Choose an identity that will make you successful with women
Every single guy has the ability to be successful with women. It’s not that some guys have it and other guys don’t. There’s no gene for success with women. ALL of us guys have it within us. We all have the masculinity that women love.
So what’s in the way of our success?
Well, there’s inner-game issues and outer-game issues.
Outer-game is about all the skills. That’s important. No doubt.
But without the right IDENTITY, or inner-game, all the skills in the world will be little better than a band-aid. Outer-game heals only the surface. But what you believe about yourself, your IDENTITY, will determine your success from the inside out.
Identity is really only a label. Be careful of the labels you put on yourself and the labels other people try to put on you. Give yourself a label that will make you more successful with women. Guess what? Your behavior will become consistent with that label.
Here’s another way of putting it.
People think they can change their behavior.
A smoker tries to quit, an obese person tries to eat less. And they fail. Why?
You can NEVER change your behavior. You have to change your identity first. Change the way you think of yourself. A smoker has to eliminate the label “smoker.” An obese person has to stop thinking of himself as someone who’s “fat.” Change the label first, even if you don’t see it yet, and the behavior will follow. Labels are like a self-fulfilling prophesy.
So, if you think of yourself as someone who’ll never be successful with women, you’ll act like that. But if you change the label and identify yourself with someone who’s irresistible to women, you’ll act more successful with women.
Change your identity first.
Decide who you want to become. And don’t “become” that person. BE that person RIGHT NOW! Now’s the time. Not later, but right now.
Speak, feel, act like a man who’s successful with women.
Now, you might hear a lot of people laugh at you and say no you “can’t” and reinforce those negative labels on you. The closest people in your life, your family and friends, will say these things to you. They’ve known you a certain way and have pigeon-holed you a certain way and they’ll resist your change.
Don’t let them.
YOU define who you are. YOU judge yourself. YOU get to determine whoever the hell you are and what you want. PERIOD.
And if you screw up along the way and get rejected by women, it’s okay. Just don’t let the screwup define you. You can screw up, but don’t be a “screwup.” You can do something stupid, but it doesn’t mean you’re “stupid.” You can do something terrible, but it doesn’t mean you’re a “terrible person.”
If you start to think you’re a “terrible person,” you’ll probably start doing more terrible things. Because that’s your identity. Do you think correctional institutions really correct behavior, or do they just reinforce a person’s identity as a “terrible person”? Don’t get me started. That’s a whole other story.
The point is, the mistakes you make aren’t your identity. It’s not permanent.
Some labels are beneficial, though. If that label or identity that brings you confidence and freedom, it will help you rather than hinder you. If you make your identity one that’s confident and one who knows how to make women feel wonderful… Your brain will figure out ways to make this come true.
So, be actively aware of any deep-seated beliefs about yourself that might be holding you back. So many of us are unconscious of the beliefs that don’t help us. Then ask who you really are at your deepest level. What is that spark in you, that divine flame, that’s been smothered? That’s who you really are.
Once you figure out who you truly are, FUSE with that identity. Step into the body of a man who’s successful with women. And emulate him. You get to decide. The rest is history.
This picture is THE secret to success with women. Don’t make your woman #1. Find your mission in life. Make this #1. Don’t make intimacy your priority. Make it your purpose. She’ll guard the intimacy.
Mary Jane wants Spiderman to stay. She’s sad he’s gotta leave for “war” and be a superhero. She tells him all the time, “please don’t go.” He goes anyway. You can tell how disappointed she is.
But can you imagine if Spiderman said, “Actually you’re right. I won’t go. You’re more important than protecting humankind. You’re the most important thing in my life. Who cares if I’m needed. I’m staying here with you.” She might be glad, but she’d probably also feel let down.
You’ll hear a woman say she wants you to make her #1. The irony is she’ll love and admire you more if she’s not. If you make your woman your priority, she’ll feel like you’re dependent on her for your happiness. She’ll feel smothered. She’ll feel she doesn’t really have a man.
