I found a fantastic link about relationship maintenance, and had to share it with you. It’s written by a man who just got divorced, and the lessons he learned. Here’s the link. And here’s a list of his 20 tips:
1) NEVER STOP COURTING/DATING
2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART
3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again.
4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her.
5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER BUT LOVE HER AS SHE IS.
6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY FOR YOUR EMOTIONS, IT’S NOT HER JOB TO MAKE YOU HAPPY.
7) NEVER BLAME YOUR WIFE
8) BE SILLY
9) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY: ROMANCE HER, MAKE HER FEEL LIKE A QUEEN.
10) LEARN TO BE AN EPIC LOVER
11) BE PRESENT, 100% ATTENTION WHEN YOU’RE WITH HER.
12) TAKE HER SEXUALLY
13) DON’T BE AFRAID OF BEING AN IDIOT.
14) GIVE HER SPACE
15) BE VULNERABLE
16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT
17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER
18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY
19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY
20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.
Again, here’s the link if you wanna check out the full article.
For example, you don’t have to drive miles and miles to go see her. Let her drive to see you. You don’t have to be the one who’s always giving her massages. Let her give you a massage. You don’t have to be the one who’s always getting her a drink. Let her get you a drink.
The reason is simple. The more she invests in you, the more she’ll fall for you.
People don’t value free. People value things they work for. Things they have to struggle a little for. Things that cost them a little something.
For good reason, too. We grow when we work for things, not when we’re handed them for free.
Here’s another reason to ask her for a favor once in a while. She’ll backwards rationalize why she’s going out of her way for you. “I must like him,” she might say to herself. And that ain’t never a bad thing, right?
If you’re thinking this sounds a lot like qualification… you’re absolutely, 100%, right. It’s just extending that idea into relationships.
Like we talked about in that little qualification discussion, her attraction grows not when we give to her, but when she gives to us.
Completely counter-intuitive. Believe me, I know.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Getting her small gifts, opening the door for her, giving her massages is great. Fantastic. And I do all that for my girl.
Just make sure you receive, too. Let her give as well.
But here’s where it gets really cool.
One of the things that attracts women… is a guy who knows where he’s going in life. A guy with purpose. A guy who’s discovered his gift and who’s working to give it to the world with all his heart.
Like the Buddha once said: “Your work is to discover your work and give yourself to it with all your heart.”
The beauuuutiful thing is you can combine this idea of qualification (i.e. asking her for a favor) and having purpose. Double whammy, baby!
For example, if your passion is music, have her pick up some guitar strings at the store for you. If you have a business of some sort, have her help you in your business in some way.
She’s investing in you, she’s helping you serve your purpose, AND you get to spend some quality time together. Can you say “attractive”? Haha
So, ask her to do little favors for you, especially when it’s connected with living your purpose. Show her mucho gratitude to her afterwards. And of course return the favor later on.
It can do wonders in keeping your relationship alive.
The best way to be an AMOG? Treat everyone with respect and kindness.
This is actually how Mystery AMOGs. He doesn’t try to tear people down to make himself feel better. He lifts everyone else up.
And guess what happens when you do that? Naturally you put yourself into a leadership role. Hostility is not necessary for dominance.
First and foremost, treat everyone with respect. See the best in people. Make them feel important. People will be cool with you in return. You’ll make friends rather than enemies.
If that doesn’t work it’s onto Plan B.
The basic idea behind Plan B (again): Don’t accept the negative frame. Replace it with a positive one.
Here are some examples. I’ll start with AMOG situations (dealing with guys) and I’ll end with Shit Tests and Bitch Shields (dealing with girls).
There’s three basic categories of technique in either situation. “Ignore,” “Meta-frame” and “Agreeing, but Reducing to the Absurd.”
1. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”
Ignore. Don’t even respond. Just keep talking about what you were talking about.
2. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”
“Cool man. Anyway.”
Less is more. Still under the “Ignore” category. The more attention you give to him, the more power you give to him. So, give the least possible attention, the least possible words, the least possible reaction.
3. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”
“That was weird. Anyway…”
Here, you stand outside their frame, judging it from a higher place. A “meta” frame. You don’t accept his frame. You see it as weird.
4. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”
“This guy you can dress him up, but you can’t take him anywhere.”
Another example of a “meta” frame. Again, notice how you don’t accept his frame. You step outside it and see it from a higher position. You see it as a social violation.
5. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”
“Yep. Doesn’t she have great taste?”
Here you actually agree with the frame but exaggerate it. The exaggeration makes his frame absurd. The technique is also known as “Yes and…” You simply agree, then exaggerate it. By doing this you’re showing his frame to be ridiculous. You’ve destroyed it with humor.
6. “Is that design on your shirt a sphincter? Man, you’re going to need somebody to protect you, mate. You’re going to have all the guys into you.”
“Dude, that’s why I rolled up on you. I need you, man. Help me, please, man. I look at you, and I just know that you were born to protect my sphincter.”
Another example of agreeing with the frame and exaggerating it to the absurd.
SHIT TESTS AND BITCH SHIELDS:
1. “Do women even like you?”
“Oh my God, you are so cute. Look at you trying to give me shit.”
Eeeeeeeeverything she does is cute. Everything. When you put a label on someone, you don’t accept their negative frame. You interpret theirs another way: her being cute. This is a type of “meta” frame.
The other advantage of specifically calling her “cute”: it creates sexual tension. Sexual tension comes from being dominant, and her being “cute.” In other words, you being masculine, she being feminine.
2. You’re talking and the girl gets all distracted.
“Hey ADD, party’s over here.”
Again, putting a label on someone interprets them in your own way. The frame goes from “you’re not very important” (her frame) to “she gets easily distracted” (your frame). You’ve stepped outside her negative frame using a “meta” frame. Nice.
3. “What kind of shirt is that?”
“Do you always wear that lipstick? Anyway…”
You’re not even answering her frame. You come up with your own. You’ve “Ignored” hers.
4. “You’re a stupid piece of shit. Get the fuck away from me!”
“That was weird.”
“Wow, that was rude.”
Same kind of “meta” frame from above. Instead of playing into her negative frame, you see it from a higher position of judgment: her being completely rude.
Another way to deal with extreme rudeness:
“Oh I get it. You probably act like this all the time, and you probably get away with it too. I don’t buy it. I think that you act like a bitch and you convince people you’re a bitch but really you’re a sensitive person. I know that you’re really a nice person but you have to act this way because a lot of dorks hit on you.”
Credit: Brad P. Here you reinterpret her bitchiness in a positive way. You turn a negative frame into a positive one. Another “meta-frame.”
5. “You’re short.”
“Yes I am. Great things come in small packages.”
Agree and replace her negative insinuation with a positive one. Your positive frame is now in charge.
6. “Do you say this to all the girls?”
“Yes, you’re the 512th person I’ve said this to today.”
Agree and exaggerate.
7. “Does this make me look fat?”
“Yeah, I wasn’t going to say anything.”
Agree and exaggerate.
8. “I have a boyfriend.”
“Maybe he can make us breakfast in bed.”
Agree and exaggerate.
“That’s cool. I have an uncle that has 5 cats. 4 blue ones and 1 red one. He dyed them blue and red. You should check it out sometime. Anyway…”
Agree and exaggerate… take it to the absurd.
9. “Will you buy me a drink?”
“I’d be happy to. But let me get to know you better first.”
Agree, but replace with your own frame. You’re not the stereotypical guy who thinks he has to buy girl’s attention (her frame). Your frame is we’re two human beings. Let’s focus on that first before getting money involved.
By the way, you can do this technique with any other demand she might place on you. In other words, rather than blindly jump through her hoops, let her jump through yours first. Then you can go through hers. That way it’s even. You’re not rewarding potentially spoiled, princess behavior. She gives and you give. For example:
“Sure, but before I do that, give me at least one compliment.”
