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Tips From Dale Carnegie

Dale Carnegie, author of the classic: "How To Win Friends and Influence People."
Dale Carnegie, author of the classic: “How To Win Friends and Influence People.”

Ever read “How To Win Friends and Influence People”?

Great book, right?

I picked it up because… let’s face it…  game-theory can get weird.

Like, you ever been out approaching chicks but you see a woman as a “target” rather than as a human being?

I know it’s happened to me.

So I picked up Dale Carnegie’s book to help me get back to the humanity of it all. And it was like a tonic. Besides, that’s the real skill you need when you’re out in the field, anyway. Getting along with people.

Here’s his main idea:

Treat people with kindness and respect. At bottom everyone wants to feel important. So, get where a person is coming from. And make her or him feel important.

I know this may sound basic. “Yeah, yeah I know,” you might say. “Whatever.” Well, do you actually do it? I know I’m still learning how to do it.

What I love about the book is how Dale takes this simple idea… which is THE idea behind Christianity, all great religions, and all great philosophies… and applies it to a ton of specific examples.

For example:

PART ONE: Fundamental Techniques

lift_others-up
Lift others up. That’s all we want. To feel important and understood.

1. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.

3. Don’t tell others what to do. Instead, arouse in the other person an eager want. If you have a person WANT to do something, they’ll do it on their own volition. Forcing or commanding never works.

PART TWO: Six Ways To Make People Like You

Mystery smiling
Smiling is like saying there’s a light on inside the house. It also makes a great first impression.

4. Get interested in other people (not just in what you want).

5. Smile. Action speaks louder than words. A smile says: “I like you. You make me happy. I’m glad to see you.” It’s a simple way to make a great first impression.

6. Use a person’s name often. It’s the sweetest sound to them.

7. Listen. Don’t do all the talking. Encourage people to talk about themselves. Honestly get curious about who they are.

8. Don’t just talk about your own interests. Talk about the other person’s interests. If you do, you’ll hook their interest. And they won’t want to stop talking with you.

9. Make the other person feel important. All people want to feel important. But don’t bullshit about it. Do this sincerely.

PART THREE: How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking

Listening
Don’t do all the talking. Listen.

10. Avoid arguments. That’s the best way to get the best of arguments. Don’t embarrass a person in front of other people by proving him wrong. Let them save face. Choose your battles. Let the small potatoes go. No need to be argumentative or superior or “right.”

11. Show respect for a person’s opinions. Never say “You’re wrong!”

12. If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

13. Begin in a friendly way. If you come at a person with your fists closed, you can be sure the other person’s will close just as fast. So what do you do when you’ve  been pissed off? Still start friendly: “Let’s sit down and understand why we differ.” It’ll calm your adversary, and you can resolve the issue. As Lincoln once said: “To win a man to your cause, first convince him you’re his sincere friend.”

14. Get the person saying “yes, yes” immediately. Don’t begin by discussing differences. Emphasize where you agree. Don’t have the other person say “no.” “No” is the most difficult obstacle to overcome, because she’ll feel like she’s gotta stick to it. Get her in the habit of “yeses.” And you lead her to your point of view more easily.

15. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. You don’t win others to your way of thinking by doing all the talking. Ask them questions. Let them let you tell a few things. To be understood, understand first.

16. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. If the idea comes from within them, they’ll have more faith in it.

17. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. If a person is wrong, don’t condemn him. Try to understand them. Put yourself in his place.

18. Be sympathetic to another person’s ideas and desires. Wanna know how to stop arguments, eliminate ill-feeling, create good feeling, and have the person listen to you? Then tell them: “If I were you I would feel just as you do.” Again, put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Really get where they’re coming from. Then they’ll try to get where you’re coming from.

19. Appeal to the nobler motives. Give a person the benefit of the doubt. Treat a person as second-class, chances are he’ll fulfill that prophesy. See the best in people, chances are they’ll fulfill that prophesy, too.

20. Dramatize your ideas. Just stating a truth isn’t enough. You have to dramatize it. Make it vivid. Make it emotional. The way movies and TV do. Engage not just the mind, but the EMOTIONS too.

21. Throw down a challenge. When nothing else works to win people to your point of view, throw in some competition. A competition always inspires people to want to excel.

PART FOUR. Be a Leader: How To Change People Without Giving Offense Or Arousing Resentment

StrongPeopleDontPutOthersDownTheyLiftThemUp_zpsd10952ae
Leaders don’t tear others down to feel superior. Instead, they lift others up.

22. Begin with praise and honest appreciation. If you must find a fault or criticize someone, begin with praise. After you’ve given the criticism, end with praise. The formula is: “Praise-correct-praise.” The Praise gets them to listen. The correction that comes after the “but” negates the praise. So, end on a positive note. End with praise. That way you lift a person up, rather than tear her down.

23. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. Correcting someone is always dicey. Rather than out-right saying “No smoking! Can’t you read the sign?” A better way to go is: “I’d appreciate it if you guys would smoke outside. Thank-you.” Direct criticism points the finger at them. Feels patronizing. Indirect criticism points the finger at me and what I want. It’s more honest and respectful.

24. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing someone else. When you talk about someone’s mistake, don’t come at it like you’re Mr. Perfect who’s never made a mistake before. Say something like: “You’ve made a mistake, but God knows I’ve made my share of them. We learn by experience…” This way you’re not tearing a person down. It’s easier to hear criticism when the person who’s criticizing admits his faults first.

25. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. No one likes to take orders. Instead of saying “Do this.” “Don’t do that,” a more effective way is: “What do you think of this?” “Do you think this would work?” Again, when the answer comes from the person… rather than from an outside force… it’s theirs. They’re more apt to do it.

26. Let the other person save face. Let’s say you have to let someone go. Few people consider the other person’s feelings. They emphasize their fault. Threaten. Criticize. Embarrass. Alleviate the sting by putting yourself in his shoes, and appreciating his good: “You’ve done such a great job, you’ve got the right stuff…” When the person feels respected, he won’t feel as “let down.” Don’t destroy a person’s ego. Let them save face, even if you have to let them go.

27. Praise every improvement, however slight. When you praise people it inspires them to keep doing that good thing. Abilities wither under criticism. And they blossom under praise. It’s a magic power we all possess… to praise and inspire people’s latent possibilities. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.” But of course, not empty flattery. It must be sincere, it must be honest.

28. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. If you have a worker that hands in shoddy work, don’t bawl him out or threaten him. A more effective way to go  is have a heart-to-heart with him: “You’re such a good mechanic. You’ve done such good work for customers. As of late your work hasn’t been up to your usual standards. Maybe together we can find a way to correct this problem.” Give them a good reputation to live up to.

29. Use encouragement. Make the fault easy to correct. If a kid isn’t doing too well in school, labeling him “brain-damaged” or a “slow-learner” will just give him the belief he won’t do well in school. It just reinforces the behavior. A better way to go is find his gift, play to his strengths, believe in him. When his belief in himself changes for the better… so will his performance in school.

30. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. Let’s say you have to refuse many invitations to do something. Rather than say you’re too busy, a better way to go is to appreciate the invitation  and suggest an alternative. Or if you need someone to do something for you, point out the benefits in it for THEM, not you. People will be more likely to do what you want, if they’re happy about doing it.

Do you see how it’s the same theme repeating over and over again? Treat people with kindness and respect. People want to feel important. Rather than tear them down, make them feel important. ‘Cause everyone is.

This one insight about our human need to feel important was like a huge light going off on inside me. When someone is trying to tear you down, chances are he just wants to feel important. When a person’s bragging and trying to look cool, chances are he just wants to feel important. When a girl’s dressed to the nines and rejects guys, chances are she just wants to feel important. Well, let them feel important for God’s sakes. Maybe now we can all relax.

As for us, now we know better NOT to tear down others. We don’t have to do that to feel important. What does that accomplish? Just leaves ME standing, while everyone else is down. And THAT creates war, ill-feeling, ego. Better to lift others up. That creates peace, good-feeling, growth, connection.

It also makes game so much easier. You can get along with anyone. Because you see they’re exactly like me. All everyone wants is to feel important… just like me.

So, game. Play hard to get. Tease. Be a wise-ass. Please do.  But underneath it all, ALWAYS treat EVERYONE with kindness and respect. You’ll go a lot further if you do.

The look of attraction. It comes from treating her and all others with respect.
The look of attraction. When you treat  her and ALL others with respect, that’s what happens. Making people feel important… it’s just the right thing to do.
 

Tips from Dale Carnegie

Dale Carnegie, author of the classic: "How To Win Friends and Influence People."

Dale Carnegie, author of the classic: “How To Win Friends and Influence People.”

Ever read “How To Win Friends and Influence People”?

Great book, right?

I picked it up because… let’s face it…  game-theory can get weird.

Like, you ever been out approaching chicks but you see a woman as a “target” rather than as a human being?

I know it’s happened to me.

So I picked up Dale Carnegie’s book to help me get back to the humanity of it all. And it was like a tonic. Besides, that’s the real skill you need when you’re out in the field, anyway. Getting along with people.

Here’s his main idea:

Treat people with kindness and respect. At bottom everyone wants to feel important. So, get where a person is coming from. And make her or him feel important.

I know this may sound basic. “Yeah, yeah I know,” you might say. “Whatever.” Well, do you actually do it? I know I’m still learning how to do it.

What I love about the book is how Dale takes this simple idea… which is THE idea behind Christianity, all great religions, and all great philosophies… and applies it to a ton of specific examples.

For example:

PART ONE: Fundamental Techniques

lift_others-up

Lift others up. That’s all we want. To feel important and understood.

1. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.

3. Don’t tell others what to do. Instead, arouse in the other person an eager want. If you have a person WANT to do something, they’ll do it on their own volition. Forcing or commanding never works.

PART TWO: Six Ways To Make People Like You

Mystery smiling

Smiling is like saying there’s a light on inside the house. It also makes a great first impression.

4. Get interested in other people (not just in what you want).

5. Smile. Action speaks louder than words. A smile says: “I like you. You make me happy. I’m glad to see you.” It’s a simple way to make a great first impression.

6. Use a person’s name often. It’s the sweetest sound to them.

7. Listen. Don’t do all the talking. Encourage people to talk about themselves. Honestly get curious about who they are.

8. Don’t just talk about your own interests. Talk about the other person’s interests. If you do, you’ll hook their interest. And they won’t want to stop talking with you.

9. Make the other person feel important. All people want to feel important. But don’t bullshit about it. Do this sincerely.

PART THREE: How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking

Listening

Don’t do all the talking. Listen.

10. Avoid arguments. That’s the best way to get the best of arguments. Don’t embarrass a person in front of other people by proving him wrong. Let them save face. Choose your battles. Let the small potatoes go. No need to be argumentative or superior or “right.”

11. Show respect for a person’s opinions. Never say “You’re wrong!”

12. If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

13. Begin in a friendly way. If you come at a person with your fists closed, you can be sure the other person’s will close just as fast. So what do you do when you’ve  been pissed off? Still start friendly: “Let’s sit down and understand why we differ.” It’ll calm your adversary, and you can resolve the issue. As Lincoln once said: “To win a man to your cause, first convince him you’re his sincere friend.”

14. Get the person saying “yes, yes” immediately. Don’t begin by discussing differences. Emphasize where you agree. Don’t have the other person say “no.” “No” is the most difficult obstacle to overcome, because she’ll feel like she’s gotta stick to it. Get her in the habit of “yeses.” And you lead her to your point of view more easily.

15. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. You don’t win others to your way of thinking by doing all the talking. Ask them questions. Let them let you tell a few things. To be understood, understand first.

16. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. If the idea comes from within them, they’ll have more faith in it.

17. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. If a person is wrong, don’t condemn him. Try to understand them. Put yourself in his place.

18. Be sympathetic to another person’s ideas and desires. Wanna know how to stop arguments, eliminate ill-feeling, create good feeling, and have the person listen to you? Then tell them: “If I were you I would feel just as you do.” Again, put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Really get where they’re coming from. Then they’ll try to get where you’re coming from.

19. Appeal to the nobler motives. Give a person the benefit of the doubt. Treat a person as second-class, chances are he’ll fulfill that prophesy. See the best in people, chances are they’ll fulfill that prophesy, too.

20. Dramatize your ideas. Just stating a truth isn’t enough. You have to dramatize it. Make it vivid. Make it emotional. The way movies and TV do. Engage not just the mind, but the EMOTIONS too.