I don’t think she would ever admit she doesn’t want to be number one. She’ll complain she wants more of you. But what she really wants is for you to be dedicated to your purpose–and to also love her fully.
You have a gift to give to the world, everyone does. Don’t submit to your woman and kiss her ass. Discover your gift and purpose. Despite her pleas to the contrary, make giving your deepest gift to the world your priority.
I’ve gotta give credit where credit it due. I learned this insight from David Deida. And it changed my life.
We’ll inevitably get this question. “Does this make me look fat?” How do you respond? If you say no, the danger is you enter “supplicating” land. Obviously never ever tell her she looks fat. The best response is to agree… jokingly. “Yeah… I wasn’t going to say anything.” She’ll hit you on the arm. That’s a good thing. Hehe
Yes, to hold a woman that looks like this is every man’s fantasy. But there’s a great lesson here, too. See how Mary-Jane just relaxes and surrenders in Spidey’s arms? Women yearn for this. See how Spidey is like a rock? Solid, strong, still, protective. That’s the role we want to play with women. When we’re strong and able to steer the course of things, whether sexually, financially, emotionally, spiritually, it allows her to let go and relax.
When you don’t want her, she wants you. When you want her, she doesn’t want you.
Simple as that.
Sounds harsh, I know. But it’s the way things are.
And by the way, this applies to when you FIRST want to attract a woman. Things change a bit when you get into a relationship–although it’s good to still sprinkle the “spice” of game into a relationship.
So, let me explain… because it does sounds kinda harsh. I know. I mean can’t you just be nice and not have to play games? I wish.
Women go to clubs, and they put a lot of effort in looking EXTREMELY hot.
But they reject guys over and over again. What’s up with that? Some women do it as a sort of “bitch shield.” Others do it to feed their egos. It’s as if the more they reject us, the hotter they feel.
Either way, don’t play into their trap. Knock her off the pedestal instead.
The HOTTEST women hear compliments all the time, so stay away from that kind of crap–unless it’s honest-to-God a truthful and sincere statement. Just be warned… if she can have you, she won’t want you.
Now, let me ask you something else. What do women want?
For the record, I don’t know. But the great philosopher Cindy Lauper may have given us a clue. “Girls just wanna have fun.” Instead of compliments, make her laugh by giving her a little attitude. Playfully of course.
It’s funny because we guys HATE it when girls give us attitude. Girls LOVE it when we give them attitude.
I don’t get it, I just know it works.
Maybe if you imagine yourself as the hottest woman it kinda makes sense.
Imagine you get approached by guys ten to thirty times a day with either a look or a proposition or a compliment about how beautiful you are. At first it might be kind of cool, but after hearing the same thing over and over and over again, it probably gets old FAST. Annoying, even.
Now, imagine after hearing the same compliments and propositions some guy walks up to you and gives you a little playful shit instead. It’d probably get your attention, right?
It’s counter-intuitive. You’d think being nice and buying her drinks would attract her. But it doesn’t. It doesn’t spark anything. It’s as if you walk in a store and are handed a fish for free versus going fishing and struggling to reel one in. Wouldn’t you say it’s the STRUGGLE that makes fishing fun?
Learn from how girls brush us off. And do it to them.
Girls can be heartless. I’m sure you’ve been there, I know I have. You be nice and you get squashed. They reject us ALL the time.
Either way… it’s time for guys to start acting like guys again. Don’t be a pussy when it comes to women. We think it’s wrong to give her a little attitude. It’s not. A little attitude sparks attraction. If she demands you buy her a drink, say NO! Ask her to buy YOU a drink. You don’t have to be nice and perfect. Be raw. It’s okay to be a guy.
Buuuuut… DON’T squash her. Don’t be mean. Do it to make her laugh. Do it to give her what she wants. A challenge.
ALL of us humans love challenge. It sharpens our edge.
And that’s what game is all about. Being a challenge. Brush her off… playfully, respectfully. Turn the tables on her for once. Rebuff HER. It’s like catnip for women. And for us it’s fun. Like a game.
