3 means having a non-sexual reason for inviting her up: check out my aquarium, check out that movie we talked about, play that song on my guitar for you. Allow her to plausibly deny she’s coming up for sex. Let her save face and not appear “slutty.”
C3 also means NOT pouncing her when she’s at your place. For example, check your messages. Get her a drink. Put on a movie, play her a song on your guitar, play the home version of Dance, Dance Revolution. Or tell each other’s grounding stories. The grounding story can also be done in C2, but it’s often done in C3.
C3 continues to build comfort and trust, because you’re NOT pouncing as soon as she’s alone with you. By not pouncing, it builds sexual tension. She’s more likely to pounce on you!
IP: And S1, S2, and S3?
Ren: S1 is foreplay.
Foreplay: emotional connection turns into a physical connection.
S1 is the rule to NOT make out until you’re in private.
S1 also includes the idea that foreplay is about teasing her. Smelling her hair for five minutes without touching her. Not going directly to her sexual spots. To inch toward them but take detours, building even more sexual tension. Taking two steps forward, one step back. Making her want it more and more.
Why we should never skip foreplay.
S2 is female psychology 101 about why her “Last Minute Resistance” to sex comes up.
The reason: it feels like our First Minute Resistance to approaching.
She doesn’t want to be perceived as a slut. She wants to know you’re gonna stick around after sex. Not necessarily get married, but to know the option is hers.
Why Last Minute Resistance comes up.
So, S2 is all about empathy. It’s about not forcing the issue, or making her feel guilty, or logic-ing her to death about why she should have sex. It’s about agreeing with her, then trying again later until she feels comfortable.
The point’s to let her know you’re going to stick around after sex. And that the notion of “slut” is double-standard bullshit.
The best way to deal with LMR is preemptively, though. By hinting you’ll stick around sex throughout the comfort phase before the issue might come up later.
Finally, S3 is first time sex.
Giving her great sex.
It’s about being choosy who you have sex with. To have sex with someone you want to see again. If you’re polyamorous, she can be one of your girlfriends (and that means being upfront with her that you’re in a “dating” phase of your life, it does NOT mean sneaking around) or if you want one girlfriend, maybe she’s it.
The point is: practice up until S2. Only cross the line to S3 if you want to see her again.
See how comprehensive MM is? How flexible and adaptable it is?
IP: It does make sense.
Ren: Tell me about it!
8. MM Uses Routines AND Spontaneous Conversation
Routines are like a pianist learning a piece by Mozart or an actor learning his lines or a cook learning a recipe. You can focus on your delivery. Based on that foundation you can make up your own stuff. We mix routines and spontaneous conversation all the time.
IP: But maybe his style is useful for beginners who need specific words, stories, questions to get conversations going and to transition into more interesting interactions.
Routines are useful only if they’re unique to you. Ultimately, I think everyone should cultivate their ability for spontaneous communication in the moment.
Ren: I’ve been practicing pickup for awhile. I still use MM, routines, AND spontaneous together.
You’re not saying you’re above routines, are you? That it’s only for beginners? Because all of us rely on routines everyday.
When we say “Hi, how are you” or “thank-you” those are routines. When we tell the story about “why I chose to live in the state of Maine” again because we’ve polished it and we know it works, that’s a routine. Comedians use routines, too.
Then we can build on that foundation of a routine to make up our own stuff. But we always use routines and spontaneous communication together.
I also like routines because it teaches you to tell a story so well that you bring out your personality. You get to concentrate on your delivery like an actor. You can concentrate on your body language, your facial expression, your tone. The emotional communication.
Pickup is a performance art. It’s a way to become your best self. MM gives you the tools to do this.
HAVE YOU TRIED MM?
Ren: Now, I’ve gotta ask. Have you even tried MM out, or is everything you know about it hearsay?
Ren: Introverted Playboy? Hello?
The Mystery Method isn’t obsolete. It’s a message that originated in marketing to compete with Mystery. They had to knock him down to make themselves look better. Some guys bought into this and seem to use it as an excuse not to try it at all. Instead of taking the time to understand MM, they ignore the treasure trove that’s in it.
Worse, those who who’ve bought into the intellectual masturbation around the messages probably haven’t even tried it. They prefer direct, one-on-one day game because it’s safer.
Another theme behind this message: there are no universals, everything is a free-for-all. That was the same argument the sophists had put forth in ancient Athens: there’s no truth, everything is relative. It confused the Athenians then, it confuses guys today.
The obsession with the newest, shiniest thing is not unlike claiming there are no objective standards. Of course there’s room for change. But without standards or fundamentals you’ve got no basis to build on.
Even in Einstein’s theory of relativity, there are universals. Without the universal of the speed of light, the relativity of time and space doesn’t work.
There are universals underlying game, and there are fundamentals. That’s what the Mystery Method is about. The fundamentals. It’s not the be-all and end-all. It’s like the beginning-middle-ending structure story-tellers use to tell stories.
The structure’s flexible and there’s lots of room for invention. In fact, it’s structure that frees an artist to invent. Much of the new developments in pickup are possible because of the foundation MM laid down.
Rather than talk about it, try it. You’ll see for yourself.
The Mystery Method isn’t obsolete, because it’s about the fundamentals.
Robert Cialdini… professor of psychology… had a fascinating discovery.
Robert Cialdini with his fantastic book “Influence”
We use shortcuts to make decisions. We NEED them cause we’re so bombarded with choices. Especially when it comes to buying things.
That’s the reason he wrote the book. He was SICK of getting duped by marketing. He wanted to figure out what they were doing. How they were INFLUENCING his psychology.
Well, he found marketers used six basic weapons. And these weapons made him WANT buy. As you can guess… even though the book’s about defending yourself from marketers… you can apply these same six weapons to make yourself more attractive to women. That is, if you’ve got a lot of value to offer a woman, but don’t know how to market it.
Let’s check out em out, shall we?
WEAPON #1. Reciprocation.
Give a little, she’ll give a little. Reciprocation. By the way, why couldn’t the people in this picture take their shoes off?
A professor did this experiment: he sent Christmas cards to STRANGERS. He was amazed by the response.
Holiday cards addressed to him from STRANGERS came pouring in. CLIK, WHIRR. Automatically, when these people received something, they wanted to reciprocate. We always want to repay in kind what someone else has provides us.
>>>PICKUP TRANSLATION: Give value first. Don’t open a girl by bombarding her with questions. That takes value from her. Instead, give something of value.
What do I mean by “value”? Benefit. That is, something she can use.
For example, a personality test that lets her learn something about herself. Laughter where she feels feelings of euphoria. Demonstration of social status where if she’s associated with you, her social status will rise. Give her something she can use. That benefits her. She’ll wanna reciprocate and take and interest in you.
So, if you want to learn about a woman don’t start by asking her lots of questions. Self-disclose, but in terms of HER. She’ll feel more comfortable self-disclosing and giving back to you.
WEAPON #2. Commitment and Consistency.
Don’t ask her to give you the whole store. She’ll say no. Ask her to give you small bits and pieces. That’ll get her in the habit of saying yes.
A psychologist staged two different thefts on a bench in NYC. In the first, a guy steals another guy’s radio. 4 out of 20 people stopped the guy who played the thief.
In the second, the guy who owned the radio asked a stranger to watch his radio while he left for 20 minutes. 19 out of 20 people stopped the guy who played the thief.
Why the difference?
The stranger in the second example made a commitment and wanted to be consistent with it. In other words, he made an investment. He complied with the researcher’s request. Once he did that, he didn’t want to appear inconsistent. So, he tried to be a man of his word. He was consistent for good reason.
The only danger with this weapon becomes when we’re AUTOMATICALLY consistent. For example, when we make a commitment to a bad investment. And our pride’s so wrapped up in it, we stick with the loser. To disastrous results.
Like a guy investing in a bum stock. That’s the commitment, or the investment. But all signs show it’s a loser. Does he cut the loser? No, he has to stay “consistent.” Not paying attention to all the red flags. And loses all his money.
When we make a choice, we want to stick by it… even if it might be wrong. There’s something deep in us that drives us… almost obsessively… to appear consistent with what we’ve already done. As Leonardo Da Vinci once said: “It’s easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.”
>>>PICKUP TRANSLATION: Ask her to do something small for you. A small investment. A small compliance request. If you get her saying yes in the beginning, she’ll more likely keep complying.
Perfect example: qualify her. That gets her investing. The more she has to work for you, the more she’s invested in you.
Or, ask her to hold your drink for a sec. Or, ask her to drive to your house. Again, the more you have her invest and work, the more invested in you she’ll be. And she’ll want to be consistent with that.
So, get her saying yes to an “investment” right away. That is, give value to you, yes. But right after, have HER give value. Don’t do all the giving. Have her talk.
Ask for a large compliance request… like a phone number or sex… she’ll say no. She’ll most likely commit to saying “no” to you.But ask for a small compliance request… like a qualifier… she’ll more likely comply. If for no other reason than not to be rude. That’s okay. Have her saying “yes” and she’ll likely commit to saying “yes.”
WEAPON #3. Social Proof.
When people are uncertain, they look at what others are doing. If you’re surrounded by women… and other people… she’ll want you, too.
Here’s another crazy one. Laugh tracks. We all know the canned laughter’s canned. Why do TV execs still use em? Cause the research says they work. The question isn’t why do the execs use it. The question is why do laugh tracks work so well on us even though we know it’s fake?
Because of a third powerful weapon of influence: social proof. That is, we determine what’s correct by finding out what other people think is correct.
There’s an old adage in sales that goes: “95% of people are imitators and 5% of people are initiators. People are persuaded more by the actions of others than by any proof we can offer.”
Laugh tracks are a short-cut to making decisions. We react automatically to partial evidence.
Other examples: baristas putting cash in a tip jar to lure customers in tipping them. Imagine seeing an empty tip jar vs. a partially full one. You’d probably more likely be attracted to tip the partially filled one. Church ushers do the same thing.
Or: night clubs will make sure to have a long line at the door even though the club’s empty inside. Why? To give the appearance this is the place to be.
Or: advertisers use words like “fastest-growing” or “largest-selling.” It’s not about the quality of the product. But how many people are buying it.
The funny thing is we CAN make less mistakes by seeing what other people are doing. The only danger is when we open ourselves to deceit and lies if we don’t look for the FULL evidence… the reality… and think for ourselves.
>>>PICKUP TRANSLATION: Enter a location with women. Instant social proof. If women surround you and look like they like you, other women will think there’s something to you.
If women see others react positively to you, they’ll automatically react positively to you when you approach them. Social proof is one of the most powerful weapons you have in your pickup arsenal. Women want a guy other women want.
WEAPON #4. Liking.
A sincere smile, and a positive energy, makes you more likable. And attractive.
