Australian model Sophie Turner leaving her hotel and heading to judge the Cambridge Style Week in Cambridge, England.
To attract a Sophie Turner, we need our fashion to be in gear. Right?
It’s funny ’cause, as you and I know, attraction works differently for women. If a woman’s hot enough, she could be wearing the tackiest outfit from OK! Magazine and we’d still want her.
Not so for a woman.
A guy could be six feet tall, have perfect teeth, eight-pack abs, but if he’s wearing white socks with black shoes, she’ll instantly be like, “um no.”
So, to attract a Sophie Turner, we NEED to have our fashion in gear.
Now, fashion isn’t the whole story when it comes to attracting chicks. Of course not. But it IS a fundamental. Clothes sends a message about ourselves before we open our mouths. One of them being: “if his fashion is together, he must be together. He’s got status.”
Women DO judge a book by its cover. It’s helpful to have an attractive cover.
But if you’re anything like me, you’re not huge into fashion. For the longest time I had zero interest in it. Thought it was unmanly. That’s about the time I also had zero success with women. Since I learned pickup, I learned improving your fashion doesn’t make you any less of a man. Just the opposite. Makes you more of an adult man.
Think James Bond. Is he unmanly? Course not. Yet he’s got his fashion in gear.
Before I share with you what I’ve learned about fashion let me say: I’m no fashion god. But learning these Dos and Don’ts have been SUPER helpful to me. So, of course I wanted to pass them along to you, too.
Again, the benefit of following these guidelines: you’ll feel more confident. And it attracts women before you open your mouth.
Okay, here they are:
::: DON’Ts :::
1. Don’t wear clothes that don’t fit right.
Don’t wear clothes that are too baggy. Wear clothes that show your shape. Even get rid of clothes that fit ALMOST right. Keep clothes that fit EXACTLY right.
2. Don’t button your shirt all the way up.
Button all the way up looks nerdy. Not to mention stuffy.
Martin Short showing us what happens when we button all the way up. Not the best look in the world.
3. Don’t unbutton your shirt too far down.
Unbutton too far down, like douchey. And like Tom Jones.
Don’t unbutton your shirt too low either. Good rule of thumb to follow: Don’t unbutton more than two buttons.
Always leave the top button undone. For a more relaxed look, you can leave the second one undone. But don’t unbutton more than two buttons.
4. Don’t tuck in sweaters, T-shirts, or sports jerseys.
If these are your outer layer, don’t you DARE tuck these in. Unless you intentionally want to look ridiculous. The only shirts to tuck in are button-down shirts. We’ll talk more about when to tuck these in, in the DOs section.
5. Don’t wear Sneakers.
Shoes and Boots are better than sneakers. Some sneakers are okay, like Diesel or Puma. But stick to shoes and boots. They look more masculine.
6. Don’t wear Sandals.
Plastic flip flops are a no-no. High-end sandals are okay in places like Florida or Hawaii. Otherwise sandals are a no-no. Girls don’t like seeing guys’s ugly toes. On a related note, absolutely DO NOT wear socks… especially white socks… with sandals. This screams “Goober.”
These scream “Mr. Nice Guy.” There’s no edge to them. Jeans are the best things to wear at a bar.
10. Don’t wear pants that have a sagging crotch.
It looks sloppy. And you look like an old man.
Beware the sagging crotch.
Wear pants that FIT.
Jeans with no sagging crotch. Much better.
11. Don’t wear free T-Shirts from advertisers and businesses.
These make you look cheap… like you’ll wear whatever you get for free.
And they make you look like a billboard. It also kinda says you lack your own personality. Don’t do it.
12. Don’t wear T-Shirts with Vulgar Sayings and Negative Connotations.
These messages associate you with seventh grade humor. And they send a negative message about you before you’ve even opened your mouth.
Don’t do it. Please.
13. Don’t wear the same color head to foot.
Variety of color pleases the eye. Don’t go monochrome.
14. Don’t wear white Socks with Black Shoes.
Match your sock-color to your pants-color. Michael Jackson got away with white socks and black shoes because he wanted to draw attention to his feet when dancing. If you don’t have Michael Jackson’s dance moves… at the very least… wear black socks with black shoes.
::: DOs :::
1. Make sure your clothes fit.
Again, wear clothes that show your shape.
This communicates you’re a sexual person. And that you’re sexually comfortable.
2. Always look your best.
Joe Manganiello (from “True Blood”) looking his best.
Even if you’re going grocery shopping. You never know when you’re going to run into a woman you want to attract. Plus it does something to your confidence when you look your best.
3. Evaluate yourself in the mirror before going out.
Make sure there’s no lint. No bulges in pocket. Clothes are ironed. Also… nose hairs are trimmed. Haha
4. Wear things that have no purpose.
Like jewelry, hats, wristbands.
Johnny Depp sporting items of clothing that serve no purpose, like his wrist band, ring, and handkerchief. His hat is also more for ornamentation.
This is what Brad P calls “sexual ornamentation.” (See his excellent ebook “Brad P’s Fashion Bible” for more.) This relates to the next item…
5. Wear at least one interesting piece of clothing, no more than two.
Have a showpiece in your outfit.
The blazer and scarf are examples of show pieces.
The idea is if you have the COURAGE to stand out. Learn from the peacock.
Unique button-down shirt.
They grab your attention. They’re unusual. They show boldness of attitude. Adventurousness. Fearlessness. Standing out from the crowd. Sometimes they make you stand-out so much that women approach YOU. That takes care of the most challenging parts of the pickup. Nice!
WARNING: If you have no showpieces, your outfit will be boring. And you risk blending in. And if you have more than two showpieces, you’ll be too busy. Like this guy below:
This guy probably has too many show pieces on: sunglasses, wrist band, necklace, scarf, jacket, designer pants. His only supporting piece is the T-shirt. Result: too busy.
The eye can focus on so many things at once. Stick to one, two maximum, showpieces.
6. Wear supporting pieces.
Wear supporting pieces. They support the show pieces.
Johnny Depp’s supporting pieces: T-shirt, jeans, boots.
Plain white T-shirt.
They’re not meant to grab your attention. They’re high-quality pieces of clothing, but they’re more plain. They’re meant to support the one or two “show” pieces.
Rule #1– stay away from bright, neon, vibrant colors.
These come off feminine.
Rule #2– don’t wear colors that blend too much with your skin tone.
For example, if you have a dark skin tone, stay away from dark tones. If you have an olive complexion, stay away from olive-colors. If you have pale skin, stay away from pinks, reds, oranges, yellows. Better to have colors that contrast and complement your skin tone.
Rule #3– be aware what color you wear says about you–
Pink/Peach: Upbeat, calm… by the way, pink is totally acceptable.
Black: Authority and elegance.
White: Virtue and cleanliness.
Blue: Trustworthy and intellectual.
Yellow: Alertness and optimism.
Burgundy: Passion and luxury.
Gray: Class and efficiency…
Gray is also a neutral color, and goes great with a lot of other colors. Black and white are also go with virtually any color, too.
The simplest rule is this. A belt should match your shoes in color and finish. Shiny shoes demand a shiny belt. Matte shoes demand a matte belt. Black shoes demand a black belt.
And here’s another great rule about taking care of your belt: Belts should always hang vertically. A lot of guys leave belts in their pants. I know I have. If you do, you’ll curve and damage the seams.
One last rule. Don’t wear a shirt tucked in your pants without a belt.
9. Tucked vs. Untucked.
Rule #1– Look at the hem of the shirt. Does it dip or is it straight across?
If the hem of the shirt dips in the front, and in the back, the shirt is meant to be tucked in. It’s a business shirt. The dip is there to keep the shirt tucked in.
See that large dip in the shirt on the right? Shirt’s meant to be tucked in.
If the hem is straight across, and there’s a split in the side, it’s meant to be untucked. It’s a casual shirt.
The shirt on the right has a hem with a slight split in the side. You know you can wear that untucked. (The shirt on the left falls too far down the crotch to be left untucked.)
There are also shirts, like from Express, that can be both tucked AND untucked. The hem has a SLIGHT dip in the front and back, so you can tuck or untuck.
This is a shirt from Express that can be tucked or untucked. You can tell it can be both by the slight dip in the front and back.
Rule #2– Does the hem cover most of the crotch?
If the hem covers most of the crotch, it’s too long. Tuck it in.
If the hem is less than half-way you can keep it untucked OR tuck if you’d like.
Rule #3– Do you want to go for a polished look or a casual look?
A tucked shirt gives you a polished look.
KEEP IN MIND: too polished, you risk looking effeminate. But there IS a time and a place to be polished. For example, formal occasions or first impressions. Here, polished says: “put together.”
An untucked shirt gives you a casual look.
KEEP IN MIND: casual tends to put people at ease. And a more rugged look makes you look more masculine. There’s also a time and a place for casual, too. Like informal occasions.
OPTIONAL IF YOU GO UNTUCKED: unbutton the top two buttons. Roll up the sleeves no higher than mid-bicep. This’ll give you a cool, casual look.
Ryan Gosling sporting the mid-bicep sleeve roll. Highly recommended look.(Just don’t roll the sleeves any further than this.)
BONUS: Make sure the arm of your shirt isn’t too long or too short. See pic below:
Rule #4– What’s the rise of your pants? High or low?
If the rise of your pants is high, leave the shirt untucked. Unless you wanna look like Urkel.
If the rise of your pants is low, it’s safer to tuck.
Also, look at the environment you’re going into. If it’s formal, tuck. If it’s casual, it’s safe to untuck. That’s a good decider.
I myself prefer untucked because it sends a more relaxed message.
Rule #5– You can tuck and untuck at the same time.
Here’re some pictures to show you what this looks like:
The tucked/untucked look.
David Beckham killing the tucked/untucked look.
Another prime example of the tucked/untucked look.
Rule #1– When in doubt, match your socks color to your pants color.
Rule #2– Wear black socks with black shoes.
Purists say to extend socks over calves to prevent your bare leg from being exposed while sitting. It’s not necessary. But avoid wearing tennis socks with shoes.
Rule #3– Wear tennis socks with sneakers.
Visible socks with sneakers make you look like a kindergartener.
Rule #4– Wear NO socks with sandals.
Rule #5– DO wear socks when your toes don’t show.
Foot and shoe moisture attract fungi, viruses, and other bacteria. Socks are good.
The form beneath your clothes make your fashion pop. So if you’ve got a good body it makes your clothes look better. I wrote a post on how to build muscle and lose fat over here. But a great place to start is p90x or p90x3. Those programs got me in the best shape of my life.
In any event, a great body is universally appealing. It makes you look healthy, sexually ready, and like your life is together.
Muscle is masculine. All of that attracts.
12. Change your wardrobe every 2 years.
Keep up with the times. Styles are constantly changing.
13. Check out these stores.
> Diesel: Good for many sexy stereotypes.
> H&M: Rapidly changing rack. Inexpensive. But falls apart in a year.
> Century 21: Good closeout deals on “label” clothes.
> Express: Stay away from “Modern Fit” shirts (too loose). Go for “Fitted” shirts. You’ll find great styles here.
> Abercrombie: Their muscle shirts will show off your shape well.
> Nordstorm’s: Great prices on sales rack.
> Urban Outfitters: good for supporting pieces
> Bloomingdale’s: Best department store (stay away from JC Penny and Sears. Macy’s is so-so.)
14. Model guys who dress well.
Pick a movie star you admire and steal his style. Copy it. It’s a great place to start.
::: Things You Can Do Right Now :::
1. Get rid of anything in your closet that doesn’t fit right.
Even stuff the “almost” fits. Get rid of it. Donate them to like Good Will or Salvation Army.
2. Find a movie star you admire.
Choose two or three of his favorite get-ups. Copy it. That is, list the accessories (or “show pieces”) he has on as well as his supporting pieces. Then…
3. Go to a few of the stores I listed above and buy the items on your list.
H&M is an inexpensive place to start. Bloomingdale and Macy’s has a variety of brands and clothing items to choose from. They’re good places to start. Here’re some classic staples to get if you don’t have them already:
Jewelry (like necklace or wrist bands)
Button down shirt (a white one is a staple)
4. Try on your new style.
The coolest thing is you’ll feel like a new man. If your friends and family give you shit, ignore them. It’s sad, but people we know sometimes try to hold us back… especially when we’re bettering ourselves. It’s their egos at work. Keep experimenting with your fashion and bettering yourself. Don’t let them hold you back.