In the first clip, watch Mystery walk away from the women. Voila! He draws them in…
Wanna know how to give a woman a compliment the proper way? Compliment yourself.
Let’s say she has nice eyes. You might say something like this. “You’ve got nice eyes. They’re almost as nice as mine.”
That’s how you give a girl a compliment.
Here’s the rationale. A hot chick in a club or bar has been complimented and told she’s beautiful so many times, it doesn’t even mean anything.
It smells like you’re kissing her ass so you can get into her pants. Be different. Stay away from compliments. Compliment yourself.
When you get her into bed THEN compliment her. Tell her how beautiful her pussy is. Or how great she tastes. When you’re fucking her it’s a good thing to tell her how hot she looks. That’s the best time to compliment her.
If you MUST compliment her before you’ve gotten her into bed–here’s a few tips.
TIP #1. Make sure she’s earned it. First, qualify her. “What’ve you got going for you besides your looks?” If you genuinely like what you hear, THEN you can compliment her. “Damn, you seem cool. I wanna get to know you better.” She’s earned the compliment. It’s not even a compliment. It’s a statement of truth.
TIP #2. Make the compliment insightful. “Nice earrings” is lame. “I like the way the blue in the earrings matches your eyes. It looks like a Native American style.” Better. There’s details and specifics. If it’s insightful, it’s more honest.
TIP #3. Add something negative to the compliment. “You’re special… in that short bus to school sort of way.” “You’re everything I never wanted.” “You’re the most awesomest girl I’ve met… in the last 30 seconds.” “Check this girl out. She’s amazing and so bright and funny. Would you believe she’s never had a date?”
Actually this isn’t a compliment. It’s a diss. You pretend you give her a compliment, then take it away at the last moment. But it’s fuuuuun! Haha
Anyway, show appreciation to your woman only if it’s SINCERE–not to “get” her approval–but like you’re stating a truth, making an observation. And of course compliment her during sex, and during a relationship. But when you FIRST meet her, as a rule of thumb, don’t compliment her. It can smell of an ulterior motive. Compliment yourself.
Let me ask you this. What causes goose bumps? Shivers? A chill down your spine? What about that feeling you get that makes you want to fuck, especially when you see a nice ass like this?
Credit: nylonfoxie.com
It’s been called chi in China, ki in Japan, prana in India, kundalini in yoga, but it’s all energy.
Sexual Energy Credit: wikipedia
Our life force. Leaves our body when we die. Pervades the universe. Einstein: equals matter times the speed of light squared. Makes us feel sexual. Energy from the genitals makes us feel sexual. Feels like a light in our bodies. You can tune into it.
You can tune into hers, too. You can feel what she’s feeling.
When your fingers touch her skin, or the inside of her pussy, feel her pleasure. Imagine her sexual energy going from her body into your hand. Touch SLOWLY, just the hairs on her skin and feel what she’s feeling.
You can use other body parts, too. Chest, cheek, lips, forearm, shoulder, hair, chin, ear, knee, ass, feet, tongue, breath…
Whatever way you touch her, feel what she’s feeling in your body. Follow her cues. You’ll know where to go and what to do next. You’re not just giving her pleasure, but taking it in too.
You won’t be bored. Won’t be distracted. Won’t have to accomplish anything. “I have to make her orgasm.” Nah. Just enjoying the pleasure. Enjoying this woman right here, right now, in front of you. Enjoying feeling what she’s feeling.
This comes from “Bare: The Naked Truth About Stripping,” by Elisabeth Eaves.
Listen to what she says about how it might feel like to get picked up… from a woman’s point of view.
…occasionally strangers started to talk to me for no apparent reason… my usual reaction was embarrassment for having drawn attention and annoyance that my daydreaming or reading had been interrupted…
…I didn’t understand his attention. I still thought myself invisible to the world of strangers and adults…
The next year… I started to put things together…
…I broke into a jog because I was running late and wanted to get to the school where my friends would be.
A carful of boys suddenly came careening around the bend… As it passed a young man with shaggy hair bellowed out the window: “Fabulous set of tah-tahs, baby!”