10. Let’s say she’s giving you bad behavior and she doesn’t respond to a more good-humored response. Then factually point out what she did, and tell her you won’t stand for it:
“This is what you did. This is not cool with me. If this behavior doesn’t change, I’m gone.”
You don’t accept her frame where she thinks she can get away with whatever she wants because she’s hot. Stand outside of her self-absorbed frame, a “meta” frame, and call her on her shit… respectfully. If her behavior still doesn’t change, walk away. You’ve got bigger fish to fry. As a byproduct, this can actually create attraction… while halting bad behavior at the same time.
And that’s about it.
Each technique “Ignore,” “Meta-frame,” and “Agree to the Absurd” has this in common: they disregard a negative frame and replace it with a positive one. Never think you have to accept people’s negative frames. They are mere interpretations of reality, not reality itself. You can always create your own frame… and get things back to reality.
This way you stand up for yourself, but in a way that still treats people with respect.
Let’s say you’re getting REALLY great with women. You’ve been going out four times a week for the last eight months, you’ve been keeping track of your approaches, and girls are starting to respond BEAUTIFULLY. They’re laughing, you’re the most interesting guy in the room, and you’re making them chase.
Guess what? You’re going to have a whole new problem on your hands. More than one girl is going to want sex from you.
I know, I know. This is a problem? Haha Well, it’s a QUALITY problem.
For example, let me ask you this question. Is it okay to sleep with more than one woman at the same time?
You object you say? Well, check out my take on the whole subject.
As long as a girl knows you’ve got other women in your life, and she’s okay with that, I see absolutely nothing wrong with sleeping with multiple women at the same time.
I’ll say it again. As long as you’re HONEST about the fact that you sleep with other women and she agrees to that condition, how are you being dishonest or unethical about sleeping with other women?
And this goes without saying, but use protection. Of course.
Here’s the other side to this. If you tell a woman you’re going to be faithful to her and you both agree to these terms, then be faithful. Break up with her before you cheat on her.
But if you’re single, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with seeing multiple women. In fact, it can be a good thing.
I mean, would you buy the first shirt you try on in a store, or would you try on different ones to see which fit best? So, how are you supposed to find a woman who’s right for you if you get into a monogamous relationship with the first woman you sleep with?
Now, the big question is this. HOW do you be honest with a woman that you’re sleeping with other women in a way that doesn’t turn her off?
And let me just say right here that… not every girl is gonna love the idea. That’s okay. But you’ll be surprised how many girls will be totally okay with it. To make her feel comfortable with it, there’s definitely a right way and a wrong way to go about it.
Believe me, I’ve done the wrong way many times. So, learn from my mistakes. I’m gonna give you six steps to follow. By the way, I learned these from Brad P and Joshua Pellicier, and have field tested them myself. They work.
STEP #1. SOW THE SEED.
Sow the seed in the first ten to fifteen minutes of meeting her. You’ve got a few ways to do this.
Option #1: Banter. Joke about how you’ve got a lot of girlfriends. Or if she’s grabbing at you, tell her to take a number. Or if she says something you like, tell her you’re going to make her your Tuesday girlfriend and if she’s good, you’ll make her your Friday girlfriend (where the real fun is). Come up with your own stuff if you’d like. But play the role of a guy who’s got lots of girls in his life.
She’ll get the message on a subconscious level. Like the old adage goes, jokes have a kernel of truth.
Option #2: Tell stories. You can tell stories about how you’re from out of town, or you can tell an embarrassing story about how you’ve got girls fighting over you (see “Wrong Number” story under the “Funny Stories” section of “My Routines Collection” for an example).
Option #3. Tell her you’re polyamorous. (credit: Joshua Pellicier) This is probably the best way to go, because it’s the most upfront. No gray areas here. Here’s an example of how that exchange might go:
You: “How did your last relationship end?”
She: “Oh, he was jealous. It ended. Whatever.”
You: “I don’t have that problem anymore because I changed something about the way I’m in relationships now. But yeah… I remember what that was like and it completely sucks!”
She: Talks about jealousy, fear, lying, apathy, or selfishness.
