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How To Become A Pickup Artist

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If you wanna become a PUA, let me congratulate you. Excellent choice.

Personally, it’s helped me to become more confident around women (and people in general), self-aware, and socially savvy. Not to mention I’ve met new people, and have some FANTASTIC adventures. Which is an education in itself.

In that sense, pickup isn’t just about learning to attract or “get” women. Yes, you’ll learn how to attract women. But the real destination turns out to be about knowing yourself and becoming a more excellent man for real.

So, in case you wanted to become a PUA, I wanted to share how I became one. I don’t know if it’s THE way to become a PUA. But it worked for me. Hopefully it’ll work for you, too.

Oh and by the way, if you’re curious about the haters who poo-poo on pickup, I wrote a nine-part series defending pickup called “The Myths of Pickup” (four myths, Myth #1 has 6 chapters).

You could say this article’s the conclusion of that series. Anyway, if you have any interest, feel free to check out the other parts. Just type “myths” into this blog’s search box.

Onward. Here was my path and pitfalls along the way to becoming a PUA:

Step One: Learn pickup theory… for 1-2 months MAX

But here was a mistake I made at this step.

I spent MONTHS learning theory before I hit the field. If I were to do this journey again, I’d start sooner. ‘Cause the sooner you hit the field, the sooner you’ll get this skill down.

So, that’s why I’d recommend spending maybe only one or two months TOPS of learning the theory.

And here’re some excellent places to start:

1. David DeAngelo, Double Your Dating. Quick, easy-to-read primer on the fundamentals.

2. Neil Strauss, The Game. Neil’s story of how he became a PUA. Gives you a sense of what’s possible. Super well-written too and a fun read.

3. Mystery and Lovedrop, The Mystery of Method. Overview of pickup theory. Good read after The Game ‘cause The Game refers to Mystery Method a lot. But it’s very theoretical.

4. Neil Strauss, The Rules of the Game. Great way to get you out into the field practicing. Only downfall: the book takes you as far as the number exchange, then stops. But no fear. I’m gonna give you some other great resources for that under step two.

5. Renaissan, How to Pick up Chicks in Five Simple Steps. My own ebook takes you to the kiss close. But I emphasize practice throughout: I give you scripts, pictures, and a practice plan.

After one or two months of getting the theory down, hit the field. Here’s how…

Step Two: Practice AND study theory for 8 – 10 months.

Mystery’s famous “newbie drill” is useful here. Here’s a variation of it I had used:

1) Pick three nights of the week to go out.

Do ten approaches each night. First three are warm-ups. “Hey” counts as an approach.

2) Make a commitment which days to go out:

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday are excellent choices. Go out those days no matter what for the next 8-10 months.

If you do that, you’ll rack up 30 approaches per week, and 120 approaches per month. Within 8 months you’ll have 1,000 approaches. 500 approaches will get you good. 1,000 approaches will get you towards mastery.

But the approaches have to be quality approaches. That’s where the next part of this step comes in.

3) Reflect on your approaches.

Self-reflection will ensure you’re actually improving and make you aware of what to continue doing and what to improve on next time.

Trackers come in handy here. After each night, track your ten approaches and checkmark which fundamentals you missed and which you hit.

I can’t tell you valuable this is. It’s KEY to getting better. Here’s something else that helps with the quality of your approaches…

4) Practice in the mirror.

Oh my lordy rehearsing before hitting the field helps. It’s like a comedian rehearsing before going on stage, or a musician practicing his guitar before performing.

Like Louis Pasteur says: “success favors the prepared mind.”

If you rehearse first, you’ll go into the field with your eyes open (rather than closed). Learn from the best pickup artists like Mystery and Style. They’d rehearse before hitting the field, too.

5) On your off-days, read pickup. And banter with cashiers, baristas.

Studying theory on my off-days had helped me see what I was doing well in field, and what I needed to improve on. Then when it came time for my infield days, I’d test out what I had learned while on my days off.

I recommend you doing the same thing.

But what are some good resources to study on your off-days? Here are some of my favorites:

Pickup Resources:

Again, these are resources you can study on your off-days to SUPPLEMENT your practice. Theory can never take the place of real-world practice.

1. Lance Mason, Charismatic Conversation. Expensive, but helpful. Has visuals, scripts, and exercises. You’ll learn how to open, create sexual tension, and become funnier.

2. Brad P, 30/30 Club. Yearlong course. You do 30 approaches every month. Each month you get an audio that focuses on a step, like approaching, or sex skills. They have a $30/month plan if you don’t have a lot of cash.

Inner-Game Resources:

3. Timothy Miller, How To Want What You Have. Psychologist argues that three practices—compassion, attention, and gratitude—are the keys to inner-strength and psychological health. Fantastic book. Highly recommended.

