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Search results for ‘falling in love’

3 THINGS YOU NEED TO FALL IN LOVE: Sexual Tension, Mutual Self-Disclosure, & To Feel Liked

A while back I read about this experiment done at SUNY-Stony Brook. It gave me a huge “aha” moment. In fact, it was this insight that had helped my success rate with picking up women jump to a whole other level.

Here’s the experiment. Psychologist Arthur Aron

conducted the series of experiments. He wanted to find out what makes two people fall in love.

A man and a woman were put into a room together. Never met before. For 90 minutes.

Before they went into the room, Aron said to each person that the other person was going to like them. Then he instructed them to share intimate stuff, like embarrassing moments and how they’d feel if they lost a parent.

So, these two strangers are put in this room together and they’re sharing intimate info with each other.

Every so often, a researcher would come in and tell them to say what they liked about each other. They’d do that.

And every so often, a researcher would come in and tell them to gaze into each other’s eyes for about two minutes without talking. They’d do that.

At the end of the experiment, the two strangers left through separate doors. But many confessed to feeling deeply attracted, and close, to the other person. In fact, one of the couples actually even ended up getting married… and invited Aron to their wedding. Haha.

When I first read this, it helped me understand how to pickup women. This is what I took from it.

We need three things to feel those strong feelings of intimacy and love with another person.

FIRST… you need SEXUAL TENSION. I mean, if you don’t have sexual tension, you basically have a friend, right? And in that experiment, the eye gazing thing is so intimate, I can’t see how it wouldn’t some spark sexual tension. Confident body language helps, too. Confidence is sexy.

SECOND, you need MUTUAL SELF-DISCLOSURE. This is huge. When two people share deep, EMOTIONAL, stuff about themselves–not just talking about the weather–you’re no longer strangers. You’re no longer on the superficial level. You can’t help but experience an emotional connection.

Emphasis, by the way, is on MUTUAL. A guy can’t just do all the talking. And she can’t do all the talking either. BOTH people have to mutually self-disclose. And that leads to the third thing…

THIRD, you need to discover that the OTHER PERSON LIKES THEM. Appreciation is huuuuuuge. Do you think we get enough of it? I don’t. I know we humans like to criticize and find fault with each other. You don’t always hear people looking for the good in each other.

Aron actually thought that this was THE major factor that helped two people feel the feelings of falling in love. Discovering that the other person liked them. Isn’t that cool?

In pickup, what that means is DON’T just “DHV” (Demonstrate Higher Value) or do all the talking. Ask about her. Qualify. If you like what you hear, appreciate her. And state your interest. It’s CRUCIAL to attracting a girl.

When I first read this, I was fascinated because it seemed to corroborate the theory behind the Mystery Method.

The Mystery Method also states you need three things to create attraction with a woman on a pickup.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Mystery Method, let me share.

Mystery (often billed the world’s greatest pickup artist)

Mystery Credit: http://www.venusianarts.com

thought that the courtship process had a beginning, middle, and an end.

FIRST, you gotta ATTRACT a woman, SECOND, you gotta build COMFORT AND TRUST with her, and THIRD, you gotta SEDUCE her. In that order.

Seduce first, and you’re the creepy Player. Start in comfort… “so where are you from? Nice weather we’re having”… and you’re Mr. Nice Guy. Attract first, then you can ask her where she’s from. Build some comfort and trust, then you can seduce her. My post “Top Ten Mistakes Men Make With Women” covers this in detail.

Anyway, Mystery thought that the attract phase (the first phase) also had a beginning, middle, and an end.

Stay with me here…

Here’s the attract phase.

FIRST, OPEN a girl. Spark sexual tension through banter (Mystery calls it “negging”), kino (touch), and confident body language.

SECOND, DHV. That means self-disclose something about yourself. It lets her know what you’re about.

THIRD, QUALIFY. Ask about her. Now she self-discloses. Mutual self-disclosure, baby! After she talks, STATE YOUR INTEREST (if she seems cool). In other words, appreciate her. This lets her feel liked. And genuinely so, because you found something in her self-disclosure that honestly vibed with you. Nice.

Now you’re onto connecting, conversation, and comfort. Very nice.

In other words, in every pickup, you need sexual tension, mutual self-disclosure, and appreciation.

Following these three simple rules completely transformed my pickup into consistent success.

But if you REALLY wanna fall in love… connect physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually with her. If you find a woman you can do this with, you probably won’t have to pickup women anymore. You’ve probably found your match. Haha

The name of the book where I read about this experiment is called

Credit: Amazon.com
 

3 Things You Need to Fall in Love

A while back I read about this experiment done at SUNY-Stony Brook. It gave me a huge “aha” moment. In fact, it was this insight that had helped my success rate with picking up women jump to a whole other level.

Here’s the experiment. Psychologist Arthur Aron

conducted the series of experiments. He wanted to find out what makes two people fall in love.

A man and a woman were put into a room together. Never met before. For 90 minutes.

Before they went into the room, Aron said to each person that the other person was going to like them. Then he instructed them to share intimate stuff, like embarrassing moments and how they’d feel if they lost a parent.

So, these two strangers are put in this room together and they’re sharing intimate info with each other.

Every so often, a researcher would come in and tell them to say what they liked about each other. They’d do that.

And every so often, a researcher would come in and tell them to gaze into each other’s eyes for about two minutes without talking. They’d do that.

At the end of the experiment, the two strangers left through separate doors. But many confessed to feeling deeply attracted, and close, to the other person. In fact, one of the couples actually even ended up getting married… and invited Aron to their wedding. Haha.

When I first read this, it helped me understand how to pickup women. This is what I took from it.

We need three things to feel those strong feelings of intimacy and love with another person.

FIRST… you need SEXUAL TENSION. I mean, if you don’t have sexual tension, you basically have a friend, right? And in that experiment, the eye gazing thing is so intimate, I can’t see how it wouldn’t some spark sexual tension. Confident body language helps, too. Confidence is sexy.

SECOND, you need MUTUAL SELF-DISCLOSURE. This is huge. When two people share deep, EMOTIONAL, stuff about themselves–not just talking about the weather–you’re no longer strangers. You’re no longer on the superficial level. You can’t help but experience an emotional connection.

Emphasis, by the way, is on MUTUAL. A guy can’t just do all the talking. And she can’t do all the talking either. BOTH people have to mutually self-disclose. And that leads to the third thing…

THIRD, you need to discover that the OTHER PERSON LIKES THEM. Appreciation is huuuuuuge. Do you think we get enough of it? I don’t. I know we humans like to criticize and find fault with each other. You don’t always hear people looking for the good in each other.

Aron actually thought that this was THE major factor that helped two people feel the feelings of falling in love. Discovering that the other person liked them. Isn’t that cool?

In pickup, what that means is DON’T just “DHV” (Demonstrate Higher Value) or do all the talking. Ask about her. Qualify. If you like what you hear, appreciate her. And state your interest. It’s CRUCIAL to attracting a girl.

When I first read this, I was fascinated because it seemed to corroborate the theory behind the Mystery Method.

The Mystery Method also states you need three things to create attraction with a woman on a pickup.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Mystery Method, let me share.

Mystery (often billed the world’s greatest pickup artist)

thought that the courtship process had a beginning, middle, and an end.

FIRST, you gotta ATTRACT a woman, SECOND, you gotta build COMFORT AND TRUST with her, and THIRD, you gotta SEDUCE her. In that order.

Seduce first, and you’re the creepy Player. Start in comfort… “so where are you from? Nice weather we’re having”… and you’re Mr. Nice Guy. Attract first, then you can ask her where she’s from. Build some comfort and trust, then you can seduce her. My post “Top Ten Mistakes Men Make With Women” covers this in detail.

Anyway, Mystery thought that the attract phase (the first phase) also had a beginning, middle, and an end.

Stay with me here…

Here’s the attract phase.

FIRST, OPEN a girl. Spark sexual tension through banter (Mystery calls it “negging”), kino (touch), and confident body language.

SECOND, DHV. That means self-disclose something about yourself. It lets her know what you’re about.

THIRD, QUALIFY. Ask about her. Now she self-discloses. Mutual self-disclosure, baby! After she talks, STATE YOUR INTEREST (if she seems cool). In other words, appreciate her. This lets her feel liked. And genuinely so, because you found something in her self-disclosure that honestly vibed with you. Nice.

Now you’re onto connecting, conversation, and comfort. Very nice.

In other words, in every pickup, you need sexual tension, mutual self-disclosure, and appreciation.

Following these three simple rules completely transformed my pickup into consistent success.

But if you REALLY wanna fall in love… connect physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually with her. If you find a woman you can do this with, you probably won’t have to pickup women anymore. You’ve probably found your match. Haha

The name of the book where I read about this experiment is called

credit: amazon.com

 
 

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How To Pick Up Any Girl You Want By Using This Simple System

When I first started out in pickup, I’d see a beautiful woman and I’d become paralyzed. It took me about eight months to figure out how to solve this problem. That’s exactly what this ebook’s about.

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My new ebook! Woo-hoo. Can’t tell you how excited I am about this baby. It’s awesome. But I’m biased.

 

It’s called “How To Pick Up Chicks In Five Simple Steps” and it’s meant to help you move one of the heaviest obstacles in the world: the “stranger” barrier.

“Here Are The Two Secrets That Make This System Kick Ass”

Here are the two secrets I discovered about how to do move that barrier.

First, a woman will ask herself five questions about you when you approach her. They are:

  • Why is he talking with me?
  • Is he a psycho?
  • How long is he going to be here?
  • Who is he?
  • What does he have to offer me?

She won’t hear a word of what you’re saying until she knows the answers to those questions. So, the first secret’s to answer them within the first five minutes.

Second, according to a scientific study done by Arthur Aron at SUNY-Stony Brook, there are three basic things we all need to fall in love:

  • to feel sexual tension
  • mutual self-disclosure (or to feel a connection)
  • to feel liked

The second secret’s to hit on these three things, again, within the first five minutes of meeting a woman.

How, you ask?

That’s exactly what the system in this ebook is about. HOW to hit on the three things we need to fall in love, and how to answer a woman’s first five questions, within the first five minutes of meeting any woman.

Before I figured out this system, I can’t tell you how often I was rejected by women when I approached them. After I figured out these two secrets, everything changed for the better. Now I want you to have the same fun and success.

By the way, let me give credit where credit is due. I didn’t figure this out all on my own. Mystery, Lance Mason, and an author named Nicolas Boothman helped me, too. I combined all their brilliant insights into this one master approach.

“What You’ll Find Inside My Killer eBook”

Here’s what you’ll find inside:

  • Pictures to illustrate how your body language should look.
  • Word-for-word scripts for every phase in the approach.
    • openers
    • how to flirt and make her laugh
    • engaging stories to tell
    • qualifiers
    • statements-of-interest
    • how to have a one-on-one sit-down with her
    • what to say when building comfort and rapport
    • how to kiss
    • how to number close
  • A break down of each step you must take in an approach. You’ll understand WHY you’re doing what you’re doing so you won’t be a slave to scripts. And make up your own stuff on the fly.
  • An inner-game “kick-in-the-rear” to make sure you’re out into the field implementing.
  • A ten page field report of what my system looks like in action. Yes, it’s an actual approach taken from my own experience so you can see how this works. So you can model it.
  • A “silent wingman.” That is, a worksheet to plug all your words into. I give you a structure, all you have to do is fill it out with words.
  • A tracker so you can track every approach you make. Self-awareness is the key to change. These trackers will help you see what to continue doing in your approaches and what to improve on next time.
  • A thirty-day week-by-week practice plan so you know exactly what to do each week to nail down this approach. Each week builds on the last so you’re crawling before walking, walking before running.

Here are more specifics of what you’ll find inside:

  • what a woman thinks when you’re approaching her
  • how to kino
  • how attraction and sexual tension works
  • how to open properly
  • how falling in love works
  • inner-game coaching
  • The Cube and other word-for-word stories
  • play-fighting lines that’ll make girls laugh, break the ice, and attract
  • how to multithread, with an example to model
  • how to qualify
  • an example from opening to building comfort
  • how to kiss close
  • how to get a SOLID number close
  • how to win her friends over
  • how to deal with contingencies like shit-test and interrupts
  • how to have a one-on-one sit down with her
  • what to talk about when alone with her for the first time
  • how to lock-in
  • how to give a genuine compliment without coming across as a kiss-ass
  • how to captivate a group
  • female psychology
  • how to intrigue

Basically, this ebook is about the fundamentals of “pickup.” Get these fundamentals down and anything’s possible. The first part of the ebook is theory. The second part is a practice plan so you can get out there and apply it.

Try it risk free. If you try this system for thirty days and you find it didn’t work for you, no worries. Email me at whetyourwomanhelpdesk@gmail.com, and I’ll refund your money.

Oh and did I mention? It’s only $10.

“Give it a test drive TODAY”

Buy Now

Yours truly,

 Justin a.k.a. “Renaissan”

P.S. You get a practice plan, techniques, scripts, a tracker, and a structure that WORKS. I use this stuff in my own life all the time. It’s changed my life, I know it’ll do the same for you. Remember, you have a 100% satisfaction guarantee: if you’re not happy, YOU DON’T PAY. I’ll take all the risk.

P.P.S. The emphasis is on practice to help you implement this system. My goal is to help you get this part of your life handled so you don’t have to keep throwing money at it.

P.P.P.S. Check out a sample here.

 

My Routines Collection

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TABLE OF CONTENTS:

  • INTRODUCTION
  • PHASE ONE: ATTRACT
    • A1 Open.
      • 1. Direct
      • 2. Indirect
    • A2. Banter/Neg (part 1 of 2)
      • 1. Banter Lines
      • 2. Funny Stories
      • 3. Kino
      • 4. Contingencies
    • A2. DHV (part 2 of 2)
      • 1. Your Passion
      • 2. Observations About Her
      • 3. Super Optional “Bubble Gum” Routines
    • A3. Qualify (part 1 of 3)
      • 1. What’s Beyond Your Looks?
      • 2. Are You Passionate?
      • 3. What Abilities Do You Have?
      • 4. What Interests Do You Have?
    • A3. Statement of Interest (part 2 of 3)
    • A3. Isolate or Number Close (part 3 of 3)
      • 1. Isolation Close
      • 2. Number Close
  • PHASE TWO: COMFORT
    • Create an Emotional Connection
  • PHASE THREE: SEDUCTION
    • Setting a Romantic/Sensual Mood
      • 1. Romantic Questions
      • 2. Ross Jeffries’ Patterns
      • 3. Sexual Subjects
    • Going for the Kiss
    • Extract to Seduction Location
  • END GAME: FOREPLAY AND SEX
  • CONCLUSION

INTRODUCTION

PLEEEEEEEASE don’t overload yourself with routines. No, no, no. I have before and it sucks. You just get… Paralysis.

You need six things for an indirect approach to go well.

A reason for talking with her

  1. A reason for talking with her
  2. Banter within your first TWO sentences. Communicates “I’m not trying to get you”
  3. Initiate a topic of conversation that gives value to her
  4. Qualify her.
  5. State your interest in her.
  6. Either isolate her or make plans for a Day 2

The first six things take just a few minutes. Your goal? Qualification. Get her one-on-one as soon as you can. Once you’re one-on-one, take your time. This is where the game is really played. One-on-one, you need three things.

  1. Create an emotional connection
  2. Kiss her… but don’t make-out yet (during Comfort)
  3. Invite her to a “sex location” (C3)

Don’t move to sex too soon. Take a few hours to get to know her. And the kiss is comfort-building. Keep the sexual tension alive by not making out with her yet. The focus is getting to know her, not sex. There’s basically one thing you need once you’re in private with her.

  1. Foreplay and give her orgasms. Alone in private, NOW you can make-out. But still tease her and build anticipation. Seduction happens in the mind. The more she wants it PSYCHOLOGICALLY because she can’t have it all yet, the wetter she becomes. The wetter she becomes before you stick your dick in her, the closer to the edge of orgasm she already is. (S1 – S3 Seduction)

Attract first, create an emotional connection second, and seduce last.

Couple of things before I get to the routines, and how you can fill out this structure.

Have a “reason for talking to her” when you approach. If you don’t have a good reason, she’s gonna wonder “why are you talking to me? What do you want from me?” If you have a good reason (for example, she looked cool and you wanted to say hi), she’ll know WHY you went up to her to talk, and she can relax.

After you banter, appreciate her. Soften the “play fighting” with appreciation. Too much disinterest and you push her away. Too much interest and it’s too close for comfort. Calibrate your disinterest with interest, as well as your interest with disinterest.

Make sure to qualify. If there’s a mistake budding pickup artists make, it’s not to qualify. The funny thing is, qualification is MORE important than all the attract crap. Don’t get me wrong, the attract crap is important, but they’re just stepping stones to get to qualification.

And APPRECIATE her after you’ve qualified her, too. That appreciation is THE bridge to isolating/closing her.

Okay, that’s a lot of stuff, I know. And I started this whole shebang saying don’t overload yourself with routines. And it’s true. So, to start out with, just pick six really quick, simple “gambits” for your attract phase. Again, it’s six things but taken all together, attraction happens fast–a few minutes at most.

Pick:

  1. a reason for talking with her (i.e. an opener)
  2. a banter line joined with appreciation (do this IMMEDIATELY after your opener–within TWO sentences)
  3. a DHV (statement about–who you are)
  4. a qualifier (question about–who is she?)
  5. a statement of interest
  6. a way to isolate/close her.

Don’t forget to qualify.

If you get to qualification with five different sets in one night, you’ve mastered the attract phase. Now you can move on to practicing comfort. Add three more routines that:

  1. creates an emotional connection
  2. kiss close
  3. extracts her to the seduction location

Practice up until foreplay. Once you get to foreplay, study how to give women orgasms. Take things step by step.

Congrats. You’re a pickup artist to contend with.

Okay, here are some routines to choose from. Remember, just pick ONE from each of the first six categories to start. Once you’ve mastered the attract phase, then you can choose ONE from each of the last categories. Make your life easy. Keep it simple.

PHASE ONE: ATTRACT

A1 OPEN. (Reason for talking with her)

For your opener, you can go either direct or indirect. The indirect openers are a little longer. My personal favorites are direct. Short, sweet, right to the point. Try on different ones for size and see which fits you best.

Again, I’ve given a lot to choose from, but JUST PICK ONE opener. Practice it five times in the mirror, and five times in the field. THEN you can try another opener. Don’t have five different openers, for example, swimming in your head at once. When you see that hot girl you don’t want to be confused. You just want to GO.

1. Direct

  • I. My Personal Favorites
    • I’ve got this rule that whenever I see someone attractive I have to say hi.
    • You look kinda cool, so I just wanted to see what you were like.
    • You look fun/friendly/interesting. I’ve only got a sec, but I wanted to come over and see what you were like.
  • II. Lance Mason’s Openers
    • ::: MOVIE MOMENT ::: (The pauses create a lot of sexual tension)
  1. I saw you over there and… You are really… Really… …. …. Beautiful. I just had to come over and say hi. Who are you?
    • ::: BACK POCKET OPENER :::
  1. Hey, do you have the time (touch her on wrist to stop her from looking at her watch and pivot so you’re standing next to her now)…actually I really came over to flirt with you. Is that bad? (Banter)

2. Indirect

  • I. Style’s Opinion Openers
    • ::: JEALOUS GIRLFRIEND :::
  1. Hey, let me get your take on something. I’ve only got a sec but I’m trying to give my friend over there advice, but we’re just a bunch of men–so we’re really not qualified to comment on these matters. (She: what’s that?)
  2. Okay, it’s a two-part question. Imagine you’ve been dating this guy for like three months and he doesn’t want you to talk to a male friend of yours. Now you guys are just friends and nothing would ever happen. What’s the appropriate response? (She: I’d probably break up with the guy I’m dating.)
  3. Okay, makes sense. Now what if this guy was someone you used to sleep with? Does that make a difference? (She: Well, I’m friends with some of my exes, but others I can’t be friends with. So, it depends.)
  4. Okay. The reason I ask is my friend has been dating this girl for like three months and she doesn’t want him to talk to a female friend of his. They haven’t seen each other for years and they really are just friends. The problem is if he stops talking to his friend, he’ll resent his girlfriend. But if he continues to talk to his friend, his girlfriend will resent him. (She: Something like that happened to me once…)
  5. Wow, you guys are like from the View. (She: Laughter)
  6. So, how do you all know each other? (She: Response)
  7. I wonder which one of you is the black sheep. (She: Laughter and Response)
  8. Hey, before I go I couldn’t help notice your ring. Do you always wear a ring on that finger?
  9. (go into Rings, neg while doing it, then qualify)
    • ::: CHEATING :::
  1. There was this article in Esquire magazine that asked different people what cheating was. Well, let me ask first. How would you define cheating?
  2. (go around the group)
  3. It’s Fascinating that a basic concept like cheating, everyone’s definition of it is different. My answer is it’s not being honest with the other person. In other words, you could go and have sex with someone else and as long as she’s okay with it, it’s not cheating. If your girlfriend said okay to have sex with her friend, it’s not cheating because you had a mutual agreement. So, cheating is not being honest, being deceptive, and breaking an agreement you had with another person. So, for someone else, just talking to another girl at a party could be cheating, if she didn’t want you to and you had agreed. Or, staying touch with an ex. That’d be cheating if she asked you not to and you said okay.
  • II. Mystery’s Openers
    • ::: OCEAN’S ELEVEN
  1. We’re celebrating like it’s the end of Ocean’s Eleven
    • ::: GIRL FIGHT ::
  1. Hey did you see the fight outside?
  2. Two girls were fighting over this guy. And the two girls that were fighting were both taller than him, it was the craziest thing. One of the girls was being held back by a guy, and I’m not sure if the guy who was holding her back worked there or not, but it was like two against one. The girl who was being held back, her blouse ripped open and her boob popped. Normally I’d be like, “Hey, how YA doing,” (Joey from Friends voice) but in this case (make grossed out face) it was a saggy, baggy boobie, like from National Geographic. It was just wrong.
  3. Anyway, that girl ran off and the tall girl won the little guy. Good for her! I talked to him afterwards and I was like, “What the fuck happened,” and he said “Horhay.”  I asked him to spell it and he was like, (in French accent) “jjjee,-ee-oh-ar-jjjee-ee.” (Pause) That’s not “Horhay” that’s fucking George. You can’t pull wool over my eyes. That’s a (pointing) deal breaker name right there.
  4. Like if your name was Olga, I don’t care HOW good looking you can make yourself in a day, I couldn’t date you. Beatrice. Maud. Gertrude. Helga? I don’t even want to know your name just in case. I mean everything’s going fine, just keep your mouth shut. (Smile)
  • III. Brad P’s Banter Openers
    • ::: HORSE GIRL:::
  1. I have to ask. Do you like horses? I thought so. Okay, check this out. When I was in the third grade there was this girl, and she loved horses. She loved them more than anything. She used to draw horses all over her binder, she’d be making horse noises, she’d be running around the schoolyard galloping. We used to call her “The Weird Horse Girl.” (She: So why are you telling me this)
  2. Well, you look JUST like her! (She: It’s not me)
  3. You know what? I’m 90% sure it’s not you, but if it was me, I wouldn’t admit it either. So, just in case it’s you—and I’m not saying it’s definitely you—but just in case it’s you and you don’t want to admit it, I just want to say I’m sorry (She: Sorry for what?)
  4. Sorry for all the times I used to make fun of you. See, back in school I was one of the cool kids and I was a bit of a bully and I used to make fun of the The Weird Horse Girl. NOW, I feel so bad. I feel so guilty. I’ve been going to therapy and my therapist says I should find this girl and right all the wrongs of my past, so I just want to say I’m sorry and see if you’d EVER forgive me. (She: Yes)
  5. (Hugging her) Oh my God you are so cool! I can’t believe you turned out to be cute and cool. This is like the craziest thing!
    • ::: LAST NIGHT’S LAY:::
  1. You look familiar. Have we had sex? Oh my God! Yes, it’s you! It’s so good to see you!
  2. Hey, listen, sorry I haven’t called. Been kind of busy. My, um, phone, um, stopped, um, working and my tire got a flat, and my dog ate my homework. But tell your friend I said hi and that she was great too.
  3. It wasn’t you? I could have sworn it was you. You look just like this girl I had sex with last week—actually I can’t quite remember what she looks like, I was kind of drunk…No, I’m pretty sure it was you.

::: ONE LINERS :::

  • You’re the third cutest girl here!
  • Hey watch out for these girls here. They are professional pick picketers! They’ll steal your phone and purse.
  • YOU and I are STUNNING! But MOSTLY me!
  • I have to compliment you. You’re very reasonably attractive (Only say this to 9’s and 10’s)
  • To a Short Girl: You’re the Tiny Dangerous one here! Gotta watch out for you.
  • My mom told me to come to the club and find a nice girl. You’re the perfect girl to take home to my mom!
  • To a Girl SUPER dressed up: You’re the most stylish girl here! I bet you’re a shopaholic.
  • Stop looking at my ass whenever I walk by. It’s JUST. NOT. COOL.
  • Let’s go steal a car.

A2 ATTRACT, part 1 of 2. (Banter/Neg with Appreciation/Smile)

This is THE key to attraction. Hands down.

Do this within your FIRST TWO SENTENCES. It sets the tone right away. If you wait too long to banter/neg, it will be harder to do it down the line, because it might seem out of character. The beauty of the Brad P openers is you’re bantering right from the get go. Mystery’s Girl Fight and Style’s Jealous Girlfriend have banter lines built into them, too.

I’m giving you a shit-ton of lines to choose from. They go great with the direct openers I gave you above… with the possible exception of the Movie Moment opener.

Buuuuuut, again, just pick ONE banter line. Practice it five times in the mirror before going out. Then practice it at least on five different sets out in the field. This one routine here will completely transform your game. I know it did for me.

Also, KINO when you say your banter line. Kino and banter aren’t separate. They’re one. Kino here would be something like a light tap on the arm or hand before you deliver the banter.

I broke the banter lines into five different characters. That’s where the humor comes in. The words themselves are kind of funny, some aren’t at all. The real humor comes from how you say the words. From how you act out the character.

Also, each character has a sexual charge to it, because the underlying character in all the banter lines is you’re the dominant one and she’s cute. You’re the sexual selector, and she’s chasing you.

When you banter, honest-to-God ACT OUT the character, as if you’re pretending to be him… or in some cases her.

Again, I know I sound like a broken record, but I want to drive this point home… PICK ONLY ONE LINE AT A TIME.

Don’t make the mistake I made and try to learn all of them at once. It will end in tragedy, I promise.

Pick one line, practice saying it in the mirror as a cocky guy, or a hot valley girl, or a principal. Then go out in the field and practice it on at least five sets. That’s the way I learned. There’s something about practicing banter with another human that drills it into your bones.

Once you feel like the banter line is natural, THEN you can learn another line. This is like learning another language. How to speak Woman…

Remember, learn just ONE line at a time.

Okay, here goes.

1. Banter Lines from Lance Mason, David DeAngelo, Brad P, Mystery, and Style

  • I. The Judge (Judge Her) 
    • What are you doing in a bar for godsakes? Can’t you find a nice normal guy? Are you desperate?
    • Wait. You’re a republican, aren’t you.
    • You girls are BAD girls. I have to watch out for you.
    • You guys are trouble. I can already tell.
    • I don’t know about you yet.
    • She looks sweet and innocent but something tells me she’s not.
    • Part of me wants to stay here and talk to you guys and part of me wants to run as fast as I can.
    • Let me see you flirt. Wow, now that was terrible. It actually made me go gay for a second.
    • That’s it, I’m going to talk to those more interesting girls over there.
    • Oh my God you guys are like Charlie’s Angels. You can be Drew Barrymore, you can be Lucy Liu, and you can be Bosley (to the target) – Lovedrop
    • Did you know that 93% of all women masturbate in the shower? (their response) Do you know what the other 7% do? (they say no) Oh. So you’re one of the ones…who…(nod knowingly) – Brad P.
    • Did you know that when you sleep your heart actually stops for 45 minutes every night? Option A. She believes you: No you dork! You know, you just failed the smart test. I don’t know if I can hang out with you anymore (smile of course to soften) OR Option B. She doesn’t believe you: You know what, you just passed the smart test. I think you might be smart enough to hang out with me. – Brad P.
  •  II. Cocky Casanova 
    • 1. I AM GORGEOUS
      • Don’t look at me like that. You’ll get hypnotized and start thinking naughty thoughts.
      • Stop it! You’re looking at me like a fat kid looks at a cheeseburger.
      • Stop looking at me like an ice cream cone. It’s creeping me out.
      • I’m not just a slab of hot young beefcake. I’m a feelings man. I have feelings you know.
    • 2. STRAIGHT UP, I’M AWESOME
      • Come here. I’ll let you stand next to me for a minute.
      • It’s ok. I’m just a sexy man.
      • I used to be too modest. But, I worked at it, and now I’m perfect.
      • I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but I’m sort of a big deal around here. (Imitate Will Ferrell from Anchor Man)
      • No autographs please.
    • 3. YOU’RE NOT MY TYPE
      • Note to self: Do NOT date this girl.
      • I can already tell, you and I are NOT going to get along. We’re too similar. If I hung out with you I’d be bald with all the hair I’d be pulling out of my head.
      • I can already tell. You and I would NEVER get along. So don’t even try hitting on me.
      • Too bad you’re not my type.
      • You’re not my type. Your boyfriend must be a really cool guy.
      • You are so beautiful, it’s a shame you’re not my type. It’s weird. Logically I know you’re a pretty girl. But I don’t feel for you the way I do with girls I’m into. But we have such a good conversation.
      • You’d make a good friend.
      • I don’t think I’m your type (she: yes you are) But I’m really weird (she: I like that) Yeah but sometimes I’m just like a little boy.
      • Man I would be such a horrible boyfriend. I’d probably cheat on you, never shower, your heart would be broken. You should go for that guy over there. Let’s go talk to him right now.
      • We definitely should not get to know each other. You’re too much of a nice girl for me.
      • It’s too bad that you (pick a random quality of hers, like she has blonde hair) because I would totally get together with you.
      • Go talk to that guy over there (the most dorky guy there). He’s perfect for you. Want me to introduce you? Because I will…(walking towards him)
      • (look her up and down) You can’t have me.
      • I’ve eaten girls like you for breakfast. You don’t scare me.
    • 4. I LIKE YOU… KINDA
      • That’s it. I’m making you my new girlfriend. Wait. Can you cook?
      • I’m making you my new girlfriend. But on Tuesdays only. You’ll be my Tuesday Girlfriend. And if you’re good you can work your way up to my Friday Girlfriend. That’s where the real fun begins.
      • Oh my God you are so CUTE! I’m going to take you home in my little pocket and ask my roommates if I can keep you. Wait. Are you housebroken?
      • That’s it, we’re getting married. We’re gonna fly to Vegas tomorrow and get married… by a midget Elvis. You’ll be Catwoman, and I’ll be Batman. It’ll be awesome.
      • You know what I’d do with you? I’d totally dress you from head to foot in a red… PVC… Devil outfit. With horns, pitch fork, tail, and of course the bitch boots that go up to your thighs with the five inch heels. Now your friend here (the target because everyone wants to be the devil), I’d dress her head to toe in a white, PVC angel outfit. With a halo, fuzzy wings, a harp, and the bitch boots that up to your thigh with the five inch heels. And then we’d roll through the club with one on each arm and we’d make all the girls jealous. And whenever I’d have to make a decision, I’d let the two of you fight over which one is more fun. And whichever is more fun, we’d do that. (Tyler Durgen)
      • You know what I wanna do with you? I want us to go to the beach together. You’d wear a nun’s outfit and I’d wear a priest’s outfit and we’d hold hands and make out in front of everybody. And everybody would be like, “what the fuck?” It’d be awesome. -(Style)
      • You know what? I’m gonna take you back to my place tonight. I’ve got a…Honey I Shrunk the Kids machine. I’d shrink us down to the size of Ken and Barbie dolls and we’d swim and explore my fish tank. And we’d find magical new lands and have amazing adventures. (Love Drop)
      • You know what I’d do with you? I’d dress you up in black leather head to toe because you’re the bad one and I’d dress you in white leather head to toe because you’re the good one. Then I’d take you in my space ship, we’d travel the galaxy, and you’d be my space princesses. And then when we’d come back to earth we’d make all the girls jealous. (Mehow)
      •  That’s it. I’m in love with you. Now what?
      • You’re way too sexy. Get out of here. No really… go!
    • 5. WE’RE BREAKING UP!
      • I’m sorry this had to come our here tonight, but it’s over between us.
      • That’s it. I’m demoting you to my Tuesday girlfriend. But if you work hard enough you can become my Friday girlfriend. That’s where the real fun happens.
      • I’m breaking up with you. You keep the cat. I’ll keep the CDs.
    • 6. ARE YOU GRABBING AT ME?
      • Did you just go for a feelsky?
      • Hey, hey, hey. Hands off the merchandise. This shit ain’t for free. That’ll be forty dollars, missie.
      • Stop, don’t touch me. I don’t even know you.
      • Lady I’m not going to make out with you! I have a girlfriend! Jeez.
      • Will you PLEASE stop touching me? (She: Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know I was touching you.) Well you did. And if you’re going to keep doing it, I’d appreciate it if you’d touch a little Lower. (She: Touchy touchy) Yes, I don’t like being touched. So keep a foot or so between us please. *Smile*
      • So, this is the part where you grab my ass.
    • 7. OH YEAH? WANNA FIGHT?
      • You think you can take me? Let’s take this outside.
  • III. Valley Girl
    • Quit looking at my chest. My eyes are up here!
    • I swear all you girls think about is one thing.
    • At least buy me a drink first.
    • Stop treating me like a mindless piece of meat.
    • I’m not just a piece of meat. I have feelings. I’m a feelings man.
    • I wore my old briefs tonight to make sure nothing happened.
    • I need lots of trust and comfort first.
    • Easy there, hardcore. I’m dainty. Be gentle.
    • Why are girls always so logical? Why can’t they just feel and be in the moment?
    • I’m CUTE! Not smart.
    • You’re getting me all emotional. I promised my friends I wouldn’t go home with anyone tonight.
    • You’re my new BFF! Best Friends Forever!
    • Uh, whatever.
    • You would.
    • You would say that.
    • I’m putting you in my friend’s zone.
    • I’m leaving you for someone richer and older. My inner-woman is too high maintenance for you. -Style
    • Um, I have to go to the bathroom.
    • What’s that stuff they put in people’s drinks? (Roofies) Whoa! Roofies? I was going to say vodka. I put vodka in my drinks. I don’t know what the fuck is up with you guys. I cannot trust you girls. Do not leave me alone with these girls. This is a little creepy. -Lovedrop
  • IV. The Authority Figure
    • 1. I’M YOUR TEACHER — DETENTION
      • You’ve just earned yourself detention. Go to the Principal’s Office!
    • 2. I’M YOUR EMPLOYER — HIRING OR FIRING YOU
      • You’re fired!
      • You’re hired. I’m making you my new assistant.
      • You’re off the island!
    • 3. I’M YOUR POLICE OFFICER — YOU’RE IN TROUBLE
      • I’m giving you a ticket.
    • 4. I’M YOUR FATHER — SPANK! 
      • I don’t know who your boyfriend is, but he is NOT spanking you enough. Don’t look at me. I’m not doing the spanking. I’m just saying you need a good one.
      • Bad Girl! Go to my room.
      • I think someone needs a time-out.
      • No more love for you. Tough love is all you get from here on out.
  • V. The Innocent Victim — She’s Sexy or Putting The Moves On YOu
    • You’re bad. You’re making me think impure thoughts.
    • I think I need permission to talk with you.
    • Quit corrupting me. We’re wholesome people here.
    • My mom definitely wouldn’t approve of this.
  • VI. Negs
    • 1. NAME CALLING
      • You’re such a brat.
      • You’re such a dork.
      • You’re such a Power Puff Girl.
      • You usually hang out at the library, don’t you.
      • You’re like my little sister. Lovable, but a little annoying.
      • So, how long have you been a crack head?
      • So, what was it like living in the half-way house?
      • Ok, little drunk girl.
      • Dear Diary, Renaissan is such a jerk… (fill in with her complaint) (After you do something she dislikes and she complains about it.)
      • (If she curses) Uh-oh, turret syndrome. (Imitate: Shit, fuck, mother-fucker)
      • You are such a nerd…at least you’re nice
      • You would look so cute… with a mowhawk!
      • You are so bad at being pretty.
      • Check this girl out. She’s amazing, and so bright and funny. Would you believe she’s never had a date?
      • You know what I love about you? Absolutely nothing.
    • 2. OBSERVATIONS ALA MYSTERY
      • Nice nails, are they real? Oh. Well. I guess they still look good.
      • You have the cutest crooked smile.
      • Your nose wiggles when you laugh. Ha! There it goes again!
      • Nice hair, did you dye it? And you dyed it to that?
      • Nice shoes. I bet they were beautiful when they were new.
      • Do you always wear that lipstick?
      • I thought I loved you, then you pulled your straw out like that. That was the most gross thing. You probably pick your toe nails.
      • Ew, you spit on me.
      • There’s something in your teeth.
      • Delicate shoulders, slim waist, birthing hips (and smile)
    • 3. REACTING TO HER BAD BEHAVIOR
      • Man, you can dress her up but you can’t take her anywhere.
      • How do you roll with this girl? Is she always like this?
      • You’ve gotta get her out of the library more.
      • Did you forget to take your medication today?
      • Where’s your fun switch?
      • Is she always like this?
      • How do you guys roll with her?
      • Does she have an off button?
      • Wow, she poops words. I should have brought my raincoat.
      • What’re you doing? Jeez. You must’ve drove your parents crazy.
      • Alright, you’re losing me. (turn away) – (say if she says something weird after a DHV spike)
      • Did you just wake up?
      • Oh I get it. You probably act like this all the time and probably get away with it too, but I don’t buy it. You probably act like a bitch and convince people you are a bitch because so many dorks hit on you. But I bet you’re actually a really nice person. I bet you’re really loyal, and you really care about your friends and family, going out of your way for them. You’re like a piece of hard candy that’s rock hard on the outside, but at the center is soft and sweet. (Brad P)
    • 4. NON-VERBAL
      • Squint.
      • Put a finger up in her face while she’s talking so you can hear the other person talking.
      • Body Rock Away
      • Roll off.
      • Here hold this for me. (Then turn back and talk to someone else)
      • Mimic her
      • Stick your tongue out at her

