Let’s talk about building comfort and trust with women.
There’s a beginning, a middle, and an ending to every courtship. You and I know that. But let’s do a quick review for the hell of it.
The beginning is attraction, the middle is comfort, and the ending is seduction.
Begin with attraction. Don’t open in seduction or comfort. I’ve seen guys open girls with “Hey baby nice tits.” And I’ve seen guys open with “So, where are you from?” before she knows anything about them. There’s a time and place for that. But not in the beginning.
First, spark attraction! Push her away, pull her in, make her laugh, and demonstrate an engaging and masculine personality.
After she shows signs she’s attracted (e.g. she’s still talking to you, her body is facing yours, she’s laughing and engaged, when you qualify her she complies), establish comfort and trust. Some guys might wanna skip comfort and jump into seduction right away. And others might think they have to keep negging her and playing hard to get. No. Shift gears and connect.
How do you connect and build comfort and trust? We’ll dig into all that in a sec.
After you’ve established enough comfort and trust (spending about 4-7 hours with her), physically escalate her to sex. One mistake guys will make here is to stay in the comfort zone. Other guys will keep cracking jokes, making her laugh. I’ve been in both those places. But at some point you’ve gotta switch the mood to a seductive one, be bold and make a move towards foreplay and sex.
Okay, so there’s a quick review. I just wanted to paint a backdrop for where comfort happens.
Now let’s dig into COMFORT.
I mean, there’s not a whole lot out there on it, right? There’s more stuff on attraction and seduction… the glamour phases. But not much on building comfort and trust. So, what I’d like to do here is give you a little map of the sequence, so you don’t get lost.
And as always, I wanna give credit where it’s due. Obviously, these aren’t my ideas. Mystery was the genius who invented this map.
Here’s the basic idea of the map…
There’s a beginning, middle, and ending to the comfort phase, too: C1, C2, and C3.
The idea is you want to show you’re not some skeezeball out to get sex from her. You want to show you’re a human being just like her. You want to show you’re not a “stranger.”
And you want to connect with her on an emotional level.
But there’s a strategic sequence to all this. Follow the sequence, and it can help us lead women seamlessly to sex. It installs booby traps for the friend zone. And it’s an ETHICAL way to build her desire for sex with us, so she actually WANTS it.
Let’s check out each phase.
C1: IN THE PICKUP LOCATION
After you’ve gotten some indicators of interest from your target, isolate her. Move her and her group of friends if necessary to a nice sit down location within the venue you met her.
Or, you can isolate her within her group of friends.
For example, while in her group of friends, you can say to your target, “I want to show you something.” Turn your back to her friends, and do something like The Cube on her. That way there’s no weirdness on both the girl and her friend’s parts about you separating a girl from her pack of friends.
In either case, once in isolation, enjoy each other’s company. Now all those questions, “so, where are you from?” can be asked. She’s already attracted, so you can ask those kinds of questions.
You still need to be a bit of a challenge though. You’re not like “You like me? Holy shit! Well, I like you, too! I mean, you’ve got great taste. Wanna make out?”
Just because she likes you, doesn’t mean a thing. That can change with the drop of a hat. Still be DEVELOPING attraction for her.
You can do this by asking her more qualification questions. For example, “So, what do you want to be when you grow up? And don’t say princess.” You want her to say things of interest so you can be like, “You like Tool? No WAY!” By the way, you can still qualify her in C1.
Here’s another tip. Never isolate a girl from a two set. Meaning, if a girl is there with just one friend, don’t leave her friend alone and alienated. Isolate them both.
When you do, make sure the target sits between you and the obstacle.
Speak with the obstacle so the target can hear what you’re saying. And while you’re speaking with the obstacle, physically escalate the target.
If you sit with your target for at least 25-40 minutes, you’ll at least get a solid number close. You can do a kiss close during this phase, too.
But C1 is simply defined by location. You’re isolated with her in the pickup location.
C2: IN PLACES NOT CONNECTED WITH THE PICKUP LOCATION OR THE SEDUCTION LOCATION
After you’ve spent about 25-40 minutes with her in C1, invite her to join you in another venue. This is called a “bounce.” The first bounce is a trusting thing.
You’re still a stranger to her. Are you going to compromise her safety? She doesn’t know you yet. But if you take her into another venue and you act completely normal, safe, and make her feel comfortable… trust has been established. And it makes inviting her to your place easier later on.
