Tag Archives: Mystery

The Comfort Sequence

Holy crap she’s beautiful! Don’t be intimidated. After you’ve made her laugh, connect with her.

Let’s talk about building comfort and trust with women.

There’s a beginning, a middle, and an ending to every courtship. You and I know that. But let’s do a quick review for the hell of it.

The beginning is attraction, the middle is comfort, and the ending is seduction.

Begin with attraction. Don’t open in seduction or comfort. I’ve seen guys open girls with “Hey baby nice tits.” And I’ve seen guys open with “So, where are you from?” before she knows anything about them. There’s a time and place for that. But not in the beginning.

First, spark attraction! Push her away, pull her in, make her laugh, and demonstrate an engaging and masculine personality.

After she shows signs she’s attracted (e.g. she’s still talking to you, her body is facing yours, she’s laughing and engaged, when you qualify her she complies), establish comfort and trust. Some guys might wanna skip comfort and jump into seduction right away. And others might think they have to keep negging her and playing hard to get. No. Shift gears and connect.

How do you connect and build comfort and trust? We’ll dig into all that in a sec.

After you’ve established enough comfort and trust (spending about 4-7 hours with her), physically escalate her to sex. One mistake guys will make here is to stay in the comfort zone. Other guys will keep cracking jokes, making her laugh. I’ve been in both those places. But at some point you’ve gotta switch the mood to a seductive one, be bold and make a move towards foreplay and sex.

Okay, so there’s a quick review. I just wanted to paint a backdrop for where comfort happens.

Now let’s dig into COMFORT.

I mean, there’s not a whole lot out there on it, right? There’s more stuff on attraction and seduction… the glamour phases. But not much on building comfort and trust. So, what I’d like to do here is give you a little map of the sequence, so you don’t get lost.

And as always, I wanna give credit where it’s due. Obviously, these aren’t my ideas. Mystery was the genius who invented this map.

Here’s the basic idea of the map…

There’s a beginning, middle, and ending to the comfort phase, too: C1, C2, and C3.

The idea is you want to show you’re not some skeezeball out to get sex from her. You want to show you’re a human being just like her. You want to show you’re not a “stranger.”

Comfort is about breaking out of the “stranger” mould and becoming more and more “human” to each other.

And you want to connect with her on an emotional level.

But there’s a strategic sequence to all this. Follow the sequence, and it can help us lead women seamlessly to sex. It installs booby traps for the friend zone. And it’s an ETHICAL way to build her desire for sex with us, so she actually WANTS it.

Let’s check out each phase.

C1: IN THE PICKUP LOCATION

Move your target (and her friends if necessary) to a nice sit-down area of the pickup location

After you’ve gotten some indicators of interest from your target, isolate her. Move her and her group of friends if necessary to a nice sit down location within the venue you met her.

Or, you can isolate her within her group of friends.

For example, while in her group of friends, you can say to your target, “I want to show you something.” Turn your back to her friends, and do something like The Cube on her. That way there’s no weirdness on both the girl and her friend’s parts about you separating a girl from her pack of friends.

In either case, once in isolation, enjoy each other’s company. Now all those questions, “so, where are you from?” can be asked. She’s already attracted, so you can ask those kinds of questions.

You still need to be a bit of a challenge though. You’re not like “You like me? Holy shit! Well, I like you, too! I mean, you’ve got great taste. Wanna make out?”

Uh, no.

Just because she likes you, doesn’t mean a thing. That can change with the drop of a hat. Still be DEVELOPING attraction for her.

You can do this by asking her more qualification questions. For example, “So, what do you want to be when you grow up? And don’t say princess.” You want her to say things of interest so you can be like, “You like Tool? No WAY!” By the way, you can still qualify her in C1.

Here’s another tip. Never isolate a girl from a two set. Meaning, if a girl is there with just one friend, don’t leave her friend alone and alienated. Isolate them both.

When you do, make sure the target sits between you and the obstacle.

When isolating a two-set, have the target sit in the middle. Talk to the obstacle on the end.

Speak with the obstacle so the target can hear what you’re saying. And while you’re speaking with the obstacle, physically escalate the target.

Nice.

If you sit with your target for at least 25-40 minutes, you’ll at least get a solid number close. You can do a kiss close during this phase, too.

The first kiss isn’t a seduction tactic, it’s a comfort building one. From: “Good Will Hunting”

But C1 is simply defined by location. You’re isolated with her in the pickup location.

C2: IN PLACES NOT CONNECTED WITH THE PICKUP LOCATION OR THE SEDUCTION LOCATION

The infamous “coffee date” is an example of C2. Take her to a venue not connected with the pickup location or the seduction location.

After you’ve spent about 25-40 minutes with her in C1, invite her to join you in another venue. This is called a “bounce.” The first bounce is a trusting thing.

You’re still a stranger to her. Are you going to compromise her safety? She doesn’t know you yet. But if you take her into another venue and you act completely normal, safe, and make her feel comfortable… trust has been established. And it makes inviting her to your place easier later on.

Also, when you enter a new venue together, you’re no longer “strangers.” You have a “couple” feel. Hello comfort. Good bye strangers.

And feel free to bounce her to multiple venues. Hang out in 5 locations during the course of one night and it will feel like she’s known you longer than if you hung out in 1 location for the same amount of time. It’s weird how the works, huh.

Here’s some things to keep in mind for this phase.

#1. Have fuuuuuun. What does like EVERY personal ad by a woman say? Exactly. She wants a man she can have fun with and who makes her laugh. Well, man, have fun. One way to do this is to take her to fun, eclectic places like the scene below from “Good Will Hunting.”

Or you can have fun over a cup of tea, too. It’s just an eclectic place has props and fun stuff in the environment to play with. How do you have fun? Pretend you’re three years old again in a sandbox and you don’t need to impress anyone. Make yourself laugh. Chances are she’ll have fun, too.

#2. Kino. Get comfortable holding hands and kissing. Hollywood movies have it wrong. DON’T wait to kiss at the end of the night. It’s always awkward. Kiss and touch before the end of the night and all throughout it. Kissing is not a seduction tactic but a comfort-building one. She’ll get more and more comfortable with your touch. This makes the bridge over to seduction land a cinch to cross over later.

#3. Continue to build commonalities. Get curious about her. Listen. Genuinely appreciate what she has to say. And here’s a quick conversation tip. After she answers a question of yours, comment on her answer before asking another question. It forces you to listen, and it lets you avoid transforming into the dreaded “Interviewer.”

#4. Be social. Taking her into multiple venues, and making light conversation with the bartender or cashier or people at the bar lets her see you’re a social person. A real human being. And being able to get along with others is an attractive quality.

If you’re unable to bounce her that same night, set up a date to see her again right there and then. That’s called a “Time Bridge.” Make sure to set a time and place to see each other though. Saves having to play phone game later.

So, C2 is defined by location, too. You’re spending time with her away from the pickup location but not in the seduction location… yet.

