1. Upper Right Quadrant (i.e. “one o’clock” YOUR–the man’s–perspective) of clit: This is the most sensitive part of the clit. Lightly stroke.
2. Use plenty of lube: A dry finger hurts and doesn’t feel good. Use plenty of lube while stroking her clit.
3. Light pressure: Women prefer lighter stimulation… not hard pressure… especially since the clit is so sensitive.
4. Tease the clit at first: Don’t attack it. Touch, then back off. Touch some more, then back. Or you could do this. Stroke one side. Then the top. Then the bottom. Stroke in circles. Then up and down. Or side to side. In other words, warm her up. When you find a rhythm she’s like “hell yeah!” keep the same rhythm.
5. When you find a rhythm she likes: This is an idea I got from the book “ESO: Extended Sex Orgasm” by Alan and Donna Brauer. Use that rhythm for ten strokes, then relax for two (for example, where you’re not directly on the clit). It increases sexual tension.
II. Fingering the G-Spot
1. Get foreplay and rapport first: Talk and laugh. Kiss. Stroke her skin. Massage her feet. Lick her clit. This relaxes her. If you dive straight for the G-spot, she’ll resist.
2. Use plenty of lube: You can never have too much lube. Also, make sure fingernails are short.
3. Start slow and DON’T attack the G-spot: Finger her a little. Move your fingers around inside her pussy, then take your fingers out. Taking your fingers away makes her crave your fingers more.
4. G-Spot Location: 1″ – 2″ inside. Up toward the sky. When she’s aroused, you know you’ve got it because it feels like a tiny ball or coin. When she’s not aroused, often you won’t be able to feel it. Why does it feel like a ball? It’s where the female prostrate gland is. That’s what the G-spot is.
In women it’s called the “Skene glands.” When a woman gets wet, that’s where the fluid comes from. When you stroke the G-spot, you’ll hear a squishing sound. You’re on the right track. That’s her Skene Glands making more of the liquid. Stroke it enough, liquid bursts out… a squirting orgasm.
It’s not pee. She’ll say she feels like she has to pee while you’re doing it. But the reality is, it’s the same stuff that makes her pussy wet. You can see this when a girl pees after she’s orgasmed. She had held in the ejaculate, and now she’s emptying it. If she doesn’t believe you, have her pee before you stroke the G-spot. If she feels like she has to pee… well, then she’ll know it’s not pee.
5. G-spot technique: Use the two middle fingers. Hand moves up and down. Fingers pull her towards you, like “come here” motion. Do both these movements at the same time. Think of it as tickling the G-spot. Tickle, but a FIRM tickle.
When you hear that sloshing sound, go really fast. Not necessarily hard… though the G-spot can take more pressure than the clit. But quick. Fast and furious. Shouldn’t take too long after that. After she’s come, you can make her come again. And again, and again. Unlike the clit where after she orgasms, it’s too sensitive to be touched again. Not so with the G-spot.
III. Finger the Anus
1. Knock at her backdoor: While fingering her pussy with one hand, run a finger from your other hand along the rim. Rub lightly in a circular motion.
2. If she doesn’t swat you away: wet your finger and SLOWLY push the tip inside. It’ll prep you for some anal stimulation later…
Don’t dive into the clitoris right away. Explore her whole vagina first.
Warm her up. Kiss her thighs. Let her feel anticipation and sexual tension. In other words, stimulate her feelings. Her clit is just an appendage.
3. Show you’re excited about going down on her. SHE’LL get excited. No being mechanic about it. Eat with GUSTO. “I love the way you taste.” “Mmmm.” “You have such a gorgeous pussy.” “Fuck! This turns me on so much.” By the way, she’ll be able to tell if you mean it or not. So, mean it. The point is to stimulate her feelings. That’s her biggest sex organ.
4. Lick the clit INdirectly.
The clit is like the head of our penis… except there are even MORE nerve endings. Something like 8,000. A little trivia: the upper right quadrant is the most sensitive part.