5. Check out other resources if you need.
HIGHLY recommend Brad P’s “Fashion Bible.” I learned a lot of what I know now from that ebook. Plus I’ve also got more on fashion in my ebook “The Mystery of Women” coming out in the fall of this year (2015), too.
::: Do it! :::
When a guy gets his fashion in gear, here’s the result. 😉
It’s always easier to judge something on the surface. It makes you feel righteous and superior. But that’s vulgar understanding, and it always misunderstands. Real understanding looks for the good, and isn’t quick to throw things into moralistic categories. It’s harder to do, but you get closer to reality.
Now, let me say here at the outset. I’m not saying the Mystery Method is the “one and only” method. Of course there’re always more than one way to do something. But some methods work better than others. I know MM works. In my experience, it’s the fundamentals of game. And that’s the case I’d like to make to you below.
Here’s Phil showing Hercules the fundamentals. I could almost hear him echoing Michael Jordan’s words: “Get away from fundamentals… the bottom can fall out of your game. Get the fundamentals down and the level of everything you do will rise. Once you’ve got the fundamentals down, you’ve got a solid foundation to build on.”
Why would some say it’s obsolete then? They’re victims of marketing. Marketers are usually the ones saying the Mystery Method’s obsolete.
Marketers love the word “new.” So do customers. When we see words like: “My NEW product and method is improved!” We want it more.
By saying one method’s out-of-date, marketers attempt to link pain with it. By saying “their” method is up-to-date and better, they attempt to link pleasure with it. To make you buy.
It’s the old case of tear down the “popular” guy to make yourself look more desirable. Very sportsman-like. Not.
And for guys who want to learn how to be more successful with women, these marketing messages just ends up confusing us. Worse, we’ll buy the “new, shinny” product, and it sucks.
So, let me kill this completely false message the Mystery Method’s obsolete. I want to assure you not to be fooled. Fundamentals don’t go obsolete.
To do this, I wrote a fictionalized dialogue between “Introverted Playboy” and I. It was based on a real-life spat. He’s another blogger, and he had commented on this video I had posted.
By the way, he recently changed his blogging name to Justin Attraction, and he now goes by that name. That was about two or three weeks ago (about 7/20/14 or and it’s 8/7/14 now). But because I had been working on this post before he changed his name (since about the end of May), I kept his old one below.
Anyway, you’ll see both our points-of-view below.
Warning: what I wrote might be a little long. Okay, no, it IS long. So, you might wanna grab a cold one. Along the way, we’ll definitely nail down the fundamentals of game.
The Introverted Playboy, now known as “Justin Attraction.” The dialogue below is between him and me.
Quick note about “Introverted Playboy/Justin Attraction” Respect to him. He’s an author and a coach. He’s smart, he puts out sound stuff, and he gets great testimonials. He’s off-base to claim MM is obsolete, but respect still goes out to him.
Anyway, back to you. I hope I’ve portrayed his viewpoint fairly, so you can decide the question yourself.
What I think you’ll see is this: these marketing messages are intellectual masturbation. Useless in the real world, with the added bonus of being paralyzing.
Worse, I can’t help wonder if those who’ve been duped by the hype have even tried MM? And justify their fear of not trying it with these rationalizations? I don’t know.
Check it out for yourself. If nothing else, I pasted some cool pics and videos into the post. If you don’t want to read all this, I don’t blame you, but check those out. I think you’ll still get a sense of the argument.
Again, the argument: MM isn’t obsolete because they go over the fundamentals of game.
CHAPTER ONE. MYSTERY METHOD ISN’T THE “ONE” WAY, BUT *IS* FLEXIBLE
He’s gotten a lot of publicity, but that doesn’t mean his is the “only” way.
Introverted Playboy: Mystery had good ideas but most of them are obsolete.
Renaissan: You’re absolutely wrong. Most of Mystery’s ideas aren’t obsolete, because they’re about the fundamentals of pickup and seduction. Fundamentals don’t become obsolete.
IP: Well, much of it is.
Ren: Like what?
IP: That my method is THE method. That there’s only one way. To say “this is the only way” is simply wrong, because there’s more than one way.
Ren: There’s only one way? I wasn’t aware of that. Or that Mystery ever claimed that.
IP: Doesn’t the Mystery Method say you must approach indirectly?
Ren: Mystery prefers the indirect approach himself, but you can use MM with a direct opener, too. An approach depends on the context. If a woman’s alone, giving a compliment can work better than going direct. If she’s in a group indirect can be easier. I use a combination of direct and indirect approaches myself.
IP: How can you use both a direct and an indirect approach at the same time?
Ren: They’re a difference in energy. A direct opener’s sincere and serious. Again, it’s best done with one girl. An indirect opener’s a more playful energy. It’s targeted to more than one girl, or groups, because it doesn’t alienate anyone. The other advantage of going in with a playful energy is it lets you approach more sets.
That’s probably why Mystery likes the indirect approach best. It doesn’t alienate, and allows him to approach more.
Again, you can still do the Mystery Method with a direct opener.
IP: Well, his methods are marketed as the be-all and end-all of attraction and seduction.
Ren: It is? Wasn’t aware of that one either. Which specific marketers are you talking about? The marketing messages I see are the ones that diss the Mystery Method, not that it’s the be-all and end-all of attraction.
IP: Remember how MM was billed “how to get beautiful women into bed”? As if it was the final word in the matter? But what it really is, is: a highly specialized method for a particular kind of guy in a particular context.
Ren: Uh, that was the subtitle of of Mystery’s first book, yes.
No where in this book, or in the subtitle of his book, does he claim to have the “only” way.
But who said it was the final word in the matter? I believe you added those words in yourself. I’ve read that book four times. Never saw that claim anywhere. Sounds like your own interpretation.
Also, if you ever listen to Mystery, you’ll hear him say he developed the method for himself, because it worked for him. He happened to teach it to other guys, and it caught on like wildfire. I’ve never heard him claim it’s the final word in the matter. I HAVE heard him say he’s excited to learn from other pickups artists, though.
What’s funny is many of those guys Mystery taught his method went on to open their own pickup companies. They then dissed MM saying it was obsolete and called their game “Natural.” *Cough* Vin DiCarlo and Gambler *Cough* Even though they’re super theoretical and use MM. Why? To make sales. It’s a marketing technique.
IP: Well, MM was developed for specific contexts. Night game in Los Angeles and Las Vegas mostly, and for the goal of dating women in the short-term. They don’t work in other contexts like daytime, shopping malls, low-energy situations, and for other goals like same night lays vs. long-term dating.
Ren: Hahahahaha! Oh, you’re serious. Um, no. Mystery has approached women all over the world, in the day, in the night, high-energy places, low-energy places. He’s gotten same night lays, he’s had long-term relationships. And obviously he used his method to do it.
Same with me. I’ve used MM in every context you can imagine. The mall, bars, coffee shops. I’ve had same night lays, threesomes, foursomes, picked up strippers. And I’m in New England, a completely different culture than LA or Vegas. MM works, man. Why? They’re about universals that cut across time and culture.
CHAPTER TWO. CAN GAME HAVE UNIVERSALS?
IP: We have to be very careful with the idea of “game universals.” What works for one guy may not work for another. MM is one style, one strategy, out of many that could work depending on a guy’s status, approaching different kinds of girls with different personalities. There’s more than one way to skin a cat.
Ren: There are many paths up a mountain, but you still need some basics to get to the top. In game, if you don’t have sexual tension, emotional connection, masculine energy, you ain’t going nowhere with a girl. Whatever your style of skinning a cat is, you’ve gotta have fundamentals. And fundamentals are what MM’s about.
IP: Okay, I agree there are some game universals. But we have to be careful. Style is a universal, peacocking is not. Flirting is a universal, negging and disqualification is not. Status is a universal, preselection is not.
Ren: Do you even know what peacocking, negging and preselection are?
This is peacocking. Wear one or two interesting items of clothing. Here Johnny Depp wears an interesting bracelet, an interesting hat. His T-shirt and his jeans (that you can’t see in this pic) are “supporting” pieces.
IP: Peacocking is hilarious, and I guess it can be useful. But it’s basically dressing really weird and bizarre to stand out.
Ren: A common misperception. Peacocking is one of the basics of style. Which is wear one or two interesting items of clothing with supporting pieces. A supporting piece can be a pair of jeans, or a shirt, nothing that stands out. An interesting item is something that stands out, like a necklace or even a cool tie. Something that makes you go “wow” or “that’s kinda different” or “that’s pretty cool.”
It’s a basic of style because, these one or two items make you stand out from the herd of generic, Mr. Nice Guys who dress the same. You don’t have to go nuts here. Peacocking just shows you’ve got an edge and the balls to be a little different. That’s an attractive attitude to communicate through your clothing.
Bonus: they make great icebreakers, too. If you’re wearing a cool necklace or an interesting hairdo, you’ll find girls will opening you. “Cool tie,” she might say.
Just because Mystery has his own unique kind of style doesn’t mean you have to dress exactly like him. You can model other stylish people, a movie star you admire, a rock star you like, a character from a movie you’d like to be like. The point’s to break out of the generic Mr Nice Guy clothing, and take a few chances.
Okay, what about negging. What’s your understanding of that?
Below’s a classic example of play-fighting (or negging) — done with music!
IP: It disqualifies yourself from being a potential suitor. They can take the form of subtle insults to lower a girl’s self-esteem.
Ren: God, no! Another misunderstanding. You’re right they’re meant to disqualify you from being a potential suitor, you’re wrong to say they’re meant to lower girl’s self-esteem. Negs is just banter, man. No big thing.
They’re like what the philosopher Baudrillard once said about seduction:
“Challenge, not desire, is the key to seduction.”
Jean Baudrillard, the French postmodern philosopher (1927-2007). His most famous book is “Simulacra and Simulation,” but he also wrote a book called “Seduction.”
It’s making yourself into a bit of a challenge.
Animals play-fight with each other all the time.
Play-fighting. What negging is.
That’s what negs are. Play-fighting. It’s HARMLESS.
Or, it’s like one of my favorite quotes from the movie Tao of Steve:
“We purse that which retreats from us.”
Negs really negate yourself, not her. It’s about pulling away from her to draw her in.
Probably the best thing they do is
It’s the complete opposite of what most other guys do when they:
ask “can I buy you a drink?”
ask “so where are you from?”
tell a girl “you’ve got great tits, wanna fuck?”
give her a bunch of generic compliments: “you’re so pretty.”
get obsessed with “that one girl”…
Instead, a neg does two things:
communicates to her friends: “I’m not after your hot friend,” or as you said it “disqualifies you from being a potential suitor.” At the same time you…
play-fight with the hot friend, creating sexual tension with her.
It’s FLIRTING. The argument’s over a word, a label.
Mystery coined the term “neg” for play-fighting, banter, playing hide ’n’ seek, catch me if you can. Whatever you call it. For what you do when you create sexual tension.
To her friends it looks like you’re not getting along, and their “bitch shields” don’t activate. But below the surface you and your target are feeling this sexual charge.
You can see negs in romantic comedies. In the beginning the two leads usually don’t get along. Their playful conflict and dissonance creates chemistry. Later they fall in love.
EXAMPLES OF ROMANTIC COMEDIES WHERE THE LEADS DON’T GET ALONG AT FIRST BUT FALL IN LOVE LATER (i.e. “negs”)
10 Things I Hate About You (1999)
How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days (2003)
The Proposal (2009)
When Harry Met Sally (1989)
That’s what negs are. Playful conflict. It adds spice to an interaction.
It’s NEVER meant to insult women. If you insult a woman, you’re a dick and you’re doing it wrong. If she’s laughing and hitting your arm, well done. You’re negging on each other.
IP: I get that. But the problem with negs is that so much of a successful neg comes down to tone and the spirit you’re saying it with. The same exact line, spoken in one way will come across as insulting and arrogant, and in another way will be playful and fun.
Ren: So? Is that any reason not to try it? Because you might not get it “perfect” the first time? So what if you fuck up? That’s how we learn. By fucking up.
Besides, it’s such an easy fix.
If your attitude is one of an arrogant prick, of course negs aren’t gonna work. Be playful.
If you’re an arrogant shit and you look down on people, then ANYTHING you say will come off as arrogant and insulting. Negs aren’t the problem, then. It’s your attitude.
But if your attitude’s playful and positive, that is you feel great and want to share that great feeling with everyone else, that attitude will come off, too. Even better, as Lance Mason from “Art of Attraction” once said:
“Positive energy is the male equivalent of cleavage.”
