Let’s talk about “Last Minute Resistance” for a sec.
There’s a myth about this.
The myth is you have to deal with a woman’s last minute resistance to having sex with you right before sex.
Of course getting that last minute resistance does happen.
But if you deal with last minute resistance EARLIER in your game, by eliminating the word “slut” from your vocabulary, you won’t have to deal with the resistance so late.
Often times her resistance has to do with not feeling comfortable enough having sex after meeting you so soon.
She doesn’t want to be seen as a “slut.” If she resists, it makes her feel like she’s not being slutty.
She needs to feel like it “just happened”…
you’re not going to judge her…
her friends aren’t going to judge her…
you’re not going to never call her again…
you’re not going to broadcast the news over the internet.
So, make it clear having sex is AWESOME! It DOES NOT EQUAL slut. And take the decision-making process out of her hands. YOU take the lead, so she doesn’t have to take responsibility for it. Make it so that she can tell her friends “it just happened” or “it was his fault.”
Most important, make it clear earlier during your comfort-building conversation you respect women who are adventurous, spontaneous, who love sex. Plant that seed early on and she’ll be less likely to resist sex later on at the last minute.
When you’re NON-JUDGMENTAL, you AVOID last minute resistance, and you make her feel comfortable with sex.
But that’s not the only reason you should eliminate the word “slut” from your vocabulary.
Honest-to-God the whole concept is…
Bullshit.
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T.
BULLSHIT!
There’s no equivalent word for a man. I mean the word is derogatory. It’s an insult for women. What word is there in our language to insult men for sleeping with lots of women?
What’s that you say?
Male slut? Pimp? Ladies’ Man?
Compliments. All of ’em.
Why? Why is it a compliment for men to sleep with lots of women but it’s wrong for women to have that same freedom?
In logic, when two premises collide like this, it’s called inconsistency. Inconsistency is an invalid argument.
Language is funny. You can actually create a reality out of language.
What do I mean?
Man and woman having sex. Sheer fact. Nothing good, nothing bad about it.
Then you apply the word “slut” to the woman.
All of a sudden, it makes a woman feel uneasy, nervous, guilty… basically like shit… for something that’s…
JUST FUCKING SEX!
A FACT of life… that BOTH the man and woman are doing.
A fact of life that’s creative, pleasurable, brings life into the world, binds people together, loving.
A fact of life that’s GORGEOUS.
Slut = moralistic judgment based on a human construction, not reality.
The word “slut” is bullshit. The sooner you get rid of that thinking, the sooner women will want to fuck your brains out.
Make her feel safe. A no-slut zone does just that.
I’ll tell you why that’s an excellent question. Attraction don’t happen just in the words you say.
Words do matter, or course. However, it’s not JUST the words that create attraction. Attraction happens EVEN MORE in the DELIVERY. The subtext. How you speak. How you carry yourself. You sub-communicate to women what you’re feeling inside–whether you’re confident or insecure–in the way you carry yourself.
Deliver your gambits with a lot of hesitation or looking at the ground or talking too fast, and you’ll make women feel uncomfortable. Your sets will crash and burn. However, deliver your gambits with confidence, and the women will wanna keep talking to you. Hello attraction, how are you?
I gotta tell you this quick story about delivery. Haha
As you may or may not know I’m a junior coach for Mystery’s school, Venusian Arts. In our training seminar, Lovedrop told us this story. (Lovedrop was the ghostwriter for Mystery’s bestselling book “The Mystery Method.”)
When Matador (Mystery’s wingman who’s now a famous pickup artist himself) was first learning this stuff he got really frustrated with Mystery. He’d say the exact stuff Mystery would say, yet Mystery got the hottest girls more than him. He couldn’t understand why. So, one night he just mimicked Mystery for the hell of it, the way he talked and all that. To his SHOCK, the hot woman started facing him directly, touching him, asking him questions…
Then Lovedrop told us: “I don’t know if a lot of guys realize how important DELIVERY is. It’s one of the most important things you can learn when attracting women.”
So, what exactly is delivery? It starts with your inner-game. How you feel. What you’re feeling will seep into your words without your knowing it. So, on one end it’s about being calm, authoritative, anchored.
On the other end, it’s about being a great story-teller. Slow down at parts of a story when there’s a lot of suspense. Speed up when there’s a lot of excitement. Act out the dialogue. Put FEELING into your words.
We all know women are feeling creatures. They’re sensitive to emotions. If you feel uncomfortable, she’ll feel uncomfortable. She won’t want to be around those feelings. If you feel comfortable and great, she’ll feel comfortable and great. She’ll want to be around those “feel good” emotions. ‘Cause they’re feeling creatures.
Now, listen to this. Women attract us largely by her looks. We attract women largely by how we make a woman FEEL. Keep that in mind when you deliver gambits. Give her “feeling good.”