It’s so sensitive, it can’t always take direct stimulation. Here’s some ideas how to lick INDIRECTLY.
circles around the clit
lick skin over it
suck her clit
sandwich clit between labia, move around in a circular motion
5. When you find a rhythm she likes, stick to it. Don’t switch speeds or strokes. It’s too erratic and breaks her concentration. I know, you’d think the variety helps. It doesn’t. You want STEADY. The same rhythm over and over. The repetition lets the sexual pleasure build higher and higher and higher in her… until she explodes.
>>> NOTE: If you’re doing all this, the only other thing in the way of her exploding might be her mind. Sometimes her thoughts can get in the way. See? I told you her mind (or feelings) is her most important sex organ. Help her to calm her mind, and relax. That way she can focus on the now and explode. Here are some ideas:
6. Be relaxed yourself. She can pick up on how you feel. If you’re relaxed and enjoying yourself, she can relax and enjoy herself.
7. STOP in the middle of licking her. Seriously. Feel her tits, kiss her. Keeps that human-to-human, emotional connection. And the break might help take a little pressure off her. Then continue where you left off. Added bonus: keeps her guessing what you’re gonna do next. Anticipation and sexual tension baby!
8. Sometimes she gets self-conscious that it’s taking her awhile. Assure her it’s totally normal to take a while, and you ENJOY doing this. It’s not just about pleasing her. You actually LIKE doing this for your own pleasure.
While we’re on the subject, give a woman AT LEAST 15 minutes. Could take shorter, could take longer. Could take shorter if she’s already WAY turned on before you start licking her. Longer if she wasn’t as warmed up yet. Either way, make yourself comfortable. You’re not going anywhere. Enjoy the meal. It’s like boiling a pot of water. It takes a while, but when it boils… watch out.
9. Multitask. Feel her tits while you’re licking her. Doubles the sensations, yes. But also, stimulating her above the waist… shows you’re making love to her as a human being rather than just a clit. Again, adds that emotional element. Keeps her mind on the present moment, feeling the pleasure.
10. After you’ve licked her for a while and gotten her wet… Finger her G-spot.
Go past the rough part just a little bit. You’ll know when you’ve found it. It can take more pressure than the clit.
Talk about doubling the sensation and keeping her mind on the pleasure. There’s a reason why the rabbit vibrator is so popular. It stimulates her clit and G-spot at the same time.
The “Rabbit.” It stimulates her G-spot and clitoris at the same time. We can learn from the Rabbit.
We’re better than the rabbit, though, and here’s why. Our tongues have a natural wetness that feels great on her clit. I learned that from my girl, and it was a revelation to me.
And, of course, the human-to-human emotional connection. Can’t get it from a machine. That’s why when you lick her clit, don’t do it like a machine. Make sure to stimulate her mind and feelings, too.
In fact, her feelings and her mind… enjoying yourself, making her feel relaxed and desired… that’s the most important thing to stimulate. Maybe even more than her clit.
“There is no conversation more boring than the one where everybody agrees.” – Michel de Montaigne, French philosopher and inventor of the essay 1533 – 1592 , From: “On The Art of Conversation”
“Challenge, and not desire, lies at the heart of seduction.” – Jean Baudrillard, French postmodern philosopher 1929 – 2007, From: “Seduction”
“We pursue that which retreats from us.” – Tao of Steve
Wanna know how to attract the hottest women RIGHT AWAY?
WOW! The way to attract them? Negs make you stand out from the blur of guys hitting on her. Photo credit: fraspi.tumblr.com
Negs are THE tool.
Unfortunately, it’s one of Mystery’s most misunderstood concepts… especially by women. They think it’s about being mean to women.
NOT AT ALL.
Women can sometimes act like a bitch to us when we approach them. They’ll act like we’re beneath them. It doesn’t mean she’s actually a bitch. Chances are she’s sick of all the guys approaching her… and the WAY guys approach her.
So, she’s developed a mechanism to swat them away. A shortcut, so she doesn’t even have to think about it.
Hey, and you’re right. Sometimes it makes her feel superior, too.
Whatever the reason, unfortunately for us, often she assumes the worst about us before she’s even gotten a chance to know us.
Listen to me, and listen to me good. DON’T TAKE HER SHIT. But do this in a gentlemanly way.
