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Category Archives: Frame Control

Video: Mystery Owning Sh*t Tests

I came across this classic video of Mystery handling shit tests from a bratty chick. What I admire is how calm, cool, and collected he remains. Instead of getting testy, he seems to be like “you’re so cute,” instead.

Such a great lesson. Instead of taking shit-tests personally, turn it into playful banter and tell her how “cute” she’s being. Defuses negativity, and wins the girl over. Unruffled by the outside world. I imagine women find that super hot.

Check it out:

 
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Posted by on March 31, 2014 in Frame Control, Handling Women, Videos

 

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Russell Brand on MSNBC

Found this video through Neil Strauss. Great example of frame control.

 
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Posted by on February 11, 2014 in Frame Control, Home, Videos

 

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AMOGs, Shit Tests, and Bitch Shields, Part III

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The best way to be an AMOG? Treat everyone with respect and kindness.

This is actually how Mystery AMOGs. He doesn’t try to tear people down to make himself feel better. He lifts everyone else up.

And guess what happens when you do that? Naturally you put yourself into a leadership role. Hostility is not necessary for dominance.

First and foremost, treat everyone with respect. See the best in people. Make them feel important. People will be cool with you in return. You’ll make friends rather than enemies.

If that doesn’t work it’s onto Plan B.

The basic idea behind Plan B (again): Don’t accept the negative frame. Replace it with a positive one.

Here are some examples. I’ll start with AMOG situations (dealing with guys) and I’ll end with Shit Tests and Bitch Shields (dealing with girls).

There’s three basic categories of technique in either situation. “Ignore,” “Meta-frame” and “Agreeing, but Reducing to the Absurd.”

AMOGs:

1. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”

Ignore. Don’t even respond. Just keep talking about what you were talking about.

2. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”

“Cool man. Anyway.”

Less is more. Still under the “Ignore” category. The more attention you give to him, the more power you give to him. So, give the least possible attention, the least possible words, the least possible reaction.

3. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”

“That was weird. Anyway…”

Here, you stand outside their frame, judging it from a higher place. A “meta” frame. You don’t accept his frame. You see it as weird.

4. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”

“This guy you can dress him up, but you can’t take him anywhere.”

Another example of a “meta” frame. Again, notice how you don’t accept his frame. You step outside it and see it from a higher position. You see it as a social violation.

5. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”

“Yep. Doesn’t she have great taste?”

Here you actually agree with the frame but exaggerate it. The exaggeration makes his frame absurd. The technique is also known as “Yes and…” You simply agree, then exaggerate it. By doing this you’re showing his frame to be ridiculous. You’ve destroyed it with humor.

6. “Is that design on your shirt a sphincter? Man, you’re going to need somebody to protect you, mate. You’re going to have all the guys into you.”

“Dude, that’s why I rolled up on you. I need you, man. Help me, please, man. I look at you, and I just know that you were born to protect my sphincter.”

Another example of agreeing with the frame and exaggerating it to the absurd.

SHIT TESTS AND BITCH SHIELDS:

1. “Do women even like you?”

“Oh my God, you are so cute. Look at you trying to give me shit.”

Eeeeeeeeverything she does is cute. Everything. When you put a label on someone, you don’t accept their negative frame. You interpret theirs another way: her being cute. This is a type of “meta” frame.

The other advantage of specifically calling her “cute”: it creates sexual tension. Sexual tension comes from being dominant, and her being “cute.” In other words, you being masculine, she being feminine.

2. You’re talking and the girl gets all distracted.

“Hey ADD, party’s over here.”

Again, putting a label on someone interprets them in your own way. The frame goes from “you’re not very important” (her frame) to “she gets easily distracted” (your frame). You’ve stepped outside her negative frame using a “meta” frame. Nice.

3. “What kind of shirt is that?”

“Do you always wear that lipstick? Anyway…”

You’re not even answering her frame. You come up with your own. You’ve “Ignored” hers.

4. “You’re a stupid piece of shit. Get the fuck away from me!”

“That was weird.”

OR

“Wow, that was rude.”

Same kind of “meta” frame from above. Instead of playing into her negative frame, you see it from a higher position of judgment: her being completely rude.

Another way to deal with extreme rudeness:

“Oh I get it. You probably act like this all the time, and you probably get away with it too. I don’t buy it. I think that you act like a bitch and you convince people you’re a bitch but really you’re a sensitive person. I know that you’re really a nice person but you have to act this way because a lot of dorks hit on you.”

Credit: Brad P. Here you reinterpret her bitchiness in a positive way. You turn a negative frame into a positive one. Another “meta-frame.”

5. “You’re short.”

“Yes I am. Great things come in small packages.”

Agree and replace her negative insinuation with a positive one. Your positive frame is now in charge.

6. “Do you say this to all the girls?”

“Yes, you’re the 512th person I’ve said this to today.”

Agree and exaggerate.

7. “Does this make me look fat?”

“Yeah, I wasn’t going to say anything.”

Agree and exaggerate.

8. “I have a boyfriend.”

“Maybe he can make us breakfast in bed.”

Agree and exaggerate.

OR

“That’s cool. I have an uncle that has 5 cats. 4 blue ones and 1 red one. He dyed them blue and red. You should check it out sometime. Anyway…”

Agree and exaggerate… take it to the absurd.

9. “Will you buy me a drink?”

“I’d be happy to. But let me get to know you better first.”

Agree, but replace with your own frame. You’re not the stereotypical guy who thinks he has to buy girl’s attention (her frame). Your frame is we’re two human beings. Let’s focus on that first before getting money involved.