But I know saying “feel good inside” isn’t super concrete and practical advice and verges on the airy fairy.
So, check out the master himself at work, Mystery. Watch how he delivers this gambit. Copy him. And it WILL affect the way YOU feel inside. The quality of your approaches will sky-rocket.
The Gambit starts at about 1:47
So what do you think? What works about Mystery’s delivery?
Everyone says he speaks slowly and enthusiastically.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. That really helps. Thanks.
I think it’s more than that.
Notice how he speaks with control and purpose, which allows him to be expressive. If one speaks fast how can one express anything other than fear?
Mystery speaks like a pianist who doesn’t rush to the next measure, but listens to himself play—which allows the pianist to linger on certain spots or on certain colors that are particularly beautiful to him… as if he’s pausing to smell the roses.
Mystery speaks like a soccer player who doesn’t blindly dribble the ball down the field, but lifts his head to see the entire field—which allows the soccer player to see who to pass the ball to or where to go next in the most strategic way.
Mystery speaks like Spider-Man in the first movie where everything slows down for him—which allows Peter Parker to see things so clearly that he ducks Flash Gordon’s punches.
The scene ends at about 1:21
Okay, so maybe this is the same as saying Mystery speaks slowly and enthusiastically. But when I watch him what strikes me is the inner mind-set he has to speak so hypnotically.
He doesn’t seem to be anxious about what others might think of him. He doesn’t think “Do they like me?” “Am I doing a good job?”
Hell, no.
He seems to walk step-by-step through the beautiful structure of logic. He enjoys his own journey along the way. Savoring the beauty, emotion, wonder, and fascination of it all seems to be more important to him than what others might think of him.
As a result, he comes across as articulate and clear-thinking, as well as someone with AUTHORITY (veeeeeery attractive), self-control, purpose, and strength (“I don’t care what others think of me” is strong).
All that’s incredibly attractive to women.
So, try this right now. Pick your favorite gambit. Practice in the mirror. And copy Mystery’s style of delivery. You’re like an apprentice artist copying a master until you find your own style/voice. Practice speaking calmly, as well as speaking with enthusiasm and emotion.
Not only will you attract women, but it will make you feel more confident inside.
Yep. Scary. Less scary if you know what to say, though. Photo Credit: www.collegecandy.com
What do you say? How do you avoid rejection?
The short answer is… talk about stuff she’d want to talk about.
Check out this story from Mystery.
PART ONE: Initiate an Interesting Topic of Conversation
Louie and Mystery are in a buffet restaurant eating, and 3 girls are eating at a table inconveniently 30 feet away from them.
So, they get some food and discuss a WAY IN. Louie comes up with an “ON THE FLY OPENER.”
He goes in and crash and burns. But, hey, we all gotta go through the pain of losing to start LEARNING and getting good. Right? And we can learn something from what he did.
So, this is what he did.
He carries some cookies to the girls and says:
Louie: Do you have any idea how I can secretly sneak out 16 cookies from this place without getting caught?
Girl #1: Put them in your hood.
Louie: I could do that by throwing them into the air and catching them… cha ching!
Have no idea what that means, but points for being kinda unique.
Then he fucks it up by sitting with them. This makes the girls feel invaded and uncomfortable, because… and here’s the key… he had not yet initiated an interesting topic of conversation, so that they would WANT him there.
But hey, the dude TRIED. Major points for that.
Again, he failed to initiate an INTERESTING TOPIC OF CONVERSATION. Lesson: Before approaching chicks, have an interesting topic of conversation ready to engage them.
Okay, fine. What exactly is an “INTERESTING” topic of conversation?
Excellent question.
PART TWO: Talk about stuff SHE’D like to talk about
People don’t care about what you want. People care about what THEY want.
Don’t worry about getting her to like you. See something good about her, and point this out. Like her first. Talk about her favorite subject. HER.
Think in terms of her point of view, and talk about things from this angle.
The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. Rare is the guy who approaches a woman and talks in terms of THEM, and gives them FEELING GOOD. This guy is so rare, that he’ll stand out. She’ll stop, and take notice.
By talking in terms in her, you’ll arouse in her a want. She’ll want to talk.
Also, being enthusiastic arouses a want in others to talk as well. People connect with that emotion. That’s a cool emotion to connect with, especially for a woman you’d like to get to know better.
Henry Ford:
“If there’s any one secret to success it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle, as well as from your own.”
1. Talk about stuff that SHE’D like to talk about.
2. Be enthusiastic and fascinated. She’ll enjoy talking with you because of how you make her FEEL.
3. Share some insight into who she is. All of us humans enjoy learning, especially if it gives us some insight into who we are.