Negs are that way.
Look, for us guys who just want to get to know her, the question is: How do I get through this knee-jerk response girls have, so I can talk with her?
The solution isn’t to insult her: “God! You’re such a goddam bitch!” That’s not going to get us anywhere.
The solution isn’t to bump and grind her on the dance floor hoping that will somehow make her wanna have sex with us.
You laugh, but you’d be surprised how many guys bump and grind girls. Not once have I seen this work to attract women.
The solution isn’t to stand there staring at her and creeping her out.
And the solution isn’t to kiss her ass: “Oh my God, you’re so beautiful. Can I buy you a drink?” How many times has she heard that one?
Girls often don’t even bring money with them when they go out. ‘Cause they expect guys to buy them drinks. Then they ditch ’em. Why would these guys think such a FANTASTICAL cliche as buying her a drink would spark any interest from her?
Mystery’s solution was simple and brilliant. The neg.
Turn the tables on her. Play her own game on herself. It’s like a double bind.
It’s like when Jesus said “Those of you without sin cast the first stone.” He didn’t condemn them for wanting to stone the woman who committed adultery. He simply used their concept of stoning for sinning on them. The result?
Jesus uses the stoners’ “game” on themselves. Negs do a similar thing.
They put away their stones.
Similarly, using her own “bitch shield” on herself cancels it out. How can she use it on us when we’re already using it on her… in a playful way? It ceases to function.
And it’s so DIFFERENT that it distinguishes you from the swarm of guys who use those other lame tactics.
Best of all, it allows her to finally see us as a human being, so we can talk.
That’s it. That’s all a neg is.
If a woman is hurt by a neg or if she’s not smiling and laughing, then a guy isn’t negging correctly. He’s probably being straight out mean. A neg should make a woman laugh, smile, or at least feel ENGAGED.
Here’s another way of looking at negs. They’re just good old fashioned flirting.
Two lion cubs play fighting. That’s all negging is.
Flirting is play fighting. Stuff’s been around forever. Mystery just gave it a name.
Emphasis on PLAY. Neg is PRETEND “fighting.”
Fighting, because like Montaigne said, if everyone is agreeable, it’s boring.
Negative, because a little playful negative reinforcement and a little SPANK yanks snobbery off its high horse.
If you get bad behavior, a playful spank says no. Don’t accept third class behavior. You’re entitled to being treated well.
Conflict, because a little playful challenge shows you don’t stand for bad behavior just because she has a pretty exterior and has on lots of fake makeup.
This is an important point. Negs take a woman off her pedestal so you can interact with her from a place of mutual respect.
Here’s one last way of looking at negs.
Think about a cat. You approach a cat to pet her, and she snuffs you. But you snuff her and all of a sudden she wants your attention. That’s what a neg is. Let her come to you. It’s not to be mean. It’s ultimately to pet the cat.
Or think about fishing. The struggle of reeling in a fish is way more fun than just being handed a fish. Negs are that extra element of a fun struggle.
We pursue that which retreats from us after all. Negs present you as a dominate MAN. A fun challenge.
Negs create mucho sexual tension INSTANTLY.
You know what? Let me just let Mystery explain it in his own words.
Mystery. Photo Credit: Center spread of “Saturday Night” Magazine, July 2004
After listening to him, you’ll understand exactly HOW to do it.
I just want to say one more thing about negs before I have Mystery come in.
He invented the concept from PRACTICE and RESULTS. NOT from a journey into Speculation Fantasy-Land. You can argue the moralism about them till you’re blue in the face. The fact is, done with a good heart, they WORK. They work to disable her “bitchiness” so she feels INTEREST enough to talk to us human being to human being.
So, without delaying any further, here’s Mystery. Oh, and for those unfamiliar with PUA (“pickup artist”) lingo, he uses an acronym HB. It means “Hot Babe”:
February 18th, 2005, posted in FastSeduction.com
“Neg Theory” by Mystery
An HB is there, surrounded by her friends. She has put on this BITCH act. Is she REALLY a bitch? Unlikely. All my girlfriends were wonderful human beings. Beautiful people have it easier because they are beautiful and often times have better upbringings because of it.
