For among animals the principle is the same as with us, and mortal nature seeks so far as possible to live forever and be immortal. And this is possible in one way only: reproduction, because it always leaves behind a new young one in place of the old.
…it is for the sake of immortality that everything shows this zeal, which is Love.
Look, if you will, how human beings seek honor… wanting to be famous and ‘to lay glory immortal forever’
I believe that anyone will do anything for the sake of immortal virtue and the glorious fame that follows; and the better the people, the more they will do, for they are all in love with immortality. – Plato, Symposium 207d – 208e
Everyone wants to feel important. She has that same vulnerable human need just like you.
“And because she’s served with all the attentions due to a god by a lover who is not pretending otherwise but is truly in the throes of love, and because she’s disposed to be a friend of the man who’s serving her (even if she… initially rejects the lover)… she lets the man spend time with her. It is a decree of fate, you see, that bad is never friends with bad, while good cannot fail to be friends with good. Now that she allows her lover to talk and spend time with her, and the man’s good will is close at hand, the girl is amazed by it as she realizes that all the friendship she has… is nothing compared to that of this friend who’s inspired by a god.
After the lover has spent some time doing this, staying near the girl (even touching her… on occasions), then the spring… named ‘Desire’… begins to flow mightily in the lover and is partly absorbed by her, and when she is filled, it overflows and runs away outside her. Think how a breeze or an echo bounces back from a smooth solid object to its source; that is how the stream of beauty goes back to the beautiful girl and sets her aflutter. It enters through her eyes, which are its natural route to the soul; there it waters the passages for the wings, starts the wings growing, and fills the soul of the loved one with love in return. Then the girl is in love, but has no idea what she loves. She does not understand, and cannot explain, what has happened to her. It is as if she had caught an eye disease from someone else, but could not identify the cause; she does not realize that she is seeing herself in the lover as in a mirror. So when the lover is near, the girl’s pain is relieved just as the lover’s is, and when they are apart she yearns as much as she is yearned for, because she has a mirror image of love in him–‘back love’– though she neither speaks nor thinks of it as love, but as friendship. Still, her desire is nearly the same as her lover’s, though weaker: he wants to see, touch, kiss, and lie down with her; and of course, as you might expect, she acts on these desires soon after they occur..
Meanwhile… swelling with desire, confused, she hugs her lover and kisses him in delight at his great good will. And whenever they are lying together she’s completely unable, for her own part, to deny the lover any favor he might beg to have… Now if victory goes to the better elements in both their minds… their life here below is one of bliss and shared understanding.”
Let’s talk about “Last Minute Resistance” for a sec.
There’s a myth about this.
The myth is you have to deal with a woman’s last minute resistance to having sex with you right before sex.
Of course getting that last minute resistance does happen.
But if you deal with last minute resistance EARLIER in your game, by eliminating the word “slut” from your vocabulary, you won’t have to deal with the resistance so late.
Often times her resistance has to do with not feeling comfortable enough having sex after meeting you so soon.
She doesn’t want to be seen as a “slut.” If she resists, it makes her feel like she’s not being slutty.
She needs to feel like it “just happened”…
you’re not going to judge her…
her friends aren’t going to judge her…
you’re not going to never call her again…
you’re not going to broadcast the news over the internet.
So, make it clear having sex is AWESOME! It DOES NOT EQUAL slut. And take the decision-making process out of her hands. YOU take the lead, so she doesn’t have to take responsibility for it. Make it so that she can tell her friends “it just happened” or “it was his fault.”
Most important, make it clear earlier during your comfort-building conversation you respect women who are adventurous, spontaneous, who love sex. Plant that seed early on and she’ll be less likely to resist sex later on at the last minute.
When you’re NON-JUDGMENTAL, you AVOID last minute resistance, and you make her feel comfortable with sex.
But that’s not the only reason you should eliminate the word “slut” from your vocabulary.
Honest-to-God the whole concept is…
Bullshit.
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T.
BULLSHIT!
There’s no equivalent word for a man. I mean the word is derogatory. It’s an insult for women. What word is there in our language to insult men for sleeping with lots of women?