21. Throw down a challenge. When nothing else works to win people to your point of view, throw in some competition. A competition always inspires people to want to excel.

PART FOUR. Be a Leader: How To Change People Without Giving Offense Or Arousing Resentment

StrongPeopleDontPutOthersDownTheyLiftThemUp_zpsd10952ae

Leaders don’t tear others down to feel superior. Instead, they lift others up.

22. Begin with praise and honest appreciation. If you must find a fault or criticize someone, begin with praise. After you’ve given the criticism, end with praise. The formula is: “Praise-correct-praise.” The Praise gets them to listen. The correction that comes after the “but” negates the praise. So, end on a positive note. End with praise. That way you lift a person up, rather than tear her down.

23. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. Correcting someone is always dicey. Rather than out-right saying “No smoking! Can’t you read the sign?” A better way to go is: “I’d appreciate it if you guys would smoke outside. Thank-you.” Direct criticism points the finger at them. Feels patronizing. Indirect criticism points the finger at me and what I want. It’s more honest and respectful.

24. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing someone else. When you talk about someone’s mistake, don’t come at it like you’re Mr. Perfect who’s never made a mistake before. Say something like: “You’ve made a mistake, but God knows I’ve made my share of them. We learn by experience…” This way you’re not tearing a person down. It’s easier to hear criticism when the person who’s criticizing admits his faults first.

25. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. No one likes to take orders. Instead of saying “Do this.” “Don’t do that,” a more effective way is: “What do you think of this?” “Do you think this would work?” Again, when the answer comes from the person… rather than from an outside force… it’s theirs. They’re more apt to do it.

26. Let the other person save face. Let’s say you have to let someone go. Few people consider the other person’s feelings. They emphasize their fault. Threaten. Criticize. Embarrass. Alleviate the sting by putting yourself in his shoes, and appreciating his good: “You’ve done such a great job, you’ve got the right stuff…” When the person feels respected, he won’t feel as “let down.” Don’t destroy a person’s ego. Let them save face, even if you have to let them go.

27. Praise every improvement, however slight. When you praise people it inspires them to keep doing that good thing. Abilities wither under criticism. And they blossom under praise. It’s a magic power we all possess… to praise and inspire people’s latent possibilities. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.” But of course, not empty flattery. It must be sincere, it must be honest.

28. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. If you have a worker that hands in shoddy work, don’t bawl him out or threaten him. A more effective way to go  is have a heart-to-heart with him: “You’re such a good mechanic. You’ve done such good work for customers. As of late your work hasn’t been up to your usual standards. Maybe together we can find a way to correct this problem.” Give them a good reputation to live up to.

29. Use encouragement. Make the fault easy to correct. If a kid isn’t doing too well in school, labeling him “brain-damaged” or a “slow-learner” will just give him the belief he won’t do well in school. It just reinforces the behavior. A better way to go is find his gift, play to his strengths, believe in him. When his belief in himself changes for the better… so will his performance in school.

30. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. Let’s say you have to refuse many invitations to do something. Rather than say you’re too busy, a better way to go is to appreciate the invitation  and suggest an alternative. Or if you need someone to do something for you, point out the benefits in it for THEM, not you. People will be more likely to do what you want, if they’re happy about doing it.

Do you see how it’s the same theme repeating over and over again? Treat people with kindness and respect. People want to feel important. Rather than tear them down, make them feel important. ‘Cause everyone is.

This one insight about our human need to feel important was like a huge light going off on inside me. When someone is trying to tear you down, chances are he just wants to feel important. When a person’s bragging and trying to look cool, chances are he just wants to feel important. When a girl’s dressed to the nines and rejects guys, chances are she just wants to feel important. Well, let them feel important for God’s sakes. Maybe now we can all relax.

As for us, now we know better NOT to tear down others. We don’t have to do that to feel important. What does that accomplish? Just leaves ME standing, while everyone else is down. And THAT creates war, ill-feeling, ego. Better to lift others up. That creates peace, good-feeling, growth, connection.

It also makes game so much easier. You can get along with anyone. Because you see they’re exactly like me. All everyone wants is to feel important… just like me.

So, game. Play hard to get. Tease. Be a wise-ass. Please do.  But underneath it all, ALWAYS treat EVERYONE with kindness and respect. You’ll go a lot further if you do.

The look of attraction. It comes from treating her and all others with respect.

The look of attraction. When you treat  her and ALL others with respect, that’s what happens. Making people feel important… it’s just the right thing to do.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on July 14, 2013 in Home, Principles of Attraction

 

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Pickup Product Review

Gratuitous nudity

There’s a lot of stuff out there on how to be more successful with women. Where do you begin? I’ve gone through a lot of it, and not all of it is created equal. Here’s my personal list of what I think is the best, what’s okay, and what I liked the least. There’s nothing objective about this. It’s pure opinion.

::: Table of Contents :::

Part I. The Absolute Best

  • Introduction
  • Division 1: The Best From The Pickup Community
  • Division 2: The Best From The Mainstream
    • 1. Inner-game
    • 2. Masculinity
    • 3. Success with Women
    • 4. Female Perspective
    • 5. Sex
    • 6. Fashion, How to Be Funny, Health, Wealth

Part II. Okay

  • Introduction
  • Division 1: Solid
  • Division 2: Decent
  • Division 3: Good Rep, But What’s The Big Deal?
  • Division 4: Ross Jeffries Regurgitation (NLP Stuff)

Part III. My Least Favorite

Part IV. Haven’t Tried, But No Interest

Conclusion: Where to Start

PART I: THE ABSOLUTE BEST

::: Introduction :::

I choose these as the best because they have at least two of the three following things:

a) They Produce Results: They’re PRACTICAL. They actually helped me to change.

b) They’re Original: They practice what they preach. They’re leaders. And, they helped me to see the big picture.

c) They’re Affordable: It doesn’t break your wallet to get one of their products.

::: Division 1: The Best From The Pickup Community :::

1. DAVID DEIDA.

He’s not part of the pickup community. But his ideas were the ones that helped me to succeed with women the most.

  • The Way of The Superior Man Book
  • The Way of The Superior Man CD
  • Enlightened Sex Book
  • Enlightened Sex CD

2. MYSTERY.

Most pickup gurus started out as students of Mystery. He’s practical, and he gives you the big picture. Only problem with his books are they’re written by Lovedrop, not Mystery. They’re Mystery’s ideas of course, and they are still revolutionary.

  • The Mystery Method – Gives you the big picture. Drawback: heavy on theory. Strength: One of the best pickup books out there because it has all the fundamentals.
  • Revelation – Covers pickup only until C1.
  • The Pickup Artist – Based on Mystery’s writings from Mystery’s Lounge. Reminded me of a Platonic dialogue. Good because you get to see a lot of “pickup in action.” Also, you get a series of videos on kino escalation when you purchase the book.
  • VH1’s The Pickup Artist videos – You get to actually SEE pickup in action (not just theory). Some of the best lessons I’ve learned were from watching this show.

3. NEIL STRAUSS.

If Mystery is Socrates, Neil is Plato. Mystery is the great teacher who never bothered to write anything down. Neil is the great student who wrote everything down, made Mystery famous, and spread his message. And his writing is a pleasure to read.

  • The Game – Inspirational.
  • The Rules of The Game – Forces you into the field. But covers only the attract phase, so it doesn’t give you the whole picture. Almost like marketing to join his StyleLife Academy to learn more.

4. DAVID DEANGELO.

Focuses on the “attract” phase and inner-game stuff. Great on fundamentals. Although cocky-funny is a practical technique, he’s heavy on theory and teaches through lecture.

  • Double Your Dating – The book that started it out. The ideas from the rest of his products are contained in this book for $20. Can you say FANTASTIC value? Great fundamentals. Gives a whole picture, from the approach all the way to sex. The voice and style of writing rubs off on you, and fills you with confidence, too.
  • Interviews with Dating Gurus – CDs sent to you each month, with every great dating guru. Only series out there like it. INVALUABLE. These interviews are intellectually stimulating and nourishing. You get to hear so many outlooks, and see patterns underlying them all.
  • Sexual Communication – Categorized as fundamentals. One of his best. How to create attraction with women by bypassing her “polite persona” to speak with her primal brain. I got my biggest aha here. You create sexual tension by play fighting WITHIN THE CONTEXT OF ROMANCE/DATING/SEX. That aha wasn’t on the CD, it’s was a passing phrase buried in the text.
  • Mastery with Women and Dating – Deep, philosophical, profound. Awesome, awesome inner-game stuff. One of my personal favorites.
  • Bars and Clubs – Useful techniques into being more effective in bars and clubs. Recommended.
  • Body Language – Good fundamentals. Wasn’t his best. Best part: Mystery’s presentation on Body Language. Mystery demonstrates how to lean back and how to body rock. Sweet.
  • 77 Laws – Has more to do with general inner-game than success with women, although there’s some stuff on dating toward the end of the DVD. But he didn’t even cover all his best “rules of thumbs” here, so I was a bit disappointed. Still, invaluable inner-game stuff that applies not only to women and dating, but to being a success in life in general.
  • Attraction Isn’t A Choice – His second ebook. Far inferior to his first. Duller writing style. And way too heavy on evolutionary psychology. There’s some value to it, of course. I thought his mailbag at the end was one of the best parts.
  • Advanced Dating Techniques – Categorized under fundamentals. Awesome insights. Mix of inner game and techniques. Heavy on theory, light on practice. Doc, Lance Mason (AWESOME presentation on body language here), and Neil Strauss are guest speakers which give even more value to this program.
  • Power Sexuality – Heavy on theory. Two important insights though: an insight into the nature of female sexuality that changed how I looked at female sexuality. And an insight into getting in touch with the animal within you, and to accept sex not as bad but a good thing. Those insights (and a few more) were VERY worth it.
  • On Being A Man Who Naturally Attracts Women – Categorized as inner-game. I personally thought this was one of his weaker products. “Mastery” is superior for inner-game. Interesting stuff about male initiation rites and how we don’t have them in the industrialized world, but I didn’t think he got to the heart of the matter.
  • Approaching Women and Starting Conversations – Some good ideas about how to approach. Didn’t help me as much as Style’s Jealous Girlfriend routine. That routine, with the important insights of having a false time constraint and a root, remains the best training wheels for starting conversations, in my opinion. You can find that routine and those fundamentals in “Rules of The Game” for like $20
  • Cocky Comedy – This was my absolute LEAST favorite product. The best part was Sean Stephenson’s presentation. What I disliked about it was DeAngelo’s discrepancy between teaching how to be funny yet being overly serious. Still some HUGELY important insights, like the types of characters to role play with women. And Sean’s presentation is so damn good, it saves entire the product.

5. LANCE MASON.

His products were the ones out of all the rest that changed my game for the better. HANDS DOWN. He brought all the theory I had absorbed into HARD practice. Only drawback: his courses are VERY expensive. $797 – $897 a pop. He offers payment plans, though. But still.

  • Charismatic Conversations – Course on Attraction. If you wanna learn how to create attraction, this is THE course.
  • Real World Rapport & Day Game – Course on Comfort. There’s some okay stuff on Day game, some good stuff on how to vibe and converse, and some great stuff on how to create deep rapport with women. I learned MUCH from it. Solid product, but of three, I felt was the weakest. Still solid. Not sure if it’s worth the hefty price tag, though.
  • Zero Drama Dating & 60 Minute Seductions – Course on Seduction. How to close the deal (you get to see examples in action), how to date multiple women ethically, and some very original and illuminating insights on female psychology. Worth the price tag.

6. BRAD P.

One of the few that wasn’t a student of Mystery. An original. Practices what he preaches. His ideas of social freedom is a revelation.

  • 30/30 Club – 12 month course. The title stands for the fact you’ll be doing 30 approaches a day every 30 days. You get all his CDs and ebooks at a fairly affordable rate. $29/month for silver, $67/month for gold. What’s awesome: starts at fundamentals, and slowly builds on them to advanced skills. Takes you step by step, refusal of theory overload. In fact, marries practice with theory.
  • Fashion Bible – attract women through fashion. This is THE book that helped me get my fashion under control. Hands down. His “sexy stereotyping” theory VERY helpful.
  • Adventures of Brad P – Brad P’s Field Reports. Not told in a cohesive narrative like The Game. Similar to The Game in how inspirational it is. Gets more X-rated than The Game, which is cool. Invaluable because you get to see pickup in action, not just stuck in theory.
  • Instant Attraction – All about Brad P’s famous openers like The Horse Girl. He gives you plenty of scripts, breaks them down, and helps you create your own.
  • Planning the Perfect Date – How to plan Day 2’s. Great strategies. Also, he gives a few sparse tips on conversation too.

