If you wanna become a PUA, let me congratulate you. Excellent choice.
Personally, it’s helped me to become more confident around women (and people in general), self-aware, and socially savvy. Not to mention I’ve met new people, and have some FANTASTIC adventures. Which is an education in itself.
In that sense, pickup isn’t just about learning to attract or “get” women. Yes, you’ll learn how to attract women. But the real destination turns out to be about knowing yourself and becoming a more excellent man for real.
So, in case you wanted to become a PUA, I wanted to share how I became one. I don’t know if it’s THE way to become a PUA. But it worked for me. Hopefully it’ll work for you, too.
Oh and by the way, if you’re curious about the haters who poo-poo on pickup, I wrote a nine-part series defending pickup called “The Myths of Pickup” (four myths, Myth #1 has 6 chapters).
You could say this article’s the conclusion of that series. Anyway, if you have any interest, feel free to check out the other parts. Just type “myths” into this blog’s search box.
Onward. Here was my path and pitfalls along the way to becoming a PUA:
Step One: Learn pickup theory… for 1-2 months MAX
But here was a mistake I made at this step.
I spent MONTHS learning theory before I hit the field. If I were to do this journey again, I’d start sooner. ‘Cause the sooner you hit the field, the sooner you’ll get this skill down.
So, that’s why I’d recommend spending maybe only one or two months TOPS of learning the theory.
And here’re some excellent places to start:
1. David DeAngelo, Double Your Dating. Quick, easy-to-read primer on the fundamentals.
2. Neil Strauss, The Game. Neil’s story of how he became a PUA. Gives you a sense of what’s possible. Super well-written too and a fun read.
3. Mystery and Lovedrop, The Mystery of Method. Overview of pickup theory. Good read after The Game ‘cause The Game refers to Mystery Method a lot. But it’s very theoretical.
4. Neil Strauss, The Rules of the Game. Great way to get you out into the field practicing. Only downfall: the book takes you as far as the number exchange, then stops. But no fear. I’m gonna give you some other great resources for that under step two.
5. Renaissan, How to Pick up Chicks in Five Simple Steps. My own ebook takes you to the kiss close. But I emphasize practice throughout: I give you scripts, pictures, and a practice plan.
After one or two months of getting the theory down, hit the field. Here’s how…
Step Two: Practice AND study theory for 8 – 10 months.
Mystery’s famous “newbie drill” is useful here. Here’s a variation of it I had used:
1) Pick three nights of the week to go out.
Do ten approaches each night. First three are warm-ups. “Hey” counts as an approach.
2) Make a commitment which days to go out:
Thursday, Friday, and Saturday are excellent choices. Go out those days no matter what for the next 8-10 months.
If you do that, you’ll rack up 30 approaches per week, and 120 approaches per month. Within 8 months you’ll have 1,000 approaches. 500 approaches will get you good. 1,000 approaches will get you towards mastery.
But the approaches have to be quality approaches. That’s where the next part of this step comes in.
3) Reflect on your approaches.
Self-reflection will ensure you’re actually improving and make you aware of what to continue doing and what to improve on next time.
Trackers come in handy here. After each night, track your ten approaches and checkmark which fundamentals you missed and which you hit.
I can’t tell you valuable this is. It’s KEY to getting better. Here’s something else that helps with the quality of your approaches…
4) Practice in the mirror.
Oh my lordy rehearsing before hitting the field helps. It’s like a comedian rehearsing before going on stage, or a musician practicing his guitar before performing.
Like Louis Pasteur says: “success favors the prepared mind.”
If you rehearse first, you’ll go into the field with your eyes open (rather than closed). Learn from the best pickup artists like Mystery and Style. They’d rehearse before hitting the field, too.
5) On your off-days, read pickup. And banter with cashiers, baristas.
Studying theory on my off-days had helped me see what I was doing well in field, and what I needed to improve on. Then when it came time for my infield days, I’d test out what I had learned while on my days off.
I recommend you doing the same thing.
But what are some good resources to study on your off-days? Here are some of my favorites:
Again, these are resources you can study on your off-days to SUPPLEMENT your practice. Theory can never take the place of real-world practice.
1. Lance Mason, Charismatic Conversation. Expensive, but helpful. Has visuals, scripts, and exercises. You’ll learn how to open, create sexual tension, and become funnier.
2. Brad P, 30/30 Club. Yearlong course. You do 30 approaches every month. Each month you get an audio that focuses on a step, like approaching, or sex skills. They have a $30/month plan if you don’t have a lot of cash.
3. Timothy Miller, How To Want What You Have. Psychologist argues that three practices—compassion, attention, and gratitude—are the keys to inner-strength and psychological health. Fantastic book. Highly recommended.
4. Anthony deMello, Awareness/Way to Love. Another highly recommended book by a Jesuit priest. Easy to read, and potentially life-changing.
5. Alex Allman, Revolutionary Sex. Excellent ebook on sex skills. His basic premise: “listening” is key to being a great lover. Kinda like listening is key to being a great conversationalist. Lots of practical tips too.
6. David Shade, Give Women Wild, Screaming Orgasms. David Shade covers techniques from the “Deep Spot” to Dirty Talk, and gives effective frames-of-mind like: “women LOVE to get fucked” and “your biggest tool in bed isn’t your tool”…
After about 8 – 10 months or 1,000 approaches (whichever comes first), it’s time to give back.
Step Three: Teach Others.
I’ve learned more from sharing what I’ve learned than in consuming theory. Teaching will not only reinforce your learning, but you’ll be helping other guys.
What are some ways to give back?
- Open a Blog: write about your experiences and what you’ve learned.
- YouTube: Make videos of your approaches and what you’ve learned. This is something I’d like to do more of myself.
- Teaching: Apply to a legitimate pickup company and teach with them.
- eBook: Write your own ebook, and give it away for free or even sell an inexpensive version.
In the End
Not only will you have changed your life, but you can become part of a larger movement that helps guys to find their masculinity again, and to become more excellent men who attract women naturally.