There’s a car salesman in the Guinness Book of World Records named Joe Girard. He makes $200 million a year, averaging 5 cars sold per day he works. When asked what his secret was, he said it was simple: giving em a fair price and a salesman they LIKE. When a person likes you, they’re more likely to comply with you.
But how do you get a person to like you?
According to Cialdini 5 basic things:
Physical attractiveness: There seems to be a “click, whirr” response to good-looking people. They seem to have an advantage in social interaction. Social scientists call it the “halo effect.” Just by being good-looking we’ll assume the person’s kind, smart, honest, talented (even if they’re not).
Similarity: We like people that are similar to us. Whether the similarity is opinion, personality traits, background, or lifestyle. We’re like: “he’s like me. I like him.” So, you’d be more willing to comply with him.
Compliments: One tactic Joe Girard employed was sending a card to his customers each month with a holiday greeting. All it would say on the front is “I like you.” Do you think that such an impersonal statement from a guy who sells cars would work? Oh yeah. We’re all suckers for flattery. Making a person feel good about themselves, and making them feel liked… they’re more likely to like you in return.
Familiarity: The more times you see someone, the more you like him. Because he’s become familiar. We like comfortable. Safe. Familiar. It’s like home. We like the feeling of familiarity. Of home.
Positive association: If you’re constantly giving bad news or talking about how awful something is, you’ll associate yourself with negative feelings. People will associate the negative with you. And because they dislike the negative stuff, they’ll dislike you. However, if you’re giving good news, bringing good feelings, people will associate the positive with you. And like you. It’s not YOU they like or dislike. It’s the feeling they feel when they’re around you they like or dislike. Weird, right?
Physical attractiveness: Groom. Shower. Smell good. Clean breath. White teeth. Exercise. Eat clean. Clean, stylin’ clothes that fit. Good haircut. Erect posture. Strong eye contact. Smile. Doesn’t matter what your genes are, you can make yourself better looking. And more likable on your approach.
Similarity: Look for “me too” moments. If she’s into dogs, and you like dogs, that’s a “me too” moment. Say “me too!” Obviously say this only if it’s true. But find similarities. When you do, she’s more likely to “like” you. Can’t emphasis enough that it’s gotta be honest. Bullshit “me too”s come off as bull-shit, kiss-ass and try-hard. Honest “me too”s only.
Compliments: Open with this: “You guys looked kinda cool, so I thought I’d come over and see what you were like.” Compliments attract. From there call out anything positive you see about her. Again, can’t emphasize enough how much bullshitting doesn’t work. Everyone can smell it a mile away. Compliment, but honestly. One great way to do this? Use specifics and insights. The more details you use (ex: “I like the way the blue matches your eyes”), the more honest it is.
Familiarity: After you approach, leave within a minute or so: “Great meeting you.” When you run into her again, you’re now a familiar face. The more familiar your face becomes to her, the more likable you’ll be.
Positive Association: Always have a positive attitude. No complaining. No talking bad about people (including your ex-girlfriend). Smile. Talk about things that light you up. Be enthusiastic and passionate about whatever you’re talking about. She’ll associate those positive feelings with you, and will want to be around them… and you… more.
WEAPON #5. Authority.
Act like a man of high status. She’s more likely to give you her attention and trust.
There was a TV commercial selling caffeine-free coffee named “Sanka.” Highly successful. Why? Because actor Robert Young counseled Americans on the dangers of caffeine. He recommended decaffeinated coffee. Why would people listen to a mere actor?
Because he used to play a doctor on TV. In the minds of the America public he was Marcus Welby, M.D. And he sold Sanka like crazy.
Here’s another one. A physician once administered ear drops for a patient’s infected right ear. Instead of writing “right ear” on the prescription he wrote “place in R ear.” The highly-trained duty nurse put the number of ear drops into the patient’s anus. Neither patient nor nurse questioned it. The doctor had spoken.
Last one. In 1987, a guy named S. Brian Wilson and friends laid across railroad tracks. They were protesting the U.S. shipping military weapons to Nicaragua. They were confident this would stop the train.
But the Navy had found out about these guys and ordered the crew not to stop. So, they didn’t. 2 of the protesters got away. Brian Wilson didn’t. He had both legs cut below the knee.
However insane the orders, the crew obeyed.
There’s a deep-seated sense of duty to authority within us all. We comply to the wishes of authority even when it makes no sense to do so. We obey in a click, whirr fashion. Authority gives us a shortcut for how to act. Why do we obey authority even when it makes no sense to do so?
First of all, we’ve been trained from BIRTH to obey authority. Parents, school, government, church, jobs train us to submit to authority. When we obey, we’re rewarded. When we disobey, we’re punished. So, it’s in our best interest to obey authority.
Second of all, authority figures often have access to information and power we don’t always have. We CAN learn from them. We CAN learn from teachers wiser than us. And in fact, we’ve often found obeying them DOES lead to appropriate action. So, we form habits to automatically, blindly obey authority.
Third of all, it’s practical to have an authority figure. Authority figures have an advantage for society. They prevent anarchy and chaos. They give us social order. Can you imagine an airplane flying without a pilot? So, there’s a real value to having an authority figure.
Problem is when obeying authority becomes too much of a convenience. Too much of a shortcut in making decisions. We automatically obey. It’s nice, comfortable. We don’t have to think, so we don’t. Thinking takes work. Reacting, being led… much easier.
It’s the mindless obedience that’s paradoxical and dangerous. Authority figures make mistakes. Authority figures sometimes aren’t even really authority figures. Yes, there are advantages to listening to an authority figure. But without thinking, we open ourselves to harm. Whether harming ourselves or others.
Cialdini saw three ways we people automatically assume someone’s got status and authority… without thinking about it, and even if they’re not authority figures. They are: titles, trappings, and clothes.
Titles: Titles like doctor, lawyer, professor. They’re the hardest symbols to get. But the easiest ones to fake. Actors can adopt the mere label and get automatic respect.
Clothes: Certain clothing automatically trigger authority. Expensive clothes carries an aura of status as do uniforms. Look at the uniforms of police, priests, doctors and then the well-tailored suits of successful businessmen. Like titles, these can also be faked, yet trigger automatic deference. Check out this experiment. A guy had asked passersby on a street to pickup some trash. Dressed in street clothes, half the people complied. When he wore a security guard uniform, EVERY person complied.
Trappings: Status symbols like jewelry and cars can give you an aura of authority and status, too. In another experiment, scientists discovered people would wait much longer to honk at a new, luxury car than at an old, economy car. The mere exterior appearance triggered automatic respect.
>>>PICKUP TRANSLATION: High status attracts women in a click, whirr fashion. Much like a great ass attracts us. Here are some ideas how we can translate this into pickup. This list isn’t exhaustive.
Titles: If you don’t have a “status” job, answer “What do you do?” questions in a way that showcases your passion or how you help others. And in your life, actually make that happen. Shifting from the “consumer” mind-frame to the “person who meets needs” mind-frame, you naturally increase your status. Also, when you tell stories from your past, make sure you showcase your positive traits rather than negative traits. The five attraction switches are useful here. (For more on that check out my article on DHV here.)
Clothes: Do NOT dress like everyone else. Dress to stand-out. Like you own the place. Like you’re high-status. Dress for success.
Trappings: I don’t recommend having trappings just to attract women. The “douche bags” are the ones who brag about their new car, their yacht, their bankroll. If you’d like to get a new car, go for it. But don’t brag about it. Then when she gets in, yeah, she probably will be impressed. Whatever. Even better than trappings, adopt high-status body language. For example: Erect posture. Lean back, don’t lean in. Willing to walk away. Strong eye contact. Smile. Lift others up.
WEAPON #6. Scarcity.
Don’t give her the store, either. Add a little veil, she’ll want to see what’s behind it.
This one’s crazy. Dade County in Florida (containing Miami) had passed an ordinance against having any phosphate cleaning products. Suddenly there was this craze for phosphate cleaning products. Miamians turned to smuggling… what seems to be a Miami tradition. There were “soap caravans.” There was hoarding. Some families had twenty-year supplies of phosphate cleaners.
Not only that… because we want what we can no longer have… Miamians came to see phosphate cleaners as gentler, more effective in cold water, better fresheners, tougher on stains. It’s as if to make sense of their desire for something, they assigned positive attributes to it to justify the desire. (p. 251)
Compare this to the residents of Tampa, where phosphate cleaners were allowed. There was no hoarding, no smuggling, no obsessive craze. They saw phosphate detergents for what they were. That they clean, whiten, and pour no better after they’re banned than before.
Here’s another one. Child psychologists had done an experiment on two-year-old boys. They put two attractive toys in two different rooms. In one room one of the toys was behind a short plexiglass. A boy could get the toy easily. In the other it was behind a tall plexiglass. A boy couldn’t get the toy at all.
Well, you can probably guess the results. In the room with the short plexiglass, the boys showed no preference for one toy over the other. But in the room when the barrier was large enough to be an obstacle, the boys went directly for the obstructed toy. They went to the blocked toy three times faster than the unblocked toy.
The Romeo and Juliet story is a third example. Why did they want each other so much that they both committed suicide? Was it their love was so perfect? Or was their passion due to the barriers their families erected against them? My guess is the BARRIERS fueled their heat. Without those, it probably would’ve been your standard teenage puppy love. Yes, I know it’s fiction.
But the point remains. If there’s the possibility we can lose something or we can’t have it, we want it more. When we get it, the want… and romantic feelings… cool. Barriers, and fear of loss, make us want things more.
Marketers and sales people use this technique on us all the time:
“There’s only five left! Get yours before supplies run out!”
“If you don’t buy in the next three days, it’ll be gone forever!”
“You can make great profits, but you’ve lost the opportunity to invest. Wait hold on! There’s one last chance to invest. Do it now before you lose this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity… forever!”
Most of the time the scarcity weapon they use on us is bullshit. They say it to manipulate us into buying without thinking. They rush us, we don’t think, and we often end up with buyer’s remorse. But there’s something psychological happening here that makes us fall for this. What is it?
When something is gone, or it’s about to go, it creates a want in us. Suddenly it has value. It’s attractive. We’re more motivated by what we can lose than by what we can gain.
For example, health researchers found they got young women to check for breast cancer MORE when they said: “You can lose these health benefits if you don’t a self-exam.” Than when they said: “You can gain these health benefits if you do a self-exam.” (p. 239)
Loss motivates us more than gain. Weird, right? And scarcity’s all about the potential of loss.
There’s another reason scarcity works so well on us. It’s a shortcut to thinking. But instead of “click, whir” it’s “click blur” (p. 243). Scarcity allows us to make a decision about the quality of something without taking the time to examine it. How? Cialdini cites two very interesting theories.
First, scarcity CAN BE a legitimate short-cut to thinking. Things that are hard to get and are rare and are about to become extinct are typically better than those that are easy to get (p. 244). So, the availability of something helps us decide on the quality of something. It can help us to make the right decision.