C3: IN THE SEDUCTION LOCATION

Enjoying some alone time in the seduction location. From: “Vicky, Christina, Barcelona”

After you’ve spent three or four hours with her going on these mini-dates, invite her to the seduction location. For example, the living room of your apartment. If you’ve spent enough time in C2, it makes the chances higher that she’ll come over.

Don’t pounce on her when she comes in. Build more comfort and trust.

Show her around. Get her a drink. Have her sit on the couch with you. Put on some music. “Come on in, take a seat, hang out.”

When she comes in, you’re NOT in seduction yet. Again, show her her safety is not compromised by being alone with you in a seduction location.

The door is unlocked, the blinds are up, she can leave anytime she wants. You’re not going to force sex on her. No threat, no pressure whatsoever.

Here’s some things you can do.

Have some cool stuff laying around, like a cool book to look through on your coffee table. You can even have the “Book of Questions” handy or Zen cards or a Dream Interpretation book or play dough or whatever might make a girl say “What’s that?”

If you play a musical instrument, play her a song.

Here’s another idea. I got it from David DeAngelo. You can listen to your voicemail messages while massaging her hand. It’s like a reality time-warp into a time and place where it feels like you’ve known each other for months. The point is, you’re not skeezing her out. You’re still establishing comfort and trust.

Here’s one more idea. You can do your grounding sequence. In fact, definitely do your grounding sequence here.

A “grounding sequence” is when you ground your identity with her reality. Instead of saying “I’m a writer” which might feel abstract to her, you can tell a string of 3-7 stories about how you became a writer so it grounds you to her, and makes your identity more relatable. How you became who you are today from childhood, through adolescence, through college, and beyond. So, she feels like she knows you.

Make sure to do the same for her. Stop after one of your stories and ask “what about you?” Let’s say she says she’s going to school for nursing: “You’re going to school for nursing? Amazing. How’d that happen? How’d you become who you are?”

This usually happens in C3, but can also happen in C2.

Now, before you’ve brought her into the seduction location, you’ve kissed. You’ve held hands. You’ve bounced her. You’ve gotten to know her.

So, it’s natural that after you’ve talked a bit in living room, you’d kiss her again. But this time, it’s a longer kiss. And you begin to arouse her. Stop, take her hand, and lead her into the bedroom.

You’ve officially left the comfort phase, and you’ve entered the final one, seduction.

Now that you’ve built enough comfort…

CONCLUSION

After you’ve attracted her and made her laugh, spend at least four to seven hours getting to know her. During that time, kiss and kino. Connect. And take her into as many fun venues as you can. Seduction… without the buyer’s remorse or the last minute resistance… won’t be far behind.

First Time Sex

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I’m gonna let Mystery talk about first time sex here. He’s got some great words of wisdom.

Mystery: First time sex is very important.

I live in a world of abundance. Seriously. Do you know how many WOMEN are out there?

So, first time sex is NOT about trying to get your rocks off. Have sex with her because you legitimately LIKE this girl.

Sleep with ’em because you like ’em.

I’ve gone through my rockstar phase. I’ve had some hot girls… but they weren’t QUALITY. Crazy, huh?

I personally only go after women who has a sexuality and a personality about them that keeps me engaged.

First time sex is important. Practice up to that part. But don’t have sex with a girl and afterwards you’re like I don’t want to see her again.

Wouldn’t you rather look down and say, “Oh my God! I can’t believe she’s laying here next to me. I deserve this, but holy shit. I’m gonna do my best to be the best man possible, ’cause she inspires me.”

This is from an interview he did with David DeAngelo of David’s “Interviews with Dating Gurus” series.

It’s a point well taken. Be careful who you have sex with. Don’t have sex just to get your rocks off or feed your ego or brag to the guys “I conquered her.” Have sex with her because you actually like her.

So, practice pickup up to the point of sex. And if she’s a girl you honestly like, go for it.

If you are gonna go for it, here are some quick rules of thumb to follow.

1. Tease her, give her lots of arousal, and build anticipation. That means there’s absolutely no rush to stick your dick into her. The more she’s worked up before you enter her, the closer she’ll be to the edge of orgasm. And make sure she comes before you do.

2. There’s no need to be silent just because you’re in bed with her. Talk with her. Tell her how beautiful she looks, describe what you’re doing and use dirty words like “fuck,” “cock,” and “pussy.” Tell her what to do and tell her you like what she’s doing. If you’re feeling good, express it. Make noise. You love to hear a woman get turned on, right? Same thing with women. They love to hear you’re getting turned on.

3. Dominate her, ravish her, unleash the animal inside. But also be sensitive enough to listen to her body and her moans and respond to her accordingly. It’s very much like a conversation. Listen, and respond. It’s not a monologue where you do all the talking or where you’re performing. You’re CONNECTING with this real live human being right here, right now, right in front of you.

4. Enjoy yourself as if you’re eating the most delicious meal you’ve ever had. It’s so delicious and fills you with such pleasure you don’t want it to end. If you make sure to enjoy yourself, I guarantee she’ll enjoy herself too.

I’ve got more stuff on this under the category “Sex.”

Oh, and one last thing. Have fun.

Last Minute Resistance

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Just before you have sex with a girl for the first time, sometimes you’ll encounter what Mystery calls “Last Minute Resistance.” Also known as “LMR” in the pickup community.

There’s a way to pre-empt this so it won’t even come up.

And if it does come up, there’s a smart way to handle it so a girl feels comfortable enough having sex.

The difference between knowing what to do in this situation and what not to do is the difference between a boy who whines and panics, and a man who maintains a strong lead.

Before I get into the how-to, let’s try to see where a girl is coming from when this happens.

There are nine total phases in a pickup sequence: open (A1), attraction (A2), and qualification (A3) in the ATTRACT PHASE; comfort in the pickup location (C1), comfort in neither the pickup location nor the seduction location (C2), and comfort in the seduction location (C3) in the COMFORT PHASE; foreplay (S1), last minute resistance (S2), and sex (S3) in the SEDUCTION PHASE.

The objective of S2 or “Last Minute Resistance” is to ease a girl’s hard-wired reaction to first time sex. So, let’s try to see where she’s coming from when this happens.

Mystery has a great way of breaking all this down. I’ve heard him say her Last Minute Resistance is similar to our First Minute Resistance. They feel a similar anxiety just before sex that we feel just before we approach a girl. There’s a reason Mystery made this connection.

Women have said what they feel just before they have sex for the first time is it’s like having $10,000 on red and the ball is spinning. “C’mon red, c’mon red.”

All that she’s feeling is: “Is this man going to stick around?” It doesn’t mean she wants you to actually stick around but she wants the option to be hers. Also, some girls get this anxiety because they don’t want to be seen as a slut by you or her friends, too.

The LMR pang goes away when she knows: sex or no sex you’re gonna stick around. And she’s not a slut for having sex. In fact, take full responsibility for making the sex happen. That way she can tell her friends “it just happened, it wasn’t my fault.”