BUT – she needs to have a standard when all these NOBODY guys approach her. So her values are very honed and understood. When a man walks up and says, “Can I buy you a beer” this WILL annoy her. While the guy thinks he’s doing something nice for her, she gets this ALL the time. She is desensitized to this. You are the 8th guy TODAY!
So she is very good at brushing all these guys off. She HAS to be… she isn’t going to sleep with ALL of them! So she may say NO, or act annoyed, and then the guy thinks she’s a bitch and he walks off pissed and feeling like a failure. And that seems to work. Sometimes when the girl is particularly in a feeling of control (like in a club where she is PREPARED for the barrage of men – it IS after all something that occurs so often that when it is GONE she MISSES it) she will accept the beer and then flake the guy off. Hey, the guys are stupid enough to buy her one; she might as well take it.
When she accepts a beer from you, the girl is saying to you, “I don’t know you and I don’t care about you. You are just another one of those typical guys and since I don’t respect you, I’ll take the beer from you before I snub you.” Since an HB is so GOOD at snuffing your approach, SNUFFING THEM is important. You CANNOT INSULT them, because they are used to all the hurt guys INSULTING them (“ahh you are nothing but a bitch!”) so this rolls off their back like water off a muskrat’s ass.
How do you SNUFF them WITHOUT INSULTING them? Well, let’s say she has long nails which are most likely fake. Now why do 10s dress so FINE if they don’t want the attention? Sometimes they LOVE the feeling of control. They are in a club with friends and they want to be the leader of the circle (social hierarchy in primates) and so she gets all the attention. The guys come and buy drinks for them and she gets off on knocking the guys down. It’s all in a days play. Ok, so she is wearing fake nails to look even BETTER! Most guys will say, “Wow you are so beautiful!” BORING, typical and in her mind by now, TRUE.
Imagine now, a guy comes along and says “Nice nails. Are they real?” She will have to concede, “No, acrylic.” And he says (like he didn’t notice it was a put down), “Oh. (Pause) well I guess they still LOOK good.” Then he turns his back to her.
What does this do to her? Well, he didn’t treat her like shit and INSULT her. He complimented her, but the result was to target her insecurity. She thinks, “I’M HOT I’M BEAUTIFUL” – (especially in her current emotional state of control) – “but I didn’t win this guy over. I’M SO GOOD at this. I’ll just fix that little smear on my image that he has of me.”
Then you continue to show disinterest in her looks as you give her a neutral topic like the Elvis script. During this time, her intention is to get you to become like all the other guys so she can feel in control and snuff you.
Then you give her another NEG HIT like this: “Is that a hair piece? Well, its neat… what do you call this hairstyle? The waffle? :)” Smile and look at her to show her you are sincerely being funny and not insulting. You are pleasant but disinterested in her beauty.
This will intrigue her because she KNOWS guys. And this isn’t normal. You must have really high taste, or be used to girls, or be married or something. These questions make her CURIOUS. So this keeps happening and is known as FLIRTING. She gives you little Negs and these tests are qualifiers. You pass them by Negging her back. After all, you aren’t like the others showing interest. But…why?
To get control again, she says, “Will you buy me a drink?” Notice how she is trying to get you now! BUT, she only wants to sucker you in enough so she can SNUFF you. That is all she is about – this strategy is all she knows and it’s not working for you so she is trying to do damage control on the situation. But at the same time she doesn’t quite understand WHY you don’t think she’s “all that.” After all, her nails ARE fake.
You say, “Ahhh, that’s so funny … your nose wiggles when you speak……” – (pointing and being cute) – “look there it goes again … its so… quaint … hheeeee look.” She’ll say, “Ahhh, stoppp!” 🙂 *blush*. Now she is self-conscious and having her in this state is where you want her. You have, with 3 negs, successfully created INTEREST (curiosity) and removed her from her pedestal (removed her bitch shield.) You were humorous, you had a smile, you dress well, you are confident and everything she would want in a man.
You didn’t take her shit. OH…and when she asked you for a beer, you said, “No. I don’t buy girls drinks. But you can buy ME one.” You are qualifying HER now. If she buys you a beer, this is symbolic of her RESPECT for you.
