There’s a book called “Mastery” by George Leonard.
Highly recommended.
In it, Leonard says mastery isn’t a final place of arrival. It’s simply a practice. In other words, mastery isn’t a goal or destination, but rather a process or journey. He makes the point that mastery isn’t a special ticket available only for the super-talented, it’s available to anyone who’s willing to get on the path and stay on it, despite any obstacles or plateaus that we’ll inevitably encounter.
In Double Your Dating, David DeAngelo, following Leonard’s wisdom, claimed it takes about 2-4 years just to get “good” at something. And that’s JUST TO GET GOOD. (page 21 of DYD) Like martial arts, or playing an instrument, it takes time to master an art. Then David D speculates it takes another 2-4 years to become a “master.”
In Neil Strauss’s Annihilation video series, Mystery said he thought that when a pickup artist could approach 5 beautiful women in a row and each approach resulted in a “sexual” relationship of some sort, a pickup artist could be said to have achieved mastery.
But Leonard says even when you’re at these levels, you’re still not a master unless you keep the attitude of you’re a beginner. In other words, if you get complacent, you’ll lose it. More importantly, I think his point was we’ll always have more to learn.
So, there’s no final place. Not even a Medal of Honor makes someone a master. Mastery is just being on the path, a never-ending path of growth.
I still want to master success with women. But I have to remind myself that I’m not on this journey for glory, but for the deep joy that comes from practicing and growing.
So from Leonard’s perspective, mastery with women is absolutely possible—as long as we keep at it.
A never-ending path of growth–mastery with women unconcealed
One key to success with women is not caring what women–or anybody else for that matter–thinks about you. Be who you are. Be the best you can be. And anyone who tries to put you down can kiss your ass.
If you come across a person who shits on you or farts through their mouth and is full of stinking thinking, take a mental vacation from them. Stay away. They’ll discourage you and see the worst in you… because they don’t want you to do better than them. You can’t succeed when you’re in pain, when you’re surrounded by negative people. Walk away.
Here’s a little story.
Once upon a time there was a man, a boy, and a donkey and they were taking a trip. When they came into a town everyone criticized them. “You’re so stupid. Why wouldn’t you let the boy ride the donkey? The poor boy.”
So the boy rode the donkey and the man walked. When they came into the next town, everyone criticized them. “Why would you make the boy ride the donkey when he’s younger and more able? Let the man ride the donkey. You are so ridiculous.”
So the man rode the donkey and the boy walked. When they arrived into the next town, everyone criticized them. “How could you ride the donkey? That’s abusive to the donkey. You are so cruel.”
So neither the man nor the boy rode the donkey. They took off the bags from the donkey and carried them themselves. When they got to a river, they carried the donkey through the river. This proved difficult. They lost hold of the donkey and the donkey drowned.
Moral of the story? Please everyone, you’ll lose your ass.
Take in criticism, and take a hard look at yourself. If the criticism is true, then learn from it. If the criticism is garbage, throw it away. Ultimately listen to a higher standard of truth than all the opinions and half-baked truths that come from people. That still, small voice inside… listen to that. Do the right thing and be the best you can be. Fuck everyone else.
Choose an identity that will make you successful with women
Every single guy has the ability to be successful with women. It’s not that some guys have it and other guys don’t. There’s no gene for success with women. ALL of us guys have it within us. We all have the masculinity that women love.
So what’s in the way of our success?
Well, there’s inner-game issues and outer-game issues.
Outer-game is about all the skills. That’s important. No doubt.
But without the right IDENTITY, or inner-game, all the skills in the world will be little better than a band-aid. Outer-game heals only the surface. But what you believe about yourself, your IDENTITY, will determine your success from the inside out.
Identity is really only a label. Be careful of the labels you put on yourself and the labels other people try to put on you. Give yourself a label that will make you more successful with women. Guess what? Your behavior will become consistent with that label.
Here’s another way of putting it.
People think they can change their behavior.
A smoker tries to quit, an obese person tries to eat less. And they fail. Why?
You can NEVER change your behavior. You have to change your identity first. Change the way you think of yourself. A smoker has to eliminate the label “smoker.” An obese person has to stop thinking of himself as someone who’s “fat.” Change the label first, even if you don’t see it yet, and the behavior will follow. Labels are like a self-fulfilling prophesy.
So, if you think of yourself as someone who’ll never be successful with women, you’ll act like that. But if you change the label and identify yourself with someone who’s irresistible to women, you’ll act more successful with women.
Change your identity first.