The second reason is a little more subtle, but still super fascinating. Psychologist Jack Brehm developed a theory called “reactance theory” to explain why scarcity works so well on us. According to the theory, we DESPISE losing freedoms we already have. When free choice is limited or it’s threatened, we react. We fight against the restriction of freedom to keep that freedom.
A great example is one that happened to Cialdini.
He had this beautiful Mormon temple down the street from him. He had heard how beautiful it was inside, but he never had any interest in visiting. He had freedom of access. He knew he had that freedom, so he almost took it for granted.
Then one day he read in the newspaper that renovations had been done to it. Usually Mormons never allow the public to see it, but now for three days they were giving access to the public. Then access would be shut down forever.
Suddenly Cialdini was calling up friends to see if they’d go with him to visit.
His friends were like “Why are you so interested in going?” He didn’t have a good answer until he realized the article had used the scarcity weapon and made him want to go. Why?
According to the “reactance” theory, he was fighting against losing that freedom to see the Temple anytime he wanted. In other words, he was reacting against the interference. That “fighting” stance put a fire in his ass to want to see something he had no interest in seeing before.
So, there’s a legitimate reason why scarcity works. The problem comes when it’s used as bullshit. When it’s used to manipulate us for something we really don’t need. When we get swindled out of our life’s savings… which has happened to people. The inoculation: Thinking before acting… and being aware of the weapon.
>>>PICKUP TRANSLATION: I’m advocating this weapon only to make yourself more attractive to women. It works. But don’t use it just to take from a woman, and leave her with buyer’s remorse. Always leave women better off than you found them.
With that said, if you are to use this weapon ETHICALLY, how do you use it? Be a little bit hard to get. A challenge. Here’s some ideas how:
1. Time constraint: When you approach, let the group know you’re not going to be there long. That you’re on your way out. “I’ve just got a sec…” Your body language can also be a time constraint, too. If your feet are pointing towards the way out… It’s strange and magical, but by being about to leave, it makes people want you to stick around more.
2. Actually leave: In fact, when you approach, you can even actually leave after a minute or two. “Well, it was a pleasure meeting you” and leave. You need nothing from them, just being friendly. Leaving makes you more scarce, more valuable, more attractive. So, give em a taste of something great, but don’t give em everything. That “taste” puts a want in people for more of you.
3. Banter or neg: THE greatest weapon for creating instant attraction. You push her away. You play-fight. There’s conflict, challenge. And scarcity. I wrote a whole article about this called “Flirting.”
4. Make your purpose #1, not women: If you make a woman “the sun” you become like a planet revolving around her. When you make a higher purpose #1, you become the sun. Naturally you become scarce, not always available, and more valuable. Have your own life. Make helping others your priority, not “impressing” women. It’s one of THE most attractive things you can do.
So, those are the six weapons of influence marketers use to get us to buy stuff. Again, we can use them to make ourselves more attractive to women, and stand out from the blur of men that hit on her. Becoming more attractive to women is really just marketing yourself better. For example:
Use RECIPROCATION by giving value first (rather than taking value first, i.e. asking a bunch of questions at the start, giving value, i.e. a personality test or laughter).
Use COMMITMENT AND CONSISTENCY by qualifying, and having her invest in the interaction.
Use SOCIAL PROOF by being friendly to everyone, being seen with women, and seeing that there’s an abundance of women out there (which is the case) rather than a scarcity.
Use LIKING by having a positive outlook, having a clean appearance, finding commonalities, looking for the best in people, and appreciating them.
Use AUTHORITY by acting like a high-status male. That is, being someone who gives value to the world rather than someone who leeches it from others.
Use SCARCITY by bantering, being hard to get, and making your life’s purpose and passion… again, usually involves helping others… more important than getting women.
When it comes down to it, the six weapons applied to women are about being a man of value. But saying that is so vague it doesn’t help you in the real world. That’s why it’s great to keep the six weapons in mind. They’re six ways you can show women outwardly the value you have inside you.
Qualification is so important it’s not even funny.
Tell me if you’ve ever been in this situation. You’ve got a girl giggling, she’s facing you, and she’s touching your arm. She’s attracted to you. And you’re panicked.
WHAT DO I DO NOW?
I’ll tell you what I’ve done in the past.
Self-conscious. “Holy shit, she’s actually attracted to me? But I’m not really that attractive. What if I screw things up?” All of a sudden I’d feel my body getting all stilted and unnatural, and guess what? She’d lose interest in me. And I’d kick myself in the ass for being such a loser.
PSYCHED! “She likes me? Nice! Might as well show my interest in her, too.” And I’d say something like “I like you a lot, too. Let’s get together.” She’d STILL lose interest in me. And I’d be scratching my head. What did I do wrong this time?
Well, I’ll tell you what went wrong. I stopped being any sort of a challenge. When in doubt, if you’ve ever got a girl’s interest… or you’ve been doing good and don’t know what to do next, here’s what to do:
Once again, it was Mystery that I learned this all-important piece of wisdom from.
Here’s the reason.
Women get attracted differently than we do. They’re attracted more to PERSONALITY. We’re attracted more to looks. As long as a woman is hot enough, she might do something silly, whatever, we’d still want to sleep with her.
Not so with women.
If you make some social goof-up, let’s say you wear white socks with black shoes, often she’ll lose attraction for you. She’ll be like “what’s wrong with him?” Or, “what’s that say about him?” Or, “God, he must have really low social status.” Looks aren’t #1 for them like they are for us.
So, let’s say you’ve attracted her by being a bit of a challenge. For God’s sakes, don’t stop! Keep being a bit of a challenge. How?
The reason goes even deeper than that.
Attraction is a two way street. You’ve worked to attract her. Well, your job is only half done. Now, she’s got to work to attract YOU.
Let her do some of the work.
Showing your interest in her because she’s showing interest in you is NOT a legitimate reason for you to be interested in her, according to her.
Because it took absolutely ZERO effort on her part to get you. She’ll be like, “Well, that was easy. NEXT!” She wants to actually DO something personality-wise to EARN your attraction to her.
Well, qualification is the way.
It’s actually beautiful when you think about it. The second and third stages of the attract phase are very much brother and sister to each other. They’re mirror images.
First, I’ve got to get the woman attracted to me. Second, I’ve got to reveal I’m becoming more and more attracted to her for LEGITIMATE reasons.
Let me say that another way.
Mystery calls A2, when I get the woman attracted to me, “female to male attract.” The objective is to systematically trigger her 5 attraction switches by DHVing to her group of friends and negging, ie pushing away the target and pulling her in at the same time. The group is like “This guy is cool, funny, interesting.” And the girl is like “have my hot looks lost their super powers?”
Again, you’re a fun, interesting guy with cool topics of conversation. You’re full of good feelings, and… “wait a second,” your target says, “he’s giving me a little shit instead of being up my asshole? This is different.” Play A2 right, and she’ll show indicators of interest to you like asking your name, giggling, and all that great stuff.
It’s SUPER exciting when that happens. Belieeeeeeve me, I know. But my point is, stay cool.
All that good stuff begins A3. A3 is when the woman tries to get me attracted to her. Mystery calls it “male to female attract.” The objective is for you to encourage her… ENTICE her… to bring out the best in her, in such a way that when she DHVs to you, you can then reward her with indicators of interest of your own.
A2 and A3 are exact, perfect opposites. Attraction is a two way street. You DHV first. When she shows her attraction, get her to DHV to you. That way there’s mutual attraction based on SUBSTANCE. She’s earned your interest. It’s not because she’s interested in you.
After all, if you’re interested in her just because she’s interested in you, you leave yourself open to getting manipulated. She might think, “Oh, I see how this all works. If I act all interested in him, I’ve got him wrapped around my finger. I wonder how much I can get away with now.” Nooooooooo!
Even if she shows interest, still be a challenge. QUALIFY HER!
Getting sex from this unbelievably, incredibly hot woman must NOT be #1. You’ve got standards. Who is she as a person? She’s gotta earn your interest based on whether she’s got good substance or not. She’s gotta pass YOUR tests.
That way she’s not just being handed a fish (i.e. your interest in her) for free, but she’s WORKED to reel it in. She’s earned your interest. She’ll value it more that way. People simply don’t value free shit.
There’s an even deeper reason to qualify. And I learned this from a fantastic book called “Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants,” by Elliott Katz. Highly recommended.
Katz observed that we human beings tend to love the people we give to, more than love the people we receive from.
The more you give, for example the more you DHV, DHV, DHV, the more your interest in your target grows. But not necessarily does her interest grow for you. You get more and more invested. But not necessarily does she get more invested.
Well, it’s the exact same thing the other way around. If she can DHV, DHV, DHV to you, the more her interest in you grows. And the more she gets invested.
Sit back and let her DHV for you. And of course, appreciate her afterwards.
The giving has gotta be mutual.
You can see this with parents. They give and give to their children. But if the children don’t give back, they’ll often resent their parents, take them for granted, or get really spoiled.
And how many times have you seen guys give and give to their woman, pay for all the things she wanted… and wonder why she’s still unhappy?
We guys want to be givers and providers. Believe me, I understand. I’m the same way.
But we’ve got to learn how to let her give to us, too. Not so that we can become takers. But to let her feelings of love grow for us.
And the really gorgeous thing is when she does something for me, I can then show appreciation to her. It ain’t gonna be bullshit appreciation. That’s for sure. Cause she’s actually done something. It’s gonna be SINCERE appreciation.
It’s such an important point, and one I’ve got to remember myself.
Recently, I left my girl a rose and a card while she was sleeping. She’s incredible, and I wanted her to know how much I appreciated her. She woke up the next morning and wrote me this lovely note in return. I was taken aback at first. It reminded me how important it is not just to give, but to receive, too.
So, qualification extends into relationships, too.
It’s okay to ask her to do stuff for you. It’s okay if she buys you a drink. It’s okay if she drives to your place. It’s okay to have her help you with your passion and life’s deepest purpose in some way. It’s okay to tell her to suck your dick.
As long as you give too, there’s nothing wrong with telling her what to do so she can give to you. In fact, make sure to do this. Her doing shit for you increases her attraction for you.
It’s weird how that works, right?
Once again, it’s NOT the more I give to a person, the more they’ll love me. It’s the other way around. We develop feelings of love to the one we’re giving to.
So, even if a girl doesn’t like a guy, just by doing things for him, good feelings towards him will grow. “I must really like this guy,” she might say. She’s investing, she’s gotta backwards rationalize it someway.
A2 is all about you giving. A3 is about receiving. Or, letting her give to you. Once she does, THEN you can state your interest and show appreciation. And now, it’s safe to hit on her.
Qualification is really the art of the compliment.
Moral of all this? Next time she shows interest in you, QUALIFY HER! Like her for LEGITIMATE reasons.