I slowed to a walk and looked behind me, trying to fathom whom he was talking to, but there was no one else around. I realized, slowly, that it must have been me. I kept walking up toward the school, thinking about what he had said. I had never heard the term “tah-tahs” before. It sounded like a stupid, babyish word… But I knew instinctively what he was talking about…
Before then I had thought that effort or at least some sort of consciousness on my part might lead to sexual attention. Now I realized that I–my head, that is, my brain, my thoughts–had nothing to do with it. I looked down at my white turtleneck and pink jeans and saw my body in a new light. It was an object of interest to others that was entirely independent from who I was. And now my body became a new kind of object of interest to me. I had done nothing to achieve it. I couldn’t escape it. Yet it had clearly made those boys–or were they grown men?–behave the way they had. I felt like a child who had been handed a heavy sword and told to learn how to use it before she cut off her foot. Some time after the car had gone by, when I had put this all together, I laughed with a mixture of flattered pride and disbelief.
The incident… united my internal and external sexual worlds. I was familiar, after all, with sex, in the sense you can be familiar with anything you read about in a book… I thought about sex frequently… and I masturbated often. But up until the day at the bus stop I had not connected what went on in my head with tangible experience. Having sex was a goal, but in the abstract, in the same way I thought I might someday be a lawyer. I had assumed there were many hurdles between me and it. I had not yet discerned the link between my private thoughts and the way others saw me. And then suddenly it became clear that there were no hurdles at all. Sex was there for the taking. It was up to me.
It was a revelation… boys were now sexually available to me… I started to become dimly aware of an unwritten sexual rule book. I was stunned when I discovered that boys and girls were expected to behave differently. It violated my sense of fair play.
Here’s some things I took away from this.
1. Beauty is superficial. Don’t be interested in a woman just because she was dealt a good pair of cards. Be interested in her person. Let her earn your interest. Ways to do this: Qualify her. Neg/Banter with her.
2. This woman was shocked to learn that she didn’t have to work to get sex. All she had to do was look good. Be different. Desire her if she has a brain or a positive outlook, not just because she looks good.
3. Women are as sexual and horny (if not more) than us. She wants sex. There’s outdated, unwritten rules that makes it more difficult for women to be as sexually free as us. Don’t play by those unwritten rules. Let the sexual animal in her come out to play.
4. Oh, and it probably does feel like an interruption when we talk to her. That’s okay. Have an interesting topic of conversation prepared. You could also call this “DHV.” If she seems cool, let your interest be known based on that, and invite her out.
“You looked kinda cool, so I had to come over and say hi.”
OR
“I’ve got this rule that whenever I see someone attractive, I’ve gotta come over and say hi.”
Your body isn’t directly facing theirs. Your body faces away from them. Legs reveal what the mind wants to do.
“Mark sat there with his legs wide apart, stroking his tie and massaging the saltshaker. He hadn’t noticed that, for the past twenty minutes, her legs had been crossed away from him and pointing toward the nearest exit.” Credit: The Definitive Book of Body Language, Allan & Barbara Pease
It also makes them feel not trapped, but comfortable–you’re not going to be there forever.
Her reaction: Smiles.
STEP TWO: BANTER (NEG)
Tap on the arm and step back.
“Hey quit looking at my chest. My eyes are up here! Jeez. All you girls think about is one thing.”
Her Reaction: Laughs.
STEP THREE: APPRECIATE
“You guys seem cool. You don’t mind a complete stranger coming up to you and saying crazy stuff.”
Her Reaction: Yes, we’re cool talking with strangers.
STEP FOUR: SELF-DISCLOSURE (DHV)
“My passion in life is writing, and I can’t think of a better way to have material to write about than meeting new people.”
Her Reaction: Agreement.
STEP FIVE: QUALIFY
“How about you? What are you passionate about?”
Her Reaction: You’ll be surprised how few people know what they’re passionate about. I’ll help by saying something like:
“Well, what’s something you really enjoyed doing when you were like seven?”