Talk in terms of her. You’ll arouse in her a want. That’s all you need.
PART THREE: Chick Crack
Here’s some possible topics you can open with.
By the way, this is why Style’s and Mystery’s routines work so well. They were based on the principle of TALKING IN TERMS OF HER.
You only have to pick one or two topics below.
I. Self-Disclose
A. Your Passion
My most successful conversation starter was telling a girl straight out that my passion is writing. Benefits: a) She knows who she’s talking with. b) Passion is a feeling everyone can relate to. c) Afterwards, I get to ask what HER passion is. This is what I really care about. I wanna know who this chick is.
B. A Funny or Embarrassing Story
Cosmo has an entire column called “Confessions,” which is all about embarrassing moments. What does that tell you? A funny embarrassing story makes her laugh, and shows your human side. (examples: “The W,” “Two Girls Fighting Outside”)
C. Enthusiastic News that would excite HER
Article you just read that’s girl-relevant… maybe a new take on cheating, or how girls think
Great thing that just happened to you… maybe you just got promoted
Cool movie or concert you just saw… maybe you just saw Avengers
Cool fact or discovery (like of Google Earth) that totally FASCINATED you
II. “Who You Are” Tests
(Shed some insight about who she is. And actually learn about her.)
A. Shorter Tests. First 2 minutes to “hook” the girl.
Make Observations about Her (“The Rings Routine” or “Best Friend’s Test” are examples and even Style’s “Eliciting Values” works here)
How Her… and Everyone else’s… Mind Works/NLP Discoveries (“Eye Accessing Cues” or Ross Jeffries’ “Blammo” pattern are examples)
Astrology (Ask “what’s your sign.” Have some knowledge about astrology.)
B. Longer Tests. After you’ve “hooked” her (to build comfort and rapport).
Palmistry (Brad P’s Palmistry Joke is great here. If you’ve got the patience to actually learn this stuff, good luck haha)
Handwriting Analysis, Tarot Card Reading
Others: The Cube, The 4 Question Psychological Test, Mystery’s “The Question Game,” Style’s “Secret Self”
III. Girl-Relevant Topics
A. Relationships
especially if there’s a lot of drama. Get a female perspective.
B. “Cute” stuff, like Animals and Children
Women when they see something small and cute always say: “That’s sooooooo cute!” I don’t understand it. I just go with it.
C. The Unknown
Magic, ghosts, the occult, the spiritual. Who isn’t FASCINATED by a little mystery?
D. Fashion
Tip: if you compliment her on her fashion, be specific. Insight is the difference between a generic compliment and a genuine one. Asking her for fashion advice works too.
E. Trends
Reality TV (i.e. The Bachelor or American Idol), celebrity gossip, pop-culture (movies, music).
So, those are some topics that might be interesting to HER.
PART FOUR: Before and After Starting a Conversation and “The Initial Benefit Statement”
BEFORE you initiate a topic of conversation, NEG HER.
For example you could say something as simple as, “I can already tell, you and I are NOT going to get along.” Laughter breaks the ice. But this special kind of FLIRTATIOUS laughter, creates all-important sexual tension. I’ve got more on this in my article “Flirting.”
AFTER initiating an interesting topic of conversation, ASK ABOUT HER.
This is so important. Don’t be the dancing monkey. Qualify her. It avoids you getting stuck, and moves the conversation forward.
Then when she answers your question, STATE YOUR INTEREST in her. Now she knows why you’re there. And close the deal. Easy cheesy.
Bythe way, what do the topics I listed above have in common?
They’re emotional. I mean you don’t have to exactly debate passion. That’d be ridiculous. It’s not factual or intellectual. It’s emotional.
And they have to do with HER. That’s exactly my point.
Instead of trying to “get” her, you’re “giving” value to her.
It’s like you’re saying, “Hey, here’s feeling good.” She can take it or leave it. You don’t care, you just wanted to spread some good feelings. Nice.
We usually think in terms of “me.” What I want. Wouldn’t you say it’s hard to bridge the gap to another person that way? Why not then think in terms of them? What they want. Imagine yourself in their shoes.
In sales, there’s something called the “Initial Benefit Statement.” It’s all about how you BENEFIT them. When you approach a prospective client, you must tell them
1. WHO YOU ARE
2. WHY YOU’RE THERE
3. WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THEM
Do the SAME THING when starting conversations with women.
When you
1. NEG (MAKE HER LAUGH) = WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THEM
2. DHV (INITIATE AN INTERESTING TOPIC OF CONVERSATION) = WHO YOU ARE
3. QUALIFY (ASK ABOUT HER AFTERWARDS) = WHY YOU’RE THERE
she’s enjoying herself, because really it’s all about her. She knows who she’s talking with. Then when you state your interest in her, she knows why you’re there.