She works. She comes to you. Now you can show interest. Magically, her interest in you will grow, too.
Here’s some qualifiers you can use.
“Name me three qualities that would make me want to get to know you more than just a hole in the wall.”
“What have you got going for you besides your looks?”
“Look around you, beauty is common. But what’s more important is a positive outlook, a desire to always grow as a person, and integrity. What are some things about you that would make me want to get to know you better?”
“If you could do anything in the world with no chance of failure, what would you want to be? And don’t say princess.”
“Are you adventurous?”
“Are you a passionate person?”
“Can you cook?”
“Who are you?”
Once she says something of interest you can be like, “No WAY! That’s awesome.”
Make her feel like you like her for legitimate reasons.
Here’s some simple ones.
“What’s your favorite incense?… Oh I love Jasmine!”
“What’s your favorite food?”
“What’s your favorite place to visit? Or, if you you could wake up anywhere in the world, where would it be?”
“What DVD would you pop in to have as comfort food for when you’re feeling down?”
“If I were to turn on your iPod, what song would I find playing right now? You listen to Tool? I love Tool. Get your ass over here. *Hug* Now get off me. *Release*”
And notice these questions aren’t philosophical or intellectual. The simple ones are tangible, not abstract. But all of em are EMOTIONAL. Keep it emotional. Get her FEELING what you’re feeling. Enthusiasm. Excitement. Interest.
After you qualify, and she’s said something of interest… NOW you can show your interest.
“Are you single?”
“Wow, you’re pretty cool. We should continue this.”
“Oh, I like this one!”
“Oh my God, you’re a dancer? That is so awesome. I can’t even talk to you right now.”
“You know what? You seem pretty cool. I’m curious about you.”
“We have to hang out again sometime!”
“That’s it, we’re getting married. We’ll fly to Vegas tomorrow. I’ll dress you up as Catwoman, and I’ll be Batman. It’ll be awesome.”
“You have a great energy and such an expressive personality. I admire that.”
Notice these statements have NOTHING to do with her looks. They’re about her personality. Compliment her looks when you get to the bedroom. Before then, focus on her qualities as a human being.
Anyway, all those statements above are called an “SOI” or Statement of Interest. It closes A3 and the attract phase. And it automatically moves you into comfort.
I just want to add one point to all this.
Mystery normally recommends waiting to receive three IOIs (indicators of interest) before qualifying.
If I know I’ve negged or bantered with my target, and I’ve DHVed to the group and their response is positive, I take those as IOIs enough. I cut to qualification right away. I DON’T wait. Otherwise I’ve gotten stuck in DHV land. Not a good place to be.
Whenever I qualify, I always feel this lovely shift in the conversation. It gets deeper. A connection is happening. Qualification is the perfect bridge to creating an emotional connection with her.
Okay, here’s what you can do right now.
1. Pick ONE qualifier you like a lot. Only one. You don’t want a lot swimming in your head. That gets confusing and it paralyzes you. Just pick ONE. Either from the ones I listed here, or from “My Routines Collection.”
2. Memorize it and practice it in the mirror. Now you’ve got it in your back pocket ready to go.
3. Create a stack or script. This stack should include: an opener, a neg/banter line, a DHV, your qualifier, and a statement of interest like “Are you single?”
4. Practice your stack on 10 sets in one night. You don’t have to wait to get interest from a girl to qualify her. You can do it right after you neg/banter and DHV.
5. Once that qualifier feels like it’s in your bones, you can learn a new qualifier. And repeat the process.
Now, you know. Next time you get any interest from a girl… or you don’t know what to do next… QUALIFY HER!
Your success rate will skyrocket. Guaranteed.
Remember, game’s not over when you get a look like this from her. Keep up the challenge: QUALIFY HER. Then appreciate her afterwards. She’ll want to get to know you better, too.
“There is no conversation more boring than the one where everybody agrees.” – Michel de Montaigne, French philosopher and inventor of the essay 1533 – 1592 , From: “On The Art of Conversation”
“Challenge, and not desire, lies at the heart of seduction.” – Jean Baudrillard, French postmodern philosopher 1929 – 2007, From: “Seduction”
“We pursue that which retreats from us.” – Tao of Steve
Wanna know how to attract the hottest women RIGHT AWAY?
WOW! The way to attract them? Negs make you stand out from the blur of guys hitting on her. Photo credit: fraspi.tumblr.com
Negs are THE tool.
Unfortunately, it’s one of Mystery’s most misunderstood concepts… especially by women. They think it’s about being mean to women.
NOT AT ALL.
Women can sometimes act like a bitch to us when we approach them. They’ll act like we’re beneath them. It doesn’t mean she’s actually a bitch. Chances are she’s sick of all the guys approaching her… and the WAY guys approach her.
So, she’s developed a mechanism to swat them away. A shortcut, so she doesn’t even have to think about it.
Hey, and you’re right. Sometimes it makes her feel superior, too.
Whatever the reason, unfortunately for us, often she assumes the worst about us before she’s even gotten a chance to know us.
Listen to me, and listen to me good. DON’T TAKE HER SHIT. But do this in a gentlemanly way.
Negs are that way.
Look, for us guys who just want to get to know her, the question is: How do I get through this knee-jerk response girls have, so I can talk with her?
The solution isn’t to insult her: “God! You’re such a goddam bitch!” That’s not going to get us anywhere.
The solution isn’t to bump and grind her on the dance floor hoping that will somehow make her wanna have sex with us.
You laugh, but you’d be surprised how many guys bump and grind girls. Not once have I seen this work to attract women.
The solution isn’t to stand there staring at her and creeping her out.
And the solution isn’t to kiss her ass: “Oh my God, you’re so beautiful. Can I buy you a drink?” How many times has she heard that one?
Girls often don’t even bring money with them when they go out. ‘Cause they expect guys to buy them drinks. Then they ditch ’em. Why would these guys think such a FANTASTICAL cliche as buying her a drink would spark any interest from her?
Mystery’s solution was simple and brilliant. The neg.
Turn the tables on her. Play her own game on herself. It’s like a double bind.
It’s like when Jesus said “Those of you without sin cast the first stone.” He didn’t condemn them for wanting to stone the woman who committed adultery. He simply used their concept of stoning for sinning on them. The result?
Jesus uses the stoners’ “game” on themselves. Negs do a similar thing.
They put away their stones.
Similarly, using her own “bitch shield” on herself cancels it out. How can she use it on us when we’re already using it on her… in a playful way? It ceases to function.
And it’s so DIFFERENT that it distinguishes you from the swarm of guys who use those other lame tactics.
Best of all, it allows her to finally see us as a human being, so we can talk.
That’s it. That’s all a neg is.
If a woman is hurt by a neg or if she’s not smiling and laughing, then a guy isn’t negging correctly. He’s probably being straight out mean. A neg should make a woman laugh, smile, or at least feel ENGAGED.
Here’s another way of looking at negs. They’re just good old fashioned flirting.
Two lion cubs play fighting. That’s all negging is.
Flirting is play fighting. Stuff’s been around forever. Mystery just gave it a name.
Emphasis on PLAY. Neg is PRETEND “fighting.”
Fighting, because like Montaigne said, if everyone is agreeable, it’s boring.
Negative, because a little playful negative reinforcement and a little SPANK yanks snobbery off its high horse.
If you get bad behavior, a playful spank says no. Don’t accept third class behavior. You’re entitled to being treated well.
Conflict, because a little playful challenge shows you don’t stand for bad behavior just because she has a pretty exterior and has on lots of fake makeup.
This is an important point. Negs take a woman off her pedestal so you can interact with her from a place of mutual respect.
Here’s one last way of looking at negs.
Think about a cat. You approach a cat to pet her, and she snuffs you. But you snuff her and all of a sudden she wants your attention. That’s what a neg is. Let her come to you. It’s not to be mean. It’s ultimately to pet the cat.
Or think about fishing. The struggle of reeling in a fish is way more fun than just being handed a fish. Negs are that extra element of a fun struggle.
We pursue that which retreats from us after all. Negs present you as a dominate MAN. A fun challenge.
Negs create mucho sexual tension INSTANTLY.
You know what? Let me just let Mystery explain it in his own words.
Mystery. Photo Credit: Center spread of “Saturday Night” Magazine, July 2004
After listening to him, you’ll understand exactly HOW to do it.
I just want to say one more thing about negs before I have Mystery come in.
He invented the concept from PRACTICE and RESULTS. NOT from a journey into Speculation Fantasy-Land. You can argue the moralism about them till you’re blue in the face. The fact is, done with a good heart, they WORK. They work to disable her “bitchiness” so she feels INTEREST enough to talk to us human being to human being.
So, without delaying any further, here’s Mystery. Oh, and for those unfamiliar with PUA (“pickup artist”) lingo, he uses an acronym HB. It means “Hot Babe”:
February 18th, 2005, posted in FastSeduction.com
“Neg Theory” by Mystery
An HB is there, surrounded by her friends. She has put on this BITCH act. Is she REALLY a bitch? Unlikely. All my girlfriends were wonderful human beings. Beautiful people have it easier because they are beautiful and often times have better upbringings because of it.
BUT – she needs to have a standard when all these NOBODY guys approach her. So her values are very honed and understood. When a man walks up and says, “Can I buy you a beer” this WILL annoy her. While the guy thinks he’s doing something nice for her, she gets this ALL the time. She is desensitized to this. You are the 8th guy TODAY!
So she is very good at brushing all these guys off. She HAS to be… she isn’t going to sleep with ALL of them! So she may say NO, or act annoyed, and then the guy thinks she’s a bitch and he walks off pissed and feeling like a failure. And that seems to work. Sometimes when the girl is particularly in a feeling of control (like in a club where she is PREPARED for the barrage of men – it IS after all something that occurs so often that when it is GONE she MISSES it) she will accept the beer and then flake the guy off. Hey, the guys are stupid enough to buy her one; she might as well take it.
When she accepts a beer from you, the girl is saying to you, “I don’t know you and I don’t care about you. You are just another one of those typical guys and since I don’t respect you, I’ll take the beer from you before I snub you.” Since an HB is so GOOD at snuffing your approach, SNUFFING THEM is important. You CANNOT INSULT them, because they are used to all the hurt guys INSULTING them (“ahh you are nothing but a bitch!”) so this rolls off their back like water off a muskrat’s ass.
How do you SNUFF them WITHOUT INSULTING them? Well, let’s say she has long nails which are most likely fake. Now why do 10s dress so FINE if they don’t want the attention? Sometimes they LOVE the feeling of control. They are in a club with friends and they want to be the leader of the circle (social hierarchy in primates) and so she gets all the attention. The guys come and buy drinks for them and she gets off on knocking the guys down. It’s all in a days play. Ok, so she is wearing fake nails to look even BETTER! Most guys will say, “Wow you are so beautiful!” BORING, typical and in her mind by now, TRUE.