So, here’s what to do.

Start your LMR campaign… knowing that you’ll be there later… 10 MINUTES INTO THE SET. For example, let’s say you’re sitting down with her in the pickup location building comfort for the first time, and she goes to the bathroom. When she comes back say something like this:

“Not to give you a big head or anything but when you left all I wanted was for you to hurry up and get your ass back here. ‘Cause there was no one else I wanted to talk to. Don’t get me wrong, you could lose me in a heart beat, but that was a feeling I wanted to share with you.”

This pre-empts LMR. So, when she’s in bed with you later and has that pang “is he gonna stick around?” she thinks back and remembers what you said.

In other words, to pre-empt LMR, let her know I’m not just going to have sex with you and forget about you. I’m gonna stick around. And it’s not my choice. My HEART is telling me to stick around. I’m thinking about you, I WANT to call you. It’s not some rational duty. You’ve hijacked my emotional heart.

She needs to know all that. She needs to know you like her for legitimate reasons, as a human being, and you’re not going to just use her.

If she knows that, her LMR circuit won’t even fire.

If her LMR still fires, here’s what you do.

Agree with her and stop. Put absolutely NO pressure on her to have sex.

Here’s what some other guys might do.

HER: “We should stop.”

GUY: “But baby what’s wrong…” And then LOGIC her to death.

Instead, say this: “I know. We should stop. We shouldn’t be doing this. And we certainly shouldn’t be doing this!” Then playfully nibble her ear or something. Make her laugh and turn her on at the same time. Haha. Love it.

I mean, she’s in bed with you. It’s just token resistance at this point. She just wants you to know she doesn’t normally do this. That’s all.

So, here’s what to remember.

1. Let her know during the comfort phase that you won’t leave her.

2. Let her know during the comfort phase that the word “slut” is bullshit and you respect spontaneous, adventurous women.

3. If you still get LMR during the seduction phase, agree, stop, and try again later.

4. One last point. If you give her lots of arousal during foreplay, believe me, she’ll want sex.

And that’s it.

Just remember, women LOVE sex. They WANT to get fucked. She might struggle with a little anxiety beforehand, but she wants it. It’s your job to make her FEEL… let me emphasize that word, FEEL, not intellectually debate, manipulate or force, FEEL… comfortable getting what she really, really wants anyway.

The 5 Attraction Switches

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This is one of my favorite discoveries by Mystery.

He discovered there are 5 attraction switches in the female mind. And he discovered that any man who systematically triggers these switches over and over again will get some serious indicators of interest from a woman.

If you’re anything like me, I always used to think looks and being nice was what attracted women. Because looks attract me, and who wants someone who’s mean? I’m not a tall guy, and I found even if I was the nicest guy in the world to a woman, it didn’t attract her.

So, I kinda resigned myself to the fact that I’d never be attractive to women. I mean if you listen to women, one of the things they always say they want in a man is height. And although they say they like a nice guy, they always seemed to end up with the “bad boys.”

Happily I found out from my pickup journey that it’s not about looks or being a “bad boy” that attract women. It’s PERSONALITY. More specifically, a MASCULINE personality.

Height and the “bad boy” thing are just surface symptoms of something deeper that’s going on.

It’s not those things per se that attracts women. It’s the feeling she gets from the height difference, and the feeling she gets with a bad boy. Namely, she’s a woman, and he’s the man.

Well, there are other ways to create that feeling inside a woman without having to be tall or without having to be a bad boy or without being rich.

Enter the 5 attraction switches.

They’re 5 aspects of a masculine personality that make a woman feel like she’s with a man. Even if you’re not tall or the best looking guy or superrich or whatever, if you’ve got these 5 traits, you’ll turn her on… and on a PRIMAL level. They can’t help but feel attraction.

Before I get into the 5 switches, I wanna bring home an important point about all this.

Okay, so after you open a set, the objective is to systematically trigger these attraction switches. This is done through DHVs or “Demonstrations of Higher Value.” Cool.

But the point I wanna make is DHVs aren’t so much “demonstrations.” They’re “embodiments” of these 5 switches. Don’t stop triggering these switches in the attract phase. It continues in comfort, in seduction, and after you have sex with her… forever.

In other words, don’t just demonstrate these traits. BE these traits. Don’t just try to get a beautiful woman. BE a man of higher value that NATURALLY attracts the most beautiful women in your life.

Make sense?

So much about the “demonstration” part of DHV. Let’s real quickly look at the “value” part.

Value doesn’t refer to some esoteric, abstract thing. It’s very specific. It’s survivor value that a woman can USE.

Let me back up.

In evolutionary theory, there’s this idea that we humans want to survive, but also we want to replicate our genes to keep our species alive. At base we humans want two basic things: to survive and to replicate.

Men seem to be attracted to replication value, such as youth, waist-to-hip ratio, and all that.

They’re signs of fertility and health.

Women seem to be attracted to survival value, such as high social status, leadership, wealth of resources. They want a man who can protect and take care of her.

So, the 5 attraction switches revolve around this one theme. Being a “survivor.” The reason this “value” is valuable is because it’s a benefit to her. You’re someone who can take care of her and protect her. There’s a primal, feminine use in it for her.

Trigger these switches and you trigger a primal urge in her to have a masculine man in her life. Her biological, physical, feminine self can’t help but WANT to “merge” and “reproduce” with this man of a man.

What I’m trying to say is, don’t make DHV about me, me, me or showing off or bragging about how awesome you are.

No.

Make the 5 triggers things to embody FOR REAL, and make DHV about how you benefit her. Don’t be a “getter,” be a “giver.” Don’t try to “get” her replication value from her for your gain. Be someone with a lot of survivor value that’d she want to get for herself. This puts the desire in her for you.

That’s what I’m talkin’ bout.

I wanted to make that point because when I first started off, I used to think DHV was about me and showing off. Just the opposite. It’s about honest-to-God becoming a better man, which benefits others.

Phew. Now that I’ve got that out of the way, let’s talk about these switches.

The first switch is “Preselection.”

All this means is you’re attractive to other women. She’ll instantly feel a pang of curious attraction for you if she sees this. You have value for other women, so you must have value for her. All happening on the subconscious level.

How to demonstrate this?

Have women around you is the easiest way to trigger this switch. If you don’t have girls to roll with, be talking to everyone in the bar or lounge. Meet girls there. Women see this, and they want to be where the excitement is. You can also convey preselection by mentioning your past girlfriends, or joking about how many women are clamoring for you or by sharing you have knowledge of women.

The second switch is “The Leader of Men.”

A lot of guys think it’s impossible to approach a woman with guys in the group. It’s not impossible. It can actually be to your advantage.

You can lead men by telling them stories, showing respect to them, getting along with them. If they start acting like a dick, handle them with class and respect. You’re leading them. That’s attractive.

The third switch is “Protector of Loved Ones.”