4. Anthony deMello, Awareness/Way to Love. Another highly recommended book by a Jesuit priest. Easy to read, and potentially life-changing.

Sex Skills:

5. Alex Allman, Revolutionary Sex. Excellent ebook on sex skills. His basic premise: “listening” is key to being a great lover. Kinda like listening is key to being a great conversationalist. Lots of practical tips too.

6. David Shade, Give Women Wild, Screaming Orgasms. David Shade covers techniques from the “Deep Spot” to Dirty Talk, and gives effective frames-of-mind like: “women LOVE to get fucked” and “your biggest tool in bed isn’t your tool”…

After about 8 – 10 months or 1,000 approaches (whichever comes first), it’s time to give back.

Step Three: Teach Others.

I’ve learned more from sharing what I’ve learned than in consuming theory. Teaching will not only reinforce your learning, but you’ll be helping other guys.

What are some ways to give back?

  • Open a Blog: write about your experiences and what you’ve learned.
  • YouTube: Make videos of your approaches and what you’ve learned. This is something I’d like to do more of myself.
  • Teaching: Apply to a legitimate pickup company and teach with them.
  • eBook: Write your own ebook, and give it away for free or even sell an inexpensive version.

In the End

Not only will you have changed your life, but you can become part of a larger movement that helps guys to find their masculinity again, and to become more excellent men who attract women naturally.

 
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Posted by on November 19, 2015 in Home, Myths about Pickup, Practicing

 

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Texting Chicks

Texting Chicks
texting girl

Ah, the perfect reaction to your text

I’ve got a good-looking friend girls like a lot, and he complained to me about this problem he had texting girls.

He’d meet a girl and the interaction goes great. They wouldn’t have had sex yet, but he likes her and she likes him. In between the first meetup and the second meetup they text. And that’s where things go wrong.

“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” he said.

“Well, let me see some of your texts.”

He showed me some of them, and here’s how they read:

“How was your day?”

“How are your classes going?”

“How are you doing?”

The girls might text back, and they’ll have a factual back-and-forth. Next thing he knows, she doesn’t text him back, and he doesn’t know what happened.

Let me give you three ideas about texting chicks that I shared with him. When he tried these ideas out, he had girls texting him back and wanting to see him the next day.

1. Avoid factual conversations.

2. Instead, play-fight. By the way, what is play-fighting? Role-playing. What role do you play? You’re the prize and she’s the one chasing you. Push her away… in a make-believe way. Or, at least be a little off-the-wall and absurd about it. This’ll make her laugh, show you’ve got an edge, and it’ll create sexual tension at the same time.

3. Probably don’t need more than 3-5 back-and-forth exchanges with her. Be the first one who’s gone, if you can. Leave her wanting more.

Here are some examples, just to jog your imagination. I want to give credit where credit is due. I learned a lot about how to text from Brad P. I highly recommend his eBook, “How To Talk To Women.”

Here are some suggestions:

“I know you haven’t been able to stop thinking about me, so I figured I’d say hi.”

“Tough love is all you get.”

“One of my friends just got ass implants. I was thinking about getting some. What’s your opinion on that?”

“Stop thinking about me.”

“I’m watching The Notebook and eating a bowl of ice cream. Don’t judge me.”

“Hello beautiful.” (20 seconds later) “Oops, texted the wrong chick.”

“Hey dork/nerd.”

“What’s up creeper?”

“OMG, I just saw this squirrel in the park and it reminded me of you.”

“OMG I saw the cutest thing in a store window today! I was gonna get it for you, but I realized it was my reflection.”

“Last time I saw you, you had a booger and it was going in and out every time you breathed through your nose. Sorry I’m telling you this, I couldn’t hold it in any longer.”

“I want to do it with you. I want to get you hot and sweaty. I want to hear you breathe hard. Do you want to go jogging?”

Now, here’s what you can do RIGHT NOW to try these ideas out: (By the way, I also, found a cool blog dedicated just to this one subject: what to text a girl.)

1) Pick three of your favorite texts from this list.

2) Try them out, and watch how awesome they work.

3) Remember, role-play and make-believe. Like you’re four-years-old playing in the sandbox with her. Rather than being factual, you’re being imaginative. Play the role of the “prize” and make-believe she’s a cutie chasing you. Which means you playfully push her away.

4) You can’t interact with a girl as well on the phone as in person. So, it’s best to get off the damn phone and interact with her in person. Good rule-of-thumb: limit yourself to 3-5 back-and-forth exchanges. And if you can, be gone first.

Go out there and have a blast. ‘Cause it is.

Also, found a cool blog dedicated just to this one subject: what to text a girl.

texting-you-back

She’s texting you back big boy. Nice.

 
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Posted by on April 7, 2014 in C1-C3 Comfort, Home, Routines

 

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My Routines Collection

Here’s all my routines. Check em out if you’d like.