What’s that you say?
Male slut? Pimp? Ladies’ Man?
Compliments. All of ’em.
Why? Why is it a compliment for men to sleep with lots of women but it’s wrong for women to have that same freedom?
In logic, when two premises collide like this, it’s called inconsistency. Inconsistency is an invalid argument.
Language is funny. You can actually create a reality out of language.
What do I mean?
Man and woman having sex. Sheer fact. Nothing good, nothing bad about it.
Then you apply the word “slut” to the woman.
All of a sudden, it makes a woman feel uneasy, nervous, guilty… basically like shit… for something that’s…
JUST FUCKING SEX!
A FACT of life… that BOTH the man and woman are doing.
A fact of life that’s creative, pleasurable, brings life into the world, binds people together, loving.
A fact of life that’s GORGEOUS.
Slut = moralistic judgment based on a human construction, not reality.
The word “slut” is bullshit. The sooner you get rid of that thinking, the sooner women will want to fuck your brains out.
Make her feel safe. A no-slut zone does just that.
Cocky-funny, for those of you who don’t know, is the technique David DeAngelo made famous in his ebook “Double Your Dating.” The idea isn’t to kiss girls’ asses. It’s to play a certain character. A guy who’s cocky, and pushes the girl away, playfully.
Basically, it’s banter. But it’s magic when it comes to creating sexual tension.
Totally counter-intuitive, because you’d think being the perfect gentleman and being super-nice and perfect attracts chicks. Uh-uh. The reality is pushing her away, being the cocky guy who doesn’t take himself too seriously is what attracts women.
Especially when you first approach women. Banter. Within the first two sentences. You wouldn’t think it works. It’s scary because you think you’re being mean or something. But believe you me. It’s magic.
If you want to see cocky-funny in action, check out Han Solo with Leia, especially in Empire Strikes Back.
Or Rhett with Scarlett in Gone With the Wind.
Sexual tension, pulling her in and pushing her away and believing you’re the catch, is the key to creating attraction with women.
Why is the whole dating process called “Game”? What’s the constant throughout the attract, comfort, and seduce stages? What unifies and binds them together as one? The answer might help us play the Game like a master.
Here’s my thought: Game has to do with the interplay between interest and disinterest.
It’s about giving and taking away.
Take a step forward and a step back.
You’re interested but not quite.
I like you, but you can’t have me…yet
Push the boundary and back off (before she pushes you away first).
Show warmth and freeze out
Yes, no.
In other words, we guys have to be the ones to show interest in the girls first. We make the first move. But we must also temper that interest with disinterest. We have to push her away first before she does (or else game over).
When we push her away it creates an empty space between us and her that draws her toward us, like a magnet.
We pursue that which retreats from us.
That’s the Game. You draw near and retreat at the same time, over and over again.
Women enjoy feeling desired. At the same time she wants to be challenged and earn our affections, too.
The Game begins in A-1 (approach) the FIRST SECOND we approach. Approaching her is a show of interest. So, as soon as we approach, within the first two sentences we must also lean back, begin to walk away, say we’re leaving soon, or tease/neg her mercilessly.
It continues through A-2 (attract). When we tell stories or demonstrate our value, again, we’re showing interest in her. We wouldn’t be investing all that time and energy to tell her a story if we weren’t interested. So, during a story we also neg the target to balance our show of interest: “Ewww, I don’t want her”—all in the name of play of course.
It continues through A-3 (qualify). Asking questions is a show of interest. But a QUALIFYING question, like “What have you got going for you besides your looks?” shows you might be disinterested, too.
Compliments must have spice, too. Ironically spice makes people feel more comfortable with a compliment. “Oh my God, you’re a ballerina? (props) I can’t even talk to you (push away)!” You appreciate her but you give a “spank” at the same time.
A good spank here and there can be a good thing
It happens in physical escalation. You touch her hand but throw it away, you smell her but tell her “I’m not in that mind space,” kiss her and then say “that’s enough.”