Loved ones include parents, siblings, friends, girlfriends. How much do you care for them? Has there ever been a time when they were in danger and you were there to help them or protect them?

Show her that her life would be improved if she built an alignment with you. You can convey this in small gestures like pulling out a chair for her, opening a door for her, giving her your coat if she gets cold, helping an old lady cross the street, showing kindness to the waiter, standing up for yourself or for her.

The fourth switch is “Willingness to Emote.”

When you open a set, systematically demonstrate your emotional state. For example, smile when you approach. When you speak, speak expressively and with enthusiasm. Have a demeanor like you’re celebrating like it’s the end of Ocean’s Eleven: “I need nothing from you. I’m just enjoying myself. Who are you? And that’s special because?”

Be lit up from the inside, passionate, enthusiastic. They’ll feel that. Also, playing an instrument for them, singing for them, sharing a touching story are ways to make her feel. Women are emotional.

Wonderful, positive emotions attract them like bees to honey.

The fifth switch is “Successful Risk Taker.”

You don’t have to be a millionaire to attract women. But you do want to show women you at least have direction in your life. You’re going somewhere. And you live life on the edge, challenging yourself to take the risks to get there. That’s attractive.

Sharing your goals, dreams, and passions is one way to convey this. Also, we all have success stories from our past. Sharing these stories about how you overcame odds puts you in a positive light and builds feelings of attraction in her for you.

Of the five switches, the most important to trigger IN FIELD, like in a bar or other public gathering, is “Preselection.” It’s the equivalent of a big pair of tits for us.

When you’re first starting out, get good at triggering these 5 attraction switches for at least 25 minutes. 25 minutes because that’s the time frame from opening a group to C1 or building comfort with her.

At first, incorporate these DHV “spikes” or triggers into the stories you tell and in your behavior. But if you’re going to tell stories, tell them to the group, not to your target. That way it shows you’re not after her. At first, if you do say anything to her, neg her or banter with her. This creates sexual tension.

When you’re in comfort with her, obviously continue to incorporate these traits into your stories and behavior. It doesn’t ever stop. One difference between the attract and comfort phase is let HER talk. Entice her to DHV to you, and listen to what she has to say. Connect. But still sprinkle in some banter and be a bit of a challenge. She doesn’t “have” you yet.

Get good at a 25 minute act where the character you play is the best version of you. Soon this will be how you walk through the world. And every woman WILL want you. This isn’t some pretend thing. This isn’t something you do in a bar just to attract women.

Like I said at the beginning of all this, this is about becoming these traits so they naturally come across without you even having to think about it. Build a life FOR REAL worthy to bring beautiful women into.

Here’s what you can do RIGHT NOW.

Step One: Answer this super-important question. What’s your passion in life? What lights you up inside? What’s something that you could do for hours? What’s your deepest gift? What were you put in this world for? Okay, that was five. I know. But they’re different ways of asking the same question. The answer might not come to you right away. But dwell on the question of your purpose. The answer will eventually come.

Step Two: When your answer comes, which usually comes in the form of a feeling, listen to it. And start doing it RIGHT AWAY. Every day spend at least an hour to make your purpose a reality. Make this hour a priority each day.

Step Three: Next time you’re in set, share your passion with everyone. And ask them what their passion is. THAT is a DHV… as well as a qualifier.

Other things you can do right now:

1. Before you open a set, talk to EVERYONE. Say “how’s your night going” to the bouncer, the bartender, and to the first people you see. This is the practice of “Preselection” and “Leader of Men.”

2. Smile on your approach. In fact, practice smiling to at least three strangers a day. This is the practice of “Willingness to emote.” If you want to take this step further, learn a musical instrument. And select one DHV story, feel the emotion in the story, and practice telling it with expression.

3. Mention a girlfriend or ex-girlfriend or a banter about having lots of girlfriends at least once while you’re in set. This is the practice of “Preselection.”

4. Each day, do at least one good deed for a friend, family member or whoever else. Help someone with their homework, take out the trash for your mother, if you’ve got a girl in your life open the car door for her. This is the practice of “Protector of Loved Ones.”

By far the most important thing you can do RIGHT NOW is to figure out your purpose in life. So much of our masculinity is wrapped up in having direction, giving our light to the world, and taking the necessary risks to make it happen.

As always, more important than “getting” women is serving a higher purpose than yourself. Everything else will fall into place.

THE END… And a parting gift of inspiration.

Opening DOs and DON’Ts

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Let’s talk about approaching women.

I’m not gonna lie. It’s hard. People are cynical of strangers striking up a friendly conversation with them. You could be the coolest guy in the world, but people (and women especially) assume the worst about you. And resist you.

You’re guilty before proven innocent.

But if you can slide this ENORMOUSLY heavy obstacle of the way… which you absolutely can… a lot of the pickup afterwards is cake.

Oh, and I wanna give credit where credit is due. Almost everything I’m about to share with you I learned from Mystery. And it’s highly effective.

Women are very rarely found alone. So, when you see a woman of particular beauty, a lot of times, we’ve got to approach her with a group of people around her. Get used to it. It’s just one of the facts of life.

I’ll tell you how NOT to approach.

“Excuse me, do you know what time it is?”

“Yeah, it’s 10:30.”

“Cool, thanks. So, where are you from?”

Now you’re trying to RE-ENGAGE her in conversation. And you’ve just revealed the fact that asking her for the time was in fact a farce. Every man should know by now that asking for the time leads to a dead end street.

“Excuse me. I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if it would be okay if I asked you a question.”

That’s the vagrance opener.

DON’T excuse yourself.

DON’T tell them you already think of yourself as a bother.

And DON’T ask in order to ask.

Just go off into it.

Instead of opening with “Excuse me” say “Hey guys…”

By the way, there’s enormous power in the word “Hey.” Start your opener with that word. It gets attention in a fun way.

Also, DON’T just talk to the prettiest woman in the group. If you speak directly to her, you’ll alienate all her friends.

Instead, make eye contact with every person in the group. That’s how you keep their attention. If you give your attention to only one person, people get bored and start looking elsewhere.

Not only that, if you give all your attention to the prettiest woman her friends presume just by the fact that she’s beautiful and you’re a man that you’re after her. Their instinct will immediately be to protect her and eject you from the group.

You’ve got to immediately disqualify yourself from being considered a potential suitor. You’ve got to convey, “Look, I’m not after her. I’m just a social, friendly guy who enjoys meeting new people.” If you’re in a public gathering like a bar or lounge, it’s expected to be social and meet new people.

How do you convey all this?

Talk to everyone in the group EXCEPT the target. In fact, ignore her. When you do say something to her throw a neg or banter line at her. “I can already tell, this one is trouble.”

Okay, fine. But WHAT do you say to the group of people?

Skip all the polite formalities and dive straight into a story. Or start bantering. I prefer to start off with banter because it’s more interactive.

But let’s say you’re gonna stick with a story, what kind of story do you tell?