I know there’s a lot of controversy over using routines. Here’s my take on them.

Without routines, chances are you’ll fall flat on your face. They’re icebreakers. Use them and not only will you break the ice, you can lead the conversation somewhere. Best of all, after using routines for a while, you’ll get to the point where you won’t need them anymore.

Here’s how I organized them all:

  • PHASE ONE: ATTRACT
    • A1 Open.
      • 1. Direct
      • 2. Indirect
    • A2. Banter/Neg (part 1 of 2)
      • 1. Banter Lines
      • 2. Funny Stories
      • 3. Kino
      • 4. Contingencies
    • A2. DHV (part 2 of 2)
      • 1. Your Passion
      • 2. Observations About Her
      • 3. Super Optional “Bubble Gum” Routines
    • A3. Qualify (part 1 of 3)
      • 1. What’s Beyond Your Looks?
      • 2. Are You Passionate?
      • 3. What Abilities Do You Have?
      • 4. What Interests Do You Have?
    • A3. Statement of Interest (part 2 of 3)
    • A3. Isolate or Number Close (part 3 of 3)
      • 1. Isolation Close
      • 2. Number Close
  • PHASE TWO: COMFORT
    • Create an Emotional Connection
  • PHASE THREE: SEDUCTION
    • Setting a Romantic/Sensual Mood
      • 1. Romantic Questions
      • 2. Ross Jeffries’ Patterns
      • 3. Sexual Subjects
    • Going for the Kiss
    • Extract to Seduction Location
  • END GAME: FOREPLAY AND SEX

I give you routines at every step of the way. They’re organized within the structure that I use… based on The Mystery Method, of course:

  1. A reason for talking with her
  2. Banter within your first TWO sentences. Communicates “I’m not trying to get you”
  3. Initiate a topic of conversation that gives value to her
  4. Qualify her.
  5. State your interest in her.
  6. Either isolate her or make plans for a Day 2
  7. Create an emotional connection
  8. Kiss her… but don’t make-out yet
  9. Invite her to a “sex location”
  10. Build anticipation with foreplay
  11. Give her orgasms
  12. Afterglow

Attract first, create an emotional connection second, and seduce last.

If you check these routines out, use the guidelines I give you in how to practice them. I’ve practiced these the wrong way and it just confused me. The wrong way, by the way, is trying to learn too many at once. Hello paralysis. Learn from my mistake. Master just one routine at a time.

And start practicing right now. If you stay on the path being consistent, you’ll become a pickup artist to contend with. Guaranteed. Even better, the whole process will change your life. I know it did for me.

Let me know how it goes. And best of luck.

Yours truly,

Renaissan

 
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Posted by on October 28, 2012 in Home, Routines

 

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Pickup Product Review

There’s a lot of stuff out there on how to be more successful with women. Where do you begin? I’ve gone through a lot of it, and not all of it is created equal. I made a my personal list of what I think is the best, what’s okay, and what I liked the least. You can find it here.

For now, here’s a quick overview of how to cut through all the crap.

First, start with an overview:

  1. Double Your Dating ebook, David DeAngelo – Great overview on attraction.
  2. The Game, Neil Strauss – Inspires you for what’s possible with women.
  3. Mystery Method, Mystery – The theory and big picture behind that possibility. Watch VH-1 Pickup Artist on Amazon if you want to see the theory in action.

Second, PRACTICE. These products will help you do just that.

  1. Rules of the Game, Neil Strauss – forces you to get out into the field… but only for 30 days
  2. Charismatic Conversations, Lance Mason – THE BEST to help you get success. This product emphasizes the attract stage. Later on, I’d recommend Zero Drama Dating & 60 Minute Seductions for seduction and dating multiple women.
  3. 30/30 Club, Brad P – picks up where Rules of The Game left off. It will take you to mastery level. Forces you to make 30 approaches per month for 1 year. Online coaches to help you along the way. You get every one of his products, including his fashion stuff.

Third, while you’re out practicing, especially with the help of the 30/30 Club, you’ll have time to work on your sexual skills and inner-game. In my opinion, these are some of the best products to help you do just that.

  1. Sex:
    • Sexual Mastery, Alex Allan
    • Give Women Wild Screaming Orgasms, Hot Phone Sex, Advanced Sexual Hypnosis, David Shade – in that order.
    • Secrets of Sensual Lovemaking, Tom Leonardi
    • How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time, Nora Hayden
  2. Inner-Game/Masculinity:
    1. Inner Game
      • Way of the Superior Man, David Deida
      • How to Want What You Have, Timothy Miller
      • Awareness, Anthony DeMello
    1. Masculinity
      • No More Mr. Nice Guy, Robert Glover
      • Iron John, Robert Bly
      • Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants, Elliot Katz
    1. Skills
      • When I Say No I Feel Guilty, Manuel J. Smith – great on assertiveness.
      • How to Win Friends & Influence People, Dale Carnegie – great on general social skills.