7. ROSS JEFFRIES.

If Mystery is the father, Ross is the grandfather. Important insights into capturing and leading a woman’s emotions through language.

  • Speed Seduction – Ross came out with a 3.0 version a couple years back, just after I had gotten the 2.0 version. So, what I say here applies to the older version. His “NLP technology” isn’t necessary, in my opinion, to be successful with women, but I do think it’s CRITICAL to understand the principles behind it. For example, capture and lead a woman’s imagination and emotions, 4 doorways to a woman’s mind, not to submit to her but be assertive. SUPER important, but NLP doesn’t seem like a necessity. Great bonuses, like an interview with Rick H on getting threesomes, online dating, a surprise interview with David DeAngelo (as Eben Pagan–yes David DeAngelo started out as a student of Ross). I absolutely love the workbook that’s included. One of the best parts is an mp3 player you get called The “Unstoppable Confidence” course. Fantastic for inner-game… might be one of the best parts of the program. Also, you get a transcript of the seminar, which is the meat of the program. Drawback is the seminar section. While there’s great nuggets in there, Ross talks in circles, and I was never clear how to create patterns after listening to it. He talks about patterns and how great he is at creating patterns, but I was at a loss how to create a pattern myself at the end. An ebook called “Master Seducer’s Handbook” by John Cliff does a better job at taking you step by step how to create patterns, if you want. Who knows, maybe his version 3.0 improves on being clearer in the how-to of creating patterns?

8. DAVID SHADE.

His ideas of “be the man,” take the lead, be Dominant in the bedroom. They apply to the pickup, too. Also, if you end up successfully picking up a woman, you’ve gotta have a sense of what to do with her once you’ve got her in bed. One of his important insights is your most important tool in the bedroom isn’t your tool, it’s your voice.

  • Secrets of Female Sexuality – Book about how women actually WANT sex and WANT to get fucked.
  • Give Women Wild Screaming Orgasms – Fundamentals like anatomy, dirty talk, techniques to give her orgasms by stimulating her clit, deep spot, how to have anal, he gives you some inner-game stuff (such as sleeping with women doesn’t validate you as a person), and the program contains classic penetration techniques like 9 shallow strokes, 1 deep; 8 shallow, 2 deep; 7 shallow, 3 deep; 6 shallow, 4 deep; and so on until you get to 10 deep and start at beginning again.
  • Give Women Hot Phone Sex – Focuses on dirty talk. What’s invaluable is you get to actually hear David Shade give women orgasms on the phone. Learned a lot from this. Only drawback: he prints texts of his theory, but nothing on what he actually said to the women to make them orgasm. That’s the stuff I was most interested in studying.
  • Advanced Sexual Hypnosis – Takes dirty talk to the next level. Focus is on hypnosis, and the amazing things you can do for women simply through language and taking a strong lead. It’s cool because this product teaches less through lecture, and more through his personal stories. And there’s a hypnosis script at the end you can actually use on your woman. This is the advanced stuff. Shade recommends starting with Give Women Wild Screaming Orgasms. Highly recommended though.

9. ALEX ALLMAN.

He emphasizes building sexual trust with women, listening, and communicating. His programs tend to be more on the spiritual side than David Shade’s (David Shade emphasizes more NLP). But Alex still stays practical and gives excellent techniques, from the basics like giving her a clitoral orgasm, to the advanced stuff like stacking orgasms and you having non-ejaculatory orgasms. He’s the real deal.

  • Sexual Mastery – Covers basics on her anatomy, your body control, and sexual communication. This is my absolute favorite program by Alex Allman. I followed his 3 step orgasm and to my surprise it actually worked! Deeply insightful and practical. Some advanced stuff in here too, like stacking orgasms. All audio, but fantastic.
  • Revolutionary Sex – ebook, great on the fundamentals. Great tips on giving her oral (for example, take a break from licking her clit and kiss her, or while you’re licking her clit, feel her tits, so it’s not just a purely physical experience) and how to give her extended orgasms.
  • Command and Control – this program teaches you how to control your ejaculations and separate them from orgasm. Good exercises and tips like if you make sounds, it helps with control, and his challenge for you to make a conscious effort NOT to orgasm when you’re with her. I don’t know if I learned to have non-ejaculatory orgasm from this program alone, but it certainly helped me along the way.

::: Division 2: The Best From The Mainstream :::

1. INNER-GAME

  • The Way of The Superior Man, David Deida – How to deal with women and be a man from a spiritual or philosophical point of view. Talk about the big picture. Holy moly. He’s the best.
  • Awareness/Way To Love, Anthony DeMello – Written by a Jesuit priest from India, what’s most important is reality and awareness, not the external, like “esteem” from others.
  • How to Want What You Have, Timothy Miller – Written by a psychologist but based on almost Buddhist principles of compassion, attention, and gratitude. Strong inner-game comes from practicing these principles.
  • Mastery, George Leonard – Written by a master of martial arts… stay on the path of practice, don’t make your journey towards mastering a skill about getting “medals” or thinking of yourself as a “master.”
  • Mastering Your Hidden Self, Serge Kahili King – about an ancient religion of Hawaii called Huna… great insights into how the mind works and creating your own reality through the right thoughts.
  • When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, Manuel Smith – Written by a psychologist, about how to be assertive and how to deal with manipulation.
  • How To Win Friends And Influence People, Dale Carnegie – On human relations and seeing things from the other person’s point of view. Invaluable.
  • Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Brandon – Written by the psychologist who invented the term “self-esteem,” wisdom about being validated from within, not by others.

2. MASCULINITY

  • The Way of The Superior Man, David Deida
  • Iron John, Robert Bly – Analysis by a poet of the Grimm fairy tale “Iron John,” he gets deep into what it means to be a man who’s “wild,” protective, and emotionally centered.
  • No More Mr. Nice Guy, Robert Glover – Written by a psychologist, examining the origins of The Nice Guy syndrome from the feminist movement, and a prescription how to break free from it.
  • Wild at Heart, John Eldredge – Written by a Christian writer who writes about what it means to be a man. If you’re not a Christian, it still offers much. He thinks the three desires of men are: having a battle to fight, having adventure, having a beauty to rescue.
  • Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants, Elliott Katz – Guide on not compromising yourself with women, but being a strong man with women

3. SUCCESS WITH WOMEN

  • The Way of The Superior Man, David Deida
  • How To Be The Jerk Women Love, FJ Shark – All about how to challenge women and the mindset you need to have to challenge women. Huge. Also points out the importance of qualification.
  • How to Be Successful With Women, Ron Louis and David Copeland – Written before Mystery Method and David DeAngelo, but seems to be influenced by NLP and Ross Jeffries. Regardless, some valuable stuff in there everything from getting your presentation down to relationship maintenance. It’s missing that critical piece about “being a challenge.” The authors realized this and tried to write a book to make up for it called “How to be The Bad Boy Women Love.” The title sounds promising and although decent, it’s not as good as this one.
  • How to Make Someone Fall in Love with You in 90 Minutes or Less, Nicolas Boothman – Written by a NLP guy. Although written for both men and women, it seems to be geared toward women. Fantastic NLP fundamentals though. And one insight from this book about the three things we need to fall in love gave me one of my biggest breakthroughs in approaching women.
  • How to Pick up Beautiful Women in Nightclubs and Other Places, John Eagan – written in the early nineties before the pickup community (in fact Mystery had read it to help him be more successful) by a bouncer/bartender who “saw it all” when it came to guys approaching women, and gave women a survey on what the most effective way to pick them up was. Big takeaway was how important smiling is. Second, the direct approach, or sincere appreciation, works. Gives actual direct openers that sound a bit dated but can be easily tweaked. This book helped me a lot. Recommended. Valuable for understanding the women’s perspective, too.
  • 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman – There are 5 languages we use to express love: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, act of service, physical touch. Speak in the language your woman prefers and it will help you a relationship last with your woman.
  • Her Love Bucket and The 7 Rings of Desire, Sherrie Rose – Not a book, but a website. According to this woman who calls herself “The Love Linguist,” a woman has 7 rings of desire: sex, contact (e.g. calling her), recognition (e.g. saying “thank-you” or “you look beautiful”), provisions (e.g. giving her gifts), do for, do with, lifestyle (your values, how you live your life). It’s similar to the 5 Love Languages. The idea is to find your woman’s 3 – 4 favorite “rings” and constantly stimulate them, if you want to keep her happy, and the relationship alive.
  • I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell & Assholes Finish First, Tucker Max – Reading these hilarious stories, you’ll get the mindset you need to be more successful with women, namely “I don’t give a shit.”
  • The Many Loves of Casanova, Giacomo Casanova – See the great seducer in action. Valuable lessons.
  • Art of Seduction, Robert Greene –  He analyzes all the great seducers and seductions from history and finds underlying patterns of what makes an effective seduction. Intellectually stimulating, great writing, and a pleasure to read. Not practical.
  • Sleight of Mouth, Robert Dilts – a classic NLP book about how language is a representational system that builds our mental model of the world. Awareness of our language can help us to perceive the world around us more accurately and to respond to the world more effectively. How to speak and listen can help our success with women.
  • Influence, Robert Cialdini – Written by a psychologist. He argues there are six triggers in our minds that make us react in a certain way. We get bombarded with choices and we need a short-cut to cut through it all and make quick decisions. Like judging a book by the cover. The six triggers: reciprocation, commitment and consistency, social proof, liking, authority, scarcity. Originally written to analyze how marketing influences and persuades us, it can be applied to how women evaluate us, too. Also helps understand your own psychology, as well as the psychology of your fellow human.

4. FEMALE PERSPECTIVE

  • Dangerous Men and Adventurous Women, ed. Ann Krentz – Essays by romance writers breaking down the appeal of romance novels for women. Gives a hint to female psychology and what they want in a man.
  • Undercover Sex Signals, Leil Lowndes –  Love this book. Women signal interest in us all the time. They’re so subtle, a lot of times we miss them. But if we pick up on them, half the work is done before we approach. Written by a woman, you get a great perspective on what women want.
  • Dr. Z On Scoring, Dr. Victoria Zdork – Written by a Playmate and Penthouse Pet with a JD in law and a PhD in psychology. She covers everything from inner game to sex. Best value is you get the female perspective on pickup and sex, and you get a peek inside the mind (and insecurities) of hot women.
  • Secret Garden, Nancy Friday – Classic. Written in the 70s. Written by a woman who collected hundreds of women’s most secret sexual fantasies. Talk about getting an inside look at what women long for. Also shows you how sexual women are, and how they long to be dominated.
  • In The Garden of Desire, Wendy Maltz and Suzie Boss – Another great book that collects women’s fantasies in order to help women express their sexual selves more freely.
  • 9 1/2 Weeks, Elizabeth McNeil – This is the memoir that the movie was based on. It’s a true story written by a woman who was an executive for a large corporation. You’ll see first hand how women long to surrender and be dominated by a strong man.
  • Bare, Elisabeth Eaves – Another memoir written by a journalist who worked in a strip club. Gives a great inside look of the female perspective and the awareness women have that their bodies have a strange power over men.

5. SEX

  • Enlightened Sex, David Deida – how to take sex from mere “friction” to something more spiritual, and enlightening.
  • Making Love to Women, Nina Hartley – video made by porn star turned sex educator. Wonderful insights on what goes on in a woman’s mind, how to make her feel comfortable, and give her pleasure.
  • Secrets of Sensual Lovemaking, Tom Leonardi – One of my personal favorites. Focuses on giving women squirting G-spot orgasms. It’s not just about physical techniques. He says it takes both physical and psychological techniques to get her there. Learned so much from this. Great understanding of how to be better with women in general.
  • How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time, Nora Hayden – Fantastic technique/lesson on teasing a woman with your cock. The anticipation creates so much desire in her, you put her on the brink of orgasm before you even enter her.