It must happen in comfort. Although the emphasis is on building a connection and less on showing “disinterest,” we must still sprinkle in banter and spice. It must never stop, even when we’re married to her with kids.
It happens in foreplay and sex. You smell her neck for ten minutes but never touch her. You lean in to kiss her but you back off. You kiss all around her pussy but you don’t lick her clit yet. You tease her pussy with your cock but you don’t put it in until you’re ready.
The undercurrent of challenge is always there: pushing her away yet pulling her toward you, pulling her toward you yet pushing her away. That’s what Game is all about. And it keeps the romance alive in a relationship.
The Game is NEVER played in a mean way, but in the spirit of a game, of play, of fun. It’s all about balancing opposites: balancing your show of romantic interest with a show of romantic disinterest.
Why must we play “Games” at all? Can’t we just be honest and tell her we want her?
Believe me, I’ve tried many times. Women, simply don’t respond to it.
Again, we pursue that which retreats from us.
So, we beat her to the punch (her retreating from us) by retreating and showing disinterest first. We have to do this, because women are not always particularly nice to us when we approach them.
Not only that, women seem to enjoy this way more. Seeing it written down, she might deny it. But in actuality they respond to it.
And it makes sense when you think about it.
On one hand, men who approach women with blatant sexual interest, makes her feel like a piece of meat. On the other hand, men who approach women by bombarding her with a zillion questions or kissing her ass, just because she has a great ass, doesn’t make her feel that “spark” either.
Playing the Game, doesn’t put her on a pedestal and doesn’t treat her like a piece of meat. It’s the middle way. More importantly, it allows us to interact with her like a normal human being. It makes her feel safe and comfortable. And it allows her to come to us.
With game, our interest isn’t aggressive and obvious but gentle and indirect. At the same time our disinterest shows her we’re strong, honest, and in charge. Our interest becomes more than about sex. She’s no longer just a piece of meat. Our interest becomes about being with her and finding out who is she beyond her looks as a real human person.
The road to sex becomes a process, not a destination.
It’s funny, when we see a banging body we get turned on and we’re ready for sex INSTANTLY. It almost doesn’t even matter who she is. See great body, ready for sex.
Yep. Ready for sex.
Women, on the other hand, are not ready for sex instantly just by seeing a great body. They need to find out who the person is (she risks more than we do by having sex). So, she plays the Game intuitively on us to screen us.
If we play the Game with her in return we’re on a level playing field. We’re speaking the same language.
Now her sexual interest can ignite and slowly simmer to a boil as if she’s the water in a pot and we’re the fire beneath.
We must play the Game because women respond to it with pleasure. It doesn’t matter if she’s a college student or a tenured professor: The Game speaks to the woman inside her. It’s a dance. It’s fun and interesting not just for her but for us, too.
We must play the Game to communicate in her language of juicy emotion and coy indirectness rather than our language of dry logic and brute directness.
But the good news is it’s truly just a game, there’s no real substance to it. Her rejection or acceptance of us has little to do with who we really are as people, but with the level of our skill.
There’s also no substance to Game because a guy who has higher social status–the equivalent of a woman’s banging body for us guys–is just as superficial. Status is an image, an illusion.
It says nothing about our true worth or value as a human person. It’s called Game, because truly, it’s bullshit. That doesn’t mean we bullshit her. It just means it’s not real. It’s not personal.
It’s just mixing disinterest with interest, and interest with disinterest. It’s laughing it off. It’s make-believe. It’s play. It’s fun.
“The desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature.” – John Dewey
“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” – William James
“Always make the other person feel important…
All of us want to feel important. We don’t want empty flattery, but we do want recognition of our worth.
So let’s obey the Golden Rule, and give unto others what we would have others give unto us.
How? When? Where? The answer is: All the time, everywhere.” – Dale Carnegie, “How to Win Friends” page 100-101.
This passage has been a revelation to me, so I wanted to share it with you. It applies to me, to you, to everyone, and it especially applies to being more successful with women.
“Man was born free, and he is everywhere in chains.”
–Jean-Jacques Rousseau, The Social Contract, page 1
This applies to pickup.
