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The Kiss Close

Gratuitous eye candy.

Gratuitous eye candy.

The approach and the kiss are probably the two scariest parts of the pickup, right? I mean those times are when we REALLY put ourselves out there, and when we can get rejected… bad.

And when it comes to the kiss, we don’t want to be the “bad guy” and make her feel uncomfortable. Give me a nod if you relate. So, a lot of times we just don’t do anything at all.

Of course you and I know that’s a HUGE mistake. Why?

Because if we DON’T kiss her, it’s either “What up, Friend’s Zone how’s it going?” or she’ll be like “This guy has no balls. Let me find a guy who has a pair.”

Can I tell you a story from my own life where this exact thing happened?

Back in college, before I had an ounce of a clue with women, I had one of THE most beautiful, coolest of girls in my dorm room. It went downhill from there.

We were in an upper level philosophy class together. I was a philosophy major and she was an accounting major. I was TOTALLY in love with her. Not only was this girl BEAUTIFUL with a glorious pair of tits, but she was taking an upper level philosophy class for just FUN? Holy SHIT!

The other classes I had I’d wear a sweatshirt to class. This class, I showered, shaved and made sure to wear my best shirt.

I’m not sure how I got her in my dorm room. I must have finally gotten enough courage to strike up a conversation with her by the end of the semester, found out she needed help on the final, and told her I could help. So this girl that EVERY guy on campus had a hard on for was ALONE with me in my room.

Stomach doing backflips? Check.

Now get this. When she was in my room alone with me, she plopped herself down right next to me in my love seat. There was plenty of room in that seat. But she made sure to sit RIGHT NEXT to me so her leg was touching mine. On the outside I was talking philosophy. On the inside I was like AHHHHHHHHH!

Oh, don’t worry, it gets worse.

That NIGHT… yes, she had decided to spend the night, yes she did… we were looking out my window at the stars talking. Nice and romantic. We stopped talking. Silence. What did I do? Oh, I kept talking about cheese balls or something. Mm-hmm. That was me. Fantastic.

After that night I had tried contacting her. She never returned my calls. This girl I was in LOVE with, I lost her forever. She was giving me all the signals, but I didn’t know how to kiss her.

Since then… thankfully… I learned how to go for the kiss. And the funny thing (or really sad thing if you think about it) is, it’s really, really easy. I want to share with you how right here.

She wants you to kiss her

She wants you to kiss her

The first lesson you can learn from my story is this. If a woman is giving you signals, GO FOR IT! Silence is what you’d call a screaming green light. She WANTS you to kiss her.

What are other good signals to look out for? If she’s been talking with you the entire time, smiling, giving you her attention. He-llo-ooo.

Another good signal? If you’re thinking “I want to kiss her,” there’s a good chance she’s thinking the same damn thing.

Kiss her!

DO NOT ask for permission to kiss her. Baaaaad. I’ve made that mistake and lost a girl doing that too. No, just lean in for the kiss.

This is EXACTLY how.

Brush a hair out of her face. Or smell her neck and tell her how great she smells. Or touch her earrings. Or touch her necklace while allowing your fingers to lightly caress her neck. Make a comment about the earrings or necklace when you touch them. Or how great she smells.

If she doesn’t flinch when you brush her hair out of the way or when you touch her necklace, that’s another LOUD green light. Kiss her for God’s sakes.

If you want to add some really good sexual tension, try the “triangular gazing” before you kiss her.

The Triangular Gaze

It’s killer because of all the anticipation.

Here’s how to do it:

Look her in one eye, then her other eye, then down to her mouth, and back up to her eyes again. Veeeeeeeery, very seductive. Slow your movements. Slow your breath. Slow the blink of your eyes. Hold the silence. Go in 90%. She’ll come the last 10%.

And if you want to make the girl feel really “swept away” place your hands under her ears and pull her mouth to yours.

A “movie” kiss

It’s a masculine, dominant move, and it probably makes her feel like she’s in a movie having one of those passionate “movie” kisses.

But WARNING! Keep the kiss light and short at first. And ALWAYS pull away first!

Here’s an example from that female favorite “Twilight.” Watch how the vampire here pulls away first. I know, I know. It’s Twilight. But there’s a reason women FLOCK to this movie. Let’s learn from it.

Obviously you don’t have to pull away as dramatically as he does, but DO pull away first. It’s called creating sexual tension. When I watched this scene with my girl she told me she loved how he told her what to do. Being dominant and creating sexual tension… Nice. Turns women on.

Oh, and one more thing. Don’t use too much tongue when you first kiss her. Just tease her. Build anticipation. As Mystery says, the kiss is comfort-building. Kiss her too long and you let out all the sexual tension. Pull away, and you build more tension and arousal in her for you.

If you’re still intimidated and feel like you need to move your mouth before you kiss her, try Style’s routine “Evolutionary Phase Shift.” You can find it here. Scroll down towards the bottom. But keep in mind, it’s just training wheels. Crutches. You don’t really need it.

