Tag Archives: sex

The “Tantra Chair” – AWESOME!


This piece of furniture is AWESOME!

It ain’t cheap. But it’s designed so you can do any of those crazy kama sutra positions with ease. Plus it’s beautiful. And it’s made from a type of leather that feels wonderful on the skin and you don’t have to worry about making a mess.

The video is graphic, but it’s damn cool.

Men are like Fire, Women are like Water

“Men are like fire–quick to ignite and quick to extinguish. Women are like water–slow to boil but keep on boiling” – a Taoist expression as quoted by Sex Coach Kim Amami, from July/August 2012 Playboy

We’ll be better lovers if we can learn to prolong our arousal.


Relax the muscles around the groin, and breathe out the tension. The tenser we are around the groin, the closer we get pushed over the edge. The more relaxed we are, the longer we’ll last.

Game, Part 2: Unity of Opposites

Tension comes from opposition

Why is the whole dating process called “Game”? What’s the constant throughout the attract, comfort, and seduce stages? What unifies and binds them together as one? The answer might help us play the Game like a master.

Here’s my thought: Game has to do with the interplay between interest and disinterest.

It’s about giving and taking away.

Take a step forward and a step back.

You’re interested but not quite.

I like you, but you can’t have me…yet

Push the boundary and back off (before she pushes you away first).

Show warmth and freeze out

Yes, no.

In other words, we guys have to be the ones to show interest in the girls first. We make the first move. But we must also temper that interest with disinterest. We have to push her away first before she does (or else game over).

When we push her away it creates an empty space between us and her that draws her toward us, like a magnet.

We pursue that which retreats from us.

That’s the Game. You draw near and retreat at the same time, over and over again.

Women enjoy feeling desired. At the same time she wants to be challenged and earn our affections, too.

The Game begins in A-1 (approach) the FIRST SECOND we approach. Approaching her is a show of interest. So, as soon as we approach, within the first two sentences we must also lean back, begin to walk away, say we’re leaving soon, or tease/neg her mercilessly.

It continues through A-2 (attract). When we tell stories or demonstrate our value, again, we’re showing interest in her. We wouldn’t be investing all that time and energy to tell her a story if we weren’t interested. So, during a story we also neg the target to balance our show of interest: “Ewww, I don’t want her”—all in the name of play of course.

It continues through A-3 (qualify). Asking questions is a show of interest. But a QUALIFYING question, like “What have you got going for you besides your looks?” shows you might be disinterested, too.

Compliments must have spice, too. Ironically spice makes people feel more comfortable with a compliment. “Oh my God, you’re a ballerina? (props) I can’t even talk to you (push away)!” You appreciate her but you give a “spank” at the same time.

A good spank here and there can be a good thing

It happens in physical escalation. You touch her hand but throw it away, you smell her but tell her “I’m not in that mind space,” kiss her and then say “that’s enough.”

It must happen in comfort. Although the emphasis is on building a connection and less on showing “disinterest,” we must still sprinkle in banter and spice. It must never stop, even when we’re married to her with kids.

It happens in foreplay and sex. You smell her neck for ten minutes but never touch her. You lean in to kiss her but you back off. You kiss all around her pussy but you don’t lick her clit yet. You tease her pussy with your cock but you don’t put it in until you’re ready.

The undercurrent of challenge is always there: pushing her away yet pulling her toward you, pulling her toward you yet pushing her away. That’s what Game is all about. And it keeps the romance alive in a relationship.

The Game is NEVER played in a mean way, but in the spirit of a game, of play, of fun. It’s all about balancing opposites: balancing your show of romantic interest with a show of romantic disinterest.

Why must we play “Games” at all? Can’t we just be honest and tell her we want her?

Believe me, I’ve tried many times. Women, simply don’t respond to it.

Again, we pursue that which retreats from us.

So, we beat her to the punch (her retreating from us) by retreating and showing disinterest first. We have to do this, because women are not always particularly nice to us when we approach them.