2. Funny Stories… VERY, VERY OPTIONAL! In place of a banter line you can tell a funny story to make her laugh. But stories are way longer and kinda cumbersome. You really don’t need them. Banter lines do the trick faster and they’re more interactive. Interactive = way better.

These stories work only if you ACT THEM OUT. I know I keep hammering this point home. But the humor comes in the personality beneath the words. Make these stories visually fun, expressive, emotional. Act out characters whenever they speak. Also, make sure to check in with your audience, so it’s interactive.

  • I. The Restaurant
    • Get this. I was at this restaurant having lunch, the waiter walks past and I say, “Hey man, can I get the check?” And he’s like, “It’s been already taken care of.” Has that ever happened to you guys? Well, it’s never happened to me. So I say to him, “Who took care of it?” And he says, “I can’t tell you.” So, I’m like…right, one of my friends must be fucking with me. So I look around and I see some couples…some business lunches…and THEN I see this guy smiling at me from across the way. And I’m like, great. So, I go over to him and I’m like, “Listen, I appreciate it, I’m really flattered, but it’s not going to happen. I’m not GAY (goofy, dorky voice).” And he looks me straight in the eye (do weirded out look) and say, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I was so embarrassed. – Lovedrop
  • II. Wrong Number
    • Do you ever answer phone calls you don’t recognize? Don’t you think sometimes it’s a mistake though? Cuz I totally made this mistake last weekend. I get this phone call and it’s this chick. She’s like “Hey is Renaissan there?” I say “Yeah, this Renaissan.” She’s like “Oh my God, this is Melissa you’ll never believe what happened to me today.” She totally shoots off into this whole story about her day. The whole time I’m thinking, “who the fuck is Melissa?” And so finally I had to stop her and was like “wait a minute how do I know you?” And she’s like (frustrated) “Among other things, I meet you at the bars over the weekend.” I was like, it’s still not ringing a bell. She goes: “Well, do you even remember FUCKING me?” So, now I’m like holy shit what happened here? “Wait, who did you say you were calling?” This is Renaissan. RIGHT?” “Yeah. Renaissan who?” “Renaissan D. RIGHT?” “Noooo-ho-ho. You’ve got the wrong phone number.” Cuz, you see Renaissan D is my really good friend who apparently likes to give my number out to girls he never wants to talk to again. But I’ll tell you though… I know he wasn’t ready for the phone call he got because I gave her the right number. Bam.” – Joey from Pickup 101
  • III. Revolving Door
    • What should a guy of for a woman at a revolving door? Well, get this. I’m at Neiman Marcus, right? And I’m kinda walking up to a revolving door and in the reflection I see this really hot girl walking up, and I’m like “Oh my God I wanna open the door.” So, I’m pushing the door and I kind of get stuck in the compartment behind the girl. And I’m pushing the door so I’m like (demo dry humping her) Anyway, the door opens and she kinda stumbles out (act out stumble out) and she like (pause, weird look) “Um, am I like supposed to tip you are something?” Anyway, I got 20 bucks out of it. Not a bad gig. – Lance Mason, Pickup 101
  • IV. Bisexual Thug
    • Did you just grab my ass? Everyone keeps grabbing my ass. Get this. I’m out with my friends having a kick-ass time and I meet this girl that I totally hit it off with. One of my friends walks up to me and whispers in my ear (exaggerated “watch out” voice), “Hey man, I think she has a boyfriend and he’s standing over there.” I turn to look and I see this HUMUNGOUS 250 pound guy. Bald head…and he does not look happy AT ALL. His arms were folded and he’s eyeing me, looking me up and down, like this (demo) while this girl is all giggly and touching my arm (demo)…and I’m FREAKING out. So I go back to my friends and later that night I walk past the two of them and I overhear the girl say to the big guy, “Hey, there goes that guy.” And I hear this HUMUNGOUS guy say in this REALLY effeminate voice, “Too bad. He was thooooo cute. Go hurry up and find me anotfer one.” – Style
  • V. Accidental Threesome
    • Have you ever had a threesome? Well, I had my first one last week. Get this. This girl took me home and I wake up at like 4 am to take a leak. I crawl back into bed to cuddle with her and the next thing I know this guy and girl are screaming at me, “What the fuck are you doing feeling up my girl?” “Ahhhh! Rapist!” I was disoriented, so it took me a few minutes to figure out what had happened. I had crawled into bed with my girl’s roommate and her boyfriend. It was my first threesome. And let me tell you it was fantastic. – adapted from Cosmo magazine

3. Kino. Do within 30 SECONDS of opening, with Banter. Again just PICK ONE.

  • Touch her arm, step back, banter. (Example: “Hey you guys seem fun.” Touch arm. “Wait.” Step back. “You’re Republican, aren’t you.”
  • High Five or Knock Fists a girl if she says something cool.
  • Fun Handshakes and High Fives
    • DOWN LOW: Slap me five. To the side. Down low. (Pull hand away) Too slow. 
    • DRUNK GIRLFRIEND HANDSHAKE: Do you know the San Diego handshake? Ok hold out your hand (slap each side of the hand then knock fists) But a little more loose. Loosen up. Go like this (horse-like blowing out of air and shake) Good job Ok go like this. (Do handshake again) But not so hard. It hurts. (Do it a third time) That’s cool. Do you know the L.A. handshake? Okay, go like this. (shake hands, curl fingers together, thumb lock, knock fists) Nice. Okay, do you know the NY handshake? Make a fist. Now go like this. (bump fist from top, then from bottom, knock fists) Very good. Okay, now go like this. (put out forearm, squiggle each other down each other’s forearms) Again. (Do it a second time) Now one more time? (Do it a third time.) (She: what’s that? I don’t know. Some drunk girl showed me that. (She laugh but Back turn/roll off like you don’t care) (-Love Drop)
    • SAN FRANCISCO HANDSHAKE: Here’s the New York Handshake. Now do you know the San Francisco Handshake? This is how they actually shake hands in San Francisco. (Two air kisses on either side of her cheek) (in a really gay voice) Oh my gawd! You look FANTABULOUS! (Spin her around maybe?) Have you lost weight? We so have to go shopping together. You’d buy me the best cashmere sweater ever! That’s actually how they shake hands in San Francisco, I swear to God.
  • Spin Moves 
    • STEAL HER SEAT: Wait, so go like this for a sec? (put out your hand so she puts her in yours) Now stand up? (Stand her up) (Steal her seat/sit in her spot) Oh! Just kidding. I can only stay a sec. Hey, stay close. Now, get this…(story, trivia, DHV game)
    • SPIN MOVE: Here go like this (take her hand, lift it up, and spin her around) Very nice…I bet you were a ballet geek OR Very nice, very graceful. That’s what you get for being good. (she: what do I get for being bad?)
  • Hugs
    • HUG TEST
      1. Okay we’ve been talking for like 5 minutes and I have to see if you give good hugs or not. Otherwise I’m going to have to stick you into the friend zone. (She hugs you)
      2. B -.
      3. (Hug her so both your hearts touch)
      4. So many of us hug without our hearts touching.  A true hug is when your hearts touch. Now that’s a hug. A +.
      5. Okay, that’s enough. Get off me.
  • Daring Kino 
    • SPANK HER ASS
    • PICK HER UP
  • Kino Test: The kino test is HUGE. It’s like asking a question. If she answers yes, then take a step further. Then break it off first. Don’t wait for her to do it. Always leave HER wanting more. This is the dance of seduction.
    • KINO TEST #1
      • You’ve made the girls laugh. When you’re about to leave (a.k.a. “false takeaway”) reach out your hand and see if she takes it.
      • If she takes your hand, squeeze it. If she squeezes back, STAY!
    • KINO TEST #2
      • Here’s another trick. After the handshake, slide your fingers off her hand. That way it’s no longer a “business as usual” handshake, but a sensual one… in a subtle way.
      • Get your ass back in the set, qualify her dammit! “Are you a creative person?” You can then test her “creativity” by isolating her within the set and doing something like the Cube on her.
      • If she’s slow to go for the high-five, she’s probably not attracted yet. Continue with your takeaway and leave. You can come back later. When you do, demonstrate value to her friends. If you’ve won over her friends, you’ll probably win her over, too.
    • KINO TEST #3
      • Here’s another kino test. Let’s say you high-five her instead of shaking her hand. If she complies, don’t release her hand yet. Instead, take her hand that’s still in yours and put it behind your back, out of the view of the others.
      • Squeeze her hand. If she squeezes back, move your fingers to her fingers and play with them. This is EXTREMELY sensual. And the best part is it’s discreet. If she doesn’t move her hand away, she’s definitely attracted. Throw her hand away and roll off.
      • As always, you’re balancing interest with disinterest here. It also shows you have self-control.

4. Contingencies. It’s good to have a few contingencies prepared. You’ll hear the same old questions over and over. And the same shit tests. And the same interrupts. And the same whatever else. It’s good to be prepared, so you’re not thrown off guard by any of these patterns that WILL come up.

  • I. What do you do?
    • I’m a glorified bum.
    • My passion is… (fill in whatever your passion is… speaking EMOTIONALLY rather than factually)
  • II. Where are you from?
    • From the glimmer in my father’s eyes.
    • Well, my mother is Caribbean and my father is Italian. It’s funny because Caribbeans are know for their incredible carnivals, and Italians are known for food, wine, festivities, the fine things in life. And I turned out to be a bookworm. Go figure.
  • III. What’s your name?
    • Justin…Timberlake.
  • IV. How old are you?
    • I’m 65. Let me order. I get the senior discount.
  • V. Do you have a girlfriend? (Credit: Brad P)
    1. No (ashamed, sad). I have 8 girlfriends (happy like a 4 year old)! Yeah it’s no big whoop, it’s not big deal. They all get together and swap recipes so they can learn how to cook my favorite food. But I’ll tell you something—and I don’t usually do this—but I’ve been searching for a ninth girlfriend. And I don’t know you very well yet but I have a really good feeling about you and I want to know if you want to be my ninth girlfriend. Right now. (she wants to be #1)
    2. I know, I know. I’ll tell you what. I NEVER do this, so please don’t tell anyone, but I can make you #6, right now. I’m making you #6. (she still wants to be #1)
    3. You know what? I can make you #3, but that’s my final offer. Final offer. (She accepts)
    4. Hey guys, I don’t know if she told you, but we’re boyfriend and girlfriend, so I’m going to spend a little alone time with my girlfriend. We’ll be back in a little bit.
  • VI. You’re short.
    • Yes I am. Great things come in small packages.
  • VII. Will you buy me a drink?
    • I’d be happy to. But let me get to know you better first.
    • Why don’t you buy me a drink?
    • I don’t even know you yet.
    • What, do you go around asking all the guys this?
    • This is moving too fast.
    • Oh my God! Are you trying to get me drunk?
  • VIII. Will you hold my purse?
    • You gotta be kidding me you just asked me to hold your purse. Do I have to give you the look?
  • IX. Any other demand
    • Before I do that, give me at least one compliment.
  • X. I have a boyfriend.
    • Maybe he can make us breakfast in bed.
    • Cool. Anyway…
    • That’s cool. I have an uncle that has 5 cats. 4 blue ones and 1 red one. He dyed them blue and red. You should check it out sometime. Anyway…
  • XI. Do you say this to all the girls?
    • Yes, you’re the 512th person I’ve said this to today.
  • XII. Does this make me look fat?
    • Yeah I wasn’t going to say anything.
  • XIII. She says something egotistical:
    • I’ve eaten girls like you for breakfast.
  • XIV. Any Shit Test.
    • Cute.
    • Anyway.
    • Whatever.
    • The capital of France is Jupiter.
    • 7+3=947.
    • Do you always wear that lipstick? Anyway…
  • XV. External Interrupts
    • Introduce me, it’s the polite thing to do.
  • XVI. Internal Interrupts
    • Hello I’m talking here. Jeez. Is she always like this?
    • May I finish my sentence first?
  • XVII. She Gets Distracted
    • Hey ADD Party’s over here.
    • Hey, Party’s over here.
  • XVIII. Extreme Rudeness
    • Oh, that was weird.
    • Wow, that was rude.
    • Wow, you’re really snotty, aren’t you.
    • Anyway…
  • XIX. Playful Questions
    • I just figured out where you’re from. The Congo! (or whatever obviously is opposite to her nationality)
    • I bet I can guess your major. Underwater Basket Weaving.
    • I bet I can guess what you do. (Cold read her)
  • XX. Playful Compliments
    • You are so adorable…it’s sickening!
    • Oh my God, you’re a ballet dancer? That’s so cool! …I can’t even talk to you right now.
    • You are the shit…too bad you’re not my type.

A2 ATTRACT, part 2 of 2. (Introduce Who You Are a.k.a DHV)

Again, pick only ONE! Are you sick of me saying this yet? Practice it five times to commit it to memory, five times in front of the mirror to get the delivery right, and five times out in the field. Master just one. Then you can move on and learn another.

I know I’m giving you a lot of stuff here, and it can be overwhelming. But remember it doesn’t mean you gotta learn em all before you go out. You only need ONE solid DHV, followed by one solid qualifier.

Okay, so where are we so far?

So far, you’ve opened, you’ve bantered, and you’ve softened your banter with a little appreciation. For example, to soften your banter you could say something like “you guys seem cool. You don’t mind a complete stranger coming up to you and bantering.” Or whatever you come up with.

After you’ve done that, now it’s time to ANCHOR that attraction with some substance. She’s probably asking herself now, “who is this person?” Answer it. In other words, introduce who you are to her. Some examples.

1. Tell Her What Your Passion Is. Below is my own personal passion. Obviously fill it in with your own.

  • My passion in life is writing. And I can’t think of better way to have stuff to write about than to go up to complete strangers and talk with them. Are you a passionate person? What lights you up?

2. Make An Observation About Her. These are great because you’re showing value but IN TERMS OF HER. Help her and her friends have a good time. Show your personality by taking the spotlight off yourself.

  • ::: THE RINGS ROUTINE :::
    1. I have to ask before I run. Do you always wear a ring on that finger? (OR if she’s not wearing rings) Do you usually not wear any rings?
    2. The reason I’m asking is the finger a person chooses to put a ring on says something about their personality. Someone did this on me and I don’t how much truth there is to it, but she nailed me down pretty good. The fact you wear a ring on that finger (OR that you wear no rings) says something fascinating about you.
    3. Here, let me see your hand. Back in ancient Greece, each mound represented a different god. And a person back then would put a ring on the associated finger to honor that god. (Save the finger she has a ring on for last)
    4. For example, the thumb represented Hades, the god of the underworld. He was one of the few gods that lived separate from Mount Olympus, just like the thumb is separate from the other fingers. So, someone who wears a ring on this finger is independent and doesn’t like to follow other people’s trends. Instead, they like to make their own.
    5. The index finger was Zeus, and he was the king of the gods. And just like when a mother is scolding their daughter (act this out), someone who wears a ring on this finger has an inclination to take charge.
    6. The middle finger was Dionysus, the god of wine and partying and having a great time. And just like this finger represents something that’s not G-rated, someone who wears a ring on this finger has a little bit of a wild side.
    7. The ring finger is one of the coolest. This was Aphrodite, the goddess of love. And you can look this up, it’s true. This finger is the only one that has a vein that goes straight to your heart without branching off. (demo line going from finger to her heart). So anyone who wears a ring on this finger is actually making a direct connection with their heart. That’s why to this day we’ll wear our wedding ring on this finger.
    8. Finally, the pinky finger was Ares, the god of war. And you’ll notice a lot of mobsters will wear their ring on this finger. Someone who wears a ring on this finger has some inner turmoil or conflict within. They like to fight. And if you had given someone a pinky ring back then it mean “fuck you” or “go to hell.”
    9. And for someone who doesn’t wear rings, like me that meant you were aligned with Hermes. He was one of the most mischievous of the gods. And he was the one that flew from Mount Olympus to earth. So, someone who doesn’t wear rings is open-minded, loves to travel, likes to be helpful, but has a little bit of a mischievous side. And that’s definitely me.
    10. So, you are…
    11. Is there any truth to that?
    12. So, what about you. (Qualify) – Style
  • ::: THE BEST FRIEND TEST :::
    1. Okay, I have to ask. How long have you known each other? (She: answers)
    2. See I knew that. (She: how?)
    3. Well, for one, you have the same exact smile. And for two, well, let me just give you the test. I’ll give you the Best Friend Test. (She: agrees)
    4. Do you use the same shampoo? (They look at each other first)
    5. You don’t even have to answer, you already passed. You looked at each other before even answering the question. You just did it again. And again.
    6. See, if you weren’t close, you’d keep eye contact with me. But when two people have a connection, they make eye contact first, even over something as mundane as shampoo.
    7. You guys are awesome. Too bad I’m taken though. (or whatever disqualifer/neg) How do you guys know each other? – Style
  • ::: EYE ACCESSING CUES :::
    1. I just learned this cool thing. What’s amazing is you can learn whether someone’s lying or telling the truth by reading their eye movements. For example, if you could take a vacation anywhere in the world, where would you go?
    2. The reason I asked you is because I wanted to see how your eyes moved. We all favor different directions when we think about something. People who are visual will look up for a picture. (demo)
    3. People who are logical, like lawyers and accountants tend to look to the side when they think. (demo)
    4. People who live in their emotions, or who learn by touch, look down when they think. (demo)
    5. You are a — person because you looked —
    6. The thing is, we use them all at different times, depending on what we’re experiencing. But you can tell a lot about how a person thinks by what direction they favor the most.
    7. Return to topic of their ideal vacation, connect then qualify… – Style
  • ::: C & U SMILES :::
    1. Smile for me again? Ah, you have a U Smile.
    2. The U Smile is when you smile and your teeth go straight back into your mouth like a horse. It’s perceived as unfriendly.
    3. The C Smile is when you smile and all you see is a row of pearly whites in the front. It’s perceived as friendly.
    4. Brittney Spears has a C Smile and Christina Aguillera has a U Smile. And if you ever look on the cover of like Cosmo or Glamour, you’ll see the girl always has a C Smile.
    5. I heard about this girl in L.A. who took the theory so seriously that she actually had her teeth surgically removed so she could have a C Smile. She wanted to become a Pop-Star and thought that would help her chances—L.A. girls are crazy anyway.
    6. But you have a U Smile. But don’t worry, I still think you’re hot–in that short school bus sort of way. – Style
  • ::: BRAD P’S PALM READING ROUTINE :::
    1. (Bend her wrist, so multiple lines show) One line means you’re a virgin, two lines means you have average sex experience, and three lines means you’re a super sex expert, sex guru, sex ninja. And you have like 12 lines.
    2. By looking at this, I can tell that you’re great in relationships, you make a great girlfriend. And right now you’re kind of dating around, seeing a few different guys, and the weirdest thing is happening to you. You tend to go on one or two dates with a guy, and then you think that you like him. After two dates, you lose all attraction for him and you don’t know why.
    3. Now by looking at this, I can tell that you have a very good sense of humor. It’s kind of an off beat sense of humor. Okay, do you see this line that intersects with it? That means sometimes you don’t get the joke. Like has your friends ever asked if you have blonde roots?
    4. Okay, now this is your life line and you have another line that’s parallel to this. Now by looking at the parallel line I can tell what you were in a former life. You were a mermaid/unicorn/butterfly/lady bug/horse/or any other female friendly animal. Now your life line is really long. You’re going to live to be very, very old. But there’s a split in it. Now what this is, is this is a near death experience. You’re going to go into the tunnel, you’re totally going to see the light, and then you’re going to come back and the world is going to look a lot different to you. It’s going to be a real intense experience.
    5. Now, a little further down you have another cross and what that is, is that is a life changing experience. Okay, hold on, hold on, (close eyes) I’m getting a vision, I’m getting a vision, I’m getting a vision. Okay, I can see it. (open eyes) You’re going to meet a handsome, caramel-flavored man when you’re in you twenties (or however old she is). It’s going to be a life-changing experience. I can’t quite make out his face but he’s wearing (describe what you’re wearing) and standing in a bar. Oh, it’s gone. I lost it. I’m sorry. But that’s your future right there.

3. VERY VERY SUPER OPTIONAL. Honestly, I shouldn’t even put these in. You don’t need any of these silly routines. They don’t create attraction. They’re just entertaining filler, like bubble gum or soda or a magazine quiz.

They’re useful only if you’d like something to multiple thread with. That is, if you see one of the girls in your set losing attention, you can bring her back by throwing one of these goofy things out there. But seriously, you don’t need em.

  • I. Trivia with Numbers (used to multiple-thread)
    • 1. ::: 9’s :::
      • Okay here’s a piece of useless trivia. How many 9’s are there between 1 and 100. It’s actually 20. Because you have to count 90, 91, 92, 93, and 99 you count twice. – Mystery
    • 2. ::: DAYS IN A HUMAN LIFE :::
      • Okay, here’s a sobering fact for you. How many days do you think there are in an average human life? Don’t try to do the math or anything, just tell me the number that you think it is. 28,000. Isn’t that sobering? It just goes to show how limited our time on this earth is. Makes you ask what you’re doing with your life, doesn’t it. My passion is… What’s yours? – Adapted from Mystery
    • 3. ::: CONSECUTIVE DAYS :::
      • Here’s a brain teaser for you that I couldn’t even get. Can you say three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday? Answer: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow.
    • 4. ::: ESP :::
      • So, do you believe in ESP? No, yes…? Well, let’s try a little experiment.  I’ll see if I can read your mind. Pick a number between 1 and 4. Don’t say it outloud, just think it and I’ll try to read you mind. Ready? Was it three? Was it really? Okay, let’s up it up. Think of a number between 1 and 10 and I’ll try to read. Don’t say it out loud, just think it. Was it seven? It wasn’t? You’re shitting me. C’mon. Well, that’s why ESP is bullshit. Last try. Think of a number between 1 and 1. Don’t say it out loud, just think it… – Mystery
    • 5. ::: THE LYING GAME :::
      • Okay, let’s test to see how good of a liar you are. This is the Lying Game. It makes it a little fun if get a wager involved. How about a dollar? Okay, these are the rules. I’m going to ask you 5 questions and you have to answer each one of them wrong. If you get one right, then I win. But if you get all questions wrong, then you win. Okay? 1. What’s the color of my shirt? 2. What city are we in? 3. What month is it? 4. How many was that? 5. Man, you’re good at this. Have you played this before? OH! I got you! Gets ‘em every time. If you ever want to get a free drink, this is how you do it. Oh, and by the way, for playing you get to be part of the PEN15 Club. Here (write PEN15 inside her forearm) Go ahead and read it. (It’s supposed to say “penis”) I swear, everything that was funny in seventh grade is funny again as adults. Why is that? – Style
  • II. Jokes, Unanswered Questions, and Trivia: (used as filler)
  • 1. Bad Jokes
    • 8 9: Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 ate 9.
    • AIR & SEX: Why is air a lot like sex? It’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.
    • POPCORN: What did the baby corn say to the mom corn? Popcorn.
    • PENIS IMPLANT: Yeah, I don’t mean to brag or anything but I got a bit of plastic surgery done, and it went really well. Yeah, well it cost a lot of money, but it was totally worth it. Well, it’s a secret. Ok. I got a penis implant. (Proudly with the feeling that you’re enormous now) I’m 4 inches now. -Brad P
  • 2. Unanswered Questions
    • CONGRESS: If con is the opposite of pro, then what’s the opposite of progress? (congress) Exactly.
    • ONE HAND CLAP: What’s the sound of one hand clapping?
  • 3. Useless Trivia
    • ELVIS: Get this. Did you know that Elvis dyed his hair black? Guess what his natural hair color was. Blonde. (Well, dirty blonde) No one really know why he dyed his hair black. Some say it was because he was a big admirer of Roy Orbison, others say it was because his mother dyed her hair black, and still others think it was because he thought it would bring out his blue eyes more. In any case, can you imagine the man who revolutionized rock n roll, the king, as a blonde Beach Boy. Just doesn’t seem the same. See this? All natural. What about you? Oh, cool. And you changed it to that? – Adapted from Mystery
    • CUTTING ONIONS: Did you know that if you chew gum while chopping onions, it stops you from crying?
    • ANIMALS: Elephants are the only mammal that can’t jump. Kangaroos can’t walk backwards. Penguins are the only bird that can swim, but not fly.
    • THE THREE MOST TOLD LIES: What are the 3 most told lies? The first is, the check is in the mail (or we’ll call you) The second one is, look this is only going to hurt a little bit. And the third one is, “oh come on. I’m not going to come in your mouth.”  -Lovedrop

A3 QUALIFY, part 1 of 3

In my humble opinion, qualification is more important than DHV. It’s the turning point of the attract phase. Get to the turning point as soon as you can so you can move the story along. And get to the turning point within 3 – 5 minutes. Sometimes you can even open with a qualifier… if she shows signs she’s interested before you approach. Without qualification you won’t get to the next phase, you won’t be able to connect with her.

Qualification is more important, in my opinion, also because it makes her invest. DHV you’re doing the work, in qualification, she works. Besides, you get to learn about her. Along with DHV, qualification creates mutual self-disclosure. Again, it begins a connection with her, yet challenges her at the same time.

Qualification is basically banter/neg in question form. It’s not just a comfortable “get-to-know-you” question. There’s an edge. It’s like an interviewer wanting to see if a candidate makes the cut or not. Same thing here. Does she make the cut for you? You’re evaluating her. It implies you’ve got high status, and it makes her work to convince you she’s “good” enough for you.

The community makes a big deal out of negs/DHV. Banter is the key to attraction. But so is qualification. What’s your goal when you approach? Banter first. Then get to qualification. By the way, you can qualify within the set or you can do it in isolation.

As always, I’m gonna give you a ton of qualifiers, but guess what? You only need to pick one. Amazing, right? Credit goes to Mystery for most of these. Pick the one that sounds like it fits your personality. Here goes.

1. What’s Beyond Your Looks?

  • What makes you unique?
  • So, what have you got going for you besides your looks?
  • Is there more to you than meets the eye?
  • What are your three best qualities?
  • There are lots of beautiful women here. But more important than beauty is a positive outlook, a curiosity and willingness to grow (or fill in three qualities that are important to you). Outside of your good looks, what would make someone want to get to know you better?
  • Who are you?
  • What type of character are you?
  • Are you adventurous?
  • Are you fun?
  • Are you spontaneous?

2. Are You Passionate?

  • Are you a passionate person?
  • What are you passionate about?
  • What lights you up?
  • If a genie came along and you could be POOF anything you want to be… what would you choose? And don’t say princess.
  • What’s something you could do for hours?
  • What’s something you enjoyed doing when you were seven?
  • If you could be famous for anything, what would it be?
  • What’s the one thing you can’t say no to?
  • You know, a lot of people say they’re going to do a lot of certain things, but when it comes down to it, it’s just talk. Are you like this?

3. What Abilities Do You Have?

  • What talents do you have that would surprise me?
  • Can you cook?
  • Can you dance?

4. What Interests Do You Have?

  • If you could choose any art to do, what would it be and what would it be about?
  • If you could wake up anywhere in the world tomorrow, where would it be?
  • What would you do if money were no object?
  • Is there something you’ve dreamed of doing for awhile? Why haven’t you done it?
  • If you came across a genie one day and he could give you any wish, what would it be? And don’t say I wish for more wishes.
  • If a genie gave you a million dollars, what would you do with it?
  • What do you want to be when you grow up? And don’t say princess.

A3 STATEMENT OF INTEREST, part 2 of 3

  • Oh my God I LOVE this girl!
  • You know what? You’re actually pretty cool. I’m curious about you.
  • Are you single?