You: “You know that doesn’t happen in a polyamorous relationship. Have you ever considered just being polyamorous with guys that make you feel that way?”
She: “What is polyamory?”
You: “Poly means many and amor means love, so polyamory means lots of loves. I have many girlfriends at the same time. They’re free to date who they want, too. And if a girl’s not comfortable with it, I don’t date her. But they all know about each other ahead of time.”
If she’s not cool with it, then you don’t date her.
STEP #2. ANSWER OBJECTIONS.
Here’s some objections you might get and how to handle them. Again, credit goes to Joshua Pellicer for this.
Objection #1: “I could never do that.”
Response: “Hey, it’s not for everyone. But if you ever meet a guy who’s good at it, I highly suggest you try it out. It’s an amazing experience because there’s no relationship drama. A lot of the girls who are dating me are doing it for the first time, and love it. Not a lot of guys know how to do it right, but if you ever run into another one, try it out. It’s fun.”
She: “Okay, yeah, I’ll try that out”
Objection #2: “Are you sleeping with all of them?”
Response: “Well, yeah, most of them. I mean I’m not going to deprive them of sex. But we also have a 100% protection rule. We always use protection. But, yeah, I’m sleeping with most of them.”
Objection #3: “What kind of girl would actually do that?”
Response: “Girls like you that are confident. They’re trying it out for the first time, and are completely comfortable with it.”
Objection #4: “Do they all know about each other?”
Response: “Absolutely. If she’s not comfortable with it, then I don’t date her. I don’t sleep with her, nothing.”
Objection #5: “So you’re cheating then?”
Response: “No. All the girls all know about each other. And they’re all cool with it. You can’t cheat. Everyone is open about seeing other people, so there’s no cheating.”
Objection #6: “So you never want to get married?”
Response: “I definitely do. I’m in a dating phase of my life. But someday I hope I get married. And someday they’ll probably get married and I hope that for them. They’ll leave and that’s okay.”
Objection #7: “What kind of girls are these girls?”
Response: “They’re from all walks of life. There’s a girl who’s from Thailand. There’s a girl who’s studying to become a CNA. There’s a girl who’s a waitress. There’s a girl who’s a real estate agent. There’s a girl who works in a bookstore. There’s a girl who’s a stripper, a hippie, and a teacher. ”
If you don’t have any girlfriends, you can say: “I’m not sleeping with all of them”… and “The girls I’ve dated in the past are from all walks of life.”
STEP 3. ESCALATE QUICKLY. Escalate physically quickly, touching often. Act the role of a seducer, not someone who’s courting her.
But when you escalate, remember to push her away, too. This creates sexual tension. Pull her in and push her away. Logic goes out the door for her. All that’s on her mind is… yum.
STEP 4. REINFORCEMENT.
This step is all-important. Women will believe your actions more than your words. If you say you don’t want a relationship, but then ACT like you’re in a relationship, she’s not going to believe your words. More important than talking about it is ACTING it.
What does that mean?
Don’t buy her dinners or do other “courting” behaviors before you sleep with her.
Don’t sleep with her more than twice a week.
Don’t call her more than twice a week.
Don’t email her more than four times a week.
These are guidelines I’ve picked up from Brad P that I’ve been found to be solid.
The more often you see a woman in a week, the more she’ll think she’s your girlfriend even if you say you don’t want one. But the less contact you have with her in a week, the more she’ll believe your words.
Here’s four other reinforcement techniques you can use that I picked up from Pellicier.
#1. Ask her opinion of other girls: “What do you think about that girl?”
#2. Fish for jealousy: “That girl is hot.” If she get jealous, bad sign. She won’t be okay with you sleeping with other girls.
#3. Don’t be available: “Hey, I won’t be available to hang out until Thursday.” If she ever asks you to cancel plans, reinforce polyamory: “Remember this is a polyamorous relationship. I’m still here for you, but on my own terms.” If that doesn’t work, run. You’ve got a jealous girl on your hands.
#4. Don’t build rapport too fast: Get things sexual fast. THEN build rapport. Too much rapport before sex can lead to hurt feelings, confusion or anger. Keep the emotional connection mellow, until later.