Decide who you want to become. And don’t “become” that person. BE that person RIGHT NOW! Now’s the time. Not later, but right now.
Speak, feel, act like a man who’s successful with women.
Now, you might hear a lot of people laugh at you and say no you “can’t” and reinforce those negative labels on you. The closest people in your life, your family and friends, will say these things to you. They’ve known you a certain way and have pigeon-holed you a certain way and they’ll resist your change.
Don’t let them.
YOU define who you are. YOU judge yourself. YOU get to determine whoever the hell you are and what you want. PERIOD.
And if you screw up along the way and get rejected by women, it’s okay. Just don’t let the screwup define you. You can screw up, but don’t be a “screwup.” You can do something stupid, but it doesn’t mean you’re “stupid.” You can do something terrible, but it doesn’t mean you’re a “terrible person.”
If you start to think you’re a “terrible person,” you’ll probably start doing more terrible things. Because that’s your identity. Do you think correctional institutions really correct behavior, or do they just reinforce a person’s identity as a “terrible person”? Don’t get me started. That’s a whole other story.
The point is, the mistakes you make aren’t your identity. It’s not permanent.
Some labels are beneficial, though. If that label or identity that brings you confidence and freedom, it will help you rather than hinder you. If you make your identity one that’s confident and one who knows how to make women feel wonderful… Your brain will figure out ways to make this come true.
So, be actively aware of any deep-seated beliefs about yourself that might be holding you back. So many of us are unconscious of the beliefs that don’t help us. Then ask who you really are at your deepest level. What is that spark in you, that divine flame, that’s been smothered? That’s who you really are.
Once you figure out who you truly are, FUSE with that identity. Step into the body of a man who’s successful with women. And emulate him. You get to decide. The rest is history.
This picture is THE secret to success with women. Don’t make your woman #1. Find your mission in life. Make this #1. Don’t make intimacy your priority. Make it your purpose. She’ll guard the intimacy.
Mary Jane wants Spiderman to stay. She’s sad he’s gotta leave for “war” and be a superhero. She tells him all the time, “please don’t go.” He goes anyway. You can tell how disappointed she is.
But can you imagine if Spiderman said, “Actually you’re right. I won’t go. You’re more important than protecting humankind. You’re the most important thing in my life. Who cares if I’m needed. I’m staying here with you.” She might be glad, but she’d probably also feel let down.
You’ll hear a woman say she wants you to make her #1. The irony is she’ll love and admire you more if she’s not. If you make your woman your priority, she’ll feel like you’re dependent on her for your happiness. She’ll feel smothered. She’ll feel she doesn’t really have a man.
I don’t think she would ever admit she doesn’t want to be number one. She’ll complain she wants more of you. But what she really wants is for you to be dedicated to your purpose–and to also love her fully.
You have a gift to give to the world, everyone does. Don’t submit to your woman and kiss her ass. Discover your gift and purpose. Despite her pleas to the contrary, make giving your deepest gift to the world your priority.
I’ve gotta give credit where credit it due. I learned this insight from David Deida. And it changed my life.
We’ll inevitably get this question. “Does this make me look fat?” How do you respond? If you say no, the danger is you enter “supplicating” land. Obviously never ever tell her she looks fat. The best response is to agree… jokingly. “Yeah… I wasn’t going to say anything.” She’ll hit you on the arm. That’s a good thing. Hehe
Yes, to hold a woman that looks like this is every man’s fantasy. But there’s a great lesson here, too. See how Mary-Jane just relaxes and surrenders in Spidey’s arms? Women yearn for this. See how Spidey is like a rock? Solid, strong, still, protective. That’s the role we want to play with women. When we’re strong and able to steer the course of things, whether sexually, financially, emotionally, spiritually, it allows her to let go and relax.
When you don’t want her, she wants you. When you want her, she doesn’t want you.
Simple as that.
Sounds harsh, I know. But it’s the way things are.
And by the way, this applies to when you FIRST want to attract a woman. Things change a bit when you get into a relationship–although it’s good to still sprinkle the “spice” of game into a relationship.
So, let me explain… because it does sounds kinda harsh. I know. I mean can’t you just be nice and not have to play games? I wish.
Women go to clubs, and they put a lot of effort in looking EXTREMELY hot.
But they reject guys over and over again. What’s up with that? Some women do it as a sort of “bitch shield.” Others do it to feed their egos. It’s as if the more they reject us, the hotter they feel.
Either way, don’t play into their trap. Knock her off the pedestal instead.
The HOTTEST women hear compliments all the time, so stay away from that kind of crap–unless it’s honest-to-God a truthful and sincere statement. Just be warned… if she can have you, she won’t want you.