Having positive energy is the male equivalent of cleavage. It attracts.
The key to attraction is having a positive energy. That’s why smiling and laughter and giving “feeling good” and social freedom’s so important. It’s a pleasurable feeling that women’ll link to you.
But if your attitude’s playful, and all you want to do is put a smile on a girl’s face, and you don’t look down on people, that attitude will come off, too. It’ll be fun.
That problem you’re talking about has more to do with attitude, not negs.
I was nervous when I first tried negs, but the payoff’s been fantastic. It’s helped me cure my “nice guy syndrome,” become more assertive, be more playful, not to mention I’ve learned how to be funnier. Take the risk, break out of your comfort zone, and try ‘em. It’s worth it.
Negs, or being a playful challenge, is a fundamental to game.
IP: Well, what I don’t like is Mystery frames disqualification as utterly necessary. But in reality, tons of guys succeed by just being totally honest and direct about what they want.
They approach a girl, tell her she’s hot, escalate, and case closed. Disqualification is just one option. It works in some cases, with some women, for some guys. It’s not universally always true.
Ren: Wrong again. Like we talked about, you always need sexual tension. Tension comes from conflict, like tug-o-war. Tug-o-war doesn’t happen by saying to the other team “You guys are so strong and wonderful. I’ll surrender to you.” Then the rope goes all slack. No. Tug-o-war happens when both sides tug.
Sexual tension is like playing tug-o-war. This picture is NOT an example of sexual tension. When sex or romance gets mixed in, the tug-o-war turns into sexual tension.
Don’t get me wrong. Being honest is great. I’m all for honesty. I’m honest and direct when I approach. But then I immediately inject some playful conflict, too. Otherwise the interaction becomes dull.
Also, when you pull away slightly, it creates want. What’s the nature of wanting?
Not having. When you have, the wanting goes away. So, being a bit of a challenge makes people want more. Again, it’s a fundamental of game.
Besides, who doesn’t enjoy some laughter, and that cliff-hanger feeling where you don’t know what’s going to happen next?
Okay, okay, okay. You’ve brought us back this issue of the direct versus indirect opener. Cool, whatever. You can do MM with a direct approach, no problem. You said tons of guys do go direct without any disqualification. Which guys did you have in mind?
Each one of these guys approached ONE girl in the DAY. So, they opened with direct openers.
Ren: Every one of those guys approached ONE girl during the DAY. I thought we talked about this already. Of course, a direct approach IS more ideal in that context. If you’re going to approach groups of women, the game changes a bit.
Direct honesty is the way to go during the day. All I’m saying is it’s helpful to throw a little playful challenge in there, too. To make things interesting, to make her chase, to make her want.
IP: Well, here’s the other thing. Mystery’s game is so conversation-focused. There are tons of guys that focus on physical escalation, with minimal talking, and are successful.
Ren: I’m not sure who you have in mind, but I know Matador has a really physical game. And guess what? He was a student of Mystery’s. So what?
3. Quick Sex
Why scrape the barrel…
…when you could have this?
IP: Well, what if you’re looking for simple, quick sex, with little interest in getting to know a girl or developing a deep connection? Sometimes a girl’s horny and wants any guy to sleep with. You don’t need all these weird tactics. You just need to be in the right place at the right time.
Ren: I guess, but why would you want to just go for anyone, like sloppy drunk chicks? MM’s designed to pick up quality girls, the 9’s and 10’s. And part of MM is to be selective about the women you have sex with, to have sex with a girl you’d actually want to see again.
But, hey, if you want to go for the 5’s and 6’s, you can still use MM, too.
For me, the point of learning game isn’t to scrape the barrel and get laid by just anyone, but to learn a life skill and grow as a man.
IP: And what if the 9 or 10 happens to be a sloppy drunk?
Ren: She won’t be much of a 9 or 10 anymore. And kinda illegal if you took her home.
IP: The idea that hot girls are fundamentally “different” from other girls is a common fallacy. The same woman can be all dolled up in a nightclub and get hit on by lots of guys, but then Sunday morning at the coffee shop with no makeup and sweats, suddenly she’s considered less hot. Same girl. All women function in the same way.
Ren: Women and men function in the same way because we’re all human and we all want love. Why stop there? But to ignore the fact that 9’s and 10’s get more attention is just ignoring reality.
Girls who get more attention, get hit on more, get more breaks in life because they’re genetic freaks have a different psychology than a girl who’s been ignored all her life. So, there is a difference between approaching a 9 or 10 versus a 6 or 7.
IP: Every man has a different definition of hotness. One man’s 10 is another man’s 6. There’s a lot of subjectivity there.
Ren: Maybe some guys are into fat chicks. But put a fat chick on the cover of a magazine, I doubt it would sell as well. All of us know the difference between a 10 and a 6.
And ever heard about that experiment done on infants? Where scientists showed them pictures of average faces versus “beautiful” faces? The babies gazed on the beautiful faces more. There’s a lot more objectivity to beauty than you think. You know that. C’mon, man.
Grace Kelly. That’s a pretty beautiful face. Wouldn’t you say? Or is beauty just relative?
IP: I really, REALLY don’t like the number system for various reasons, but that’s for another discussion.
You’re absolutely right, there is such a thing as objective beauty. But objective beauty lies in things like symmetry, a certain wait-hip ratio, clear skin, healthy-looking hair, and so on.
So, although there are clear-cut objective, universal factors, there are still MANY factors that are subjective. That’s why I say one man’s 10 is another’s 6.
There are so many examples. I know one guy who ONLY dates black and hispanic chicks. I know another guy who only dates east asian chicks. No doubt they both respond to symmetry, but they have very different physical tastes nevertheless.
Look at the difference between, say, Taylor Swift and Beyonce. Personally I consider them both very beautiful. But they are also VERY different looking—skin color, body proportions, hair texture, facial features.
A guy who like big tits and ass will probably prefer Beyonce to Taylor. While Taylor will get lots of guys going, that particular guy would probably not even notice her in a bar.
Ren: Yes, gourmet food is gourmet food, but some might prefer filet mignon over lemon herb chicken. Who cares? My point is there are 9’s and 10’s. It’s not harder to attract 9’s and 10’s, it’s just different. There’s a little more play-fighting involved.
And that learning game is more than about getting laid. We may have all gotten in game for that originally. But it’s really about breaking the comfort zone, learning a life skill, growing as a man.
Ren: What about preselection? What’s your understanding of that? I’m guessing you think that’s another obsolete idea?
From Robert Cialdini’s book “Influence.” According to his research on marketing, there are six basic weapons of psychological influence: Reciprocity; Commitment (and Consistency); Social Proof; Liking; Authority; Scarcity.
IP: Again, Mystery mentions this as one of the core necessities to attract a woman. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned past girlfriends or anything similar to a girl, at least not before sex. Rather than essential I see it as entirely optional. And sometimes detrimental. Because it can come off as bragging or in poor taste.
Ren: You’ve gotta read Cialdini’s “Influence” some time. He writes about six psychological factors that makes people want stuff. One of them is social proof. If lots of people want a product, it makes others want it, too. That’s all preselection is. Social proof.
An example of social proof.
And who said anything about bragging? Preselection addresses a pitfall a lot of guys fall into. That is, talking bad about their ex-girlfriends. He don’t realize that just makes him look bad.
Or, talking about how no women like him, and he’s a loser.
Chris Farley portraying himself negatively… not exactly the way to attract women:
How could talking about yourself in this way possibly attract a woman?
The point is, negative talk about yourself and ex-girlfriends isn’t attractive. It’s like trying to sell a product by saying it sucks and no one likes it.
On the other hand, you can talk well about your ex-girlfriends, and yourself. For example, you can mention a girlfriend in passing. And talk well of her. Or, you can present yourself in such a way that you’re successful with them.
Don Juan DeMarco portraying himself positively by showing he has a clue with women… slightly more effective
No bragging, man. Just being conscious to replace negative talk with positive talk. How you can benefit her.
And you can take all that up a notch. If a woman sees you surrounded by women, it might pique her curiosity. She might think: “If he has value for her, he might have value for me.”
It’s an effective strategy.
There’s a great scene in “Legally Blonde” that illustrates this, too. To show the principle goes beyond MM:
Reese Witherspoon helps a guy attract a girl he’s interested. The girl’s not interested. Reese pretends he gave her pleasure, then broke her heart. Next thing you know, the girl’s interested in him. Elle Woods understood preselection.
Elle Woods demonstrating Social Proof:
You don’t have to use this strategy. But if you know people gravitate to what others want, why not use it?
IP: Maybe you can “pique her curiosity,” but it’s not guaranteed and it’s not essential. It’s totally optional. Also, it works great for certain girls, such as many who are very status-conscious, but not as well for others.
Ren: Brother, you couldn’t be more wrong. Preselection has NOTHING to do with “status-conscious” girls. It has everything to do with human psychology.
And if you don’t want to use preselection, cool. I don’t care. To me, you’d be like a guy who only wants to play “Mary Had A Little Lamb” on the piano. Sure, he can get by. But why not expand your horizons and learn a little Mozart? If you understand this piece of psychology, you can use it to make your game even tighter.
IP: Preselection brings up something else that’s been nullified by subsequent lessons in recent years, and that’s Mystery’s take on evolutionary psychology. For example, his ideas about being the “tribal leader.” You don’t necessarily have to be the biggest, more powerful guy in the room to pickup women.
5. Evolutionary Psychology and High-Status
Ren: So, now you’re saying you don’t need a lot of masculine energy to attract a woman?
I agree with you on one point. Evolutionary psychology. I’m not a fan of it myself. Ever since I read Lewontin’s “Biology As Ideology.”
This book, by a Harvard geneticist, makes a very convincing critique of evolutionary psychology
David DeAngelo talks a lot about evolutionary psychology too, and it always makes my eyes glaze over. But I’ve never needed to believe in those myths to practice pickup.
That said, I DO think Mystery’s idea of the “tribal leader” is super-useful out in the field.
IP: Dude, “Tribal Leader” IS evolutionary psychology. He talks about ancient tribes and how the instincts that evolved in that prehistorical environment are still relevant today, and so on. That’s evolutionary psychology.
Ren: That’s the psycho-babble decorating a deeper truth. That women are attracted to masculine energy, especially to a high-status male rather than a low-status one.
There’s a joke, and I think it comes from Chris Rock but I’m not sure, where if Bill Clinton were working in a 7-11, women wouldn’t find him attractive anymore.
You could almost add to that: even if Hillary were president of the United States, guys still wouldn’t find her attractive. But it doesn’t matter if Candice Swanepoel were working in 7-11, she’d still be hot.
Candice Swanepoel. Wouldn’t matter if she worked at 7-11, would it?
IP: So, how do you convey high-status in the field? Brag?
That attracts chicks like cah-ra-zy. The way youth, facial symmetry, waist-hip ratio attracts guys.
Women find a survivor quality attractive because it’s masculine. It shows he’s strong enough to take care of her.
Wolverine: A man who can survive and who can protect. The idea is that’s masculine, and masculinity attracts women.
Men find a replicative quality attractive in a chicks because it’s feminine. Or it’s a sign of fertility.
Whatever the reason, being aware of the difference between how guys get attracted and women get attracted is super-useful in the field.
IP: Well, survival and replication is all part of evolutionary psychology. Which is fine. But to say it has nothing to do with pickup is silly.
Ren: You just totally missed my point. First, you don’t have to believe in evolutionary psychology to practice this idea. The idea being looks attract guys more, and having high-status attracts chicks more than looks. What I was trying to say was, you don’t need evolutionary psycho-babble to practice that.
IP: I agree status can make a big difference. But status is FLUID and dependent on context, as well as on the girl’s preferences.
A tatted-up 19-year-old hipster with a crappy part-time job into the indie rock scene is likely to have a VERY different conception of “status” than a 28-year-old preppy Harvard grad who works with a lobbying firm in D.C.
Accordingly, two very different kinds of men will be considered highly attractive to them. And note that both of these girls can be super-hot.
Ren: We can keep returning to this theme of relativism versus universals until we’re blue in the face. It’s still a cop-out.
Maybe a 19-year-old hipster has different taste in men than a 28-year-old Harvard grad. But strength, confidence, and masculinity are universals that’ll attract a woman no matter what. Whether she’s a tenured professor or a 19-year old college student.