A funny one is great. A classic example is Mystery’s “Girl Fight” story. You can check that one out here. Begin with a question that hooks your audience. “Did you see the girl fight outside?” Then dive right into it. Also, check in with the group during the story with questions like “Isn’t that crazy?” or “Know what I mean?” to keep it interactive and make sure they’re with you still.

Have at least three stories ready to rock and roll each 15 seconds. But don’t finish them. Leave each story open so if you ever come to an awkward pause you can say “Where was I? Oh yeah…” and continue a previously opened thread.

Onward.

DON’T speak softly, quietly, mumble, or speak in a monotone voice. No one will hear a word you’re saying. And the group will shut you out.

Instead, speak loudly and slowly. You’ll appear confident and they’ll hear everything you say. Also, speak expressively and enthusiastically. They’ll feel it. Feel whatever you’re saying and express it. THAT’S engaging.

DON’T have a stone cold expression on your face.

If you were to turn to a person who’s approached you and he has that kind of hard, mean expression on your face, how would you respond? Defensive, right?

Now imagine you’re a woman and you’re being approached by a MAN who’s bigger and stronger than you with that cold expression. That’s a woman’s experience. Scary.

So, SMILE on the approach. It’s warm. It’s a ray of sunshine. Which melts ice away.

Obviously, you don’t have to keep the stupid smile on your face. You’ll look cheesy. People will get the overwhelming feeling that you’re keeping shit from them. So, relax the smile after a few seconds.

DON’T lean in to the pretty girl. This telegraphs your interest. Plus she’ll start backing away from you. Counter-productive.

Instead, lean back. Make HER chase YOU.

In fact, when you open, open as if you’re walking past them. Let them know through your body language that you’re not going to stay there forever and ever. You’re on your way out.

DO throw in a false constraint. “I can only stay a second, my friends are here.” Word of warning. Never say “I can only stay a minute.” Guys will go “60, 59, 58…” just to screw with you.

DO have a “root,” or a reason why you’re talking to them. I got this concept from Neil Strauss and it’s huge. The group won’t be able to hear a word of what you’re saying until they know what it is you want from them. Your reason for talking to them?

If you deliver a direct opener, it’s because this girl caught your eye and you wanted to meet her.

If you deliver an indirect opener, it’s because you’re meeting new people. Or, if it’s an opinion opener, you want to get a female opinion. Then you’re leaving. But you can always say “Before I leave…” to keep yourself in there.

DO deliver a banter line within your first two sentences. MOST IMPORTANT! Laughter breaks the ice. And you don’t even need a story or a root or a false constraint. It disqualifies yourself as a potential suitor automatically yet creates sexual tension with her and gives value to the group instantly.

DO initiale kino right away. Tap an arm before you deliver a banter line. You’re a friendly person who has a lot of love to give. Strangers don’t touch. Friends do.

WHOOOOOA! That’s a lot of stuff. I know, I know. But it’s like driving a car. At first, there’s a lot of stuff to remember. But do it enough, it becomes a natural.

Here’s what you can do right now to make sure you approach in a way that melts the ice.

OPTION A, Beginning with a story/routine:

Step #1: Pick a root, a false time constraint, neg, and 3 brief (15-second) routines.

Step #2: Practice your delivery in the mirror. Make sure you smile, you’re expressive, open over the shoulder, and initiate kino. Practice interrupting your routine by opening another. I gave a word-for-word example of “multiple-threading” in my post: “DHV to the Group, NOT the Target.” Practice this at least 5x.

Step #3: Execute in field at least 5x. Each time you finish ask: “So, how do you know each other?” Then say “Pleasure meeting you.” If the conversation is going well, keep going. Don’t worry about getting a phone number, unless it genuinely comes up.

OPTION B, Beginning with Banter:

Step #1: Pick a Banter line

Step #2: Practice your delivery in the mirror. Make sure you smile, you’re expressive, open over the shoulder, and initiate kino. Practice this at least 5x.

Step #3: Execute in field at least 5x. Each time you finish, you can introduce yourself and ask: “So, how do you know each other?” Then say “Pleasure meeting you.” If the conversation is going well, keep going. No need to get a phone number, if you don’t want. You’re just practicing opening.

To simplify it even more, when you approach just give em “feeling good.” And if you practice, just that whole process, will change your life. It did for me. It will for you.

How To Get A Solid Number Close

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It’s not hard getting a phone number. But getting a solid number that doesn’t flake? Hahaha That’s a whole other story.

The secret to getting a solid number is simple. Spend some time with her. Talk to a girl for two minutes, she might give you her phone number, sure, but the chances of it being real… or her picking up the phone the next day… is slim.

Why?

She doesn’t know who the hell you are yet.

So, talk to her for at least 25 – 40 minutes. I learned this technique from Mystery. It works.

I’m gonna go even a step further. Forget the number.

Phone game is just a pain in the damn ass. You’ve got this shoe box full of numbers, and you’ve gotta plow through ’em? Um, no thanks. Then add to that lots of times your call will go straight to her voicemail. Or if she does pick up, she’ll often be a lot more stand-offish or just plain rude. It’s miserable.

Why play phone game later, when you can take her on many “mini” dates, kiss close her, even invite her back to your place that same night? Waaaaaay easier.

But if you MUST get her number… maybe logistics aren’t in your favor that night… here’s a five step process you can follow to get a solid number close. This will increase the chances of her picking up and actually being happy to hear from you when you do call.

STEP #1: Spend AT LEAST 25-40 minutes with her BEFORE you ask for her number. This is the most important step in the process. Spend time in comfort getting to know each other.

Think of it this way. Which would be more memorable to you? A 30 second commercial that was cute and made you laugh… OR a 25 – 40 minute show that made you think or connected with you emotionally? Laughter is great, but it’s momentary. Something with substance, you remember.

STEP #2: If you’ve gotta leave, don’t just get her digits. Make plans. Just asking for her number is lame. Making plans NOW to meet up again is smart. Again, it avoids phone game later.

Tell her something like this: “This has been awesome. We should totally continue this. Let’s grab a cup of tea. When are you free?” Let her pick the date, so you’re not like “Are you free Thursday? What about Friday? What about Saturday…”

Then tell her to meet you at a specific place and a specific time. A cup of coffee or tea is totally cool.

STEP #3: Get her digits. No need for a pen and paper. Type her number into your phone. When you give her your number you can put your name as something like “Sex God” or “Man of Your Dreams” or whatever. Being cocky, playful and keeping the sexual tension up? Hell, yeah.

STEP #4: Talk for a few minutes after you exchange numbers. Don’t just get up and leave. That might give her some buyer’s remorse, like you were only after her for her number.

Wanna know a genius thing you can talk about?

Call her right there and then and pretend you’re talking to a friend about this really cute chick that you just met, and how you like her, and can’t wait to meet her for that cup of tea. She’ll probably giggle some more. Lovely.

STEP #5. When you leave, give her a hug… and if you’ve kissed her already, give her another light kiss.