A3 ISOLATE OR NUMBER CLOSE, part 3 of 3

1. Isolation Close

  • (To her friends) Hey guys, I’ve been kind of mean to your friend. Is it okay if I talk to her for a sec? We’ll be right over there. (kino: lead her by the hand or put her arm on yours and lead her to an isolation spot in the venue.)
  • (To her) Hey, check this out… (turn your back so you’re just facing your target instead of the whole group and do something like the cube. Mini-isolation. Credit: Lance Mason)

2. Number Close

  • We should totally hang out sometime. Let’s exchange info and we can grab a cup of tea. (After you exchange numbers, don’t leave. Talk for a bit. You could even call her right there and then on the phone and flirt.) Hello, this is the sex god. Man, I just met this great girl. She’s really cute and smart and I’m really excited about meeting her. (Whatever. Make her laugh, then hang up and make a date) So, when are you free? (Set up the date right NOW to avoid phone game later. Ask what HER schedule is like. Don’t constantly offer up days that she can say she’s not free on. Now you can jet. Talk a few minutes after you exchange numbers, and it’ll avoid buyer’s remorse for her.)
  • I’m having such a great time but I gotta get going. We should totally get together again because I love talking with you. What’s the best way to get a hold of each other again? (Note: the word “because” increases the chance of her complying. Doesn’t even have to be a good reason. Just adding the word “because” in there makes it more likely she’ll agree.)

PHASE TWO: COMFORT

CREATE AN EMOTIONAL CONNECTION

1. DHV/Emotional Connection. These can be done right after you qualify her, during the attract phase. For example, Style’s Eliciting Values routines works great as a followup to the question “what are you passionate about?” But you can use these in isolation too.

  • ::: STYLE’S EV ::: (Taken from “Rules of The Game,” by Neil Strauss)
    1. Hey, as long as we’re talking, let’s do something interesting. Someone just did this with me recently. It’s a great, quick way to get to know someone. In fact, a lot of people don’t even know this about themselves. (What’s that?)
    2. It’s just three questions. It’s easy, and it’ll tell you what really drives and motivates you in life. (That would be cool. What’s the first question?)
    3. The first one is: If you had to choose one thing you need to have in your life in order to feel like life is worthwhile, what would it be? [OR name something you really enjoy doing.] (She answers)
    4. Okay, if you have {worthwhile thing} in your life, what kinds of things does that allow you to do or experience? [OR Describe your perfect experience of {worthwhile thing}. Either the best time you had doing it or your ideal scenario of {worthwhile thing}]. (She answers)
    5. Okay, imagine a time in the future or even now hen you have {worthwhile thing} in your life. And this enables you to do {use her words to paint a picture of worthwhile thing}. How would that make you feel inside? (I don’t know) You smiled as you were imagining it. What was that feeling you got inside? (names feeling)
    6. Yes, that’s it. {Feeling} is your core value. In other words, it’s what really motivates you. Some people say they want to be an actor, and they think it’s because they want to be famous. But the truth is, what they really want is to feel {feeling}. And it’s funny, because when we were talking about imagining it earlier, you actually felt it for a second. It was really cool. (She: Yeah, I did)
    7. Awesome. We fulfilled you life goal in five minutes. You can die now. (She laughs). But seriously–and this is the real lesson–whenever you have to make an important life decision, whether it’s about a job or a guy or a friend, just ask yourself if it brings you closer to that feeling. If it does, then you should pursue it. If it doesn’t, then you should move away from it. (She: Wow, that’s really interesting)
    8. That’ll be fifty dollars. I don’t do this shit for free you know.
  • ::: ROSS JEFFRIES’ “INSTANTANEOUS CONNECTION” PATTERN ::: The words in caps are words to emphasize slightly. They are “embedded commands” for a woman to feel those feelings.
    1. Have you ever felt an INSTANTANEOUS CONNECTION with someone? Like maybe as you were there, looking at them, and you started to LISTEN INTENTLY, it was like there was a CORD OF LIGHT going from you to them? And as that cord began to GLOW, WITH THE WARMTH of that connection, maybe you were even able to IMAGINE A TIME IN THE FUTURE, say six months from now, still FEELING THAT SENSE OF INCREDIBLE CONNECTION, and LOOKING BACK ON TODAY as having been the start of it? (She: Oh yeah)
    2. See, I think it’s so funny how some people can JUST DO THAT and LET IT HAPPEN because for me it takes longer. But I do find that in the course of an evening, as you REALLY LISTEN to someone, and you START TO RECOGNIZE those values in them that you hold so dearly for yourself… WITH ME that’s when you can MAKE THAT CONNECTION and FEEL THAT GROWING BOND.

2. Emotional Connection. This is the meat and potatoes of emotional connection. A lot of comfort is normal but interesting conversation, but to create an emotional connection it can be very helpful to sprinkle one or two of these routines.

  • ::: STYLE’S “SECRET SELF” ROUTINE ::: (Taken from “Rules of The Game,” by Neil Strauss)
    1. You know, a lot of people try to repress the parts of themselves they don’t like. But that never works. When you try to repress something, you’re basically pushing it down on a spring. Eventually, it’s going to release full force and take over your personality. It’s interesting, because a friend recently did this psychological test with me, and it taught me that instead of denying the parts of yourself you don’t like, there’s a better way to handle them. (What’s that?)
    2. I’ll tell you what. I’ll quickly do it with you. It’s just four questions. But for it to work, you have to be totally honest. (Okay)
    3. The first question is the toughest. What’s the part of your personality that you like the least? This is the part of yourself that you don’t like to show other people–your secret self–which maybe you sometimes even wish you could get rid of. (She says a negative trait)
    4. Okay, if you could give this part of you a name, what would it be? For example, a friend of mine said his problem was that he was too controlling, and he named this part of him Dexter. (Okay, I’ll call it —)
    5. Good. What does {name} look like? Describe her features and what she’s wearing. For example, my friend said Dexter was a red baby, floating in the air with a pitchfork and a forked tail like a devil. (She gives a description)
    6. Okay. Now here’s the key question. That part of ourselves that we don’t like probably once had a purpose that no longer serves us. So if we give it a new purpose that’s helpful to our lives, we don’t have to repress it anymore. For example, when my friend did the exercise, he had to find a useful job for his controlling nature. And since he’s an actor, he made Dexter his manager. So Dexter helps him rehearse, gets him to the set on time, critiques his performance, and drives him to make the right choices about his career. Another friend of mine had an anger problem, but now he uses that energy as his personal trainer in the gym to make him work our harder. So for {name}, what job can you give her that would be constructive to your life rather than destructive. (She give her a job)
    7. That’s perfect. So {name} cam be your {job}, and help you with your life rather than hindering it. It’s a pretty amazing exercise. I think we need to talk about something shallow now, though, like reality TV.
  • ::: THE CUBE ::: (Adapted from The Pickup Community)
  1. Have you ever done the cube? It’s a personality test. Once you do the cube, you can never do it again. It’s rumored to be of ancient Sufi origin. There’s no right or wrong. I’m just going to ask you to imagine a few things, and I’ll tell you what they mean afterwards. Cool?
  2. Imagine a landscape. And in the landscape there’s a cube. Do you see the cube? Is it big or is it small? Is it on the ground or is it floating in the air? Is it transparent, can you see through it or is it solid? Any particular color or design?
  3. Ok, add to this a ladder. See the ladder? Where is it in relation to the cube? Is it tall or is it short? Is it easy or hard to climb up it?
  4. Now, picture some flowers. Do you see a few or a lot? Where are they? Are they all one kind or different kinds? Okay, describe them. What do they look like? What color are they? And when you see them, what’s your first thought? How do they make you feel?
  5. Okay, add a horse. See the horse? Where is it? What’s it doing? What does it look like? If you gave me three words to describe the personality of this horse, what would they be?
  6. Okay last thing. Add to the picture a storm. See the storm? Is it violent or gentle? Where is it? Is it faraway or close up? Is it fucking shit up or is it more quiet?
  7. Do you want to know what all this means? I just made it up. It’s a joke. Are you mad? (laughs) No, I’m kidding. It actually means something. (joke ala Style)

Answer Key:

>>> 1. Cube : represents you. The bigger the cube, the bigger your ego. If the cube is transparent, you are open to others, you don’t hide anything from your friends or family. If you cannot see through the cube, it means that you are a private person and don’t talk much about yourself.

If the cube is made out of something solid and strong, it means that you are a strong person. If it is soft, it means that you can be easily influenced and you are emotional.

How you think about the cube represents how you think about yourself. A cube which is on the ground indicates that you are down to earth, while a floating cube shows that you are a dreamer. If you see the flat side of the cube, you have a shallow personality, if you see the cube in 3D, you have a deep personality.

If the cube is in the centre it means that you like the attention and you like to be praised.

The color of the cube represents your personality. In general, if the cube is light you are a positive person and the darker it is the more negative you are. However it may not always be so, you should always pay attention to how you feel about the color. If you like the color then you are a likeable personality, it the color seems cold to you, you seem distant to people.

Here is a general guide to the cube colors:

  • Black can represent the dark side.
  • White symbolizes innocence and a non-judgemental personality.
  • Red is the color of dominance and power.
  • Yellow color of the cube shows that the person loves attention. It also represents playfulness and optimism like the sun.
  • Green represents compassion.
  • Blue represents knowledge and calmness.
  • Purple represents luxury.
  • Brown shows stability. Brown is the most common cube color among men.

>>> 2. Ladder : The ladder represents your ambitions. If it’s easy to climb you might feel your ambitions are easy to attain, hard to climb and you might feel it’s difficult. Tall ladder is high ambitions, a low ladder is low ambitions. If the ladder is far away, your ambitions might feel distant, close to the cube and it’s attainable.

(The ladder can also represent your friends. The closer the ladder to the cube, the closer you are with your friends. If the ladder is leaning against the cube, this indicates that some friends are relying on you or expecting you to act according to their wishes.

If the ladder is far away from the cube, it may mean that you either have no friends or you don’t consider their friendship important to you. You either mentally or physically like to distance yourself from your friends. The more rungs the ladder has, the more friends you have.)

>>> 3. Flowers: Flower/s : The flower represents your children. If the flower is close to the cube, that means you are close to your children. Many flowers or no flowers represent whether you want lots of children or none. What you feel about the flowers indicates how you might feel about having children.

>>> 4. Horse : The horse represents your ideal partner and how you behave in relationships.

If it is a wild horse, it means that you give freedom to your partner, if the horse is tied it means you want to be in control and you always want to know where your partner is and what he/she is doing. If the horse is tied to the cube that shows that you are a very possessive person.

The distance between the cube and the horse shows how close or distant you are in relationships. How the horse behaves also shows what kind of partner you would like to have.

If the horse is running or does not stand for long in one place, it means that you want to have a partner that would like to travel, would be full of energy and would always be involved in something. If the horse does nothing but stands or eats, it means that you want to have a partner that likes to be at home and rarely travels.

The look of a horse can also indicate the physical features of your ideal partner. The better the appearance of the horse, the better looking partner you would like to have.

>>> 5. Storm : The storm is the problems in your life and how you deal with difficulties in life. If it is a big storm, then you always try to make a drama out of something. If the storm is small and far away from you, it means that you are a calm and positive person and you don’t like being angry and try to quickly shift your mood if you notice that anger gets activated in you.

The storm can also represent current problems in your life. If, whilst seeing storm in your mind’s eye, you think that it will stay there for a long time, you think the same way about your current problems.

If you see a big storm, it means that you currently experience big problems in your life. The proximity between the storm and the cube also shows how intensely these problems affect you.

8. Isn’t that cool? How accurate was it?

  • ::: THE PSYCHOLOGICAL TEST :::
  1. Wanna take a psychological test? I’m gonna give you the psychological test to see how screwed up you are. (Notice the neg) It’s just four questions.
  2. 1) What’s your favorite color and three reasons why. Like what do you like about the color? What adjectives would you use to describe it?
  3. 2) If you could be any animal, which would it be and three reasons why. Like what are the three things you like best about the animal? How would you describe it?
  4. Okay the next two you have to use your imagination.
  5. 3) Imagine you’re in an all white room. No windows, no doors. Just you alone in this white room. What are three feelings you’re feeling. First things that come to mind.
  6. 4) Imagine you’re waist high in water, any pleasant water that comes to mind. What are three feelings you’re feeling.
  7. Ready for what it means?
  8. 1) Your favorite color is the impression you give off to others, how others perceive you.
  9. 2) The animal you picked is who you are, how you really view yourself.
  10. 3) The white room is how you feel about death. Have you ever heard of those people who had a near death experience? You know what they say they saw? Exactly, a white light. And when you die you have to do it alone, and there’s no escaping it. That’s why there’s no windows or doors. So your answers make perfect sense.
  11. 4) The water is how you feel about sex. In psychology they connect water to sex, probably has something to do with the exchange of bodily fluids. But anyway, that’s how you feel about sex.
  12. Pretty cool. Then I go into a story about how I first learned this test. My freshman year in college, my roommate’s aunt who was a professor of English gave us this test. And for the last question I said I just want to keep going further and further. I was so embarrassed. Can sometimes lead into a discussion about sex, death or their personality…
  • ::: FOUR PERSONS :::
    1. I gotta share this really cool thing with you. Are you into personality tests at all? Well, there’s this theory by that there’s basically four types of people in the world. We can find out which person you are. It’s three basic questions.
    2. Question #1. Do you consider yourself to be more introverted or extroverted? For example, if you felt like you had to recharge your batteries, would being alone recharge your batteries or would you prefer to be out among people?
    3. Question #2. Do you consider yourself to be more emotional or rational? For example, if you had a major decision to make, would you get out a piece of paper and write out pros and cons, or would you go by what your feelings told you?
    4. Question #3. Think back to one of the best relationships you had. It doesn’t have to be with a boyfriend. It can be with a best friend or a sibling or a parent or whatever. Got it? How did that person make you feel? Powerful? The center of attention? Smart? Valued?
    5. Okay, what I’m going to do now and tell you the four persons. And tell me which one YOU think you are. Not what others might say you are. But what you think you are.
    6. I’ll draw a square on a napkin with a line down the middle vertically and through the middle horizontally. At the top I write: RATIONAL. At the bottom I write: EMOTIONAL. On the right I write: EXTROVERTED. On the left I write: INTROVERTED. Top right quadrant: Red, Top left: Blue, Bottom left: green, Bottom right: yellow.
    7. The first person is called “Red.” These people make the best CEOs. They like to take charge and be the boss. They’re not afraid of confrontation. They can be a little arrogant and pushy and assertive but they tend not to be the best listeners. Their key emotion is to feel powerful. Red is power. They’re Rational and Extroverted.
    8. The second person is called “Blue.” These people make the best psychoanalysts and professors. They enjoy studying and reading and knowing and analyzing. They’re more calm. Sometimes they can be a little indecisive. Their key emotion is to feel intelligent. Blue is like the sky, abstract or bird’s eye view. They’re Rational and Introverted.
    9. The third person is called “Green.” These people make the best poets and artists. They’re more the peacemakers. They don’t like confrontation, but like to get along. They make the best listeners. They’re supportive, and don’t like to be the center of attention. They tend not to be super assertive, and can get taken advantage of. Their key emotion is to feel valued. Green is associated with peace. They’re Emotional and Introverted.
    10. The fourth person is called “Yellow.” These people make the best actors. They’re the most fun people. They like to be the center of attention. They’ like being in the mix of things and feel excited and inspired. They can get distracted a little easily, their attention goes wherever the most excitement is. Their key emotion is feel important or the center of attention. Yellow is like the sunshine. Bright and happy. They’re Emotional and Extroverted.
    11. Yellow is the complete opposite of Blue. And Red is the complete opposite of Green.
    12. Okay, out of all those, which one do you think you’re more like? Again what YOU think, not what others say you are.
    13. (Point out how their answers to the first three questions match which person they picked.)
    14. So, here’s the thing. The theory says we’re all born with a temperament, and we lead with that one. But we actually have all four colors in us. We also have a secondary personality. Which do you think is your secondary color?
    15. So, your third is probably…
    16. Jung thought your secondary can never be your opposite. In the rare case that it is, you’re either crazy or a genius. But your object in life is to integrate more of the fourth color with your primary. So, if your primary color is — that means you need to integrate more of the (fourth color). For example (list some of the characteristics of the fourth personality). Jung would say once you do that, you become a more whole, integrated human being.
    17. Isn’t that cool? Now, which one do you think I am?
    18. Oh my God, we’re totally compatible! We should get married right now.
  • ::: THE QUESTION GAME ::: (Taken from “Mystery Method,” by Mystery, and I put in my own questions as well as questions from “The Book of Questions” by Gregory Stock)
    1. Have you ever played the Question Game? Well, there are RULES…
    2. Rule One, you ask a question, then me, then you, and so on, back and forth.
    3. Rule Two, you have to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Like truth and dare because I don’t know how weird you really are. (Notice the neg)
    4. Rule Three, you can’t ask the same question that’s already been asked.
    5. Rule Four, you have to ask questions that let skeletons out of the closet. Take advantage of our anonymity.
    6. Oh, and Rule Five… you go first. (She: That’s not fair!)
    7. (The following are some possible questions. You can create your own of course. You probably don’t need more than 10 questions.)
    8. How many boyfriends have you had?
    9. Tell me a secret.
    10. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
    11. If I were to look in your DVD player right now, what would I find?
    12. If you were down what would you watch as your comfort food movie?
    13. If I were to look on your iPhone, what would I see on your playlist?
    14. What is your most favorite place that you’ve visited?
    15. If you had to get away from it all, just to get settled down, where would you go?
    16. Ever had a rough breakup?
    17. Ever been to the ER?
    18. Ever performed on stage?
    19. When did you first get drunk?
    20. Can you cook?
    21. What’s your favorite food?
    22. What’s your favorite store to shop in?
    23. If I could grant you any superpower, what would it be?
    24. If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do?
    25. If you had a penis for a day, what would you do?
    26. If you could kiss any of your girlfriends, who would it be and why?
    27. If you could fuck any guy here, who would it be and why?
    28. How long should a girl wait before having sex?
    29. What’s the craziest place you’ve had sex?
    30. You know, when a guy first fingers a girl he usually only uses one finger, but the girl almost always asks for two, sometimes three. Do you think a guy should start off with one finger or two?
    31. If you woke up tomorrow anywhere in the world, where would it be?
    32. If you could take a one-month trip anywhere in the world and money were not a consideration, where would you go and what would you do?
    33. Let’s say you’re all alone and you have no fear of being laughed at or looked down upon by others, what sorts of things would you do?
    34. If you were as outgoing and uninhibited as you want, what would you like to do?
    35. You’ve been given the ability to travel to any period in history, where would you go? Would you do anything to change the course of history? Would you come back?
    36. You’ve been given the ability to travel to any period in the future, where would you go?  Would you do anything to change the course of history? Would you come back?
    37. Let’s say a millionaire will donate a million dollars to you or to a charity of your choice IF you step—completely naked—from a car onto a busy downtown street, walk four blocks, and climb back into the car. There is absolutely no risk of bodily danger. Would you do it?  It begs the question how comfortable we are with our bodies? What’s the big deal about being naked—that’s how we were born.
    38. If you were to wake up on a warm morning by yourself in the nude and were going to laze around the house, how long would you wait to put clothes on? I think it’s great when a woman is comfortable with her body—there’s nothing sexier or confident in the world.
    39. If you could choose anyone in the world—living or dead—to be your dinner guest tonight, who would you choose? What about as your friend and as your lover? Which begs the question, what do you look for in a friend that you might not want in a lover? And what do you seek in a lover that you haven’t found yet, or that you had once but want to find again? (…And also, what did your last boyfriend not get about you?)
    40. If you could script the basic plot of the dream you’ll have tonight, what would the story be about? Or, what would you want your dream to tell you tonight?
    41. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
    42. You’ve just found out that you’re going to die next year suddenly. If you knew this, is there anything you would change about the way you’re living now?
    43. If a genie came along and *poof* could make you be anything in the world you wanted to be (without fear of failure—rock star, supermodel, whatever) what would it be? And don’t say princess.
    44. If you could choose any art to do, what would it be and what would it be about?
    45. What would you do if money were no object?
    46. Is there something you’ve dreamed of doing for awhile? Why haven’t you done it?
    47. If you came across a genie one day and he could give you any wish, what would it be? And don’t say I wish for more wishes.
    48. If a genie gave you a million dollars, what would you do with it?
    49. What do you want to be when you grow up? And don’t say princess.
    50. What’s your favorite Disney movie?
    51. What was your favorite children’s book?
    52. Who was your childhood idol?
    53. Have you ever wished you were of the opposite sex? Which do you think has it easier in our culture, men or women? And what do you think is the main difference between men and women? Is the difference inherited or learned?
    54. Have you had satisfying sex in the last three months? If so, what made it good or less than good? Or, what’s the best sexual experience you’ve ever had? What makes great sex for a woman? I’ll tell you what makes great sex for a guy—enthusiasm. Not just a girl who lies there like a dead fish. But a girl who gives it her all, who really gets into it, isn’t afraid to make noises, scream, let loose, be uninhibited, willing to experiment…there was this survey done on guys that asked what they would like to see their woman do more of. One of the top 3 or 5 things wasn’t anything kinky at all but something as simple as a girl letting her guy go down on her. That letting loose, enthusiasm really turns us on. I’ll tell you, there’s nothing sexier in the world for a guy, than a woman in ecstasy?
    55. Do you believe in any sort of God? If not, and you found yourself in a life-threatening situation, would you still pray? What about angels and spirits? Do you believe in these at all?
    56. If you were going on a long trip, would you roll your clothes, fold your clothes, or just throw them into your suitcase?
    57. In conversations, do you tend to talk or listen more? What kinds of things do you usually talk about, or like to talk about?
    58. Does the fact that you’ve never tried something before increase or decrease its appeal to you?
    59. (These are my personal turn-offs) Do you have tattoos?
    60. Do you smoke, drink, do drugs?
    61. Do you like horror movies?
    62. What’s the craziest place you’ve had sex?
    63. Who was your best lover?
    64. What was your best sexual experience?
    65. What was the one thing your last boyfriend didn’t get about you?
    66. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
    67. What is the greatest disappointment in your life?
    68. If you could change anything about the way that you were raised, what would it be?
    69. What is your most treasured memory?
    70. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
    71. What do you fantasize about when you masturbate?
    72. Have you ever been attracted to a woman?
    73. How often do you masturbate?
    74. What’ do you like best about sex?
    75. What’s your favorite position?

3. Your Grounding Story. This is part of the meat and potatoes, too.

  • ::: YOUR GROUNDING STORY ::: Credit: Mystery
  • When your girl asks “what do you?” your Grounding Story is the response. Instead of saying something factual like “writer” or “doctor” or “waiter” you can tell her a story that helps her relate to you better. It grounds your identity to her reality.
    1. Well, when I was little I wanted to be… (Tell stories and ambitions as a child)
    2. When I was a teenager (What may have changed in adolescence… maybe an obstacle to overcome)
    3. Now I’m a writer and where I’m going next (what I’m doing now and what I want to do next, what I ultimately want to do).
  • A trick I learned from Mehow: at each story point in the way, ask about her childhood, her teenage years, where she is now and where she wants to go. This makes is interactive, and you get to learn about her.
  • Also, Lance Mason has a great variation on this. Instead of telling the story factually, you can tell your Grounding Story in terms of a metaphor. For example, comparing your life to a caterpillar in a cocoon on the verge of breaking free. What does your life feel like? What image is it like, an image anyone can relate to?

4. Pre-Empt Last Minute Resistance. To avoid last minute resistance later down the line in the bedroom, set the right frame early on during comfort. Also, if you want to let her know you date multiple women, let her know early on during comfort.

  • ::: THE WORD SLUT IS BULLSHIT ::: (Improvised, based on Lance Mason)
  • The word slut is such bullshit. There’s no equivalent word for a guy. Call a guy a slut and it’s like a compliment. For a girl it’s degrading. I think it’s awesome when a girl doesn’t play by those outdated standards. A girl who’s spontaneous and adventurous. There’s nothing sexier in the world.
  • ::: DATING MULTIPLE WOMEN ::: 
    • BANTER. Banter that you have multiple girlfriends, or lots of girls chasing you. See Brad P’s “Eight Girlfriend” Routine for an example. It’s listed under “V. Do You Have a Girlfriend?” in “4. Contingencies” in A2 Attract, Part 1 of 2 (Banter)
    • I’M POLYAMOROUS. (Credit: Joshua Pelletier from “How to Date Multiple Women”)
      • You: “How did your last relationship end? (Ask pen-ended questions about her last relationship)
      • She: “Oh, he was jealous. It ended. Whatever.”
      • You: “I don’t have that problem anymore because I changed something about the way I’m in relationships now. But yeah… I remember what that was like and it completely sucks!”
      • She: Talking about jealousy, fear, lying, apathy, or selfishness.
      • You: “You know that doesn’t happen in a polyamorous relationship. Have you ever considered just being polyamorous with guys that make you feel that way?”
      • OR… You: “That guy over there seems to be digging you. You want me to introduce you to him? Seriously. You can hookup with any guy you want to. I’m polyamorous. I’m completely comfortable with that.”
      • She: “What is polyamory?”
      • You: “Well, poly means many and amory means love or lovers, so polyamory technically means I have many loves or many lovers, many girlfriends at the same time.” Sometimes I might add “I have many girlfriends or many lovers, and if I meet someone not comfortable with it, I don’t date them. I am completely open and they all know about each other ahead of time.”
      • If she’s not cool with it, then you don’t date her.
      • 7 POSSIBLE OBJECTIONS
        • Objection #1: “I could never do that.”
        • Response: “You know, it’s not for everybody, but if you ever meet a guy who’s confident enough as a man, comfortable enough in being polyamorous and who’s actually really good at it, then I highly suggest you try it out. I really think you should. It’s one of the most amazing experi- ences. A lot of women that are dating me are doing it for the first time. They haven’t done it with any other man though some of them have other guys that they’re dating and that’s awesome. There aren’t a whole lot of guys that know how to do it right, but if you ever run into another one, I highly suggest you try it out.”
        • She: “Okay, yeah, I’ll try that out” (they will),
        • You: continue talking as if nothing has changed.
        • Objection #2: “Are you sleeping with all of them?”Response: “Well, yeah, most of them. I mean I’m not going to date them and then depriving them of sex. But we also agree to have a complete 100% protection rule. We always use protection. But, yeah, I’m sleeping with most of them.”
        • Objection #3: “What kind of girl would actually do that?”
        • Response: “Girls like you, girls that are confident enough, comfortable with me, and trust me. They’re no different than you or some of the other girls in this place. Most of the girls with me are polyamorous for the first time. They don’t have a lot of experience with it outside of me. But for some reason, they are just really comfortable with me.”
        • Objection #4: “Do they all know about each other?”
        • Response: “Absolutely. It usually comes up in the first five minutes of talking to a girl. And they’re completely comfortable with it. I can tell pretty quickly if a girl is comfortable with it or not. It’s very important that if she’s not comfortable with it or she’s not interested in learning how to be comfortable with it, then I don’t date her. I don’t sleep with her, nothing.”
        • OR: Do they all know about each other? Yeah, of course, they do and if they don’t, I don’t date them at all.
        • Objection #5: “So you’re cheating then?”
        • Response: “Well, no, I’m not cheating. These girls all know about each other and they all know that I’m sleeping with others. They are all completely cool with it.”
        • OR: “No one is cheating. There is no cheating. You cannot cheat. If anyone tried to cheat they wouldn’t be able to because there is no commitment, so there is no cheating.”
        • Objection #6: “So you never want to get married?”
        • Response: “Of course, I want to get married. I definitely do. But the girls that I’m dating are not the girl I am going to marry. They’re just not the one for me. I’m not going to settle for anything less than absolutely perfect for me. I don’t think they should either. Neither of us think that we’re right for each other, long term, and we’re both very honest about that. Someday I will meet a girl that is perfect for me in every way. I hope I get married to her.”
        • OR: “No, I don’t ever want to get married. This is perfectly fine. I’m very happy with this lifestyle and the girls that I’m with are very happy and someday they’ll probably get married and they’ll leave and that’s okay.”
        • Objection #7: “What kind of girls are these girls?”
        • Response: “Well, they are from all sorts of walks of life. There’s a girl that I’m dating that’s a profes- sional kite boarder. She’s really athletic. There’s a girl that I’m dating that is in poetry school. There’s a girl that I’m dating that’s a barista. There’s a girl that I’m dating that’s a doctor at a hospital. There’s a girl that I’m dating that is a stripper, one that’s a hippie, and another that’s a poker dealer at a casino.”
        • If you don’t have any girlfriends: “Are you sleeping with all of them?”… “No, not all of them”, is perfectly fine. “What kind of girls are they?”…  “The girls I’ve dated in the past are from all walks of life.”
      • 4 REINFORCEMENT TECHNIQUES
      • • #1. Ask her opinion of other girls: “What do you think about that girl?” “Do you think she is cute?”
        • #2. Fish for jealousy: “That girl is hot.”OR: Approach another girl with her: “Hey we were just talking about how cute you are.”If she get jealous, bad sign. She won’t be okay with you sleeping with other girls.
      • •#3. Don’t be available: “Hey, I won’t be available to hang out until Thursday.”If she ever asks you to cancel plans, this is a problem. Reinforce polyamory: “I don’t cancel plans for you but I’ll around Thursday night. Remember this is a polyamorous relationship. I’m still here for you, but on my own terms.” If that doesn’t work, run. You’ve got a jealous girl.• #4. Don’t build rapport too fast: Get things sexual fast. THEN build rapport. Too much rapport before sex can lead to hurt feelings, confusion or anger. Keep the emotional connection mellow, until later.
      • AFTER SEX:
      • It’s okay to cuddle and connect with her. But connect like a friend, not a boyfriend. Keep things light with some fun banter, or go into normal conversation or light rapport, not the deep rapport.
      • DON’T make any plans with her. She can tell you about her problems, she can ask your advice, she can share what is going on in her life, but once she starts trying to talk about her future with you, cut it off. Make it clear that this relationship is not shifting into monogamy.If you can, let her stay. Have breakfast. If she needs a ride, give her one. Once she leaves, keep searching.

5. Kino. Kino gradually becomes more intimate in comfort. Push the boundaries slightly, but not too much. More specifically, move from touching her on the arms and hands to her legs.

  • Touch her leg with your leg
  • Touch her leg with your hand
  • Lean in to smell her while her arm is in yours for example, “Man, you smell so fucking good.” Then back off, “You know what I’m not even in that head space” OR “Mm, Mm, no, none of that now.”
  • Dance
  • Kiss

PHASE THREE: SEDUCTION

SETTING A ROMANTIC/SENSUAL MOOD

In my experience, you don’t need any of these routines to kiss a woman, except for the triangular gaze. You can actually go for a kiss within 20 minutes of meeting her! If you’ve been doing kino all along and she’s laughing and having a great time, she wants to be kissed. Just don’t make out… yet. Break off the kiss first. Keep the sexual tension alive. The kiss is simply comfort building. Save making out and foreplay for when you’re alone.

So, really these routines are just training wheels. Again, if she’s laughing, talking with you, giving you her attention, you can lean in and kiss her. But if you don’t feel comfortable doing that yet, here are some ways to keep your mouth moving while you make the move. Again, the most important routine here is the last one… the triangular gaze. And remember, be the one to break off the kiss first. Keep her chasing.

1. Romantic Questions. These questions can shift the conversation from casual to romantic.

  • BEST BOYFRIEND: Who was your best boyfriend and why?
  • LAST BOYFRIEND: What was the one thing your last boyfriend didn’t get about you?
  • MOVIE ACTOR: Which actor do you find most attractive and why?
  • LOVER VS. FRIEND: What do you look for in a lover that you don’t look for in a friend?
  • IDEAL DATE: I was reading about this romantic date and it was amazing. Imagine this: you’re out with a man you really like and find really attractive. You are sitting in this gorgeous outdoor restaurant, overlooking a lake. The autumn colors are just perfect. The air is fresh and smells so great, you feel like you don’t even need to eat, just sit there and breathe that sweet air. Anyway, that’s how the book put it. And you have this incredible date as the sun goes down over the water, the stars come out and then the moon rises, and the two of you feel so connected, so in love, you know what I mean? What would you say is your most romantic moment ever? (Credit: How to Succeed with Women, by Ron Louis & David Copeland)
  • ATTRACTED: What does it feel like when you’re really, really attracted to a man?
  • IN LOVE: what does it feel like when you’re in love? How do you know when you are in love?
  • KISSING: What’s your favorite thing about kissing?