Now, let me ask you something else. What do women want?
For the record, I don’t know. But the great philosopher Cindy Lauper may have given us a clue. “Girls just wanna have fun.” Instead of compliments, make her laugh by giving her a little attitude. Playfully of course.
It’s funny because we guys HATE it when girls give us attitude. Girls LOVE it when we give them attitude.
I don’t get it, I just know it works.
Maybe if you imagine yourself as the hottest woman it kinda makes sense.
Imagine you get approached by guys ten to thirty times a day with either a look or a proposition or a compliment about how beautiful you are. At first it might be kind of cool, but after hearing the same thing over and over and over again, it probably gets old FAST. Annoying, even.
Now, imagine after hearing the same compliments and propositions some guy walks up to you and gives you a little playful shit instead. It’d probably get your attention, right?
It’s counter-intuitive. You’d think being nice and buying her drinks would attract her. But it doesn’t. It doesn’t spark anything. It’s as if you walk in a store and are handed a fish for free versus going fishing and struggling to reel one in. Wouldn’t you say it’s the STRUGGLE that makes fishing fun?
Learn from how girls brush us off. And do it to them.
Girls can be heartless. I’m sure you’ve been there, I know I have. You be nice and you get squashed. They reject us ALL the time.
Either way… it’s time for guys to start acting like guys again. Don’t be a pussy when it comes to women. We think it’s wrong to give her a little attitude. It’s not. A little attitude sparks attraction. If she demands you buy her a drink, say NO! Ask her to buy YOU a drink. You don’t have to be nice and perfect. Be raw. It’s okay to be a guy.
Buuuuut… DON’T squash her. Don’t be mean. Do it to make her laugh. Do it to give her what she wants. A challenge.
ALL of us humans love challenge. It sharpens our edge.
And that’s what game is all about. Being a challenge. Brush her off… playfully, respectfully. Turn the tables on her for once. Rebuff HER. It’s like catnip for women. And for us it’s fun. Like a game.
In the first clip, watch Mystery walk away from the women. Voila! He draws them in…
Wanna know how to give a woman a compliment the proper way? Compliment yourself.
Let’s say she has nice eyes. You might say something like this. “You’ve got nice eyes. They’re almost as nice as mine.”
That’s how you give a girl a compliment.
Here’s the rationale. A hot chick in a club or bar has been complimented and told she’s beautiful so many times, it doesn’t even mean anything.
It smells like you’re kissing her ass so you can get into her pants. Be different. Stay away from compliments. Compliment yourself.
When you get her into bed THEN compliment her. Tell her how beautiful her pussy is. Or how great she tastes. When you’re fucking her it’s a good thing to tell her how hot she looks. That’s the best time to compliment her.
If you MUST compliment her before you’ve gotten her into bed–here’s a few tips.
TIP #1. Make sure she’s earned it. First, qualify her. “What’ve you got going for you besides your looks?” If you genuinely like what you hear, THEN you can compliment her. “Damn, you seem cool. I wanna get to know you better.” She’s earned the compliment. It’s not even a compliment. It’s a statement of truth.
TIP #2. Make the compliment insightful. “Nice earrings” is lame. “I like the way the blue in the earrings matches your eyes. It looks like a Native American style.” Better. There’s details and specifics. If it’s insightful, it’s more honest.
TIP #3. Add something negative to the compliment. “You’re special… in that short bus to school sort of way.” “You’re everything I never wanted.” “You’re the most awesomest girl I’ve met… in the last 30 seconds.” “Check this girl out. She’s amazing and so bright and funny. Would you believe she’s never had a date?”
Actually this isn’t a compliment. It’s a diss. You pretend you give her a compliment, then take it away at the last moment. But it’s fuuuuun! Haha
Anyway, show appreciation to your woman only if it’s SINCERE–not to “get” her approval–but like you’re stating a truth, making an observation. And of course compliment her during sex, and during a relationship. But when you FIRST meet her, as a rule of thumb, don’t compliment her. It can smell of an ulterior motive. Compliment yourself.
Let me ask you this. What causes goose bumps? Shivers? A chill down your spine? What about that feeling you get that makes you want to fuck, especially when you see a nice ass like this?
Credit: nylonfoxie.com
It’s been called chi in China, ki in Japan, prana in India, kundalini in yoga, but it’s all energy.
Sexual Energy Credit: wikipedia
Our life force. Leaves our body when we die. Pervades the universe. Einstein: equals matter times the speed of light squared. Makes us feel sexual. Energy from the genitals makes us feel sexual. Feels like a light in our bodies. You can tune into it.