IP: Well, if you say “status” is just about confidence, body language, and swagger, that’s hardly revolutionary and we don’t need MM to tell us that.
Ren: I wasn’t arguing that “confidence attracts women” is what’s revolutionary about MM. What’s revolutionary about MM is it’s a practice that helps guys GET that confidence and swagger.
You said at the beginning of all this Mystery had some good ideas. Out of curiosity, which did you have in mind?
CHAPTER THREE. IF MM IS *MOSTLY* OBSOLETE, IS THERE ANY GOOD?
The “good” of The Mystery Method, according to Introverted Playboy: Mystery was the first to take a scientific approach. If that were true, what about all the academics who’ve taken a scientific approach to attraction before him? (Arthur Aron, Hellen Fisher, Desmond Morris, Lucy Brown, David Buss, Geoffery Miller, Margaret Meade, John Gottman… to name a few.)
IP: The GOOD thing that Mystery introduced, and this WAS revolutionary, was the notion we should take a scientific approach to understanding attraction.
Ren: Scientific approach? You mean evolutionary psychology?
IP: No, he gave us a different take on women than, for example, “what my uncle said about the birds and bees.” Which is what most male discussion about attraction was based on for generations to that point. This scientific approach was indeed novel.
Ren: Not sure if I follow.
IP: You could take your uncle’s word for it, OR you could look critically at the evidence and see what’s really going on. And see that status, for example, is part of what attracts girls. But there’s also more to the story.
Ren: Okay, so you do think status attracts women.
IP: I guess so.
Ren: My point: saying MM’s obsolete is dangerous because some might be tempted to throw out the baby out with the bathwater, and the fundamentals that go along with it.
IP: I do think people who dismiss MM out-of-hand run the risk of throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
But over time we’ve learned that only some of it you need, some of it is optional, some of it is only necessary in a certain context. And some of it will work great in some cases and actually be harmful in other.
Maybe obsolete isn’t the right word. Maybe incomplete or inadequate, or “not the whole story” would have been better.
CHAPTER FOUR. MM IS COMPREHENSIVE
Ren: Woooooow. That’s EXACTLY what’s awesome about MM. It IS comprehensive. It’s a guideline of what to do from meet to sex. It has the same structure as the beginning-middle-end of a story.
Mystery with a diagram of his method. Looks complicated, but the idea’s simple: attract first (A), build comfort second (C), save seduction for last (S). More on this below.
Like storytellers, pickup artists can use the MM structure to give them the freedom to use his imagination to create his own “stories” with his own style.
There’s so much flexibility within the MM structure. As evidenced by all the guys who came after and added to him.
How else do you explain why Mystery’s trained more master pickup artists than any other? OR changed the lives of countless men who felt they were hopeless with women, like me?
IP: All the respect to Mystery, no doubt. But look at what happened with many of those guys—they wound up developing their own styles and methods. You look at someone like Tyler Durden/RSD, for instance, and what he teaches now bears almost no resemblance to MM, as far as infield action.
1. MM’s Comprehensive Allows For Different Styles
Ren: So? That’s how it is with any art. A teacher teaches you a skill, but you don’t master it until you make it your own. RSD may have their own style, but they still use the fundamentals of MM: create sexual tension, be the man, entice her to chase, attract first, build comfort second, seduce last.
IP: Remember there were and are tons of guys who did not succeed with MM, and eventually turned to other things, or turned their back on game altogether and joined PUAHate and whatnot.
Ren: If a guy starts learning piano and gives up does that invalidate piano? Just means he gave up.
If a guy doesn’t make the basketball team, does it invalidate basketball? Just means he didn’t make the cut.
If a guy never got his black-belt in martial arts, does it invalidate martial arts? It means he stopped going.
Same with people who had turned to PUAHate. Instead of looking at himself and how he could he improve, he blames an outside force, gets bitter and instead of growing just complains. It’s called sour grapes.
“Sour Grapes make the best whine.” Hehe. So damn true. Especially for the guys over at puahate.com.
Now, if MM is as specialized as you say, how do you explain him having his own TV show?
IP: Don’t go by TV. They’re in it for shock value and entertainment and money, nothing more.
Ren: Blanket statement, maybe? I’m not citing TV as an authority. I’m talking from the producer’s point-of-view. If I’m a producer who wants to create a show that appeals to a mass audience, I’d want it it to have mass appeal. If MM was so specialized, how could he have that mass appeal?
Maybe our disagreements boil down to where we’ve been practicing game. Maybe your focus has been on one-on-one day game, whereas my practice has revolved around approaching women in groups at night.
IP: I do approach small groups, 2-3 max. But I approach those groups usually with wing men available. I generally avoid mixed sets.
Ren: Maybe that’s why you say MM is obsolete, then. Because you’re afraid of trying it out. It’s definitely a different energy during the day. I know trying out MM’s been a life-changer for me.
IP: Note the higher energy in the night. More physical style like RSD succeed very well in the night game, so again it’s relative.
Ren: I feel like we’re going around in circles. We already established that. No one’s arguing you only have to approach indirectly. MM is just a proven guideline that works, a flexible structure with fundamentals. You can adapt that to all sorts of contexts.
IP: Well, a lot of it was off the mark, and other PUAs have learned it’s unnecessary. You say it’s comprehensive, but it’s not.
2. MM Shows All The Classic Mistakes Men Make With Women
The Mr. Nice Guy who approaches in comfort: “come here often?” By skipping attraction.
Below, the Nice Guy: he opens in comfort without bothering to spark interest/attraction first. And he hides the fact he’s being nice to get sex.
The Creepy Guy who approaches in seduction: “let’s fuck,” or just stares with lust. By skipping attraction and comfort and opening in seduction.
The Creepy Guy. He opens in Seduction, before attracting or building comfort.
The guy who attracts, but gets stuck in comfort because he doesn’t kino escalate: the Friend Zone. By opening in attraction, builds comfort never moves to seduction.
The Friend Zone. He may have attracted her and built comfort, but he stays in comfort because he fears physically escalating.
The Player who attracts, but skips comfort and rushes to seduction: girl feeling buyer’s remorse, not returning his calls. By opening in attraction but skipping comfort.
The Player. He attracts, but skips comfort, and goes straight for seduction. He might get sex and rack up the women, but they usually have buyer’s remorse afterwards.
The idea is so damn simple.
Attract a woman FIRST before seducing or building comfort. Get some sexual chemistry going.
Build comfort and get to know her, second.
Then make a move (never in public, always in private) into a mutual seduction, third.
Simple, elegant, practical. Explains each mistake and how to solve them.
Also, it shows guys what the mating ritual looks like.
Every time we fall in love, regardless of place, time, we go through this process. We’re first attracted. We get to know the person. Then we seduce.
In fact, Desmond Morris, the zoologist who studied human behavior like any other animal, observed in “The Naked Ape” that the human mating ritual goes through three phases:
Pair formation (courtship, or the attraction and comfort phases),
Precopulatory activity (foreplay), and
He says it’s not always done in that order. For example, look at pre-arranged marriages. Husband and wife have sex before building a connection. But couples in a sexual relationship do go through the stages eventually.
Morris also observed that courtship last waaaay longer in humans than in animals.
Desmond Morris, the zoologist, made a similar observation as Mystery: the human mating ritual goes through three main stages.
What was before a mysterious process about HOW to be more successful with women on purpose (not on accident), has become like turning on the light in the dark so we’re not fumbling around.
Like a story structure, you fill MM out however you like. Just like the universal structure of story. Just as there are an infinite amount of stories, there are an infinite amount of ways to fill out MM.
3. MM Is Linear AND Cyclical
IP: Attraction-Comfort-Seduction. I personally find that model too linear. I think of the seduction process as more cyclical.
IP: Yes, balancing comfort and stimulation.
Ren: Um, that’s already part of MM. He calls it microcalibration. Even in comfort you’ve still got to be a bit of a challenge. Throughout attraction, comfort, and seduction you balance the “neg” part of things with interest, appreciation, connection.
Mystery on Microcalibration: the “cyclical” aspect of MM
In fact, that right there is THE unifying principle that binds attraction-comfort-and seduction together. As well as taking the lead and being the man all along the way.
IP: My way is so much simpler. I discuss my model of attraction and seduction in my ebook Introverted Seduction.
Ren: Yeah, “Introverted Seduction.” Why do you call yourself “Introverted Playboy” anyway, and your book “Introverted Seduction”?
The point isn’t to stay introverted or extroverted, but to grow.
IP: Because it’s geared towards introverts. Introverted guys have unique challenges and strengths in game. People think we have a handicap in game, but with practice, we can excel. We just have to play to our strengths, and not act like extroverts.
So, my book’s about how you don’t have to wear furry hats, paint your fingernails black, run routines, or neg. It’s meant for men who like to spend time alone and enjoy quiet conversations with one or two people. So I wrote this book about how introverts can succeed with women.
Ren: By remaining introverted.
IP: Right. Be true to who you are.
Ren: First of all, you’re confusing the man with the method. Mystery the man has that style. You can still have your own style and learn MM. MM, on the other hand, is just a guideline you can adapt to fit that style of yours.
Second, did Jung have in mind to stay introverted when he invented those labels “Introversion” and “Extroversion”? I thought his point was to become a more integrated human being. Not to remain the same. To integrate some of the energy you’re deficient into your personality, so you can grow.
Carl Jung (1875-1961), the psychologist who invented the terms “introvert” and “extrovert.” We might lead with one temperament, but we have the ability to be both. The point is to integrate both energies into our personalities.
IP: No, it’s about knowing your strengths and playing to those. It’s about not pretending to be someone you’re not, and being true to yourself.
Ren: Mystery was a big-time introvert before he taught himself game. To this day he’s an introvert. You have to be to invent something like MM. But he also now knows how to be outgoing, too. In other words, he’s become a more “whole” person.
Same with Neil Strauss. Big-time introvert before he learned game. After he learned game, he also learned how to bring out his personality better.
David DeAngelo was an introvert. Ross Jeffries was an introvert. Brad P was an introvert. Tyler Durden was an introvert.
I’d say most of us who learn game started as nerdy introverts. I’m an introvert myself.
I don’t think any of us would say we’re pretending to be someone we’re not after learning how to be more extroverted. I think we’d all say we’ve learned to become a more well-rounded human being, who knows how to bring out his best self.
MM is for introverts by an introvert. It helps introverts break out of that comfort zone. AND extroverts learn a shit load too. For example, the winner of the first season of “VH1’s The Pickup Artist,” Cosmo, was a natural extrovert.
Below is a video of Cosmo. He gives an example of a qualifier in it. Only thing I’d disagree with him is they’re NOT meant to bring down someone’s “value.” Qualifiers are more about helping a girl step down from her pedestal, if she’s on one, so you and her can now talk human-being-to-human-being.
IP: Well sometimes a guy doesn’t want to be an extrovert. I’m not saying Mystery’s model doesn’t work or can’t work. I’m just saying it’s rigid and limiting.
Ren: No, man. Just the opposite. MM’s super flexible. You can adapt it to your own personality and any context you’d like.
Or, are you saying it’s not good to have structure at all? That all structure is rigid and limiting?
5. MM’s Structure Gives You Freedom
What happens when there’s no structure, direction, map.
IP: I prefer to be intuitive about it. You don’t need a structure.
Ren: But structure’s what keeps the universe in place. It keeps the body in place. It keeps a story in place. It keeps music in place. And it keeps game in place.
And the beautiful thing about structure is it’s as flexible as a tree bending in the wind.
Not only that but having a structure allows you to take the lead. It’s like a map that helps you know where to go next. Otherwise, without a structure, you’d get into these fumbling, go-nowhere conversations.
Ironically, it’s having no structure that’s limiting. Structure sets you free.
IP: Structure sets you free? How’s that possible?
Ren: Imagine a bridge between two cliffs. That’s what structure is. Without the bridge in place you can’t get anywhere, and you might drown in the water below.
What having no structure is like. Can’t go anywhere.
Now, if you have a wobbly bridge, you won’t be able to walk across it with a lot of confidence. But if you have a strong bridge, now you can dance and have the freedom to be yourself. It’s counter-intuitive, but a strong structure gives you more freedom.
When striking up conversations with with strangers, it’s especially helpful to have a plan. Knowing what to do first, second, and third allows you to lead an interaction to a destination.
IP: Well, I think MM creates unnecessary extra steps that just get in the way. As many have said over the years, his teachings are complicated and contain unnecessary, superfluous material. It’s too complicated and completely anti-intuitive.