Not only that, women seem to enjoy this way more. Seeing it written down, she might deny it. But in actuality they respond to it.

And it makes sense when you think about it.

On one hand, men who approach women with blatant sexual interest, makes her feel like a piece of meat. On the other hand, men who approach women by bombarding her with a zillion questions or kissing her ass, just because she has a great ass, doesn’t make her feel that “spark” either.

Playing the Game, doesn’t put her on a pedestal and doesn’t treat her like a piece of meat. It’s the middle way. More importantly, it allows us to interact with her like a normal human being. It makes her feel safe and comfortable. And it allows her to come to us.

With game, our interest isn’t aggressive and obvious but gentle and indirect. At the same time our disinterest shows her we’re strong, honest, and in charge. Our interest becomes more than about sex. She’s no longer just a piece of meat. Our interest becomes about being with her and finding out who is she beyond her looks as a real human person.

The road to sex becomes a process, not a destination.

It’s funny, when we see a banging body we get turned on and we’re ready for sex INSTANTLY. It almost doesn’t even matter who she is. See great body, ready for sex.

Yep. Ready for sex.

Women, on the other hand, are not ready for sex instantly just by seeing a great body. They need to find out who the person is (she risks more than we do by having sex). So, she plays the Game intuitively on us to screen us.

If we play the Game with her in return we’re on a level playing field. We’re speaking the same language.

Now her sexual interest can ignite and slowly simmer to a boil as if she’s the water in a pot and we’re the fire beneath.

We must play the Game because women respond to it with pleasure. It doesn’t matter if she’s a college student or a tenured professor: The Game speaks to the woman inside her. It’s a dance. It’s fun and interesting not just for her but for us, too.

We must play the Game to communicate in her language of juicy emotion and coy indirectness rather than our language of dry logic and brute directness.

But the good news is it’s truly just a game, there’s no real substance to it. Her rejection or acceptance of us has little to do with who we really are as people, but with the level of our skill.

There’s also no substance to Game because a guy who has higher social status–the equivalent of a woman’s banging body for us guys–is just as superficial. Status is an image, an illusion.

It says nothing about our true worth or value as a human person. It’s called Game, because truly, it’s bullshit. That doesn’t mean we bullshit her. It just means it’s not real. It’s not personal.

It’s just mixing disinterest with interest, and interest with disinterest. It’s laughing it off. It’s make-believe. It’s play. It’s fun.

It’s a game.

It’s all just play

When You Fuck a Girl, Do This

Credit: erospainter.tumblr.com

Feel in your body what she’s feeling.

Let me ask you this. What causes goose bumps? Shivers? A chill down your spine? What about that feeling you get that makes you want to fuck, especially when you see a nice ass like this?

Credit: nylonfoxie.com

It’s been called chi in China, ki in Japan, prana in India, kundalini in yoga, but it’s all energy.

Sexual Energy Credit: wikipedia

Our life force. Leaves our body when we die. Pervades the universe. Einstein: equals matter times the speed of light squared. Makes us feel sexual. Energy from the genitals makes us feel sexual. Feels like a light in our bodies. You can tune into it.

You can tune into hers, too. You can feel what she’s feeling.

When your fingers touch her skin, or the inside of her pussy, feel her pleasure. Imagine her sexual energy going from her body into your hand. Touch SLOWLY, just the hairs on her skin and feel what she’s feeling.

You can use other body parts, too. Chest, cheek, lips, forearm, shoulder, hair, chin, ear, knee, ass, feet, tongue, breath…

Whatever way you touch her, feel what she’s feeling in your body. Follow her cues. You’ll know where to go and what to do next. You’re not just giving her pleasure, but taking it in too.

You won’t be bored. Won’t be distracted. Won’t have to accomplish anything. “I have to make her orgasm.” Nah. Just enjoying the pleasure. Enjoying this woman right here, right now, in front of you. Enjoying feeling what she’s feeling.