6. Outside Pickup, But Related: Health, Wealth, Fashion, How To Be Funny

FASHION

  • Brad P’s Fashion Bible, Brad P – This book helped me understand fashion better. Gives a practical philosophy of how fashion can create attraction, then gives you the how-to. Very grateful for this book. Helped me a lot.
  • AskMen.com Presents The Style Bible, ed. James Bassil – Gives FANTASTIC fundamentals on fashion, everything from shoes and socks to maintaining your clothes and grooming tips. HIGHLY recommended.

HOW TO BE FUNNY

  • How to Be Funny, Jon Macks – Written by a writer for Jay Leno, he doesn’t think funny is something you’re born with, but something you can learn. Gives awesome practical tips on how to be funnier in everyday life.
  • The Comic Toolbox, John Vorhaus – Written by a Hollywood comedy writer, he gives the tools of the trade comedy writers and comics use. His idea is that comedy = truth + pain, and that the biggest roadblock to comedy is the internal editor. Loved the “philosophy” and the practical tips.
  • Comedy Writing Secrets, Melvin Helitzer – Written in the 80s and more for writers who want to work in comedy. Gives solid fundamentals. Most famous in the community for giving David DeAngelo his famous insight that comedy doesn’t arise from the words or lines you say, but from the character you play.

HEALTH

  • p90x, Tony Horton and Beach Body – Simply awesome. No fads here. Just the solid fundamentals. Pushups, pull-ups, free weights, plyometrics, kenpo, yoga, stretching, eating healthy. It’s also like having your own personal trainer. If you follow this program for 90 days, you WILL get a better body, guaranteed. I had lost 40 lbs first time I went through it. Challenges you. Will make you stronger.
  • Body for Life, Bill Phillips – a book that taught me so much about the fundamentals of eating right and exercise. Great conversational writing style. Not just about changing your body, but inner-game stuff on getting your life right. Practical. Not a quick fix, but how to create habits that will keep you healthy for the rest of you life.

WEALTH

  • Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill – A classic written during the depression. Andrew Carnegie inspired Napoleon Hill to write this book. Napoleon Hill spent years studying the most successful people in the world during his time (including Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, Andrew Carnegie) and found the common thread was their success began in their thinking. This book taught me the most invaluable lesson: we have power over our thoughts, and therefore our actions… power over our thoughts is probably one of the few things we have power over.
  • Rich Dad Poor Dad, Robert Kiyosaki – Dubbed as the #1 Personal Finance Book in history. Compares two philosophies of money. One by Kiyosaki’s biological father who was an academic genius but believed you have to work for money, and died penniless. The other by Kiyosaki’s best friend’s father who was an academic failure but believed money should work for you, and died wealthy. This book was a life-changer for me. It inspired me to open up my own businesses. Lesson: Don’t just be a consumer. Better to spend your money on things that create value for others.
  • Self-Made Wealth, & Turn Your Talent Into Income, Eben Pagan – Eben Pagan is the real person behind David DeAngelo and who created the Double Your Dating online empire. He shows you how he did it through these programs. Find your talent, use it to create value for others, and make money as a byproduct.

PART II: GOOD

::: Introduction :::

The reason these people are B Level is for one of three reasons:

a) Heavy on theory, light on practical stuff. You’ll get stuck in your head.

b) They’re basically a rip off of Mystery or Ross Jeffries. Why not go to the original source, the TEACHERS of these guys who will actually get you results?

c) Waaaaaaay too expensive.

::: Division 1: Solid :::

These are a little better than the rest in this category because they give you stuff that can actually help you get results.

1. Vin Di Carlo

  • Escalation Ladder – FANTASTIC miniature ebook about how to physically escalate. Not enough pickup teachers teach this. He gives you a system. And it kicks ass.
  • Secrets of Sexual Tension – Another miniature ebook. I learned A LOT about creating sexual tension from this.
  • Attraction Code – His manifesto ebook. He gives you theory and demonstrates through case studies. My take-away: be stable amidst the “dissonance” out in the field. That’s veeeery attractive for women. In the end, great on philosophy, lighter on the how-to. Still great stuff, though.
  • Pandora’s Box – series of modules that comes with an ebook. HUGE points for being so damn innovative and original. It’s about female psychology. Inspired by the Myers-Briggs Test, the idea is there are 8 types of women based on the fundamental conflicts women deal with: Time (find a high-status mate before she gets too old), Sex (she wants sex, but there are consequences), and Relationship (focus on raising a family, or being career-oriented/self-sufficient). HIghly Recommended. Gives you an understanding of the female perspective. And you get some great “quizzes” you can use with women out in the field as qualifiers/DHVs.

He has other great stuff. He dubs himself as all about Natural Game, but in reality he’s HEAVY into theory. He was a student of Mystery under the handle “Woodhaven” but distinguished himself when he rebelled against scripts. I’ve learned much from him, and recommend him. I also learned from him that you can have a woman drive to YOUR place and having a woman help you with your passion can increase her attraction in you because she’s investing in you. I also respect the fact he invented EXERCISES to help you with pickup. He tries hard to get pickup out of mere theory. In the end, he is theoretical, and he’s a student of Mystery’s.

2. Richard La Ruina, a.k.a Gambler

  • Natural Art of Seduction  – A book published in the U.K. mainstream. Seems to want to be a combo of Neil Strauss’ “The Game,” “The Rules of The Game,” and your standard ebook on PUA theory. I know that sounds confusing. The emphasis is on PUA theory. But he interlaces his own transformation story, and throws out a lukewarm exercise here and there. It’s an okay book. Basically a restatement of the Mystery Method (even though it’s self-styled “natural game”).
  • Pickup University – Series of DVDs. It’s basically film footage of Gambler and his instructors lecturing at seminars. Solid fundamentals, but it’s still all lecture.
  • Stealth Attraction – DVD. Emphasis on club game. The idea is to pump up social proof, and other little techniques to help increase your success rate in approaching club girls. Lots of ingenious techniques. It’s all how-to. It’s all lecture. But he demo’s his techniques on a girl at the seminar. I’d recommend it. I’d say it’s one of his best.

He reminds me of Vin Di Carlo. He’s from the U.K. He also dubs himself as all about Natural Game, but is HEAVY into theory, too. He also started as a student of Mystery. He’s great on the fundamentals. I learned much from him about body language, and conversation. But he’s heavy into lecture as that’s style of teaching. Kezia,

Kezia Noble

SUPER-hot woman who puts out pickup info for guys, had her start as one of his instructors.

3. Stephane Hemon

I enjoy his spiritual insights into success with women. Verges on New Age though. But his results show he’s the real deal.

4. Nick Sparks

I’ve learned a lot from him, but mostly from just watching him in action. Here’s a couple of links so you can see what I’m talking about. Here, Sparks demo’s his method of physical escalation. And here, Sparks demo’s talking with a cute girl and flirting.

5. Daniel Rose

  • The Sex God Method – His 4 principles of being great in bed is AWESOME! Those principles are: dominance, emotion, variety, immersion (i.e. being in the present). He emphasizes the psychological aspects of being good in bed. But he includes some scripts and techniques, too. A classic. Ebook highly recommended.
  • Membership Site – His membership club is a money drain, and all his video modules (as you can see from the pic above) is lecture. The best part of his membership is a video (not his, and not mere lecture) about how to control ejaculation. THAT was awesome.

6. Jason Julius

  • Orgasm Arts – Series of modules. He emphasizes physical techniques of giving women orgasms. He lectures but he also demo’s the techniques on a prosthetic of a vagina. God, it helps not just to be blabbering but to actually demo. Recommended. Great fingering techniques. One time payment, life-time membership.

7. Joshua Pellicier

  • The Tao of Badass – Haven’t read the book, but heard great things. In his marketing, I noticed he relied on the insights of Mystery and Lance Mason, such as banter and qualification. Solid fundamentals though in that marketing, though.
  • How to Date Multiple Women – ebook with membership site (no secret on-going payments), no-bullshit, real practical tips you can use about how to date multiple women. Short and sweet, too. Seems to have integrity. Recommended.

8. Marni Wing

She’s best one-on-one with you. I watched one of her videos, and what I remember from it is the word “proactive.” I think that was one of the qualities she said women thought were attractive in a man. I also had phone conversation with her once. I was amazed how quickly she honed in on my sticking point, which helped me become more aware of it. I also had some email correspondence with her, and she was great at giving you the female perspective. I learned more from those one-on-one sessions than the video I watched. She’s got integrity, she gives you value, and she’s VERY insightful.

9. Mirabelle Summers

I read a miniature ebook by her called How to Become a Sexual Dynamo. Holy shit. I learned SO MUCH about how to be better in bed and the female perspective from this. I even wrote a post based it called The Five Principles of Female Pleasure. That little ebook? HIGHLY recommended.

10. Ellen Eatough

I listened to Alex Allman interview her. She had great insights about how foreplay is something that happens all day, not just before sex. Her newsletters come from a spiritual perspective. I’ve learned much from her.

11. 2 Girls Teach Sex

Basically this is just girl-on-girl porn, with some instruction tacked on. The instruction isn’t anything insightful. It’s just a rip-off of Daniel Roses’ 4 principles, but with different names. The value of these DVDs definitely isn’t in the instruction, which is B-level, but in actually watching the women have sex with each other. Yeah, I get turned on watching it, but I picked up a few tips along the way, too. Haha

::: Division 2: Decent :::

12. John Alanis

His insight into success with women: have a sense of “authority.” I thought this was very original, and insightful. Besides that, I don’t know a lot about him. He seems like a good marketer, but I’m not sure if his content delivers or not.

13. Badboy

He’s awesome because he’s so raw and direct. He has a limp, and he’s from Europe (Croatia I believe). One of the originals from The Game. But his company seems a little disorganized.

14. Stylelife

Regurgitation of Mystery

15. Mehow

Regurgitation of Mystery. His “Get The Girl” ebook is solid Mystery Method fundamentals. But still a regurgitation.

16. Gabrielle Moore

“The Female Orgasm Revealed” book was awesome. My big takeaway from that book was to get a woman as close as you can to climax before you enter her, then when you enter her, her orgasm is right around the corner. “Turn Her On Faster” was a massive waste of money.

17. Scott McCay

I’ve listened to interviews with him. A lot of stuff on being a good guy. He’s okay. Nothing to write home about.

18. Alex Coulson

Okay. Regurgitation of Mystery. His idea of showing actual pickup scenes and breaking them down is great, though. The info seems solid, and he seems like he actually has game.

::: Division 3: Good Rep, But What’s The Big Deal? :::

1. Hypnotica

I know David DeAngelo was friends with him and DeAngelo said he learned much from him. I know Neil Strauss said this man and Steve P gave him his graduate course in pickup. I know this, so I made an extra effort to give this guy a chance. Over and over. But to me he just rambles. I listen for coherence, or at least content, and it’s a challenge. The closest thing to content or coherence I find is half-baked regurgitation of David Deida, NLP, and The Secret. I’m sure he’s AWESOME with women. And maybe you have to be there in person with him doing one of his hypnosis sessions to get the real benefit. But just from what I’ve seen of him, I don’t see it.

2. Steve P

This is Hypnotica’s partner in crime. They often teach seminars together. When he speaks, I listen. He’s more coherent than Hypnotica. HOWEVER… I RUSHED to get his White Tiger Tantra DVD set as soon as it came out. It was a disappointment. I went through it twice. I wanted to like it. 5 DVDs, and I got more out of the only DVD in the set that Steve P wasn’t on. That DVD went over the fundamentals of massage, and I learned from that. Steve P does the voiceover, but he doesn’t demo in this particular DVD, yet I liked the DVD he wasn’t on best. Why? Why were the other DVDs not as good? The DVD  I liked was clear in its communication and took you step by step through the basics of massage. The other DVDs looked like they were shot on the fly with explanations thrown in as an after thought. What put the nail in the coffin for my opinion of Steve P in general was in an email Steve P sent out to his list. He asked for this inordinate amount of money, something like $100,000, just to learn from him. He just lost me after that. But from the few recorded seminars I heard him speak at, the man definitely has some great insights.

3. Brent Smith

I once subscribed to his newsletters because David DeAngelo said he learned from this guy. I got little out of them. I’m sure he’s great with woman, but just saying “be indifferent” doesn’t really help.

4. Carlos Xuma

I also tried to give this guy a chance. He’s got a stellar reputation. But really long newsletters. A lot of fluff. Wasn’t learning anything new. And listening to him talk… yowzers. His voice is so nasally, it’s hard for me to listen. I respect the fact that he runs an upstanding business. He’s insightful. But nothing was standing out to me. And his voice was so nasally. Oh, did I say that already?