Keep the physical connection alive. A bodily connection is rooted and real, a mere verbal connection is still up in the air. Again, makes you more memorable. Besides, a physical connection ensures you don’t get dumped into the friend zone. And… it makes it easier to pick up that physical connection next time you see her. Nice.

And that’s all there is to it. If you wanna a SOLID number close, get to know her. Spend AT LEAST 25 – 40 minutes with her. The rest is cake.

The Secret To Inviting Her Back To Your Place

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Kevin James inviting Amber Valletta over in “Hitch.” http://onthesetofnewyork.com/hitch

Have you ever wondered how to invite a woman back to your place… in a way that she’ll WANT to say yes? I know, I have.

Well, here’s the secret.

Before you invite her to your place, take her to another venue… bar, pizza joint, whatever. Once you walk into another place TOGETHER, you’re no longer strangers. You’re like a couple.

By the way, if she’s with a group of friends, it’s okay to have them come along, too. Being part of her group and winning over her friends is a good thing.

Anyway, once she’s out with you at another venue… something weird happens. Like I said, there’s a feeling like you’re on the same team, like you’ve known each other for a while.

Jennifer Garner and Matthew McConaughey play foosball in “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” http://www.allmoviephoto.com/photo/

If you take her to one or two more new venues in one night, it’s like you’ve been on three dates with her. There’s a feeling of “us.” Then when the venues are closing for the night, it’s natural to invite her to your place.

When she’s in bed with you wondering “Do I really know this guy?” and thinks about the four hours she’s spent with you, she remembers being in all those different places with you, and all those memories she’s had with you. It will feel like she’s known you for awhile. She’ll feel a lot more comfortable.

Now, contrast this to if you had spent four hours with her in one place. Same amount of time, but because it’s the SAME place where you were strangers in, you’ll still feel like a stranger to her.

So, next time you go out, “bounce” her as Mystery would say. Then you can invite her back to your place.

You can say something like “You should come over because I want to show you that (fill in the blank: ex. movie, fish tank, hot tub) we were talking about.”

It’s weird, but using the word “because” after a request makes it more attractive for a person to say yes. For example, if a person were to ask you, “can I cut you in line because I’m late for work,” you’d probably be more okay with it than if he asked “can I cut you?” for no reason at all.

And fill in the blank with something unrelated to sex. Don’t let her take responsibility for sex. If she has to, she might appear like a “slut,” so chances are higher that she’ll resist. Take the lead. Make coming over to your place non-sexual. She knows what’s going on, but you’ve made it plausible for her to deny that she came over for sex. And she can tell her friends the next day “it just happened.” Nice.

The point is, before you invite her to your place, invite her to other places with you. Get that yes-ladder momentum going. Let her get to know you and feel “together” with you. Then when it comes time to invite her over, it’s a natural.

Spend time with her in different places before you invite her up.

DHV The Group, NOT The Target

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Get in the driver’s seat and take the WHOLE group for a fun ride.

I was re-reading parts of The Game, and I had a revelation. When you DHV, don’t DHV to the target. DHV to the guys and to the ugly girls. The target? Ignore her.

Here’s the idea behind this…

Beautiful Women Aren’t Different From Anyone Else

“10”

Let’s talk about beautiful women for a sec. I’m talking about the most UNUSUALLY beautiful women. The 9’s and 10’s. The ones you don’t see everyday, and when you do see one you lose the ability to remember your name.

These women are so outstandingly beautiful that a lot of us guys think we have to treat them differently. We’re either too afraid to talk to them, and just stand by the sidelines and stare… Or we give her all sorts of compliments and buy her drinks and dinner.

As you know and I know, that ain’t gonna work to attract them.

When dealing with these freaks of nature, the thing to keep in mind is… they’re used to getting lots of attention, just because of their physical appearance. They’re used to being treated special because of their physical beauty, and not appreciated for their inner qualities.

On the one hand, it’s lonely being beautiful. No one sees her for who she is. Her beauty creates distance from everyone else.

On the other hand, she also wants to be UNUSUALLY beautiful, and she wants you to know it.

Look at the hours and dollars she spends making herself with makeup, getting her skin soft, smelling good, getting her hair done, choosing just the right outfit, buying the right shoes, obsessing about her weight, removing hair in weird places, even in some cases getting plastic surgery.

Girls spend a lot of time and money looking beautiful

And acting the part of someone with an air of untouchable beauty.

Beauty gives women power. Why? Because their beauty makes a lot of us guys give our “power” away to them.

She wants to be the most beautiful woman in the room, and when we approach her, she wants to reject us. It makes her feel important.

So, the idea is to do the opposite of putting her on a pedestal. You CHALLENGE her.

In the case of Mystery’s Method, when you approach a group of people that has that INCREDIBLY beautiful woman in it… remember, women are rarely found alone… that means you actually pay attention to everyone else in the group, but her. And if she says anything TEASE her.

The message is: “You’re not getting special treatment from me just because you’re beautiful. You’re a human being just like the rest of us. ”

This creates a HUGE challenge. I mean for her, most guys are just this blur of compliments, sexual predatoriness, or approval-seeking. So when she find a guy who treats her like a human being just like everyone else, he STANDS OUT. He’s the type of a guy she doesn’t come across everyday. She does a double take. She’s attracted.

The Basic Format To All Approaches, By Mystery

Mystery smiling large

So, let me share with you the passage that gave me this revelation. It’s a handout Mystery used to hand out to his workshops. You can see it on page 35 of The Game. It’s his basic format to his all his approaches.

1. Smile when you walk into a room. See the group with the target and follow the three-second rule. Do not hesitate–approach instantly.

2. Recite a memorized opener, if not two or three in a row.

3. The opener should open the group, not just the target. When talking, ignore the target for the most part. If there are men in the group, focus your attention on the men.

4. Neg the target with one of the slew of negs we’ve come up with. Tell her, “It’s so cute. Your nose wiggles when you laugh.” Then get her friends to notice and laugh about it.

5. Convey personality to the entire group. Do this by using stories, magic, anecdotes, and humor. Pay particular attention to the men and the less attractive women. During this time, the target will notice that you are the center of attention. You may perform various memorized pieces like the photo routine, but only for the obstacles.

6. Neg the target, if appropriate. If she wants to look at the pictures, for example, say “Oh my god, she’s so grabby. How do you roll with her?”

7. Ask the group, “So, how does everyone know each other?” If the target is with one of the guys, find out how long they’ve been together.

8a. If it’s a serious relationship, eject politely by saying, “Pleasure meeting you.”

8b. If she is not spoken for, say to the group, “I’ve sort of been alienating your friend. Is it all right if I speak to her for a couple of minutes?” They always say, “Uh, sure. If it’s okay with her.” If you’ve executed the preceding steps correctly, she will agree.

9. Isolate her from the group by telling her you want to show her something cool. Take her to sit with you nearby. As you lead her through the crowd, do a kino test by holding her hand. If she squeezes back, it’s on. Start looking for other IOIs.

