Sex Tips, Part 5: Licking The Love Button


1. Start slow.

2. Explore her whole pussy first.

clitoris and vagina

Don’t dive into the clitoris right away. Explore her whole vagina first.

Warm her up. Kiss her thighs. Let her feel anticipation and sexual tension. In other words, stimulate her feelings. Her clit is just an appendage.

3. Show you’re excited about going down on her. SHE’LL get excited. No being mechanic about it. Eat with GUSTO. “I love the way you taste.” “Mmmm.” “You have such a gorgeous pussy.” “Fuck! This turns me on so much.” By the way, she’ll be able to tell if you mean it or not. So, mean it. The point is to stimulate her feelings. That’s her biggest sex organ.

4. Lick the clit INdirectly.


The clit is like the head of our penis… except there are even MORE nerve endings. Something like 8,000. A little trivia: the upper right quadrant is the most sensitive part.

It’s so sensitive, it can’t always take direct stimulation. Here’s some ideas how to lick INDIRECTLY.

  • circles around the clit
  • lick skin over it
  • suck her clit
  • sandwich clit between labia, move around in a circular motion

Hell yeah!

5. When you find a rhythm she likes, stick to it. Don’t switch speeds or strokes. It’s too erratic and breaks her concentration. I know, you’d think the variety helps. It doesn’t. You want STEADY. The same rhythm over and over. The repetition lets the sexual pleasure build higher and higher and higher in her… until she explodes.

>>> NOTE: If you’re doing all this, the only other thing in the way of her exploding might be her mind. Sometimes her thoughts can get in the way. See? I told you her mind (or feelings) is her most important sex organ. Help her to calm her mind, and relax. That way she can focus on the now and explode. Here are some ideas:

6. Be relaxed yourself. She can pick up on how you feel. If you’re relaxed and enjoying yourself, she can relax and enjoy herself.

7. STOP in the middle of licking her. Seriously. Feel her tits, kiss her. Keeps that human-to-human, emotional connection. And the break might help take a little pressure off her. Then continue where you left off. Added bonus: keeps her guessing what you’re gonna do next. Anticipation and sexual tension baby!

8. Sometimes she gets self-conscious that it’s taking her awhile. Assure her it’s totally normal to take a while, and you ENJOY doing this. It’s not just about pleasing her. You actually LIKE doing this for your own pleasure.

While we’re on the subject, give a woman AT LEAST 15 minutes. Could take shorter, could take longer. Could take shorter if she’s already WAY turned on before you start licking her. Longer if she wasn’t as warmed up yet. Either way, make yourself comfortable. You’re not going anywhere. Enjoy the meal. It’s like boiling a pot of water. It takes a while, but when it boils… watch out.

9. Multitask. Feel her tits while you’re licking her. Doubles the sensations, yes. But also, stimulating her above the waist… shows you’re making love to her as a human being rather than just a clit. Again, adds that emotional element. Keeps her mind on the present moment, feeling the pleasure.

10. After you’ve licked her for a while and gotten her wet… Finger her G-spot.

G spot

Go past the rough part just a little bit. You’ll know when you’ve found it. It can take more pressure than the clit.

Talk about doubling the sensation and keeping her mind on the pleasure. There’s a reason why the rabbit vibrator is so popular. It stimulates her clit and G-spot at the same time.

rabbit vibrator

The “Rabbit.” It stimulates her G-spot and clitoris at the same time. We can learn from the Rabbit.

We’re better than the rabbit, though, and here’s why. Our tongues have a natural wetness that  feels great on her clit. I learned that from my girl, and it was a revelation to me.

And, of course, the human-to-human emotional connection. Can’t get it from a machine. That’s why when you lick her clit, don’t do it like a machine. Make sure to stimulate her mind and feelings, too.

In fact, her feelings and her mind… enjoying yourself, making her feel relaxed and desired… that’s the most important thing to stimulate. Maybe even more than her clit.

55 thoughts on “Sex Tips, Part 5: Licking The Love Button

  1. varun

    if we caress around her neck then it enhances the pleasure along with clitoris , nipple and g- pot stimulation..