::: Division 4: Ross Jeffries Regurgitation (NLP Stuff) :::

1. Tony Clink – The Plan: Have Sex Tonight With A Gorgeous Woman in 69 Easy Steps was simply a regurgitation of Ross Jeffries. It’s all about how to pickup women using NLP. Shrug.

2. John Cliff – Master Seducer’s Handbook is all about using NLP to pickup women. What’s great about the book are the exercises he provides, especially in part one (the book has three parts total). I also like that he actually shows you the how-to and the theory behind using NLP with seduction. He does this better than Ross Jeffries’ Speed Seduction product I have. So, respect. But still, it’s NLP. It’s been done by Ross Jeffries already.

PART III. MY LEAST FAVORITE

These aren’t bad guys. In a lot of cases, they’re doing great things. I just had VERY mediocre experiences either dealing with their products, or with their customer service.

1. Rion Williams

His idea is brilliant. His writing sucks. Probably the most painful writing I’ve ever read in my life. It was as if he barfed on the page and then decided to sell it for $50 because his idea is half-way original. His marketing writing convinced me to buy the book, which is good. But what pissed me off was in his marketing he talked about how he was so different from every pua in the community. When I read the book he basically says the exact same thing that the pua community talks about. I felt bull-shitted. His original idea? Women’s beauty is a social construction. Therefore, talk to her like a human being rather than a hot “object.” That’s basically the pua idea. But rock on for pointing out a woman’s beauty is just a social construction. I was hoping he’d expand on this fantastic idea, and learn more. No. He’d just restate that sentence over and over. FANTASTIC insight, but unless he takes the time to edit the book or expand on his idea, save your $50.

2. Swinggcat

  • Real World Seduction – ebook. Apparently, he invented the term “push-pull.” He reminds you to think of yourself as the Prize. His writing was also painful, second only to Rion Williams. His sentences were so contorted to try and be funny that it was sometime torturous to read. Also, after I bought his book, mysteriously $29 was deducted from my bank account every month for what? I still have not the slightest clue. I got it to stop, but he was slow to answer my emails asking him to stop payment. His book is a classic in the community, but for me it was not a happy experience.

3. David Wygant

I’ve listened to him in interviews, and read a few of his newsletters. He comes off as a pompous prick to me. Makes it hard to listen to him.

4. Christian Hudson

I’m sure he’s great. Really. But I had watched a video of him lecturing at the 21 Convention, and a video of him interviewing someone. In the interview he’d get all pissy with his business partner Nick Sparks when Nick was just trying to have a little fun. So, he annoys me.

5. Authentic Man Project

Holy New Age Men Batman. Most of their ideas seem to be a pale imitation of David Deida. I test-drove one of their products: a CD, DVD, and manual. I felt like I needed a shower afterwards.

6. Adam Gilad

Way too New Age for me. He also seems to regurgitate David Deida. He’s a writer, though, and he’s got some great insights into writing a good online profile for yourself. Outside of that, whatever.

7. Love Systems

I bought Routines Manual and Magic Bullets. Both sucked. And way overpriced. The company once called me, don’t know why, probably to sell me something. Anyway, I told them how I felt gypped by their product. They were like “whatever” and hung up on me. Awesome. Maybe I had come across as a little frustrated for spending so much and getting so little in return, and this particular guy didn’t want to hear it. Ever since, zero interest in this company. Besides, they’re a rip off of Mystery. In fact, the company was called “Mystery Method” until Mystery left them. And the new name of their business? Why would you pair such an impersonal, factory-sounding word “systems” with such a personal word such as “love”? Pass.

PART IV: HAVEN’T TRIED, BUT HAVE NO INTEREST

1. Real Social Dynamics

Tyler Durden is a guest speaker in a lot of David DeAngelo’s products, and I’ve gone through a number of them, as you can tell. David DeAngelo would basically suck Tyler’s dick in his introductions, but after listening to Tyler speak (this was before I had even made the connection that this was the same Tyler from The Game) I couldn’t figure out why David D made such a fuss about him. I thought his voice sounded like Mickey Mouse. And he’d just ramble. I did come across a later video of him in his own seminar, and I thought he kicked ass in that talk. Anyway, his big contribution to the community is AMOG techniques (Alpha Male Of the Group). Who gives a shit? I wanna be more successful with women, not out “alpha” guys. I’ve heard his Blueprint product is good, though. But I also heard his product is like Eckard Tolle. That makes me not to want to look at his products even more. On top of that his portrayal in The Game is a turn off. He gets a lot of good reviews, and I’m sure they’re warranted, but personally I just don’t have any interest. Again, I’m sure he’s solid. But he learned everything from Mystery (and David DeAngelo), so why not just go directly to his teachers?

CONCLUSION: WHERE TO START

I’d start with an overview:

  1. Double Your Dating ebook, David DeAngelo – Great overview on attraction. (Later down the line, Sexual Communication is great. Expands on how to create attraction. And Mastery with Women & Dating is FANTASTIC for inner-game stuff.)
  2. The Game, Neil Strauss – Inspires you for what’s possible with women.
  3. Mystery Method, Mystery – The theory and big picture behind that possibility. Watch VH-1 Pickup Artist on Amazon if you want to see the theory in action.

Next, PRACTICE. These products will help you do just that.

  1. Rules of the Game, Neil Strauss – forces you to get out into the field… but only for 30 days
  2. Charismatic Conversations, Lance Mason – THE BEST to help you get success. This product emphasizes the attract stage. Later on, I’d recommend Zero Drama Dating & 60 Minute Seductions for seduction and dating multiple women.
  3. 30/30 Club, Brad P – picks up where Rules of The Game left off. It will take you to mastery level. Forces you to make 30 approaches per month for 1 year. Online coaches to help you along the way. You get every one of his products, including his fashion stuff.

While you’re out practicing, especially with the help of the 30/30 Club, you’ll have time to work on your sexual skills and inner-game. In my opinion, these are some of the best products to help you do just that.

  1. Sex:
    • Sexual Mastery, Alex Allan
    • Give Women Wild Screaming OrgasmsHot Phone SexAdvanced Sexual Hypnosis, David Shade – in that order.
    • Secrets of Sensual Lovemaking, Tom Leonardi
    • How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time, Nora Hayden
  2. Inner-Game/Masculinity:
    1. Inner Game
      • Way of the Superior Man, David Deida
      • How to Want What You Have, Timothy Miller
      • Awareness, Anthony DeMello
    1. Masculinity
      • No More Mr. Nice Guy, Robert Glover
      • Iron John, Robert Bly
      • Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants, Elliot Katz
    1. Skills
      • When I Say No I Feel Guilty, Manuel J. Smith – great on assertiveness.
      • How to Win Friends & Influence People, Dale Carnegie – great on general social skills.

There are three big areas of life to get together: health, wealth, and relationships. As your success with women increases, here are some products to help you get the two other areas of life under control, too.

  1. Health: p90x, Tony Horton & Beachbody
  2. Wealth:
    • Think & Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill
    • Rich Dad Poor Dad, Robert Kiyosaki

Ultimately, the change will happen not through products, but PRACTICE. Practice is the best “product” you can get. And it’s free.

More gratuitous nudity
 

Pickup Product Review

There’s a lot of stuff out there on how to be more successful with women. Where do you begin? I’ve gone through a lot of it, and not all of it is created equal. I made a my personal list of what I think is the best, what’s okay, and what I liked the least. You can find it here.

For now, here’s a quick overview of how to cut through all the crap.

First, start with an overview:

  1. Double Your Dating ebook, David DeAngelo – Great overview on attraction.
  2. The Game, Neil Strauss – Inspires you for what’s possible with women.
  3. Mystery Method, Mystery – The theory and big picture behind that possibility. Watch VH-1 Pickup Artist on Amazon if you want to see the theory in action.

Second, PRACTICE. These products will help you do just that.

  1. Rules of the Game, Neil Strauss – forces you to get out into the field… but only for 30 days
  2. Charismatic Conversations, Lance Mason – THE BEST to help you get success. This product emphasizes the attract stage. Later on, I’d recommend Zero Drama Dating & 60 Minute Seductions for seduction and dating multiple women.
  3. 30/30 Club, Brad P – picks up where Rules of The Game left off. It will take you to mastery level. Forces you to make 30 approaches per month for 1 year. Online coaches to help you along the way. You get every one of his products, including his fashion stuff.

Third, while you’re out practicing, especially with the help of the 30/30 Club, you’ll have time to work on your sexual skills and inner-game. In my opinion, these are some of the best products to help you do just that.

  1. Sex:
    • Sexual Mastery, Alex Allan
    • Give Women Wild Screaming Orgasms, Hot Phone Sex, Advanced Sexual Hypnosis, David Shade – in that order.
    • Secrets of Sensual Lovemaking, Tom Leonardi
    • How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time, Nora Hayden
  2. Inner-Game/Masculinity:
    1. Inner Game
      • Way of the Superior Man, David Deida
      • How to Want What You Have, Timothy Miller
      • Awareness, Anthony DeMello
    1. Masculinity
      • No More Mr. Nice Guy, Robert Glover
      • Iron John, Robert Bly
      • Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants, Elliot Katz
    1. Skills
      • When I Say No I Feel Guilty, Manuel J. Smith – great on assertiveness.
      • How to Win Friends & Influence People, Dale Carnegie – great on general social skills.

Finally, there are three big areas of life to get together: health, wealth, and relationships. As your success with women increases, here are some products to help you get the two other areas of life under control, too.

  1. Health: p90x, Tony Horton & Beachbody
  2. Wealth:
    • Think & Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill
    • Rich Dad Poor Dad, Robert Kiyosaki
    • MarketAmerica.com, JR Ridinger

Ultimately, the change will happen not through products, but PRACTICE. Practice is the best “product” you can get. And it’s free.

 
11 Comments

Posted by on September 7, 2012 in Home, Pickup Product Review

 

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Always Make Her Feel Important

“The desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature.” – John Dewey

“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” – William James

“Always make the other person feel important…

All of us want to feel important. We don’t want empty flattery, but we do want recognition of our worth.

So let’s obey the Golden Rule, and give unto others what we would have others give unto us.

How? When? Where? The answer is: All the time, everywhere.” – Dale Carnegie, “How to Win Friends” page 100-101.

This passage has been a revelation to me, so I wanted to share it with you. It applies to me, to you, to everyone, and it especially applies to being more successful with women.

 

Always Make Her Feel Important

“The desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature.” – John Dewey

“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” – William James

“Always make the other person feel important…

All of us want to feel important. We don’t want empty flattery, but we do want recognition of our worth.

So let’s obey the Golden Rule, and give unto others what we would have others give unto us.

How? When? Where? The answer is: All the time, everywhere.” – Dale Carnegie, “How to Win Friends” page 100-101.

This passage has been a revelation to me, so I wanted to share it with you. It applies to me, to you, to everyone, and it especially applies to being more successful with women.

 

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Quotes

Getting ready to read some quotes

Getting ready to read some quotes

Here are some pearls of wisdom relevant to not only success with women, but being an excellent man. I’ve divided these quotes into three main parts: Inner-Game, Outer-Game, and Martial Arts Quotes. Here’s how each part breaks down:

:::Table of Contents:::

I. Inner-Game

  1. Integrity
  2. Discipline and Persistence
  3. Dealing with Sadness and Rejection
  4. It’s Okay To Make Mistakes
  5. You Create Your Own Reality
  6. The Mind
  7. On Having  Direction
  8. Social Freedom: Who Cares What People Think of You?
  9. Empathy

II. Outer-Game

  1. Qualify
  2. Philosophers on Seduction
  3. From The Community
  4. On Seduction and Sex
  5. On Women
  6. Relationship Maintenance

III. Martial Arts

  1. Martial Arts Quotes Relevant To Venusian Arts

I. INNER-GAME

Inner-game and self-reflection. Drawing by M.C. Escher, 1935.

Inner-game and self-reflection. Drawing by M.C. Escher, 1935.

1. Integrity

Soren Kierkegaard

Danish Philosopher Soren Kierkegaard, Grandfather of Existential Philosophy. 1813- 1855

The majority of men are subjective towards themselves and objective towards all others, terribly objective sometimes–but the real task is in fact to be objective towards oneself and subjective towards all others.” – Soren Kierkegaard, Papirer VIII (A165, Alexander Dru, translator, p. 676) as quoted by Howard and Edna Long, translators of Works of Love in “Translator’s Introduction” (New York: HarperTorchbooks, 1962), p. 13.