You can tune into hers, too. You can feel what she’s feeling.
When your fingers touch her skin, or the inside of her pussy, feel her pleasure. Imagine her sexual energy going from her body into your hand. Touch SLOWLY, just the hairs on her skin and feel what she’s feeling.
You can use other body parts, too. Chest, cheek, lips, forearm, shoulder, hair, chin, ear, knee, ass, feet, tongue, breath…
Whatever way you touch her, feel what she’s feeling in your body. Follow her cues. You’ll know where to go and what to do next. You’re not just giving her pleasure, but taking it in too.
You won’t be bored. Won’t be distracted. Won’t have to accomplish anything. “I have to make her orgasm.” Nah. Just enjoying the pleasure. Enjoying this woman right here, right now, in front of you. Enjoying feeling what she’s feeling.
1. Talk to the guys first. If you don’t, guys will want to protect the girl. Show you’re not after her…yet. You’re just being friendly.
2. Show respect to the guys, and they’ll be cool with you. Talking with the guys first is a show of respect. AND it’s attractive behavior to the chicks. After you make friends with the guys, then you can fliiiiiiirt with the ladies.
3. Ironically, in a group at a bar, a BAR mind you, often guys aren’t boyfriends with the girls. If they are, no worries. You still made some cool friends. Nice
This comes from “Bare: The Naked Truth About Stripping,” by Elisabeth Eaves.
Listen to what she says about how it might feel like to get picked up… from a woman’s point of view.
…occasionally strangers started to talk to me for no apparent reason… my usual reaction was embarrassment for having drawn attention and annoyance that my daydreaming or reading had been interrupted…
…I didn’t understand his attention. I still thought myself invisible to the world of strangers and adults…
The next year… I started to put things together…
…I broke into a jog because I was running late and wanted to get to the school where my friends would be.
A carful of boys suddenly came careening around the bend… As it passed a young man with shaggy hair bellowed out the window: “Fabulous set of tah-tahs, baby!”
I slowed to a walk and looked behind me, trying to fathom whom he was talking to, but there was no one else around. I realized, slowly, that it must have been me. I kept walking up toward the school, thinking about what he had said. I had never heard the term “tah-tahs” before. It sounded like a stupid, babyish word… But I knew instinctively what he was talking about…
Before then I had thought that effort or at least some sort of consciousness on my part might lead to sexual attention. Now I realized that I–my head, that is, my brain, my thoughts–had nothing to do with it. I looked down at my white turtleneck and pink jeans and saw my body in a new light. It was an object of interest to others that was entirely independent from who I was. And now my body became a new kind of object of interest to me. I had done nothing to achieve it. I couldn’t escape it. Yet it had clearly made those boys–or were they grown men?–behave the way they had. I felt like a child who had been handed a heavy sword and told to learn how to use it before she cut off her foot. Some time after the car had gone by, when I had put this all together, I laughed with a mixture of flattered pride and disbelief.
The incident… united my internal and external sexual worlds. I was familiar, after all, with sex, in the sense you can be familiar with anything you read about in a book… I thought about sex frequently… and I masturbated often. But up until the day at the bus stop I had not connected what went on in my head with tangible experience. Having sex was a goal, but in the abstract, in the same way I thought I might someday be a lawyer. I had assumed there were many hurdles between me and it. I had not yet discerned the link between my private thoughts and the way others saw me. And then suddenly it became clear that there were no hurdles at all. Sex was there for the taking. It was up to me.
It was a revelation… boys were now sexually available to me… I started to become dimly aware of an unwritten sexual rule book. I was stunned when I discovered that boys and girls were expected to behave differently. It violated my sense of fair play.
Here’s some things I took away from this.
1. Beauty is superficial. Don’t be interested in a woman just because she was dealt a good pair of cards. Be interested in her person. Let her earn your interest. Ways to do this: Qualify her. Neg/Banter with her.
2. This woman was shocked to learn that she didn’t have to work to get sex. All she had to do was look good. Be different. Desire her if she has a brain or a positive outlook, not just because she looks good.
3. Women are as sexual and horny (if not more) than us. She wants sex. There’s outdated, unwritten rules that makes it more difficult for women to be as sexually free as us. Don’t play by those unwritten rules. Let the sexual animal in her come out to play.
4. Oh, and it probably does feel like an interruption when we talk to her. That’s okay. Have an interesting topic of conversation prepared. You could also call this “DHV.” If she seems cool, let your interest be known based on that, and invite her out.