  2. bgallax

    Am speechless brotha…this is excellent,great lesson can’t wait to turn on women.

    1. renaissan

      Hahaha! Thanks my man. Appreciate the kind words. Definitely have fun using these tips on your next women. ‘Cause it’s a blast… both for her and for the guy using them.

  3. Johnny

    Would you recommend a couple of pre-drinks just to get her more relaxed? She’s enjoys it a lot but I can tell that she’s mentally tensed up about it. It may relax her but it may feel less erotic as well? What should I do to make her more comfortable?

    1. renaissan

      A couple of drinks can relax anyone, but I’m not sure if I’d recommend drinks as my first choice. It’s an external form of relaxation so I don’t consider it as “true” as a more internal form of relaxation.

      “Internal” forms of relaxation include all the time you spend with her before you hit the bedroom–connecting, laughing. That time outside the bedroom IS foreplay. It’s relaxing because she knows this guy cares about her as a person. And all the good feelings you have together translate into the bedroom physically.

      IN the bedroom, “internal” forms of relaxation include putting on soothing music, burning some pleasant-smelling incense, making sure the room is warm enough, giving her a massage (include her legs and feet), spending time kissing and exploring her body. If her #1 erogenous zone is her mind (which you begin to turn on outside the bedroom), her #2 erogenous zone is her skin all over (which you do when you explore her body).

      Of course a couple of drinks would be fun on top of all this. I just wouldn’t rely on drinks as THE way to relax her. I’d start with spending time with her outside the bedroom, then setting the mood in the bedroom, and DEFINITELY giving a massage. If you want to add a couple of drinks on top as gravy, shit, why not?

      So I guess what I’m trying to say is I’d use the drinks as a spice rather than as the main course. It’s a good question. Let me know what you think.

  4. Terrell Prude' Jr.

    Hi Renaissan,

    Your tips are good stuff. This should get plenty of guys started

    I’d like to add a couple of things. Sometimes, the woman’s “sensitive spot” on her clit can also be 11 o’clock depending on which hand she uses to stroke herself. Same idea as the 1 o’clock idea, though. Also, since you’ve read ESO, you likely already know that the book is really a communications improvement manual in the guise of a sex improvement guide. How do I know this? The Brauers are my parents. 🙂 In their practice, and while writing the book, they’ve always stressed the need to keep those communication lines open. That’s Step 1 for a better overall relationship and thus better sex.

    It can also take practice, including on her end so that her body adjusts to getting pleasured in this way. First time a gal tried to pleasure me, I wasn’t used to it, and there was hypersensitivity. So, we practiced every other day (would’ve been more, but school and all), and after about a month, I got used to her, and the sensation was like no other. Couldn’t get enough of her after that.

    The same thing can affect women with attention to their clits. I’ve observed this. In these cases, they’re used to their own touch, but not someone else’s. Give it time, practice, and care, and before you know it, they’ll get used to your touch as well and won’t be able to get enough of you.

    Keep up the good articles on this subject. They’re needed.

    1. renaissan

      These are INVALUABLE tips. Thanks so much for sharing. And I can’t believe your parents are the Brauers. I’m so honored to have their son comment on this article. Your kind words are are especially a boost of confidence.

      Great reminder that ESO is really a communications manual in the guise of a sex improvement guide.

      And your tip is FANTASTIC: women may not be used to another person’s touch (on her clit) at first, but with time and practice she’ll not only get used to his touch but probably won’t be able to get enough of it.

      The point is so well taken. Licking or tickling her love button may not go perfect at first. That’s okay! With time, practice, care, and communication we’ll get there. Your tip about the 11 o’clock/1 o’clock is a much needed clarification too.

      Thanks so much again for your comment, insight, and encouragement. Can’t tell you how appreciated they are.

  5. Jimmy

    I have this problem. The first time I lick my wife pussy she cum big time but the last 6 years sh just lay there and I don’t feel like I doing something wrong. I ask her but she says I doing fine so how can I make her go the first time we had sex

    1. renaissan

      Here are some ideas:

      Don’t make her orgasm the goal. I know that seems strange to say. But allow her to just sit back and enjoy the process without needing to orgasm. In other words, take the pressure off her to “perform” for you. Tell her you don’t want her to climax, you just want her to enjoy the process and the pleasure. This may help relax her so she can enjoy herself more.