Finally, there are three big areas of life to get together: health, wealth, and relationships. As your success with women increases, here are some products to help you get the two other areas of life under control, too.

  1. Health: p90x, Tony Horton & Beachbody
  2. Wealth:
    • Think & Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill
    • Rich Dad Poor Dad, Robert Kiyosaki
    • MarketAmerica.com, JR Ridinger

Ultimately, the change will happen not through products, but PRACTICE. Practice is the best “product” you can get. And it’s free.

 
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Posted by on September 7, 2012 in Home, Pickup Product Review

 

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Neil Strauss’ “Who’s Got Game” = Thumbs Up

Highly recommend Neil Strauss’ new game “Who’s Got Game” (created with the help of Adam Kornblum).

Before I get into the game itself, have you ever heard of the game “Cash Flow 101” by Robert Kiyosaki? It’s like monopoly, but with an educational bent to teach you how to get better with your money.

I was expecting this game to be kinda like that, but it’s not.

You won’t learn how to pickup chicks by playing this game. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a lot of fun. But it’s more like playing “Pictionary” than “Cashflow.” It’s for entertainment, not education.

The good news?

You can play this with ANYONE. Well, maybe not anyone like second graders. It’s recommended for people 18 and over, because some of the material can get a little risqué. But you can play this with your girlfriend or a group of girls, or guys who know nothing about pickup because the focus isn’t on pickup.

Basically, there’s no board. Just lots of cards and pads of paper to keep track of points.

The cards are my favorite part of the game. They include all the routines and gambits that made Neil Strauss famous as a pickup artists. There’s nine types of cards:

1. Neg Card: do a challenge, whoever does the worst… minus points

2. DHV Card: stuff like handwriting skills

3. Cold Reading Card: personality insights

4. Story Telling Card: basically, charades

5. Kino Card: physical challenges

6. Rapport Card: questions about how you think and feel

7. Conspiracy Card: you and a partner work on a task

8. Social Intelligence Card: tests people skills and morality

9. Secret Card: do a task (like get your partner to sit in your lap) in secret to gain points

Instead of using the routines to pickup a girl, you use it in a party context. For example, the cards will get a group of people to do fun things like see how well couples (or friends) know each other, how good of a back rub you give, and like in the video below a chance to act out something like in charades.

It’s fun.

And there’s still a use for guys who want to learn pick-up, too. All the material on those cards is stuff you can create your own material from to use out in the field.

It’s got value for everyone. You can use it in a non-pickup environment. And you can use it to create your own icebreakers. Highly recommended.

To find out more about the game, you can click here. And if you want to purchase it on Amazon, you can click here. I think it goes for like thirty bucks.

Oh, and one last thing. I tried playing the game just me and my girl. It was fun, but we both agreed we should have listened to the instructions: play it with at least four people. Like charades, the game requires you to have two teams of people. It’s best with at least four people.

 
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Posted by on July 23, 2012 in Home, Pickup Product Review

 

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How to Practice Pickup

To get better with women, you gotta approach women. It’s the only way to success with women.

What’s that you say? Some men are above that?

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, you’re serious.

Well, lemme tell ya. NO man is born being great at women. The whole concept of some guys just born naturally good with women? Bullshit. B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T. Buuuuuullshit. EVERYONE has to learn it.

Hanging out with guys who are good with women helps. But the BEST way to learn is going out there and approaching women.

Let me say this again, but in a different way, cause it’s important.

Your best teacher ain’t books or blogs like this one. They might kinda take the place of learning from a guy who’s decent with women. I mean, seeing a guy who’s good with women IN ACTION is better. But your best teacher isn’t even that.

It’s actually getting out there approaching women.

It’s scary. I’ll give you that. Even the guys who are the best with women… man, I don’t think anyone starts out totally comfortable talking to strangers. It’s uncomfortable. But to become an attractive man, that’s what you gotta do. Get good at talking with strangers.

But how?

I’ll give you two plans right here, and right now.

The first plan is a warm up, before going into bars and clubs. In fact, in the first plan, you’re not allowed to go into clubs or bars at all to pick up chicks.

The second plan you will go into bars and clubs. But the objective still isn’t to pick up chicks. It’s just to get a skill. Getting women attracted along the way will just be a cool by product. Haha

Before I give you the two plans, let me give credit where credit is due. Plan #1 comes from Lance Mason’s Pick 101 and Plan #2 is based on Mystery’s Newbie Drill. And they both work like gangbusters.

PLAN #1

STEP #1. Take a 15-30 minute walk everyday for 30 days. Rain or shine, EVERY DAY. Find a park, a street with shops on it, a mall, anywhere that people can be found.