2. Ross Jeffries’ Patterns. You don’t need these. But they can set a woman’s mood for sex beautifully.

  • ::: DISCOVERY CHANNEL :::
    1. I was watching the most interesting show on the Discovery Channel about roller coasters. They were interviewing this guy who designs rides for amusement parks and he said there are 3 things that go into designing one: you need excitement, safety, and fascination.
    2. Excitement: You know that first long, slow vertical climb on the roller coaster? You can feel the adrenaline pounding through your body as your body shudders with anticipation? The closer you get to the peak, the faster your heart beats and the faster your breathing moves. You’re scared as hell but you also feel this growing excitement, like this tingling in your stomach. And when you reach the peak, you surrender to the drop and scream with excitement.
    3. Safety: At the same time you have to feel safe and secure, so you can trust that being on the ride, you’re not going to get hurt. You have to know that this roller coaster is so secure and strong  and safe that you’re not going to get hurt. You feel so totally safe and secure that you can let go. It’s the comfort and safety that allows you to feel excitement.
    4. Fascination: Lastly, if you want to get back on the ride and do it again, you’ve also got to feel a sense of fascination and unpredictability. This ride has to have so many twists and turns that you don’t know what’s going to happen next, but you know it’s going to be good. As soon as you get off, you just want to climb back on and take it again and again, multiple times.
  • ::: BLOW JOB :::
    1. Step one: Compulsion vs. Anticipation. I find it so interesting that whole subject of how people connect with their desires and their hopes and dreams. You know, it reminds me of this article I was reading about compulsion. And it got me to thinking about the differences between compulsion and anticipation.
    2. Step two: Define Compulsion. Compulsion is when you do something without even thinking about it. Like, you ever find yourself just reaching for the refrigerator? And before you know it, your hand is already on that door handle and you’re looking in the refrigerator and you stop and think, “Oh my God, what am I doing here?” Well, that’s an example of compulsion.
    3. Step three: Define Anticipation with 3 Examples. But anticipation is where your mind anticipates pleasure before it actually arrives.
    4. Example 1: Bath/Shower. For example, you ever come home from a really rotten day at work? All you can think about is dropping every stitch of clothing and climbing into that steaming hot bath or shower. And before you can even get in, you can already imagine that heat working its way through every part of your body. And then there comes that actual moment, that moment of sliding in, where you just release completely, and let that pleasure take you completely.
    5. Example 2: Chocolate. Or another example might be… do you like chocolate? What’s your favorite kind of chocolate? Well, do you ever get a piece of chocolate; instead of eating it right away you save a piece, you put it aside and you think about it all day long. You think about what it would be like to put this in your mouth, where you tease yourself, you hold it right in front of your lips. ANd you begin to imagine the soft, creamy texture against your tongue. You imagine that first moment where that first molecule, sweet, touches your taste cubs. YOu imagine that moment where you just… wrap your tongue around this and there’s this explosion of pleasure, like an orgasm, in your mouth.
    6. Example 3: First Kiss. The other example I can think of is, have you ever been with someone and you both know there’s a real attraction here but you don’t say anything? There’s that moment where you stop talking and you just lock eyes with that person… and you know there’ something about to happen. You begin to… imagine that first wonderful kiss. You imagine that first soft brush of the lips. So soft you’re not even sure you’re kissing yet? And then there comes that moment where you do begin that first kiss and there’s that jolt of electricity that just goes shooting through you?
    7. Step Four: Conclusion. See, I think what happens is that the conscious mind can go down into the unconscious and come back with all these… idea and fantasies… and thoughts. See, being very intellectual, I used to think all my thoughts came from above me, but now I know so much of the important thoughts come from below me, Debbie, because you’re coming from a much deeper place from inside your mind.
  • ::: BLAMMO :::
    1. Step One: Discovery Channel
    2. Step Two: Instantaneous Connection
    3. Step Three: Sub-modality. See, everything in the mind has a structure to it, even the experience of connecting with someone. I learned this really cool things about NLP, a form of psychotherapy that was mixed with hypnosis back in the 70s. Okay, check this out. Think about someone you really like for a second. Got that? Now point to where you see that person in your mind. Okay now think of someone you don’t like that much, maybe someone who’s made you feel bad about yourself. Now watch this. Take that picture of the person you don’t like and try as hard as you can to move it over into the place in your mind where you see the person you do like. See that? It doesn’t want to move, right? Because you need a way to sort out who your really like from who you don’t. Isn’t that cool?
    4. Step Four: Visualization. Okay, now here’s something else NLP developed. It’s called visualization. See if you can remember a time when you were feeling exquisite pleasure in your body. Look at yourself as if you were on a movie screen. Can you see yourself? Okay, now instead of looking at yourself, enter into your body as if you were there. See the colors you’d see, the scents you’d smell, the sounds, the tastes, the feel of your skin. Now, the second felt more real, right? This works great in everyday life. Because focus on negative thoughts, and it puts you in a bad mood and creates a negative reality. Focus on positive thoughts, and it lifts your spirits and creates success.
    5. Step Five: Anchoring. Now, here’s the final piece to NLP. It’s called anchoring. If you want to snap out of a bad mood, this can help. Have you ever heard a song that had good memories associated with it, and instantly you’re there in that good memory. Same idea. You combine a great feeling with a sound or touch. Repeat that sound and touch and you’re supposed to feel those feelings again. So, here, let’s try it out for shits and giggles. Close your eyes. Feel that exquisite pleasure in your body again, as if you were there in your body. See how what you saw, hear what you heard, feel how it felt. Just feel wonderful. Take all the time you’d like. And when those feelings of exquisite pleasure reach their peak, lift your thumb for me. (Touch her on inside of wrist or elbow) Perfect. And just hand on for a minute to how good it feels. Great. Okay, open your eyes and look at me. Close your eyes again and put your mind back into that place. Let your mind go. Surrender to how good it feels. Feel how wonderful your skin feels, smell the lovely scents, taste the tastes, hear the sounds. As you feel those feelings build and they reach their peak, lift your thumb for me. (Touch her on the same spot) Great. Hold onto those feelings as you open your eyes and look at me. All right, now the third time is the magic time. So, close your eyes again and allow yourself to enjoy that experience so deeply. Notice how every inch of your skin feels. Notice every sound, whisper, sigh, whatever sound you hear, every feeling, and all the things you’re seeing, the colors. And as it begins to reach its peak, life up that thumb and let me know. (Touch) Great. Now hold onto those feelings and really enjoy them. Open your eyes and look at me. Now, as I said the idea behind anchoring is when you combine a feeling with a touch or a sound, and when you repeat that touch or sound, you’ll feel that feeling again. So, if I were to say to you, you know, I fund that when I spend time with someone, and I really start to feel that sense of incredible connection, maybe then you can feel just perfect (Touch). And that feels great, doesn’t it? Isn’t this interesting? Isn’t the mind really cool?
    6. Step Six: In Love Sub-modality. Now notice something else. You ever just fall head over heels in love with someone? As you’re remembering that time, point to where you see that picture. (Touch) So watch… as you think about that space remember his voice… and allow his voice to come from that space. It’s like the warmth of his voice, the deep, rich warmth of it just starts to penetrate your consciousness, and spread all through your body. As your heart beats faster and your breathing increases, the warmth just heats up into a fire. A fire spreading through your chest and down through your belly. A fire pounding and pulsating all through you, down to where you really long to have it go. Until that desire for him just becomes utterly overwhelming and you just surrender to it completely.
  • ::: LOVE VS. IN LOVE :::
    1. Have you ever thought about the difference between attraction and being in love?
    2. Could you say they take place in different settings? Attraction is what you experience in the presence of that person. But falling in love is when you’re not in that person’s presence. For example, remember a time when you just totally fell for someone. Remember what that feels like?
    3. So, what may have happened was you spent some time with him, had a great time, and when you went home, you thought about him. You list all the qualities about him that you like. Then you get that feeling, right in the pit of your stomach that starts to spread out and you feel those feelings of love for him. Can you feel that as I describe it to you?
    4. And then here’s the kicker. You start saying his name out loud, bringing it up in conversations with friends, dance around the house, singing his name… hehe
    5. It’s almost like falling in love is a process. And when you do that process with someone, and let it happen, that’s when the magic takes over, the magic we’re all really looking for. The real magic is when it happens instantly and you know it right away. That’s an incredible feelings, right?
  • ::: RELATIONSHIP VALUES :::
    1. Phase One: Eliciting Her Relationship Values. What’s most important to you in a relationship? (She: Mutual admiration). That is an important one. How do you know when you have mutual admiration? (She: examples, experiences, stories, feelings) I agree… that’s a powerful one. Well, what else is important to you in a relationship? (She: sense of humor… NOTE: this is a quality, not a value. Steer her to values) Well, I know that’s an important quality fir a person to have, but what does a person’s sense of humor allow you to experience that you wouldn’t otherwise experience? (She: fun and enjoyment) Of course… why be with someone if they’re no fun? And what has to happen for you to know you’ve got fun and enjoyment with someone. Do you have examples? (She: examples, experience, stories, feelings) Wow.. that would be great to be with someone like that. Well, what else is important to you in a relationship? (She: trust) Wow… that is an important one. How do you know when you have trust with someone. (She: examples, experiences, stories, feelings)
    2. Phase Two: Ranking values from MOST to LEAST important. Of those three values, mutual admiration, fun, and trust, which is most important? If you could only pick one, which one would it be? (She: fun and enjoyment) Well, I could see that. Of mutual admiration and trust, which is more important? (Her: mutual admiration)
    3. Phase Three: Later on (Hours or weeks later). I think we’ve got the start of something here, and I think it’s based on fun and enjoyment, trust, and mutual admiration. Isn’t it a wonderful thing to experience?
    4. And  BE that need she wants fulfilled.

3. Sexual Subjects. These will get a woman thinking about the pleasures of sex within normal conversation. Best to wait to bring these up after you’ve created an emotional connection with a woman.

  • ::: STYLE’S “NANCY FRIDAY” ROUTINE ::: (From Rules of the Game, by Neil Strauss)
    1. Women are so much more fascinating than men. For example, there was this professor in the sixties who wrote a book and said that women were incapable of sexual fantasies. (She: That’s not—)
    2. I know, exactly. Obviously it’s not true. So this woman named Nancy Friday wrote a book in response called “My Secret Garden.” And to disprove his theory, she interviewed hundreds of women about their sexual fantasies. Where men’s fantasies are handed to them on a silver platter and encouraged, making most of them pretty much the same, women live this much more exciting and varied fantasy life. I think this is because women’s sexuality is often repressed when they’re found. They’re told “That’s bad.” So their sexuality is held back, and eventually starts to flower in dynamic, wonderful ways. (She: That’s interesting)
    3. Yea, so Nancy Friday interviewed these women who were basically in relationships where they have even had oral sex and had sex only in the missionary position, and they had these wild fantasy lives. So she says that a woman’s mind is like a house. And each room contains a different fantasy. There’s the anonymous sex room. There’s being with other women, being watch by an audience, being dominated, being a prostitute, or even transforming during sex into something or someone else. Obviously not every woman has all these rooms in her mind. Like, for example, when you’re alone and thinking about something that gets you excited–and it doesn’t have to be anything you’ve ever done or would ever do in real life–do you think about something that’s in one of those rooms, or something completely different? (She: I guess–)
    4. It’s funny. A lot of people think things that get them excited but actually want them to remain just fantasies. Like, I dated someone whose fantasy was to be on stage strapped in stirrups in this mechanical device, while these robots had sex with her and an auditorium full of doctors in white lab coats watched. (Pause) And, no, we never did end up doing that. (She: Describes her fantasy)
    5. That’s interesting. It’s amazing. Women can have all these different kinds of orgasms–vaginal, clitoral, blended, full-body–and usually they can have many of them, back to back. While a lot of guys only get this one little release that isn’t nearly as pleasurable. So you’d think it would be women who chase men for sex and not the opposite.
    6. Change to a nonsexual topic to allow her to think those thoughts…
  • ::: NY TIMES ARTICLE ON FEMALE DESIRE ::: (Based on January 25, 2009 article I read in The New York Times Magazine by Daniel Bergner)
    1. I just read the most fascinating article in The New York Times about female desire.
    2. 3 females scientists tried to figure out how it works. Scientists. FEMALE scientists. Here’s the problem they were tying to solve.
    3. There was this experiment done where straight guys and girls and gay guys and girls watched the same videos of: straight couple having sex, 2 guys, 2 girls, naked girl doing aerobics, naked guy walking down beach, bonobos having sex. Their desire was measured objectively and subjectively. Objectively the guys had an apparatus over their penis to gauge swelling. Girls had a plastic probe in their vagina to measure blood flow and moisture through their walls. Subjectively, the guys and girls had to rate how aroused they were after watching a scene.
    4. Guys were straightforward. Subjective and objective measurements matched. Sexual orientation matched. No arousal at the bonobos.
    5. Women were a whole different ball game. Their genitalia reacted more to the bonobos than to the naked guy walking. They reacted more to 2 girls than 2 guys. Not only that, the lesbians said their desire was low for the straight couple, but their genitalia said otherwise. The straight girls said their desire was low for the lesbian couple, but their genitalia said otherwise.
    6. Why did their vaginas differ from their words? And why they get turned on by bonobos?
    7. One scientist thought it was because women’s desire is actually in their minds, not in their bodies. Their bodies were more like an evolutionary mechanism to detect sex. The naked man who was not erect didn’t give off sex signals, but the bonobos did.
    8. The second scientist argued women’s desire happens through emotional connection or intimacy, not sexual preference. That explains why women didn’t respond according to their listed orientation. Women’s orientation transcends labels.
    9. The third scientist said women’s desire is narcissistic. Her desire comes from being desired. This explains why the naked woman turned her on more than the naked man. She imagined she was that desirable woman, and the thought of being desired aroused her. This also explains why the #1 sexual fantasy women have is to be raped or dominated. Because the man desires her so much, he loses all control for her, and this turns her on. As well as she gets to be dominated.
    10. The conclusion? No one knows what women want, not even women who are scientists. But that’s exactly what I love about women. They’re a mystery to be solved. They are desire itself. And they want a man who knows how to allow her let go and just unleash her desire.

GOING FOR THE KISS. You can kiss her within 20 minutes. The kiss is just comfort building. I’m repeating myself, but these routines are just training wheels. You don’t need them, except for probably the triangular gaze.

  • ::: STYLE’S “EVOLUTIONARY PHASE SHIFT” ROUTINE :::
    1. Oh my God you smell good, what are you wearing? (She tells you) Oh my God that smells good. (Smell her near her shoulders up toward her ears) It’s funny because animals when they mate, they get all the information they need about someone just from the scent. Scent tells us so much. And I don’t think we guys value it enough. A woman’s sense of smell is 40 times better than a guy’s. And the animal part of us is actually wired to respond when someone smells us.
    2. And the thing I miss most about having hair OR the thing something I really love is when someone reaches up and grabs your hair and just pulls it from behind. (As you say this, go up the back of her neck, get a good chunk, pull it back fairly hard) It’s great because you’ll notice that lions, when they’re mating will actually bite the back of each other’s manes and they’re wired to respond to this. Or cats will pick each other by the scruff of the neck.
    3. What’s fascinating is that the parts of your body that bend the most have the most nerve endings and the parts that you see the least are the most sensitive, like behind the elbow (touch behind her elbow), the knee (touch behind her knee). I don’t know if anyone’s done this to you or not but if you bite the crease in there it’s the best feeling in the world. And next time you’re with a guy you should have him try that. (She: Why aren’t you trying that?) Okay, what the hell. (Bite her inner elbow. Take a big chunk of skin and bring it slowly and firmly together. She gets the chills)
    4. You know what the best thing in the world is? Is biting on the neck, right here on the side of the neck. This has to do with the fact that it is where the jugular vein is most exposed and since most sexual fantasies have to do with submission and vulnerability, it sends all the fantasy signals flying. Bite my neck. (50% of the time she won’t. If she doesn’t…) Okay. (Turn away for 5 seconds) Bite my neck. (She’ll bite your neck) Oh my God on a scale of 1 -10, that’s a 6. Here’s how you bite. (Bite her neck) Okay try again.
    5. Triangular gaze, and kiss.
    6. NOTE: You don’t need all this preamble. It’s just to keep your mouth running in case you’re nervous. You can cut right to the triangular gaze and the kiss.
  • ::: I’M TRYING SO HARD NOT TO KISS YOU ::: (Credit: Style and Mystery)
    1. God, I’m trying so hard NOT to kiss you right now. Stop looking at me like that. (If she holds eye contact or looks down shyly, go for the kiss.)
  • ::: TRIANGULAR GAZE ::: 
    1. Push hair out of her eyes or touch necklace
    2. For one second each, look at her left eye, then her right eye, and finally her lips, and back to eyes. Blink slowly, look deeply, and shut up.
    3. For the kiss, go 90% of the way, and let her come other 10%.
    4. Don’t kiss too long. Keep it short, sweet, and light. Leave her wanting more.

EXTRACT TO SEDUCTION LOCATION.

The best way to extract her is by first “bouncing” her to another venue. Invite to go to the bar across the street. Or get pizza or something. When you enter a new place together, you get that “couple” feel. Once she moves to one new location with you, it’s more natural to invite her back to your place. Bounce her first. That’s the best way to invite her up.

  • I wanna show you my <insert thing to check out, like guitar/aquarium/movie>. Just for a sec. Then I’m kicking you out.

END GAME: FOREPLAY & SEX

  • Smell her hair and neck for like ten minutes without kissing or touching her. Creates massive sexual tension. (Credit: David DeAngelo)
  • Style’s “Evolutionary Phase Shift” Routine could work here too.
  • David DeAngelo’s “Two Steps Forward, One Step Back.”
    • Take two steps forward, and stop.
    • Continue where you left off, push the boundaries a little further, and stop.
    • Continue where you left off, push the boundaries a little further, and stop.
    • Until you get to sex.
  • Vin DiCarlo’s “Escalation Ladder.”
    • 1. After making out with her, kiss her neck and ears. These areas are immensely sensual for a woman.Here’s a cool move while you’re kissing her. Reach up her neck, grab a fistful of her hair and pull it from behind. Massive turn on for her. Probably has something to do with your dominance, and her submissiveness.
    • 2. Next, lift the back of her shirt up, and touch the skin of her back.
    • 3. Lift the front of her shirt up and the front of yours so the skin of your stomachs touch.
    • This is such a gorgeous moment. The first time your skins touch, it’s like ahhhhhhhhh. And it turns women on A LOT.4. Now you can start kissing her stomach and her sides, and slowly move up her body.Or lightly run your fingers down her body. Either way take your time and savor her body. Here’s some things you can do.
      • Take time to smell and enjoy how wonderful she smells. Isn’t the way women smell amazing? David DeAngelo once recommended just smelling a woman for 10 minutes straight without touching her. Creates FANTASTIC sexual tension.
      • Caress the parts of her skin where her clothes touch, like the skin next to her bra strap, or where her skin touches the top of her panties. Immensely sensitive.

      As Style says, the parts of the body that bend the most have the most nerve endings, and the parts you see the least are the most sensitive. So touch her, caress her, lick her, even bite her behind the elbow, behind the knee… you get the idea.

      • You can also take her shirt off and feel her tits here. But warning…

      …save kissing and feeling up her tits for LAST. And save sucking her nipples for ABSOLUTELY last. Kiss or lick around her nipples before kissing or licking her nipples. Most guys dive in for the nipples first. Distinguish yourself by saving them for last.

      5. After her shirt comes off, feel up her ass.

      Her pussy is now a step away.

      6. Stimulate her pussy from behind, rather than from her front.

      This is Vin’s genius idea. He points out every guy who goes for sex, moves in from the front, but it’s easy for her to resist. Moving in from her ass is unexpected. And damn effective.

      But don’t dive straight for her pussy. Start by touching the area around it first. Then you can start fingering her from behind. Once she starts panting and moaning…

      7. …finger her from the front. Take off her panties. Get her turned on so much that she’s begging for you to put it in.

      The only thing I would add to DiCarlo’s plan, is DeAngelo’s “two steps forward and one step back.” Escalation to sex doesn’t have to be this linear. Stop and smell the roses along the way. In fact, definitely do this. It feeds sexual tension, and her desire.

      8. Even though she’s begging for you to put it in, you don’t have to. In fact it’ll turn her on if you don’t yet. Penetrate her when you’re ready. And penetrate her inch by sweet tortuous inch, making her ache for your cock for however long you can control yourself.

      She’ll be so close to the edge of orgasm before you’ve entered her fully that by the time you slide your entire length of you cock inside her, it probably won’t be too hard for her to surrender to the drop.

      9. Put a pillow under her pelvis or lift her pelvis somehow.

      source: cosmopolitan.com

      It makes it easier to hit her G-spot with your cock. Oh, and have plenty of condoms.

      10. While you’re in her, take the lead. Pull her hair. Suck her tits. Vary the strokes and speed–fast, hard and shallow, slow, soft, and deep. Stop and continue later. Talk to her. And most important of all, be PASSIONATE as all hell.

      11. Make sure she has an orgasm before you do.

      12. After you’ve both cum, hold her afterwards. Either share the silence or tell her how beautiful she is.

      “Afterglow” by Alonzo Adams

      Obviously, giving her great sex is a whole other topic. Where your opener was dominated by words spiced with kino, sex is dominated by kino spiced with words.

      But just as kino and words aren’t separate in the first step, they’re not separate in step seven. David Shade once said your most important tool isn’t your tool, it’s your voice. So, talk. Make sounds. Stimulating her mind as well as her body is one key to great sex.

      CONCLUSION

      I know I’m beating a dead horse here…  but just pick six really quick, simple “gambits” for your attract phase to start.

      Pick:

      1. a reason for talking with her (i.e. an opener)
      2. a banter line joined with appreciation (do this IMMEDIATELY after your opener–within TWO sentences)
      3. a DHV (statement about–who you are)
      4. a qualifier (question about–who is she?)
      5. a statement of interest
      6. a way to isolate/close her.

      Practice each gambit five times to memorize it, five times in front of the mirror to get the delivery right, then five times out in the field. This will get the gambits into your bones. Then you can learn a new one, and go through the same process again.

      If you get to qualification with five different sets in one night, you’ve mastered the attract phase. Now you can move on to practicing comfort. Add three more routines that:

      1. creates an emotional connection
      2. kiss close
      3. extracts her to the seduction location

      Practice up until foreplay. Once you get to foreplay, study how to give women orgasms.

      Congrats. You’re a Casanova. Better than that, the going through this whole process will change your life. I know it did for me.

      And do me a favor. Let me know how it goes for you. Best of luck.

      Your Buddy,

      Renaissan

 

The Six Human Needs

Gotta share this awesome insight from Tony Robbins.

Tony Robbins Shallow Hal

Tony Robbins listening to Shallow Hal.

It not only helps with inner-game, it helps with relating with anyone, including… hot chicks. The idea: every human person has six basic human needs.

tumblr_m7iy6rfd7E1qzlro6o1_1280

The Six Human Needs: Certainty-Uncertainty; Importance-Connection; Giving-Growing

Now, before I dig into these, I’ve gotta share the story how Tony came up with the idea with you. ‘Cause it’s kinda cool.

How Tony Discovered This Idea

Tony had everything: riches, beautiful wife, world-leaders and world-class athletes seeking his help.

Tony Robbins On Stage

Tony was on top of the world but still felt despair.

But one day, before he was to board a plane to help another millionaire through some issues he was having, Tony felt like complete shit. He was like, “how am I gonna  help another when I’m having issues of my own?”

Oh, you’re asking why he was feeling like shit? Just discovered he had a tumor in his brain. Yeah, that’ll dampen your mood. All of a sudden, all the success in the world meant nothing. Because he wasn’t certain he was even going to live.

So, before he left for the airport, he went into the shower trying to figure out how he could shake off this funk he was in. He thought about what was really going on that was paralyzing him. Then he started thinking about what made all the people he met and helped who felt sad across the world from diverse cultures. A pattern emerged.

And he had an aha moment.

Aha Moment

Then he had an aha moment.

He realized everyone, no matter who they are, have six basic needs in common. And if these needs aren’t met, a person won’t feel happy. He could have everything in the world. If one of these are missing, he still won’t feel fulfilled.

Not all the needs were created equally, though. The last two needs are the most important. The first four have to do with ego-needs. The last two have to do with spiritual-needs.

Different people prefer the first four in different orders and in different combinations. They make the ego happy. But it’s the last two we need to be fulfilled (according to this idea at least).

Here they are:

First Two Needs: Certainty and Uncertainty

First, we need security…

Certainty and Uncertainty white pickett fence southern lagniappe

The symbol of security. We all need it.

…and we also need insecurity.

Certainty and Uncertainty Chaos

Chaos. We all need a little unpredictability, too.

Security has to do with knowing you have shelter, food on the table, health. You need basic, survival needs to be met. It’s almost like the first level of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs 1

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. The need for security/insecurity seem to correspond to Maslow’s “Basic Needs.”

At the same time, if we have too much security or certainty or predictability, things get boring. So, we also need insecurity as well.

We need variety and surprise to keep us awake, alert, adventurous.

We need both. We need both uncertainty and certainty.

Second Two Needs: Significance and Connection

Second, we need to feel important

Importance and Connection kind-of-a-big-deal

The Anchor Man feeling pretty damn significant. But it’s a need we all have: to feel important.

…and we also need to feel a sense of connection.

Importance and Connection

But there’s so much significance and individuation we can take. We also need a sense of connection, too.

The way philosopher William James put it: the deepest principle in human nature is to feel important.

William James Quote Deepest Principle

The needs for importance/connection (or love) seems to correspond to something philosopher William James once observed about human nature: all of us have a need to be appreciated.

Some examples: Look at us puas. A lot of us who got into pickup wanted to feel important. Tell me if you can relate. Part of us wanted to learn how to attract any woman we want because really we want to feel loved, or even important or appreciated.

Other examples: People who want to be famous want to feel important. People who want to win and get awards want to feel important. Achilles in Homer’s Illiad who chose a short life over a long life wanting glory over an anonymous life as a farmer wanted to be important. Celebrities, millionaires, people with high status, politicians and so forth who have distinguished themselves in some way were probably driven by this need for esteem.

Still more examples: Guys who get into gangs and threaten some poor victim at gun point. Gives them a rush of power. And importance.

Here’re some others: People who brag. People who put down others.

And even people who say please and thank-you and show kindness to each other. They’re all ways to make others or one’s self feel important.

We all need appreciation, acknowledgment, respect, praise, to feel important. Without it, we feel insignificant, like we don’t matter, like we have no value.

However, if we feel TOO important and feel TOO distinguished and TOO individuated, problems also arise.

For example, you’ll hear celebrities talk about how lonely they feel. They can’t even go out into a grocery store without being adulated. They lose a sense of connection.

michael-jackson in disguise

Michael Jackson in disguise. He had so much significance and individuation he felt separated from the world. He’d express feeling loneliness and a longing for connection.

Or a person might be so filled with self-importance, he acts like a prick and treats everyone like garbage. Again, those who murder another for attention and power take this need too far.

Basically, when we feel the distinctiveness of our individual self too much, we lose connection with other human beings. We become separate selves, and that takes us away from love and empathy.

So, that’s the fourth human need. We need love, that feeling of human connection, of empathy, of relationship. This balances out our need to feel important.

Conversely, if we’ve lost too much of ourselves in a relationship and we feel like we have no voice or identity, we need to feel important or a sense of individuation or identity to balance this fourth need out, too.

Again, the first four needs are more like ego or personality needs. They feel good. Different people prefer one of these four needs more than others. One might want to feel important the most. Another might want security the most.

Either way, let’s say we get everything our ego wishes for. Well, according to Tony, we still won’t feel a deeper fulfillment. We could still feel a darkness. And that’s where the last two needs come in.

They’re primary essential. They’re needs of the spirit. They’re what bring fulfillment. Even if we fill the first four needs and have accomplished a shit load, if we don’t meet these last two needs, we’ll still feel lost, unfulfilled, even depressed.

Third Two Needs: Giving and Growing

The last two needs is the need to give…

Actor Robin Williams Helps Build Homes

Giving: we all have a need to contribute. Here Robin Williams is giving to a community by building homes with Habitat For Humanity.

and the need to grow.

Giving and Growing buddha quote love and understanding

And we have a need to grow.

Growing means: learning, improving, becoming more and more aware. Aware of yourself as in the old Socratic saying “know thyself,” sifting away the clouds of ignorance. Awareness is probably the real goal of all spiritualities, religions, sciences, philosophies. If these don’t help us to grow in awareness, they’re useless.

Giving means: showing love, kindness, respect to all life, to your friends, to your enemies. Contributing. Helping others. Serving a greater good than yourself.

There’s an old story about Michael J. Fox. Before he learned he had Parkinsons, he had the fanciest car, the nicest house, money, status, fame. But he said he was unhappy. It wasn’t until he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s and began contributing to a cause larger than himself that he snapped out of his unhappiness, and felt like his life had meaning.

michael j fox in congress

Michael J. Fox once said he didn’t feel a sense of fulfillment until he was making a contribution to society. He said he didn’t get that sense of fulfillment from fame and fortune alone.

There’s something about contributing and loving that breaks us out of the shell of the ego. The shell that the Buddha once said causes all of suffering. Serving a purpose higher than ourselves breaks us from these shackles. That’s one reason why as a pua it’s so important to give back and to always leave a woman better off than your found her, you know treat everyone you come across with love and respect.

But Tony doesn’t stop there. He takes all this a step further. He says you can divide all human experience into four classes…

The Four Classes of Experience: Despair To Happiness

The first class, fulfillment and happiness, is when you meet all six needs. The second class isn’t bad. It’s when you’re feeling pain, but you’re about to make a breakthrough in life, or a transformation. It’s kind of like growing pains. Being in a cocoon before bursting free. But the third and fourth classes is where unhappiness lie.

Here they are:

First Class Experience: you do things that feel good, that are good for you, serves others, and serves the greater good.

Experience First Teaching

The First Class of Experience: feeling good and serving a greater good. Robin Williams’s character from “Dead Poets” society loved teaching and it also served a greater good.

Second Class Experience: you do things that feel bad, but are good for you, serves others, and serves the greater good.

Experience Second Abu

Second Class Experience: painful lessons, growing pains, and doing the right thing even though you don’t want to. Here, Abu from Disney’s Aladdin didn’t want to give his bread away, but he did anyway.

Third Class Experience: you do things that feel good, but they’re not good for you, they don’t serve others, and they don’t serve the greater good.

Experience Third large_junkfood

Third Class Experience: doing what feels good, but not serving a greater good.

Fourth Class Experience: you do things that feel bad, and they’re not good for you, don’t serve others, and don’t serve the greater good.

Experience Fourth Crack

Fourth Class Experience: Doing stuff that doesn’t really feel good and doesn’t serve a greater good either.

Okay, okay, you’re saying. What the hell does this have to do with attracting and succeeding with women? Like I said at the beginning of this, this not only helps with inner-game but also in how to have kick-ass relations with anyone, including women.

How This All Relates To Attracting Women

‘Cause the ultimate attractive man doesn’t sit on the couch munching Doritos and playing video games all day. He makes giving and and growing his priority. He does things that put him into the first and second class of experience.

tumblr_m2n4elGrlS1ru4e5ho1_500

Yes, this is here for eye candy. But the words are relevant, too. Right?

And here’s the cool thing. If you feel good from within, you naturally emit good feeling, and you can give “feeling good” to others. When she feels “feeling good” around you, she feels pleasure and links pleasurable feelings with you. And we’re all attracted to pleasure, right? You might even say attracting women really starts from within, from getting your inner-game together.

The other four needs teaches us about outer-game. That is, if you were to consciously meet her first four “ego” needs, you’d draw her to the pleasurable feelings she’s feeling around you.

For example, make her feel important (appreciate her) AND honestly connect with her. Give her a sense of safety, security, protection AND unpredictability, like surprising her, sweeping her off her feet, making her laugh.

What about meeting her two “spiritual” needs?

Well, she can only walk through that door herself. That’s something only we ourselves can do.

Conclusion

Anyway, those are the six human needs. Again, the last two needs can strengthen our inner game. The first four human needs can help us look beyond a women’s physical beauty, and connect to the human being inside her.

If you want to learn more about the spiritual (or “inner-game”) needs of growing and giving I’d recommend these two phenomenal books: “Awareness & The Way To Love,” by Jesuit priest Anthony DeMello, and “How To Want What You Have,” by psychologist Timothy Miller.

As for how to meet a woman’s first four needs, that’s what game is all about.

Flirt and play-fight to meet her need for unpredictability. Build comfort and BE (not just demo) the DHV switch of a protector and survivor to meet her need for security or survival.

Qualify and appreciate her to meet her need to feel acknowledged. Create an emotional connection with her to meet her need for connection.

And let me ask you with these last three questions:

  • What’s something you love to do that helps your growth and serves a greater good?
  • How can you start giving and showing more love to others, rather than just serving the ego?
  • What’s something you hate to do but helps your growth and serves a greater good?
  • What’s something you love to do that doesn’t help your growth or serve a greater good?

Together, you and I, if we can weed out what’s not serving our growth and what’s not serving others… and if we can do more of what serves the greater good… we’ll be on the path towards that first-class kind of experience Tony was talking about.

Then maybe we can share the light we feel inside with any beautiful women we meet might along our way.

Here’s a Ted Talk where Tony talks about these needs. Check it out (about 22 min):

 
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Posted by on September 9, 2014 in Home, Inner, Principles of Attraction, Quotes

 

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Is The Mystery Method Obsolete? The Answer: No Way

Mystery and two girls

INTRODUCTION

There’s a lot out there about how the Mystery Method’s obsolete.

It’s always easier to judge something on the surface. It makes you feel righteous and superior. But that’s vulgar understanding, and it always misunderstands. Real understanding looks for the good, and isn’t quick to throw things into moralistic categories. It’s harder to do, but you get closer to reality.