If not, you say, “Pleasure meeting you” [NOT arcastically] and turn your back to her again. DON’T walk away, just turn your back. You are negging her again just when she thought she was negging YOU. That is teasing each other. That is the first step to flirting. This is all textbook psychology.
A NEG is a qualifier. The girl is FAILING to meet your high expectations.
It’s not an insult, just a judgment call on your part. The better looking the girl, the more aggressive you must be with using negs. A 10 can get 3 negs up front, while an 8 gets only 1 or 2 over a longer time. You CAN go overboard if they think you are BETTER than them. You can drop the self-esteem right from under them (just like most 10s do to guys) and this isn’t good. You have to get as close to the breaking point as you can without crossing the line. Once you have gotten her RIGHT THERE, you can start appreciating things about her (NEVER LOOKS.) There is a mutual RESPECT now. Something most guys never get from the girl.
This is how you remove a bitch shield. 3 negs ought to do it within 2 or 3 minutes of neutral chat. Once it is down, you can, from a place of mutual respect, seduce her.
Just to put to rest all the objections women tend to have against negs, and how guys can sometimes misuse them, I wanna take a female objection and respond to it.
The objection comes from Victoria Zdork, also known as Dr. Z.
Victoria Zdork, or “Dr. Z.” Model, non-practicing attorney, author, sex therapist. She misunderstands negs.
She was Miss October in 1994 for Playboy. And Penthouse Pet of the Year in 2004. She also earned a JD and a PhD in clinical psychology. But ultimately became a sex therapist and published author.
She wrote a book called “Dr. Z on Scoring.” Check out the picture below of her in a tub of her books.
Dr. Z in a tub of her books. Nice.
I actually learned a ton from reading it. She gave a great female perspective on what it’s like to be a hot woman. For example, how insecure hot women are because they’re afraid they won’t be beautiful someday. But in one place she condemns Mystery’s negs.
This is what she says (p. 217-218, “Dr. Z on Scoring”):
Negs are grounded in the faulty belief that gorgeous women are overly confident and do not respond to compliments, thus the way to get her attention is to pretend that you’re not that interested and that you are qualifying her by making a subtle insult disguised as a compliment. He claims that when he uses these kinds of statements on gorgeous women they respond by working harder to gain his attraction. Let me tell you–this is total bullcrap! For me, these kind of petty, immature statements would suggest that a guy is a total weirdo or some strange fetishist. In fact, it would be an instantaneous turnoff! And all the centerfolds I have interviewed have wholeheartedly agree.
I’ll respond to her points one at a time.
> “He believes gorgeous women are overly confident”:
Mystery doesn’t claim gorgeous women are overly confident. He just claims women can put up a “Bitch Act,” especially in a club setting. He doesn’t judge them for this. In fact, he attempts to empathize with them. He claims her “act” is just a shield to protect herself from the barrage of men. I’d add a point. Could one argue that a lot of insecure people sometimes put up such “superiority” masks to protect themselves in general? But the issue isn’t over confidence. It’s the bitch act.
> “He believes women do not respond to compliments”:
Nowhere does Mystery claim this. Again, negs are simply a tool to deactivate the “bitch shield.” It’s done within the first 2-3 minutes. If a women comes across as particularly “superior” more negs are required. If a woman has low confidence, then it’s not appropriate to use negs at all. Negs are to be used in response to the “snobbish superiority” act. It’s a way to shut it down. That’s all. Once the shield is down and there’s mutual respect, the next step–qualification–is all about the art of giving a compliment.
> “Negs are a subtle insult disguised as a compliment”:
Negs are NOT insults. It is a qualification. Meaning, it’s to see past a woman’s pretty exterior and ask “is there more to you than meets the eye?” It’s a way of taking her off the pedestal and interacting with her as a human PERSON. And often it’s a neutral observation about something factual in her appearance (not a value judgement) like nails, hair, shoes. They are used on the 9s and 10s that are used to being spoiled and worshipped. These women are used to being told they’re beautiful or a bitch or being offered a drink, and a neg throws a wrench in the whole system. And can be a welcome breath of fresh air for her.