STEP 5. SEX.
Give her an amazing sexual experience. Give her orgasms. And she’ll keep coming back for more.
And it’s courteous to sleep with her at least twice. It shows you cared about her experience.
STEP SIX. AFTER SEX.
It’s okay to cuddle and connect with her. But connect like a friend, not a boyfriend. Keep things light with some fun banter, or go into normal conversation or light rapport, not the deep rapport.
DON’T make any plans with her. She can tell you about her problems, ask advice, share what’s going on in her life… but if she starts to talk future stuff, cut it off. Reinforce this relationship is polyamorous.
If you can, let her stay. Have breakfast. If she needs a ride, give her one.
But once she leaves, keep up the search. Don’t get too attached to one person, unless you want a monogamous relationship.
Okay, so those are the six steps.
Pick a way to sow the seed from Step #1 and incorporate it into your stack. Next time you go out, sow the seed within ten minutes. Believe in your bones you’re a catch. Act the part of a man women want. She’ll believe it on an emotional level and she’ll feel attraction. Acting the part of a man with an abundance of women in his life happens to also be THE critical piece to attracting women.
Every man should go through this experience. It raises your confidence and I’ve personally learned so much about myself and about women going through it. Also, when you do find that one good woman, it makes monogamy that much sweeter.
Just remember, when you do go through this, do it in a way that always leaves a woman better off than when you first met her.
Here’s all my routines. Check em out if you’d like.
I know there’s a lot of controversy over using routines. Here’s my take on them.
Without routines, chances are you’ll fall flat on your face. They’re icebreakers. Use them and not only will you break the ice, you can lead the conversation somewhere. Best of all, after using routines for a while, you’ll get to the point where you won’t need them anymore.
Here’s how I organized them all:
PHASE ONE: ATTRACT
A2. Banter/Neg (part 1 of 2)
1. Banter Lines
2. Funny Stories
A2. DHV (part 2 of 2)
1. Your Passion
2. Observations About Her
3. Super Optional “Bubble Gum” Routines
A3. Qualify (part 1 of 3)
1. What’s Beyond Your Looks?
2. Are You Passionate?
3. What Abilities Do You Have?
4. What Interests Do You Have?
A3. Statement of Interest (part 2 of 3)
A3. Isolate or Number Close (part 3 of 3)
1. Isolation Close
2. Number Close
PHASE TWO: COMFORT
Create an Emotional Connection
PHASE THREE: SEDUCTION
Setting a Romantic/Sensual Mood
1. Romantic Questions
2. Ross Jeffries’ Patterns
3. Sexual Subjects
Going for the Kiss
Extract to Seduction Location
END GAME: FOREPLAY AND SEX
I give you routines at every step of the way. They’re organized within the structure that I use… based on The Mystery Method, of course:
A reason for talking with her
Banter within your first TWO sentences. Communicates “I’m not trying to get you”
Initiate a topic of conversation that gives value to her
State your interest in her.
Either isolate her or make plans for a Day 2
Create an emotional connection
Kiss her… but don’t make-out yet
Invite her to a “sex location”
Build anticipation with foreplay
Give her orgasms
Attract first, create an emotional connection second, and seduce last.
If you check these routines out, use the guidelines I give you in how to practice them. I’ve practiced these the wrong way and it just confused me. The wrong way, by the way, is trying to learn too many at once. Hello paralysis. Learn from my mistake. Master just one routine at a time.
And start practicing right now. If you stay on the path being consistent, you’ll become a pickup artist to contend with. Guaranteed. Even better, the whole process will change your life. I know it did for me.
I want to share with you an idea that changed my thinking about how to be successful with women.
It came from “Double Your Dating” by David DeAngelo.
This is what he said:
“…women have a ‘shadow’ or dark side.
This dark side is secretly wanting a man that is in control of himself, his reality, and them.
But they’d never admit it – often not even to themselves.”
When I first read that, it gave me a MASSIVE jolt in my thinking.