OR
“What’s something you love doing and you just totally lose track of time, like you could do forever?”
Her Reaction: Thinks, then figures something out.
Converse on this for a bit. Style’s “Eliciting Values” works great here too.
STEP SIX: STATEMENT OF INTEREST & CLOSE
“Are you single? You seem really cool and I’d love to continue this conversation.”
OR
“Okay, I’m totally making you my new girlfriend. We’re gonna go to Vegas tomorrow and get married by Elvis. You can wear a Catwoman costume, and I’ll be Batman. It’ll be awesome. Are you single? We should totally hang out. When are you free?”
Make a date there and then. It avoids phone tag later.
STEP SEVEN: CREATE AN EMOTIONAL CONNECTION
Once you’re alone with her, find commonalities or play a fun game like The Cube or The Question Game. Deepen the mutual self-disclosure. Open up. She’ll follow your lead.
STEP EIGHT: PHYSICAL ESCALATION
Brush a hair from her face. Slow your breathing and blinking. If she’s cool with you brushing a hair from her face, she’ll be cool with you kissing her. Keep the first kiss light and short. Not too much tongue. ALWAYS pull away first. Leave her wanting more.
STEP NINE: EXTRACT TO SEDUCTION LOCATION
Invite her up for something unrelated to sex, like you want to play her a cool song, or show her a cool movie. Take 5 or 10 minutes to smell her without kissing her. During foreplay, don’t go straight for her pussy or tits. Take two steps forward, one step back. Keep pulling away. It builds sexual tension.
You don’t have to use the exact words I use. But the underlying structure works. Each step corresponds to each of the 3 things you need to fall in love. Namely:
1. Banter… creates sexual tension.
2. Self-disclose… mutual self-disclosure, part 1 (you disclose)
3. Qualify the target… mutual self-disclosure, part 2 (she discloses)
4. State your interest in the target and close the deal… she feels liked not for her looks, but for who she is.
In my previous post, I suggested we must approach a woman by giving. This scene below shows exactly what I mean.
Also, this scene shows how foreplay IS sex. There’s no difference between picking up women and satisfying them. Picking up a woman is foreplay. This scene shows this idea, too. The way Don Juan picks her up is the way he satisfies her.
Notice these excellent fundamentals in his approach:
He smiles before uttering a word.
Before he speaks, he lets the woman check him out. If you speak before letting people check you out, they won’t be able to hear what you’re saying. They need to size you up first.
He gives a false time constraint: “I will not linger.” If you sit down with someone, they’ll immediately wonder how long you’ll be here. Put them at ease. Let them know you won’t stay long.
He immediately self-discloses. He tells her who he is.
He sparks sexual tension by telling her what he can do for her. It’s about her.
He touches her within minutes.
The way he speaks: with feeling, subtlety, appreciation, sincerity. You can tell how much he is in love with women. And he just sucks her into his world as a result.
He never states why he’s there. It’s understood. But it’s not about “me” or “taking.” He wants her, but he also wants to give something of value to her. He demonstrates his value in terms of her.
He’s unafraid of sex. In fact, he confidently leads her to sex. But he leads her in a way that sparks HER desires (his desire is there, but it’s not about my desires alone).
And when he’s in bed, he uses that same kind of being-in-tuned with her, enjoying every inch of her, bringing her deepest pleasure out from within her (not just sticking his dick in her). It’s an art. Nothing else exists. Time stands still. The self is gone. Complete and total care. Bliss. Listen to his words…
Every woman is a mystery to be solved. Her skin color can tell us how to proceed. But a woman holds nothing from a true lover. Her hue, like the blush of a rose, pink and pale, she must be coaxed to open her petals with a warmth like the sun. It calls for the lust of a whale crashing to the shore, so we may steal up what lies beneath, and bring the foamy delight of love to the surface.
Although there is no metaphor that truly describes making love to a woman. The closest is playing a rare musical instrument. I wonder, does the Stradivarius violin feel the same rapture as the violinist when he coaxes his single perfect note from its heart?
