For example, you don’t have to drive miles and miles to go see her. Let her drive to see you. You don’t have to be the one who’s always giving her massages. Let her give you a massage. You don’t have to be the one who’s always getting her a drink. Let her get you a drink.
The reason is simple. The more she invests in you, the more she’ll fall for you.
People don’t value free. People value things they work for. Things they have to struggle a little for. Things that cost them a little something.
For good reason, too. We grow when we work for things, not when we’re handed them for free.
Here’s another reason to ask her for a favor once in a while. She’ll backwards rationalize why she’s going out of her way for you. “I must like him,” she might say to herself. And that ain’t never a bad thing, right?
If you’re thinking this sounds a lot like qualification… you’re absolutely, 100%, right. It’s just extending that idea into relationships.
Like we talked about in that little qualification discussion, her attraction grows not when we give to her, but when she gives to us.
Completely counter-intuitive. Believe me, I know.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Getting her small gifts, opening the door for her, giving her massages is great. Fantastic. And I do all that for my girl.
Just make sure you receive, too. Let her give as well.
But here’s where it gets really cool.
One of the things that attracts women… is a guy who knows where he’s going in life. A guy with purpose. A guy who’s discovered his gift and who’s working to give it to the world with all his heart.
Like the Buddha once said: “Your work is to discover your work and give yourself to it with all your heart.”
The beauuuutiful thing is you can combine this idea of qualification (i.e. asking her for a favor) and having purpose. Double whammy, baby!
For example, if your passion is music, have her pick up some guitar strings at the store for you. If you have a business of some sort, have her help you in your business in some way.
She’s investing in you, she’s helping you serve your purpose, AND you get to spend some quality time together. Can you say “attractive”? Haha
So, ask her to do little favors for you, especially when it’s connected with living your purpose. Show her mucho gratitude to her afterwards. And of course return the favor later on.
It can do wonders in keeping your relationship alive.
This is one of my favorite discoveries by Mystery.
He discovered there are 5 attraction switches in the female mind. And he discovered that any man who systematically triggers these switches over and over again will get some serious indicators of interest from a woman.
If you’re anything like me, I always used to think looks and being nice was what attracted women. Because looks attract me, and who wants someone who’s mean? I’m not a tall guy, and I found even if I was the nicest guy in the world to a woman, it didn’t attract her.
So, I kinda resigned myself to the fact that I’d never be attractive to women. I mean if you listen to women, one of the things they always say they want in a man is height. And although they say they like a nice guy, they always seemed to end up with the “bad boys.”
Happily I found out from my pickup journey that it’s not about looks or being a “bad boy” that attract women. It’s PERSONALITY. More specifically, a MASCULINE personality.
Height and the “bad boy” thing are just surface symptoms of something deeper that’s going on.
It’s not those things per se that attracts women. It’s the feeling she gets from the height difference, and the feeling she gets with a bad boy. Namely, she’s a woman, and he’s the man.
Well, there are other ways to create that feeling inside a woman without having to be tall or without having to be a bad boy or without being rich.
Enter the 5 attraction switches.
They’re 5 aspects of a masculine personality that make a woman feel like she’s with a man. Even if you’re not tall or the best looking guy or superrich or whatever, if you’ve got these 5 traits, you’ll turn her on… and on a PRIMAL level. They can’t help but feel attraction.
Before I get into the 5 switches, I wanna bring home an important point about all this.
Okay, so after you open a set, the objective is to systematically trigger these attraction switches. This is done through DHVs or “Demonstrations of Higher Value.” Cool.
But the point I wanna make is DHVs aren’t so much “demonstrations.” They’re “embodiments” of these 5 switches. Don’t stop triggering these switches in the attract phase. It continues in comfort, in seduction, and after you have sex with her… forever.
In other words, don’t just demonstrate these traits. BE these traits. Don’t just try to get a beautiful woman. BE a man of higher value that NATURALLY attracts the most beautiful women in your life.
So much about the “demonstration” part of DHV. Let’s real quickly look at the “value” part.
Value doesn’t refer to some esoteric, abstract thing. It’s very specific. It’s survivor value that a woman can USE.
Let me back up.
In evolutionary theory, there’s this idea that we humans want to survive, but also we want to replicate our genes to keep our species alive. At base we humans want two basic things: to survive and to replicate.
Men seem to be attracted to replication value, such as youth, waist-to-hip ratio, and all that.
They’re signs of fertility and health.
Women seem to be attracted to survival value, such as high social status, leadership, wealth of resources. They want a man who can protect and take care of her.
So, the 5 attraction switches revolve around this one theme. Being a “survivor.” The reason this “value” is valuable is because it’s a benefit to her. You’re someone who can take care of her and protect her. There’s a primal, feminine use in it for her.
Trigger these switches and you trigger a primal urge in her to have a masculine man in her life. Her biological, physical, feminine self can’t help but WANT to “merge” and “reproduce” with this man of a man.
What I’m trying to say is, don’t make DHV about me, me, me or showing off or bragging about how awesome you are.
Make the 5 triggers things to embody FOR REAL, and make DHV about how you benefit her. Don’t be a “getter,” be a “giver.” Don’t try to “get” her replication value from her for your gain. Be someone with a lot of survivor value that’d she want to get for herself. This puts the desire in her for you.
That’s what I’m talkin’ bout.