He went on…
“But their unconscious knows and recognizes this as something that they want. They hold a kind of inner CONTEMPT for the weak people (especially men) who give them everything they want…”
A lot of us guys think we have to put a woman on a pedestal for her to like us. We have to kiss her ass. Buy her drinks at a bar to get her to talk to us. Get her flowers and jewelry to woo her. Spend lots of money on dinner before she’s even had sex with us to get sex. And later down the line if she gets upset or acts bitchy, just put up with it.
Basically, keep spoiling her like a brat.
The funny thing is, the more we do that kind of stuff, the more we turn her off. She’ll see us as “Oh, he’s just a guy I use to buy me things” or “he’s just my boy toy.” It’s counter-intuitive, but she resents and disrespects a guy who gives her too much.
I understand it’s not politically correct to say this. But what women really want is a guy who’s in charge. A guy who doesn’t put up with her bullshit and who’s not afraid to call her on it–respectfully, of course. A man who expects her to carry her own weight. Who doesn’t reward her bad behavior. Who isn’t afraid to draw boundaries.
She doesn’t want to dominate a guy. And I think you and I can agree that we don’t want to be dominated by a woman. Would that make you feel like a man? Of course not. Being in control of yourself and them (as a leader, NOT an oppressive dictator) does.
Well, good news is, a woman wants a dominate man. She might have her life together, but she still wants a man who can dominate her, someone who can rescue her, someone she can look up to. A dominate man allows her to relax, surrender, and he makes her feel like a woman.
I’ll give you a quick example.
Let’s say you approach a woman and in the middle of your opener she starts looking at her phone. Or if her friends come in, she starts talking to her friends, leaving you out.
I don’t know about you, but that’s just plain rude.
Like you, I’ve been in that situation. It sucks.
You could just go along with it.
Or, you could say something like “Hey, party’s over here” if she’s looking at her phone.
And “Introduce me to your friends, it’s the polite thing to do” if she’s talking to her friends without acknowledging you.
(Credit goes to Tyler Durgen for the first line and Mystery to the second line. I use em all the time. Veeeery effective.)
The point is, call her on her shit–respectfully.
I guarantee she’ll stop what she’s doing and she’ll make some excuse for her rudeness, then pay full attention to you. I’d put money that she’d feel more attracted to you because she might say to herself, “Here’s a man that won’t let me get away with my bullshit. This is a man I can respect.”
A woman wants a man who can take control. She doesn’t really want to be the one who has to make all the decisions or manipulate you and get her way by acting like the world revolves around her. She wants to dance with a man who takes a strong lead and who keeps her in check.
Domination is a HUGE turn on for women. You could say it’s THE key to attracting women.
I was listening to a David DeAngelo interview with a guy named Gay Hendricks about what makes a successful relationship.
Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks
Gay Hendricks is a psychologist with a PhD from Standford. He’s written a lot of books on the subject of relationships and the mind-body connection. 25 of those books were written with his wife, who’s also a psychologist. They got some acclaim when Oprah featured them together on her show. And ever heard of the underground classic “Radical Honesty“? He helped Brad Blanton publish that book. But his best credential is probably that he’s been married for like 30 years and he and his wife are still in love.
His take was it takes 3 things to keep a relationship alive.
1. Complete and total honesty. Most of us humans walk around the world deceiving others and deceiving ourselves. If you’re completely honest with her, and she’s honest with you, neither of you hide. Instead, you allow yourself to be seen completely. Transparent. That’s how you get intimacy. And that’s how you get communication.
2. Take responsibility for your own actions. We humans are also quick to criticize, point the finger and find fault with each other. We do all that before we look at ourselves and see our part in things. It always takes two to tango. If something goes awry, it’s not that she’s a bitch. You had your part to play in things. Before blaming or criticizing, look to yourself first and learn what you could have done better. She must do the same. This creates a positive environment, not a negative one. Who wants to be in a negative environment? Create a positive environment. Don’t criticize. Rather, see her good, and take responsibility for yourself.