> “He claims negs make her work hard to gain his attraction”:
Negs are meant to break the bitch shield. And it’s true, it does create attraction, too. I mean, when a person says something that’s different from the norm, it makes you different… and interesting. An interrupt from a predictable routine would pique anybody’s interest. Also, I’ve said it once I’ll say it again. We purse that which retreats from us. A guy who does NOT stare or bump and grind her or gives her lots of compliments or spend hoards of money on her… that makes him a bit of challenge. He’s got an edge. That creates curiosity, electricity, excitement… attraction. Her point here seems to imply negs are manipulative. It’s not manipulation. It’s being different, unpredictable, challenging, interesting.
> “If someone used a neg on me, I would think he was a weirdo or strange fetishist, and it would turn me off. All the centerfolds I have interviewed whole-heartedly agree”:
Well, if she presented the concept of negs the way she did above, they probably WOULD agree with her. Aside from the questionable way she may have interviewed her subjects, negs are not based on mere speculation. Like I said before, it’s based on PRACTICE and what actually WORKS in the real world.
Rather than condemn, a more interesting question would be to ask what makes them work so well?
When it comes down to it, women snuff guys all the time. It sucks and it’s painful. The idea isn’t to fall for it. The idea is to preempt it, and to intrigue her. Then a real connection can happen.
Here are a couple more objections from women:
> How would YOU feel if a woman told YOU you had something on your nose? Bad idea.
Women use negging on men constantly. It’s so ubiquitous, we sometimes don’t even notice it any more. We are expected to let it slide off us. Our negs are meant to cancel out hers.
> I’m telling you that any sort of remark that makes a woman feel self-conscious is NOT going to get her associating good feelings with you.
The idea is never to hurt her feelings. It’s to show her beauty is just skin-deep. Just because she’s beautiful doesn’t mean she gets away with bratty behavior. Her pedestal is not real. She’s a human being, so am I. Also, it’s to show I’m not trying to sleep with her. It’s actually to put her at ease and make her feel comfortable. With negs we want to make her laugh, smile, and see us as more than just the next guy approaching her. Once we get all that out of the way, appreciation and kinds words are close behind. But now they’re earned, and they feel more sincere.
The Prince rescues Snow White from her pedestal where she was asleep and lonely. Mutual appreciation follows. And they live happily ever after.
Now that I’ve beat the subject of negs to death, here’s what you can do RIGHT NOW to practice them.
Step 1. Pick ONE of the following lines (a lot of these are just “play fighting” lines):
“I can already tell, you and I are NOT gonna get along.”
“That’s it, we’re breaking up. You keep the cat, I’ll keep the DVDs.”
“You’re such a dork.”
“Quit looking at my chest. My eyes are up here!”
“You are so cute! I wanna put you in my pocket and take you home with me. Wait… are you house-broken?”
Step 2. Practice delivering ONE of these lines in the mirror. Have a smile on your face. Say them in the spirit of play. If you make yourself chuckle saying them, you’re ready for the next step.
Step 3. Try the line on a coworker, a cashier, or a girl you approach. If you use it on a girl you approach, make sure you do it within the SECOND SENTENCE out of your mouth. Known as the “Second Sentence Rule.” It’s important not to wait to spark attraction, but do it RIGHT AWAY. Embed this within a DHV or topic of conversation.
Step 4. Watch her laugh. And feel the INSTANT attraction you’ve just created.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Are you trying to tell me you don’t arouse her until the SEVENTH phase?
What’re you crazy?
Hey man, foreplay ain’t till the seventh phase of a pickup. What can I say? Attract her FIRST.
That means open the set. Phase 1. Attract your target. Phase 2. And qualify your target. Phase 3. Duration: approximately 5 minutes.
Build trust and comfort with her SECOND.
Isolate her in the venue you met her. Phase 4. Bounce her to a venue not in the pickup location and not in the seduction location. Phase 5. Invite her back to your place. Phase 6. Duration: a few hours.
THEN you can arouse her. Phase 7.
So, you’re telling me not to kiss her until then?
No, no, no, no.