Imagine now, a guy comes along and says “Nice nails. Are they real?” She will have to concede, “No, acrylic.” And he says (like he didn’t notice it was a put down), “Oh. (Pause) well I guess they still LOOK good.” Then he turns his back to her.
What does this do to her? Well, he didn’t treat her like shit and INSULT her. He complimented her, but the result was to target her insecurity. She thinks, “I’M HOT I’M BEAUTIFUL” – (especially in her current emotional state of control) – “but I didn’t win this guy over. I’M SO GOOD at this. I’ll just fix that little smear on my image that he has of me.”
Then you continue to show disinterest in her looks as you give her a neutral topic like the Elvis script. During this time, her intention is to get you to become like all the other guys so she can feel in control and snuff you.
Then you give her another NEG HIT like this: “Is that a hair piece? Well, its neat… what do you call this hairstyle? The waffle? :)” Smile and look at her to show her you are sincerely being funny and not insulting. You are pleasant but disinterested in her beauty.
This will intrigue her because she KNOWS guys. And this isn’t normal. You must have really high taste, or be used to girls, or be married or something. These questions make her CURIOUS. So this keeps happening and is known as FLIRTING. She gives you little Negs and these tests are qualifiers. You pass them by Negging her back. After all, you aren’t like the others showing interest. But…why?
To get control again, she says, “Will you buy me a drink?” Notice how she is trying to get you now! BUT, she only wants to sucker you in enough so she can SNUFF you. That is all she is about – this strategy is all she knows and it’s not working for you so she is trying to do damage control on the situation. But at the same time she doesn’t quite understand WHY you don’t think she’s “all that.” After all, her nails ARE fake.
You say, “Ahhh, that’s so funny … your nose wiggles when you speak……” – (pointing and being cute) – “look there it goes again … its so… quaint … hheeeee look.” She’ll say, “Ahhh, stoppp!” 🙂 *blush*. Now she is self-conscious and having her in this state is where you want her. You have, with 3 negs, successfully created INTEREST (curiosity) and removed her from her pedestal (removed her bitch shield.) You were humorous, you had a smile, you dress well, you are confident and everything she would want in a man.
You didn’t take her shit. OH…and when she asked you for a beer, you said, “No. I don’t buy girls drinks. But you can buy ME one.” You are qualifying HER now. If she buys you a beer, this is symbolic of her RESPECT for you.
If not, you say, “Pleasure meeting you” [NOT arcastically] and turn your back to her again. DON’T walk away, just turn your back. You are negging her again just when she thought she was negging YOU. That is teasing each other. That is the first step to flirting. This is all textbook psychology.
A NEG is a qualifier. The girl is FAILING to meet your high expectations.
It’s not an insult, just a judgment call on your part. The better looking the girl, the more aggressive you must be with using negs. A 10 can get 3 negs up front, while an 8 gets only 1 or 2 over a longer time. You CAN go overboard if they think you are BETTER than them. You can drop the self-esteem right from under them (just like most 10s do to guys) and this isn’t good. You have to get as close to the breaking point as you can without crossing the line. Once you have gotten her RIGHT THERE, you can start appreciating things about her (NEVER LOOKS.) There is a mutual RESPECT now. Something most guys never get from the girl.
This is how you remove a bitch shield. 3 negs ought to do it within 2 or 3 minutes of neutral chat. Once it is down, you can, from a place of mutual respect, seduce her.
Just to put to rest all the objections women tend to have against negs, and how guys can sometimes misuse them, I wanna take a female objection and respond to it.
The objection comes from Victoria Zdork, also known as Dr. Z.
Victoria Zdork, or “Dr. Z.” Model, non-practicing attorney, author, sex therapist. She misunderstands negs.
She was Miss October in 1994 for Playboy. And Penthouse Pet of the Year in 2004. She also earned a JD and a PhD in clinical psychology. But ultimately became a sex therapist and published author.
She wrote a book called “Dr. Z on Scoring.” Check out the picture below of her in a tub of her books.
Dr. Z in a tub of her books. Nice.
I actually learned a ton from reading it. She gave a great female perspective on what it’s like to be a hot woman. For example, how insecure hot women are because they’re afraid they won’t be beautiful someday. But in one place she condemns Mystery’s negs.
This is what she says (p. 217-218, “Dr. Z on Scoring”):
Negs are grounded in the faulty belief that gorgeous women are overly confident and do not respond to compliments, thus the way to get her attention is to pretend that you’re not that interested and that you are qualifying her by making a subtle insult disguised as a compliment. He claims that when he uses these kinds of statements on gorgeous women they respond by working harder to gain his attraction. Let me tell you–this is total bullcrap! For me, these kind of petty, immature statements would suggest that a guy is a total weirdo or some strange fetishist. In fact, it would be an instantaneous turnoff! And all the centerfolds I have interviewed have wholeheartedly agree.
I’ll respond to her points one at a time.
> “He believes gorgeous women are overly confident”:
Mystery doesn’t claim gorgeous women are overly confident. He just claims women can put up a “Bitch Act,” especially in a club setting. He doesn’t judge them for this. In fact, he attempts to empathize with them. He claims her “act” is just a shield to protect herself from the barrage of men. I’d add a point. Could one argue that a lot of insecure people sometimes put up such “superiority” masks to protect themselves in general? But the issue isn’t over confidence. It’s the bitch act.
> “He believes women do not respond to compliments”:
Nowhere does Mystery claim this. Again, negs are simply a tool to deactivate the “bitch shield.” It’s done within the first 2-3 minutes. If a women comes across as particularly “superior” more negs are required. If a woman has low confidence, then it’s not appropriate to use negs at all. Negs are to be used in response to the “snobbish superiority” act. It’s a way to shut it down. That’s all. Once the shield is down and there’s mutual respect, the next step–qualification–is all about the art of giving a compliment.
> “Negs are a subtle insult disguised as a compliment”:
Negs are NOT insults. It is a qualification. Meaning, it’s to see past a woman’s pretty exterior and ask “is there more to you than meets the eye?” It’s a way of taking her off the pedestal and interacting with her as a human PERSON. And often it’s a neutral observation about something factual in her appearance (not a value judgement) like nails, hair, shoes. They are used on the 9s and 10s that are used to being spoiled and worshipped. These women are used to being told they’re beautiful or a bitch or being offered a drink, and a neg throws a wrench in the whole system. And can be a welcome breath of fresh air for her.
> “He claims negs make her work hard to gain his attraction”:
Negs are meant to break the bitch shield. And it’s true, it does create attraction, too. I mean, when a person says something that’s different from the norm, it makes you different… and interesting. An interrupt from a predictable routine would pique anybody’s interest. Also, I’ve said it once I’ll say it again. We purse that which retreats from us. A guy who does NOT stare or bump and grind her or gives her lots of compliments or spend hoards of money on her… that makes him a bit of challenge. He’s got an edge. That creates curiosity, electricity, excitement… attraction. Her point here seems to imply negs are manipulative. It’s not manipulation. It’s being different, unpredictable, challenging, interesting.
> “If someone used a neg on me, I would think he was a weirdo or strange fetishist, and it would turn me off. All the centerfolds I have interviewed whole-heartedly agree”:
Well, if she presented the concept of negs the way she did above, they probably WOULD agree with her. Aside from the questionable way she may have interviewed her subjects, negs are not based on mere speculation. Like I said before, it’s based on PRACTICE and what actually WORKS in the real world.
Rather than condemn, a more interesting question would be to ask what makes them work so well?
When it comes down to it, women snuff guys all the time. It sucks and it’s painful. The idea isn’t to fall for it. The idea is to preempt it, and to intrigue her. Then a real connection can happen.
Here are a couple more objections from women:
> How would YOU feel if a woman told YOU you had something on your nose? Bad idea.
Women use negging on men constantly. It’s so ubiquitous, we sometimes don’t even notice it any more. We are expected to let it slide off us. Our negs are meant to cancel out hers.
> I’m telling you that any sort of remark that makes a woman feel self-conscious is NOT going to get her associating good feelings with you.
The idea is never to hurt her feelings. It’s to show her beauty is just skin-deep. Just because she’s beautiful doesn’t mean she gets away with bratty behavior. Her pedestal is not real. She’s a human being, so am I. Also, it’s to show I’m not trying to sleep with her. It’s actually to put her at ease and make her feel comfortable. With negs we want to make her laugh, smile, and see us as more than just the next guy approaching her. Once we get all that out of the way, appreciation and kinds words are close behind. But now they’re earned, and they feel more sincere.
The Prince rescues Snow White from her pedestal where she was asleep and lonely. Mutual appreciation follows. And they live happily ever after.
Now that I’ve beat the subject of negs to death, here’s what you can do RIGHT NOW to practice them.
Step 1. Pick ONE of the following lines (a lot of these are just “play fighting” lines):
“I can already tell, you and I are NOT gonna get along.”
“That’s it, we’re breaking up. You keep the cat, I’ll keep the DVDs.”
“You’re such a dork.”
“Quit looking at my chest. My eyes are up here!”
“You are so cute! I wanna put you in my pocket and take you home with me. Wait… are you house-broken?”
Step 2. Practice delivering ONE of these lines in the mirror. Have a smile on your face. Say them in the spirit of play. If you make yourself chuckle saying them, you’re ready for the next step.
Step 3. Try the line on a coworker, a cashier, or a girl you approach. If you use it on a girl you approach, make sure you do it within the SECOND SENTENCE out of your mouth. Known as the “Second Sentence Rule.” It’s important not to wait to spark attraction, but do it RIGHT AWAY. Embed this within a DHV or topic of conversation.
Step 4. Watch her laugh. And feel the INSTANT attraction you’ve just created.
Holy crap she’s beautiful! Don’t be intimidated. After you’ve made her laugh, connect with her.
Let’s talk about building comfort and trust with women.
There’s a beginning, a middle, and an ending to every courtship. You and I know that. But let’s do a quick review for the hell of it.
The beginning is attraction, the middle is comfort, and the ending is seduction.
Begin with attraction. Don’t open in seduction or comfort. I’ve seen guys open girls with “Hey baby nice tits.” And I’ve seen guys open with “So, where are you from?” before she knows anything about them. There’s a time and place for that. But not in the beginning.
First, spark attraction! Push her away, pull her in, make her laugh, and demonstrate an engaging and masculine personality.
After she shows signs she’s attracted (e.g. she’s still talking to you, her body is facing yours, she’s laughing and engaged, when you qualify her she complies), establish comfort and trust. Some guys might wanna skip comfort and jump into seduction right away. And others might think they have to keep negging her and playing hard to get. No. Shift gears and connect.
How do you connect and build comfort and trust? We’ll dig into all that in a sec.