Now, let me say here at the outset. I’m not saying the Mystery Method is the “one and only” method. Of course there’re always more than one way to do something. But some methods work better than others. I know MM works. In my experience, it’s the fundamentals of game. And that’s the case I’d like to make to you below.

hercules-1997-movie-review-phil-training-hercules-zero-to-hero-danny-devito-tate-donovan
Here’s Phil showing Hercules the fundamentals. I could almost hear him echoing Michael Jordan’s words: “Get away from fundamentals… the bottom can fall out of your game. Get the fundamentals down and the level of everything you do will rise. Once you’ve got the fundamentals down, you’ve got a solid foundation to build on.” 

Why would some say it’s obsolete then? They’re victims of marketing. Marketers are usually the ones saying the Mystery Method’s obsolete.

Marketers love the word “new.” So do customers. When we see words like: “My NEW product and method is improved!” We want it more.

By saying one method’s out-of-date, marketers attempt to link pain with it. By saying “their” method is up-to-date and better, they attempt to link pleasure with it. To make you buy.

It’s the old case of tear down the “popular” guy to make yourself look more desirable. Very sportsman-like. Not.

And for guys who want to learn how to be more successful with women, these marketing messages just ends up confusing us. Worse, we’ll buy the “new, shinny” product, and it sucks.

So, let me kill this completely false message the Mystery Method’s obsolete. I want to assure you not to be fooled. Fundamentals don’t go obsolete.

To do this, I wrote a fictionalized dialogue between “Introverted Playboy” and I. It was based on a real-life spat. He’s another blogger, and he had commented on this video I had posted.

By the way, he recently changed his blogging name to Justin Attraction, and he now goes by that name. That was about two or three weeks ago (about 7/20/14 or and it’s 8/7/14 now). But because I had been working on this post before he changed his name (since about the end of May), I kept his old one below.

Anyway, you’ll see both our points-of-view below.

Warning: what I wrote might be a little long. Okay, no, it IS long. So, you might wanna grab a cold one. Along the way, we’ll definitely nail down the fundamentals of game.

The Introverted Playboy, now known as “Justin Attraction.” The dialogue below is between him and me.

Quick note about “Introverted Playboy/Justin Attraction” Respect to him. He’s an author and a coach. He’s smart, he puts out sound stuff, and he gets great testimonials. He’s off-base to claim MM is obsolete, but respect still goes out to him.

Anyway, back to you. I hope I’ve portrayed his viewpoint fairly, so you can decide the question yourself.

What I think you’ll see is this: these marketing messages are intellectual masturbation. Useless in the real world, with the added bonus of being paralyzing.

Worse, I can’t help wonder if those who’ve been duped by the hype have even tried MM? And justify their fear of not trying it with these rationalizations? I don’t know.

Check it out for yourself. If nothing else, I pasted some cool pics and videos into the post. If you don’t want to read all this, I don’t blame you, but check those out. I think you’ll still get a sense of the argument.

Again, the argument: MM isn’t obsolete because they go over the fundamentals of game.

CHAPTER ONE. MYSTERY METHOD ISN’T THE “ONE” WAY, BUT *IS* FLEXIBLE

Mystery Sat Night Mag

He’s gotten a lot of publicity, but that doesn’t mean his is the “only” way.

Introverted Playboy: Mystery had good ideas but most of them are obsolete.

Renaissan: You’re absolutely wrong. Most of Mystery’s ideas aren’t obsolete, because they’re about the fundamentals of pickup and seduction. Fundamentals don’t become obsolete.

IP: Well, much of it is.

Ren: Like what?

IP: That my method is THE method. That there’s only one way. To say “this is the only way” is simply wrong, because there’s more than one way.

Ren: There’s only one way? I wasn’t aware of that. Or that Mystery ever claimed that.

IP: Doesn’t the Mystery Method say you must approach indirectly?

Ren: Mystery prefers the indirect approach himself, but you can use MM with a direct opener, too. An approach depends on the context. If a woman’s alone, giving a compliment can work better than going direct. If she’s in a group indirect can be easier. I use a combination of direct and indirect approaches myself.

IP: How can you use both a direct and an indirect approach at the same time?

Ren: They’re a difference in energy. A direct opener’s sincere and serious. Again, it’s best done with one girl. An indirect opener’s a more playful energy. It’s targeted to more than one girl, or groups, because it doesn’t alienate anyone. The other advantage of going in with a playful energy is it lets you approach more sets.

That’s probably why Mystery likes the indirect approach best. It doesn’t alienate, and allows him to approach more.

Again, you can still do the Mystery Method with a direct opener.

IP: Well, his methods are marketed as the be-all and end-all of attraction and seduction.

Ren: It is? Wasn’t aware of that one either. Which specific marketers are you talking about? The marketing messages I see are the ones that diss the Mystery Method, not that it’s the be-all and end-all of attraction.

IP: Remember how MM was billed “how to get beautiful women into bed”? As if it was the final word in the matter? But what it really is, is: a highly specialized method for a particular kind of guy in a particular context.

Ren: Uh, that was the subtitle of of Mystery’s first book, yes.

Mystery Method Book

No where in this book, or in the subtitle of his book, does he claim to have the “only” way.

But who said it was the final word in the matter? I believe you added those words in yourself. I’ve read that book four times. Never saw that claim anywhere. Sounds like your own interpretation.

Also, if you ever listen to Mystery, you’ll hear him say he developed the method for himself, because it worked for him. He happened to teach it to other guys, and it caught on like wildfire. I’ve never heard him claim it’s the final word in the matter. I HAVE heard him say he’s excited to learn from other pickups artists, though.

What’s funny is many of those guys Mystery taught his method went on to open their own pickup companies. They then dissed MM saying it was obsolete and called their game “Natural.” *Cough* Vin DiCarlo and Gambler *Cough* Even though they’re super theoretical and use MM. Why? To make sales. It’s a marketing technique.

IP: Well, MM was developed for specific contexts. Night game in Los Angeles and Las Vegas mostly, and for the goal of dating women in the short-term. They don’t work in other contexts like daytime, shopping malls, low-energy situations, and for other goals like same night lays vs. long-term dating.

Ren: Hahahahaha! Oh, you’re serious. Um, no. Mystery has approached women all over the world, in the day, in the night, high-energy places, low-energy places. He’s gotten same night lays, he’s had long-term relationships. And obviously he used his method to do it.

Same with me. I’ve used MM in every context you can imagine. The mall, bars, coffee shops. I’ve had same night lays, threesomes, foursomes, picked up strippers. And I’m in New England, a completely different culture than LA or Vegas. MM works, man. Why? They’re about universals that cut across time and culture.

CHAPTER TWO. CAN GAME HAVE UNIVERSALS?

IP: We have to be very careful with the idea of “game universals.” What works for one guy may not work for another. MM is one style, one strategy, out of many that could work depending on a guy’s status, approaching different kinds of girls with different personalities. There’s more than one way to skin a cat.

Ren: There are many paths up a mountain, but you still need some basics to get to the top. In game, if you don’t have sexual tension, emotional connection, masculine energy, you ain’t going nowhere with a girl. Whatever your style of skinning a cat is, you’ve gotta have fundamentals. And fundamentals are what MM’s about.

IP: Okay, I agree there are some game universals. But we have to be careful. Style is a universal, peacocking is not. Flirting is a universal, negging and disqualification is not. Status is a universal, preselection is not.

Ren: Do you even know what peacocking, negging and preselection are?

1. Peacocking

This is peacocking. Wear one or two interesting items of clothing. Here Johnny Depp wears an interesting bracelet, an interesting hat. His T-shirt and his jeans (that you can’t see in this pic) are “supporting” pieces.

IP: Peacocking is hilarious, and I guess it can be useful. But it’s basically dressing really weird and bizarre to stand out.

Ren: A common misperception. Peacocking is one of the basics of style. Which is wear one or two interesting items of clothing with supporting pieces. A supporting piece can be a pair of jeans, or a shirt, nothing that stands out. An interesting item is something that stands out, like a necklace or even a cool tie. Something that makes you go “wow” or “that’s kinda different” or “that’s pretty cool.”

It’s a basic of style because, these one or two items make you stand out from the herd of generic, Mr. Nice Guys who dress the same. You don’t have to go nuts here. Peacocking just shows you’ve got an edge and the balls to be a little different. That’s an attractive attitude to communicate through your clothing.

Bonus: they make great icebreakers, too. If you’re wearing a cool necklace or an interesting hairdo, you’ll find girls will opening you. “Cool tie,” she might say.

Just because Mystery has his own unique kind of style doesn’t mean you have to dress exactly like him. You can model other stylish people, a movie star you admire, a rock star you like, a character from a movie you’d like to be like. The point’s to break out of the generic Mr Nice Guy clothing, and take a few chances.

Okay, what about negging. What’s your understanding of that?

2. Negs

A classic quote about teasing from Mystery

Below’s a classic example of play-fighting (or negging) — done with music!

IP: It disqualifies yourself from being a potential suitor. They can take the form of subtle insults to lower a girl’s self-esteem.

Ren: God, no! Another misunderstanding. You’re right they’re meant to disqualify you from being a potential suitor, you’re wrong to say they’re meant to lower girl’s self-esteem. Negs is just banter, man. No big thing.

They’re like what the philosopher Baudrillard once said about seduction:

“Challenge, not desire, is the key to seduction.”

jean baudrillard

Jean Baudrillard, the French postmodern philosopher (1927-2007). His most famous book is “Simulacra and Simulation,” but he also wrote a book called “Seduction.”

It’s making yourself into a bit of a challenge.

Animals play-fight with each other all the time.

Play-fighting. What negging is.

That’s what negs are. Play-fighting. It’s HARMLESS.

Or, it’s like one of my favorite quotes from the movie Tao of Steve:

“We purse that which retreats from us.”

Negs really negate yourself, not her. It’s about pulling away from her to draw her in.

Probably the best thing they do is

It’s the complete opposite of what most other guys do when they:

  • ask “can I buy you a drink?”
  • ask “so where are you from?”
  • tell a girl “you’ve got great tits, wanna fuck?”
  • give her a bunch of generic compliments: “you’re so pretty.”
  • get obsessed with “that one girl”…

Instead, a neg does two things:

  1. communicates to her friends: “I’m not after your hot friend,” or as you said it “disqualifies you from being a potential suitor.” At the same time you…
  2. play-fight with the hot friend, creating sexual tension with her.

It’s FLIRTING. The argument’s over a word, a label.

Mystery coined the term “neg” for play-fighting, banter, playing hide ’n’ seek, catch me if you can. Whatever you call it. For what you do when you create sexual tension.

To her friends it looks like you’re not getting along, and their “bitch shields” don’t activate. But below the surface you and your target are feeling this sexual charge.

Awesome, right?

You can see negs in romantic comedies. In the beginning the two leads usually don’t get along. Their playful conflict and dissonance creates chemistry. Later they fall in love.

EXAMPLES OF ROMANTIC COMEDIES WHERE THE LEADS DON’T GET ALONG AT FIRST BUT FALL IN LOVE LATER (i.e. “negs”)

Rom Com 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

Rom Com Clueless 1995

Clueless (1995)

Rom Com How to lose a guy in 10 days 2003

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days (2003)

Rom Com The Proposal 2009

The Proposal (2009)

Rom ComWhen harry met sally

When Harry Met Sally (1989)

That’s what negs are. Playful conflict. It adds spice to an interaction.

It’s NEVER meant to insult women. If you insult a woman, you’re a dick and you’re doing it wrong. If she’s laughing and hitting your arm, well done. You’re negging on each other.

IP: I get that. But the problem with negs is that so much of a successful neg comes down to tone and the spirit you’re saying it with. The same exact line, spoken in one way will come across as insulting and arrogant, and in another way will be playful and fun.

Ren: So? Is that any reason not to try it? Because you might not get it “perfect” the first time? So what if you fuck up? That’s how we learn. By fucking up.

Besides, it’s such an easy fix.

Arrogant 2

If your attitude is one of an arrogant prick, of course negs aren’t gonna work. Be playful.

If you’re an arrogant shit and you look down on people, then ANYTHING you say will come off as arrogant and insulting. Negs aren’t the problem, then. It’s your attitude.

But if your attitude’s playful and positive, that is you feel great and want to share that great feeling with everyone else, that attitude will come off, too. Even better, as Lance Mason from “Art of Attraction” once said:

“Positive energy is the male equivalent of cleavage.”

806b8768cb4540286ccc2bfc758395ab

Having positive energy is the male equivalent of cleavage. It attracts.

The key to attraction is having a positive energy. That’s why smiling and laughter and giving “feeling good” and social freedom’s so important. It’s a pleasurable feeling that women’ll link to you.

But if your attitude’s playful, and all you want to do is put a smile on a girl’s face, and you don’t look down on people, that attitude will come off, too. It’ll be fun.

That problem you’re talking about has more to do with attitude, not negs.

I was nervous when I first tried negs, but the payoff’s been fantastic. It’s helped me cure my “nice guy syndrome,” become more assertive, be more playful, not to mention I’ve learned how to be funnier. Take the risk, break out of your comfort zone, and try ‘em. It’s worth it.

Negs, or being a playful challenge, is a fundamental to game.

IP: Well, what I don’t like is Mystery frames disqualification as utterly necessary. But in reality, tons of guys succeed by just being totally honest and direct about what they want.

They approach a girl, tell her she’s hot, escalate, and case closed. Disqualification is just one option. It works in some cases, with some women, for some guys. It’s not universally always true.

Ren: Wrong again. Like we talked about, you always need sexual tension. Tension comes from conflict, like tug-o-war. Tug-o-war doesn’t happen by saying to the other team “You guys are so strong and wonderful. I’ll surrender to you.” Then the rope goes all slack. No. Tug-o-war happens when both sides tug.

tugowar

Sexual tension is like playing tug-o-war. This picture is NOT an example of sexual tension. When sex or romance gets mixed in, the tug-o-war turns into sexual tension.

Don’t get me wrong. Being honest is great. I’m all for honesty. I’m honest and direct when I approach. But then I immediately inject some playful conflict, too. Otherwise the interaction becomes dull.

Also, when you pull away slightly, it creates want. What’s the nature of wanting?

Not having. When you have, the wanting goes away. So, being a bit of a challenge makes people want more. Again, it’s a fundamental of game.

Besides, who doesn’t enjoy some laughter, and that cliff-hanger feeling where you don’t know what’s going to happen next?

Okay, okay, okay. You’ve brought us back this issue of the direct versus indirect opener. Cool, whatever. You can do MM with a direct approach, no problem. You said tons of guys do go direct without any disqualification. Which guys did you have in mind?

IP: Tom ToreroJon MatrixYadJustin Wayne, the guys over at daygame.com, or even somebody like Chris Good Looking Loser. They all get hot girls without using MM. The evidence is there, dude.

Ren: Alright, let me watch those guys.

Each one of these guys approached ONE girl in the DAY. So, they opened with direct openers.

Ren: Every one of those guys approached ONE girl during the DAY. I thought we talked about this already. Of course, a direct approach IS more ideal in that context. If you’re going to approach groups of women, the game changes a bit.

Direct honesty is the way to go during the day. All I’m saying is it’s helpful to throw a little playful challenge in there, too. To make things interesting, to make her chase, to make her want.

IP: Well, here’s the other thing. Mystery’s game is so conversation-focused. There are tons of guys that focus on physical escalation, with minimal talking, and are successful.

Ren: I’m not sure who you have in mind, but I know Matador has a really physical game. And guess what? He was a student of Mystery’s. So what?

3. Quick Sex

jessica rabbit ugly

Why scrape the barrel…

jessica rabbit realistic

…when you could have this?

IP: Well, what if you’re looking for simple, quick sex, with little interest in getting to know a girl or developing a deep connection? Sometimes a girl’s horny and wants any guy to sleep with. You don’t need all these weird tactics. You just need to be in the right place at the right time.

Ren: So then you’d become the “player” without standards who sleeps with the first horny girl he sees. Neither talks to the other again. Basically “getting” sex for their own self-interest. And being as passive about as possible.

Awesome.

Why would you want to just go for anyone, like sloppy drunk chicks? MM’s designed to pick up quality girls, the 9’s and 10’s. And part of MM is to be selective about the women you have sex with, to have sex with a girl you’d actually want to see again.

But, hey, if you want to go for the 5’s and 6’s, you can still use MM, too.

For me, the point of learning game isn’t to scrape the barrel and get laid by just anyone, but to learn a life skill and grow as a man.

IP: And what if the 9 or 10 happens to be a sloppy drunk?

Ren: She won’t be much of a 9 or 10 anymore. And kinda illegal if you took her home.

IP: The idea that hot girls are fundamentally “different” from other girls is a common fallacy. The same woman can be all dolled up in a nightclub and get hit on by lots of guys, but then Sunday morning at the coffee shop with no makeup and sweats, suddenly she’s considered less hot. Same girl. All women function in the same way.

Ren: Women and men function in the same way because we’re all human and we all want love. Why stop there? But to ignore the fact that 9’s and 10’s get more attention is just ignoring reality.

Girls who get more attention, get hit on more, get more breaks in life because they’re genetic freaks have a different psychology than a girl who’s been ignored all her life. So, there is a difference between approaching a 9 or 10 versus a 6 or 7.

IP: Every man has a different definition of hotness. One man’s 10 is another man’s 6. There’s a lot of subjectivity there.

Ren: Maybe some guys are into fat chicks. But put a fat chick on the cover of a magazine, I doubt it would sell as well. All of us know the difference between a 10 and a 6.

And ever heard about that experiment done on infants? Where scientists showed them pictures of average faces versus “beautiful” faces? The babies gazed on the beautiful faces more. There’s a lot more objectivity to beauty than you think. You know that. C’mon, man.

grace kelly

Grace Kelly. That’s a pretty beautiful face. Wouldn’t you say? Or is beauty just relative?

IP: I really, REALLY don’t like the number system for various reasons, but that’s for another discussion.

You’re absolutely right, there is such a thing as objective beauty. But objective beauty lies in things like symmetry, a certain wait-hip ratio, clear skin, healthy-looking hair, and so on.

So, although there are clear-cut objective, universal factors, there are still MANY factors that are subjective. That’s why I say one man’s 10 is another’s 6.

There are so many examples. I know one guy who ONLY dates black and hispanic chicks. I know another guy who only dates east asian chicks. No doubt they both respond to symmetry, but they have very different physical tastes nevertheless.

Look at the difference between, say, Taylor Swift and Beyonce. Personally I consider them both very beautiful. But they are also VERY different looking—skin color, body proportions, hair texture, facial features.

A guy who like big tits and ass will probably prefer Beyonce to Taylor. While Taylor will get lots of guys going, that particular guy would probably not even notice her in a bar.

Ren: Yes, gourmet food is gourmet food, but some might prefer filet mignon over lemon herb chicken. Who cares? My point is there are 9’s and 10’s. It’s not harder to attract 9’s and 10’s, it’s just different. There’s a little more play-fighting involved.

And that learning game is more than about getting laid. We may have all gotten in game for that originally. But it’s really about breaking the comfort zone, learning a life skill, growing as a man.

IP: Fair.

Ren: What about preselection? What’s your understanding of that? I’m guessing you think that’s another obsolete idea?

4. Preselection

From Robert Cialdini’s book “Influence.” According to his research on marketing, there are six basic weapons of psychological influence: Reciprocity; Commitment (and Consistency); Social Proof; Liking; Authority; Scarcity.

IP: Again, Mystery mentions this as one of the core necessities to attract a woman. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned past girlfriends or anything similar to a girl, at least not before sex. Rather than essential I see it as entirely optional. And sometimes detrimental. Because it can come off as bragging or in poor taste.

Ren: You’ve gotta read Cialdini’s “Influence” some time. He writes about six psychological factors that makes people want stuff. One of them is social proof. If lots of people want a product, it makes others want it, too. That’s all preselection is. Social proof.

An example of social proof.

An example of social proof.

And who said anything about bragging? Preselection addresses a pitfall a lot of guys fall into. That is, talking bad about their ex-girlfriends. He don’t realize that just makes him look bad.

Or, talking about how no women like him, and he’s a loser.

Chris Farley portraying himself negatively… not exactly the way to attract women: 

How could talking about yourself in this way possibly attract a woman?

The point is, negative talk about yourself and ex-girlfriends isn’t attractive. It’s like trying to sell a product by saying it sucks and no one likes it.

On the other hand, you can talk well about your ex-girlfriends, and yourself. For example, you can mention a girlfriend in passing. And talk well of her. Or, you can present yourself in such a way that you’re successful with them.

Don Juan DeMarco portraying himself positively by showing he has a clue with women… slightly more effective

That’s attractive.

No bragging, man. Just being conscious to replace negative talk with positive talk. How you can benefit her.

And you can take all that up a notch. If a woman sees you surrounded by women, it might pique her curiosity. She might think: “If he has value for her, he might have value for me.”

It’s an effective strategy.

There’s a great scene in “Legally Blonde” that illustrates this, too. To show the principle goes beyond MM:

Reese Witherspoon helps a guy attract a girl he’s interested. The girl’s not interested. Reese pretends he gave her pleasure, then broke her heart. Next thing you know, the girl’s interested in him. Elle Woods understood preselection.

Elle Woods demonstrating Social Proof:

You don’t have to use this strategy. But if you know people gravitate to what others want, why not use it?

IP: Maybe you can “pique her curiosity,” but it’s not guaranteed and it’s not essential. It’s totally optional. Also, it works great for certain girls, such as many who are very status-conscious, but not as well for others.

Ren: Brother, you couldn’t be more wrong. Preselection has NOTHING to do with “status-conscious” girls. It has everything to do with human psychology.

And if you don’t want to use preselection, cool. I don’t care. To me, you’d be like a guy who only wants to play “Mary Had A Little Lamb” on the piano. Sure, he can get by. But why not expand your horizons and learn a little Mozart? If you understand this piece of psychology, you can use it to make your game even tighter.

IP: Preselection brings up something else that’s been nullified by subsequent lessons in recent years, and that’s Mystery’s take on evolutionary psychology. For example, his ideas about being the “tribal leader.” You don’t necessarily have to be the biggest, more powerful guy in the room to pickup women.

5. Evolutionary Psychology and High-Status

Ren: So, now you’re saying you don’t need a lot of masculine energy to attract a woman?

I agree with you on one point. Evolutionary psychology. I’m not a fan of it myself. Ever since I read Lewontin’s “Biology As Ideology.”

This book, by a Harvard geneticist, makes a very convincing critique of evolutionary psychology

This book, by a Harvard geneticist, makes a very convincing critique of evolutionary psychology

David DeAngelo talks a lot about evolutionary psychology too, and it always makes my eyes glaze over. But I’ve never needed to believe in those myths to practice pickup.

That said, I DO think Mystery’s idea of the “tribal leader” is super-useful out in the field.

IP: Dude, “Tribal Leader” IS evolutionary psychology. He talks about ancient tribes and how the instincts that evolved in that prehistorical environment are still relevant today, and so on. That’s evolutionary psychology.

Ren: That’s the psycho-babble decorating a deeper truth. That women are attracted to masculine energy, especially to a high-status male rather than a low-status one.

There’s a joke, and I think it comes from Chris Rock but I’m not sure, where if Bill Clinton were working in a 7-11, women wouldn’t find him attractive anymore.

You could almost add to that: even if Hillary were president of the United States, guys still wouldn’t find her attractive. But it doesn’t matter if Candice Swanepoel were working in 7-11, she’d still be hot.

Candice Swanepoel. Still be hot if she worked at 7-11.

Candice Swanepoel. Wouldn’t matter if she worked at 7-11, would it?

IP: So, how do you convey high-status in the field? Brag?

Ren: No way. High-status can translate in the way you carry yourself, in your body language, the way you dress, speaking well, treating people with respectunafraid of drawing boundaries. The swagger that comes from success with women.

That attracts chicks like cah-ra-zy. The way youth, facial symmetry, waist-hip ratio attracts guys.

Women find a survivor quality attractive because it’s masculine. It shows he’s strong enough to take care of her.

wolverine-trailer-banner

Wolverine: A man who can survive and who can protect. The idea is that’s masculine, and masculinity attracts women.

Men find a replicative quality attractive in a chicks because it’s feminine. Or it’s a sign of fertility.

Whatever the reason, being aware of the difference between how guys get attracted and women get attracted is super-useful in the field.

IP: Well, survival and replication is all part of evolutionary psychology. Which is fine. But to say it has nothing to do with pickup is silly.

Ren: You just totally missed my point. First, you don’t have to believe in evolutionary psychology to practice this idea. The idea being looks attract guys more, and having high-status attracts chicks more than looks. What I was trying to say was, you don’t need evolutionary psycho-babble to practice that.

IP: I agree status can make a big difference. But status is FLUID and dependent on context, as well as on the girl’s preferences.

A tatted-up 19-year-old hipster with a crappy part-time job into the indie rock scene is likely to have a VERY different conception of “status” than a 28-year-old preppy Harvard grad who works with a lobbying firm in D.C.

Accordingly, two very different kinds of men will be considered highly attractive to them. And note that both of these girls can be super-hot.

Ren: We can keep returning to this theme of relativism versus universals until we’re blue in the face. It’s still a cop-out.

Maybe a 19-year-old hipster has different taste in men than a 28-year-old Harvard grad. But strength, confidence, and masculinity are universals that’ll attract a woman no matter what. Whether she’s a tenured professor or a 19-year old college student.

IP: Well, if you say “status” is just about confidence, body language, and swagger, that’s hardly revolutionary and we don’t need MM to tell us that.

Ren: I wasn’t arguing that “confidence attracts women” is what’s revolutionary about MM. What’s revolutionary about MM is it’s a practice that helps guys GET that confidence and swagger.

You said at the beginning of all this Mystery had some good ideas. Out of curiosity, which did you have in mind?

CHAPTER THREE. IF MM IS *MOSTLY* OBSOLETE, IS THERE ANY GOOD?

Mystery lecturing

The “good” of The Mystery Method, according to Introverted Playboy: Mystery was the first to take a scientific approach. If that were true, what about all the academics who’ve taken a scientific approach to attraction before him? (Arthur Aron, Hellen Fisher, Desmond Morris, Lucy Brown, David Buss, Geoffery Miller, Margaret Meade, John Gottman… to name a few.)

IP: The GOOD thing that Mystery introduced, and this WAS revolutionary, was the notion we should take a scientific approach to understanding attraction.

Ren: Scientific approach? You mean evolutionary psychology?

IP: No, he gave us a different take on women than, for example, “what my uncle said about the birds and bees.” Which is what most male discussion about attraction was based on for generations to that point. This scientific approach was indeed novel.

Ren: Not sure if I follow.

IP: You could take your uncle’s word for it, OR you could look critically at the evidence and see what’s really going on. And see that status, for example, is part of what attracts girls. But there’s also more to the story.

Ren: Okay, so you do think status attracts women.

IP: I guess so.

Ren: My point: saying MM’s obsolete is dangerous because some might be tempted to throw out the baby out with the bathwater, and the fundamentals that go along with it.

IP: I do think people who dismiss MM out-of-hand run the risk of throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

But over time we’ve learned that only some of it you need, some of it is optional, some of it is only necessary in a certain context. And some of it will work great in some cases and actually be harmful in other.

Maybe obsolete isn’t the right word. Maybe incomplete or inadequate, or “not the whole story” would have been better.

CHAPTER FOUR. MM IS COMPREHENSIVE

Ren: Woooooow. That’s EXACTLY what’s awesome about MM. It IS comprehensive. It’s a guideline of what to do from meet to sex. It has the same structure as the beginning-middle-end of a story.

Mystery white board

Mystery with a diagram of his method. Looks complicated, but the idea’s simple: attract first (A), build comfort second (C), save seduction for last (S). More on this below.

Like storytellers, pickup artists can use the MM structure to give them the freedom to use his imagination to create his own “stories” with his own style.

There’s so much flexibility within the MM structure. As evidenced by all the guys who came after and added to him.

How else do you explain why Mystery’s trained more master pickup artists than any other? OR changed the lives of countless men who felt they were hopeless with women, like me?

IP: All the respect to Mystery, no doubt. But look at what happened with many of those guys—they wound up developing their own styles and methods. You look at someone like Tyler Durden/RSD, for instance, and what he teaches now bears almost no resemblance to MM, as far as infield action.

1. MM’s Comprehensive Allows For Different Styles

Ren: So? That’s how it is with any art. A teacher teaches you a skill, but you don’t master it until you make it your own. RSD may have their own style, but they still use the fundamentals of MM: create sexual tension, be the man, entice her to chase, attract first, build comfort second, seduce last.

IP: Remember there were and are tons of guys who did not succeed with MM, and eventually turned to other things, or turned their back on game altogether and joined PUAHate and whatnot.

Ren: If a guy starts learning piano and gives up does that invalidate piano? Just means he gave up.

If a guy doesn’t make the basketball team, does it invalidate basketball? Just means he didn’t make the cut.

If a guy never got his black-belt in martial arts, does it invalidate martial arts? It means he stopped going.

Same with people who had turned to PUAHate. Instead of looking at himself and how he could he improve, he blames an outside force, gets bitter and instead of growing just complains. It’s called sour grapes.

Sour Grapes

“Sour Grapes make the best whine.” Hehe. So damn true. Especially for the guys over at puahate.com.

Now, if MM is as specialized as you say, how do you explain him having his own TV show?

IP: Don’t go by TV. They’re in it for shock value and entertainment and money, nothing more.

Ren: Blanket statement, maybe? I’m not citing TV as an authority. I’m talking from the producer’s point-of-view. If I’m a producer who wants to create a show that appeals to a mass audience, I’d want it it to have mass appeal. If MM was so specialized, how could he have that mass appeal?

Maybe our disagreements boil down to where we’ve been practicing game. Maybe your focus has been on one-on-one day game, whereas my practice has revolved around approaching women in groups at night.

IP: I do approach small groups, 2-3 max. But I approach those groups usually with wing men available. I generally avoid mixed sets.

Ren: Maybe that’s why you say MM is obsolete, then. Because you’re afraid of trying it out. It’s definitely a different energy during the day. I know trying out MM’s been a life-changer for me.

IP: Note the higher energy in the night. More physical style like RSD succeed very well in the night game, so again it’s relative.

Ren: I feel like we’re going around in circles. We already established that. No one’s arguing you only have to approach indirectly. MM is just a proven guideline that works, a flexible structure with fundamentals. You can adapt that to all sorts of contexts.

IP: Well, a lot of it was off the mark, and other PUAs have learned it’s unnecessary. You say it’s comprehensive, but it’s not.

2. MM Shows All The Classic Mistakes Men Make With Women

Ren: How come MM explains every mistake a guy makes with a woman using each step:

  • The Mr. Nice Guy who approaches in comfort: “come here often?” By skipping attraction.

Below, the Nice Guy: he opens in comfort without bothering to spark interest/attraction first. And he hides the fact he’s being nice to get sex.

  • The Creepy Guy who approaches in seduction: “let’s fuck,” or just stares with lust. By skipping attraction and comfort and opening in seduction.
Mistake Creepy guy

The Creepy Guy. He opens in Seduction, before attracting or building comfort.

  • The guy who attracts, but gets stuck in comfort because he doesn’t kino escalate: the Friend Zone. By opening in attraction, builds comfort never moves to seduction.
mistake friend zone

The Friend Zone. He may have attracted her and built comfort, but he stays in comfort because he fears physically escalating.

  • The Player who attracts, but skips comfort and rushes to seduction: girl feeling buyer’s remorse, not returning his calls. By opening in attraction but skipping comfort.
Mistake how to be a player

The Player. He attracts, but skips comfort, and goes straight for seduction. He might get sex and rack up the women, but they usually have buyer’s remorse afterwards.

The idea is so damn simple.

  • Attract a woman FIRST before seducing or building comfort. Get some sexual chemistry going.
  • Build comfort and get to know her, second.
  • Then make a move (never in public, always in private) into a mutual seduction, third.

Simple, elegant, practical. Explains each mistake and how to solve them.

Also, it shows guys what the mating ritual looks like.

Every time we fall in love, regardless of place, time, we go through this process. We’re first attracted. We get to know the person. Then we seduce.

In fact, Desmond Morris, the zoologist who studied human behavior like any other animal, observed in “The Naked Ape” that the human mating ritual goes through three phases:

  1. Pair formation (courtship, or the attraction and comfort phases),
  2. Precopulatory activity (foreplay), and
  3. Copulation (sex).

He says it’s not always done in that order. For example, look at pre-arranged marriages. Husband and wife have sex before building a connection. But couples in a sexual relationship do go through the stages eventually.

Morris also observed that courtship last waaaay longer in humans than in animals.

Nakedape

Desmond Morris, the zoologist, made a similar observation as Mystery: the human mating ritual goes through three main stages.

What was before a mysterious process about HOW to be more successful with women on purpose (not on accident), has become like turning on the light in the dark so we’re not fumbling around.

Like a story structure, you fill MM out however you like. Just like the universal structure of story. Just as there are an infinite amount of stories, there are an infinite amount of ways to fill out MM.

3. MM Is Linear AND Cyclical

IP: Attraction-Comfort-Seduction. I personally find that model too linear. I think of the seduction process as more cyclical.

Ren: Cyclical?

IP: Yes, balancing comfort and stimulation.

Ren: Um, that’s already part of MM. He calls it microcalibration. Even in comfort you’ve still got to be a bit of a challenge. Throughout attraction, comfort, and seduction you balance the “neg” part of things with interest, appreciation, connection.