Every true lover knows the moment of greatest satisfaction comes when ecstasy is long over. And he beholds before him the flower that has blossomed beneath his touch.
Yep. Scary. Less scary if you know what to say, though. Photo Credit: www.collegecandy.com
What do you say? How do you avoid rejection?
The short answer is… talk about stuff she’d want to talk about.
Check out this story from Mystery.
PART ONE: Initiate an Interesting Topic of Conversation
Louie and Mystery are in a buffet restaurant eating, and 3 girls are eating at a table inconveniently 30 feet away from them.
So, they get some food and discuss a WAY IN. Louie comes up with an “ON THE FLY OPENER.”
He goes in and crash and burns. But, hey, we all gotta go through the pain of losing to start LEARNING and getting good. Right? And we can learn something from what he did.
So, this is what he did.
He carries some cookies to the girls and says:
Louie: Do you have any idea how I can secretly sneak out 16 cookies from this place without getting caught?
Girl #1: Put them in your hood.
Louie: I could do that by throwing them into the air and catching them… cha ching!
Have no idea what that means, but points for being kinda unique.
Then he fucks it up by sitting with them. This makes the girls feel invaded and uncomfortable, because… and here’s the key… he had not yet initiated an interesting topic of conversation, so that they would WANT him there.
But hey, the dude TRIED. Major points for that.
Again, he failed to initiate an INTERESTING TOPIC OF CONVERSATION. Lesson: Before approaching chicks, have an interesting topic of conversation ready to engage them.
Okay, fine. What exactly is an “INTERESTING” topic of conversation?
Excellent question.
PART TWO: Talk about stuff SHE’D like to talk about
People don’t care about what you want. People care about what THEY want.
Don’t worry about getting her to like you. See something good about her, and point this out. Like her first. Talk about her favorite subject. HER.
Think in terms of her point of view, and talk about things from this angle.
The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. Rare is the guy who approaches a woman and talks in terms of THEM, and gives them FEELING GOOD. This guy is so rare, that he’ll stand out. She’ll stop, and take notice.
By talking in terms in her, you’ll arouse in her a want. She’ll want to talk.
Also, being enthusiastic arouses a want in others to talk as well. People connect with that emotion. That’s a cool emotion to connect with, especially for a woman you’d like to get to know better.
Henry Ford:
“If there’s any one secret to success it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle, as well as from your own.”
1. Talk about stuff that SHE’D like to talk about.
2. Be enthusiastic and fascinated. She’ll enjoy talking with you because of how you make her FEEL.
3. Share some insight into who she is. All of us humans enjoy learning, especially if it gives us some insight into who we are.
Talk in terms of her. You’ll arouse in her a want. That’s all you need.
PART THREE: Chick Crack
Here’s some possible topics you can open with.
By the way, this is why Style’s and Mystery’s routines work so well. They were based on the principle of TALKING IN TERMS OF HER.
You only have to pick one or two topics below.
I. Self-Disclose
A. Your Passion
My most successful conversation starter was telling a girl straight out that my passion is writing. Benefits: a) She knows who she’s talking with. b) Passion is a feeling everyone can relate to. c) Afterwards, I get to ask what HER passion is. This is what I really care about. I wanna know who this chick is.
B. A Funny or Embarrassing Story
Cosmo has an entire column called “Confessions,” which is all about embarrassing moments. What does that tell you? A funny embarrassing story makes her laugh, and shows your human side. (examples: “The W,” “Two Girls Fighting Outside”)
C. Enthusiastic News that would excite HER
Article you just read that’s girl-relevant… maybe a new take on cheating, or how girls think
Great thing that just happened to you… maybe you just got promoted
Cool movie or concert you just saw… maybe you just saw Avengers
Cool fact or discovery (like of Google Earth) that totally FASCINATED you
II. “Who You Are” Tests
(Shed some insight about who she is. And actually learn about her.)