All of us are born socially free. But we got bound by social chains of “you can’t do this,” esteem, hurt feelings, limited thinking, insecurities.
Pickup is one way to free us from these chains.
Brad P: what all the master pickup artists have in common, despite whatever school of pickup they represent, is
Social Freedom
MOST people have social anxiety. They’re afraid of rejection, afraid to say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing.
But the key to success in pickup is to break free from this anxiety and be socially free again. The way we already were as kids.
Like Rousseau says, EACH ONE OF US has freedom inside us already. We just have to return to it.
When I think of social freedom, I think of the movie The Mask.
Remember how Jim Carey transformed from this timid, Mr. Nice Guy into a wild, fearless, powerful and invincible guy when he put on The Mask?
Then Ben Stein explains The Mask had released his id from his super-conscious. With The Mask on, he now had no more social pressures like “you’re not supposed to this” or that. Just total non-self-consciousness and freedom!
When I picture The Mask before I go into the field it’s amazing how approach anxiety kind of lessens for me. What other people think of me? Screw that. All I care about is doing the right thing… being friendly to EVERYONE and giving lots of love. That’s higher than what people might think of me.
Now here’s the best part of all this. How do we break our social restraints?
Approaching.
What could be more socially free than approaching complete strangers? Approaching is an exercise of social freedom, like an athlete exercising to become healthy and strong.
Social freedom is our natural right. It’s in ALL of us. We just have to reclaim it. The art of pickup is an awesome… and very practical… way to do this.
Great passage. Page 10 – 11 in Double Your Dating:
“Females select males most of the time in nature…
“Sooooooo… when talking to women… point out that you are the selector and not the selectee… It points out something to the woman that she’s most likely NEVER HEARD FROM A MAN IN HER ENTIRE LIFE.”
It’s such a simple, but profound insight in how to create attraction in women.
Later in the book David DeAngelo also says:
“(Helitzer) said (in “Comedy Writing Secrets”) that most of being funny is the CHARACTER and not the jokes.
“The lines didn’t much matter, as long as they fit in with the character. Now that I have created this CHARACTER for myself, things are all different. Women now call me. They pursue me. They want to be around me. It’s strange and magical and weird.”
(page 52)
PLAY the CHARACTER of THE SELECTOR, even if it’s a joke. She’ll be laughing (always good) while you’ve created this implicit dichotomy between you and her. You’re pretending to be the higher-than-her male. Even if it’s just pretend, she’s still accepted the she’s-chasing-you role, which sparks attraction in her (without her realizing it). You’re just playing like you’re a kid again in a sandbox, but spicing in these masculine, sexual-selector undertones.
Re-reading this always gives me a jolt, so I want to share it with you all, too.
But I do know that in 2010, romance novels accounted for 13.4% of mass market book sales (source: www.rwa.org). $1.358 billion was spent on romance novels in that year. Neither classic literature nor science fiction nor mystery nor religion earned a billion dollars in sales. And 91% of the readership of romance novels is female. Think we can learn a thing or two about women from romance novels?
How many of you guys heard of a book called “Dangerous Men and Adventurous Women”? If you haven’t checked it out yet–HIGHLY recommended. It’s all these romance writers talking about what it is about romance novels that appeals to women so much. It can help us learn about women and what they want.
I read this one essay called “The Androgynous Reader” by Laura Kinsale and it gave me a mini epiphany into why women love romance novels. Check this out…
Women seem to read romances the way we read centerfolds. In this essay, Kinsale claimed female readers identified less with the heroine. What they really liked about the novels is the hero. She uses this quote from a female reader (among others) to make her case: “If [the hero] isn’t in in the first chapter or two, I’ll put the book down. It’s just boring.”
She says women enjoy that sexual admiration. The way she puts it: “it’s a simple, erotic, and free-hearted joy in…desirable maleness.” Just like we to admire the tits and ass of a centerfold, women like to admire the desirable masculinity of the hero.