Also, when you enter a new venue together, you’re no longer “strangers.” You have a “couple” feel. Hello comfort. Good bye strangers.
And feel free to bounce her to multiple venues. Hang out in 5 locations during the course of one night and it will feel like she’s known you longer than if you hung out in 1 location for the same amount of time. It’s weird how the works, huh.
Here’s some things to keep in mind for this phase.
#1. Have fuuuuuun. What does like EVERY personal ad by a woman say? Exactly. She wants a man she can have fun with and who makes her laugh. Well, man, have fun. One way to do this is to take her to fun, eclectic places like the scene below from “Good Will Hunting.”
Or you can have fun over a cup of tea, too. It’s just an eclectic place has props and fun stuff in the environment to play with. How do you have fun? Pretend you’re three years old again in a sandbox and you don’t need to impress anyone. Make yourself laugh. Chances are she’ll have fun, too.
#2. Kino. Get comfortable holding hands and kissing. Hollywood movies have it wrong. DON’T wait to kiss at the end of the night. It’s always awkward. Kiss and touch before the end of the night and all throughout it. Kissing is not a seduction tactic but a comfort-building one. She’ll get more and more comfortable with your touch. This makes the bridge over to seduction land a cinch to cross over later.
#3. Continue to build commonalities. Get curious about her. Listen. Genuinely appreciate what she has to say. And here’s a quick conversation tip. After she answers a question of yours, comment on her answer before asking another question. It forces you to listen, and it lets you avoid transforming into the dreaded “Interviewer.”
#4. Be social. Taking her into multiple venues, and making light conversation with the bartender or cashier or people at the bar lets her see you’re a social person. A real human being. And being able to get along with others is an attractive quality.
If you’re unable to bounce her that same night, set up a date to see her again right there and then. That’s called a “Time Bridge.” Make sure to set a time and place to see each other though. Saves having to play phone game later.
So, C2 is defined by location, too. You’re spending time with her away from the pickup location but not in the seduction location… yet.
C3: IN THE SEDUCTION LOCATION
After you’ve spent three or four hours with her going on these mini-dates, invite her to the seduction location. For example, the living room of your apartment. If you’ve spent enough time in C2, it makes the chances higher that she’ll come over.
Don’t pounce on her when she comes in. Build more comfort and trust.
Show her around. Get her a drink. Have her sit on the couch with you. Put on some music. “Come on in, take a seat, hang out.”
When she comes in, you’re NOT in seduction yet. Again, show her her safety is not compromised by being alone with you in a seduction location.
The door is unlocked, the blinds are up, she can leave anytime she wants. You’re not going to force sex on her. No threat, no pressure whatsoever.
Here’s some things you can do.
Have some cool stuff laying around, like a cool book to look through on your coffee table. You can even have the “Book of Questions” handy or Zen cards or a Dream Interpretation book or play dough or whatever might make a girl say “What’s that?”
If you play a musical instrument, play her a song.
Here’s another idea. I got it from David DeAngelo. You can listen to your voicemail messages while massaging her hand. It’s like a reality time-warp into a time and place where it feels like you’ve known each other for months. The point is, you’re not skeezing her out. You’re still establishing comfort and trust.
Here’s one more idea. You can do your grounding sequence. In fact, definitely do your grounding sequence here.
A “grounding sequence” is when you ground your identity with her reality. Instead of saying “I’m a writer” which might feel abstract to her, you can tell a string of 3-7 stories about how you became a writer so it grounds you to her, and makes your identity more relatable. How you became who you are today from childhood, through adolescence, through college, and beyond. So, she feels like she knows you.
Make sure to do the same for her. Stop after one of your stories and ask “what about you?” Let’s say she says she’s going to school for nursing: “You’re going to school for nursing? Amazing. How’d that happen? How’d you become who you are?”
This usually happens in C3, but can also happen in C2.
Now, before you’ve brought her into the seduction location, you’ve kissed. You’ve held hands. You’ve bounced her. You’ve gotten to know her.
So, it’s natural that after you’ve talked a bit in living room, you’d kiss her again. But this time, it’s a longer kiss. And you begin to arouse her. Stop, take her hand, and lead her into the bedroom.
You’ve officially left the comfort phase, and you’ve entered the final one, seduction.
After you’ve attracted her and made her laugh, spend at least four to seven hours getting to know her. During that time, kiss and kino. Connect. And take her into as many fun venues as you can. Seduction… without the buyer’s remorse or the last minute resistance… won’t be far behind.