Getting Picked up…From A Woman’s Point of View

This comes from “Bare: The Naked Truth About Stripping,” by Elisabeth Eaves.

Listen to what she says about how it might feel like to get picked up… from a woman’s point of view.

…occasionally strangers started to talk to me for no apparent reason… my usual reaction was embarrassment for having drawn attention and annoyance that my daydreaming or reading had been interrupted…

…I didn’t understand his attention. I still thought myself invisible to the world of strangers and adults…

The next year… I started to put things together…

…I broke into a jog because I was running late and wanted to get to the school where my friends would be.

A carful of boys suddenly came careening around the bend… As it passed a young man with shaggy hair bellowed out the window: “Fabulous set of tah-tahs, baby!”

I slowed to a walk and looked behind me, trying to fathom whom he was talking to, but there was no one else around. I realized, slowly, that it must have been me. I kept walking up toward the school, thinking about what he had said. I had never heard the term “tah-tahs” before. It sounded like a stupid, babyish word… But I knew instinctively what he was talking about…

Before then I had thought that effort or at least some sort of consciousness on my part might lead to sexual attention. Now I realized that I–my head, that is, my brain, my thoughts–had nothing to do with it. I looked down at my white turtleneck and pink jeans and saw my body in a new light. It was an object of interest to others that was entirely independent from who I was. And now my body became a new kind of object of interest to me. I had done nothing to achieve it. I couldn’t escape it. Yet it had clearly made those boys–or were they grown men?–behave the way they had. I felt like a child who had been handed a heavy sword and told to learn how to use it before she cut off her foot. Some time after the car had gone by, when I had put this all together, I laughed with a mixture of flattered pride and disbelief.

The incident… united my internal and external sexual worlds. I was familiar, after all, with sex, in the sense you can be familiar with anything you read about in a book… I thought about sex frequently… and I masturbated often. But up until the day at the bus stop I had not connected what went on in my head with tangible experience. Having sex was a goal, but in the abstract, in the same way I thought I might someday be a lawyer. I had assumed there were many hurdles between me and it. I had not yet discerned the link between my private thoughts and the way others saw me. And then suddenly it became clear that there were no hurdles at all. Sex was there for the taking. It was up to me.

It was a revelation… boys were now sexually available to me… I started to become dimly aware of an unwritten sexual rule book. I was stunned when I discovered that boys and girls were expected to behave differently. It violated my sense of fair play.

Here’s some things I took away from this.

1. Beauty is superficial. Don’t be interested in a woman just because she was dealt a good pair of cards. Be interested in her person. Let her earn your interest. Ways to do this: Qualify her. Neg/Banter with her.

2. This woman was shocked to learn that she didn’t have to work to get sex. All she had to do was look good. Be different. Desire her if she has a brain or a positive outlook, not just because she looks good.

3. Women are as sexual and horny (if not more) than us. She wants sex. There’s outdated, unwritten rules that makes it more difficult for women to be as sexually free as us. Don’t play by those unwritten rules. Let the sexual animal in her come out to play.

4. Oh, and it probably does feel like an interruption when we talk to her. That’s okay. Have an interesting topic of conversation prepared. You could also call this “DHV.” If she seems cool, let your interest be known based on that, and invite her out.

A Structure I Use

Here’s a structure I’ve used to great success.



“You looked kinda cool, so I had to come over and say hi.”


“I’ve got this rule that whenever I see someone attractive, I’ve gotta come over and say hi.”

Your body isn’t directly facing theirs. Your body faces away from them. Legs reveal what the mind wants to do.

“Mark sat there with his legs wide apart, stroking his tie and massaging the saltshaker. He hadn’t noticed that, for the past twenty minutes, her legs had been crossed away from him and pointing toward the nearest exit.”
Credit: The Definitive Book of Body Language, Allan & Barbara Pease

It also makes them feel not trapped, but comfortable–you’re not going to be there forever.

Her reaction: Smiles.


Tap on the arm and step back.

“Hey quit looking at my chest. My eyes are up here! Jeez. All you girls think about is one thing.”