By the way, you can do this technique with any other demand she might place on you. In other words, rather than blindly jump through her hoops, let her jump through yours first. Then you can go through hers. That way it’s even. You’re not rewarding potentially spoiled, princess behavior. She gives and you give. For example:

“Sure, but before I do that, give me at least one compliment.”

10. Let’s say she’s giving you bad behavior and she doesn’t respond to a more good-humored response. Then factually point out what she did, and tell her you won’t stand for it:

“This is what you did. This is not cool with me. If this behavior doesn’t change, I’m gone.”

You don’t accept her frame where she thinks she can get away with whatever she wants because she’s hot. Stand outside of her self-absorbed frame, a “meta” frame, and call her on her shit… respectfully. If her behavior still doesn’t change, walk away. You’ve got bigger fish to fry. As a byproduct, this can actually create attraction… while halting bad behavior at the same time.

And that’s about it.

Each technique “Ignore,” “Meta-frame,” and “Agree to the Absurd” has this in common: they disregard a negative frame and replace it with a positive one. Never think you have to accept people’s negative frames. They are mere interpretations of reality, not reality itself. You can always create your own frame… and get things back to reality.

This way you stand up for yourself, but in a way that still treats people with respect.

 
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Posted by on February 19, 2013 in Frame Control, Home

 

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AMOGs, Shit Tests, and Bitch Shields, Part II

Create a Frame of your own: the key to handling AMOGs, Shit Tests, and Bitch Shields

Disacknowledge the negative frame and paint your own.

Dealing with AMOGs is kinda like dealing with a computer program with a bad virus. Would you want to play in a virus-infected program?

Hell no!

Same with AMOGs, Shit Tests, and Bitch Shields.

Don’t play into the frame. Shut it down. And replace it with a better one.

For example, someone says “Hey nice shirt. Did you get that in high school?” If you say yes you’re playing into his frame. And if you say no, you’re playing into his frame. Why say yes or no at all? Fuck that shit. Create your own frame that doesn’t make you look like an asshole.

“This guy, you can dress him up, but you can’t take him anywhere.”

See how you don’t even bother answering “yes” or “no”… which plays in his frame… but replace it with something else entirely? The frame you replace his with: this is a guy with no social acuity.

But you also do this with good-humor. Never to harm, hurt, or destroy. Otherwise you look pissy and rude and like a big baby. You say this with a smile on your face.

It’s like dealing with your own negative thoughts. No need to beat yourself up over having them. And for God’s sakes, no need to let the negative thoughts take you over either! Simply recognize you’re having negative thoughts. See they’re not real. Then replace them with positive thoughts, or reality.

So, step one: recognize the words that are coming from the AMOGs for what they are. “Thought-viruses.” It’s not reality. It’s bullshit.

Step two: Ignore the “frame.”

Step three: Replace the negative frame with a positive one. If you don’t replace it, the virus will just come back.

That’s it.

Dealing with AMOGs is just a matter of not playing into their negative frame, and replacing it with your own positive one.

Hold on, hold on, hold on, you say. What the hell is a frame?

Great question.

The word “frame” comes from NLP, “Neuro-Linguistic Programming,” a hybrid of hypnosis and psychotherapy invented in the 1970s. It has some great uses, especially for programming your mind for success.

And that’s how the word “frame” fits into NLP.

The book that really clarified the term for me was “Sleight of Mouth” by Robert Dilts.

Great Book. It really clarified the concept of "frame" for me.

Great Book. It really clarified the concept of “frame” for me.

Great read. Highly recommended.

His basic premise was we can program ourselves for failure if we think within a “problem frame.” We can do this in our own thinking, and people can do this to us in order to keep us down. To break free from this “thought virus,” we need to replace this with a higher, “solution frame.” This sets us up for success. The book explores how to do this through language.

There’s a quote in “Hamlet” where Hamlet says, “There’s nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so.” That’s the essence of a frame. We humans are a unique animal. We interpret facts. A frame is an interpretation. It’s a “way of seeing” the world.

The philosopher Wittgenstein said something similar in his “Tractatus.”

Wittgenstein

One of the great philosophers of the twentieth century: Ludwig Wittgenstein 1889 – 1951.

He said value and meaning don’t lie within the world. The world simply consists of facts. Value must reside outside of the world. Value includes things like aesthetics and ethics, but also negative thinking too.

One example of this is snow. There’s nothing inherently good or bad about snow. It’s simply a fact. We put meaning into the snow by thinking it’s either bad or good. Dilt’s point was when we interpret the snow into a frame of “problem” it can set us up for failure. Interpreting snow into a more positive frame has a better chance of setting us up for success.

AMOGs, Shit Tests, and Bitch Shields are simply a negative frame. It’s a power trip. It’s a way of cutting someone else down to make them look superior. But their frame is not reality. It’s a figment of their imagination. You have the choice of accepting it or disregarding it and creating your own.

And if you reveal their power trip for what it is, you almost don’t have to do a thing. Their negative, power-grubbing frame will work against them. It’s so absurd what they’re really doing, it’s actually funny. Dilts calls stepping out of the frame to reveal what it is a “meta-frame.”

You can also preempt from all this happening, too.

How?

Treat everyone with respect and kindness. This keeps a positive frame. Be cool with people, make ’em feel important, often they’ll be cool with you.

If that doesn’t work, go to Plan B: disregard the frame and replace it with your own.

Again… HOW?

Either step outside the negative frame and call them on their shit… the “meta-frame”…

Or agree and reduce it to the absurd.

I’ll give you some examples in the final part of this article.

 
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Posted by on February 12, 2013 in Frame Control, Home

 

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