So, have an interesting topic of discussion ready before you approach a girl. Talk in terms of her. Who cares about “getting”? Just give.
Ahhhhhh. The ice has melted. You didn’t try to “get” her. You were just giving to her. Photo Credit: http://9ja-dejavu.blogspot.com/2012/03/signs-that-she-is-into-you.html
A while back I read about this experiment done at SUNY-Stony Brook. It gave me a huge “aha” moment. In fact, it was this insight that had helped my success rate with picking up women jump to a whole other level.
Arthur Aron. Credit: http://www.psychology.stonybrook.edu/aronlab-/
conducted the series of experiments. He wanted to find out what makes two people fall in love.
A man and a woman were put into a room together. Never met before. For 90 minutes.
Before they went into the room, Aron said to each person that the other person was going to like them. Then he instructed them to share intimate stuff, like embarrassing moments and how they’d feel if they lost a parent.
So, these two strangers are put in this room together and they’re sharing intimate info with each other.
Every so often, a researcher would come in and tell them to say what they liked about each other. They’d do that.
And every so often, a researcher would come in and tell them to gaze into each other’s eyes for about two minutes without talking. They’d do that.
At the end of the experiment, the two strangers left through separate doors. But many confessed to feeling deeply attracted, and close, to the other person. In fact, one of the couples actually even ended up getting married… and invited Aron to their wedding. Haha.
When I first read this, it helped me understand how to pickup women. This is what I took from it.
We need three things to feel those strong feelings of intimacy and love with another person.
FIRST… you need SEXUAL TENSION. I mean, if you don’t have sexual tension, you basically have a friend, right? And in that experiment, the eye gazing thing is so intimate, I can’t see how it wouldn’t some spark sexual tension. Confident body language helps, too. Confidence is sexy.
SECOND, you need MUTUAL SELF-DISCLOSURE. This is huge. When two people share deep, EMOTIONAL, stuff about themselves–not just talking about the weather–you’re no longer strangers. You’re no longer on the superficial level. You can’t help but experience an emotional connection.
Emphasis, by the way, is on MUTUAL. A guy can’t just do all the talking. And she can’t do all the talking either. BOTH people have to mutually self-disclose. And that leads to the third thing…
THIRD, you need to discover that the OTHER PERSON LIKES THEM. Appreciation is huuuuuuge. Do you think we get enough of it? I don’t. I know we humans like to criticize and find fault with each other. You don’t always hear people looking for the good in each other.
Aron actually thought that this was THE major factor that helped two people feel the feelings of falling in love. Discovering that the other person liked them. Isn’t that cool?
In pickup, what that means is DON’T just “DHV” (Demonstrate Higher Value) or do all the talking. Ask about her. Qualify. If you like what you hear, appreciate her. And state your interest. It’s CRUCIAL to attracting a girl.
When I first read this, I was fascinated because it seemed to corroborate the theory behind the Mystery Method.
The Mystery Method also states you need three things to create attraction with a woman on a pickup.
For those of you unfamiliar with the Mystery Method, let me share.
Mystery (often billed the world’s greatest pickup artist)
Mystery Credit: www.venusianarts.com
thought that the courtship process had a beginning, middle, and an end.
FIRST, you gotta ATTRACT a woman, SECOND, you gotta build COMFORT AND TRUST with her, and THIRD, you gotta SEDUCE her. In that order.
Seduce first, and you’re the creepy Player. Start in comfort… “so where are you from? Nice weather we’re having”… and you’re Mr. Nice Guy. Attract first, then you can ask her where she’s from. Build some comfort and trust, then you can seduce her. My post “Top Ten Mistakes Men Make With Women” covers this in detail.
Anyway, Mystery thought that the attract phase (the first phase) also had a beginning, middle, and an end.
Stay with me here…
Here’s the attract phase.
FIRST, OPEN a girl. Spark sexual tension through banter (Mystery calls it “negging”), kino (touch), and confident body language.
SECOND, DHV. That means self-disclose something about yourself. It lets her know what you’re about.
THIRD, QUALIFY. Ask about her. Now she self-discloses. Mutual self-disclosure, baby! After she talks, STATE YOUR INTEREST (if she seems cool). In other words, appreciate her. This lets her feel liked. And genuinely so, because you found something in her self-disclosure that honestly vibed with you. Nice.
Now you’re onto connecting, conversation, and comfort. Very nice.
In other words, in every pickup, you need sexual tension, mutual self-disclosure, and appreciation.
Following these three simple rules completely transformed my pickup into consistent success.
But if you REALLY wanna fall in love… connect physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually with her. If you find a woman you can do this with, you probably won’t have to pickup women anymore. You’ve probably found your match. Haha
The name of the book where I read about this experiment is called