2. Discipline and Persistence

Discipline

Discipline

“Self-respect is the fruit of discipline.” – Abraham J. Heschel

selfdisciplinerooseveltquote

“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.” –Calvin Coolidge, 1872 – 1933, 30th U.S. President

Og-Mandino-6

“Discipline gives total freedom; it allows you to go beyond limitations, to break through boundaries and reach the highest goal.” — Chidvilasananda

“If you never take risks in life, you’ll never see anything new” 
― Blake Lewis

“You have failed only when you quit trying. Until then, you’re still in the act of progression. So, never quit trying and you’ll never be a failure.” —Tommy Kelley

“Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to be able to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart; that’s true strength.” -Unknown, From Erospainter.tumblr.com

“Pain is only weakness leaving your body, so dont give up because it hurts … keep going cause it makes you stonger.” – Brandon Moore

“That which doesn’t kill me, will make me stronger!” – Friedrich Nietzsche

Hell, yeah

Hell, yeah

“We do not rise to the level of our expectations. We fall to the level of our training”

“True strength is the flower of Wisdom, but its seed is action.”

“Victory is reserved for those who are willing to pay its price.” – Sun Tzu

“It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.” – Confucius

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.” – Confucius

“Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole body and soul can be a true master.  For this reason, mastery demands all of a person.”

“The more you sweat in training, the less you will bleed in battle.” – Motto of Navy Seals

3. Dealing with Sadness and Rejection

Merlin. From Disney's "Sword in the Stone"

Merlin puffing on his pipe. From Disney’s “Sword in the Stone.”

“The best thing for being sad,” replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, “is to learn something. That’s the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn.”— T.H. White, “The Once and Future King”

4. It’s Okay To Make Mistakes

Herman Hesse, German poet, novelist, and painter. 1877 – 1962

Herman Hesse, German poet, novelist, and painter. 1877 – 1962

“I learned through my body and soul that it was necessary to sin, that I needed lust, that I had to strive for property and experience nausea and the depths of despair in order to learn not to resist them, in order to learn to love the world, and no longer compare it with some kind of desired imaginary vision of perfection, but to leave it as it is, to love it and be glad to belong to it.” –Herman Hesse via nonedusa.

5. You Create Your Own Reality

Creating your own reality

Creating your own reality

“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations. It is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“We can always choose to perceive things differently. We can focus on what’s wrong in our life, or we can focus on what’s right.” – Unknown, From Erospainter.tumblr.com

“You may believe that you are responsible for what you do, but not for what you think. The truth is that you are responsible for what you think, because it is only at this level that you can exercise choice. What you do comes from what you think.” -Unknown, From Erospainter.tumblr.com

“I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou

“Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.” -Unknown, From Erospainter.tumblr.com 

“Something amazing happens when we surrender and just love. We melt into another world, a realm of power already within us. The world changes when we change. the world softens when we soften. The world loves us when we choose to love the world.” -Unknown, From Erospainter.tumblr.com

“See first with your mind, then with your eyes, and finally with your body” – Yagyu Munenori

6. The Mind

tumblr_m12ce7jq1R1qld9lzo1_500

Success begins in your mind. Positive thoughts or negative thoughts. Either way, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy

“He Who Knows Others Is Wise. He Who Knows Himself Is Enlightened.” – Tao Te Ching

“Given enough time, any man may master the physical. With enough knowledge, any man may become wise. It is the true warrior who can master both….and surpass the result.” – Tien T’ai

“Act like a man of thought – Think like a man of action.” – Thomas Mann

644342_10150998922636805_1016409168_n

Mental bearing (calmness), is not skill, it is the sign of a matured marital artist (or Venusian Artist). A martial artist (or Venusian Artist) therefore should neither be pompous nor arrogant.” – Tsukahara Bokuden.

“Talk is easy – ACTION is difficult. Action is easy – TRUE UNDERSTANDING is difficult!”

“One finds life through conquering the fear of death within one’s mind. Empty the mind of all forms of attachment, make a go-for-broke charge and conquer the opponent with one decisive slash.” – Togo Shigekata.

“The undisturbed mind is like the calm body water reflecting the brilliance of the moon. Empty the mind and you will realize the undisturbed mind.” – Yagyu Jubei

“It is the very mind itself that leads the mind astray; Of the mind, Do not be mindless.”

“To think, “I will not think” – This, too, is something in one’s thoughts. Simply do not think about not thinking at all.” – Takuan

“The no-mind not-thinks no-thoughts about no-things.” – The Buddha

“Be master OF mind rather than mastered BY mind” – Zen Saying

7. On Having Direction

484005_10151264678268298_148214229_n

“Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it.” – Buddha 

“It comes down to a simple question: what do you want out of life, and what are you willing to do to get it? Be specific in what you want, and use specific words. Empower yourself, and become the person you dream about. Listen closely: the only time it’s too late to change yourself is when you’re dead. Until then, you’re simply making excuses or lying to yourself.” -Unknown, From Erospainter.tumblr.com

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people how have come alive.” – Gil Bailie as quoted by John Eldredge in “Wild at Heart,” p. 200.

“What would you do right now if you knew that everything today would 
turn out perfectly? What project would you start, what person would 
you talk to, what problem would you tackle if you could be assured of
success? Is there anything you’re putting off because you’re afraid of 
failure? Is there anyone you’re avoiding because you’re afraid of 
what they would say or think? There is no guarantee of success. But there is a guarantee that if you never go for it, you’ll never have it. And even in the failed attempts, you’ll learn and grow. There is no guarantee that other people will think highly of all you say and do. But that’s their problem. Do you believe in the worth of your own pursuits? If so, then what could possibly prevent you from following them? If you’re looking for a sure thing, then here’s one — everything you achieve will come only from the things you attempt. In order to succeed, you must proceed. Today is a great day to start.” -Unknown, From Erospainter.tumblr.com

“Everything you can imagine is real.” ― Pablo Picasso

 “This is our purpose: to make as meaningful as possible this life that has been bestowed upon us … to live in such a way that we may be proud of ourselves, to act in such a way that some part of us lives on.” 
― Oswald Spengler 
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8. Social Freedom: Who cares what others think about you? 

Not afraid to be a little different, to stand out

Not afraid to be a little different and stand out

“I remember how frightened I was to say to an intimate friend of mine, ‘I don’t really need you. I can be perfectly happy without you. And by telling you this I find I can enjoy your company thoroughly–no more anxieties, no more jealousies, no more possessiveness, no more clinging. It is a delight to be with you when I am enjoying you on a non-clinging basis. You’re free; so am I.’ ” – Anthony DeMello, Jesuit Priest from “Detachment” in his book “Awareness”

“Having a lot of money has nothing to do with being a success in life. You’re a success in life when you wake up! Then you don’t have to apologize to anyone, you don’t have to explain anything to anyone, you don’t give a damn what anybody thinks about you or what anybody says about you. You have no worries; you’re happy. That’s what I call being a success..” – Anthony DeMello, “Obstacles to Happiness” in Awareness

“Letting go is the lesson. Letting go is always the lesson. Have you ever noticed how much of our agony is all tied up with craving and loss?” ― Susan Gordon Lydon, “The Knitting Sutra: Craft as a Spiritual Practice”

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson, “A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles”

“Why are trying so hard to fit in, when you’re born to stand out” -Unknown, From Erospainter.tumblr.com

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his opinions courageously and honestly.” –Albert Einstein, in a letter to a professor emeritus of philosophy at the College of the City of New York, defending the appointment of Bertrand Russell to a teaching position

“They will say you are on the wrong road, if it is your own.” –Antonio Porchia

9. Empathy

Dale Carnegie, author of the classic: "How To Win Friends and Influence People."

Dale Carnegie, author of the classic: “How To Win Friends and Influence People.”

If there is any one secret to success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.” – Henry Ford

“We are interested in others when they are interested in us.”– Publilis Syrus, Roman Poet

“The desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature.” – John Dewey

“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” – William James

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.”  ~Voltaire

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  Maya Angelou

“ Inside the heart of each and every one of us there is a longing to be understood by someone who really cares. When a person is understood, he or she can put up with almost anything in the world.” – Unknown, from Erospainter.tumblr.com

“Always make the other person feel important…All of us want to feel important. We don’t want empty flattery, but we do want recognition of our worth…So let’s obey the Golden Rule, and give unto others what we would have others give unto us…How? When? Where? The answer is: All the time, everywhere.” – Dale Carnegie, “How to Win Friends” page 100-101.

“Your highest self only wants you to be at peace. It does not judge, compare or demand that you defeat anyone, or be better than anyone. It only wants you to be at peace. Whenever you are about to act, ask yourself this question: “Is what I am about to say or do going to bring me peace?” If the answer is yes, then go with it and you will be allowing yourself the wisdom of your highest self. If the answer is no, then remind yourself that it is your ego at work.

“The ego promotes turmoil because it wants to substantiate your separateness from everyone, including God. It will push you in the direction of judgment and comparison, and cause you to insist on being right and best. You know your highest self by listening to the voice that only wants you to be at peace.” – Wayne Dyer, “Manifest Your Destiny,” p. 21. 

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. 
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
 If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
 The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. 
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” 
― Kent M. Keith

“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.” 
 Mahatma Gandhi

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” 
 Martin Luther King, Jr., “A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches

“It is easy to kill someone with a slash of a sword. It is hard to be impossible for others to cut down” – Yagyu Munenori

“Master the divine techniques of the Art of Peace and no enemy will dare to challenge you.” – Ueshiba

“Nothing is so strong as gentleness. Nothing is so gentle as real strength.” – Frances de Sales

“Victory goes to the one who has no thought of himself.”– Shinkage School of Swordsmanship

“Youth ends when egotism does; maturity begins when one lives for others.” ― Herman Hesse, “Gertrude”

II. OUTER-GAME

Master Yoda showing how Outer-game is based on a strong Inner-game

Master Yoda showing how Outer-game is based on a strong Inner-game

1O. Qualify

Be the selector. Qualify her.

Be the selector. Be choosy. Qualify her.

“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind.” – William Shakespeare, “A Midsummer Night’s Dream

“Tell me what a man finds sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life. Show me the woman he sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself….. The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer—because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement, not the possession of a brainless slut.” – Ayn Rand, “Atlas Shrugged”

“Some (women) look fierce, but are mild. Some seem timid, but are vicious. Look beyond appearances; position yourself for the advantage.” – Deng Ming-Dao

11. Philosophers on Seduction

Jean Baudrillard, 1929 - 2007. French philosopher and author of "Seduction."

Jean Baudrillard, 1929 – 2007. French philosopher and author of “Seduction.”

Challenge, and not desire, lies at the heart of seduction.” – Jean Baudrillard

“Whenever I call upon a woman I never fail to take with me a little whip.” ~ Nietzsche

And because she’s served with all the attentions due to a god by a lover who is not pretending otherwise but is truly in the throes of love, and because she’s disposed to be a friend of the man who’s serving her (even if she… initially rejects the lover)… she lets the man spend time with her. It is a decree of fate, you see, that bad is never friends with bad, while good cannot fail to be friends with good.

Now that she allows her lover to talk and spend time with her, and the man’s good will is close at hand, the girl is amazed by it as she realizes that all the friendship she has… is nothing compared to that of this friend who’s inspired by a god. After the lover has spent some time doing this, staying near the girl (even touching her… on occasions), then the spring… named ‘Desire’… begins to flow mightily in the lover and is partly absorbed by her, and when she is filled, it overflows and runs away outside her.

Think how a breeze or an echo bounces back from a smooth solid object to its source; that is how the stream of beauty goes back to the beautiful girl and sets her aflutter. It enters through her eyes, which are its natural route to the soul; there it waters the passages for the wings, starts the wings growing, and fills the soul of the loved one with love in return.

Then the girl is in love, but has no idea what she loves. She does not understand, and cannot explain, what has happened to her. It is as if she had caught an eye disease from someone else, but could not identify the cause; she does not realize that she is seeing herself in the lover as in a mirror.

So when the lover is near, the girl’s pain is relieved just as the lover’s is, and when they are apart she yearns as much as she is yearned for, because she has a mirror image of love in him–‘back love’– though she neither speaks nor thinks of it as love, but as friendship.