A. Shorter Tests. First 2 minutes to “hook” the girl.
Make Observations about Her (“The Rings Routine” or “Best Friend’s Test” are examples and even Style’s “Eliciting Values” works here)
How Her… and Everyone else’s… Mind Works/NLP Discoveries (“Eye Accessing Cues” or Ross Jeffries’ “Blammo” pattern are examples)
Astrology (Ask “what’s your sign.” Have some knowledge about astrology.)
B. Longer Tests. After you’ve “hooked” her (to build comfort and rapport).
Palmistry (Brad P’s Palmistry Joke is great here. If you’ve got the patience to actually learn this stuff, good luck haha)
Handwriting Analysis, Tarot Card Reading
Others: The Cube, The 4 Question Psychological Test, Mystery’s “The Question Game,” Style’s “Secret Self”
III. Girl-Relevant Topics
A. Relationships
especially if there’s a lot of drama. Get a female perspective.
B. “Cute” stuff, like Animals and Children
Women when they see something small and cute always say: “That’s sooooooo cute!” I don’t understand it. I just go with it.
C. The Unknown
Magic, ghosts, the occult, the spiritual. Who isn’t FASCINATED by a little mystery?
D. Fashion
Tip: if you compliment her on her fashion, be specific. Insight is the difference between a generic compliment and a genuine one. Asking her for fashion advice works too.
E. Trends
Reality TV (i.e. The Bachelor or American Idol), celebrity gossip, pop-culture (movies, music).
So, those are some topics that might be interesting to HER.
PART FOUR: Before and After Starting a Conversation and “The Initial Benefit Statement”
BEFORE you initiate a topic of conversation, NEG HER.
For example you could say something as simple as, “I can already tell, you and I are NOT going to get along.” Laughter breaks the ice. But this special kind of FLIRTATIOUS laughter, creates all-important sexual tension. I’ve got more on this in my article “Flirting.”
AFTER initiating an interesting topic of conversation, ASK ABOUT HER.
This is so important. Don’t be the dancing monkey. Qualify her. It avoids you getting stuck, and moves the conversation forward.
Then when she answers your question, STATE YOUR INTEREST in her. Now she knows why you’re there. And close the deal. Easy cheesy.
Bythe way, what do the topics I listed above have in common?
They’re emotional. I mean you don’t have to exactly debate passion. That’d be ridiculous. It’s not factual or intellectual. It’s emotional.
And they have to do with HER. That’s exactly my point.
Instead of trying to “get” her, you’re “giving” value to her.
It’s like you’re saying, “Hey, here’s feeling good.” She can take it or leave it. You don’t care, you just wanted to spread some good feelings. Nice.
We usually think in terms of “me.” What I want. Wouldn’t you say it’s hard to bridge the gap to another person that way? Why not then think in terms of them? What they want. Imagine yourself in their shoes.
In sales, there’s something called the “Initial Benefit Statement.” It’s all about how you BENEFIT them. When you approach a prospective client, you must tell them
1. WHO YOU ARE
2. WHY YOU’RE THERE
3. WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THEM
Do the SAME THING when starting conversations with women.
When you
1. NEG (MAKE HER LAUGH) = WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THEM
2. DHV (INITIATE AN INTERESTING TOPIC OF CONVERSATION) = WHO YOU ARE
3. QUALIFY (ASK ABOUT HER AFTERWARDS) = WHY YOU’RE THERE
she’s enjoying herself, because really it’s all about her. She knows who she’s talking with. Then when you state your interest in her, she knows why you’re there.
So, have an interesting topic of discussion ready before you approach a girl. Talk in terms of her. Who cares about “getting”? Just give.
Ahhhhhh. The ice has melted. You didn’t try to “get” her. You were just giving to her. Photo Credit: http://9ja-dejavu.blogspot.com/2012/03/signs-that-she-is-into-you.html
One night, I watched her at the window in her sleep. I noticed for the first time, how a woman’s underclothes barely touches her skin. How it rides on a cushion of air as she moves. How the silk floats about her body, brushing her flesh like an angel’s wings, and I understood how a woman must be touched.