Her Reaction: Laughs.


“You guys seem cool. You don’t mind a complete stranger coming up to you and saying crazy stuff.”

Her Reaction: Yes, we’re cool talking with strangers.


“My passion in life is writing, and I can’t think of a better way to have material to write about than meeting new people.”

Her Reaction: Agreement.


“How about you? What are you passionate about?”

Her Reaction: You’ll be surprised how few people know what they’re passionate about. I’ll help by saying something like:

“Well, what’s something you really enjoyed doing when you were like seven?”


“What’s something you love doing and you just totally lose track of time, like you could do forever?”

Her Reaction: Thinks, then figures something out.

Converse on this for a bit. Style’s “Eliciting Values” works great here too.


“Are you single? You seem really cool and I’d love to continue this conversation.”


“Okay, I’m totally making you my new girlfriend. We’re gonna go to Vegas tomorrow and get married by Elvis. You can wear a Catwoman costume, and I’ll be Batman. It’ll be awesome. Are you single? We should totally hang out. When are you free?”

Make a date there and then. It avoids phone tag later.


Once you’re alone with her, find commonalities or play a fun game like The Cube or The Question Game. Deepen the mutual self-disclosure. Open up. She’ll follow your lead.


Brush a hair from her face. Slow your breathing and blinking. If she’s cool with you brushing a hair from her face, she’ll be cool with you kissing her. Keep the first kiss light and short. Not too much tongue. ALWAYS pull away first. Leave her wanting more.


Invite her up for something unrelated to sex, like you want to play her a cool song, or show her a cool movie. Take 5 or 10 minutes to smell her without kissing her. During foreplay, don’t go straight for her pussy or tits. Take two steps forward, one step back. Keep pulling away. It builds sexual tension.

You don’t have to use the exact words I use. But the underlying structure works. Each step corresponds to each of the 3 things you need to fall in love. Namely:

1. Banter… creates sexual tension.

2. Self-disclose… mutual self-disclosure, part 1 (you disclose)

3. Qualify the target… mutual self-disclosure, part 2 (she discloses)

4. State your interest in the target and close the deal… she feels liked not for her looks, but for who she is.

Don Juan DeMarco’s Approach

In my previous post, I suggested we must approach a woman by giving. This scene below shows exactly what I mean.

Also, this scene shows how foreplay IS sex. There’s no difference between picking up women and satisfying them. Picking up a woman is foreplay. This scene shows this idea, too. The way Don Juan picks her up is the way he satisfies her.


Notice these excellent fundamentals in his approach:

  • He smiles before uttering a word.
  • Before he speaks, he lets the woman check him out. If you speak before letting people check you out, they won’t be able to hear what you’re saying. They need to size you up first.
  • He gives a false time constraint: “I will not linger.” If you sit down with someone, they’ll immediately wonder how long you’ll be here. Put them at ease. Let them know you won’t stay long.
  • He immediately self-discloses. He tells her who he is.
  • He sparks sexual tension by telling her what he can do for her. It’s about her.
  • He touches her within minutes.
  • The way he speaks: with feeling, subtlety, appreciation, sincerity. You can tell how much he is in love with women. And he just sucks her into his world as a result.
  • He never states why he’s there. It’s understood. But it’s not about “me” or “taking.” He wants her, but he also wants to give something of value to her. He demonstrates his value in terms of her.
  • He’s unafraid of sex. In fact, he confidently leads her to sex. But he leads her in a way that sparks HER desires (his desire is there, but it’s not about my desires alone).

And when he’s in bed, he uses that same kind of being-in-tuned with her, enjoying every inch of her, bringing her deepest pleasure out from within her (not just sticking his dick in her). It’s an art. Nothing else exists. Time stands still. The self is gone. Complete and total care. Bliss. Listen to his words…

Every woman  is a mystery to be solved. Her skin color can tell us how to proceed. But a woman holds nothing from a true lover. Her hue, like the blush of a rose, pink and pale, she must be coaxed to open her petals with a warmth like the sun. It calls for the lust of a whale crashing to the shore, so we may steal up what lies beneath, and bring the foamy delight of love to the surface.