After you’ve established enough comfort and trust (spending about 4-7 hours with her), physically escalate her to sex. One mistake guys will make here is to stay in the comfort zone. Other guys will keep cracking jokes, making her laugh. I’ve been in both those places. But at some point you’ve gotta switch the mood to a seductive one, be bold and make a move towards foreplay and sex.
Okay, so there’s a quick review. I just wanted to paint a backdrop for where comfort happens.
Now let’s dig into COMFORT.
I mean, there’s not a whole lot out there on it, right? There’s more stuff on attraction and seduction… the glamour phases. But not much on building comfort and trust. So, what I’d like to do here is give you a little map of the sequence, so you don’t get lost.
And as always, I wanna give credit where it’s due. Obviously, these aren’t my ideas. Mystery was the genius who invented this map.
Here’s the basic idea of the map…
There’s a beginning, middle, and ending to the comfort phase, too: C1, C2, and C3.
The idea is you want to show you’re not some skeezeball out to get sex from her. You want to show you’re a human being just like her. You want to show you’re not a “stranger.”
Comfort is about breaking out of the “stranger” mould and becoming more and more “human” to each other.
And you want to connect with her on an emotional level.
But there’s a strategic sequence to all this. Follow the sequence, and it can help us lead women seamlessly to sex. It installs booby traps for the friend zone. And it’s an ETHICAL way to build her desire for sex with us, so she actually WANTS it.
Let’s check out each phase.
C1: IN THE PICKUP LOCATION
Move your target (and her friends if necessary) to a nice sit-down area of the pickup location
After you’ve gotten some indicators of interest from your target, isolate her. Move her and her group of friends if necessary to a nice sit down location within the venue you met her.
Or, you can isolate her within her group of friends.
For example, while in her group of friends, you can say to your target, “I want to show you something.” Turn your back to her friends, and do something like The Cube on her. That way there’s no weirdness on both the girl and her friend’s parts about you separating a girl from her pack of friends.
In either case, once in isolation, enjoy each other’s company. Now all those questions, “so, where are you from?” can be asked. She’s already attracted, so you can ask those kinds of questions.
You still need to be a bit of a challenge though. You’re not like “You like me? Holy shit! Well, I like you, too! I mean, you’ve got great taste. Wanna make out?”
Just because she likes you, doesn’t mean a thing. That can change with the drop of a hat. Still be DEVELOPING attraction for her.
You can do this by asking her more qualification questions. For example, “So, what do you want to be when you grow up? And don’t say princess.” You want her to say things of interest so you can be like, “You like Tool? No WAY!” By the way, you can still qualify her in C1.
Here’s another tip. Never isolate a girl from a two set. Meaning, if a girl is there with just one friend, don’t leave her friend alone and alienated. Isolate them both.
When you do, make sure the target sits between you and the obstacle.
When isolating a two-set, have the target sit in the middle. Talk to the obstacle on the end.
Speak with the obstacle so the target can hear what you’re saying. And while you’re speaking with the obstacle, physically escalate the target.
If you sit with your target for at least 25-40 minutes, you’ll at least get a solid number close. You can do a kiss close during this phase, too.
The first kiss isn’t a seduction tactic, it’s a comfort building one. From: “Good Will Hunting”
But C1 is simply defined by location. You’re isolated with her in the pickup location.
C2: IN PLACES NOT CONNECTED WITH THE PICKUP LOCATION OR THE SEDUCTION LOCATION
The infamous “coffee date” is an example of C2. Take her to a venue not connected with the pickup location or the seduction location.
After you’ve spent about 25-40 minutes with her in C1, invite her to join you in another venue. This is called a “bounce.” The first bounce is a trusting thing.
You’re still a stranger to her. Are you going to compromise her safety? She doesn’t know you yet. But if you take her into another venue and you act completely normal, safe, and make her feel comfortable… trust has been established. And it makes inviting her to your place easier later on.
Also, when you enter a new venue together, you’re no longer “strangers.” You have a “couple” feel. Hello comfort. Good bye strangers.
And feel free to bounce her to multiple venues. Hang out in 5 locations during the course of one night and it will feel like she’s known you longer than if you hung out in 1 location for the same amount of time. It’s weird how the works, huh.
Here’s some things to keep in mind for this phase.
#1. Have fuuuuuun. What does like EVERY personal ad by a woman say? Exactly. She wants a man she can have fun with and who makes her laugh. Well, man, have fun. One way to do this is to take her to fun, eclectic places like the scene below from “Good Will Hunting.”
Or you can have fun over a cup of tea, too. It’s just an eclectic place has props and fun stuff in the environment to play with. How do you have fun? Pretend you’re three years old again in a sandbox and you don’t need to impress anyone. Make yourself laugh. Chances are she’ll have fun, too.
#2. Kino. Get comfortable holding hands and kissing. Hollywood movies have it wrong. DON’T wait to kiss at the end of the night. It’s always awkward. Kiss and touch before the end of the night and all throughout it. Kissing is not a seduction tactic but a comfort-building one. She’ll get more and more comfortable with your touch. This makes the bridge over to seduction land a cinch to cross over later.
#3. Continue to build commonalities. Get curious about her. Listen. Genuinely appreciate what she has to say. And here’s a quick conversation tip. After she answers a question of yours, comment on her answer before asking another question. It forces you to listen, and it lets you avoid transforming into the dreaded “Interviewer.”
#4. Be social. Taking her into multiple venues, and making light conversation with the bartender or cashier or people at the bar lets her see you’re a social person. A real human being. And being able to get along with others is an attractive quality.
If you’re unable to bounce her that same night, set up a date to see her again right there and then. That’s called a “Time Bridge.” Make sure to set a time and place to see each other though. Saves having to play phone game later.
So, C2 is defined by location, too. You’re spending time with her away from the pickup location but not in the seduction location… yet.
C3: IN THE SEDUCTION LOCATION
Enjoying some alone time in the seduction location. From: “Vicky, Christina, Barcelona”
After you’ve spent three or four hours with her going on these mini-dates, invite her to the seduction location. For example, the living room of your apartment. If you’ve spent enough time in C2, it makes the chances higher that she’ll come over.
Don’t pounce on her when she comes in. Build more comfort and trust.
Show her around. Get her a drink. Have her sit on the couch with you. Put on some music. “Come on in, take a seat, hang out.”
When she comes in, you’re NOT in seduction yet. Again, show her her safety is not compromised by being alone with you in a seduction location.
The door is unlocked, the blinds are up, she can leave anytime she wants. You’re not going to force sex on her. No threat, no pressure whatsoever.
Here’s some things you can do.
Have some cool stuff laying around, like a cool book to look through on your coffee table. You can even have the “Book of Questions” handy or Zen cards or a Dream Interpretation book or play dough or whatever might make a girl say “What’s that?”
If you play a musical instrument, play her a song.
Here’s another idea. I got it from David DeAngelo. You can listen to your voicemail messages while massaging her hand. It’s like a reality time-warp into a time and place where it feels like you’ve known each other for months. The point is, you’re not skeezing her out. You’re still establishing comfort and trust.
Here’s one more idea. You can do your grounding sequence. In fact, definitely do your grounding sequence here.
A “grounding sequence” is when you ground your identity with her reality. Instead of saying “I’m a writer” which might feel abstract to her, you can tell a string of 3-7 stories about how you became a writer so it grounds you to her, and makes your identity more relatable. How you became who you are today from childhood, through adolescence, through college, and beyond. So, she feels like she knows you.
Make sure to do the same for her. Stop after one of your stories and ask “what about you?” Let’s say she says she’s going to school for nursing: “You’re going to school for nursing? Amazing. How’d that happen? How’d you become who you are?”
This usually happens in C3, but can also happen in C2.
Now, before you’ve brought her into the seduction location, you’ve kissed. You’ve held hands. You’ve bounced her. You’ve gotten to know her.
So, it’s natural that after you’ve talked a bit in living room, you’d kiss her again. But this time, it’s a longer kiss. And you begin to arouse her. Stop, take her hand, and lead her into the bedroom.
You’ve officially left the comfort phase, and you’ve entered the final one, seduction.
Now that you’ve built enough comfort…
After you’ve attracted her and made her laugh, spend at least four to seven hours getting to know her. During that time, kiss and kino. Connect. And take her into as many fun venues as you can. Seduction… without the buyer’s remorse or the last minute resistance… won’t be far behind.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Are you trying to tell me you don’t arouse her until the SEVENTH phase?
What’re you crazy?
Hey man, foreplay ain’t till the seventh phase of a pickup. What can I say? Attract her FIRST.
That means open the set. Phase 1. Attract your target. Phase 2. And qualify your target. Phase 3. Duration: approximately 5 minutes.
Build trust and comfort with her SECOND.
Isolate her in the venue you met her. Phase 4. Bounce her to a venue not in the pickup location and not in the seduction location. Phase 5. Invite her back to your place. Phase 6. Duration: a few hours.
THEN you can arouse her. Phase 7.
So, you’re telling me not to kiss her until then?
No, no, no, no.
When you first kiss a girl it’s NOT to arouse her. It’s to build comfort. Kiss her for the first time during the comfort phase. And when you first kiss, DON’T be sticking your tongue down her throat, making out, or anything like that. Kiss on the lips (without tongue), then pull away.
There’s a classic example of this in Woody Allen’s “Annie Hall.” Check it out:
The first kiss is just to build comfort now. You eliminate the “friend zone.” And it makes it easier to get down and busy later when you’re alone with her.
Save foreplay for the SEVENTH phase. You’ll see some guys make out with a girl in public. Don’t do this. Save it for private. When you’ve attracted her and built a connection with her, THEN you can arouse her in private.
Wanna know the coolest part of waiting this long?
You build waaaaaaay more sexual tension.
For example, BEFORE foreplay:
DO touch her always, holding her hand, giving her a kiss, a massage, a playful nudge, whatever.
DO bounce her to several locations before you invite her back to your place.
DO introduce her to other people, so she sees you’re a social person.
DO say “I’m trying so hard not to kiss you” before you kiss.
DO say “Let’s slow this down” when you first kiss. And pull away.
DO always be willing to walk away, never crowding her or supplicating to her.
DO have her sit down when she comes into the seduction location, get her a drink, talk, relax for a bit. DON’T pounce on her.
By that time she’ll often do the seduction for you.
In a way, all this IS foreplay. Maybe what I should say is: don’t AROUSE her till the seventh phase of a pickup.
After you’ve talked a bit in the living room, kiss her again. You’ve been doing it all along. But now you can kiss her to AROUSE her.
And lead her into the bedroom.
My point is, no need to rush into sex. Do touch and kiss for those few hours before she’s alone in a seduction location with you. Hold off on arousing her till that private time. You’ll build sexual tension, sidestep last minute resistance (phase 8), make sex (phase 9) something she wants, and avoid “buyer’s remorse” later.
Okay, fine. But how do arouse her during this “seventh” phase?