10. Sit with her and perform a rune reading, an ESP test, or any other demonstration that will fascinate and intrigue her.

11. Tell her, “Beauty is common but what’s rare is a great energy and outlook on life. Tell me, what do you have inside that would make me want to know you as more than a mere face in the crowd?” If she begins to list qualities, this is a positive IOI.

12. Stop talking. Does she reinitiate the chat with a question that begins with the word “So?” If she does, then you’ve now seen three IOIs and can…

13. Kiss close. Say, out of the blue, “Would you like to kiss me?” If the setting or circumstances aren’t conducive to physical intimacy, then give yourself a time constraint by saying, “I have to go, but we should continue this.” Then get her number and leave.

Mystery’s negs. From page 35 of “The Game,” by Neil Strauss

Sample Script (Mystery)

You can find all routines here “My Routines Collection.”

1. Smile when you enter the room. Open within 3 seconds.

2. Hey did you see the fight outside? (Girl Fight Story)

3. That’s so cute. Your nose wiggles when you laugh.

4. Multiple thread The Hollywood Sign Story, ESP, and a qualifier to different people:

“Do you have a good imagination? You do? I want you to think of a number from 1 – 4. We’re starting small, that’s why we’re starting with you. That’s right, I said it! Do you have it in your mind? Don’t say it, just think it. The first number that pops into your head. Got it?

“I’m curious about something before we get to that. Is there more to you than meet the eye? I mean, don’t get a big head. There’s a lot of beautiful people around us, right? Beauty is very common. Would you not agree? You know what’s really rare?

“Are you thinking of that number? Focusing? 3. Nice! (or, if incorrect “And that’s why ESP is bullshit.”) Let’s up the stakes (or let’s try it again). Pick a number this time from 1 -10. You got it? Nice.

“Oh, by the way, have you ever been to the Hollywood sign? (You can create your own variation of this story based on something similar to the Hollywood sign in your hometown. For example, everywhere there’s a place where you get away from it all to look at the stars.) Have you ever gone to the base of it? Have you climbed up to it? Well, I went with a lovely girl (preselection switch) at the time and went up to the sign. It takes a good 40 minutes and you have to climb a fence. Next time you go, bring good shoes that will get you up there with no problem. Because you don’t want to get up there with leather shoes like I did, like a moron. That was my learning experience. But when you’re up there you can see all of Hollywood in one eye shot and it really gives you the clarity that anything is possible if you dream. Then you see it all in one eye shot. It’s inspiring.

“You got that number in your mind? 7. Nice. See, what’s really rare is a great outlook and a great personality, a great energy. That’s rare. You’ve got 2 out of 3. That’s a great start.”

5. So, how does everyone know each other?

6a. Pleasure meeting you.

6b. I’ve sort of been alienating your friend. Is it all right if I speak to her for a couple of minutes?

7. I want to show you something cool.

8. Kino hand-squeeze test as you lead her through crowd.

9. Have you ever done of The Cube? (The Cube)

10. Stop talking… she reinitiates the conversation.

11. Would you like to kiss me?

12. I have to go, we should continue this. Get her number. (OR Bounce her: Let’s get back to your friends. There’s a great place across the street. We should go with you and your friends.)

Sample Script (Style)

1. Smile when you enter the room. Open within 3 seconds

2. Hey, let me get your take on something. I’ve only got a sec but… (Jealous Girlfriend)

3. Wow, you guys are like from the View. This one I can tell we would NOT get along.

4. Multiple thread Ring Routine, The Best Friend Test, C & U Smiles:

“I have to ask before I run. Do you always wear a ring on that finger? The reason I’m asking is the finger a person chooses to put a ring on says something about their personality. The fact you wear a ring on that finger says something fascinating about you. Let me see your hand. Back in ancient Greece, each mound represented a different god. And a person back then would put a ring on the associated finger to honor that god.

“Oh my God, hold on a sec. How long have you known each other? See I knew that! Well, for one, you have the same exact smile. And for two, well, I’ll just give you the Best Friend Test. Ready? Do you use the same shampoo? (They look at each other first) You don’t even have to answer, you already passed. You looked at each other before even answering the question. You just did it again. And again. See, if you weren’t close, you’d keep eye contact with me. But when two people have a connection, they make eye contact first, even over something as mundane as shampoo. Nice.

“Okay, so the rings. Very interesting what it says about each of you. The thumb represented Hades, the god of the underworld. He was one of the few gods that lived separate from Mount Olympus, just like the thumb is separate from the other fingers. So, someone who wears a ring on this finger is independent and doesn’t like to follow other people’s trends. Instead, they like to make their own.

“The index finger was Zeus, and he was the king of the gods. And just like when a mother is scolding their daughter (act this out), someone who wears a ring on this finger has an inclination to take charge.

“The middle finger was Dionysus, the god of wine and partying and having a great time. And just like this finger represents something that’s not G-rated, someone who wears a ring on this finger has a little bit of a wild side. So, watch out for her. She’s trouble.

“Haha. Smile for me again? You have a U Smile! That’s awesome. Well there’s U smiles and C smiles. The U Smile is when you smile and your teeth go straight back into your mouth like a horse. And the C Smile is when you smile and all you see is a row of pearly whites in the front. If you ever look on the cover of like Cosmo or Glamour, the girl always has a C Smile. You have a U smile, but don’t worry, I still think you’re hot… in that short school bus sort of way. *smile*

“So, the ring finger is one of the coolest. This was Aphrodite, the goddess of love. And you can look this up, it’s true. This finger is the only one that has a vein that goes straight to your heart without branching off. (demo line going from finger to her heart). So anyone who wears a ring on this finger is actually making a direct connection with their heart. That’s why to this day we’ll wear our wedding ring on this finger.

“Finally, the pinky finger was Ares, the god of war. And you’ll notice a lot of mobsters will wear their ring on this finger. Someone who wears a ring on this finger has some inner turmoil or conflict within. They like to fight. And if you had given someone a pinky ring back then it mean ‘fuck you’ or ‘go to hell.’

“And for someone who doesn’t wear rings, like me that meant you were aligned with Hermes. He was one of the most mischievous of the gods. And he was the one that flew from Mount Olympus to earth. So, someone who doesn’t wear rings is open-minded, loves to travel, likes to be helpful, but has a little bit of a mischievous side. And that’s definitely me. But your personality is… Any truth to that? Pretty cool, right? You guys are awesome.”

5. So, how do you all know each other?

6a. Pleasure meeting you.

6b. I’ve sort of been alienating your friend. Is it all right if I speak to her for a couple of minutes?