6. MM Is A Backwards Rationalization Of An Intuitive Process
Ren: Nope. You’re looking at MM through the lens of other people’s labels and misunderstanding, rather than taking the time to understand MM itself.
MM is the result of Mystery looking back on all his successful pickups and seeing a pattern. Certain things happened again and again when he succeeded. When he failed, he found that pattern wasn’t in place. That pattern became the Mystery Method.
And any skill seems it’s complicated at first. If you read about about how to drive a car, you’d probably think it’s too complicated and anti-intuitive. But after you practice those steps, it becomes intuitive. It’s helpful to have steps as a teaching tool until talking to women becomes intuitive.
Driving a car seems counter-intuitive and complicated at first. The instructions are meant for beginners. The more you practice the guidelines, the more “second nature” it becomes. Until you’re driving 87 miles an hour while texting. Not recommending that.
IP: Well, there’s just too much superfluous material.
7. Every Step In MM Has A Purpose
IP: A1, A2, A3… way to complex.
Ren: What does each of those refer to?
IP: A1 Open, A2 DHV, A3 qualify.
Attraction: it works the same way as electricity or magnetism. Opposite forces attract. Like forces repel. Masculine energy attracts the feminine. And playful conflict attracts more than being completely alike and perfectly nice.
Ren: Each one totally necessary and has a purpose.
Ren: Oh, it’s so cool. You know what her found out? He discovered there are three things makes us fall in love: sexual tension, mutual self-disclosure, and to discover the other person likes you for legitimate reasons.
When I first read this, it blew me away, because this is exactly what A2 and A3 refer to.
You do only two things in A2: a) create sexual tension with your target through negs (or play-fighting) and b) self-disclose yourself to her friends through DHV (or sharing yourself).
A3 is the mirror image of A2. By sharing yourself first in A2, you’re in a better position to ask about herself, by qualifying her. After she answers your question, you give a “Statement-Of-Interest,” telling her you like her, and make her feel liked for legitimate reasons.
The entire purpose of the attract phase: spark sexual tension, mutual self-disclosure, so you can make her feel liked for legitimate reasons.
Why is he approaching me? (Or, what does he want from us?)
How long am I going to be stuck with him? (Or, hopefully we’re not stuck with him.)
Who is he?
What can he do for me?
A1, the opener, answers the first two questions. First, you “root” yourself, i.e. let them know why you’re approaching.
You can be honest and direct: “You guys looked cool and I wanted to introduce myself” or “I’ve got this rule that whenever I see someone attractive, I’ve gotta say hi.”
Or, you’re approaching because you’re being outgoing, friendly, out meeting everyone.
Or, you’re approaching because you want to get a female opinion on something…
Below’s the REAL origin of the classic opinion opener “Who lies more, men or women?” at about 4:15
Whatever the reason, people won’t hear a word of what you’re saying unless they know why you’re talking with them first.
Second, give some kind of a time constraint. This can be verbal: “I’ve only got a sec.”
Or, through your body language: if your feet are turned away from them it communicates you’re not going to be there forever. In fact, you’re on your way out.
My favorite constraint’s to play-fight within the second sentence out my mouth. This is my favorite because it’s all about positive energy. Positive energy is the #1 thing to attract. It’s the male equivalent to big tits.
Third, open within 3 seconds to avoid being the Creepy Guy who stares or stalks. Really he’s being “The Nice Guy.” He waits for the woman to leave her group so he can catch her alone and hit on her… Much better to disarm the group using stories and humor that shows a non-insulting LACK of interest.
That’s all A1 is. Opening within 3 seconds, hooking a set by rooting yourself, and giving a constraint. Once you do that, you’re into A2.
And A2 is all about introducing yourself. It answers their next two questions:
You’re telling the group who you are. And…
…by initiating an interesting topic of conversation (DHV) while bringing humor to the table (negs), you’re giving the group value.
Once you introduce yourself it’s natural to ask about them… and you’re off into A3.
Brilliant. It works in any context you can imagine. And you can fill this structure out however you like.
IP: Well, what about C1, C2, C3…?
Comfort: getting to know each other, and building a connection.
Ren: C1, C2, and C3 are distinguished by location.
C1 takes place in the pickup venue. It’s also the secret to getting a solid phone number. Which is spending 25-40 minutes with her.
Getting a number in three minutes WILL flake. ‘Cause she doesn’t know you. Spending time getting to know her (25-40 minutes) gives her reason to pick up the phone.
But why play phone game at all when you can “time bridge”? That means NOT waiting to make a date later, but right there and then when you have her in person. It’s the opposite of what most guys do. It’s smart.
C2 is about visiting 3-5 venues with her. They’re neither in the pickup location nor the sex location. This builds more trust than spending the same amount of time with her in one place. If she sees you in only the venue you met as strangers, you’ll still feel like strangers. If you go to places together, well, you’re going into them “together.” You’re no longer strangers.
And THAT’S the secret to inviting her back to your place. Take her to multiple places. Then when you invite her to you place, she’ll accept because it’s just one more place.
Also, C2 means NOT waiting to kiss her at the end of the night. Be kissing already. Be touching each other already. That way when you go for foreplay in S1, it’s not an awkward move but an organic one.
C3 begins once she’s accepted your invitation to come back to your place and she’s alone with you there.
C3 means having a non-sexual reason for inviting her up: check out my aquarium, check out that movie we talked about, play that song on my guitar for you. Allow her to plausibly deny she’s coming up for sex. Let her save face and not appear “slutty.”
C3 also means NOT pouncing her when she’s at your place. For example, check your messages. Get her a drink. Put on a movie, play her a song on your guitar, play the home version of Dance, Dance Revolution. Or tell each other’s grounding stories. The grounding story can also be done in C2, but it’s often done in C3.
C3 continues to build comfort and trust, because you’re NOT pouncing as soon as she’s alone with you. By not pouncing, it builds sexual tension. She’s more likely to pounce on you!
IP: And S1, S2, and S3?
Ren: S1 is foreplay.
Foreplay: emotional connection turns into a physical connection.
S1 is the rule to NOT make out until you’re in private.
S1 also includes the idea that foreplay is about teasing her. Smelling her hair for five minutes without touching her. Not going directly to her sexual spots. To inch toward them but take detours, building even more sexual tension. Taking two steps forward, one step back. Making her want it more and more.
Why we should never skip foreplay.
S2 is female psychology 101 about why her “Last Minute Resistance” to sex comes up.
The reason: it feels like our First Minute Resistance to approaching.
She doesn’t want to be perceived as a slut. She wants to know you’re gonna stick around after sex. Not necessarily get married, but to know the option is hers.
Why Last Minute Resistance comes up.
So, S2 is all about empathy. It’s about not forcing the issue, or making her feel guilty, or logic-ing her to death about why she should have sex. It’s about agreeing with her, then trying again later until she feels comfortable.
The point’s to let her know you’re going to stick around after sex. And that the notion of “slut” is double-standard bullshit.
The best way to deal with LMR is preemptively, though. By hinting you’ll stick around sex throughout the comfort phase before the issue might come up later.
Finally, S3 is first time sex.
Giving her great sex.
It’s about being choosy who you have sex with. To have sex with someone you want to see again. If you’re polyamorous, she can be one of your girlfriends (and that means being upfront with her that you’re in a “dating” phase of your life, it does NOT mean sneaking around) or if you want one girlfriend, maybe she’s it.
The point is: practice up until S2. Only cross the line to S3 if you want to see her again.
See how comprehensive MM is? How flexible and adaptable it is?
IP: It does make sense.
Ren: Tell me about it!
8. MM Uses Routines AND Spontaneous Conversation
Routines are like a pianist learning a piece by Mozart or an actor learning his lines or a cook learning a recipe. You can focus on your delivery. Based on that foundation you can make up your own stuff. We mix routines and spontaneous conversation all the time.
IP: But maybe his style is useful for beginners who need specific words, stories, questions to get conversations going and to transition into more interesting interactions.
Routines are useful only if they’re unique to you. Ultimately, I think everyone should cultivate their ability for spontaneous communication in the moment.
Ren: I’ve been practicing pickup for awhile. I still use MM, routines, AND spontaneous together.
You’re not saying you’re above routines, are you? That it’s only for beginners? Because all of us rely on routines everyday.
When we say “Hi, how are you” or “thank-you” those are routines. When we tell the story about “why I chose to live in the state of Maine” again because we’ve polished it and we know it works, that’s a routine. Comedians use routines, too.
Then we can build on that foundation of a routine to make up our own stuff. But we always use routines and spontaneous communication together.
I also like routines because it teaches you to tell a story so well that you bring out your personality. You get to concentrate on your delivery like an actor. You can concentrate on your body language, your facial expression, your tone. The emotional communication.
Pickup is a performance art. It’s a way to become your best self. MM gives you the tools to do this.
HAVE YOU TRIED MM?
Ren: Now, I’ve gotta ask. Have you even tried MM out, or is everything you know about it hearsay?
Ren: Introverted Playboy? Hello?
The Mystery Method isn’t obsolete. It’s a message that originated in marketing to compete with Mystery. They had to knock him down to make themselves look better. Some guys bought into this and seem to use it as an excuse not to try it at all. Instead of taking the time to understand MM, they ignore the treasure trove that’s in it.
Worse, those who who’ve bought into the intellectual masturbation around the messages probably haven’t even tried it. They prefer direct, one-on-one day game because it’s safer.
Another theme behind this message: there are no universals, everything is a free-for-all. That was the same argument the sophists had put forth in ancient Athens: there’s no truth, everything is relative. It confused the Athenians then, it confuses guys today.
The obsession with the newest, shiniest thing is not unlike claiming there are no objective standards. Of course there’s room for change. But without standards or fundamentals you’ve got no basis to build on.
Even in Einstein’s theory of relativity, there are universals. Without the universal of the speed of light, the relativity of time and space doesn’t work.
There are universals underlying game, and there are fundamentals. That’s what the Mystery Method is about. The fundamentals. It’s not the be-all and end-all. It’s like the beginning-middle-ending structure story-tellers use to tell stories.
The structure’s flexible and there’s lots of room for invention. In fact, it’s structure that frees an artist to invent. Much of the new developments in pickup are possible because of the foundation MM laid down.
Rather than talk about it, try it. You’ll see for yourself.
The Mystery Method isn’t obsolete, because it’s about the fundamentals.
I came across this classic video of Mystery handling shit tests from a bratty chick. What I admire is how calm, cool, and collected he remains. Instead of getting testy, he seems to be like “you’re so cute,” instead.
Such a great lesson. Instead of taking shit-tests personally, turn it into playful banter and tell her how “cute” she’s being. Defuses negativity, and wins the girl over. Unruffled by the outside world. I imagine women find that super hot.
Strong eye contact turns women on, like in this picture above.
Derek asked me:
Hey man, I have this doubt, well you said that there must be a good eye contact right? So when having this eye contact where should I be actually looking at? I mean, should I be swapping between her left and right eyes? Or should I focus on just one eye? Or should I set my eyes at the bridge of her nose (like between her eyes)?
Here was my reply:
Great question. ‘Cause looking a woman in her eye’s important. Averting eye contact? Says insecurity and makes people feel uncomfortable. Looking someone in the eye? Says you’re listening, you’re attentive, you’re trustworthy. Attractive.
Now, swapping between her eyes might make your eyes dart too much. So I wouldn’t recommend that. Instead, relax your gaze. Put your attention on her. It’s funny, follow that one simple tip, your eyes should take care of the rest.
As for which eye to focus on: we usually look at a person’s right eye. BUT supposedly if you look into a person’s left eye, you’ll into her soul. Why?
The left eye is linked with the right brain. So, if you look into someone’s left eye, they say you look into their true self.
‘Cause left eye’s linked with right side of the brain (intuitive side). Right eye’s linked the left side of the brain (logical side).
Don’t worry about all that, though. Lose yourself in what she’s saying. Your eyes’ll take care of the rest.
Now, if this tip is worthless to you, here’re some “training wheels”:
Look at her forehead, since it’s the closest to her eyes. Gradually work your way to looking her in the eye.
If you’re a numbers guy, keep these numbers in mind: Look into her eyes 30 percent of the time, and 70 percent in her general direction. It’s okay to look away from each other for a few seconds while talking. It’ll still be strong eye contact.