      Enjoy the hell out of her. The more you’re turned on by her (and by eating her out), the more she turned on she’ll get. Let her know you’re not going down on her not so she must climax, but because you love going down on her.

      Remember women tend to take a bit longer to climax. If I were to put a generalized number on it, I’d say 20 minutes or so. Again, that’s just a generalized number. Could take a lot shorter or longer. Depends on how turned on she is ahead of time. So take your time, don’t expect her to climax right away, and enjoy the process. During those “20-25 minutes,” feel her tits while eating her out. Stop to kiss her, and go back down. Experiment with sliding a finger inside her too. Put on some music. Burn some incense. Let her know how much you love her pussy. Point is, let allow both yourself and her to sit back and relax.

      Change the setting or the position of how you eat her out. The slight bit of variety may make the oral sex feel “new” and exciting.

      Out-right ask her what stroke she likes, if you want. Sometimes I’ll even hold my girl’s hand during oral so she can trace the stroke she likes on my palm, and I’ll do that on her clit. As always, once you find her sweet spot, keep doing that until she falls over the edge.

      The fact you care enough about your girl’s experience is awesome! Keep up with that attitude. But if she’s relaxed enough to enjoy the process, I think that’ll help big time. The journey really is often more delicious than the destination. Great question, Jimmy.

      1. Jimmy

        I will try this next time I go down on her. I hope I doing good. I just what her to enjoy it as much as I love playing with her pussy.So how can I know if she enjoys it.

      2. renaissan

        I’ll bet she’s enjoying it (especially if you’re enjoying yourself). Think of going down on her as if you’re giving her a massage. Even if she doesn’t climax, she gets to lay back, relax, be touched, be pampered, and enjoy pleasurable sensations.

        However, if a guy tries to force her to climax, she won’t relax and won’t enjoy the journey. As long as she’s allowed to lay back, relax–that means you’re laid back, relaxed like you’re taking a stroll–I know she’s gonna enjoy it. I promise. Again, don’t even worry about the climax. Enjoy the process.

        Signs she’s enjoying it:
        She’s relaxed
        Her body and thighs open.
        She looks like she doesn’t want it to end.

        Let me know how things are going Jimmy.

      3. Jimmy

        I will let you know as soon as I get a chance to go back down on her. Not sure why she not into sex. Plus should I know if she want it or not. There are times I want it but she into book. Thanks for the help

      4. Jimmy

        I noticed last night when I was down doing my thing there was a clear fluid coming out her pussy so is that her cumin because she said she went. I thinking it would be bigger. I love you help me on this

  6. Jimmy

    I would love to a new way to have sex. We done every way I can think. I would love to find a new way because she seems getting bored with the ways I been trying. She just lay there and let me due my thing. She to enjoy it but lately when we due it doesn’t feel like I doing something wrong. It just upset me when I don’t think I doing a good job on her

    1. Jimmy

      I also noticed the other day when I down there she loves when I lick around her anal. She clean it really good before I go there. I notice her nipple get really hard when I lick it. Sometimes she let me put it in her anal.

    2. Jimmy

      I just letting you know that I have tried what you said and the other night she enjoyed it and she said she had a great time and can’t wait to try it again. So keep sending me new ways to get her on b her toes.

      1. renaissan

        This is FANTASTIC! I’m so glad to hear this. I love the care you’re putting into your sex life with your wife. When it comes down to it, that may be the most important element in sex. Your caring about her. The relationship outside the bedroom carries into the relationship inside the bedroom.

        Another way of saying this: there are physical techniques and the emotional/psychological techniques of sex. If there’s no emotional/psychological connection first, all the physical techniques in the world won’t do much good. There’s a saying I’ve heard–Touch a woman’s heart (and mind) and her panties will follow.

        Keep up the care you’re giving to your wife. If I can think of any other physical techniques, of course I will share. But it sounds like you’ve got the most important part down.