Although there is no metaphor that truly describes making love to a woman. The closest is playing a rare musical instrument. I wonder, does the Stradivarius violin feel the same rapture as the violinist when he coaxes his single perfect note from its heart?

Every true lover knows the moment of greatest satisfaction comes when ecstasy is long over. And he beholds before him the flower that has blossomed beneath his touch.

-Don Juan DeMarco

How A Woman Must Be Touched

One night, I watched her at the window in her sleep. I noticed for the first time, how a woman’s underclothes barely touches her skin. How it rides on a cushion of air as she moves. How the silk floats about her body, brushing her flesh like an angel’s wings, and I understood how a woman must be touched.

-Don Juan DeMarco


The quote appears about 5:23 in this clip.

Women love to get FUCKED!

We don’t have to talk a women into having sex.

Women love sex! They actually WANT to have sex.

Okay, well maybe if she has sex out of obligation… Or if sex for her is’t fun… then maybe she won’t want it.

But if she ENJOYS the sex… why would anyone NOT want to do something that feels awesome?

Then you look at a book like Nancy Friday’s “Secret Garden” about women’s fantasies.

Credit: www.tower.com

And you see a theme. A lot of women’s fantasies have to do with being dominated, “ravaged,” and “taken.” You realize, women don’t just love sex, they love to get FUCKED!

What does that mean?

#1. FUCK her.

You don’t always have to make “sweet love” to a woman. Of course there’s a time and a place for that. And women do enjoy it. But women also love to get raunchy, animalistic, and naughty. They love dirty talk, they love to be taboo, and they love to be dominated. Women are horny and deeply sexual.

So, talk dirty. Make noise. Pull her hair. Pin her hands behind her head. Slap her ass. Feel her tits. Pick her up. Bend her over. Throw her on the bed. Fuck her pussy. GET IN TOUCH WITH THE ANIMAL WITHIN. Get completely and totally turned on by her. Dominate her. And above all, ENJOY being with her.

#2. Don’t Be Judgmental.

Never EVER pass judgment on her sexuality. It’s GREAT that she’s sexual! Love it.

And isn’t weird that there’s no equivalent derogatory word “slut” for a man? You call a man a “male slut” and it’s almost a compliment. The concept “slut” imprisons women, it doesn’t liberate them.

The more you’re okay with her sexuality, the more she’ll be comfortable enough to unleash the sexual MONSTER inside of her. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Love it love it love it.

#3. Attitude — She Wants You

You already have what she wants. You have a cock and she wants it. Never have to talk a woman into sex. Never have to kiss her ass to get laid. Never have to spend loads of money on her to fuck her. Just turn her on.

#4. GIve Her Sex She ENJOYS

Make her FEEL good inside, and turn her body on. Both. Technique won’t do it alone. Then make sure she has an orgasm before you do. And watch out. She’ll be begging YOU for sex.

David Shade was the first person to open my eyes to this. My experiences with women have shown this to be true over and over and over again. And, let me tell you, there’s nothing more beautiful in the world than a woman in ecstasy. She WANTS to get fucked, so goddammit FUCK her!


Foreplay IS sex

It’s almost as if all you need to be a better lover is do what most guys don’t do.

Yeah, great. Thanks for that stellar insight. But what EXACTLY does that mean?

Spend MORE TIME turning her on and working her up.

If you wait to penetrate her, making her WANT you to penetrate her, by the time you penetrate her she’s already probably pretty close to orgasm.

Like, picture a graph. 0 is her picking her toenails and 10 is orgasm. If you wait to penetrate her when she’s at a 9 (or even a 10), it makes it more likely she’ll come while you’re fucking her. Right?

But I shouldn’t even mention penetration. Get penetration outta your mind. In fact, pretend you don’t have a dick. Pretend you’re a lesbian.