STEP #2. Smile. Smile at everyone. I know it might feel weird at first, but the idea is to practice being friendly. When you see a woman of particular beauty, looking her in the eye and smiling will be a natural.

STEP #3. Say “Hello” to at least one person. It does NOT matter if they say “Hello” back or even look up. Who cares if you get a reaction? Your objective isn’t a reaction. Your objective is simply to be friendly. If they can’t be friendly back, that’s their problem, not yours.

STEP #4. The first woman you see on your walk, stop her to talk. Extend the conversation past hello. You can say something as simple as “Beautiful day.”

Once you say that, you can vamoose. No need to say anything else. Feel free to stay and talk, if things are going great.

STEP #5. Keep a checklist each day. Make a list numbered 1 – 30. Make three columns named: “30 min walk,” “Hello,” and “Conversation.” Check one box if you took a walk, one box if you greeted one person with a “hello,” and one box for stopping a woman and talking with her. If you want, you can just download this tracker I made for you. Plan #1 Tracker

Give yourself a HUGE pat on the back when you’ve got three checks. That’s awesome. Ever notice how we like to be hard on ourselves, forgetting to look at the GOOD we’ve done? Celebrating your victories, however small, creates this positive feedback loop that puts you on the path to success.

Again, don’t worry about impressing anyone. Just 1) smile, 2) be friendly, 3) get comfortable talking with strangers. That’s it. It’s even okay to say something as “boring” as:

“How’s your day going?”

You’re not trying to create attraction. You’re just being open, friendly, and kind to everyone. If a girl has something to do that prevents her from talking, that’s totally cool. Wish her a good day and move on.

What you’ll find–surprise surprise–is people are actually pretty friendly. As Lance once pointed out, even shy people want contact with each other. And most people are polite enough to engage in conversations. Women don’t want to be rude to you, especially if you are genuinely friendly, genuinely good-intentioned, and not trying to trick her.

Do this drill for 30 days. Once you reach the end of your thirty days, you’ll find you’ve just established yourself a great habit, that might just change your life for the better.

You’re ready for plan #2.

PLAN #2

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Once you are comfortable talking to strangers and women, add attraction to the mix. The #1 tool for attraction is BANTER, or what Mystery calls NEGS. Here’s the plan.

STEP #1: Create a stack (a script) that includes 1 Banter line/neg, 1 DHV (a conversation starter), and 1 Qualifier (a question). Go over the stack 5x to get it into your memory.

STEP #2: Practice this stack in the mirror 5x to get your body language good.

STEP #3: Pick 4 nights a week to go out on. Commit to going out on those nights NO MATTER WHAT for at least 90 days. This is like an exercise program.

STEP #4: Make 10 approaches each night using your stack. The first 3 approaches are just warm-ups to get you into a talkative mood. If you don’t get through your stack, it’s okay. An approach can be as simple as “Hey.”

STEP #5: When you get home, keep track of your approaches. What will differentiate a great pickup artist from a good one is the action of keeping track. It helps you to reflect and it keeps you on track.

Here’s how to make a tracker for Plan #2: (If you want you can just download this tracker I made for you, too. Plan #2 Tracker pdf

Make a list and number it 1 – 40. These will be your approaches for one week. Make sure to date the week.

Make seven columns named: “Venue,” “Set,” “Neg,” “DHV,” “Qualify,” “Result,” & “Notes.”

Under “venue,” record where you made your approach.

Under “set” record how many people were in the group you had approached, even if it’s only 1.

Under “Neg,” “DHV,” and “Qualify” check these off if you did them in your set. If things didn’t go well, chances are you didn’t do one of these things.

For “Result,” make yourself a key. Credit goes to Brad P for this. For example, “B” = blowout, “>5” = if the conversation lasted under 5 minutes, and “<5” = if it lasted more than 5 minutes. You can also add stuff like “#” for number close (best way for a # close is simply to say: “You seem really cool. Are you single?”), “K” for kiss close, and so on. Under “Result” keep track of your results.

Under “Notes” jot down any notes, like stuff that went good or stuff you need to improve on. Recognize the mistakes and know what to do better next time, but ALWAYS make sure to celebrate the good, too.

This will add up to forty approaches a week, 160 approaches per month, and 480 approaches in 90 days.  If you keep this up for a year, you’ll have close to 2,000 approaches. You will taste mastery. Guaranteed.

So, right now, make that checklist for Plan #1, and commit to making a daily walk for 30 days. Then start a walk NOW. You’ll see how fun and easy it is. You’re on your way.

Practice is the only way to success with women. All the great pickup artists went through the same exact drills. The cool thing is… after a while, it’s not even about women. It’s about knowing who are more, and becoming your best self.

And that’s what being an attractive man is all about.