All you need is to stop talking. Look into her eyes. Brush a hair out of her face if you’d like. If she’s still looking at you, go for the kiss.

You’ll be golden.

 
5 Comments

Posted by on December 3, 2012 in C1-C3 Comfort, Home

 

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The Romantic Hero

What do women want?

Ahhhh, the age old question.

For the record, I have no idea.

But I do know that in 2010, romance novels accounted for 13.4% of mass market book sales (source: www.rwa.org). $1.358 billion was spent on romance novels in that year. Neither classic literature nor science fiction nor mystery nor religion earned a billion dollars in sales. And 91% of the readership of romance novels is female. Think we can learn a thing or two about women from romance novels?

How many of you guys heard of a book called “Dangerous Men and Adventurous Women”? If you haven’t checked it out yet–HIGHLY recommended. It’s all these romance writers talking about what it is about romance novels that appeals to women so much. It can help us learn about women and what they want.

I read this one essay called “The Androgynous Reader” by Laura Kinsale and it gave me a mini epiphany into why women love romance novels. Check this out…

Women seem to read romances the way we read centerfolds. In this essay, Kinsale claimed female readers identified less with the heroine. What they really liked about the novels is the hero. She uses this quote from a female reader (among others) to make her case: “If [the hero] isn’t in in the first chapter or two, I’ll put the book down. It’s just boring.”

She says women enjoy that sexual admiration. The way she puts it: “it’s a simple, erotic, and free-hearted joy in…desirable maleness.” Just like we to admire the tits and ass of a centerfold, women like to admire the desirable masculinity of the hero.

Case in point, the Twilight series. And now Fifty Shades of Grey. How many women read the Twilight book because they wanna be just like Bella (she’s the “heroine” of Twilight)? I’ve even heard girls say they like the Twilight movies in spite of Kristen Stewart. It’s not Bella women flock to Twilight for. It’s to experience that relationship with a man like Edward (vampire guy) or Jacob (werewolf guy).

But notice the difference between a centerfold and a romance novel. We LOOK at a picture of a naked chick. There ain’t no guys in the picture. Heeeeeell, no. In fact, better if it’s two chicks are going down on each other or something.

Pure male fantasy. Haha Credit: Alan1828 at Deviantart.com

In romance novels, though, women EXPERIENCE being in a relationship with an ideal man. It’s sex with love, with emotions, a story-line, struggle… it’s like this whole internal experience.

The centerfold? It looks nice. No love necessary. In fact, it’s more an external experience.

This was the other epiphany I had. It’s incredible how central love is to romance novels, including Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey. I’ve been watching the Twilight series with my girl, fascinated, learning what women want. Watching the movies made me realize how incredibly important LOVE is to women. Women want to be loved voraciously by a man, and she wants to love him voraciously in return.

Now who is this ideal man of hers?

Yes, good-looking, but there’s way more to it.

He has a painful past, he has suffered, he’s wounded. As a result, he lives outside the structure of civilization, doesn’t give a damn, a melancholy rebel. He rejects the standard guidelines of society, the established norms and behaviors, the restraints of social conventions. It’s as if he represents the force of physical nature, amoral, ruthless with a sense of power, and leadership. He’s got an edge, depth. No bullshit here.

Women want him, but he’s like whatever.

But he meets the heroine of the romance… there’s something different about her. He sees beyond her beauty, beyond her physical surface, and falls in love, in spite of himself, with her inner qualities that make her different than other girls. He pursues the heroine relentlessly like a beast, an animal, a panther stalking his prey. He’s like a sexual threat. She finds him dangerous and exciting.

He’s strong, PROTECTIVE, masculine. Yet gentle, compassionate, feeling, and tender at the same time. He’s got character, integrity. Noble, sophisticated, gentlemanly. Perhaps he can even play an instrument. Sensitive, never wimpy.

She falls desperately in love with him. And out of all the women in the world, she can teach him how to be happy again.

It’s been said the great poet Lord Byron created the model for the romantic hero in his long poem, Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage.

Lord Byron (1788-1824)

Apparently his hero was so well received, it was copied over and over again from Emily Bonte to romance novels today. The term “Byronic hero” even entered the language of literature. Models we can follow in this tradition (without having to read romance novels) is Count of Monte Cristo. Or even Batman (not as much Superman).

Takeaway?

Stay strong. Don’t care what others think of you. Serving a higher purpose than self is more important. In other words, stay masculine. Yet be kind and empathetic, too. Appreciate a woman not for her physical beauty, but her inner qualities that make her unique. And always take the sexual lead… in fact, be a sexual threat. You don’t have to marry her. We can be that mysterious stranger passing through town that sweeps her out of this ordinary world, into a more extraordinary world. Women want love. Let’s give her love, while always still staying the man.

 
2 Comments

Posted by on July 4, 2012 in Home, Masculinity

 

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