When you first kiss a girl it’s NOT to arouse her. It’s to build comfort. Kiss her for the first time during the comfort phase. And when you first kiss, DON’T be sticking your tongue down her throat, making out, or anything like that. Kiss on the lips (without tongue), then pull away.
There’s a classic example of this in Woody Allen’s “Annie Hall.” Check it out:
The first kiss is just to build comfort now. You eliminate the “friend zone.” And it makes it easier to get down and busy later when you’re alone with her.
Save foreplay for the SEVENTH phase. You’ll see some guys make out with a girl in public. Don’t do this. Save it for private. When you’ve attracted her and built a connection with her, THEN you can arouse her in private.
Wanna know the coolest part of waiting this long?
You build waaaaaaay more sexual tension.
For example, BEFORE foreplay:
DO touch her always, holding her hand, giving her a kiss, a massage, a playful nudge, whatever.
DO bounce her to several locations before you invite her back to your place.
DO introduce her to other people, so she sees you’re a social person.
DO say “I’m trying so hard not to kiss you” before you kiss.
DO say “Let’s slow this down” when you first kiss. And pull away.
DO always be willing to walk away, never crowding her or supplicating to her.
DO have her sit down when she comes into the seduction location, get her a drink, talk, relax for a bit. DON’T pounce on her.
By that time she’ll often do the seduction for you.
In a way, all this IS foreplay. Maybe what I should say is: don’t AROUSE her till the seventh phase of a pickup.
After you’ve talked a bit in the living room, kiss her again. You’ve been doing it all along. But now you can kiss her to AROUSE her.
And lead her into the bedroom.
My point is, no need to rush into sex. Do touch and kiss for those few hours before she’s alone in a seduction location with you. Hold off on arousing her till that private time. You’ll build sexual tension, sidestep last minute resistance (phase 8), make sex (phase 9) something she wants, and avoid “buyer’s remorse” later.
Okay, fine. But how do arouse her during this “seventh” phase?
THAT’S an excellent question. I’ve got some stuff on all that in the “Sex” section of this website. Check it out if you’d like. But it’s basically the same principle. The more anticipation and teasing and not-rushing-into-sex you do, the more aroused she gets. Funny how that works, huh?
Turn on her mind, and her panties will follow. That’s the whole beauty of waiting till the seventh phase.
The approach and the kiss are probably the two scariest parts of the pickup, right? I mean those times are when we REALLY put ourselves out there, and when we can get rejected… bad.
And when it comes to the kiss, we don’t want to be the “bad guy” and make her feel uncomfortable. Give me a nod if you relate. So, a lot of times we just don’t do anything at all.
Of course you and I know that’s a HUGE mistake. Why?
Because if we DON’T kiss her, it’s either “What up, Friend’s Zone how’s it going?” or she’ll be like “This guy has no balls. Let me find a guy who has a pair.”
Can I tell you a story from my own life where this exact thing happened?
Back in college, before I had an ounce of a clue with women, I had one of THE most beautiful, coolest of girls in my dorm room. It went downhill from there.
We were in an upper level philosophy class together. I was a philosophy major and she was an accounting major. I was TOTALLY in love with her. Not only was this girl BEAUTIFUL with a glorious pair of tits, but she was taking an upper level philosophy class for just FUN? Holy SHIT!
The other classes I had I’d wear a sweatshirt to class. This class, I showered, shaved and made sure to wear my best shirt.
I’m not sure how I got her in my dorm room. I must have finally gotten enough courage to strike up a conversation with her by the end of the semester, found out she needed help on the final, and told her I could help. So this girl that EVERY guy on campus had a hard on for was ALONE with me in my room.
Stomach doing backflips? Check.
Now get this. When she was in my room alone with me, she plopped herself down right next to me in my love seat. There was plenty of room in that seat. But she made sure to sit RIGHT NEXT to me so her leg was touching mine. On the outside I was talking philosophy. On the inside I was like AHHHHHHHHH!
Oh, don’t worry, it gets worse.
That NIGHT… yes, she had decided to spend the night, yes she did… we were looking out my window at the stars talking. Nice and romantic. We stopped talking. Silence. What did I do? Oh, I kept talking about cheese balls or something. Mm-hmm. That was me. Fantastic.