 
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Posted by on July 20, 2012 in Home, Practicing, Trackers

 

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Mirror Technique

Let me give you the BEST technique EVER for practicing your gambits.

Practice in the mirror.

Simple as that.

I first read about this technique in a book called “The Magic of Believing” by Claude Bristol.

This is what Bristol said. Winston Churchill practiced in the mirror before he ever made a speech of importance.  Billy Sunday would practice in the mirror before his famous sermons. He’d bound across the room, gripping his table, lecturing his reflection in the mirror.

When I was a kid I used to do theater, and I noticed actors would ALWAYS rehearse in the mirror before getting on stage.

And when I was learning pickup, I found that whenever I practiced my gambits in the mirror before hitting the field my sets went AWESOME! It’s because I could see myself. When I didn’t practice in the mirror beforehand it was like I was going in blind. My success rate plummeted.

Pickup is like being on stage. So why not practice in the mirror first?

Now, why does this damn technique work so well?

This is my theory, at least.

First, you’re speaking with your subconscious.

The subconscious communicates best through pictures and symbols.  So, by creating a positive picture of yourself in the mirror, you give your subconscious a clear and positive command to fulfill. Then when you’re actually in set, your subconscious will make those positive messages come true.

Bonus: others will pick up on the positive messages on a subconscious level, too. ATTRACTION!

Second, you’re increasing your self-awareness.

You see what you’re doing well and you see all your cricks. The more self-aware you are, i.e. the more you can SEE yourself, the stronger you’ll be. You won’t be thrown off kilter when people sling shit at you.

Third, you create good habits in solitude.

You’re like a musician practicing before he performs. Or a basketball player practicing his foul shots. You create good habits in peace. Then those habits will be automatic in the field. When you encounter the “dissonance” of the field, you can handle it. You’re equanimous.

I mean look at it. When you think about it, what is confidence really? You’re confident driving a car, right? That’s because you’ve done it a thousand times. It’s automatic. Same thing when you create good habits. You’re capable and at home.

Here’s how to do the technique.

1. Look at yourself in the mirror. See how fucking AWESOME you are. Notice the transfiguration take place.

2. Do the gambits on yourself. Rehearse your words and voice. Observe your body language.

3. Tweak your presentation… until you get something that makes even you feel “attraction.”

4. Apply the gambits in field. This will drill all your learning into your bones. It’s like the bar exam.

This is THE technique that made me succeed in my approaches. Hands down.

Try it out… right now. Pick a banter line, a DHV, and a qualifier. Practice them in that order until you see an approach that KICKS ASS. Then go out and practice that one stack in the field.

Your success rate will sky-rocket. Guaranteed. Half the battle of approach anxiety is psychological. Take care of all that before you step on the field, in the mirror. It’s some of the best time you can spend. You’ll become more self-aware, and you’ll be ready for anything.

 
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Posted by on July 16, 2012 in Home, Practicing

 

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Mystery’s Delivery

What’s the best way to DELIVER gambits?

Oooooh man. EXCELLENT question!

I’ll tell you why that’s an excellent question. Attraction don’t happen just in the words you say.

Words do matter, or course. However, it’s not JUST the words that create attraction. Attraction happens EVEN MORE in the DELIVERY. The subtext. How you speak. How you carry yourself. You sub-communicate to women what you’re feeling inside–whether you’re confident or insecure–in the way you carry yourself.

Deliver your gambits with a lot of hesitation or looking at the ground or talking too fast, and you’ll make women feel uncomfortable. Your sets will crash and burn. However, deliver your gambits with confidence, and the women will wanna keep talking to you. Hello attraction, how are you?

I gotta tell you this quick story about delivery. Haha

As you may or may not know I’m a junior coach for Mystery’s school, Venusian Arts. In our training seminar, Lovedrop told us this story. (Lovedrop was the ghostwriter for Mystery’s bestselling book “The Mystery Method.”)

When Matador (Mystery’s wingman who’s now a famous pickup artist himself) was first learning this stuff he got really frustrated with Mystery. He’d say the exact stuff Mystery would say, yet Mystery got the hottest girls more than him. He couldn’t understand why. So, one night he just mimicked Mystery for the hell of it, the way he talked and all that. To his SHOCK, the hot woman started facing him directly, touching him, asking him questions…

Then Lovedrop told us: “I don’t know if a lot of guys realize how important DELIVERY is. It’s one of the most important things you can learn when attracting women.”

So, what exactly is delivery? It starts with your inner-game. How you feel. What you’re feeling will seep into your words without your knowing it. So, on one end it’s about being calm, authoritative, anchored.

On the other end, it’s about being a great story-teller. Slow down at parts of a story when there’s a lot of suspense. Speed up when there’s a lot of excitement. Act out the dialogue. Put FEELING into your words.