Mystery on Microcalibration: the “cyclical” aspect of MM

In fact, that right there is THE unifying principle that binds attraction-comfort-and seduction together. As well as taking the lead and being the man all along the way.

IP: My way is so much simpler. I discuss my model of attraction and seduction in my ebook Introverted Seduction.

Ren: Yeah, “Introverted Seduction.” Why do you call yourself “Introverted Playboy” anyway, and your book “Introverted Seduction”?

4. MM Is For Introverts AND Extroverts

Introvert vs extrovert 2

The point isn’t to stay introverted or extroverted, but to grow.

IP: Because it’s geared towards introverts. Introverted guys have unique challenges and strengths in game. People think we have a handicap in game, but with practice, we can excel. We just have to play to our strengths, and not act like extroverts.

So, my book’s about how you don’t have to wear furry hats, paint your fingernails black, run routines, or neg. It’s meant for men who like to spend time alone and enjoy quiet conversations with one or two people. So I wrote this book about how introverts can succeed with women.

Ren: By remaining introverted.

IP: Right. Be true to who you are.

Ren: First of all, you’re confusing the man with the method. Mystery the man has that style. You can still have your own style and learn MM. MM, on the other hand, is just a guideline you can adapt to fit that style of yours.

Second, did Jung have in mind to stay introverted when he invented those labels “Introversion” and “Extroversion”? I thought his point was to become a more integrated human being. Not to remain the same. To integrate some of the energy you’re deficient into your personality, so you can grow.

Carl Jung (1875-1961), the psychologist who invented the terms

Carl Jung (1875-1961), the psychologist who invented the terms “introvert” and “extrovert.” We  might lead with one temperament, but we have the ability to be both. The point is to integrate both energies into our personalities.

IP: No, it’s about knowing your strengths and playing to those. It’s about not pretending to be someone you’re not, and being true to yourself.

Ren: Mystery was a big-time introvert before he taught himself game. To this day he’s an introvert. You have to be to invent something like MM. But he also now knows how to be outgoing, too. In other words, he’s become a more “whole” person.

Same with Neil Strauss. Big-time introvert before he learned game. After he learned game, he also learned how to bring out his personality better.

David DeAngelo was an introvert. Ross Jeffries was an introvert. Brad P was an introvert. Tyler Durden was an introvert.

I’d say most of us who learn game started as nerdy introverts. I’m an introvert myself.

I don’t think any of us would say we’re pretending to be someone we’re not after learning how to be more extroverted. I think we’d all say we’ve learned to become a more well-rounded human being, who knows how to bring out his best self.

MM is for introverts by an introvert. It helps introverts break out of that comfort zone. AND extroverts learn a shit load too. For example, the winner of the first season of “VH1’s The Pickup Artist,” Cosmo, was a natural extrovert.

Below is a video of Cosmo. He gives an example of a qualifier in it. Only thing I’d disagree with him is they’re NOT meant to bring down someone’s “value.” Qualifiers are more about helping a girl step down from her pedestal, if she’s on one, so you and her can now talk human-being-to-human-being.

IP: Well sometimes a guy doesn’t want to be an extrovert. I’m not saying Mystery’s model doesn’t work or can’t work. I’m just saying it’s rigid and limiting.

Ren: No, man. Just the opposite. MM’s super flexible. You can adapt it to your own personality and any context you’d like.

Or, are you saying it’s not good to have structure at all? That all structure is rigid and limiting?

5. MM’s Structure Gives You Freedom

What often happens when we have no structure, direction, or map.

What happens when there’s no structure, direction, map.

IP: I prefer to be intuitive about it. You don’t need a structure.

Ren: But structure’s what keeps the universe in place. It keeps the body in place. It keeps a story in place. It keeps music in place. And it keeps game in place.

And the beautiful thing about structure is it’s as flexible as a tree bending in the wind.

Not only that but having a structure allows you to take the lead. It’s like a map that helps you know where to go next. Otherwise, without a structure, you’d get into these fumbling, go-nowhere conversations.

Ironically, it’s having no structure that’s limiting. Structure sets you free.

IP: Structure sets you free? How’s that possible?

Ren: Imagine a bridge between two cliffs. That’s what structure is. Without the bridge in place you can’t get anywhere, and you might drown in the water below.

Broken Bridge

What having no structure is like. Can’t go anywhere.

Now, if you have a wobbly bridge, you won’t be able to walk across it with a lot of confidence. But if you have a strong bridge, now you can dance and have the freedom to be yourself. It’s counter-intuitive, but a strong structure gives you more freedom.

When striking up conversations with with strangers, it’s especially helpful to have a plan. Knowing what to do first, second, and third allows you to lead an interaction to a destination.

IP: Well, I think MM creates unnecessary extra steps that just get in the way. As many have said over the years, his teachings are complicated and contain unnecessary, superfluous material. It’s too complicated and completely anti-intuitive.

6. MM Is A Backwards Rationalization Of An Intuitive Process

Ren: Nope. You’re looking at MM through the lens of other people’s labels and misunderstanding, rather than taking the time to understand MM itself.

MM is the result of Mystery looking back on all his successful pickups and seeing a pattern. Certain things happened again and again when he succeeded. When he failed, he found that pattern wasn’t in place. That pattern became the Mystery Method.

And any skill seems it’s complicated at first. If you read about about how to drive a car, you’d probably think it’s too complicated and anti-intuitive. But after you practice those steps, it becomes intuitive. It’s helpful to have steps as a teaching tool until talking to women becomes intuitive.

Written down, driving a car seems counter-intuitive and complicated. The more you drive a car, the more intuitive it becomes, until you're driving 70 miles an hour eating a bowl of ice cream. Okay, you're right. Maybe not such a good idea.

Driving a car seems counter-intuitive and complicated at first. The instructions are meant for beginners. The more you practice the guidelines, the more “second nature” it becomes. Until you’re driving 87 miles an hour while texting. Not recommending that.

IP: Well, there’s just too much superfluous material.

7. Every Step In MM Has A Purpose

Ren: Like?

IP: A1, A2, A3… way to complex.

Ren: What does each of those refer to?

IP: A1 Open, A2 DHV, A3 qualify.

Attraction

Attraction: it works the same way as electricity or magnetism. Opposite forces attract. Like forces repel. Masculine energy attracts the feminine. And playful conflict attracts more than being completely alike and perfectly nice.

Ren: Each one totally necessary and has a purpose.

I’ve gotta share this cool experiment with you. Did you hear about this by Arthur Aron at SUNY-Stony Brook on what makes two people fall in love?

IP: No…

Ren: Oh, it’s so cool. You know what her found out? He discovered there are three things makes us fall in love: sexual tension, mutual self-disclosure, and to discover the other person likes you for legitimate reasons.

When I first read this, it blew me away, because this is exactly what A2 and A3 refer to.

You do only two things in A2: a) create sexual tension with your target through negs (or play-fighting) and b) self-disclose yourself to her friends through DHV (or sharing yourself).

A3 is the mirror image of A2. By sharing yourself first in A2, you’re in a better position to ask about herself, by qualifying her. After she answers your question, you give a “Statement-Of-Interest,” telling her you like her, and make her feel liked for legitimate reasons.

The entire purpose of the attract phase: spark sexual tension, mutual self-disclosure, so you can make her feel liked for legitimate reasons.

The real genius of A1, A2, and A3 is it ALSO answers four basic questions people ask themselves (credit: hilarious and insightful blogger BossyMoksie) whenever a stranger approaches them out of the blue:

  1. Why is he approaching me? (Or, what does he want from us?)
  2. How long am I going to be stuck with him? (Or, hopefully we’re not stuck with him.)
  3. Who is he?
  4. What can he do for me?

A1, the opener, answers the first two questions. First, you “root” yourself, i.e. let them know why you’re approaching.

You can be honest and direct: “You guys looked cool and I wanted to introduce myself” or “I’ve got this rule that whenever I see someone attractive, I’ve gotta say hi.”

Or, you’re approaching because you’re being outgoing, friendly, out meeting everyone.

Or, you’re approaching because you want to get a female opinion on something…

Below’s the REAL origin of the classic opinion opener “Who lies more, men or women?” at about 4:15

Whatever the reason, people won’t hear a word of what you’re saying unless they know why you’re talking with them first.

Second, give some kind of a time constraint. This can be verbal: “I’ve only got a sec.”

Or, through your body language: if your feet are turned away from them it communicates you’re not going to be there forever. In fact, you’re on your way out.

My favorite constraint’s to play-fight within the second sentence out my mouth. This is my favorite because it’s all about positive energy. Positive energy is the #1 thing to attract. It’s the male equivalent to big tits.

Third, open within 3 seconds to avoid being the Creepy Guy who stares or stalks. Really he’s being “The Nice Guy.” He waits for the woman to leave her group so he can catch her alone and hit on her… Much better to disarm the group using stories and humor that shows a non-insulting LACK of interest.

That’s all A1 is. Opening within 3 seconds, hooking a set by rooting yourself, and giving a constraint. Once you do that, you’re into A2.

And A2 is all about introducing yourself. It answers their next two questions:

You’re telling the group who you are. And…

…by initiating an interesting topic of conversation (DHV) while bringing humor to the table (negs), you’re giving the group value.

Once you introduce yourself it’s natural to ask about them… and you’re off into A3.

Brilliant. It works in any context you can imagine. And you can fill this structure out however you like.

IP: Well, what about C1, C2, C3…?

Comfort

Comfort: getting to know each other, and building a connection.

Ren: C1, C2, and C3 are distinguished by location.

C1 takes place in the pickup venue. It’s also the secret to getting a solid phone number. Which is spending 25-40 minutes with her.

Getting a number in three minutes WILL flake. ‘Cause she doesn’t know you. Spending time getting to know her (25-40 minutes) gives her reason to pick up the phone.

But why play phone game at all when you can “time bridge”? That means NOT waiting to make a date later, but right there and then when you have her in person. It’s the opposite of what most guys do. It’s smart.

C2 is about visiting 3-5 venues with her. They’re neither in the pickup location nor the sex location. This builds more trust than spending the same amount of time with her in one place. If she sees you in only the venue you met as strangers, you’ll still feel like strangers. If you go to places together, well, you’re going into them “together.” You’re no longer strangers.

And THAT’S the secret to inviting her back to your place. Take her to multiple places. Then when you invite her to you place, she’ll accept because it’s just one more place.

Also, C2 means NOT waiting to kiss her at the end of the night. Be kissing already. Be touching each other already. That way when you go for foreplay in S1, it’s not an awkward move but an organic one.

C3 begins once she’s accepted your invitation to come back to your place and she’s alone with you there.

C3 means having a non-sexual reason for inviting her up: check out my aquarium, check out that movie we talked about, play that song on my guitar for you. Allow her to plausibly deny she’s coming up for sex. Let her save face and not appear “slutty.”

C3 also means NOT pouncing her when she’s at your place. For example, check your messages. Get her a drink. Put on a movie, play her a song on your guitar, play the home version of Dance, Dance Revolution. Or tell each other’s grounding stories. The grounding story can also be done in C2, but it’s often done in C3.

C3 continues to build comfort and trust, because you’re NOT pouncing as soon as she’s alone with you. By not pouncing, it builds sexual tension. She’s more likely to pounce on you!

IP: And S1, S2, and S3?

Seduction

Seduction: Woo-hoo!

Ren: S1 is foreplay.

Foreplay

Foreplay: emotional connection turns into a physical connection.

S1 is the rule to NOT make out until you’re in private.

S1 also includes the idea that foreplay is about teasing her. Smelling her hair for five minutes without touching her. Not going directly to her sexual spots. To inch toward them but take detours, building even more sexual tension. Taking two steps forward, one step back. Making her want it more and more.

Don't skip foreplay

Why we should never skip foreplay.

S2 is female psychology 101 about why her “Last Minute Resistance” to sex comes up.

The reason: it feels like our First Minute Resistance to approaching.

She doesn’t want to be perceived as a slut. She wants to know you’re gonna stick around after sex. Not necessarily get married, but to know the option is hers.

Why Last Minute Resistance comes up.

Why Last Minute Resistance comes up.

So, S2 is all about empathy. It’s about not forcing the issue, or making her feel guilty, or logic-ing her to death about why she should have sex. It’s about agreeing with her, then trying again later until she feels comfortable.

The point’s to let her know you’re going to stick around after sex. And that the notion of “slut” is double-standard bullshit.

The best way to deal with LMR is preemptively, though. By hinting you’ll stick around sex throughout the comfort phase before the issue might come up later.

Finally, S3 is first time sex.

Foreplay and the sex

Giving her great sex.

It’s about being choosy who you have sex with. To have sex with someone you want to see again. If you’re polyamorous, she can be one of your girlfriends (and that means being upfront with her that you’re in a “dating” phase of your life, it does NOT mean sneaking around) or if you want one girlfriend, maybe she’s it.

The point is: practice up until S2. Only cross the line to S3 if you want to see her again.

See how comprehensive MM is? How flexible and adaptable it is?

IP: It does make sense.

Ren: Tell me about it!

8. MM Uses Routines AND Spontaneous Conversation

Pianist 1960,art,illustration,painting,pianist,robert,mcginnis-854a9e089136770de54ef515257917e8_h

Routines are like a pianist learning a piece by Mozart or an actor learning his lines or a cook learning a recipe. You can focus on your delivery. Based on that foundation you can make up your own stuff. We mix routines and spontaneous conversation all the time.

IP: But maybe his style is useful for beginners who need specific words, stories, questions to get conversations going and to transition into more interesting interactions.

Routines are useful only if they’re unique to you. Ultimately, I think everyone should cultivate their ability for spontaneous communication in the moment.

Ren: I’ve been practicing pickup for awhile. I still use MM, routines, AND spontaneous together.

You’re not saying you’re above routines, are you? That it’s only for beginners? Because all of us rely on routines everyday.

When we say “Hi, how are you” or “thank-you” those are routines. When we tell the story about “why I chose to live in the state of Maine” again because we’ve polished it and we know it works, that’s a routine. Comedians use routines, too.

Then we can build on that foundation of a routine to make up our own stuff. But we always use routines and spontaneous communication together.

I also like routines because it teaches you to tell a story so well that you bring out your personality. You get to concentrate on your delivery like an actor. You can concentrate on your body language, your facial expression, your tone. The emotional communication.

Pickup is a performance art. It’s a way to become your best self. MM gives you the tools to do this.

CHAPTER FIVE.
HAVE YOU TRIED MM?

Ren: Now, I’ve gotta ask. Have you even tried MM out, or is everything you know about it hearsay?

NO RESPONSE.

Ren: Introverted Playboy? Hello?

NO RESPONSE.

CONCLUSION

The Mystery Method isn’t obsolete. It’s a message that originated in marketing to compete with Mystery. They had to knock him down to make themselves look better. Some guys bought into this and seem to use it as an excuse not to try it at all. Instead of taking the time to understand MM, they ignore the treasure trove that’s in it.

Worse, those who who’ve bought into the intellectual masturbation around the messages probably haven’t even tried it. They prefer direct, one-on-one day game because it’s safer.

Another theme behind this message: there are no universals, everything is a free-for-all. That was the same argument the sophists had put forth in ancient Athens: there’s no truth, everything is relative. It confused the Athenians then, it confuses guys today.

Socrates and the sophists

The obsession with the newest, shiniest thing is not unlike claiming there are no objective standards. Of course there’s room for change. But without standards or fundamentals you’ve got no basis to build on.

Even in Einstein’s theory of relativity, there are universals. Without the universal of the speed of light, the relativity of time and space doesn’t work.

There are universals underlying game, and there are fundamentals. That’s what the Mystery Method is about. The fundamentals. It’s not the be-all and end-all. It’s like the beginning-middle-ending structure story-tellers use to tell stories.

The structure’s flexible and there’s lots of room for invention. In fact, it’s structure that frees an artist to invent. Much of the new developments in pickup are possible because of the foundation MM laid down.

Rather than talk about it, try it. You’ll see for yourself.

It works.

The Mystery Method isn't obsolete, because it's about the fundamentals.

The Mystery Method isn’t obsolete, because it’s about the fundamentals.

 

Is The Mystery Method Obsolete? The Answer: No Way

 

Mystery and two girls

INTRODUCTION

There’s a lot out there about how the Mystery Method’s obsolete.

It’s always easier to judge something on the surface. It makes you feel righteous and superior. But that’s vulgar understanding, and it always misunderstands. Real understanding looks for the good, and isn’t quick to throw things into moralistic categories. It’s harder to do, but you get closer to reality.

Now, let me say here at the outset. I’m not saying the Mystery Method is the “one and only” method. Of course there’re always more than one way to do something. But some methods work better than others. I know MM works. In my experience, it’s the fundamentals of game. And that’s the case I’d like to make to you below.

hercules-1997-movie-review-phil-training-hercules-zero-to-hero-danny-devito-tate-donovan
Here’s Phil showing Hercules the fundamentals. I could almost hear him echoing Michael Jordan’s words: “Get away from fundamentals… the bottom can fall out of your game. Get the fundamentals down and the level of everything you do will rise. Once you’ve got the fundamentals down, you’ve got a solid foundation to build on.” 

Why would some say it’s obsolete then? They’re victims of marketing. Marketers are usually the ones saying the Mystery Method’s obsolete.

Marketers love the word “new.” So do customers. When we see words like: “My NEW product and method is improved!” We want it more.

By saying one method’s out-of-date, marketers attempt to link pain with it. By saying “their” method is up-to-date and better, they attempt to link pleasure with it. To make you buy.

It’s the old case of tear down the “popular” guy to make yourself look more desirable. Very sportsman-like. Not.

And for guys who want to learn how to be more successful with women, these marketing messages just ends up confusing us. Worse, we’ll buy the “new, shinny” product, and it sucks.

So, let me kill this completely false message the Mystery Method’s obsolete. I want to assure you not to be fooled. Fundamentals don’t go obsolete.

To do this, I wrote a fictionalized dialogue between “Introverted Playboy” and I. It was based on a real-life spat. He’s another blogger, and he had commented on this video I had posted.

By the way, he recently changed his blogging name to Justin Attraction, and he now goes by that name. That was about two or three weeks ago (about 7/20/14 or and it’s 8/7/14 now). But because I had been working on this post before he changed his name (since about the end of May), I kept his old one below.

Anyway, you’ll see both our points-of-view below.

Warning: what I wrote might be a little long. Okay, no, it IS long. So, you might wanna grab a cold one. Along the way, we’ll definitely nail down the fundamentals of game.

The Introverted Playboy, now known as “Justin Attraction.” The dialogue below is between him and me.

Quick note about “Introverted Playboy/Justin Attraction” Respect to him. He’s an author and a coach. He’s smart, he puts out sound stuff, and he gets great testimonials. He’s off-base to claim MM is obsolete, but respect still goes out to him.

Anyway, back to you. I hope I’ve portrayed his viewpoint fairly, so you can decide the question yourself.

What I think you’ll see is this: these marketing messages are intellectual masturbation. Useless in the real world, with the added bonus of being paralyzing.

Worse, I can’t help wonder if those who’ve been duped by the hype have even tried MM? And justify their fear of not trying it with these rationalizations? I don’t know.

Check it out for yourself. If nothing else, I pasted some cool pics and videos into the post. If you don’t want to read all this, I don’t blame you, but check those out. I think you’ll still get a sense of the argument.

Again, the argument: MM isn’t obsolete because they go over the fundamentals of game.

CHAPTER ONE. MYSTERY METHOD ISN’T THE “ONE” WAY, BUT *IS* FLEXIBLE

Mystery Sat Night Mag

He’s gotten a lot of publicity, but that doesn’t mean his is the “only” way.

Introverted Playboy: Mystery had good ideas but most of them are obsolete.

Renaissan: You’re absolutely wrong. Most of Mystery’s ideas aren’t obsolete, because they’re about the fundamentals of pickup and seduction. Fundamentals don’t become obsolete.

IP: Well, much of it is.

Ren: Like what?

IP: That my method is THE method. That there’s only one way. To say “this is the only way” is simply wrong, because there’s more than one way.

Ren: There’s only one way? I wasn’t aware of that. Or that Mystery ever claimed that.

IP: Doesn’t the Mystery Method say you must approach indirectly?

Ren: Mystery prefers the indirect approach himself, but you can use MM with a direct opener, too. An approach depends on the context. If a woman’s alone, giving a compliment can work better than going direct. If she’s in a group indirect can be easier. I use a combination of direct and indirect approaches myself.

IP: How can you use both a direct and an indirect approach at the same time?

Ren: They’re a difference in energy. A direct opener’s sincere and serious. Again, it’s best done with one girl. An indirect opener’s a more playful energy. It’s targeted to more than one girl, or groups, because it doesn’t alienate anyone. The other advantage of going in with a playful energy is it lets you approach more sets.

That’s probably why Mystery likes the indirect approach best. It doesn’t alienate, and allows him to approach more.

Again, you can still do the Mystery Method with a direct opener.

IP: Well, his methods are marketed as the be-all and end-all of attraction and seduction.

Ren: It is? Wasn’t aware of that one either. Which specific marketers are you talking about? The marketing messages I see are the ones that diss the Mystery Method, not that it’s the be-all and end-all of attraction.

IP: Remember how MM was billed “how to get beautiful women into bed”? As if it was the final word in the matter? But what it really is, is: a highly specialized method for a particular kind of guy in a particular context.

Ren: Uh, that was the subtitle of of Mystery’s first book, yes.

Mystery Method Book

No where in this book, or in the subtitle of his book, does he claim to have the “only” way.

But who said it was the final word in the matter? I believe you added those words in yourself. I’ve read that book four times. Never saw that claim anywhere. Sounds like your own interpretation.

Also, if you ever listen to Mystery, you’ll hear him say he developed the method for himself, because it worked for him. He happened to teach it to other guys, and it caught on like wildfire. I’ve never heard him claim it’s the final word in the matter. I HAVE heard him say he’s excited to learn from other pickups artists, though.

What’s funny is many of those guys Mystery taught his method went on to open their own pickup companies. They then dissed MM saying it was obsolete and called their game “Natural.” *Cough* Vin DiCarlo and Gambler *Cough* Even though they’re super theoretical and use MM. Why? To make sales. It’s a marketing technique.

IP: Well, MM was developed for specific contexts. Night game in Los Angeles and Las Vegas mostly, and for the goal of dating women in the short-term. They don’t work in other contexts like daytime, shopping malls, low-energy situations, and for other goals like same night lays vs. long-term dating.

Ren: Hahahahaha! Oh, you’re serious. Um, no. Mystery has approached women all over the world, in the day, in the night, high-energy places, low-energy places. He’s gotten same night lays, he’s had long-term relationships. And obviously he used his method to do it.

Same with me. I’ve used MM in every context you can imagine. The mall, bars, coffee shops. I’ve had same night lays, threesomes, foursomes, picked up strippers. And I’m in New England, a completely different culture than LA or Vegas. MM works, man. Why? They’re about universals that cut across time and culture.

CHAPTER TWO. CAN GAME HAVE UNIVERSALS?

IP: We have to be very careful with the idea of “game universals.” What works for one guy may not work for another. MM is one style, one strategy, out of many that could work depending on a guy’s status, approaching different kinds of girls with different personalities. There’s more than one way to skin a cat.

Ren: There are many paths up a mountain, but you still need some basics to get to the top. In game, if you don’t have sexual tension, emotional connection, masculine energy, you ain’t going nowhere with a girl. Whatever your style of skinning a cat is, you’ve gotta have fundamentals. And fundamentals are what MM’s about.

IP: Okay, I agree there are some game universals. But we have to be careful. Style is a universal, peacocking is not. Flirting is a universal, negging and disqualification is not. Status is a universal, preselection is not.

Ren: Do you even know what peacocking, negging and preselection are?

1. Peacocking

This is peacocking. Wear one or two interesting items of clothing. Here Johnny Depp wears an interesting bracelet, an interesting hat. His T-shirt and his jeans (that you can’t see in this pic) are “supporting” pieces.

IP: Peacocking is hilarious, and I guess it can be useful. But it’s basically dressing really weird and bizarre to stand out.

Ren: A common misperception. Peacocking is one of the basics of style. Which is wear one or two interesting items of clothing with supporting pieces. A supporting piece can be a pair of jeans, or a shirt, nothing that stands out. An interesting item is something that stands out, like a necklace or even a cool tie. Something that makes you go “wow” or “that’s kinda different” or “that’s pretty cool.”

It’s a basic of style because, these one or two items make you stand out from the herd of generic, Mr. Nice Guys who dress the same. You don’t have to go nuts here. Peacocking just shows you’ve got an edge and the balls to be a little different. That’s an attractive attitude to communicate through your clothing.

Bonus: they make great icebreakers, too. If you’re wearing a cool necklace or an interesting hairdo, you’ll find girls will opening you. “Cool tie,” she might say.

Just because Mystery has his own unique kind of style doesn’t mean you have to dress exactly like him. You can model other stylish people, a movie star you admire, a rock star you like, a character from a movie you’d like to be like. The point’s to break out of the generic Mr Nice Guy clothing, and take a few chances.

Okay, what about negging. What’s your understanding of that?

2. Negs

A classic quote about teasing from Mystery

Below’s a classic example of play-fighting (or negging) — done with music!

IP: It disqualifies yourself from being a potential suitor. They can take the form of subtle insults to lower a girl’s self-esteem.

Ren: God, no! Another misunderstanding. You’re right they’re meant to disqualify you from being a potential suitor, you’re wrong to say they’re meant to lower girl’s self-esteem. Negs is just banter, man. No big thing.

They’re like what the philosopher Baudrillard once said about seduction:

“Challenge, not desire, is the key to seduction.”

jean baudrillard

Jean Baudrillard, the French postmodern philosopher (1927-2007). His most famous book is “Simulacra and Simulation,” but he also wrote a book called “Seduction.”

It’s making yourself into a bit of a challenge.

Animals play-fight with each other all the time.

Play-fighting. What negging is.

That’s what negs are. Play-fighting. It’s HARMLESS.

Or, it’s like one of my favorite quotes from the movie Tao of Steve:

“We purse that which retreats from us.”

Negs really negate yourself, not her. It’s about pulling away from her to draw her in.

Probably the best thing they do is

It’s the complete opposite of what most other guys do when they:

  • ask “can I buy you a drink?”
  • ask “so where are you from?”
  • tell a girl “you’ve got great tits, wanna fuck?”
  • give her a bunch of generic compliments: “you’re so pretty.”
  • get obsessed with “that one girl”…

Instead, a neg does two things:

  1. communicates to her friends: “I’m not after your hot friend,” or as you said it “disqualifies you from being a potential suitor.” At the same time you…
  2. play-fight with the hot friend, creating sexual tension with her.

It’s FLIRTING. The argument’s over a word, a label.

Mystery coined the term “neg” for play-fighting, banter, playing hide ’n’ seek, catch me if you can. Whatever you call it. For what you do when you create sexual tension.

To her friends it looks like you’re not getting along, and their “bitch shields” don’t activate. But below the surface you and your target are feeling this sexual charge.

Awesome, right?

You can see negs in romantic comedies. In the beginning the two leads usually don’t get along. Their playful conflict and dissonance creates chemistry. Later they fall in love.

EXAMPLES OF ROMANTIC COMEDIES WHERE THE LEADS DON’T GET ALONG AT FIRST BUT FALL IN LOVE LATER (i.e. “negs”)

Rom Com 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

Rom Com Clueless 1995

Clueless (1995)

Rom Com How to lose a guy in 10 days 2003

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days (2003)

Rom Com The Proposal 2009

The Proposal (2009)

Rom ComWhen harry met sally

When Harry Met Sally (1989)

That’s what negs are. Playful conflict. It adds spice to an interaction.

It’s NEVER meant to insult women. If you insult a woman, you’re a dick and you’re doing it wrong. If she’s laughing and hitting your arm, well done. You’re negging on each other.

IP: I get that. But the problem with negs is that so much of a successful neg comes down to tone and the spirit you’re saying it with. The same exact line, spoken in one way will come across as insulting and arrogant, and in another way will be playful and fun.

Ren: So? Is that any reason not to try it? Because you might not get it “perfect” the first time? So what if you fuck up? That’s how we learn. By fucking up.

Besides, it’s such an easy fix.

Arrogant 2

If your attitude is one of an arrogant prick, of course negs aren’t gonna work. Be playful.

If you’re an arrogant shit and you look down on people, then ANYTHING you say will come off as arrogant and insulting. Negs aren’t the problem, then. It’s your attitude.

But if your attitude’s playful and positive, that is you feel great and want to share that great feeling with everyone else, that attitude will come off, too. Even better, as Lance Mason from “Art of Attraction” once said:

“Positive energy is the male equivalent of cleavage.”

806b8768cb4540286ccc2bfc758395ab

Having positive energy is the male equivalent of cleavage. It attracts.

The key to attraction is having a positive energy. That’s why smiling and laughter and giving “feeling good” and social freedom’s so important. It’s a pleasurable feeling that women’ll link to you.

But if your attitude’s playful, and all you want to do is put a smile on a girl’s face, and you don’t look down on people, that attitude will come off, too. It’ll be fun.

That problem you’re talking about has more to do with attitude, not negs.

I was nervous when I first tried negs, but the payoff’s been fantastic. It’s helped me cure my “nice guy syndrome,” become more assertive, be more playful, not to mention I’ve learned how to be funnier. Take the risk, break out of your comfort zone, and try ‘em. It’s worth it.

Negs, or being a playful challenge, is a fundamental to game.

IP: Well, what I don’t like is Mystery frames disqualification as utterly necessary. But in reality, tons of guys succeed by just being totally honest and direct about what they want.

They approach a girl, tell her she’s hot, escalate, and case closed. Disqualification is just one option. It works in some cases, with some women, for some guys. It’s not universally always true.

Ren: Wrong again. Like we talked about, you always need sexual tension. Tension comes from conflict, like tug-o-war. Tug-o-war doesn’t happen by saying to the other team “You guys are so strong and wonderful. I’ll surrender to you.” Then the rope goes all slack. No. Tug-o-war happens when both sides tug.

tugowar

Sexual tension is like playing tug-o-war. This picture is NOT an example of sexual tension. When sex or romance gets mixed in, the tug-o-war turns into sexual tension.

Don’t get me wrong. Being honest is great. I’m all for honesty. I’m honest and direct when I approach. But then I immediately inject some playful conflict, too. Otherwise the interaction becomes dull.

Also, when you pull away slightly, it creates want. What’s the nature of wanting?

Not having. When you have, the wanting goes away. So, being a bit of a challenge makes people want more. Again, it’s a fundamental of game.

Besides, who doesn’t enjoy some laughter, and that cliff-hanger feeling where you don’t know what’s going to happen next?

Okay, okay, okay. You’ve brought us back this issue of the direct versus indirect opener. Cool, whatever. You can do MM with a direct approach, no problem. You said tons of guys do go direct without any disqualification. Which guys did you have in mind?

IP: Tom Torero, Jon Matrix, Yad, Justin Wayne, the guys over at daygame.com, or even somebody like Chris Good Looking Loser. They all get hot girls without using MM. The evidence is there, dude.

Ren: Alright, let me watch those guys.

Each one of these guys approached ONE girl in the DAY. So, they opened with direct openers.

Ren: Every one of those guys approached ONE girl during the DAY. I thought we talked about this already. Of course, a direct approach IS more ideal in that context. If you’re going to approach groups of women, the game changes a bit.

Direct honesty is the way to go during the day. All I’m saying is it’s helpful to throw a little playful challenge in there, too. To make things interesting, to make her chase, to make her want.

IP: Well, here’s the other thing. Mystery’s game is so conversation-focused. There are tons of guys that focus on physical escalation, with minimal talking, and are successful.

Ren: I’m not sure who you have in mind, but I know Matador has a really physical game. And guess what? He was a student of Mystery’s. So what?

3. Quick Sex

jessica rabbit ugly

Why scrape the barrel…

jessica rabbit realistic

…when you could have this?

IP: Well, what if you’re looking for simple, quick sex, with little interest in getting to know a girl or developing a deep connection? Sometimes a girl’s horny and wants any guy to sleep with. You don’t need all these weird tactics. You just need to be in the right place at the right time.

Ren: I guess, but why would you want to just go for anyone, like sloppy drunk chicks? MM’s designed to pick up quality girls, the 9’s and 10’s. And part of MM is to be selective about the women you have sex with, to have sex with a girl you’d actually want to see again.

But, hey, if you want to go for the 5’s and 6’s, you can still use MM, too.

For me, the point of learning game isn’t to scrape the barrel and get laid by just anyone, but to learn a life skill and grow as a man.

IP: And what if the 9 or 10 happens to be a sloppy drunk?

Ren: She won’t be much of a 9 or 10 anymore. And kinda illegal if you took her home.

IP: The idea that hot girls are fundamentally “different” from other girls is a common fallacy. The same woman can be all dolled up in a nightclub and get hit on by lots of guys, but then Sunday morning at the coffee shop with no makeup and sweats, suddenly she’s considered less hot. Same girl. All women function in the same way.

Ren: Women and men function in the same way because we’re all human and we all want love. Why stop there? But to ignore the fact that 9’s and 10’s get more attention is just ignoring reality.

