What A Woman Thinks When You Approach Her


Bossymoksie giving the bird

I found this comment… by a woman who goes by “Bossymoksie“… on a March 7, 2013 post from SocialKenny’s Blog.

It’s about what a woman is thinking when you approach her. She’s thinking:

“Who is this guy? What does he want? And how long am I stuck with him for?” -lol, that’s exactly what we think. May I add the question “What is he going to offer me?” I know not all woman may think this right away, but I do think this is why you have to demonstrate high social value, so she thinks you are a valuable person in the world.

Nice. I learned a lot from that comment, so I wanted to share it with you, too.

Let’s break it down real quickly.

When we first approach a woman, we’ve gotta answer these questions:

  • Who is this guy?
  • What does he want?
  • How long am I stuck with him for?
  • What is he going to offer me?

or else she’s not going to hear a word of what we’re saying.

Luckily, those legendary pickup artists, Style and Mystery, discovered the tools that answer these questions right off the bat. That’s probably why they were such approach masters.

Here are the techniques they invented:

  • The “root” (reason for why you’re talking with her) answers… “What does he want?”
  • The “false time constraint” (I’m on my way out/I’m not going to be here forever) answers… “How long am I stuck with him for?”
  • DHV (self-disclosure) answers… “Who is this guy” and “What is he going to offer me?”

I also loved what she said about “what is he going to offer me?”

Soooo true!

Obviously, we know what’s in it for us if we get with this hot chick.

Well, what’s in it for her if she gets with us? That’s why we’ve gotta give her value IMMEDIATELY.

Enter the DHV.

The DHV is all about HER self-interest.

It’s NOT about you or showing off how great you are. It’s about putting an eager want inside of her… for you.

It’s like if you were to go fishing, putting a worm at the end of a hook instead of a slice of pizza. You might like pizza, but fish like worms. So, you bait the fish with worms (its self-interest) not pizza (your self-interest).

Likewise, there are certain things that attract women that don’t necessarily attract us guys. Understanding what those are and giving them to her IMMEDIATELY ignites an eager want in her. That’s what DHV is all about.

(If you’re curious what those things are that attract women more than us guys, check out my article “5 Attraction Switches” , if you’d like. It’s SUPER helpful to know about them.)

Here’s another reason DHV answers her question “what’s he going to offer me”:

It gives her something of USE. You give her a little gift right off the bat.

For example, if you share a personality test with her, she gets to learn something cool about herself. She’s smiling. Who IS this guy, she might be saying to herself. Thumbs up.

Or, if you share a funny story with her, she gets to laugh and “feel good.” Can you say “Hell, yeah”?

By the way, speaking of “feeling good,” I’ve found an even MORE effective way of answering all these questions right off the bat than the three techniques I just listed above.

And that’s banter.

If you play fight with her… starting with THE SECOND SENTENCE OUT OF YOUR MOUTH (“The Second Sentence Rule”)… in a way where you’re dominant and she’s cute… not only does it make her laugh, but it creates sexual tension.

Mmmmmmmm. Delicious.

And we all know what women say about laughter. How much they hate it and they never look for it in a guy.

Um, yeah right.

My article “Flirting” goes into how exactly to banter in a lot of detail.  Again, check it out if you’d like.

Banter is THE key to creating attraction right off the bat. Hands down. Not to sound overly dramatic or anything, but learning that skill changed my life. And I’m not even kidding.

Anyway, keep in mind those questions that Bossymoksie shared with us when guys approach her! Invaluable, invaluable, invaluable. Answer those questions and… hello awesome approach, nice to know you (read: put her at ease). Things from there are cake.

Thanks Bossymoksie for sharing that little pice of gold with us.

14 thoughts on “What A Woman Thinks When You Approach Her

  1. bossymoksie

    You’re welcome.
    Girls look at how they feel when they are around you, the experience of it. If it’s a good one, she’ll want more. Nice tips!

  2. renaissan

    Another FANTASTIC insight. We guys get attracted more by the outer appearance, waist to hip ratio, symmetry, ass, tits and all that. Women seem more attracted by how they feel around a guy, the experience of it. Again, blown away by this insight, how simple it is yet how it cuts through all the bullshit. Thanks again!

  3. Introverted Playboy

    Simple, fundamental truths here. The best insights are always the most simple. It’s all about giving value instead of taking value. Most guys go up to a woman and they have a value-taking frame (which comes from a scarcity mindset). But when you’re there just to express yourself, give value, with an abundance mindset, and no hidden mission or “need” that has to be fulfilled, women love that. The difference between outcome independence and outcome dependence.

  4. renaissan

    Excellent point. And it’s almost paradoxical. Honest-to-God don’t care about “getting” the girl… and that’s when you attract her. Enter the neg. It communicates “I’m not after you. I’m just a friendly guy who enjoys meeting new people.”

    Although this “abundance mindset” you talk about (by the way, I really like that term “abundance”) is important, it’s easier to say this than actually do it. Especially since you could say a pickup artist is like a comedian who has to get on stage night after night and be “on.” A comedian wants to get those laughs, but.. like you said… he has to focus on entertaining himself first/making himself laugh rather than “trying” to get those laughs. When he makes himself laugh first, that’s when he’s truly funny.

    This idea is also spiritual. I’ve came across this idea in both the Tao Te Ching (wu-wei… action through effortlessness/not “trying” too hard) and in the Bhagavad-Gita (detach yourself from the fruits). It’s an idea I’m still attempting practice myself, and I definitely have a lot of work to do. So, it’s something I don’t think happens over night…

    But it’s such a great point! And something all us pickup artists… and human beings… must strive for. Let go of the “gold star.” Thanks so much for commenting.

    1. Introverted Playboy

      Definitely, my pleasure. And yes, some of that meditation stuff inspired by a lot of Eastern thought has definitely impacted my game and the way I function with women and in general. It’s something a lot of mainstream PUAs don’t really talk about (although I did see Tyler of RSD talk about it briefly once in a seminar), but it can really take your results to another level, not just with dating and meeting chicks but in life.

  5. Introverted Playboy

    BTW did you leave a comment on my blog earlier? I think a glitch may have deleted it by mistake (marked it as spam or something), try again if you get a chance, thanks man. (Sorry for the mistake)

    1. renaissan

      I did try leaving a comment earlier. Luckily I had the comment saved on my “clipboard.” I tried leaving the message again, but still no luck. Here’s what I was trying to post:

      So true that being more decisive makes you more of a leader. And just like how a woman loves to follow a strong lead in a dance, being decisive and a leader does WONDERS in attracting women.

      I love how you talk about being more decisive for guys who are introverted. I myself introverted. And I love your solution: we can train our instincts…

      …Another case for why it’s so important to practice. It’s the only way to actually become more successful with women. Great post.

    1. renaissan

      Awesome! I agree. Rarely do us guys think about what it’s like to be approached from a woman’s point of view. Understanding where she’s coming from can make an approach go that much better. Thanks for the great comment, man.


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