We all know women are feeling creatures. They’re sensitive to emotions. If you feel uncomfortable, she’ll feel uncomfortable. She won’t want to be around those feelings. If you feel comfortable and great, she’ll feel comfortable and great. She’ll want to be around those “feel good” emotions. ‘Cause they’re feeling creatures.

Now, listen to this. Women attract us largely by her looks. We attract women largely by how we make a woman FEEL. Keep that in mind when you deliver gambits. Give her “feeling good.”

But I know saying “feel good inside” isn’t super concrete and practical advice and verges on the airy fairy.

So, check out the master himself at work, Mystery. Watch how he delivers this gambit. Copy him. And it WILL affect the way YOU feel inside. The quality of your approaches will sky-rocket.

The Gambit starts at about 1:47

So what do you think? What works about Mystery’s delivery?

Everyone says he speaks slowly and enthusiastically.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. That really helps. Thanks.

I think it’s more than that.

Notice how he speaks with control and purpose, which allows him to be expressive. If one speaks fast how can one express anything other than fear?

Mystery speaks like a pianist who doesn’t rush to the next measure, but listens to himself play—which allows the pianist to linger on certain spots or on certain colors that are particularly beautiful to him… as if he’s pausing to smell the roses.

Mystery speaks like a soccer player who doesn’t blindly dribble the ball down the field, but lifts his head to see the entire field—which allows the soccer player to see who to pass the ball to or where to go next in the most strategic way.

Mystery speaks like Spider-Man in the first movie where everything slows down for him—which allows Peter Parker to see things so clearly that he ducks Flash Gordon’s punches.

The scene ends at about 1:21

Okay, so maybe this is the same as saying Mystery speaks slowly and enthusiastically.  But when I watch him what strikes me is the inner mind-set he has to speak so hypnotically.

He doesn’t seem to be anxious about what others might think of him.  He doesn’t think “Do they like me?” “Am I doing a good job?”

Hell, no.

He seems to walk step-by-step through the beautiful structure of logic. He enjoys his own journey along the way. Savoring the beauty, emotion, wonder, and fascination of it all seems to be more important to him than what others might think of him.

As a result, he comes across as articulate and clear-thinking, as well as someone with AUTHORITY (veeeeeery attractive), self-control, purpose, and strength (“I don’t care what others think of me” is strong).

All that’s incredibly attractive to women.

So, try this right now. Pick your favorite gambit. Practice in the mirror. And copy Mystery’s style of delivery. You’re like an apprentice artist copying a master until you find your own style/voice. Practice speaking calmly, as well as speaking with enthusiasm and emotion.

Not only will you attract women, but it will make you feel more confident inside.

 
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Posted by on July 13, 2012 in Home, Practicing

 

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On Practicing Gambits

“Success depends upon previous preparation, and without such preparation there is sure to be failure.” — Confucius

“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” ― Benjamin Franklin

“Spectacular achievement is always preceded by unspectacular preparation.” ― Robert H. Schuller

To have a successful approach, be prepared.

All of us get approach anxiety. It’s fucking scary. Be-lieeeeeeve me, I know. Those of us guys who actually grit our teeth and approach–awesome! But a lot of us still don’t know where to take the interaction, and we’ll run out of things to say. Ever happened to you? Sure as hell happened to me. Then we run away with our tail between our legs, and hope to never approach again.

Blagh (that’s a throw-up sound).

Solution?

Be prepared BEFORE you approach. Know where you wanna take an interaction. By the way, your goal is qualification. Qualification is the turning point of an interaction from the attraction phase to comfort. In addition to knowing where you’re gonna take things, you also gotta know what you’re going to say.

In other words, BE PREPARED. Your chances of a successful approach will go up in proportion to how prepared you are.

Knowing each thing you’re going to say is called a “gambit.”

What’s a gambit?

The word comes from the game of chess. Remember, pickup is like chess. It’s an intellectual game that takes strategy. That’s why it’s NEVER recommended to drink alcohol when you’re out picking up (unless you’re Tucker Max). You need your mind to be as clear and sober as possible.

Anyway, the word comes from the Italian gambetto, literally, the act of tripping someone, from gamba leg (source: http://www.merriam-webster.com). The word was originally used in 1561 by a Spanish priest Rúy López de Segura, from an Italian expression dare il gambetto (to put a leg forward in order to trip someone). The Italian word gained the Spanish form gambito that led to French gambit, which has influenced the English spelling of the word. (source: wikipedia)

In chess, a gambit is when a player offers his opponent one or more pawns to gain an advantage in position at the beginning. It can be either ‘accepted’ or ‘declined.’