I wanted to make that point because when I first started off, I used to think DHV was about me and showing off. Just the opposite. It’s about honest-to-God becoming a better man, which benefits others.
Phew. Now that I’ve got that out of the way, let’s talk about these switches.
The first switch is “Preselection.”
All this means is you’re attractive to other women. She’ll instantly feel a pang of curious attraction for you if she sees this. You have value for other women, so you must have value for her. All happening on the subconscious level.
How to demonstrate this?
Have women around you is the easiest way to trigger this switch. If you don’t have girls to roll with, be talking to everyone in the bar or lounge. Meet girls there. Women see this, and they want to be where the excitement is. You can also convey preselection by mentioning your past girlfriends, or joking about how many women are clamoring for you or by sharing you have knowledge of women.
The second switch is “The Leader of Men.”
A lot of guys think it’s impossible to approach a woman with guys in the group. It’s not impossible. It can actually be to your advantage.
You can lead men by telling them stories, showing respect to them, getting along with them. If they start acting like a dick, handle them with class and respect. You’re leading them. That’s attractive.
The third switch is “Protector of Loved Ones.”
Loved ones include parents, siblings, friends, girlfriends. How much do you care for them? Has there ever been a time when they were in danger and you were there to help them or protect them?
Show her that her life would be improved if she built an alignment with you. You can convey this in small gestures like pulling out a chair for her, opening a door for her, giving her your coat if she gets cold, helping an old lady cross the street, showing kindness to the waiter, standing up for yourself or for her.
The fourth switch is “Willingness to Emote.”
When you open a set, systematically demonstrate your emotional state. For example, smile when you approach. When you speak, speak expressively and with enthusiasm. Have a demeanor like you’re celebrating like it’s the end of Ocean’s Eleven: “I need nothing from you. I’m just enjoying myself. Who are you? And that’s special because?”
Be lit up from the inside, passionate, enthusiastic. They’ll feel that. Also, playing an instrument for them, singing for them, sharing a touching story are ways to make her feel. Women are emotional.
Wonderful, positive emotions attract them like bees to honey.
The fifth switch is “Successful Risk Taker.”
You don’t have to be a millionaire to attract women. But you do want to show women you at least have direction in your life. You’re going somewhere. And you live life on the edge, challenging yourself to take the risks to get there. That’s attractive.
Sharing your goals, dreams, and passions is one way to convey this. Also, we all have success stories from our past. Sharing these stories about how you overcame odds puts you in a positive light and builds feelings of attraction in her for you.
Of the five switches, the most important to trigger IN FIELD, like in a bar or other public gathering, is “Preselection.” It’s the equivalent of a big pair of tits for us.
When you’re first starting out, get good at triggering these 5 attraction switches for at least 25 minutes. 25 minutes because that’s the time frame from opening a group to C1 or building comfort with her.
At first, incorporate these DHV “spikes” or triggers into the stories you tell and in your behavior. But if you’re going to tell stories, tell them to the group, not to your target. That way it shows you’re not after her. At first, if you do say anything to her, neg her or banter with her. This creates sexual tension.
When you’re in comfort with her, obviously continue to incorporate these traits into your stories and behavior. It doesn’t ever stop. One difference between the attract and comfort phase is let HER talk. Entice her to DHV to you, and listen to what she has to say. Connect. But still sprinkle in some banter and be a bit of a challenge. She doesn’t “have” you yet.
Get good at a 25 minute act where the character you play is the best version of you. Soon this will be how you walk through the world. And every woman WILL want you. This isn’t some pretend thing. This isn’t something you do in a bar just to attract women.
Like I said at the beginning of all this, this is about becoming these traits so they naturally come across without you even having to think about it. Build a life FOR REAL worthy to bring beautiful women into.
Here’s what you can do RIGHT NOW.
Step One: Answer this super-important question. What’s your passion in life? What lights you up inside? What’s something that you could do for hours? What’s your deepest gift? What were you put in this world for? Okay, that was five. I know. But they’re different ways of asking the same question. The answer might not come to you right away. But dwell on the question of your purpose. The answer will eventually come.
Step Two: When your answer comes, which usually comes in the form of a feeling, listen to it. And start doing it RIGHT AWAY. Every day spend at least an hour to make your purpose a reality. Make this hour a priority each day.
Step Three: Next time you’re in set, share your passion with everyone. And ask them what their passion is. THAT is a DHV… as well as a qualifier.
Other things you can do right now:
1. Before you open a set, talk to EVERYONE. Say “how’s your night going” to the bouncer, the bartender, and to the first people you see. This is the practice of “Preselection” and “Leader of Men.”
2. Smile on your approach. In fact, practice smiling to at least three strangers a day. This is the practice of “Willingness to emote.” If you want to take this step further, learn a musical instrument. And select one DHV story, feel the emotion in the story, and practice telling it with expression.
3. Mention a girlfriend or ex-girlfriend or a banter about having lots of girlfriends at least once while you’re in set. This is the practice of “Preselection.”
4. Each day, do at least one good deed for a friend, family member or whoever else. Help someone with their homework, take out the trash for your mother, if you’ve got a girl in your life open the car door for her. This is the practice of “Protector of Loved Ones.”
By far the most important thing you can do RIGHT NOW is to figure out your purpose in life. So much of our masculinity is wrapped up in having direction, giving our light to the world, and taking the necessary risks to make it happen.
As always, more important than “getting” women is serving a higher purpose than yourself. Everything else will fall into place.