After that night I had tried contacting her. She never returned my calls. This girl I was in LOVE with, I lost her forever. She was giving me all the signals, but I didn’t know how to kiss her.
Since then… thankfully… I learned how to go for the kiss. And the funny thing (or really sad thing if you think about it) is, it’s really, really easy. I want to share with you how right here.
She wants you to kiss her
The first lesson you can learn from my story is this. If a woman is giving you signals, GO FOR IT! Silence is what you’d call a screaming green light. She WANTS you to kiss her.
What are other good signals to look out for? If she’s been talking with you the entire time, smiling, giving you her attention. He-llo-ooo.
Another good signal? If you’re thinking “I want to kiss her,” there’s a good chance she’s thinking the same damn thing.
DO NOT ask for permission to kiss her. Baaaaad. I’ve made that mistake and lost a girl doing that too. No, just lean in for the kiss.
This is EXACTLY how.
Brush a hair out of her face. Or smell her neck and tell her how great she smells. Or touch her earrings. Or touch her necklace while allowing your fingers to lightly caress her neck. Make a comment about the earrings or necklace when you touch them. Or how great she smells.
If she doesn’t flinch when you brush her hair out of the way or when you touch her necklace, that’s another LOUD green light. Kiss her for God’s sakes.
If you want to add some really good sexual tension, try the “triangular gazing” before you kiss her.
The Triangular Gaze
It’s killer because of all the anticipation.
Here’s how to do it:
Look her in one eye, then her other eye, then down to her mouth, and back up to her eyes again. Veeeeeeeery, very seductive. Slow your movements. Slow your breath. Slow the blink of your eyes. Hold the silence. Go in 90%. She’ll come the last 10%.
And if you want to make the girl feel really “swept away” place your hands under her ears and pull her mouth to yours.
A “movie” kiss
It’s a masculine, dominant move, and it probably makes her feel like she’s in a movie having one of those passionate “movie” kisses.
But WARNING! Keep the kiss light and short at first. And ALWAYS pull away first!
Here’s an example from that female favorite “Twilight.” Watch how the vampire here pulls away first. I know, I know. It’s Twilight. But there’s a reason women FLOCK to this movie. Let’s learn from it.
Obviously you don’t have to pull away as dramatically as he does, but DO pull away first. It’s called creating sexual tension. When I watched this scene with my girl she told me she loved how he told her what to do. Being dominant and creating sexual tension… Nice. Turns women on.
Oh, and one more thing. Don’t use too much tongue when you first kiss her. Just tease her. Build anticipation. As Mystery says, the kiss is comfort-building. Kiss her too long and you let out all the sexual tension. Pull away, and you build more tension and arousal in her for you.
If you’re still intimidated and feel like you need to move your mouth before you kiss her, try Style’s routine “Evolutionary Phase Shift.” You can find it here. Scroll down towards the bottom. But keep in mind, it’s just training wheels. Crutches. You don’t really need it.
All you need is to stop talking. Look into her eyes. Brush a hair out of her face if you’d like. If she’s still looking at you, go for the kiss.
Cocky-funny, for those of you who don’t know, is the technique David DeAngelo made famous in his ebook “Double Your Dating.” The idea isn’t to kiss girls’ asses. It’s to play a certain character. A guy who’s cocky, and pushes the girl away, playfully.
Basically, it’s banter. But it’s magic when it comes to creating sexual tension.
Totally counter-intuitive, because you’d think being the perfect gentleman and being super-nice and perfect attracts chicks. Uh-uh. The reality is pushing her away, being the cocky guy who doesn’t take himself too seriously is what attracts women.
Especially when you first approach women. Banter. Within the first two sentences. You wouldn’t think it works. It’s scary because you think you’re being mean or something. But believe you me. It’s magic.
If you want to see cocky-funny in action, check out Han Solo with Leia, especially in Empire Strikes Back.
Or Rhett with Scarlett in Gone With the Wind.
Sexual tension, pulling her in and pushing her away and believing you’re the catch, is the key to creating attraction with women.