The Benko Gambit, a well-respected gambit. Credit: chesscorner.com

Conversation soon borrowed the word. In conversation, it can be a remark to open up a conversation. It’s a stratagem. It can be a word or phrase which helps one express what he or she is trying to say. In pickup, it can be as simple as a roll-off.
                                                                                                                                                                 There are 3 categories of gambits for the attract phase:
Category 1: Sexual tension (negs, banter lines, role play). Short term attraction.
Category 2: DHVs (stories). Substantive, long-term attraction.  What kind of person you are…
Category 3: Qualifier (questions). What kind of person is she?
                                                                                                                                                                  I can hear the eye-rolling. Memorizing gambits? That’s silly. Things should be spontaneous. That’s what I thought too. But consider these three arguments why it’s not silly.
                                                                                                                                                            First of all, hoping good conversation magically just happens? Are you serious? That’s a passive way of looking at things. Man, take leadership, and make a good conversation happen.
                                                                                                                                                                Second of all, check out this beautiful passage from the novel “Immortality” by Milan Kundera:

“If our planet has seen some eighty billion people, it is difficult to suppose that every individual has had his or her own repertory of gestures. Arithmetically, it is simply impossible. Without a doubt, there are far fewer gestures in the world than there are individuals… We could put it in the form of an aphorism: many people, few gestures.”

We all use gambits without our being aware of it. The language we use, the jokes, the sayings, the facial expressions, the gestures… how many of them are truly original, and how many are borrowed and learned?

Third of all, learning gambits is like learning to play a musical instrument, like piano. You learn a piece and practice it until it flows out of you naturally. You don’t just play it, but you play it. In the process, you become familiar with the language of music. Soon, the piece becomes yours. It becomes spontaneous. It becomes art. And when you learn gambits, you’ll pick up the language of attraction.

So, learning gambits is like learning to play a piece of music. It’s like training to become a musician or artist.  Even Michelangelo or Donatello copied the great masters in order create their own masterpieces.

So, here’s how to practice gambits.

First, pick ONLY ONE gambit from each category. Pick more than that and you’ll confuse yourself. You’ll suffer from analysis paralysis.

Second, practice the 3 gambits. Practice each 5 times by yourself to memorize them. Practice the delivery 5 times in front of the mirror to get the body language and facial expressions right. Now you’re ready to try em in the field. Practice each 5 times in the field.

When memorizing, try to understand what the gambit is trying to say. You don’t have to memorize word for word, but understand the theme. That way you can create your own, and it can flow out of you naturally. The fun of learning gambits is handling them so your own voice shines through.

Third, choose 3 new gambits. After you’ve practiced each gambit a total of 15 times, or it feels like it’s yours, you may pick a new gambit from each category. Step-by-step you’ll have a full repertoire to work with.  Mystery once said he has about 300 gambits in his head ready at any time. But it took time to get to that point.

Practice your gambits each day like a musician practices his scales or a basketball player practices his foul shots, until this attraction language becomes a second language.

Approach anxiety? Gone. You’ll find you can’t wait to try out new gambits on the girl who works in a coffee shop, a cashier, the bartender, a group of girls in the lounge, whoever. It won’t be about “getting” her, but just sharing a little joy. And that’s the key to a successful approach.

 
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Posted by on July 8, 2012 in Home, Practicing

 

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On Being Successful with Women

I’ve been having the most success with women I’ve ever had in my life. So, I had to ask myself WHY? What the hell happened? I’m basically the same person. What changed? The answer that came to me was that if I never had gotten out into the field I wouldn’t have grown.

Practice is the way to success with women. Practice, reflecting, and having a solid resource. Theoretical knowledge of seduction by itself is like 5% of the battle. With practice it can be useful, but practicing and learning from the field is the way to success.

Because I’m a junior coach at VenusianArts.com and I knew I’d have to get evaluated by Mystery and I’d have to clock in between 500-1000 approaches, I made it a habit to get out into the field and practice. It was like committing to an exercise program for 90 days.

I’d practice not just in bars and clubs but with any and every woman I’d meet throughout the day, cashiers, waitresses, even old ladies, whatever. I busted my ass figuring out a structure to use, so I wouldn’t be just an asshole going up to a woman flapping my mouth without a direction. I practiced in the mirror. I kept track of my approaches and referred to a resource to help me understand where I was going right and where I was going wrong.

For the first 3-4 months it was painful. In my opinion, pickup can be one of the hardest things someone can do because of the emotional pain of rejection one has to endure. But I pushed through the pain and kept approaching. Soon, I discovered that banter, self-disclosure, qualification, and kino were the key to success. And soon, practicing became fun.

But if I had never gotten out and failed over and over again with women, I would not be where I am now. I thank God for all those failures. Because they were my best teachers. Believe me, I’ve got ample room for growth. But practicing being more successful with women seems to have been the key to the success I’m finally having with women. There are no short cuts. Discipline is freedom.

 
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Posted by on April 9, 2012 in Home, Practicing

 

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