Then when you’re about to kiss her, gaze into her eyes 70 percent of the time. Looking into someone’s eyes for that long means one or two things: aggression or seduction. Hold the thoughts of “I wanna kiss you,” in your head and it’ll be seductive. You can also try the triangular gaze technique.
Before you kiss a girl, use the triangular gaze technique. Look her in the left eye, slowly into her right eye, down to her lips, and back to her left eye. Very seductive.
So, here’s what to remember. If you’re thinking “me, me, me” that’ll come across in your eyes. But if you focus on her, your eye contact will take care of yourself. Forget about “performing,” lose yourself in what she’s saying, and you’ll hold great eye contact.
Lose yourself in what she’s saying, and your eyes will take care of the rest.
I know they say don’t judge a book by its cover, but a good looking cover doesn’t hurt… especially when it comes to attracting women.
I mean, seriously, you can like fuck up your approach… and lose steam 15 minutes in… but if you’ve got a great presence, the girl will still be interested in you. I got this concept of “presence” from Brad P.
Part of having a great presence is taking care of your body (other parts: body language, fashion, grooming).
Anyway, the reason I’m even bringing all this up at all is because I just found out I passed my personal trainer final exam. I’m now a certified personal trainer! Puh-Pow
In celebration, I wanna share some stuff I learned along the way about getting fit and staying fit.
Yes, yes, I know. Personality attracts women more than physical looks. You’re absolutely right. But like I said, having a nice physique doesn’t hurt either.
For one, women read into things. They’ll ask, “What does this guy’s physical appearance SAY about him?” Where we’re like “Ooh, nice tits,” they’re like “He’s wearing white socks with black shoes… what’s THAT say about him?”
So, if you’ve got your health handled, what message do you send? Exactly. You’ve got your life handled, too. That’s attractive.
For two, more important than attracting women, getting a nice body is important because, well, the woman is kinda right. Get your health together, and it’s a good sign you’re getting your life together, too. Making time to exercise and eating right honest-to-God helps you get your whole LIFE into shape.
For three, a woman who takes care of herself is attractive to us…
Same damn thing for them.
And for four, probably the best part of it all, getting your health handled gives you an added strut of confidence to your inner-game. Sweet.
Oh, one last thing before I spill the good stuff.
I got my certificate through ISSA (Internal Sports Science Association)…
There’s a lot of places to become a trainer, but most of them are crap. There’s only five or seven places that’s recognized as credible… and ISSA is one of them. The textbook I had to read was 600 pages and my final exam was a practicum (110 pages of written) and 200 multiple choice questions. They’re serious.
So, here’s the good stuff. You only really need three things to get a kick-ass physique. They are:
1. Right Food
2. Right Exercise
I just put that there because that’s a nice looking stomach. Plus the words are kinda true too.
Eat right AND exercise consistently. You’ll get damn good results from that. No short cuts or magic bullets. Just good old fashioned work. Then, if you wanna keep the results you got, make all this a lifelong habit.
Now let’s take each of these three things and break it down.
I remember this one time I was trying to lose weight and I exercised every day. After about a month or so I was the same weight. I was like “what the hell?” Then I looked at what I had been eating.
Um, no wonder I wasn’t losing weight.
Exercise all you want, but if your diet sucks, you ain’t gonna be losing any weight.
Not only that, I had this girlfriend once who told me she ate whatever she wanted while exercising and she lost weight. Yeah, right. But let’s say the miraculous happened. Guess what happened after she stopped exercising? Welcome back thirty pounds!
Abs are made in the kitchen. 70% of losing weight and keeping it off is in what you what.
How do you eat right? Here’s the Top Ten List I follow.
1. Find Out How Many Calories Your Body Burns A Day, and Eat Within That. Here’s a way you can figure this out right now:
STEP 1: Calculate your Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR). If you were to lay down all day and do nothing, this is the number of calories you would burn. It’s the basic amount of calories you need to be alive: breathe, pump blood, grow hair, blink.
_________________ (Your Body Weight) x 10 = _________________ (BMR in calories)
STEP 2: Calculate your daily activity burn. These are the calories you need for your daily movement, but without the exercise.
STEP 4. Find your energy amount in the table below to determine your daily caloric needs.
Your Energy Amount
1,800 – 2,399
2,400 – 2,999
YOUR DAILY CALORIC NEEDS = ______________________
Eat that amount in calories each day.
It’s a numbers game. Expend more calories than you consume, you’ll lose weight. 3,500 calories make up a pound of fat. Burn 200-300 of these fat calories a day, and you’ll get there. It’ll take some time. 90 days of this and you’ll see awesome results.
Oh, and by the way, as you lose weight, your daily caloric needs will change. So, recalculate when necessary.
2. Eat 5- 6 Meals a Day. Divide “Your Daily Caloric Needs” by either 5 or 6. Eat that many calories for each meal.
The idea is simple. When you eat a lot of small meals throughout the day, your body is working a lot. Your body becomes like a sauna… which burns more calories. When you don’t eat a lot, your body thinks “starvation mode.” Instead of burning the calories, it starts storing them up so you don’t starve later. Your metabolism drops. Eat more meals (each of moderate size), and your metabolism rises.
Think of a horse that grazes throughout the day. They’re lean. Now think of a bear that binges and then goes for days or even months without eating. They’re fat. Same thing with us. By the way, I got that image from Bill Phillips, author of “Body For Life.”
Okay, well, maybe not THAT image, but you know what I mean.
Anyway… to get a lean body you want to be a grazer, not a binger. So, graze. Meaning, eat a small meal or a snack every 2 hours (no more than 3 hours). That’s about how long it takes for your body to digest a meal.
Here’s another reason to eat 5 – 6 “meals” a day. There’s less of a temptation to binge. When you let a long time pass between meals, don’t you get super-hungry? I do! I mean, after starving yourself, you can’t even help it. You WANT to binge. But if the time between your meals is small, like two hours, you’re more likely to eat a moderate meal. It’s all about moderation.
That’s one of my favorite sayings by the ancient Greeks: “Everything in moderation.” It’s here in America, land of “Super-Size,” where our food portions are so huge. Everything is either Jumbo Size, Super Size, Extra Large or a Double Big Gulp. But our bodies just don’t NEED that much food. It feels weird at first to stop eating when you’re full. But that’s the secret. Eat only as much as you NEED.
I’ve got a great story about this.
A college girlfriend I had, who may or may not have been a little chubby… and who I may or may have expressed I wanted to breakup (not because of the weight) before we left for summer break… came back after the break not chubby anymore. I was like “holy shit!” I asked her how she did it. She said she had listened to her body. She said when her body said it was full, she stopped eating. And she looked great. We still broke up. But that’s another story.
3. For Each Meal Eat Carbs, Protein, and Fat.
It’s not just the quantity of calories that matters though. The QUALITY of proteins is just as, if not MORE important. What does that mean? In EACH meal/snack eat protein, carbs, and unsaturated fat.
Let’s take each one of those groups.
First, carbs. They are THE primary source of fuel. If you don’t eat enough carbs, your body will eat your fat deposits. That’s why the Atkins diet can work at first. The only thing is after your body eats fat, if it still doesn’t have carbs to chow down on, your body starting chowing down on your muscle (and other protein) for fuel. That’s why the Atkins diet can be so damn dangerous. You might lose a ton of weight at first, but chances are high you’ll lose muscle, too.
Another girlfriend I had (man I’m talking a lot about my girlfriends here, huh) told me a story I’ll never forget. She had cut protein out of her diet to lose weight. I can’t remember why. Maybe she was a vegetarian or something. I don’t remember. Anyway, when she noticed she was losing hair, that’s when she decided to starting eating protein again. Hair is made out of protein after all. After she put protein back into her diet, her hair grew back. Thankfully.
Which brings us to the next thing we need in our diet. Protein.
Your body is constantly changing. In 3 months you’ll have a new skeleton, in 5 days a new stomach lining, in 6 weeks your cells in your liver are replaced, in 1 month you’ll have new skin, and in a year 98% of your atoms will be replaced. Now, where does your body get the stuff to replace the old cells with? From the food you eat. Specifically, PROTEIN. Protein is made up of amino acids. Amino acids build your body.
And if you want to gain muscle? Holy crap, protein is a MUST. You tear down your muscle when you lift, but you need protein to build the muscles back bigger and stronger. Whey protein and cottage cheese (surprisingly) are great sources of protein. So are eggs, white meat, fish, and natural almonds.
Finally, we need unsaturated fat, too. Unsaturated fat is the body’s second preferred source of fuel (after carbs are used up). They also pad vital organs and your skeleton, make up cell membranes, and they help absorb fat-soluble vitamins like vitamin A, D, E, and K. Stay away from saturated fats, though. They clog the arteries. Unsaturated fat is where it’s at.
But how much of each… carbs, protein, and fat… does the body need?
There’s a ratio I learned from ISSA that’s killer. It goes like this. Eat 3 parts carbs, 2 parts protein, 1 part fat. Now, what does THAT mean?
Imagine a pie and cut it into six pieces. Three pieces would be carbs, two pieces would be protein, and only one piece would be fat. This is how you can figure out your own ratio right now:
STEP 1. Calculate how many calories are in a part.
STEP 2. Calculate how many calories you need from each nutrient
How many calories from fat
__________________________ x 1 part = _________________ (Fat)
How many calories from protein
__________________________ x 2 parts = __________________ (Protein)
How many calories from carbs
__________________________ x 3 parts = ___________________ (Carbs)
STEP 3. Convert the calories into grams
Fat grams per day
________ (calories from fat) / 9 calories per gram of fat = ___________ (Fat grams per day)
Protein grams per day
_______ (calories from protein) / 4 calories per gram of protein = ______ (Protein grams per day)
Carb grams per day
_______ (calories from carbs) / 4 calories per gram of carb = ________ (Carb grams per day)
STEP 4. Calculate how much of each nutrient you need per meal
Fat grams per meal
________ (Fat grams per day) / 5 or 6 meals = _____________ (Fat grams per meal)
Protein grams per meal
_______ (Protein grams per day) / 5 or 6 meals = __________ (Protein grams per meal)
Carb grams per meal
_______ (Carb grams per day) / 5 or 6 meals = ____________ (Carb grams per meal)
Now, make sure to eat that amount of carbs, protein, and unsaturated fat in each meal/snack you eat.
4. Add Veggies to (at least) 2 Meals, And Fruits To (at least) 1 Meal.
This is another gem I got from Bill Phillips, and it works. Add a portion of vegetables to at least 2 meals every day (a portion is the amount of food that could fit into the palm of your hand). Add at least one portion of fruit to a meal every day.
5. Drink 64 Ounces Of Water Per Day.
Here’s a tip I learned from Eben Pagan the world-famous information-business entrepreneur (and the guy behind David DeAngelo). Drink 16 ounces of water when you first get up. Then drink three more of these glasses throughout the day. That’s a total of about 64 ounces of water total each day (4 16-ounce glasses or 8 8-ounce glasses of water total).
In my opinion, the best supplements on the market: Isotonix. Check out the link if you’d like.
This is the reason I consider it the best… and yes, I’m biased.
I take just 3 supplements: multi-vitamin, anti-oxidant (OPC3 or a cup of green tea works), and Omega-3 (for the heart). I also drink protein shakes and eat power bars as “snacks” between breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
7. Cheat Once A Week.
The Rock on his cheat day
Once a week, cheat. Eat WHATEVER you want. Go to town. Have fun. You deserve it. Incorporating some crap actually helps you to keep eating healthy. There’s less temptation for it later.
Plus, after a few months of eating healthy, you’ll compare how your body feels after binging on crap versus eating in moderation. You won’t like it. You’ll feel the difference. And you won’t be able to wait to the healthy stuff. No joke.
So, it’s a psychological trick. Like Carl Jung once said, “What your resist, persists. What you allow to be disappears.” Allowing the crap (once a week, mind you) can actually help it to disappear.
8. Eat Within 1 Hour Of Waking Up. This revs up your metabolism for the rest of your day. That’s why they say breakfast is the most important part of the day. It sets a solid foundation for the rest of the day.
9. Don’t Eat Within 2 Hours Before Going To Sleep. It can give you a belly ache, true. More important, it allows your body to burn off fat while you sleep, instead of the food you just ate. Your metabolism obviously slows down while you sleep, so the chances of your body storing the food you just ate as fat are higher, too.
10. Journal Your 5 -6 Meals At First Until It Becomes A Habit. When starting out, it helps to keep a food journal each day. It ensures you eat 5 -6 times a day, keeps you accountable, and helps to establish a eating habit that lasts the rest of your life. I made a link to a food journal that you can download at the end of this post. Check it out.