      2. Jimmy

        The biggest thing is have learn is making her fill good about herself and treat her pussy good and some good award when she ready to get put your cock in her wet pussy.

      3. Jimmy

        I would love to find new movie to try on my wife. I have tried all I can think of and the best one I like is putting her butt on a pellow and liking her pussy so I can see it better and play with both holes at same time

      4. Jimmy

        I have a question to ask sex. I have this problem. When I have sex with my wife there are times I cum to fast and I wish we could due more than once but she only like it one time so is any way I can control it from cuming to fast. I have tired to pull it out but it fill so good inside then there time I ready to pull it out and she stops me.

      5. Jimmy

        The other night I was having a great time with my wife and great sex when she dry up and it cause me to go limp so you have any idea why sh dried up. I never had this problem before

  7. Jimmy

    I what to thank you for helping me with are sex life and so far what you told me to due is working so if I have more problems I hope you can help me

    1. renaissan

      Hey Jimmy,

      I’ve got a few ideas for you, one for the climaxing fast, the other for your wife drying up.

      1. Climaxing too fast:
      a. Go down on your woman (and/or finger her) so she climaxes first. Either enter her while she’s climaxing so you can climax with her at the same time… or if you can’t get inside as she’s climaxing, enter her after she’s finished. She’ll still be at like an 8 or 9 on the excitement scale. I doubt she’ll mind then if you climax too quickly.

      b. While masturbating, practice getting to 7 on the excitement scale, then back off. Then go up to 8 on the excitement scale and back off. Then go up to 9 on the excitement scale, then back off. If you climax too soon, no worries. This takes practice. But how you practice by yourself will affect how you are with your wife. You may even be able to orgasm without ejaculating. Again, this takes months of practice. So have patience with yourself.

      c. Don’t enter your wife all the way yet. Put your tip in, play with her clit and take it out. Put a half inch in, take it out. Put it in an inch and take it out. Keep entering her inch by inch. If she begs for you to put it in, still don’t do it yet. Your teasing her will drive her wild, make her desire rise up towards an 8 or 9, and it will help you control your excitement in the meantime.

      d. When inside her, try the Taoist technique: 9 short stroke, 1 long strokes; 8 short, 2 long; 7 short, 3 long and so forth until you get to 1 short and 9 long. Repeat at the beginning if you’d like. Focusing on these strokes will help control your excitement, and will also raise her desire.

      2. If she’s drying up:
      a. Feel free to use some lube like “Astroglide.”

      b. Stop and go down on her to get her excitement back up.

      c. While fucking her, look her in the eyes. Keep an emotional connection during intercourse. That will help keep her mind in the present moment. If she looks away, you could tell her “I wanna try something. Let me just look in your eyes for a minute.” You can smile at her, kiss her. This will feel hot (and romantic) for her. And kissing her lips during intercourse–her lips become an erogenous zone.

      d. Multi-task: That is, rub her clit while fucking her. Use a vibrator on her clit while fucking her, too. Rub her feet while fucking her. Suck her tits while fucking her. Do other stuff while fucking her. That will keep her mind engaged in the present moment and her body stimulated.

      Here are a couple of book recommendations:
      “Male Multiple Orgasms” by Somraj Pokras. Good book on male self-control. It helped me.
      “Female Ejaculation” by Somraj Pokras and his wife Jeffre Talltrees. Book on hitting her G spot.
      “How To Satisfy a Woman Every Time and Have her Beg for More” by Naura Hayden. I got the technique from 1c from this book. Short read but her technique is highly recommended.

  8. Jimmy

    I notice that my wife like me when I lick her pussy she also like when I lick her anal too. She makes sure it clean. I just running out ideas on ways I can lick her pussy.

    1. renaissan

      I’ve given you a bunch of ideas here. Have you tried them? Start with these. Just keep in mind, licking pussy is just a physical technique. Possibly more important is the psychological element, i.e. the connection.

  9. Jim

    Well i been noticing the my likes her pussy lick right after she takes a nice warm bath. I also like it this way because i know it is clean and I can lick both holes at the same time. I wish she would shave it again like she did when we were first going out. I don’t mind hair pussy but I prefer shaved pussy


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