THAT’S an excellent question. I’ve got some stuff on all that in the “Sex” section of this website. Check it out if you’d like. But it’s basically the same principle. The more anticipation and teasing and not-rushing-into-sex you do, the more aroused she gets. Funny how that works, huh?
Turn on her mind, and her panties will follow. That’s the whole beauty of waiting till the seventh phase.
I’m not gonna lie. It’s hard. People are cynical of strangers striking up a friendly conversation with them. You could be the coolest guy in the world, but people (and women especially) assume the worst about you. And resist you.
You’re guilty before proven innocent.
But if you can slide this ENORMOUSLY heavy obstacle of the way… which you absolutely can… a lot of the pickup afterwards is cake.
Oh, and I wanna give credit where credit is due. Almost everything I’m about to share with you I learned from Mystery. And it’s highly effective.
Women are very rarely found alone. So, when you see a woman of particular beauty, a lot of times, we’ve got to approach her with a group of people around her. Get used to it. It’s just one of the facts of life.
I’ll tell you how NOT to approach.
“Excuse me, do you know what time it is?”
“Yeah, it’s 10:30.”
“Cool, thanks. So, where are you from?”
Now you’re trying to RE-ENGAGE her in conversation. And you’ve just revealed the fact that asking her for the time was in fact a farce. Every man should know by now that asking for the time leads to a dead end street.
“Excuse me. I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if it would be okay if I asked you a question.”
That’s the vagrance opener.
DON’T excuse yourself.
DON’T tell them you already think of yourself as a bother.
And DON’T ask in order to ask.
Just go off into it.
Instead of opening with “Excuse me” say “Hey guys…”
By the way, there’s enormous power in the word “Hey.” Start your opener with that word. It gets attention in a fun way.
Also, DON’T just talk to the prettiest woman in the group. If you speak directly to her, you’ll alienate all her friends.
Instead, make eye contact with every person in the group. That’s how you keep their attention. If you give your attention to only one person, people get bored and start looking elsewhere.
Not only that, if you give all your attention to the prettiest woman her friends presume just by the fact that she’s beautiful and you’re a man that you’re after her. Their instinct will immediately be to protect her and eject you from the group.
You’ve got to immediately disqualify yourself from being considered a potential suitor. You’ve got to convey, “Look, I’m not after her. I’m just a social, friendly guy who enjoys meeting new people.” If you’re in a public gathering like a bar or lounge, it’s expected to be social and meet new people.
How do you convey all this?
Talk to everyone in the group EXCEPT the target. In fact, ignore her. When you do say something to her throw a neg or banter line at her. “I can already tell, this one is trouble.”
Okay, fine. But WHAT do you say to the group of people?
Skip all the polite formalities and dive straight into a story. Or start bantering. I prefer to start off with banter because it’s more interactive.
But let’s say you’re gonna stick with a story, what kind of story do you tell?
A funny one is great. A classic example is Mystery’s “Girl Fight” story. You can check that one out here. Begin with a question that hooks your audience. “Did you see the girl fight outside?” Then dive right into it. Also, check in with the group during the story with questions like “Isn’t that crazy?” or “Know what I mean?” to keep it interactive and make sure they’re with you still.
Have at least three stories ready to rock and roll each 15 seconds. But don’t finish them. Leave each story open so if you ever come to an awkward pause you can say “Where was I? Oh yeah…” and continue a previously opened thread.
DON’T speak softly, quietly, mumble, or speak in a monotone voice. No one will hear a word you’re saying. And the group will shut you out.
Instead, speak loudly and slowly. You’ll appear confident and they’ll hear everything you say. Also, speak expressively and enthusiastically. They’ll feel it. Feel whatever you’re saying and express it. THAT’S engaging.
DON’T have a stone cold expression on your face.
If you were to turn to a person who’s approached you and he has that kind of hard, mean expression on your face, how would you respond? Defensive, right?
Now imagine you’re a woman and you’re being approached by a MAN who’s bigger and stronger than you with that cold expression. That’s a woman’s experience. Scary.
So, SMILE on the approach. It’s warm. It’s a ray of sunshine. Which melts ice away.
Obviously, you don’t have to keep the stupid smile on your face. You’ll look cheesy. People will get the overwhelming feeling that you’re keeping shit from them. So, relax the smile after a few seconds.
DON’T lean in to the pretty girl. This telegraphs your interest. Plus she’ll start backing away from you. Counter-productive.
Instead, lean back. Make HER chase YOU.
In fact, when you open, open as if you’re walking past them. Let them know through your body language that you’re not going to stay there forever and ever. You’re on your way out.
DO throw in a false constraint. “I can only stay a second, my friends are here.” Word of warning. Never say “I can only stay a minute.” Guys will go “60, 59, 58…” just to screw with you.
DO have a “root,” or a reason why you’re talking to them. I got this concept from Neil Strauss and it’s huge. The group won’t be able to hear a word of what you’re saying until they know what it is you want from them. Your reason for talking to them?
If you deliver a direct opener, it’s because this girl caught your eye and you wanted to meet her.
If you deliver an indirect opener, it’s because you’re meeting new people. Or, if it’s an opinion opener, you want to get a female opinion. Then you’re leaving. But you can always say “Before I leave…” to keep yourself in there.
DO deliver a banter line within your first two sentences. MOST IMPORTANT! Laughter breaks the ice. And you don’t even need a story or a root or a false constraint. It disqualifies yourself as a potential suitor automatically yet creates sexual tension with her and gives value to the group instantly.
DO initiale kino right away. Tap an arm before you deliver a banter line. You’re a friendly person who has a lot of love to give. Strangers don’t touch. Friends do.
WHOOOOOA! That’s a lot of stuff. I know, I know. But it’s like driving a car. At first, there’s a lot of stuff to remember. But do it enough, it becomes a natural.
Here’s what you can do right now to make sure you approach in a way that melts the ice.
OPTION A, Beginning with a story/routine:
Step #1: Pick a root, a false time constraint, neg, and 3 brief (15-second) routines.
Step #2: Practice your delivery in the mirror. Make sure you smile, you’re expressive, open over the shoulder, and initiate kino. Practice interrupting your routine by opening another. I gave a word-for-word example of “multiple-threading” in my post: “DHV to the Group, NOT the Target.” Practice this at least 5x.
Step #3: Execute in field at least 5x. Each time you finish ask: “So, how do you know each other?” Then say “Pleasure meeting you.” If the conversation is going well, keep going. Don’t worry about getting a phone number, unless it genuinely comes up.
OPTION B, Beginning with Banter:
Step #1: Pick a Banter line
Step #2: Practice your delivery in the mirror. Make sure you smile, you’re expressive, open over the shoulder, and initiate kino. Practice this at least 5x.
Step #3: Execute in field at least 5x. Each time you finish, you can introduce yourself and ask: “So, how do you know each other?” Then say “Pleasure meeting you.” If the conversation is going well, keep going. No need to get a phone number, if you don’t want. You’re just practicing opening.
To simplify it even more, when you approach just give em “feeling good.” And if you practice, just that whole process, will change your life. It did for me. It will for you.
Get in the driver’s seat and take the WHOLE group for a fun ride.
I was re-reading parts of The Game, and I had a revelation. When you DHV, don’t DHV to the target. DHV to the guys and to the ugly girls. The target? Ignore her.
Here’s the idea behind this…
Beautiful Women Aren’t Different From Anyone Else
Let’s talk about beautiful women for a sec. I’m talking about the most UNUSUALLY beautiful women. The 9’s and 10’s. The ones you don’t see everyday, and when you do see one you lose the ability to remember your name.
These women are so outstandingly beautiful that a lot of us guys think we have to treat them differently. We’re either too afraid to talk to them, and just stand by the sidelines and stare… Or we give her all sorts of compliments and buy her drinks and dinner.
As you know and I know, that ain’t gonna work to attract them.
When dealing with these freaks of nature, the thing to keep in mind is… they’re used to getting lots of attention, just because of their physical appearance. They’re used to being treated special because of their physical beauty, and not appreciated for their inner qualities.
On the one hand, it’s lonely being beautiful. No one sees her for who she is. Her beauty creates distance from everyone else.
On the other hand, she also wants to be UNUSUALLY beautiful, and she wants you to know it.
Look at the hours and dollars she spends making herself with makeup, getting her skin soft, smelling good, getting her hair done, choosing just the right outfit, buying the right shoes, obsessing about her weight, removing hair in weird places, even in some cases getting plastic surgery.
Girls spend a lot of time and money looking beautiful
And acting the part of someone with an air of untouchable beauty.
Beauty gives women power. Why? Because their beauty makes a lot of us guys give our “power” away to them.
She wants to be the most beautiful woman in the room, and when we approach her, she wants to reject us. It makes her feel important.
So, the idea is to do the opposite of putting her on a pedestal. You CHALLENGE her.
In the case of Mystery’s Method, when you approach a group of people that has that INCREDIBLY beautiful woman in it… remember, women are rarely found alone… that means you actually pay attention to everyone else in the group, but her. And if she says anything TEASE her.
The message is: “You’re not getting special treatment from me just because you’re beautiful. You’re a human being just like the rest of us. ”
This creates a HUGE challenge. I mean for her, most guys are just this blur of compliments, sexual predatoriness, or approval-seeking. So when she find a guy who treats her like a human being just like everyone else, he STANDS OUT. He’s the type of a guy she doesn’t come across everyday. She does a double take. She’s attracted.
The Basic Format To All Approaches, By Mystery
Mystery smiling large
So, let me share with you the passage that gave me this revelation. It’s a handout Mystery used to hand out to his workshops. You can see it on page 35 of The Game. It’s his basic format to his all his approaches.
1. Smile when you walk into a room. See the group with the target and follow the three-second rule. Do not hesitate–approach instantly.
2. Recite a memorized opener, if not two or three in a row.
3. The opener should open the group, not just the target. When talking, ignore the target for the most part. If there are men in the group, focus your attention on the men.
4. Neg the target with one of the slew of negs we’ve come up with. Tell her, “It’s so cute. Your nose wiggles when you laugh.” Then get her friends to notice and laugh about it.
5. Convey personality to the entire group. Do this by using stories, magic, anecdotes, and humor. Pay particular attention to the men and the less attractive women. During this time, the target will notice that you are the center of attention. You may perform various memorized pieces like the photo routine, but only for the obstacles.
6. Neg the target, if appropriate. If she wants to look at the pictures, for example, say “Oh my god, she’s so grabby. How do you roll with her?”
7. Ask the group, “So, how does everyone know each other?” If the target is with one of the guys, find out how long they’ve been together.
8a. If it’s a serious relationship, eject politely by saying, “Pleasure meeting you.”
8b. If she is not spoken for, say to the group, “I’ve sort of been alienating your friend. Is it all right if I speak to her for a couple of minutes?” They always say, “Uh, sure. If it’s okay with her.” If you’ve executed the preceding steps correctly, she will agree.