3. Have your own life, and always seek to grow. A good relationship is one where both people can develop as human beings. Seek to grow continuously, and find a woman who wants to grow and develop herself continuously, too. Otherwise the relationship will become co-dependent and will choke you and her. Love your woman, but love her second. Don’t make your relationship #1. She’ll feel smothered. Make your deepest purpose in life #1.
4. I’d add a fourth thing: sex. Woody Allen said it best: “once the sex goes, the whole relationship goes.” Without sex, what do you have? Exactly. A friendship. Sex is a super-glue. It keeps a couple together, and it keeps the passion alive. Sex is communication. It creates physical intimacy and unity that words alone can never accomplish.
A lot of people when they get into a relationship, think all the work’s been done. Why put the effort in anymore? They stop stop looking or being their best, most attractive selves. Everything you did to win your woman by putting your best foot forward, NEVER STOP DOING.
Keep creating sexual tension, keep being interesting and being the man, have a life outside the relationship, and don’t ever stop being that obnoxious couple. Once you stop, that’s when the relationship goes south. Keep creating those wonderful feelings you felt at the beginning of a relationship. And keep seeing the best in her.
“And because she’s served with all the attentions due to a god by a lover who is not pretending otherwise but is truly in the throes of love, and because she’s disposed to be a friend of the man who’s serving her (even if she… initially rejects the lover)… she lets the man spend time with her. It is a decree of fate, you see, that bad is never friends with bad, while good cannot fail to be friends with good. Now that she allows her lover to talk and spend time with her, and the man’s good will is close at hand, the girl is amazed by it as she realizes that all the friendship she has… is nothing compared to that of this friend who’s inspired by a god.
After the lover has spent some time doing this, staying near the girl (even touching her… on occasions), then the spring… named ‘Desire’… begins to flow mightily in the lover and is partly absorbed by her, and when she is filled, it overflows and runs away outside her. Think how a breeze or an echo bounces back from a smooth solid object to its source; that is how the stream of beauty goes back to the beautiful girl and sets her aflutter. It enters through her eyes, which are its natural route to the soul; there it waters the passages for the wings, starts the wings growing, and fills the soul of the loved one with love in return. Then the girl is in love, but has no idea what she loves. She does not understand, and cannot explain, what has happened to her. It is as if she had caught an eye disease from someone else, but could not identify the cause; she does not realize that she is seeing herself in the lover as in a mirror. So when the lover is near, the girl’s pain is relieved just as the lover’s is, and when they are apart she yearns as much as she is yearned for, because she has a mirror image of love in him–‘back love’– though she neither speaks nor thinks of it as love, but as friendship. Still, her desire is nearly the same as her lover’s, though weaker: he wants to see, touch, kiss, and lie down with her; and of course, as you might expect, she acts on these desires soon after they occur..
Meanwhile… swelling with desire, confused, she hugs her lover and kisses him in delight at his great good will. And whenever they are lying together she’s completely unable, for her own part, to deny the lover any favor he might beg to have… Now if victory goes to the better elements in both their minds… their life here below is one of bliss and shared understanding.”
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to learn this learn this lesson. I’m still learning it. It’s a mindset. And it’s huge.
When you’re picking her up, get ego out of the way.
What does that mean?
Get “I’m so awesome” depending on her liking you out of your head. And get “I suck” depending on her scoffing you out of your head.
As if you want to be liked by her SO MUCH. Who’s she to be the judge of you? You know who you are. Be the one who likes HER first. Don’t wait for her to like you.
After all, who cares what she thinks of you? Like yourself. That’s all you need. Then you can worry about liking her.
What is it about ego that trips us up? Maybe it makes us focused on how we look on the outside, rather than who we really are from the inside. Not sure.
Just give her feeling good. Not in order to be liked. Not to kiss her ass. But, just to give. No strings attached. Not to get a trophy. Not to “get” her. Just to spread the good “spirit” you feel within to the world. ‘Cause it’s overflowing anyway.
We all want to feel important. But just as a gentleman lets a woman enter a building first, and lets her come first in bed, let her feel this first during a pickup. Give feeling good to her.