Now, here’s the flip side to eating right. You’ve gotta exercise, too.
Another time, way back before I discovered what an exercise was, I was trying to lose my McDonald’s Coca-Cola Belly. ALL I did was eat below what my body burned in calories per day.
And that worked. I did lose weight. But…
…I had no muscle, and no shape to my body.
Muscle changes the shape of your body. Abs are made in the kitchen, yes, but exercise SHAPES your body. And it keeps your body working well and tuned up.
So, how do you exercise? Here’s another Top Ten List. It’s based on the famous “F.I.T.T. Principle” of gym rats everywhere.
1. FREQUENCY: Exercise between 5 – 6 days a week. Rest on the 7th day. Alternate between cardio and weight lifting each day.
If you only do cardio you look like a marathon runner. If you only do weights you look like a body builder. Combine the two you get the body of a gymnast or swimmer:
From what I hear, women like that body the best.
::: Cardio :::
Bill Phillips has a great suggestion for this. Break your intensity into 10 levels. Level 1: sitting on a couch watching TV. Level 10: balls to wall everything you got. You only need like 20 minutes of cardio if you incorporate the higher levels of intensities.
For example, on a stationary bike. Let’s say you do 20 minutes on it. The first 2 minutes: you’re at level 5. At minute 3 you’re at level 6; minute 4 level 7; minute 5 level 8; minute 6 level 9; minute 7 return to level 6. Repeat that sequence three more times. By minute 19 you’re at level 10. At minute 20 you return to level 5.
MINUTE INTENSITY LEVEL
“Interval Training” does a very similar thing. You start at a low intensity for 20 seconds, go to a medium intensity for 20 seconds, and finish at high intensity for the last 20 seconds. You repeat this low-medium-high intensity over and over again with different exercises. Do this for 20-30 minutes. It burns calories like crazy.
Here’s a third way to gauge intensity. Wear a heart rate monitor, and exercise at your maximum heart rate.
What’s your maximum heart rate?
Subtract your age from the number “220.” So, if you’re 30 years old, your maximum heart rate would be 190. If you’re 50 years old, your maximum heart rate would be 170, and so on.
But the best way I’ve found is gauge intensity is to mix lower intensity (to catch your breath) with higher intensities (balls to the wall). You can tell when you’re balls to the wall.
As a general rule, max out between 8-10 reps. That means using weights that exhaust you at reps 8, 9, or 10. (For example when I started out I maxed out with 20 lb dumbbells doing biceps curls at rep 9 or 10 for 3 sets. I’m now at 40lb dumbbells.)
Now, if you want even more size, max out at 4-6 reps. Never do 7. Just kidding.
For calisthenics, like pull-ups and pushups, it’s a little different. For pull-ups a good place to start is 10 – 12 reps. If you can get up to 20 – 25 reps in one set… nice. For pushups a good place to start is 30 reps. If you can get up to 75 reps in one set… again, nice.
The basic rule is whenever a set gets too easy, add more reps or more weights. If 30 pushups are too easy, do 35. If 30 lbs dumbbells are too easy, do 35’s.
When it’s easy, no gains. When you feel the burn, it’s working.
In my workouts, I’ll do at a MINIMUM of 3 sets for one body part. For example, I’ll do 75 standard pushups, 30 diamond pushups and 30 pushups where my feet are on a chair. That’s all for the chest.
::: Cardio :::
You only need 20-30 minutes per cardio workout. Anything over 60 minutes, and you enter “Over-Training” Land, which is counter-productive.
::: Resistance :::
Rest for at least one minute between sets. Your muscles need about that time to recoup enough energy for the next round. Total resistance workouts should take you between 30 – 60 minutes. Again, anything more than 60 minutes per workout, is counter-productive.
::: Cardio ::::
Sky’s the limit here. Biking, swimming, running, plyometrics, basketball… Make sure it lasts for at least 20 minutes, and you’re working up to your highest intensities during your workouts.
::: Resistance :::
I used to be confused about resistance exercises. There seemed to be so many different ones out there. After I did my exam, I realized there are only a few core exercises. Everything else is a variation on those themes. And each core exercise is based on a body part. For example:
i. Biceps: Dumbbell curls
ii. Triceps: Dumbbell extensions, bench dips
iii. Shoulders: Dumbbell press
iv. Chest: pushups, dumbbell bench press
Dumbbell Bench Press
v. Back: pull-ups, dumbbell rows
vi. Quads: Dumbbell squats
vii. Hamstrings: Dumbbell lunges
viii. Buttocks: Dumbbell squats
A little more Eye-Candy for ya
ix. Calves: Dumbbell calf raises
Dumbbell Calf Raises
x. Abs: Crunches
5. Breathe. Exhale during the difficult parts of a resistance exercise, and inhale during the easy parts. Also, don’t tighten your face. This can actually work against you. Make it easier on yourself. Relax your face.
6. Warm-up, Cool-down, and STRETCH. Warm up for 3 – 5 minutes before your workout. Cool down for 5-10 minutes after your workout. During the warmup and cool down, STRETCH!
Brittle things break easier. Elastic things are more durable. Stretching gives you durability. So, it prevents injuries. Also, it gives you flexibility, which makes your body more excellent.
7. Rest. Your body needs to recuperate. Get 7 – 8 hours of sleep.
8. Drink plenty of water. Here it is again. ‘Cause it’s important. Drink 64 ounces a day. This cleans your body from the inside out. It’s got minerals. No poison. And it’s free (unless it’s bottled of course).
9. Consistency is key. If you get off track, no prob. Just keep showing up. As long as you show up you WILL succeed. There’s no such thing as failure unless you quit.
I now see exercise like showering or brushing my teeth. It’s a hygienic thing I do daily. After all, it flushes out toxins, opens my heart, and gets me inside my body. And it clears the mind. The byproduct (not so much the goal) is a great body. The never-ending goal is daily renewal of inner-strength, and care of the self.
10. Track your workouts. I mark each workout I do on my calendar. It holds me accountable, and keeps me on track. Again, I made a link at the end of this post for some workout logs. Please, definitely, check em out.
One other thing before I leave this section about exercise. I learned this really cool thing from ISSA.
We humans aren’t supposed to die at 70 or 80. We’re supposed to live until 110. You can shed 30 years off your age through exercise. A person in their 70s or 80s who exercises is as strong as person who’s 40 or 50. Exercise is the closest thing we have to an anti-aging pill.
Makes sense. If you don’t use your body it disintegrates. If you use it, you keep it sharp and healthy. Exercise is just as important as right eating… and brushing your teeth.
Way, way, way before I learned this stuff, I thought if I exercised a couple of times and ate healthy a couple of times, magically I would get a rippling 8 pack abs and 16″ biceps. Two workouts and I thought I’d see results. I was so sad when I learned that’s not how it works.
When I did learn all this stuff and finally lost 40 pounds and gained some muscle, I asked myself how the hell I did it. When I look back I realize it was because of one thing.
I exercised six days a week and I cut out the crap food… day after day after day. It took me about 4 or 5 months to do, but through CONSISTENCY I finally did it.
ISSA taught me why consistency works.
It’s because the body is so damn stubborn. The technical term is “homeostasis.” That means the body likes to stay the same. So, to get results, it’s simple. Work over and over and over again. That must be why they call it “training.” Through consistency you train your body into a new way of being or a new “stasis.”
So, the first step of consistency is to make the decision to change. The second step is to commit to a plan to get there (see “right eating and right exercise”). The third step is to execute that plan over and over again. Even when you’re tired or sick and don’t want to, exercise 5 – 6 times a week and eat moderately 5 – 6 times a day.
Magically… or not so magically… when I followed those steps, I lost 40 pounds of blubber and gained muscle. Hell, yeah. Same exact thing for you.
Now, let me just say this one last thing. It’s easy to get off track. It happens to me all the time. It happens to everyone. It’s no reason to stay off track though. Just get back on the horse and keep going at it. No need to get discouraged. With consistency or persistency or whatever you want to call it, you WILL win the battle against your body’s stubborn homeostasis. No doubt.
Keep showing up. Over and over again. That’s all it takes.
You can create your program, you can hire a trainer, or… the way I got my head start was doing p90x. It’s an awesome program. I used to be a varsity athlete, and this program reminded me of those intense preseason trainings. It’s also like having your own personal trainer… that you can keep forever.
The down fall is p90x takes about 50 min – 90 min a workout. You’ll have to purchase some dumbbells and a pull-up bar. I mean, that’s not really a downfall because it’s so worth it. Lifetime investment. And if it’s important enough to you to get your body back into shape, it’s very easy to make time for those workouts. Doing p90x was a life changer for me. No gadgets or fad stuff. Just good old fashioned fundamentals that have been around forever. It’s such a solid program.
But if you feel like you don’t have the time, the company that puts out p90x… Beach Body… has some other great programs like “10 Minute Trainer” or “Power Half Hour.” They’re shorter workouts that can also get a good job done, too.
Their website is p90x.com, in case you want to check it out.
Here’s a website, if you want a little more eye candy, I mean, inspiration.
Finally, here’s some Trackers I made that you can use: a food journal and some workout logs.
Again, eat right and exercise six days week CONSISTENTLY… you WILL lose weight and gain muscle. Guaranteed.
The best way to be an AMOG? Treat everyone with respect and kindness.
This is actually how Mystery AMOGs. He doesn’t try to tear people down to make himself feel better. He lifts everyone else up.
And guess what happens when you do that? Naturally you put yourself into a leadership role. Hostility is not necessary for dominance.
First and foremost, treat everyone with respect. See the best in people. Make them feel important. People will be cool with you in return. You’ll make friends rather than enemies.
If that doesn’t work it’s onto Plan B.
The basic idea behind Plan B (again): Don’t accept the negative frame. Replace it with a positive one.
Here are some examples. I’ll start with AMOG situations (dealing with guys) and I’ll end with Shit Tests and Bitch Shields (dealing with girls).
There’s three basic categories of technique in either situation. “Ignore,” “Meta-frame” and “Agreeing, but Reducing to the Absurd.”
1. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”
Ignore. Don’t even respond. Just keep talking about what you were talking about.
2. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”
“Cool man. Anyway.”
Less is more. Still under the “Ignore” category. The more attention you give to him, the more power you give to him. So, give the least possible attention, the least possible words, the least possible reaction.
3. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”
“That was weird. Anyway…”
Here, you stand outside their frame, judging it from a higher place. A “meta” frame. You don’t accept his frame. You see it as weird.
4. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”
“This guy you can dress him up, but you can’t take him anywhere.”
Another example of a “meta” frame. Again, notice how you don’t accept his frame. You step outside it and see it from a higher position. You see it as a social violation.
5. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”
“Yep. Doesn’t she have great taste?”
Here you actually agree with the frame but exaggerate it. The exaggeration makes his frame absurd. The technique is also known as “Yes and…” You simply agree, then exaggerate it. By doing this you’re showing his frame to be ridiculous. You’ve destroyed it with humor.
6. “Is that design on your shirt a sphincter? Man, you’re going to need somebody to protect you, mate. You’re going to have all the guys into you.”
“Dude, that’s why I rolled up on you. I need you, man. Help me, please, man. I look at you, and I just know that you were born to protect my sphincter.”
Another example of agreeing with the frame and exaggerating it to the absurd.
SHIT TESTS AND BITCH SHIELDS:
1. “Do women even like you?”
“Oh my God, you are so cute. Look at you trying to give me shit.”
Eeeeeeeeverything she does is cute. Everything. When you put a label on someone, you don’t accept their negative frame. You interpret theirs another way: her being cute. This is a type of “meta” frame.
The other advantage of specifically calling her “cute”: it creates sexual tension. Sexual tension comes from being dominant, and her being “cute.” In other words, you being masculine, she being feminine.
2. You’re talking and the girl gets all distracted.
“Hey ADD, party’s over here.”
Again, putting a label on someone interprets them in your own way. The frame goes from “you’re not very important” (her frame) to “she gets easily distracted” (your frame). You’ve stepped outside her negative frame using a “meta” frame. Nice.
3. “What kind of shirt is that?”
“Do you always wear that lipstick? Anyway…”
You’re not even answering her frame. You come up with your own. You’ve “Ignored” hers.
4. “You’re a stupid piece of shit. Get the fuck away from me!”
“That was weird.”
“Wow, that was rude.”
