It’s almost as if all you need to be a better lover is do what most guys don’t do.
Yeah, great. Thanks for that stellar insight. But what EXACTLY does that mean?
Spend MORE TIME turning her on and working her up.
If you wait to penetrate her, making her WANT you to penetrate her, by the time you penetrate her she’s already probably pretty close to orgasm.
Like, picture a graph. 0 is her picking her toenails and 10 is orgasm. If you wait to penetrate her when she’s at a 9 (or even a 10), it makes it more likely she’ll come while you’re fucking her. Right?
But I shouldn’t even mention penetration. Get penetration outta your mind. In fact, pretend you don’t have a dick. Pretend you’re a lesbian.
Okay, now that you got penetration out of the way, guess what her largest sexual organ is? HINT: it ain’t her pussy or her tits. It’s her BRAIN and her HEART. So, instead of stimulating her pussy, stimulate her feelings.
Stimulate Her Feelings
That means, first of all, start sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom. With your clothes on.
It’s weird, I know. But women get turned on different from us. We’re like a light switch. We see a nice ass. BAM! Okay, ready to go. Let’s get it on.
Women are more like a pot of water, though. Water doesn’t go from room temperature to boiling right away. You gotta keep it over the heat a little while. When it’s heated up, holy shit, it’s boiling. Niiiiiiice! So, spend more time making her feel good, desired, taken care of, loved, beautiful.
Drive out to the country. Go for a walk in a park. Have dinner at a romantic restaurant. Send her a text telling her you can’t wait to see her. Open the car door for her. Tell her she looks beautiful.
Here’s probably the most important part. Make her feel RELAXED and SAFE as well as make her feel BEAUTIFUL. And never EVER be judgmental. If you make her feel like shit, or like she’s undesirable and if she doesn’t feel relaxed or good around you, sex (and ESPECIALLY her orgasm) ain’t gonna happen.
To make her feel safe, first of all, be comfortable with sex yourself.
Second of all, never pass any sexual judgment.
Stay away from saying things like, “that’s weird” or “that’s gross.” No. It’s all good. You’re not afraid of sex. You’re totally comfortable with it. She’ll feel more safe to let go if you are. She knows you’re not going to laugh at her or pass judgment if her body’s shaking or she’s making those glorious sounds you hear only when she’s over the top.
When you think about it, it’s scary to let go. So, you gotta be man enough to catch her. In fact, you can even tell her, “I got you baby. I got you.”
And to make her feel relaxed, give her a massage, hold her, hug her. Put on some candles, some music, set the mood. A glass of wine doesn’t hurt either.
You ain’t going no where. You’re gonna take your time. If she doesn’t feel relaxed and safe, she’s not gonna reach the summit.
And another great tip I recently learned from author Tom Leonardi is: massage her legs, her feet,
her ass, her back. Guys rarely do this. Not only does it turn you and her on, but it goes a long way to relaxing her, too.
Finally, express yourself. Don’t be all silent. Make sounds. If you wanna yell, yell. If you wanna say “I wanna fuck you so hard,” fucking say it. If you want your dick sucked, tell her “I want you to suck my dick.” Communication doesn’t magically evaporate once you’re in bed. You MUST communicate even more when you’re IN bed.
And, let’s be honest here, what guy wants to be with a woman who’s all silent? Who wants to be with a pancake? Doesn’t it turn you on when you hear a woman making sounds of ecstasy and talking dirty? I know it does for me. And I know girls love it, too. When she hears us enjoying ourselves, it turns her on just like it turns us on. BONUS… it keeps her mind from wondering. It keeps her mind in the present moment.
Oh, and speaking of the “present moment,” making eye contact with her while you’re fucking her is AWESOME. It’s awesome, because you connect with her not just on a physical level, but on an emotional and even spiritual level, too.
So, after this largest sexual organ, guess what her second largest sexual organ is? Still not her pussy or her tits. Haha It’s her SKIN all over.
Stimulate Her Skin
Stimulate ALL of her skin.
Explore all of her body, no matter how “non-sexual.” For example, biting (LIGHTLY) the crease of her inner elbow can be a major turn on.
And speaking of biting, you don’t have to just kiss or lick. You can bite, lightly scratch, blow, suck… It’s like you’re this artist with a palette of tools and colors to work with. But DON’T put your dick in her right away. Enjoy, man even savor, this beautiful woman right here, right now, right in front of you. It’s fucking amazing.
Foreplay isn’t separate from sex. It IS sex.
I learned these lessons from Tom Leonardi, Alex Allman, David Shade, Mirabelle Summers, Gabrielle Moore, and Ellen Eatough.