Still, her desire is nearly the same as her lover’s, though weaker: he wants to see, touch, kiss, and lie down with her; and of course, as you might expect, she acts on these desires soon after they occur.. Meanwhile… swelling with desire, confused, she hugs her lover and kisses him in delight at his great good will. And whenever they are lying together she’s completely unable, for her own part, to deny the lover any favor he might beg to have…

Now if victory goes to the better elements in both their minds… their life here below is one of bliss and shared understanding.”  – Plato, “Phaedrus,” 255a – 256a

“For among animals the principle is the same as with us, and mortal nature seeks so far as possible to live forever and be immortal. And this is possible in one way only: reproduction, because it always leaves behind a new young one in place of the old. …it is for the sake of immortality that everything shows this zeal, which is Love. Look, if you will, how human beings seek honor… wanting to be famous and ‘to lay glory immortal forever.’ I believe that anyone will do anything for the sake of immortal virtue and the glorious fame that follows; and the better the people, the more they will do, for they are all in love with immortality.”  — Plato, “Symposium” 207d – 208e  Everyone wants to feel important. She has that same vulnerable human need just like you.

12. From The Seduction Community

Two of the biggest figures in the seduction community: Neil Strauss ("Style") and Erik Von Markovik ("Mystery")

Two of the biggest figures in the seduction community: Neil Strauss (“Style”) and Erik Von Markovik (“Mystery”)

“…women have a ‘shadow’ or dark side. This dark side is secretly wanting a man that is in control of himself, his reality, and them. But they’d never admit it – often not even to themselves.” – David DeAngelo, “Double Your Dating,” p. 13

“Females select males most of the time in nature… Sooooooo… when talking to women… point out that you are the selector and not the selectee… It points out something to the woman that she’s most likely NEVER HEARD FROM A MAN IN HER ENTIRE LIFE.” – David DeAngelo, p. 10 – 11, “Double Your Dating”

“(Helitzer) said (in “Comedy Writing Secrets”) that most of being funny is the CHARACTER and not the jokes. The lines didn’t much matter, as long as they fit in with the character. Now that I have created this CHARACTER for myself, things are all different. Women now call me. They pursue me. They want to be around me. It’s strange and magical and weird.” – David DeAngelo, p. 52, “Double Your Dating”

“3 things girls look for most in a man: a great smile, to be made to laugh, to feel a connection.” 

~ Mystery, from a Fall 1998 post, extracted from: “Mystery’s Field Reports from 1998-2006,” bonus ebook with “Revelations.” The Reports were written before Mystery invented The Mystery Method while he was learning about women. In this quote, he was still figuring out how to be successful with women. During a game called “Hot Seat” with some girls at a party, they said this to him. It gave him an “aha” moment.

“SIX CHARACTERISTICS OF AN ALPHA MALE: (Parentheses indicate my own comments.) 

1. The number one characteristic of an alpha male is the smile. Smile when you enter a room. As soon as you walk in a club, the game is on. And by smiling, you look like you’re together, you’re fun, and you’re somebody.  

2. Be well-groomed. Have your fashion together: wear at least one interesting item of clothing. If you look average, you’re going to get average girls. Alpha males don’t blend in, they stand out. (Shower. Soap yourself at least three times to smell really clean. Brush your teeth. Make sure your breath smells good. Carry gum if you have to. Put on a great smelling deodorant. If you’re going to put on cologne, make sure it’s just a DAB. At the very least, dress the best you can.)

3. “Possess a sense of humor.” (Negs are a great way to make women laugh.) 

4. “Connect with people.” (Don’t do all the talking. Listen. Put yourself in their shoes. Also, at bottom, every person wants to feel important. Don’t knock people down. Make people feel important.) 

5. “Be the social center of a room. There are the observers and the observed. Be the observed.” The three second rule isn’t just opening the first attractive women you see. It means opening the first people you see period. (Talk to everyone, even if it’s a simple “How’s your night going?” Bartenders, Bouncers, ugly girls, guys. Be the social center of a room.) 

6. “Confidence.” Speaking slowly and enthusiastically is a sign of confidence. (Confidence comes from competence. You’re the prize. You’re the selector. Not her. If you don’t know this about yourself yet,) Fake it till you make. (Dwell on your positive attributes and your accomplishments not your drawbacks and failures. Keep telling yourself you’re the catch and she’s lucky talking with you. That belief translates into confidence. And women will smell it off you like cologne.) -Mystery, From “The Game,” by Neil Strauss, p. 21-22.

“THE BASIC FORMAT TO ALL APPROACHES: 

1. Smile when you walk into a room. See the group with the target and follow the three-second rule. Do not hesitate–approach instantly. 

2. Recite a memorized opener, if not two or three in a row. 

3. The opener should open the group, not just the target. When talking, ignore the target for the most part. If there are men in the group, focus your attention on the men. 

4. Neg the target with one of the slew of negs we’ve come up with. Tell her, “It’s so cute. Your nose wiggles when you laugh.” Then get her friends to notice and laugh about it. 

5. Convey personality to the entire group. Do this by using stories, magic, anecdotes, and humor. Pay particular attention to the men and the less attractive women. During this time, the target will notice that you are the center of attention. You may perform various memorized pieces like the photo routine, but only for the obstacles. 

6. Neg the target, if appropriate. If she wants to look at the pictures, for example, say “Oh my god, she’s so grabby. How do you roll with her?” 

7. Ask the group, “So, how does everyone know each other?” If the target is with one of the guys, find out how long they’ve been together. 

8a. If it’s a serious relationship, eject politely by saying, “Pleasure meeting you.” 

8b. If she is not spoken for, say to the group, “I’ve sort of been alienating your friend. Is it all right if I speak to her for a couple of minutes?” They always say, “Uh, sure. If it’s okay with her.” If you’ve executed the preceding steps correctly, she will agree. 

9. Isolate her from the group by telling her you want to show her something cool. Take her to sit with you nearby. As you lead her through the crowd, do a kino test by holding her hand. If she squeezes back, it’s on. Start looking for other IOIs. 

10. Sit with her and perform a rune reading, an ESP test, or any other demonstration that will fascinate and intrigue her. 

11. Tell her, “Beauty is common but what’s rare is a great energy and outlook on life. Tell me, what do you have inside that would make me want to know you as more than a mere face in the crowd?” If she begins to list qualities, this is a positive IOI. 

12. Stop talking. Does she reinitiate the chat with a question that begins with the word “So?” If she does, then you’ve now seen three IOIs and can… 

13. Kiss close. Say, out of the blue, “Would you like to kiss me?” If the setting or circumstances aren’t conducive to physical intimacy, then give yourself a time constraint by saying, “I have to go, but we should continue this.” Then get her number and leave.” – Mystery, From “The Game,” by Neil Strauss, p. 35

“I needed to let her know that unlike every other guy in the bar, I am not and will not be intimidated by her looks. Beauty to me was now a shit test: It weeded out the losers who got dumbstruck by it.” – Neil Strauss, p. 152, “The Game”

“The key to attraction is banter. What is banter? It’s playful dominance. Banter is play fighting.” ~Lance Mason

“If you cut through the B.S. exterior of a pretty woman’s faux social persona, she’s just an average girl… There’s inherently nothing different between an average looking girl and a really beautiful one. Deep down they are still a woman and need loving.”  ~ Rion Williams, p.227 “Men’s Guide to Women”

“First, she needs to feel appreciated for the unique individual that she is. She needs to feel special, unlike any other woman, and she needs to know that her man supports her in her endeavors. 

Second, she needs to feel that deep, intimate emotional connection. She needs to have that emotional intimacy with her man. It’s a connection she shares only with him. 

Third, she needs to feel like a woman. She needs to feel beautiful, sexy, and feminine. She needs to enjoy all those things that come with being a woman. 

Finally, she needs hot, passionate sex. She needs to be seduced, enticed, teased, and satisfied, over and over again. She needs to experience new things, in new ways, including fantasies and roles. It makes her feel desired, affirmed, and alive.” – David Shade, “The Secrets of Female Sexuality,” p. 51.

13. On Seduction and Sex

Sex... oh yeah

Sex… oh yeah

“If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing slowly … very slowly.” – Unknown, From Erospainter.tumblr.com

The best sex takes place in the mind first” – Jenna Jameson, How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale

“Have you ever heard of the expression, ladies first” “Yes” “Well, it’s truer in bed than it is anywhere else.” – Sherrilyn Kenyon, Born of Fire

Credit: getleanstaykeen.tumblr.com

Credit: getleanstaykeen.tumblr.com

“However, they’ve never really had the effect on her of knowing what a nice slow tease can do. She started paying much more attention to the scenes before the actions, as she got older, because the flirting did so much more for her than the actual activity. She fantasized about his shirt coming off, or the brushing of the hair of another girl. Maybe her hand running along the side another woman. Or as she felt up her lover laying next to her as he feels her up through her slip. It was something she needed for herself to experience. Sex was all good, but in the end, it’s the tease. Sex the dessert to end a great meal. Without the appetizer of the flirting and that main course of seduction, she starved for much more than she actually got.” – From Erospainter.tumblr.com, uncited source

“From her “do as you are told” Journal: As we walking through the parking lot of the restaurant you whisper in my ear, “Little One I want your panties right now.” I feel my pulse beginning to increase at the thought. I look around as I begin to slide my underwear down my legs. I wonder if anyone is watching me. The thought brings on a rush of wetness between my legs. As I straighten my dress, you take my arm pulling me close. You tell me, “Good girl, now make sure you keep those legs open for me during dinner,” I know it is going to be a very interest meal.” – From Erospainter.tumblr.com

14. On Women

Women... yum.

Women… yum.

You have wished to give her good manners, as if a young girl’s happiness were not inseparable from debauchery and immorality” – Marquis de Sade (1740-1814), French author. Dolmancé, in “Dialogue the Seventh,” Philosophy in the Bedroom (1795). Real name: Comte Donatien-Alphonse-François.

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.”  – Anais Nin, unknown source, From Erospainter.tumblr.com

“Man can never know the loneliness a woman knows. Man lies in the woman’s womb only to gather strength, he nourishes himself from this fusion, and then he rises and goes into the world, into his work, into battle, into art. He is not lonely. He is busy. The memory of the swim in amniotic fluid gives him energy, completion. Woman may be busy too, but she feels empty. Sensuality for her is not only a wave of pleasure in which she is bathed, and a charge of electric joy at contact with another. When man lies in her womb, she is fulfilled, each act of love a taking of man within her, an act of birth and rebirth, of child rearing and man bearing. Man lies in her womb and is reborn each time anew with a desire to act, to be. But for woman, the climax is not in the birth, but in the moment man rests inside of her.” 
― Anais Nin, “The Diary of Anais Nin, Vol. 1: 1931-1934, From Erospainter.tumblr.com 

“Women love passion, and they love being around dominant men who are passionate. My Master is a passionate dominant. He makes loving me fun. As my Dominant he is adventurous and highly sensual. That’s why I and so many other women are attracted to him. The D/ is passionate about what they are… and about what they possess; it is a passion so strong; reaching beyond the realms of the meta-physical; they are sexually stimulating both mentally and physically past the point of physical arousal; processing the power of mental sexual arousal. The Master’s power exists in that of the heart and mind. With his power, he controls the art of deep rapport, the power of attraction and is an expert at seduction; removing inhibition and sexual resistance effortlessly without objection. The Master is her greatest lover; sexually stimulating her mentally and physically during sex. The Master discovers positions to make her cum fast. He takes advantage of sensual pillow talk, he maneuvers his hands, tells her how to go down on him; each proven to makes her cum over and over again during sex. When the dominant’s strategy is executed properly she will orgasm at any time. He makes domination not about achieving his end pleasure results; domination is, and has to be defined; it is about the strategy, execution and delivery of her; accomplishing the task of the art of sensual seduction and completing the benevolent female pleasure of orgasm. When he is not present with her the Dominate will escalate her mentally; instantly arousing her in a matter of seconds with proper erotic talk to get her soaking wet with his voice and her fingers. Using his power and only his voice he speaks to her arousing her with his kisses, he whispers of her neck line, tells of her breast and the nipple, he commands to her what clothing to remove; her shirt, bra or her panties and she does not resist. Women who are submissive are naturally and gravitate to the one who is the leader or one who can dominate her reality; therefore by having a strong dominate imagery eases her into your reality. Being dominated is also a huge turn on to women. Dominant’s who are strong in their convictions about sexuality encourage the release of sexual energy deepfrom within; preventing her from being inside her head. His conviction allows her to be focused on the positive feelings and emotions he has created; a passion invoking emotion. The Master or dominant maintains a character that is the same for all people who are passionate in that they desire and live in their moments and desire others to follow their hearts. Each of us live to have exciting lives with fun and plenty of adventure. The attractive traits of my Master align with my identity and who I am. I am a mirror to him. He explores my traits that are of value to him creating the control to be a part of my reality. Thus our passions are synchronized creating the human elements of nitrogen and oxygen to formulate the chemistry of love and passions of our heart.” – From Erospainter.tumblr.com

