Dealing with AMOGs is kinda like dealing with a computer program with a bad virus. Would you want to play in a virus-infected program?
Same with AMOGs, Shit Tests, and Bitch Shields.
Don’t play into the frame. Shut it down. And replace it with a better one.
For example, someone says “Hey nice shirt. Did you get that in high school?” If you say yes you’re playing into his frame. And if you say no, you’re playing into his frame. Why say yes or no at all? Fuck that shit. Create your own frame that doesn’t make you look like an asshole.
“This guy, you can dress him up, but you can’t take him anywhere.”
See how you don’t even bother answering “yes” or “no”… which plays in his frame… but replace it with something else entirely? The frame you replace his with: this is a guy with no social acuity.
But you also do this with good-humor. Never to harm, hurt, or destroy. Otherwise you look pissy and rude and like a big baby. You say this with a smile on your face.
It’s like dealing with your own negative thoughts. No need to beat yourself up over having them. And for God’s sakes, no need to let the negative thoughts take you over either! Simply recognize you’re having negative thoughts. See they’re not real. Then replace them with positive thoughts, or reality.
So, step one: recognize the words that are coming from the AMOGs for what they are. “Thought-viruses.” It’s not reality. It’s bullshit.
Step two: Ignore the “frame.”
Step three: Replace the negative frame with a positive one. If you don’t replace it, the virus will just come back.
Dealing with AMOGs is just a matter of not playing into their negative frame, and replacing it with your own positive one.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, you say. What the hell is a frame?
The word “frame” comes from NLP, “Neuro-Linguistic Programming,” a hybrid of hypnosis and psychotherapy invented in the 1970s. It has some great uses, especially for programming your mind for success.
And that’s how the word “frame” fits into NLP.
The book that really clarified the term for me was “Sleight of Mouth” by Robert Dilts.
Great read. Highly recommended.
His basic premise was we can program ourselves for failure if we think within a “problem frame.” We can do this in our own thinking, and people can do this to us in order to keep us down. To break free from this “thought virus,” we need to replace this with a higher, “solution frame.” This sets us up for success. The book explores how to do this through language.
There’s a quote in “Hamlet” where Hamlet says, “There’s nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so.” That’s the essence of a frame. We humans are a unique animal. We interpret facts. A frame is an interpretation. It’s a “way of seeing” the world.
The philosopher Wittgenstein said something similar in his “Tractatus.”
He said value and meaning don’t lie within the world. The world simply consists of facts. Value must reside outside of the world. Value includes things like aesthetics and ethics, but also negative thinking too.
One example of this is snow. There’s nothing inherently good or bad about snow. It’s simply a fact. We put meaning into the snow by thinking it’s either bad or good. Dilt’s point was when we interpret the snow into a frame of “problem” it can set us up for failure. Interpreting snow into a more positive frame has a better chance of setting us up for success.
AMOGs, Shit Tests, and Bitch Shields are simply a negative frame. It’s a power trip. It’s a way of cutting someone else down to make them look superior. But their frame is not reality. It’s a figment of their imagination. You have the choice of accepting it or disregarding it and creating your own.
And if you reveal their power trip for what it is, you almost don’t have to do a thing. Their negative, power-grubbing frame will work against them. It’s so absurd what they’re really doing, it’s actually funny. Dilts calls stepping out of the frame to reveal what it is a “meta-frame.”
You can also preempt from all this happening, too.
Treat everyone with respect and kindness. This keeps a positive frame. Be cool with people, make ’em feel important, often they’ll be cool with you.
If that doesn’t work, go to Plan B: disregard the frame and replace it with your own.
Either step outside the negative frame and call them on their shit… the “meta-frame”…
Or agree and reduce it to the absurd.
I’ll give you some examples in the final part of this article.