Girls who get more attention, get hit on more, get more breaks in life because they’re genetic freaks have a different psychology than a girl who’s been ignored all her life. So, there is a difference between approaching a 9 or 10 versus a 6 or 7.

IP: Every man has a different definition of hotness. One man’s 10 is another man’s 6. There’s a lot of subjectivity there.

Ren: Maybe some guys are into fat chicks. But put a fat chick on the cover of a magazine, I doubt it would sell as well. All of us know the difference between a 10 and a 6.

And ever heard about that experiment done on infants? Where scientists showed them pictures of average faces versus “beautiful” faces? The babies gazed on the beautiful faces more. There’s a lot more objectivity to beauty than you think. You know that. C’mon, man.

grace kelly

Grace Kelly. That’s a pretty beautiful face. Wouldn’t you say? Or is beauty just relative?

IP: I really, REALLY don’t like the number system for various reasons, but that’s for another discussion.

You’re absolutely right, there is such a thing as objective beauty. But objective beauty lies in things like symmetry, a certain wait-hip ratio, clear skin, healthy-looking hair, and so on.

So, although there are clear-cut objective, universal factors, there are still MANY factors that are subjective. That’s why I say one man’s 10 is another’s 6.

There are so many examples. I know one guy who ONLY dates black and hispanic chicks. I know another guy who only dates east asian chicks. No doubt they both respond to symmetry, but they have very different physical tastes nevertheless.

Look at the difference between, say, Taylor Swift and Beyonce. Personally I consider them both very beautiful. But they are also VERY different looking—skin color, body proportions, hair texture, facial features.

A guy who like big tits and ass will probably prefer Beyonce to Taylor. While Taylor will get lots of guys going, that particular guy would probably not even notice her in a bar.

Ren: Yes, gourmet food is gourmet food, but some might prefer filet mignon over lemon herb chicken. Who cares? My point is there are 9’s and 10’s. It’s not harder to attract 9’s and 10’s, it’s just different. There’s a little more play-fighting involved.

And that learning game is more than about getting laid. We may have all gotten in game for that originally. But it’s really about breaking the comfort zone, learning a life skill, growing as a man.

IP: Fair.

Ren: What about preselection? What’s your understanding of that? I’m guessing you think that’s another obsolete idea?

4. Preselection

From Robert Cialdini’s book “Influence.” According to his research on marketing, there are six basic weapons of psychological influence: Reciprocity; Commitment (and Consistency); Social Proof; Liking; Authority; Scarcity.

IP: Again, Mystery mentions this as one of the core necessities to attract a woman. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned past girlfriends or anything similar to a girl, at least not before sex. Rather than essential I see it as entirely optional. And sometimes detrimental. Because it can come off as bragging or in poor taste.

Ren: You’ve gotta read Cialdini’s “Influence” some time. He writes about six psychological factors that makes people want stuff. One of them is social proof. If lots of people want a product, it makes others want it, too. That’s all preselection is. Social proof.

An example of social proof.

An example of social proof.

And who said anything about bragging? Preselection addresses a pitfall a lot of guys fall into. That is, talking bad about their ex-girlfriends. He don’t realize that just makes him look bad.

Or, talking about how no women like him, and he’s a loser.

Chris Farley portraying himself negatively… not exactly the way to attract women: 

How could talking about yourself in this way possibly attract a woman?

The point is, negative talk about yourself and ex-girlfriends isn’t attractive. It’s like trying to sell a product by saying it sucks and no one likes it.

On the other hand, you can talk well about your ex-girlfriends, and yourself. For example, you can mention a girlfriend in passing. And talk well of her. Or, you can present yourself in such a way that you’re successful with them.

Don Juan DeMarco portraying himself positively by showing he has a clue with women… slightly more effective

That’s attractive.

No bragging, man. Just being conscious to replace negative talk with positive talk. How you can benefit her.

And you can take all that up a notch. If a woman sees you surrounded by women, it might pique her curiosity. She might think: “If he has value for her, he might have value for me.”

It’s an effective strategy.

There’s a great scene in “Legally Blonde” that illustrates this, too. To show the principle goes beyond MM:

Reese Witherspoon helps a guy attract a girl he’s interested. The girl’s not interested. Reese pretends he gave her pleasure, then broke her heart. Next thing you know, the girl’s interested in him. Elle Woods understood preselection.

Elle Woods demonstrating Social Proof:

You don’t have to use this strategy. But if you know people gravitate to what others want, why not use it?

IP: Maybe you can “pique her curiosity,” but it’s not guaranteed and it’s not essential. It’s totally optional. Also, it works great for certain girls, such as many who are very status-conscious, but not as well for others.

Ren: Brother, you couldn’t be more wrong. Preselection has NOTHING to do with “status-conscious” girls. It has everything to do with human psychology.

And if you don’t want to use preselection, cool. I don’t care. To me, you’d be like a guy who only wants to play “Mary Had A Little Lamb” on the piano. Sure, he can get by. But why not expand your horizons and learn a little Mozart? If you understand this piece of psychology, you can use it to make your game even tighter.

IP: Preselection brings up something else that’s been nullified by subsequent lessons in recent years, and that’s Mystery’s take on evolutionary psychology. For example, his ideas about being the “tribal leader.” You don’t necessarily have to be the biggest, more powerful guy in the room to pickup women.

5. Evolutionary Psychology and High-Status

Ren: So, now you’re saying you don’t need a lot of masculine energy to attract a woman?

I agree with you on one point. Evolutionary psychology. I’m not a fan of it myself. Ever since I read Lewontin’s “Biology As Ideology.”

This book, by a Harvard geneticist, makes a very convincing critique of evolutionary psychology

This book, by a Harvard geneticist, makes a very convincing critique of evolutionary psychology

David DeAngelo talks a lot about evolutionary psychology too, and it always makes my eyes glaze over. But I’ve never needed to believe in those myths to practice pickup.

That said, I DO think Mystery’s idea of the “tribal leader” is super-useful out in the field.

IP: Dude, “Tribal Leader” IS evolutionary psychology. He talks about ancient tribes and how the instincts that evolved in that prehistorical environment are still relevant today, and so on. That’s evolutionary psychology.

Ren: That’s the psycho-babble decorating a deeper truth. That women are attracted to masculine energy, especially to a high-status male rather than a low-status one.

There’s a joke, and I think it comes from Chris Rock but I’m not sure, where if Bill Clinton were working in a 7-11, women wouldn’t find him attractive anymore.

You could almost add to that: even if Hillary were president of the United States, guys still wouldn’t find her attractive. But it doesn’t matter if Candice Swanepoel were working in 7-11, she’d still be hot.

Candice Swanepoel. Still be hot if she worked at 7-11.

Candice Swanepoel. Wouldn’t matter if she worked at 7-11, would it?

IP: So, how do you convey high-status in the field? Brag?

Ren: No way. High-status can translate in the way you carry yourself, in your body language, the way you dress, speaking well, treating people with respect, unafraid of drawing boundaries. The swagger that comes from success with women.

That attracts chicks like cah-ra-zy. The way youth, facial symmetry, waist-hip ratio attracts guys.

Women find a survivor quality attractive because it’s masculine. It shows he’s strong enough to take care of her.

wolverine-trailer-banner

Wolverine: A man who can survive and who can protect. The idea is that’s masculine, and masculinity attracts women.

Men find a replicative quality attractive in a chicks because it’s feminine. Or it’s a sign of fertility.

Whatever the reason, being aware of the difference between how guys get attracted and women get attracted is super-useful in the field.

IP: Well, survival and replication is all part of evolutionary psychology. Which is fine. But to say it has nothing to do with pickup is silly.

Ren: You just totally missed my point. First, you don’t have to believe in evolutionary psychology to practice this idea. The idea being looks attract guys more, and having high-status attracts chicks more than looks. What I was trying to say was, you don’t need evolutionary psycho-babble to practice that.

IP: I agree status can make a big difference. But status is FLUID and dependent on context, as well as on the girl’s preferences.

A tatted-up 19-year-old hipster with a crappy part-time job into the indie rock scene is likely to have a VERY different conception of “status” than a 28-year-old preppy Harvard grad who works with a lobbying firm in D.C.

Accordingly, two very different kinds of men will be considered highly attractive to them. And note that both of these girls can be super-hot.

Ren: We can keep returning to this theme of relativism versus universals until we’re blue in the face. It’s still a cop-out.

Maybe a 19-year-old hipster has different taste in men than a 28-year-old Harvard grad. But strength, confidence, and masculinity are universals that’ll attract a woman no matter what. Whether she’s a tenured professor or a 19-year old college student.

IP: Well, if you say “status” is just about confidence, body language, and swagger, that’s hardly revolutionary and we don’t need MM to tell us that.

Ren: I wasn’t arguing that “confidence attracts women” is what’s revolutionary about MM. What’s revolutionary about MM is it’s a practice that helps guys GET that confidence and swagger.

You said at the beginning of all this Mystery had some good ideas. Out of curiosity, which did you have in mind?

CHAPTER THREE. IF MM IS *MOSTLY* OBSOLETE, IS THERE ANY GOOD?

Mystery lecturing

The “good” of The Mystery Method, according to Introverted Playboy: Mystery was the first to take a scientific approach. If that were true, what about all the academics who’ve taken a scientific approach to attraction before him? (Arthur Aron, Hellen Fisher, Desmond Morris, Lucy Brown, David Buss, Geoffery Miller, Margaret Meade, John Gottman… to name a few.)

IP: The GOOD thing that Mystery introduced, and this WAS revolutionary, was the notion we should take a scientific approach to understanding attraction.

Ren: Scientific approach? You mean evolutionary psychology?

IP: No, he gave us a different take on women than, for example, “what my uncle said about the birds and bees.” Which is what most male discussion about attraction was based on for generations to that point. This scientific approach was indeed novel.

Ren: Not sure if I follow.

IP: You could take your uncle’s word for it, OR you could look critically at the evidence and see what’s really going on. And see that status, for example, is part of what attracts girls. But there’s also more to the story.

Ren: Okay, so you do think status attracts women.

IP: I guess so.

Ren: My point: saying MM’s obsolete is dangerous because some might be tempted to throw out the baby out with the bathwater, and the fundamentals that go along with it.

IP: I do think people who dismiss MM out-of-hand run the risk of throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

But over time we’ve learned that only some of it you need, some of it is optional, some of it is only necessary in a certain context. And some of it will work great in some cases and actually be harmful in other.

Maybe obsolete isn’t the right word. Maybe incomplete or inadequate, or “not the whole story” would have been better.

CHAPTER FOUR. MM IS COMPREHENSIVE

Ren: Woooooow. That’s EXACTLY what’s awesome about MM. It IS comprehensive. It’s a guideline of what to do from meet to sex. It has the same structure as the beginning-middle-end of a story.

Mystery white board

Mystery with a diagram of his method. Looks complicated, but the idea’s simple: attract first (A), build comfort second (C), save seduction for last (S). More on this below.

Like storytellers, pickup artists can use the MM structure to give them the freedom to use his imagination to create his own “stories” with his own style.

There’s so much flexibility within the MM structure. As evidenced by all the guys who came after and added to him.

How else do you explain why Mystery’s trained more master pickup artists than any other? OR changed the lives of countless men who felt they were hopeless with women, like me?

IP: All the respect to Mystery, no doubt. But look at what happened with many of those guys—they wound up developing their own styles and methods. You look at someone like Tyler Durden/RSD, for instance, and what he teaches now bears almost no resemblance to MM, as far as infield action.

1. MM’s Comprehensive Allows For Different Styles

Ren: So? That’s how it is with any art. A teacher teaches you a skill, but you don’t master it until you make it your own. RSD may have their own style, but they still use the fundamentals of MM: create sexual tension, be the man, entice her to chase, attract first, build comfort second, seduce last.

IP: Remember there were and are tons of guys who did not succeed with MM, and eventually turned to other things, or turned their back on game altogether and joined PUAHate and whatnot.

Ren: If a guy starts learning piano and gives up does that invalidate piano? Just means he gave up.

If a guy doesn’t make the basketball team, does it invalidate basketball? Just means he didn’t make the cut.

If a guy never got his black-belt in martial arts, does it invalidate martial arts? It means he stopped going.

Same with people who had turned to PUAHate. Instead of looking at himself and how he could he improve, he blames an outside force, gets bitter and instead of growing just complains. It’s called sour grapes.

Sour Grapes

“Sour Grapes make the best whine.” Hehe. So damn true. Especially for the guys over at puahate.com.

Now, if MM is as specialized as you say, how do you explain him having his own TV show?

IP: Don’t go by TV. They’re in it for shock value and entertainment and money, nothing more.

Ren: Blanket statement, maybe? I’m not citing TV as an authority. I’m talking from the producer’s point-of-view. If I’m a producer who wants to create a show that appeals to a mass audience, I’d want it it to have mass appeal. If MM was so specialized, how could he have that mass appeal?

Maybe our disagreements boil down to where we’ve been practicing game. Maybe your focus has been on one-on-one day game, whereas my practice has revolved around approaching women in groups at night.

IP: I do approach small groups, 2-3 max. But I approach those groups usually with wing men available. I generally avoid mixed sets.

Ren: Maybe that’s why you say MM is obsolete, then. Because you’re afraid of trying it out. It’s definitely a different energy during the day. I know trying out MM’s been a life-changer for me.

IP: Note the higher energy in the night. More physical style like RSD succeed very well in the night game, so again it’s relative.

Ren: I feel like we’re going around in circles. We already established that. No one’s arguing you only have to approach indirectly. MM is just a proven guideline that works, a flexible structure with fundamentals. You can adapt that to all sorts of contexts.

IP: Well, a lot of it was off the mark, and other PUAs have learned it’s unnecessary. You say it’s comprehensive, but it’s not.

2. MM Shows All The Classic Mistakes Men Make With Women

Ren: How come MM explains every mistake a guy makes with a woman using each step:

  • The Mr. Nice Guy who approaches in comfort: “come here often?” By skipping attraction.

Below, the Nice Guy: he opens in comfort without bothering to spark interest/attraction first. And he hides the fact he’s being nice to get sex.

  • The Creepy Guy who approaches in seduction: “let’s fuck,” or just stares with lust. By skipping attraction and comfort and opening in seduction.
Mistake Creepy guy

The Creepy Guy. He opens in Seduction, before attracting or building comfort.

 

  • The guy who attracts, but gets stuck in comfort because he doesn’t kino escalate: the Friend Zone. By opening in attraction, builds comfort never moves to seduction.
mistake friend zone

The Friend Zone. He may have attracted her and built comfort, but he stays in comfort because he fears physically escalating.

  • The Player who attracts, but skips comfort and rushes to seduction: girl feeling buyer’s remorse, not returning his calls. By opening in attraction but skipping comfort.
Mistake how to be a player

The Player. He attracts, but skips comfort, and goes straight for seduction. He might get sex and rack up the women, but they usually have buyer’s remorse afterwards.

 

The idea is so damn simple.

  • Attract a woman FIRST before seducing or building comfort. Get some sexual chemistry going.
  • Build comfort and get to know her, second.
  • Then make a move (never in public, always in private) into a mutual seduction, third.

Simple, elegant, practical. Explains each mistake and how to solve them.

Also, it shows guys what the mating ritual looks like.

Every time we fall in love, regardless of place, time, we go through this process. We’re first attracted. We get to know the person. Then we seduce.

In fact, Desmond Morris, the zoologist who studied human behavior like any other animal, observed in “The Naked Ape” that the human mating ritual goes through three phases:

  1. Pair formation (courtship, or the attraction and comfort phases),
  2. Precopulatory activity (foreplay), and
  3. Copulation (sex).

He says it’s not always done in that order. For example, look at pre-arranged marriages. Husband and wife have sex before building a connection. But couples in a sexual relationship do go through the stages eventually.

Morris also observed that courtship last waaaay longer in humans than in animals.

Nakedape

Desmond Morris, the zoologist, made a similar observation as Mystery: the human mating ritual goes through three main stages.

What was before a mysterious process about HOW to be more successful with women on purpose (not on accident), has become like turning on the light in the dark so we’re not fumbling around.

Like a story structure, you fill MM out however you like. Just like the universal structure of story. Just as there are an infinite amount of stories, there are an infinite amount of ways to fill out MM.

3. MM Is Linear AND Cyclical

IP: Attraction-Comfort-Seduction. I personally find that model too linear. I think of the seduction process as more cyclical.

Ren: Cyclical?

IP: Yes, balancing comfort and stimulation.

Ren: Um, that’s already part of MM. He calls it microcalibration. Even in comfort you’ve still got to be a bit of a challenge. Throughout attraction, comfort, and seduction you balance the “neg” part of things with interest, appreciation, connection.

Mystery on Microcalibration: the “cyclical” aspect of MM

In fact, that right there is THE unifying principle that binds attraction-comfort-and seduction together. As well as taking the lead and being the man all along the way.

IP: My way is so much simpler. I discuss my model of attraction and seduction in my ebook Introverted Seduction.

Ren: Yeah, “Introverted Seduction.” Why do you call yourself “Introverted Playboy” anyway, and your book “Introverted Seduction”?

4. MM Is For Introverts AND Extroverts

 

Introvert vs extrovert 2

The point isn’t to stay introverted or extroverted, but to grow.

IP: Because it’s geared towards introverts. Introverted guys have unique challenges and strengths in game. People think we have a handicap in game, but with practice, we can excel. We just have to play to our strengths, and not act like extroverts.

So, my book’s about how you don’t have to wear furry hats, paint your fingernails black, run routines, or neg. It’s meant for men who like to spend time alone and enjoy quiet conversations with one or two people. So I wrote this book about how introverts can succeed with women.

Ren: By remaining introverted.

IP: Right. Be true to who you are.

Ren: First of all, you’re confusing the man with the method. Mystery the man has that style. You can still have your own style and learn MM. MM, on the other hand, is just a guideline you can adapt to fit that style of yours.

Second, did Jung have in mind to stay introverted when he invented those labels “Introversion” and “Extroversion”? I thought his point was to become a more integrated human being. Not to remain the same. To integrate some of the energy you’re deficient into your personality, so you can grow.

Carl Jung (1875-1961), the psychologist who invented the terms "introvert" and "extrovert." We weren't meant to stay the same, but to become more integrated persons.

Carl Jung (1875-1961), the psychologist who invented the terms “introvert” and “extrovert.” We  might lead with one temperament, but we have the ability to be both. The point is to integrate both energies into our personalities.

IP: No, it’s about knowing your strengths and playing to those. It’s about not pretending to be someone you’re not, and being true to yourself.

Ren: Mystery was a big-time introvert before he taught himself game. To this day he’s an introvert. You have to be to invent something like MM. But he also now knows how to be outgoing, too. In other words, he’s become a more “whole” person.

Same with Neil Strauss. Big-time introvert before he learned game. After he learned game, he also learned how to bring out his personality better.

David DeAngelo was an introvert. Ross Jeffries was an introvert. Brad P was an introvert. Tyler Durden was an introvert.

I’d say most of us who learn game started as nerdy introverts. I’m an introvert myself.

I don’t think any of us would say we’re pretending to be someone we’re not after learning how to be more extroverted. I think we’d all say we’ve learned to become a more well-rounded human being, who knows how to bring out his best self.

MM is for introverts by an introvert. It helps introverts break out of that comfort zone. AND extroverts learn a shit load too. For example, the winner of the first season of “VH1’s The Pickup Artist,” Cosmo, was a natural extrovert.

Below is a video of Cosmo. He gives an example of a qualifier in it. Only thing I’d disagree with him is they’re NOT meant to bring down someone’s “value.” Qualifiers are more about helping a girl step down from her pedestal, if she’s on one, so you and her can now talk human-being-to-human-being.

 

IP: Well sometimes a guy doesn’t want to be an extrovert. I’m not saying Mystery’s model doesn’t work or can’t work. I’m just saying it’s rigid and limiting.

Ren: No, man. Just the opposite. MM’s super flexible. You can adapt it to your own personality and any context you’d like.

Or, are you saying it’s not good to have structure at all? That all structure is rigid and limiting?

5. MM’s Structure Gives You Freedom

What often happens when we have no structure, direction, or map.

What happens when there’s no structure, direction, map.

IP: I prefer to be intuitive about it. You don’t need a structure.

Ren: But structure’s what keeps the universe in place. It keeps the body in place. It keeps a story in place. It keeps music in place. And it keeps game in place.

And the beautiful thing about structure is it’s as flexible as a tree bending in the wind.

Not only that but having a structure allows you to take the lead. It’s like a map that helps you know where to go next. Otherwise, without a structure, you’d get into these fumbling, go-nowhere conversations.

Ironically, it’s having no structure that’s limiting. Structure sets you free.

IP: Structure sets you free? How’s that possible?

Ren: Imagine a bridge between two cliffs. That’s what structure is. Without the bridge in place you can’t get anywhere, and you might drown in the water below.

Broken Bridge

What having no structure is like. Can’t go anywhere.

Now, if you have a wobbly bridge, you won’t be able to walk across it with a lot of confidence. But if you have a strong bridge, now you can dance and have the freedom to be yourself. It’s counter-intuitive, but a strong structure gives you more freedom.

When striking up conversations with with strangers, it’s especially helpful to have a plan. Knowing what to do first, second, and third allows you to lead an interaction to a destination.

IP: Well, I think MM creates unnecessary extra steps that just get in the way. As many have said over the years, his teachings are complicated and contain unnecessary, superfluous material. It’s too complicated and completely anti-intuitive.

6. MM Is A Backwards Rationalization Of An Intuitive Process

Ren: Nope. You’re looking at MM through the lens of other people’s labels and misunderstanding, rather than taking the time to understand MM itself.

MM is the result of Mystery looking back on all his successful pickups and seeing a pattern. Certain things happened again and again when he succeeded. When he failed, he found that pattern wasn’t in place. That pattern became the Mystery Method.

And any skill seems it’s complicated at first. If you read about about how to drive a car, you’d probably think it’s too complicated and anti-intuitive. But after you practice those steps, it becomes intuitive. It’s helpful to have steps as a teaching tool until talking to women becomes intuitive.

Written down, driving a car seems counter-intuitive and complicated. The more you drive a car, the more intuitive it becomes, until you're driving 70 miles an hour eating a bowl of ice cream. Okay, you're right. Maybe not such a good idea.

Driving a car seems counter-intuitive and complicated at first. The instructions are meant for beginners. The more you practice the guidelines, the more “second nature” it becomes. Until you’re driving 87 miles an hour while texting. Not recommending that.

IP: Well, there’s just too much superfluous material.

7. Every Step In MM Has A Purpose

Ren: Like?

IP: A1, A2, A3… way to complex.

Ren: What does each of those refer to?

IP: A1 Open, A2 DHV, A3 qualify.

Attraction

Attraction: it works the same way as electricity or magnetism. Opposite forces attract. Like forces repel. Masculine energy attracts the feminine. And playful conflict attracts more than being completely alike and perfectly nice.

Ren: Each one totally necessary and has a purpose.

I’ve gotta share this cool experiment with you. Did you hear about this by Arthur Aron at SUNY-Stony Brook on what makes two people fall in love?

IP: No…

Ren: Oh, it’s so cool. You know what her found out? He discovered there are three things makes us fall in love: sexual tension, mutual self-disclosure, and to discover the other person likes you for legitimate reasons.

When I first read this, it blew me away, because this is exactly what A2 and A3 refer to.

You do only two things in A2: a) create sexual tension with your target through negs (or play-fighting) and b) self-disclose yourself to her friends through DHV (or sharing yourself).

A3 is the mirror image of A2. By sharing yourself first in A2, you’re in a better position to ask about herself, by qualifying her. After she answers your question, you give a “Statement-Of-Interest,” telling her you like her, and make her feel liked for legitimate reasons.

The entire purpose of the attract phase: spark sexual tension, mutual self-disclosure, so you can make her feel liked for legitimate reasons.

The real genius of A1, A2, and A3 is it ALSO answers four basic questions people ask themselves (credit: hilarious and insightful blogger BossyMoksie) whenever a stranger approaches them out of the blue:

  1. Why is he approaching me? (Or, what does he want from us?)
  2. How long am I going to be stuck with him? (Or, hopefully we’re not stuck with him.)
  3. Who is he?
  4. What can he do for me?

A1, the opener, answers the first two questions. First, you “root” yourself, i.e. let them know why you’re approaching.

You can be honest and direct: “You guys looked cool and I wanted to introduce myself” or “I’ve got this rule that whenever I see someone attractive, I’ve gotta say hi.”

Or, you’re approaching because you’re being outgoing, friendly, out meeting everyone.

Or, you’re approaching because you want to get a female opinion on something…

Below’s the REAL origin of the classic opinion opener “Who lies more, men or women?” at about 4:15

Whatever the reason, people won’t hear a word of what you’re saying unless they know why you’re talking with them first.

Second, give some kind of a time constraint. This can be verbal: “I’ve only got a sec.”

Or, through your body language: if your feet are turned away from them it communicates you’re not going to be there forever. In fact, you’re on your way out.

My favorite constraint’s to play-fight within the second sentence out my mouth. This is my favorite because it’s all about positive energy. Positive energy is the #1 thing to attract. It’s the male equivalent to big tits.

Third, open within 3 seconds to avoid being the Creepy Guy who stares or stalks. Really he’s being “The Nice Guy.” He waits for the woman to leave her group so he can catch her alone and hit on her… Much better to disarm the group using stories and humor that shows a non-insulting LACK of interest.

That’s all A1 is. Opening within 3 seconds, hooking a set by rooting yourself, and giving a constraint. Once you do that, you’re into A2.

And A2 is all about introducing yourself. It answers their next two questions:

You’re telling the group who you are. And…

…by initiating an interesting topic of conversation (DHV) while bringing humor to the table (negs), you’re giving the group value.

Once you introduce yourself it’s natural to ask about them… and you’re off into A3.

Brilliant. It works in any context you can imagine. And you can fill this structure out however you like.

IP: Well, what about C1, C2, C3…?

Comfort

Comfort: getting to know each other, and building a connection.

Ren: C1, C2, and C3 are distinguished by location.

C1 takes place in the pickup venue. It’s also the secret to getting a solid phone number. Which is spending 25-40 minutes with her.

Getting a number in three minutes WILL flake. ‘Cause she doesn’t know you. Spending time getting to know her (25-40 minutes) gives her reason to pick up the phone.

But why play phone game at all when you can “time bridge”? That means NOT waiting to make a date later, but right there and then when you have her in person. It’s the opposite of what most guys do. It’s smart.

C2 is about visiting 3-5 venues with her. They’re neither in the pickup location nor the sex location. This builds more trust than spending the same amount of time with her in one place. If she sees you in only the venue you met as strangers, you’ll still feel like strangers. If you go to places together, well, you’re going into them “together.” You’re no longer strangers.

And THAT’S the secret to inviting her back to your place. Take her to multiple places. Then when you invite her to you place, she’ll accept because it’s just one more place.

Also, C2 means NOT waiting to kiss her at the end of the night. Be kissing already. Be touching each other already. That way when you go for foreplay in S1, it’s not an awkward move but an organic one.

C3 begins once she’s accepted your invitation to come back to your place and she’s alone with you there.

C3 means having a non-sexual reason for inviting her up: check out my aquarium, check out that movie we talked about, play that song on my guitar for you. Allow her to plausibly deny she’s coming up for sex. Let her save face and not appear “slutty.”

C3 also means NOT pouncing her when she’s at your place. For example, check your messages. Get her a drink. Put on a movie, play her a song on your guitar, play the home version of Dance, Dance Revolution. Or tell each other’s grounding stories. The grounding story can also be done in C2, but it’s often done in C3.

C3 continues to build comfort and trust, because you’re NOT pouncing as soon as she’s alone with you. By not pouncing, it builds sexual tension. She’s more likely to pounce on you!

IP: And S1, S2, and S3?

Seduction

Seduction: Woo-hoo!

Ren: S1 is foreplay.

Foreplay

Foreplay: emotional connection turns into a physical connection.

S1 is the rule to NOT make out until you’re in private.

S1 also includes the idea that foreplay is about teasing her. Smelling her hair for five minutes without touching her. Not going directly to her sexual spots. To inch toward them but take detours, building even more sexual tension. Taking two steps forward, one step back. Making her want it more and more.

Don't skip foreplay

Why we should never skip foreplay.

S2 is female psychology 101 about why her “Last Minute Resistance” to sex comes up.

The reason: it feels like our First Minute Resistance to approaching.

She doesn’t want to be perceived as a slut. She wants to know you’re gonna stick around after sex. Not necessarily get married, but to know the option is hers.

Why Last Minute Resistance comes up.

Why Last Minute Resistance comes up.

So, S2 is all about empathy. It’s about not forcing the issue, or making her feel guilty, or logic-ing her to death about why she should have sex. It’s about agreeing with her, then trying again later until she feels comfortable.

The point’s to let her know you’re going to stick around after sex. And that the notion of “slut” is double-standard bullshit.

The best way to deal with LMR is preemptively, though. By hinting you’ll stick around sex throughout the comfort phase before the issue might come up later.

Finally, S3 is first time sex.

Foreplay and the sex

Giving her great sex.

It’s about being choosy who you have sex with. To have sex with someone you want to see again. If you’re polyamorous, she can be one of your girlfriends (and that means being upfront with her that you’re in a “dating” phase of your life, it does NOT mean sneaking around) or if you want one girlfriend, maybe she’s it.

The point is: practice up until S2. Only cross the line to S3 if you want to see her again.

See how comprehensive MM is? How flexible and adaptable it is?

IP: It does make sense.

Ren: Tell me about it!

8. MM Uses Routines AND Spontaneous Conversation

Pianist 1960,art,illustration,painting,pianist,robert,mcginnis-854a9e089136770de54ef515257917e8_h

Routines are like a pianist learning a piece by Mozart or an actor learning his lines or a cook learning a recipe. You can focus on your delivery. Based on that foundation you can make up your own stuff. We mix routines and spontaneous conversation all the time.

IP: But maybe his style is useful for beginners who need specific words, stories, questions to get conversations going and to transition into more interesting interactions.

Routines are useful only if they’re unique to you. Ultimately, I think everyone should cultivate their ability for spontaneous communication in the moment.

Ren: I’ve been practicing pickup for awhile. I still use MM, routines, AND spontaneous together.

You’re not saying you’re above routines, are you? That it’s only for beginners? Because all of us rely on routines everyday.

When we say “Hi, how are you” or “thank-you” those are routines. When we tell the story about “why I chose to live in the state of Maine” again because we’ve polished it and we know it works, that’s a routine. Comedians use routines, too.

Then we can build on that foundation of a routine to make up our own stuff. But we always use routines and spontaneous communication together.

I also like routines because it teaches you to tell a story so well that you bring out your personality. You get to concentrate on your delivery like an actor. You can concentrate on your body language, your facial expression, your tone. The emotional communication.

Pickup is a performance art. It’s a way to become your best self. MM gives you the tools to do this.

CHAPTER FIVE.
HAVE YOU TRIED MM?

Ren: Now, I’ve gotta ask. Have you even tried MM out, or is everything you know about it hearsay?

NO RESPONSE.

Ren: Introverted Playboy? Hello?

NO RESPONSE.

CONCLUSION

The Mystery Method isn’t obsolete. It’s a message that originated in marketing to compete with Mystery. They had to knock him down to make themselves look better. Some guys bought into this and seem to use it as an excuse not to try it at all. Instead of taking the time to understand MM, they ignore the treasure trove that’s in it.

Worse, those who who’ve bought into the intellectual masturbation around the messages probably haven’t even tried it. They prefer direct, one-on-one day game because it’s safer.

Another theme behind this message: there are no universals, everything is a free-for-all. That was the same argument the sophists had put forth in ancient Athens: there’s no truth, everything is relative. It confused the Athenians then, it confuses guys today.

Socrates and the sophists

The obsession with the newest, shiniest thing is not unlike claiming there are no objective standards. Of course there’s room for change. But without standards or fundamentals you’ve got no basis to build on.

Even in Einstein’s theory of relativity, there are universals. Without the universal of the speed of light, the relativity of time and space doesn’t work.

There are universals underlying game, and there are fundamentals. That’s what the Mystery Method is about. The fundamentals. It’s not the be-all and end-all. It’s like the beginning-middle-ending structure story-tellers use to tell stories.

The structure’s flexible and there’s lots of room for invention. In fact, it’s structure that frees an artist to invent. Much of the new developments in pickup are possible because of the foundation MM laid down.

Rather than talk about it, try it. You’ll see for yourself.

It works.

The Mystery Method isn't obsolete, because it's about the fundamentals.

The Mystery Method isn’t obsolete, because it’s about the fundamentals.

 
 

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Quotes

Getting ready to read some quotes

Getting ready to read some quotes

Here are some pearls of wisdom relevant to not only success with women, but being an excellent man. I’ve divided these quotes into three main parts: Inner-Game, Outer-Game, and Martial Arts Quotes. Here’s how each part breaks down:

:::Table of Contents:::

I. Inner-Game

  1. Integrity
  2. Discipline and Persistence
  3. Dealing with Sadness and Rejection
  4. It’s Okay To Make Mistakes
  5. You Create Your Own Reality
  6. The Mind
  7. On Having  Direction
  8. Social Freedom: Who Cares What People Think of You?
  9. Empathy

II. Outer-Game

  1. Qualify
  2. Philosophers on Seduction
  3. From The Community
  4. On Seduction and Sex
  5. On Women
  6. Relationship Maintenance

III. Martial Arts

  1. Martial Arts Quotes Relevant To Venusian Arts

I. INNER-GAME

Inner-game and self-reflection. Drawing by M.C. Escher, 1935.