Same kind of “meta” frame from above. Instead of playing into her negative frame, you see it from a higher position of judgment: her being completely rude.
Another way to deal with extreme rudeness:
“Oh I get it. You probably act like this all the time, and you probably get away with it too. I don’t buy it. I think that you act like a bitch and you convince people you’re a bitch but really you’re a sensitive person. I know that you’re really a nice person but you have to act this way because a lot of dorks hit on you.”
Credit: Brad P. Here you reinterpret her bitchiness in a positive way. You turn a negative frame into a positive one. Another “meta-frame.”
5. “You’re short.”
“Yes I am. Great things come in small packages.”
Agree and replace her negative insinuation with a positive one. Your positive frame is now in charge.
6. “Do you say this to all the girls?”
“Yes, you’re the 512th person I’ve said this to today.”
Agree and exaggerate.
7. “Does this make me look fat?”
“Yeah, I wasn’t going to say anything.”
Agree and exaggerate.
8. “I have a boyfriend.”
“Maybe he can make us breakfast in bed.”
Agree and exaggerate.
“That’s cool. I have an uncle that has 5 cats. 4 blue ones and 1 red one. He dyed them blue and red. You should check it out sometime. Anyway…”
Agree and exaggerate… take it to the absurd.
9. “Will you buy me a drink?”
“I’d be happy to. But let me get to know you better first.”
Agree, but replace with your own frame. You’re not the stereotypical guy who thinks he has to buy girl’s attention (her frame). Your frame is we’re two human beings. Let’s focus on that first before getting money involved.
By the way, you can do this technique with any other demand she might place on you. In other words, rather than blindly jump through her hoops, let her jump through yours first. Then you can go through hers. That way it’s even. You’re not rewarding potentially spoiled, princess behavior. She gives and you give. For example:
“Sure, but before I do that, give me at least one compliment.”
10. Let’s say she’s giving you bad behavior and she doesn’t respond to a more good-humored response. Then factually point out what she did, and tell her you won’t stand for it:
“This is what you did. This is not cool with me. If this behavior doesn’t change, I’m gone.”
You don’t accept her frame where she thinks she can get away with whatever she wants because she’s hot. Stand outside of her self-absorbed frame, a “meta” frame, and call her on her shit… respectfully. If her behavior still doesn’t change, walk away. You’ve got bigger fish to fry. As a byproduct, this can actually create attraction… while halting bad behavior at the same time.
And that’s about it.
Each technique “Ignore,” “Meta-frame,” and “Agree to the Absurd” has this in common: they disregard a negative frame and replace it with a positive one. Never think you have to accept people’s negative frames. They are mere interpretations of reality, not reality itself. You can always create your own frame… and get things back to reality.
This way you stand up for yourself, but in a way that still treats people with respect.
Disacknowledge the negative frame and paint your own.
Dealing with AMOGs is kinda like dealing with a computer program with a bad virus. Would you want to play in a virus-infected program?
Same with AMOGs, Shit Tests, and Bitch Shields.
Don’t play into the frame. Shut it down. And replace it with a better one.
For example, someone says “Hey nice shirt. Did you get that in high school?” If you say yes you’re playing into his frame. And if you say no, you’re playing into his frame. Why say yes or no at all? Fuck that shit. Create your own frame that doesn’t make you look like an asshole.
“This guy, you can dress him up, but you can’t take him anywhere.”
See how you don’t even bother answering “yes” or “no”… which plays in his frame… but replace it with something else entirely? The frame you replace his with: this is a guy with no social acuity.
But you also do this with good-humor. Never to harm, hurt, or destroy. Otherwise you look pissy and rude and like a big baby. You say this with a smile on your face.
It’s like dealing with your own negative thoughts. No need to beat yourself up over having them. And for God’s sakes, no need to let the negative thoughts take you over either! Simply recognize you’re having negative thoughts. See they’re not real. Then replace them with positive thoughts, or reality.
So, step one: recognize the words that are coming from the AMOGs for what they are. “Thought-viruses.” It’s not reality. It’s bullshit.
Step two: Ignore the “frame.”
Step three: Replace the negative frame with a positive one. If you don’t replace it, the virus will just come back.
Dealing with AMOGs is just a matter of not playing into their negative frame, and replacing it with your own positive one.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, you say. What the hell is a frame?
The word “frame” comes from NLP, “Neuro-Linguistic Programming,” a hybrid of hypnosis and psychotherapy invented in the 1970s. It has some great uses, especially for programming your mind for success.
And that’s how the word “frame” fits into NLP.
The book that really clarified the term for me was “Sleight of Mouth” by Robert Dilts.
Great Book. It really clarified the concept of “frame” for me.
Great read. Highly recommended.
His basic premise was we can program ourselves for failure if we think within a “problem frame.” We can do this in our own thinking, and people can do this to us in order to keep us down. To break free from this “thought virus,” we need to replace this with a higher, “solution frame.” This sets us up for success. The book explores how to do this through language.
There’s a quote in “Hamlet” where Hamlet says, “There’s nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so.” That’s the essence of a frame. We humans are a unique animal. We interpret facts. A frame is an interpretation. It’s a “way of seeing” the world.
The philosopher Wittgenstein said something similar in his “Tractatus.”
One of the great philosophers of the twentieth century: Ludwig Wittgenstein 1889 – 1951.
He said value and meaning don’t lie within the world. The world simply consists of facts. Value must reside outside of the world. Value includes things like aesthetics and ethics, but also negative thinking too.
One example of this is snow. There’s nothing inherently good or bad about snow. It’s simply a fact. We put meaning into the snow by thinking it’s either bad or good. Dilt’s point was when we interpret the snow into a frame of “problem” it can set us up for failure. Interpreting snow into a more positive frame has a better chance of setting us up for success.
AMOGs, Shit Tests, and Bitch Shields are simply a negative frame. It’s a power trip. It’s a way of cutting someone else down to make them look superior. But their frame is not reality. It’s a figment of their imagination. You have the choice of accepting it or disregarding it and creating your own.
And if you reveal their power trip for what it is, you almost don’t have to do a thing. Their negative, power-grubbing frame will work against them. It’s so absurd what they’re really doing, it’s actually funny. Dilts calls stepping out of the frame to reveal what it is a “meta-frame.”
You can also preempt from all this happening, too.
Treat everyone with respect and kindness. This keeps a positive frame. Be cool with people, make ’em feel important, often they’ll be cool with you.
If that doesn’t work, go to Plan B: disregard the frame and replace it with your own.
Either step outside the negative frame and call them on their shit… the “meta-frame”…
Or agree and reduce it to the absurd.
I’ll give you some examples in the final part of this article.
Defend yourself from shit tests, bitch shields, and AMOGs
Here’s a question for you. You treat others with kindness. But how do you handle people who don’t treat you the same way?
I want to be up front. If there’s an area I really want to improve on, and there are plenty, it’s definitely this. But after thinking about this question, reading what others do, trying out different things, I think I’ve gotten a little better understanding, even though I still have a ways to go. I wanna share what I’ve learned so far with you.
Here’s the basic idea: don’t buy into their erroneous “frame.”
Before I unpack that idea, let me backup and give you a quick background on Shit Tests, Bitch Shields, and AMOGs in general first.
“Shit Tests” and “Bitch Shields” are when women play the superiority role, put you down, give you shit, and disrespect you. They want to see if you can handle them. For if you can’t handle their shit, how are you going to protect them from the world of shit that exists?
AMOG stands for “Alpha Male Of the Group.” It’s a concept that was invented by a pickup artist who goes by the name “Tyler Durden,” a former student of Mystery’s. He named himself after the Brad Pitt character in “Fight Club.”
“Tyler Durden,” a.k.a Owen Cook
Anyway, he’s known as one of the legendary pickup artists, and he shows innovativeness in inventing this concept. The origin of how he came up with the concept was documented by Neil Strauss’s book “The Game,” on pages 235 – 237. The story is kinda interesting. In Tyler’s own words:
“I learned most of this from European naturals while trying to steals sets from them and prevent them from stealing sets from me. The guys here are not pushovers like most guys in North America. Many have game. So I’ve been figuring out how to out-game them.”
Apparently while he was in London doing bootcamps, Tyler would be talking to some girls, and guys would come up to him, totally blow him out, and guess who the girls went to? Exactly. The guys who destroyed him.
So, he started analyzing what exactly they were doing to him. He cracked the code, and used their tactics on them, field testing them hundreds of times, and they worked. AMOGs could no longer destroy him. He called these tactics “AMOG.”
Here’s some examples of the tactics from his own mouth:
AMOG: Hey girls, what’s up. (trying to steal his set)
TYLER: Hey dude (puts his hands up like he gives up), I will pay you a hundred dollars right now if you take these girls away from me.
GIRLS: No, no. We love you! (giggle, crawl all over Tyler, deflate the AMOG)
AMOG: Hey man, keep talking. Let’s hear your pitch. Pick these girls up, man. You’re doing awesome.
TYLER: Hey, you know I’ve gotta try to impress you cool London guys (or “rugby-shirt wearing guys” or “shiny shoes guys” or whatever detail Tyler would gather from a quick look at them and then use that detail against the AMOG to make him feel self-conscious). You guys fucking rock.
AMOG: Is that design on your shirt a sphincter? Man, you’re going to need somebody to protect you, mate. You’re going to have all the guys into you.
TYLER: Dude, that’s why I rolled up on you. I need you, man. Help me, please, man. I look at you, and I just know that you were born to protect my sphincter.
AMOG: (startes touching him to show dominance)
TYLER: Haha dude. I’m not into guys, man. Dude, the gay club is over there. Hands off the merchandise, buddy.
AMOG: qualifying to you he’s not gay.
AMOG: (gets into your face)
TYLER: (silence. Doesn’t respond. Tyler just stands there quietly. As a general rule, Tyler discovered that if a guy keeps trying to out-alpha you and you don’t answer, eventually he looks beta because he is trying too hard to get your attention. Another trick is to make “let’s get out of here” motions with your eyes to your girls. Speaking “girl language” to girls… always a good thing.)
AMOG: (shows signs he wants to fight)
TYLER: Haha dude. Are you like trying to pick a fight with me? haha. Okay, okay. Hold up, hold up. Wait a sec. We’ll do even better. First, we’ll have an arm wrestling competition. Then we’ll do one-armed pushups. And last, pose-down! (Starts flexing) Ladies?
GIRLS: (laughing) Ooh you’re so strong.
AMOG: (tooled because he looks like he’s trying too hard to impress the girls with his physical superiority)
Neil later in the book accused Tyler of worshipping the AMOG concept a little bit too much.
Neil, along with Tyler, were both students of Mystery. Neil and Mystery became best friends. And Tyler went on to use everything Mystery taught him to profit from it. Most pickup artist businesses out there have done the same thing, the founders starting out as students of Mystery then creating their own business based on his ideas. Anyway, Tyler called his business “Real Social Dynamics,” based on a term Mystery invented “social dynamics.” It’s still one of the top pickup artist businesses to this day.
But that wasn’t even the worst of it. “The Game” talks about how Neil a.k.a Style, Mystery, Tyler, and other pickup artists had all lived under the same roof called “Project Hollywood.” Well, to eliminate his competitors, Tyler used some of these AMOG techniques as backhanded ways to “freeze out” both Neil and Mystery from the house to turn it into a place for his Real Social Dynamics business.
Obviously I’m just repeating what I read in the book. I wasn’t there.
Neil also said that he had said to Tyler once that Tyler was the type of person who liked to rise to the top of a situation by eliminating his competitors, and Tyler agreed (page 427).
So, even though there’s good to Tyler’s AMOG concept, there seems to be some shady male ego stuff attached to it, too. I’m not interested in that part of the concept. Rather than using the AMOG techniques to “destroy” other guys, I’m more interested in simply learning how to defend yourself from these kinds of people… in the most ethical way possible.
Here’s one of the most important things to take away from Tyler’s AMOG concept. It’s the observation there’s often a power struggle in human interactions. People have egos. And people will cut you down in order to satisfy those little monsters.
The question is: if you come across a guy who says to you in front of a bunch of girls: “Nice shirt. I had one like that in high school”… What do you do?
The basic solution is this. These people are creating an imaginary “frame” about you. But it’s a false frame. And unless you reveal it to be false, people might take it for reality, including yourself. Don’t accept this false “problem frame.” Create a better, truer frame of your own.
This post has gotten long. So, I’ll tell you exactly how in “Part II.”