Okay, now that you got penetration out of the way, guess what her largest sexual organ is? HINT: it ain’t her pussy or her tits. It’s her BRAIN and her HEART. So, instead of stimulating her pussy, stimulate her feelings.

Stimulate Her Feelings

That means, first of all, start sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom. With your clothes on.

It’s weird, I know. But women get turned on different from us. We’re like a light switch. We see a nice ass. BAM! Okay, ready to go. Let’s get it on.

Women are more like a pot of water, though. Water doesn’t go from room temperature to boiling right away. You gotta keep it over the heat a little while. When it’s heated up, holy shit, it’s boiling. Niiiiiiice! So, spend more time making her feel good, desired, taken care of, loved, beautiful.

Drive out to the country. Go for a walk in a park. Have dinner at a romantic restaurant. Send her a text telling her you can’t wait to see her. Open the car door for her. Tell her she looks beautiful.

Here’s probably the most important part. Make her feel RELAXED and SAFE as well as make her feel BEAUTIFUL. And never EVER be judgmental. If you make her feel like shit, or like she’s undesirable and if she doesn’t feel relaxed or good around you, sex (and ESPECIALLY her orgasm) ain’t gonna happen.

To make her feel safe, first of all, be comfortable with sex yourself.

Second of all, never pass any sexual judgment.

Stay away from saying things like, “that’s weird” or “that’s gross.” No. It’s all good. You’re not afraid of sex. You’re totally comfortable with it. She’ll feel more safe to let go if you are. She knows you’re not going to laugh at her or pass judgment if her body’s shaking or she’s making those glorious sounds you hear only when she’s over the top.

When you think about it, it’s scary to let go. So, you gotta be man enough to catch her. In fact, you can even tell her, “I got you baby. I got you.”

And to make her feel relaxed, give her a massage, hold her, hug her. Put on some candles, some music, set the mood. A glass of wine doesn’t hurt either.

You ain’t going no where. You’re gonna take your time. If she doesn’t feel relaxed and safe, she’s not gonna reach the summit.

And another great tip I recently learned from author Tom Leonardi is: massage her legs, her feet,

her ass, her back. Guys rarely do this. Not only does it turn you and her on, but it goes a long way to relaxing her, too.

Finally, express yourself. Don’t be all silent. Make sounds. If you wanna yell, yell. If you wanna say “I wanna fuck you so hard,” fucking say it. If you want your dick sucked, tell her “I want you to suck my dick.” Communication doesn’t magically evaporate once you’re in bed. You MUST communicate even more when you’re IN bed.

And, let’s be honest here, what guy wants to be with a woman who’s all silent? Who wants to be with a pancake? Doesn’t it turn you on when you hear a woman making sounds of ecstasy and talking dirty? I know it does for me. And I know girls love it, too. When she hears us enjoying ourselves, it turns her on just like it turns us on. BONUS… it keeps her mind from wondering. It keeps her mind in the present moment.

Oh, and speaking of the “present moment,” making eye contact with her while you’re fucking her is AWESOME. It’s awesome, because you connect with her not just on a physical level, but on an emotional and even spiritual level, too.

So, after this largest sexual organ, guess what her second largest sexual organ is? Still not her pussy or her tits. Haha It’s her SKIN all over.

Stimulate Her Skin

Stimulate ALL of her skin.

Explore all of her body, no matter how “non-sexual.” For example, biting (LIGHTLY) the crease of her inner elbow can be a major turn on.

And speaking of biting, you don’t have to just kiss or lick. You can bite, lightly scratch, blow, suck…  It’s like you’re this artist with a palette of tools and colors to work with. But DON’T put your dick in her right away. Enjoy, man even savor, this beautiful woman right here, right now, right in front of you. It’s fucking amazing.

Foreplay isn’t separate from sex. It IS sex.

I learned these lessons from Tom Leonardi, Alex Allman, David Shade, Mirabelle Summers, Gabrielle Moore, and Ellen Eatough.