Inner-game and self-reflection. Drawing by M.C. Escher, 1935.

1. Integrity

Soren Kierkegaard

Danish Philosopher Soren Kierkegaard, Grandfather of Existential Philosophy. 1813- 1855

The majority of men are subjective towards themselves and objective towards all others, terribly objective sometimes–but the real task is in fact to be objective towards oneself and subjective towards all others.” – Soren Kierkegaard, Papirer VIII (A165, Alexander Dru, translator, p. 676) as quoted by Howard and Edna Long, translators of Works of Love in “Translator’s Introduction” (New York: HarperTorchbooks, 1962), p. 13.

2. Discipline and Persistence

Discipline

Discipline

“Self-respect is the fruit of discipline.” – Abraham J. Heschel

selfdisciplinerooseveltquote

“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.” –Calvin Coolidge, 1872 – 1933, 30th U.S. President

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“Discipline gives total freedom; it allows you to go beyond limitations, to break through boundaries and reach the highest goal.” — Chidvilasananda

“If you never take risks in life, you’ll never see anything new” 
― Blake Lewis

“You have failed only when you quit trying. Until then, you’re still in the act of progression. So, never quit trying and you’ll never be a failure.” —Tommy Kelley

“Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to be able to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart; that’s true strength.” -Unknown, From Erospainter.tumblr.com

“Pain is only weakness leaving your body, so dont give up because it hurts … keep going cause it makes you stonger.” – Brandon Moore

“That which doesn’t kill me, will make me stronger!” – Friedrich Nietzsche

Hell, yeah

Hell, yeah

“We do not rise to the level of our expectations. We fall to the level of our training”

“True strength is the flower of Wisdom, but its seed is action.”

“Victory is reserved for those who are willing to pay its price.” – Sun Tzu

“It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.” – Confucius

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.” – Confucius

“Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole body and soul can be a true master.  For this reason, mastery demands all of a person.”

“The more you sweat in training, the less you will bleed in battle.” – Motto of Navy Seals

3. Dealing with Sadness and Rejection

Merlin. From Disney's "Sword in the Stone"

Merlin puffing on his pipe. From Disney’s “Sword in the Stone.”

“The best thing for being sad,” replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, “is to learn something. That’s the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn.”— T.H. White, “The Once and Future King”

4. It’s Okay To Make Mistakes

Herman Hesse, German poet, novelist, and painter. 1877 – 1962

Herman Hesse, German poet, novelist, and painter. 1877 – 1962

“I learned through my body and soul that it was necessary to sin, that I needed lust, that I had to strive for property and experience nausea and the depths of despair in order to learn not to resist them, in order to learn to love the world, and no longer compare it with some kind of desired imaginary vision of perfection, but to leave it as it is, to love it and be glad to belong to it.” –Herman Hesse via nonedusa.

5. You Create Your Own Reality

Creating your own reality

Creating your own reality

“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations. It is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“We can always choose to perceive things differently. We can focus on what’s wrong in our life, or we can focus on what’s right.” – Unknown, From Erospainter.tumblr.com

“You may believe that you are responsible for what you do, but not for what you think. The truth is that you are responsible for what you think, because it is only at this level that you can exercise choice. What you do comes from what you think.” -Unknown, From Erospainter.tumblr.com

“I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou

“Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.” -Unknown, From Erospainter.tumblr.com 

“Something amazing happens when we surrender and just love. We melt into another world, a realm of power already within us. The world changes when we change. the world softens when we soften. The world loves us when we choose to love the world.” -Unknown, From Erospainter.tumblr.com

“See first with your mind, then with your eyes, and finally with your body” – Yagyu Munenori

6. The Mind

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Success begins in your mind. Positive thoughts or negative thoughts. Either way, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy

“He Who Knows Others Is Wise. He Who Knows Himself Is Enlightened.” – Tao Te Ching

“Given enough time, any man may master the physical. With enough knowledge, any man may become wise. It is the true warrior who can master both….and surpass the result.” – Tien T’ai

“Act like a man of thought – Think like a man of action.” – Thomas Mann

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Mental bearing (calmness), is not skill, it is the sign of a matured marital artist (or Venusian Artist). A martial artist (or Venusian Artist) therefore should neither be pompous nor arrogant.” – Tsukahara Bokuden.

“Talk is easy – ACTION is difficult. Action is easy – TRUE UNDERSTANDING is difficult!”

“One finds life through conquering the fear of death within one’s mind. Empty the mind of all forms of attachment, make a go-for-broke charge and conquer the opponent with one decisive slash.” – Togo Shigekata.

“The undisturbed mind is like the calm body water reflecting the brilliance of the moon. Empty the mind and you will realize the undisturbed mind.” – Yagyu Jubei

“It is the very mind itself that leads the mind astray; Of the mind, Do not be mindless.”

“To think, “I will not think” – This, too, is something in one’s thoughts. Simply do not think about not thinking at all.” – Takuan

“The no-mind not-thinks no-thoughts about no-things.” – The Buddha

“Be master OF mind rather than mastered BY mind” – Zen Saying

7. On Having Direction

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“Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it.” – Buddha 

“It comes down to a simple question: what do you want out of life, and what are you willing to do to get it? Be specific in what you want, and use specific words. Empower yourself, and become the person you dream about. Listen closely: the only time it’s too late to change yourself is when you’re dead. Until then, you’re simply making excuses or lying to yourself.” -Unknown, From Erospainter.tumblr.com

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people how have come alive.” – Gil Bailie as quoted by John Eldredge in “Wild at Heart,” p. 200.

“What would you do right now if you knew that everything today would 
turn out perfectly? What project would you start, what person would 
you talk to, what problem would you tackle if you could be assured of
success? Is there anything you’re putting off because you’re afraid of 
failure? Is there anyone you’re avoiding because you’re afraid of 
what they would say or think? There is no guarantee of success. But there is a guarantee that if you never go for it, you’ll never have it. And even in the failed attempts, you’ll learn and grow. There is no guarantee that other people will think highly of all you say and do. But that’s their problem. Do you believe in the worth of your own pursuits? If so, then what could possibly prevent you from following them? If you’re looking for a sure thing, then here’s one — everything you achieve will come only from the things you attempt. In order to succeed, you must proceed. Today is a great day to start.” -Unknown, From Erospainter.tumblr.com

“Everything you can imagine is real.” ― Pablo Picasso

 “This is our purpose: to make as meaningful as possible this life that has been bestowed upon us … to live in such a way that we may be proud of ourselves, to act in such a way that some part of us lives on.” 
― Oswald Spengler 
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8. Social Freedom: Who cares what others think about you? 

Not afraid to be a little different, to stand out

Not afraid to be a little different and stand out

“I remember how frightened I was to say to an intimate friend of mine, ‘I don’t really need you. I can be perfectly happy without you. And by telling you this I find I can enjoy your company thoroughly–no more anxieties, no more jealousies, no more possessiveness, no more clinging. It is a delight to be with you when I am enjoying you on a non-clinging basis. You’re free; so am I.’ ” – Anthony DeMello, Jesuit Priest from “Detachment” in his book “Awareness”

“Having a lot of money has nothing to do with being a success in life. You’re a success in life when you wake up! Then you don’t have to apologize to anyone, you don’t have to explain anything to anyone, you don’t give a damn what anybody thinks about you or what anybody says about you. You have no worries; you’re happy. That’s what I call being a success..” – Anthony DeMello, “Obstacles to Happiness” in Awareness

“Letting go is the lesson. Letting go is always the lesson. Have you ever noticed how much of our agony is all tied up with craving and loss?” ― Susan Gordon Lydon, “The Knitting Sutra: Craft as a Spiritual Practice”

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson, “A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles”

“Why are trying so hard to fit in, when you’re born to stand out” -Unknown, From Erospainter.tumblr.com

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his opinions courageously and honestly.” –Albert Einstein, in a letter to a professor emeritus of philosophy at the College of the City of New York, defending the appointment of Bertrand Russell to a teaching position

“They will say you are on the wrong road, if it is your own.” –Antonio Porchia

9. Empathy

Dale Carnegie, author of the classic: "How To Win Friends and Influence People."

Dale Carnegie, author of the classic: “How To Win Friends and Influence People.”

If there is any one secret to success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.” – Henry Ford

“We are interested in others when they are interested in us.”– Publilis Syrus, Roman Poet

“The desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature.” – John Dewey

“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” – William James

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.”  ~Voltaire

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  Maya Angelou

“ Inside the heart of each and every one of us there is a longing to be understood by someone who really cares. When a person is understood, he or she can put up with almost anything in the world.” – Unknown, from Erospainter.tumblr.com

“Always make the other person feel important…All of us want to feel important. We don’t want empty flattery, but we do want recognition of our worth…So let’s obey the Golden Rule, and give unto others what we would have others give unto us…How? When? Where? The answer is: All the time, everywhere.” – Dale Carnegie, “How to Win Friends” page 100-101.

“Your highest self only wants you to be at peace. It does not judge, compare or demand that you defeat anyone, or be better than anyone. It only wants you to be at peace. Whenever you are about to act, ask yourself this question: “Is what I am about to say or do going to bring me peace?” If the answer is yes, then go with it and you will be allowing yourself the wisdom of your highest self. If the answer is no, then remind yourself that it is your ego at work.

“The ego promotes turmoil because it wants to substantiate your separateness from everyone, including God. It will push you in the direction of judgment and comparison, and cause you to insist on being right and best. You know your highest self by listening to the voice that only wants you to be at peace.” – Wayne Dyer, “Manifest Your Destiny,” p. 21. 

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. 
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
 If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
 The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. 
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” 
― Kent M. Keith

“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.” 
 Mahatma Gandhi

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” 
 Martin Luther King, Jr., “A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches

“It is easy to kill someone with a slash of a sword. It is hard to be impossible for others to cut down” – Yagyu Munenori

“Master the divine techniques of the Art of Peace and no enemy will dare to challenge you.” – Ueshiba

“Nothing is so strong as gentleness. Nothing is so gentle as real strength.” – Frances de Sales

“Victory goes to the one who has no thought of himself.”– Shinkage School of Swordsmanship

“Youth ends when egotism does; maturity begins when one lives for others.” ― Herman Hesse, “Gertrude”

II. OUTER-GAME

Master Yoda showing how Outer-game is based on a strong Inner-game

Master Yoda showing how Outer-game is based on a strong Inner-game

1O. Qualify

Be the selector. Qualify her.

Be the selector. Be choosy. Qualify her.

“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind.” – William Shakespeare, “A Midsummer Night’s Dream

“Tell me what a man finds sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life. Show me the woman he sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself….. The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer—because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement, not the possession of a brainless slut.” – Ayn Rand, “Atlas Shrugged”

“Some (women) look fierce, but are mild. Some seem timid, but are vicious. Look beyond appearances; position yourself for the advantage.” – Deng Ming-Dao

11. Philosophers on Seduction

Jean Baudrillard, 1929 - 2007. French philosopher and author of "Seduction."

Jean Baudrillard, 1929 – 2007. French philosopher and author of “Seduction.”

Challenge, and not desire, lies at the heart of seduction.” – Jean Baudrillard

“Whenever I call upon a woman I never fail to take with me a little whip.” ~ Nietzsche

And because she’s served with all the attentions due to a god by a lover who is not pretending otherwise but is truly in the throes of love, and because she’s disposed to be a friend of the man who’s serving her (even if she… initially rejects the lover)… she lets the man spend time with her. It is a decree of fate, you see, that bad is never friends with bad, while good cannot fail to be friends with good.

Now that she allows her lover to talk and spend time with her, and the man’s good will is close at hand, the girl is amazed by it as she realizes that all the friendship she has… is nothing compared to that of this friend who’s inspired by a god. After the lover has spent some time doing this, staying near the girl (even touching her… on occasions), then the spring… named ‘Desire’… begins to flow mightily in the lover and is partly absorbed by her, and when she is filled, it overflows and runs away outside her.

Think how a breeze or an echo bounces back from a smooth solid object to its source; that is how the stream of beauty goes back to the beautiful girl and sets her aflutter. It enters through her eyes, which are its natural route to the soul; there it waters the passages for the wings, starts the wings growing, and fills the soul of the loved one with love in return.

Then the girl is in love, but has no idea what she loves. She does not understand, and cannot explain, what has happened to her. It is as if she had caught an eye disease from someone else, but could not identify the cause; she does not realize that she is seeing herself in the lover as in a mirror.

So when the lover is near, the girl’s pain is relieved just as the lover’s is, and when they are apart she yearns as much as she is yearned for, because she has a mirror image of love in him–‘back love’– though she neither speaks nor thinks of it as love, but as friendship.

Still, her desire is nearly the same as her lover’s, though weaker: he wants to see, touch, kiss, and lie down with her; and of course, as you might expect, she acts on these desires soon after they occur.. Meanwhile… swelling with desire, confused, she hugs her lover and kisses him in delight at his great good will. And whenever they are lying together she’s completely unable, for her own part, to deny the lover any favor he might beg to have…

Now if victory goes to the better elements in both their minds… their life here below is one of bliss and shared understanding.”  – Plato, “Phaedrus,” 255a – 256a

“For among animals the principle is the same as with us, and mortal nature seeks so far as possible to live forever and be immortal. And this is possible in one way only: reproduction, because it always leaves behind a new young one in place of the old. …it is for the sake of immortality that everything shows this zeal, which is Love. Look, if you will, how human beings seek honor… wanting to be famous and ‘to lay glory immortal forever.’ I believe that anyone will do anything for the sake of immortal virtue and the glorious fame that follows; and the better the people, the more they will do, for they are all in love with immortality.”  — Plato, “Symposium” 207d – 208e  Everyone wants to feel important. She has that same vulnerable human need just like you.

12. From The Seduction Community

Two of the biggest figures in the seduction community: Neil Strauss ("Style") and Erik Von Markovik ("Mystery")

Two of the biggest figures in the seduction community: Neil Strauss (“Style”) and Erik Von Markovik (“Mystery”)

“…women have a ‘shadow’ or dark side. This dark side is secretly wanting a man that is in control of himself, his reality, and them. But they’d never admit it – often not even to themselves.” – David DeAngelo, “Double Your Dating,” p. 13

“Females select males most of the time in nature… Sooooooo… when talking to women… point out that you are the selector and not the selectee… It points out something to the woman that she’s most likely NEVER HEARD FROM A MAN IN HER ENTIRE LIFE.” – David DeAngelo, p. 10 – 11, “Double Your Dating”

“(Helitzer) said (in “Comedy Writing Secrets”) that most of being funny is the CHARACTER and not the jokes. The lines didn’t much matter, as long as they fit in with the character. Now that I have created this CHARACTER for myself, things are all different. Women now call me. They pursue me. They want to be around me. It’s strange and magical and weird.” – David DeAngelo, p. 52, “Double Your Dating”

“3 things girls look for most in a man: a great smile, to be made to laugh, to feel a connection.” 

~ Mystery, from a Fall 1998 post, extracted from: “Mystery’s Field Reports from 1998-2006,” bonus ebook with “Revelations.” The Reports were written before Mystery invented The Mystery Method while he was learning about women. In this quote, he was still figuring out how to be successful with women. During a game called “Hot Seat” with some girls at a party, they said this to him. It gave him an “aha” moment.

“SIX CHARACTERISTICS OF AN ALPHA MALE: (Parentheses indicate my own comments.) 

1. The number one characteristic of an alpha male is the smile. Smile when you enter a room. As soon as you walk in a club, the game is on. And by smiling, you look like you’re together, you’re fun, and you’re somebody.  

2. Be well-groomed. Have your fashion together: wear at least one interesting item of clothing. If you look average, you’re going to get average girls. Alpha males don’t blend in, they stand out. (Shower. Soap yourself at least three times to smell really clean. Brush your teeth. Make sure your breath smells good. Carry gum if you have to. Put on a great smelling deodorant. If you’re going to put on cologne, make sure it’s just a DAB. At the very least, dress the best you can.)

3. “Possess a sense of humor.” (Negs are a great way to make women laugh.) 

4. “Connect with people.” (Don’t do all the talking. Listen. Put yourself in their shoes. Also, at bottom, every person wants to feel important. Don’t knock people down. Make people feel important.) 

5. “Be the social center of a room. There are the observers and the observed. Be the observed.” The three second rule isn’t just opening the first attractive women you see. It means opening the first people you see period. (Talk to everyone, even if it’s a simple “How’s your night going?” Bartenders, Bouncers, ugly girls, guys. Be the social center of a room.) 

6. “Confidence.” Speaking slowly and enthusiastically is a sign of confidence. (Confidence comes from competence. You’re the prize. You’re the selector. Not her. If you don’t know this about yourself yet,) Fake it till you make. (Dwell on your positive attributes and your accomplishments not your drawbacks and failures. Keep telling yourself you’re the catch and she’s lucky talking with you. That belief translates into confidence. And women will smell it off you like cologne.) -Mystery, From “The Game,” by Neil Strauss, p. 21-22.

“THE BASIC FORMAT TO ALL APPROACHES: 

1. Smile when you walk into a room. See the group with the target and follow the three-second rule. Do not hesitate–approach instantly. 

2. Recite a memorized opener, if not two or three in a row. 

3. The opener should open the group, not just the target. When talking, ignore the target for the most part. If there are men in the group, focus your attention on the men. 

4. Neg the target with one of the slew of negs we’ve come up with. Tell her, “It’s so cute. Your nose wiggles when you laugh.” Then get her friends to notice and laugh about it. 

5. Convey personality to the entire group. Do this by using stories, magic, anecdotes, and humor. Pay particular attention to the men and the less attractive women. During this time, the target will notice that you are the center of attention. You may perform various memorized pieces like the photo routine, but only for the obstacles. 

6. Neg the target, if appropriate. If she wants to look at the pictures, for example, say “Oh my god, she’s so grabby. How do you roll with her?” 

7. Ask the group, “So, how does everyone know each other?” If the target is with one of the guys, find out how long they’ve been together. 

8a. If it’s a serious relationship, eject politely by saying, “Pleasure meeting you.” 

8b. If she is not spoken for, say to the group, “I’ve sort of been alienating your friend. Is it all right if I speak to her for a couple of minutes?” They always say, “Uh, sure. If it’s okay with her.” If you’ve executed the preceding steps correctly, she will agree. 

9. Isolate her from the group by telling her you want to show her something cool. Take her to sit with you nearby. As you lead her through the crowd, do a kino test by holding her hand. If she squeezes back, it’s on. Start looking for other IOIs. 

10. Sit with her and perform a rune reading, an ESP test, or any other demonstration that will fascinate and intrigue her. 

11. Tell her, “Beauty is common but what’s rare is a great energy and outlook on life. Tell me, what do you have inside that would make me want to know you as more than a mere face in the crowd?” If she begins to list qualities, this is a positive IOI. 

12. Stop talking. Does she reinitiate the chat with a question that begins with the word “So?” If she does, then you’ve now seen three IOIs and can… 

13. Kiss close. Say, out of the blue, “Would you like to kiss me?” If the setting or circumstances aren’t conducive to physical intimacy, then give yourself a time constraint by saying, “I have to go, but we should continue this.” Then get her number and leave.” – Mystery, From “The Game,” by Neil Strauss, p. 35

“I needed to let her know that unlike every other guy in the bar, I am not and will not be intimidated by her looks. Beauty to me was now a shit test: It weeded out the losers who got dumbstruck by it.” – Neil Strauss, p. 152, “The Game”

“The key to attraction is banter. What is banter? It’s playful dominance. Banter is play fighting.” ~Lance Mason

“If you cut through the B.S. exterior of a pretty woman’s faux social persona, she’s just an average girl… There’s inherently nothing different between an average looking girl and a really beautiful one. Deep down they are still a woman and need loving.”  ~ Rion Williams, p.227 “Men’s Guide to Women”

“First, she needs to feel appreciated for the unique individual that she is. She needs to feel special, unlike any other woman, and she needs to know that her man supports her in her endeavors. 

Second, she needs to feel that deep, intimate emotional connection. She needs to have that emotional intimacy with her man. It’s a connection she shares only with him. 

Third, she needs to feel like a woman. She needs to feel beautiful, sexy, and feminine. She needs to enjoy all those things that come with being a woman. 

Finally, she needs hot, passionate sex. She needs to be seduced, enticed, teased, and satisfied, over and over again. She needs to experience new things, in new ways, including fantasies and roles. It makes her feel desired, affirmed, and alive.” – David Shade, “The Secrets of Female Sexuality,” p. 51.

13. On Seduction and Sex

Sex... oh yeah

Sex… oh yeah

“If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing slowly … very slowly.” – Unknown, From Erospainter.tumblr.com

The best sex takes place in the mind first” – Jenna Jameson, How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale

“Have you ever heard of the expression, ladies first” “Yes” “Well, it’s truer in bed than it is anywhere else.” – Sherrilyn Kenyon, Born of Fire

Credit: getleanstaykeen.tumblr.com

Credit: getleanstaykeen.tumblr.com

“However, they’ve never really had the effect on her of knowing what a nice slow tease can do. She started paying much more attention to the scenes before the actions, as she got older, because the flirting did so much more for her than the actual activity. She fantasized about his shirt coming off, or the brushing of the hair of another girl. Maybe her hand running along the side another woman. Or as she felt up her lover laying next to her as he feels her up through her slip. It was something she needed for herself to experience. Sex was all good, but in the end, it’s the tease. Sex the dessert to end a great meal. Without the appetizer of the flirting and that main course of seduction, she starved for much more than she actually got.” – From Erospainter.tumblr.com, uncited source

“From her “do as you are told” Journal: As we walking through the parking lot of the restaurant you whisper in my ear, “Little One I want your panties right now.” I feel my pulse beginning to increase at the thought. I look around as I begin to slide my underwear down my legs. I wonder if anyone is watching me. The thought brings on a rush of wetness between my legs. As I straighten my dress, you take my arm pulling me close. You tell me, “Good girl, now make sure you keep those legs open for me during dinner,” I know it is going to be a very interest meal.” – From Erospainter.tumblr.com

14. On Women

Women... yum.

Women… yum.

You have wished to give her good manners, as if a young girl’s happiness were not inseparable from debauchery and immorality” – Marquis de Sade (1740-1814), French author. Dolmancé, in “Dialogue the Seventh,” Philosophy in the Bedroom (1795). Real name: Comte Donatien-Alphonse-François.

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.”  – Anais Nin, unknown source, From Erospainter.tumblr.com

“Man can never know the loneliness a woman knows. Man lies in the woman’s womb only to gather strength, he nourishes himself from this fusion, and then he rises and goes into the world, into his work, into battle, into art. He is not lonely. He is busy. The memory of the swim in amniotic fluid gives him energy, completion. Woman may be busy too, but she feels empty. Sensuality for her is not only a wave of pleasure in which she is bathed, and a charge of electric joy at contact with another. When man lies in her womb, she is fulfilled, each act of love a taking of man within her, an act of birth and rebirth, of child rearing and man bearing. Man lies in her womb and is reborn each time anew with a desire to act, to be. But for woman, the climax is not in the birth, but in the moment man rests inside of her.” 
― Anais Nin, “The Diary of Anais Nin, Vol. 1: 1931-1934, From Erospainter.tumblr.com 

“Women love passion, and they love being around dominant men who are passionate. My Master is a passionate dominant. He makes loving me fun. As my Dominant he is adventurous and highly sensual. That’s why I and so many other women are attracted to him. The D/ is passionate about what they are… and about what they possess; it is a passion so strong; reaching beyond the realms of the meta-physical; they are sexually stimulating both mentally and physically past the point of physical arousal; processing the power of mental sexual arousal. The Master’s power exists in that of the heart and mind. With his power, he controls the art of deep rapport, the power of attraction and is an expert at seduction; removing inhibition and sexual resistance effortlessly without objection. The Master is her greatest lover; sexually stimulating her mentally and physically during sex. The Master discovers positions to make her cum fast. He takes advantage of sensual pillow talk, he maneuvers his hands, tells her how to go down on him; each proven to makes her cum over and over again during sex. When the dominant’s strategy is executed properly she will orgasm at any time. He makes domination not about achieving his end pleasure results; domination is, and has to be defined; it is about the strategy, execution and delivery of her; accomplishing the task of the art of sensual seduction and completing the benevolent female pleasure of orgasm. When he is not present with her the Dominate will escalate her mentally; instantly arousing her in a matter of seconds with proper erotic talk to get her soaking wet with his voice and her fingers. Using his power and only his voice he speaks to her arousing her with his kisses, he whispers of her neck line, tells of her breast and the nipple, he commands to her what clothing to remove; her shirt, bra or her panties and she does not resist. Women who are submissive are naturally and gravitate to the one who is the leader or one who can dominate her reality; therefore by having a strong dominate imagery eases her into your reality. Being dominated is also a huge turn on to women. Dominant’s who are strong in their convictions about sexuality encourage the release of sexual energy deepfrom within; preventing her from being inside her head. His conviction allows her to be focused on the positive feelings and emotions he has created; a passion invoking emotion. The Master or dominant maintains a character that is the same for all people who are passionate in that they desire and live in their moments and desire others to follow their hearts. Each of us live to have exciting lives with fun and plenty of adventure. The attractive traits of my Master align with my identity and who I am. I am a mirror to him. He explores my traits that are of value to him creating the control to be a part of my reality. Thus our passions are synchronized creating the human elements of nitrogen and oxygen to formulate the chemistry of love and passions of our heart.” – From Erospainter.tumblr.com

“When a woman submits to a man, it’s the most precious gift she can give. Herself. Unreservedly. The man has to respect and honor that gift above all else. Even if he respects nothing else in the world, he must respect the woman in his care. It’s his sworn duty to protect, honor and cherish his submissive. To take care of her and provide a safe haven. Someone who would put his own needs above his woman’s is no man.”
― Maya Banks, “Sweet Addiction” From Erospainter.tumblr.com 

“I am a submissive woman. I am proud to call myself that. My submission is a gift that I do not give lightly, and can only be given to one who can appreciate that gift and return it tenfold. Only to he who has that strength will I give myself fully, because I am strong and proud. I am a submissive woman.” – From Erospainter.tumblr.com

“I just want to say one thing. If I ever write a novel again, it’s going to be in defense of weak women, inept and codependent women. I’m going to talk about all the great movies and songs and poetry that focus on such women. I’m going to toast Blanche DuBois. I’m going to celebrate women who aren’t afraid to show their need and their vulnerabilities. To be honest about how hard it can be to plow your way through a life that offers no guarantees about anything. I’m going to get on my metaphorical knees and thank women who fall apart, who cry and carry on and wail and wring their hands because you know what, Midge? We all need to cry. Thank God for women who can articulate their vulnerabilities and express what probably a lot of other people want to say and feel they can’t. Those peoples’ stronghold against falling apart themselves is the disdain they feel for women who do it for them. Strong. I’m starting to think that’s as much a party line as anything else ever handed to women for their assigned roles. When do we get respect for our differences from men? Our strength is our weakness. Our ability to feel is our humanity. You know what? I’ll bet if you talk to a hundred strong women, 99 of them would say ‘I’m sick of being strong. I would like to be cared for. I would like someone else to make the goddamn decisions, I’m sick of making decisions.’ I know this one woman who’s a beacon of strength. A single mother who can do everything – even more than you, Midge. I ran into her not long ago and we went and got a coffee and you know what she told me? She told me that when she goes out to dinner with her guy, she asks him to order everything for her. Every single thing, drink to dessert. Because she just wants to unhitch. All of us dependent, weak women have the courage to do all the time what she can only do in a restaurant.”
― Elizabeth Berg, “Home Safe,” From Erospainter.tumblr.com 

“It’s very difficult being a woman. It’s very difficult being a man too, I realize, but this is a book about women. Sam Keen wrote a book about men, which he called Fire in the Belly. My friend Tara called me up one day and told me she wanted to write a companion volume, Volcano in the Uterus. I laughed when she said that, but inside I was thinking and Catastrophes in the Breasts and Terror in the Ovaries … More women cry, loudly or silently, every fraction of every moment, in every town of every country, than anyone—man or woman—realizes. We cry for our children, our lovers, our parents, and ourselves. We cry in shame because we feel no right to cry, and we cry in peace because we feel it’s time we did cry. We cry for the world. Yet we think we cry alone. We feel that no one hears, that there is no listening that matters. And we must all listen now. We must hold the crying woman’s hand and minister to her tenderly, or she will turn—this collective feminine shadow self—into a monster who will go unheard no longer. This book is an effort to hear and understand her in today’s world, as she exists at this moment, imprisoned while still dressed in all her ancient, soiled regalia. She is like a child yet she is not a child. She is our mother, our daughter, our sister, our lover. She needs us now, and we need her. Womanhood today is tentative and unsure, a thing defined more by what it isn’t than by what it is. For some women, this is not a problem. They have risen above the complexities of society’s projections and misunderstandings and now fly high above the clouds. For most women, however, the resistances they encountered as they reached for the sky were so great that their wings have now drooped, and they try no longer.” – From Erospainter.tumblr.com, uncited source 

“Usually, when we think of power, we think of external power. And we think of powerful people as those who have made it in the world. A powerful woman isn’t necessarily someone who has money, but we think of her as someone with a boldness or a spark that makes her manifest in a dramatic way. When we think of a powerful man, we think of his ability to manifest abundance, usually money, in the world.Most people say that a powerful woman does best with a powerful man, that she needs someone who understands the bigness of her situation, a man who can meet her at the same or even greater level of power in the world. Now this is true, if power is defined as material abundance. A woman often faces cultural prejudice when she makes more money than a man, as does he. A woman who defines power by worldly standards can rarely feel totally relaxed in the arms of a man who doesn’t have it. If power is seen as an internal matter, then the situation changes drastically. Internal power has less to do with money and worldly position, and more to do than with emotional expansiveness, spirituality and conscious living… I used to think I needed a powerful man, someone who could protect me from the harshness and evils of the world. What I have come to realize is that…the powerful man I was looking for would be foremost, someone who supported me in keeping myself on track spiritually, and in so maintaining clarity within myself, that life would present fewer problems. When it did get rough, he would help me forgive. 
I no longer wanted somebody who would say to me, “Don’t worry honey, if they’re mean to you I’ll beat them up or buy them out.” Instead, I want someone who prays and meditates with me regularly so that fewer monsters from the outer world disturb me, and who when they do, helps me look within my own consciousness for answers, instead of looking to false power to combat false power.There’s a big difference between a gentle man and a weak man. Weak men make us nervous. Gentle men make us calm.” 
― Marianne Williamson, From Erospainter.tumblr.com

15. Relationship Maintenance

Relationship maintenance: keeping the spark alive

Relationship maintenance: keeping the spark alive

“Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness, 

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. 

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. 

Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. 

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. 

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, 

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. 

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. 

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together yet not too near together:

For the pillar of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadows.” – Kahlil Gibran, “On Marriage” from “The Prophet”

“Two people in love don’t make a hive mind. Neither should they want to be a hive mind, to think the same, to know the same. It’s about being separate and still loving each other, being distinct from each other. One is the violin string, one is the bow.” –Graham Joyce, “The Silent Land”

“Intimacy is based on shared vulnerability…nothing deepens intimacy like the experiences that we share when we feel flayed, with our skins off, scared and vulnerable, and our partner is there with us, willing to share in the scary stuff.” From Erospainter.tumblr.com, uncited source

“Two people in love don’t make a hive mind. Neither should they want to be a hive mind, to think the same, to know the same. It’s about being separate and still loving each other, being distinct from each other. One is the violin string, one is the bow.” –Graham Joyce, The Silent Land, From Erospainter.tumblr.com

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”  ― Elizabeth Gilbert, “Eat, Pray, Love” From Erospainter.tumblr.com  

III. MARTIAL ARTS

Yin-yang. A symbol associated with martial arts meaning balance.

Yin-yang. A symbol meaning balance. It’s been linked with the martial arts.

16. Martial Arts Quotes Relevant to Venusian Arts

“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s mind there are few” – Suzuki

“To practice Zen or the martial arts (& the Venusian Arts), you must live intensely, wholeheartedly, without reserve – as if you might die in the next instant” – Taisen Deshimaru

“Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself” – Chinese Proverb

“When the student is ready, the Master appears.” – Buddhist Proverb

“Ultimately, you must forget about technique. The further you progress, the fewer teachings there are. The Great Path is really NO PATH.” – Ueshiba Morihei

“When you aim for perfection, you discover it’s a moving target.” – Unknown

“SHUCHU RYOKU – Focus all your energy to one point.” – Shioda Gozo

“Now the reason the enlightened prince and the wise general (seduces his target) whenever they move and their achievements surpass those of ordinary men is foreknowledge.” – Sun Tzu

“If ignorant both of your ( target) and yourself, you are certain to be in peril.” – Sun Tzu

“Hence (to conquer women) in all your (approaches) is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in (attracting your target) without (trying, without thinking of her as an opponent).” – Sun Tzu

 

 
 
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