9. Isolate her from the group by telling her you want to show her something cool. Take her to sit with you nearby. As you lead her through the crowd, do a kino test by holding her hand. If she squeezes back, it’s on. Start looking for other IOIs.
10. Sit with her and perform a rune reading, an ESP test, or any other demonstration that will fascinate and intrigue her.
11. Tell her, “Beauty is common but what’s rare is a great energy and outlook on life. Tell me, what do you have inside that would make me want to know you as more than a mere face in the crowd?” If she begins to list qualities, this is a positive IOI.
12. Stop talking. Does she reinitiate the chat with a question that begins with the word “So?” If she does, then you’ve now seen three IOIs and can…
13. Kiss close. Say, out of the blue, “Would you like to kiss me?” If the setting or circumstances aren’t conducive to physical intimacy, then give yourself a time constraint by saying, “I have to go, but we should continue this.” Then get her number and leave.
Mystery’s negs. From page 35 of “The Game,” by Neil Strauss
1. Smile when you enter the room. Open within 3 seconds.
2. Hey did you see the fight outside? (Girl Fight Story)
3. That’s so cute. Your nose wiggles when you laugh.
4. Multiple thread The Hollywood Sign Story, ESP, and a qualifier to different people:
“Do you have a good imagination? You do? I want you to think of a number from 1 – 4. We’re starting small, that’s why we’re starting with you. That’s right, I said it! Do you have it in your mind? Don’t say it, just think it. The first number that pops into your head. Got it?
“I’m curious about something before we get to that. Is there more to you than meet the eye? I mean, don’t get a big head. There’s a lot of beautiful people around us, right? Beauty is very common. Would you not agree? You know what’s really rare?
“Are you thinking of that number? Focusing? 3. Nice! (or, if incorrect “And that’s why ESP is bullshit.”) Let’s up the stakes (or let’s try it again). Pick a number this time from 1 -10. You got it? Nice.
“Oh, by the way, have you ever been to the Hollywood sign? (You can create your own variation of this story based on something similar to the Hollywood sign in your hometown. For example, everywhere there’s a place where you get away from it all to look at the stars.) Have you ever gone to the base of it? Have you climbed up to it? Well, I went with a lovely girl (preselection switch) at the time and went up to the sign. It takes a good 40 minutes and you have to climb a fence. Next time you go, bring good shoes that will get you up there with no problem. Because you don’t want to get up there with leather shoes like I did, like a moron. That was my learning experience. But when you’re up there you can see all of Hollywood in one eye shot and it really gives you the clarity that anything is possible if you dream. Then you see it all in one eye shot. It’s inspiring.
“You got that number in your mind? 7. Nice. See, what’s really rare is a great outlook and a great personality, a great energy. That’s rare. You’ve got 2 out of 3. That’s a great start.”
5. So, how does everyone know each other?
6a. Pleasure meeting you.
6b. I’ve sort of been alienating your friend. Is it all right if I speak to her for a couple of minutes?
7. I want to show you something cool.
8. Kino hand-squeeze test as you lead her through crowd.
9. Have you ever done of The Cube? (The Cube)
10. Stop talking… she reinitiates the conversation.
11. Would you like to kiss me?
12. I have to go, we should continue this. Get her number. (OR Bounce her: Let’s get back to your friends. There’s a great place across the street. We should go with you and your friends.)
Sample Script (Style)
1. Smile when you enter the room. Open within 3 seconds
2. Hey, let me get your take on something. I’ve only got a sec but… (Jealous Girlfriend)
3. Wow, you guys are like from the View. This one I can tell we would NOT get along.
4. Multiple thread Ring Routine, The Best Friend Test, C & U Smiles:
“I have to ask before I run. Do you always wear a ring on that finger? The reason I’m asking is the finger a person chooses to put a ring on says something about their personality. The fact you wear a ring on that finger says something fascinating about you. Let me see your hand. Back in ancient Greece, each mound represented a different god. And a person back then would put a ring on the associated finger to honor that god.
“Oh my God, hold on a sec. How long have you known each other? See I knew that! Well, for one, you have the same exact smile. And for two, well, I’ll just give you the Best Friend Test. Ready? Do you use the same shampoo? (They look at each other first) You don’t even have to answer, you already passed. You looked at each other before even answering the question. You just did it again. And again. See, if you weren’t close, you’d keep eye contact with me. But when two people have a connection, they make eye contact first, even over something as mundane as shampoo. Nice.
“Okay, so the rings. Very interesting what it says about each of you. The thumb represented Hades, the god of the underworld. He was one of the few gods that lived separate from Mount Olympus, just like the thumb is separate from the other fingers. So, someone who wears a ring on this finger is independent and doesn’t like to follow other people’s trends. Instead, they like to make their own.
“The index finger was Zeus, and he was the king of the gods. And just like when a mother is scolding their daughter (act this out), someone who wears a ring on this finger has an inclination to take charge.
“The middle finger was Dionysus, the god of wine and partying and having a great time. And just like this finger represents something that’s not G-rated, someone who wears a ring on this finger has a little bit of a wild side. So, watch out for her. She’s trouble.
“Haha. Smile for me again? You have a U Smile! That’s awesome. Well there’s U smiles and C smiles. The U Smile is when you smile and your teeth go straight back into your mouth like a horse. And the C Smile is when you smile and all you see is a row of pearly whites in the front. If you ever look on the cover of like Cosmo or Glamour, the girl always has a C Smile. You have a U smile, but don’t worry, I still think you’re hot… in that short school bus sort of way. *smile*
“So, the ring finger is one of the coolest. This was Aphrodite, the goddess of love. And you can look this up, it’s true. This finger is the only one that has a vein that goes straight to your heart without branching off. (demo line going from finger to her heart). So anyone who wears a ring on this finger is actually making a direct connection with their heart. That’s why to this day we’ll wear our wedding ring on this finger.
“Finally, the pinky finger was Ares, the god of war. And you’ll notice a lot of mobsters will wear their ring on this finger. Someone who wears a ring on this finger has some inner turmoil or conflict within. They like to fight. And if you had given someone a pinky ring back then it mean ‘fuck you’ or ‘go to hell.’
“And for someone who doesn’t wear rings, like me that meant you were aligned with Hermes. He was one of the most mischievous of the gods. And he was the one that flew from Mount Olympus to earth. So, someone who doesn’t wear rings is open-minded, loves to travel, likes to be helpful, but has a little bit of a mischievous side. And that’s definitely me. But your personality is… Any truth to that? Pretty cool, right? You guys are awesome.”
5. So, how do you all know each other?
6a. Pleasure meeting you.
6b. I’ve sort of been alienating your friend. Is it all right if I speak to her for a couple of minutes?
7. I want to show you something cool. Have you ever done the Cube? (You could also do EV or Secret Self here too)
8. Beauty is common.
9. Stop talking.
10. Evolution Phase Shift Routine.
11. I have to go, but we should continue this… or bounce her and her friends
Sample Script (Brad P)
1. Smile when you enter the room. Open within 3 seconds.
2. You look familiar. Do you like horses? (Tell the story to the whole group)
3. Do you mind if I talk to your friend for a sec?
4. Have you ever had your palm read? (Brad P’s Palm Reading)
5. Beauty is common…
6. Stop talking
7. On a scale of 1 – 10, how good of a kisser are you?
8. I have to go, but we should continue this… or bounce her
Sample Script (My own)
1. Smile when you enter the room. Open within 3 seconds.
2. I have this rule that whenever I see someone attractive I have to at least say hi.
3. Quit looking at my chest my eyes are up here.
4. You guys seem really cool. My passion in life is writing. Are you passionate? What’s something you guys enjoy doing?
6. I’m making her my new girlfriend. We’re gonna fly to Vegas tomorrow and get married. You can be Catwoman, and I’ll be Batman. It’ll be awesome.
7. Do you mind if I talk to her for a sec?
8. I want to show you something really cool. Someone just did this with me recently. It’s a great, quick way to get to know someone. In fact, a lot of people don’t even know this about themselves. (Use her answer about passion as a springboard to Style’s EV)
9. Beauty is common…
10. Stop talking.
11. Brush hair out of face, and kiss.
12. We should continue this, and get her number… or bounce her.
Next time you go out, try out any of the scripts I’ve given you that’s most aligned with your personality.
When you deliver the DHV, make sure to do it to the ones you’re NOT interested in. Make eye contact with EVERYONE. Your target? Neg her. This allows you to convey your personality and win over her friends. And with the target, the negs/banter/cocky-funny lines create sexual tension and show her you’re that rare man that’s interested more in a woman’s inner beauty than her superficial, external shell.
Here’s all my routines. Check em out if you’d like.
I know there’s a lot of controversy over using routines. Here’s my take on them.
Without routines, chances are you’ll fall flat on your face. They’re icebreakers. Use them and not only will you break the ice, you can lead the conversation somewhere. Best of all, after using routines for a while, you’ll get to the point where you won’t need them anymore.
Here’s how I organized them all:
PHASE ONE: ATTRACT
A2. Banter/Neg (part 1 of 2)
1. Banter Lines
2. Funny Stories
A2. DHV (part 2 of 2)
1. Your Passion
2. Observations About Her
3. Super Optional “Bubble Gum” Routines
A3. Qualify (part 1 of 3)
1. What’s Beyond Your Looks?
2. Are You Passionate?
3. What Abilities Do You Have?
4. What Interests Do You Have?
A3. Statement of Interest (part 2 of 3)
A3. Isolate or Number Close (part 3 of 3)
1. Isolation Close
2. Number Close
PHASE TWO: COMFORT
Create an Emotional Connection
PHASE THREE: SEDUCTION
Setting a Romantic/Sensual Mood
1. Romantic Questions
2. Ross Jeffries’ Patterns
3. Sexual Subjects
Going for the Kiss
Extract to Seduction Location
END GAME: FOREPLAY AND SEX
I give you routines at every step of the way. They’re organized within the structure that I use… based on The Mystery Method, of course:
A reason for talking with her
Banter within your first TWO sentences. Communicates “I’m not trying to get you”
Initiate a topic of conversation that gives value to her
State your interest in her.
Either isolate her or make plans for a Day 2
Create an emotional connection
Kiss her… but don’t make-out yet
Invite her to a “sex location”
Build anticipation with foreplay
Give her orgasms
Attract first, create an emotional connection second, and seduce last.
If you check these routines out, use the guidelines I give you in how to practice them. I’ve practiced these the wrong way and it just confused me. The wrong way, by the way, is trying to learn too many at once. Hello paralysis. Learn from my mistake. Master just one routine at a time.
And start practicing right now. If you stay on the path being consistent, you’ll become a pickup artist to contend with. Guaranteed. Even better, the whole process will change your life. I know it did for me.