7. I want to show you something cool. Have you ever done the Cube? (You could also do EV or Secret Self here too)

8. Beauty is common.

9. Stop talking.

10. Evolution Phase Shift Routine.

11. I have to go, but we should continue this… or bounce her and her friends

Sample Script (Brad P)

1. Smile when you enter the room. Open within 3 seconds.

2. You look familiar. Do you like horses? (Tell the story to the whole group)

3. Do you mind if I talk to your friend for a sec?

4. Have you ever had your palm read? (Brad P’s Palm Reading)

5. Beauty is common…

6. Stop talking

7. On a scale of 1 – 10, how good of a kisser are you?

8. I have to go, but we should continue this… or bounce her

Sample Script (My own)

1. Smile when you enter the room. Open within 3 seconds.

2. I have this rule that whenever I see someone attractive I have to at least say hi.

3. Quit looking at my chest my eyes are up here.

4. You guys seem really cool. My passion in life is writing. Are you passionate? What’s something you guys enjoy doing?

6. I’m making her my new girlfriend. We’re gonna fly to Vegas tomorrow and get married. You can be Catwoman, and I’ll be Batman. It’ll be awesome.

7. Do you mind if I talk to her for a sec?

8. I want to show you something really cool. Someone just did this with me recently. It’s a great, quick way to get to know someone. In fact, a lot of people don’t even know this about themselves. (Use her answer about passion as a springboard to Style’s EV)

9. Beauty is common…

10. Stop talking.

11. Brush hair out of face, and kiss.

12. We should continue this, and get her number… or bounce her.

Conclusion

Next time you go out, try out any of the scripts I’ve given you that’s most aligned with your personality.

When you deliver the DHV, make sure to do it to the ones you’re NOT interested in. Make eye contact with EVERYONE. Your target? Neg her. This allows you to convey your personality and win over her friends. And with the target, the negs/banter/cocky-funny lines create sexual tension and show her you’re that rare man that’s interested more in a woman’s inner beauty than her superficial, external shell.

Very nice.

DHV to the whole group, not to the target.

“Six Characteristics of an Alpha Male,” By Mystery

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1. “The number one characteristic of an alpha male is the smile. Smile when you enter a room. As soon as you walk in a club, the game is on. And by smiling, you look like you’re together, you’re fun, and you’re somebody.

2. “Be well-groomed.”

Shower. Soap yourself at least three times to smell really clean. Brush your teeth. Make sure your breath smells good. Carry gum if you have to. Put on a great smelling deodorant. If you’re going to put on cologne, make sure it’s just a DAB. Have your fashion together: wear at least one interesting item of clothing. If you look average, you’re going to get average girls. Alpha males don’t blend in, they stand out. At the very least, dress the best you can.

3. “Possess a sense of humor.”

See my post “Flirting” for more info on this. Banter, cocky-funny, and negs are all great techniques to make women laugh in an attractive way.

4. “Connect with people.”

Don’t do all the talking. Listen. That means get where a person is coming from. Put yourself in their shoes. Also, at bottom, every person wants to feel important. Don’t knock people down. Make people feel important.

5. “Be the social center of a room.”

See my post “The Key To Picking Up Chicks Is Not Picking Them Up” for more on this. Mystery is famous for saying “there are the observers and the observed. Be the observed.” The three second rule isn’t just opening the first attractive women you see. It means opening the first people you see period. Talk to everyone, even if it’s a simple “How’s your night going?” Bartenders, Bouncers, ugly girls, guys. Be the social center of a room.

6. “Confidence.”

Confidence comes from competence. You’re the prize. You’re the selector. Not her. If you don’t know this about yourself yet, fake it till you make. Dwell on your positive attributes and your accomplishments (not your drawbacks and failures). Keep telling yourself you’re the catch and she’s lucky talking with you. That belief translates into confidence. And women will smell it off you like cologne.

You can find these six characteristics in “The Game” by Neil Strauss (page 21-22).

For now, practice smiling when you enter a room. When you’re walking down the street, give a smile to at least three people. And next time you’re at a register, ask the cashier “how’s your day going?” or try out a banter line on her. You’ll be on your way to developing confidence, and the characteristics of an alpha male.

How To Think About Success With Women

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I want to share with you an idea that changed my thinking about how to be successful with women.

It came from “Double Your Dating” by David DeAngelo.

This is what he said:

“…women have a ‘shadow’ or dark side.

This dark side is secretly wanting a man that is in control of himself, his reality, and them.

But they’d never admit it – often not even to themselves.”

When I first read that, it gave me a MASSIVE jolt in my thinking.

He went on…

“But their unconscious knows and recognizes this as something that they want. They hold a kind of inner CONTEMPT for the weak people (especially men) who give them everything they want…”

A lot of us guys think we have to put a woman on a pedestal for her to like us. We have to kiss her ass. Buy her drinks at a bar to get her to talk to us. Get her flowers and jewelry to woo her. Spend lots of money on dinner before she’s even had sex with us to get sex. And later down the line if she gets upset or acts bitchy, just put up with it.

Basically, keep spoiling her like a brat.

The funny thing is, the more we do that kind of stuff, the more we turn her off. She’ll see us as “Oh, he’s just a guy I use to buy me things” or “he’s just my boy toy.” It’s counter-intuitive, but she resents and disrespects a guy who gives her too much.

I understand it’s not politically correct to say this. But what women really want is a guy who’s in charge. A guy who doesn’t put up with her bullshit and who’s not afraid to call her on it–respectfully, of course. A man who expects her to carry her own weight. Who doesn’t reward her bad behavior. Who isn’t afraid to draw boundaries.

She doesn’t want to dominate a guy. And I think you and I can agree that we don’t want to be dominated by a woman. Would that make you feel like a man? Of course not. Being in control of yourself and them (as a leader, NOT an oppressive dictator) does.

Well, good news is, a woman wants a dominate man. She might have her life together, but she still wants a man who can dominate her, someone who can rescue her, someone she can look up to. A dominate man allows her to relax, surrender, and he makes her feel like a woman.

I’ll give you a quick example.

Let’s say you approach a woman and in the middle of your opener she starts looking at her phone. Or if her friends come in, she starts talking to her friends, leaving you out.

I don’t know about you, but that’s just plain rude.

Like you, I’ve been in that situation. It sucks.

You could just go along with it.

Or, you could say something like “Hey, party’s over here” if she’s looking at her phone.

And “Introduce me to your friends, it’s the polite thing to do” if she’s talking to her friends without acknowledging you.

(Credit goes to Tyler Durgen for the first line and Mystery to the second line. I use em all the time. Veeeery effective.)

The point is, call her on her shit–respectfully.

I guarantee she’ll stop what she’s doing and she’ll make some excuse for her rudeness, then pay full attention to you. I’d put money that she’d feel more attracted to you because she might say to herself, “Here’s a man that won’t let me get away with my bullshit. This is a man I can respect.”

A woman wants a man who can take control. She doesn’t really want to be the one who has to make all the decisions or manipulate you and get her way by acting like the world revolves around her. She wants to dance with a man who takes a strong lead and who keeps her in check.

Domination is a HUGE turn on for women. You could say it’s THE key to attracting women.

Whet Your Woman

Become The Excellent Man That Attracts Women Naturally

Tag Archives: Mystery

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