Case in point, the Twilight series. And now Fifty Shades of Grey. How many women read the Twilight book because they wanna be just like Bella (she’s the “heroine” of Twilight)? I’ve even heard girls say they like the Twilight movies in spite of Kristen Stewart. It’s not Bella women flock to Twilight for. It’s to experience that relationship with a man like Edward (vampire guy) or Jacob (werewolf guy).
But notice the difference between a centerfold and a romance novel. We LOOK at a picture of a naked chick. There ain’t no guys in the picture. Heeeeeell, no. In fact, better if it’s two chicks are going down on each other or something.
Pure male fantasy. Haha Credit: Alan1828 at Deviantart.com
In romance novels, though, women EXPERIENCE being in a relationship with an ideal man. It’s sex with love, with emotions, a story-line, struggle… it’s like this whole internal experience.
The centerfold? It looks nice. No love necessary. In fact, it’s more an external experience.
This was the other epiphany I had. It’s incredible how central love is to romance novels, including Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey. I’ve been watching the Twilight series with my girl, fascinated, learning what women want. Watching the movies made me realize how incredibly important LOVE is to women. Women want to be loved voraciously by a man, and she wants to love him voraciously in return.
Now who is this ideal man of hers?
Yes, good-looking, but there’s way more to it.
He has a painful past, he has suffered, he’s wounded. As a result, he lives outside the structure of civilization, doesn’t give a damn, a melancholy rebel. He rejects the standard guidelines of society, the established norms and behaviors, the restraints of social conventions. It’s as if he represents the force of physical nature, amoral, ruthless with a sense of power, and leadership. He’s got an edge, depth. No bullshit here.
Women want him, but he’s like whatever.
But he meets the heroine of the romance… there’s something different about her. He sees beyond her beauty, beyond her physical surface, and falls in love, in spite of himself, with her inner qualities that make her different than other girls. He pursues the heroine relentlessly like a beast, an animal, a panther stalking his prey. He’s like a sexual threat. She finds him dangerous and exciting.
He’s strong, PROTECTIVE, masculine. Yet gentle, compassionate, feeling, and tender at the same time. He’s got character, integrity. Noble, sophisticated, gentlemanly. Perhaps he can even play an instrument. Sensitive, never wimpy.
She falls desperately in love with him. And out of all the women in the world, she can teach him how to be happy again.
It’s been said the great poet Lord Byron created the model for the romantic hero in his long poem, Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage.
Lord Byron (1788-1824)
Apparently his hero was so well received, it was copied over and over again from Emily Bonte to romance novels today. The term “Byronic hero” even entered the language of literature. Models we can follow in this tradition (without having to read romance novels) is Count of Monte Cristo. Or even Batman (not as much Superman).
Takeaway?
Stay strong. Don’t care what others think of you. Serving a higher purpose than self is more important. In other words, stay masculine. Yet be kind and empathetic, too. Appreciate a woman not for her physical beauty, but her inner qualities that make her unique. And always take the sexual lead… in fact, be a sexual threat. You don’t have to marry her. We can be that mysterious stranger passing through town that sweeps her out of this ordinary world, into a more extraordinary world. Women want love. Let’s give her love, while always still staying the man.
Who cares what she thinks about you? Just give her “feeling good.” No need to get anything in return.
“Having a lot of money has nothing to do with being a success in life. You’re a success in life when you wake up! Then you don’t have to apologize to anyone, you don’t have to explain anything to anyone, you don’t give a damn what anybody thinks about you or what anybody says about you. You have no worries; you’re happy. That’s what I call being a success…
(Those who are worried what people think of them–even if rich and famous)… are controlled, so manipulated. They are unhappy people, they are miserable people. They don’t enjoy life. They are constantly tense and anxious. Do you call that human? And do you know why that happens? Only one reason: They identified with some label. They identified the “I” with their money or their job or their profession or (what women thought of them).”
-Anthony DeMello, “Obstacles to Happiness” in Awareness
Don’t worry what women–or anybody–thinks of you. Connect with reality. Who cares about getting “esteem” from others? Irony: when you don’t care what a woman thinks about you, you’ll become more successful with women.