“When a woman submits to a man, it’s the most precious gift she can give. Herself. Unreservedly. The man has to respect and honor that gift above all else. Even if he respects nothing else in the world, he must respect the woman in his care. It’s his sworn duty to protect, honor and cherish his submissive. To take care of her and provide a safe haven. Someone who would put his own needs above his woman’s is no man.”
― Maya Banks, “Sweet Addiction” From Erospainter.tumblr.com 

“I am a submissive woman. I am proud to call myself that. My submission is a gift that I do not give lightly, and can only be given to one who can appreciate that gift and return it tenfold. Only to he who has that strength will I give myself fully, because I am strong and proud. I am a submissive woman.” – From Erospainter.tumblr.com

“I just want to say one thing. If I ever write a novel again, it’s going to be in defense of weak women, inept and codependent women. I’m going to talk about all the great movies and songs and poetry that focus on such women. I’m going to toast Blanche DuBois. I’m going to celebrate women who aren’t afraid to show their need and their vulnerabilities. To be honest about how hard it can be to plow your way through a life that offers no guarantees about anything. I’m going to get on my metaphorical knees and thank women who fall apart, who cry and carry on and wail and wring their hands because you know what, Midge? We all need to cry. Thank God for women who can articulate their vulnerabilities and express what probably a lot of other people want to say and feel they can’t. Those peoples’ stronghold against falling apart themselves is the disdain they feel for women who do it for them. Strong. I’m starting to think that’s as much a party line as anything else ever handed to women for their assigned roles. When do we get respect for our differences from men? Our strength is our weakness. Our ability to feel is our humanity. You know what? I’ll bet if you talk to a hundred strong women, 99 of them would say ‘I’m sick of being strong. I would like to be cared for. I would like someone else to make the goddamn decisions, I’m sick of making decisions.’ I know this one woman who’s a beacon of strength. A single mother who can do everything – even more than you, Midge. I ran into her not long ago and we went and got a coffee and you know what she told me? She told me that when she goes out to dinner with her guy, she asks him to order everything for her. Every single thing, drink to dessert. Because she just wants to unhitch. All of us dependent, weak women have the courage to do all the time what she can only do in a restaurant.”
― Elizabeth Berg, “Home Safe,” From Erospainter.tumblr.com 

“It’s very difficult being a woman. It’s very difficult being a man too, I realize, but this is a book about women. Sam Keen wrote a book about men, which he called Fire in the Belly. My friend Tara called me up one day and told me she wanted to write a companion volume, Volcano in the Uterus. I laughed when she said that, but inside I was thinking and Catastrophes in the Breasts and Terror in the Ovaries … More women cry, loudly or silently, every fraction of every moment, in every town of every country, than anyone—man or woman—realizes. We cry for our children, our lovers, our parents, and ourselves. We cry in shame because we feel no right to cry, and we cry in peace because we feel it’s time we did cry. We cry for the world. Yet we think we cry alone. We feel that no one hears, that there is no listening that matters. And we must all listen now. We must hold the crying woman’s hand and minister to her tenderly, or she will turn—this collective feminine shadow self—into a monster who will go unheard no longer. This book is an effort to hear and understand her in today’s world, as she exists at this moment, imprisoned while still dressed in all her ancient, soiled regalia. She is like a child yet she is not a child. She is our mother, our daughter, our sister, our lover. She needs us now, and we need her. Womanhood today is tentative and unsure, a thing defined more by what it isn’t than by what it is. For some women, this is not a problem. They have risen above the complexities of society’s projections and misunderstandings and now fly high above the clouds. For most women, however, the resistances they encountered as they reached for the sky were so great that their wings have now drooped, and they try no longer.” – From Erospainter.tumblr.com, uncited source 

“Usually, when we think of power, we think of external power. And we think of powerful people as those who have made it in the world. A powerful woman isn’t necessarily someone who has money, but we think of her as someone with a boldness or a spark that makes her manifest in a dramatic way. When we think of a powerful man, we think of his ability to manifest abundance, usually money, in the world.Most people say that a powerful woman does best with a powerful man, that she needs someone who understands the bigness of her situation, a man who can meet her at the same or even greater level of power in the world. Now this is true, if power is defined as material abundance. A woman often faces cultural prejudice when she makes more money than a man, as does he. A woman who defines power by worldly standards can rarely feel totally relaxed in the arms of a man who doesn’t have it. If power is seen as an internal matter, then the situation changes drastically. Internal power has less to do with money and worldly position, and more to do than with emotional expansiveness, spirituality and conscious living… I used to think I needed a powerful man, someone who could protect me from the harshness and evils of the world. What I have come to realize is that…the powerful man I was looking for would be foremost, someone who supported me in keeping myself on track spiritually, and in so maintaining clarity within myself, that life would present fewer problems. When it did get rough, he would help me forgive. 
I no longer wanted somebody who would say to me, “Don’t worry honey, if they’re mean to you I’ll beat them up or buy them out.” Instead, I want someone who prays and meditates with me regularly so that fewer monsters from the outer world disturb me, and who when they do, helps me look within my own consciousness for answers, instead of looking to false power to combat false power.There’s a big difference between a gentle man and a weak man. Weak men make us nervous. Gentle men make us calm.” 
― Marianne Williamson, From Erospainter.tumblr.com

15. Relationship Maintenance

Relationship maintenance: keeping the spark alive

Relationship maintenance: keeping the spark alive

“Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness, 

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. 

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. 

Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. 

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. 

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, 

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. 

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. 

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together yet not too near together:

For the pillar of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadows.” – Kahlil Gibran, “On Marriage” from “The Prophet”

“Two people in love don’t make a hive mind. Neither should they want to be a hive mind, to think the same, to know the same. It’s about being separate and still loving each other, being distinct from each other. One is the violin string, one is the bow.” –Graham Joyce, “The Silent Land”

“Intimacy is based on shared vulnerability…nothing deepens intimacy like the experiences that we share when we feel flayed, with our skins off, scared and vulnerable, and our partner is there with us, willing to share in the scary stuff.” From Erospainter.tumblr.com, uncited source

“Two people in love don’t make a hive mind. Neither should they want to be a hive mind, to think the same, to know the same. It’s about being separate and still loving each other, being distinct from each other. One is the violin string, one is the bow.” –Graham Joyce, The Silent Land, From Erospainter.tumblr.com

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”  ― Elizabeth Gilbert, “Eat, Pray, Love” From Erospainter.tumblr.com  

III. MARTIAL ARTS

Yin-yang. A symbol associated with martial arts meaning balance.

Yin-yang. A symbol meaning balance. It’s been linked with the martial arts.

16. Martial Arts Quotes Relevant to Venusian Arts

“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s mind there are few” – Suzuki

“To practice Zen or the martial arts (& the Venusian Arts), you must live intensely, wholeheartedly, without reserve – as if you might die in the next instant” – Taisen Deshimaru

“Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself” – Chinese Proverb

“When the student is ready, the Master appears.” – Buddhist Proverb

“Ultimately, you must forget about technique. The further you progress, the fewer teachings there are. The Great Path is really NO PATH.” – Ueshiba Morihei

“When you aim for perfection, you discover it’s a moving target.” – Unknown

“SHUCHU RYOKU – Focus all your energy to one point.” – Shioda Gozo

“Now the reason the enlightened prince and the wise general (seduces his target) whenever they move and their achievements surpass those of ordinary men is foreknowledge.” – Sun Tzu

“If ignorant both of your ( target) and yourself, you are certain to be in peril.” – Sun Tzu

“Hence (to conquer women) in all your (approaches) is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in (attracting your target) without (trying, without thinking of her as an opponent).” – Sun Tzu

 

 

The Six Human Needs

Gotta share this awesome insight from Tony Robbins.

Tony Robbins Shallow Hal

Tony Robbins listening to Shallow Hal.

It not only helps with inner-game, it helps with relating with anyone, including… hot chicks. The idea: every human person has six basic human needs.

tumblr_m7iy6rfd7E1qzlro6o1_1280

The Six Human Needs: Certainty-Uncertainty; Importance-Connection; Giving-Growing

Now, before I dig into these, I’ve gotta share the story how Tony came up with the idea with you. ‘Cause it’s kinda cool.

How Tony Discovered This Idea

Tony had everything: riches, beautiful wife, world-leaders and world-class athletes seeking his help.

Tony Robbins On Stage

Tony was on top of the world but still felt despair.

But one day, before he was to board a plane to help another millionaire through some issues he was having, Tony felt like complete shit. He was like, “how am I gonna  help another when I’m having issues of my own?”

Oh, you’re asking why he was feeling like shit? Just discovered he had a tumor in his brain. Yeah, that’ll dampen your mood. All of a sudden, all the success in the world meant nothing. Because he wasn’t certain he was even going to live.

So, before he left for the airport, he went into the shower trying to figure out how he could shake off this funk he was in. He thought about what was really going on that was paralyzing him. Then he started thinking about what made all the people he met and helped who felt sad across the world from diverse cultures. A pattern emerged.

And he had an aha moment.

Aha Moment

Then he had an aha moment.

He realized everyone, no matter who they are, have six basic needs in common. And if these needs aren’t met, a person won’t feel happy. He could have everything in the world. If one of these are missing, he still won’t feel fulfilled.

Not all the needs were created equally, though. The last two needs are the most important. The first four have to do with ego-needs. The last two have to do with spiritual-needs.

Different people prefer the first four in different orders and in different combinations. They make the ego happy. But it’s the last two we need to be fulfilled (according to this idea at least).

Here they are:

First Two Needs: Certainty and Uncertainty

First, we need security…

Certainty and Uncertainty white pickett fence southern lagniappe

The symbol of security. We all need it.

…and we also need insecurity.

Certainty and Uncertainty Chaos

Chaos. We all need a little unpredictability, too.

Security has to do with knowing you have shelter, food on the table, health. You need basic, survival needs to be met. It’s almost like the first level of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs 1

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. The need for security/insecurity seem to correspond to Maslow’s “Basic Needs.”

At the same time, if we have too much security or certainty or predictability, things get boring. So, we also need insecurity as well.

We need variety and surprise to keep us awake, alert, adventurous.

We need both. We need both uncertainty and certainty.

Second Two Needs: Significance and Connection

Second, we need to feel important

Importance and Connection kind-of-a-big-deal

The Anchor Man feeling pretty damn significant. But it’s a need we all have: to feel important.

…and we also need to feel a sense of connection.

Importance and Connection

But there’s so much significance and individuation we can take. We also need a sense of connection, too.

The way philosopher William James put it: the deepest principle in human nature is to feel important.

William James Quote Deepest Principle

The needs for importance/connection (or love) seems to correspond to something philosopher William James once observed about human nature: all of us have a need to be appreciated.

Some examples: Look at us puas. A lot of us who got into pickup wanted to feel important. Tell me if you can relate. Part of us wanted to learn how to attract any woman we want because really we want to feel loved, or even important or appreciated.

Other examples: People who want to be famous want to feel important. People who want to win and get awards want to feel important. Achilles in Homer’s Illiad who chose a short life over a long life wanting glory over an anonymous life as a farmer wanted to be important. Celebrities, millionaires, people with high status, politicians and so forth who have distinguished themselves in some way were probably driven by this need for esteem.

Still more examples: Guys who get into gangs and threaten some poor victim at gun point. Gives them a rush of power. And importance.

Here’re some others: People who brag. People who put down others.

And even people who say please and thank-you and show kindness to each other. They’re all ways to make others or one’s self feel important.

We all need appreciation, acknowledgment, respect, praise, to feel important. Without it, we feel insignificant, like we don’t matter, like we have no value.

However, if we feel TOO important and feel TOO distinguished and TOO individuated, problems also arise.

For example, you’ll hear celebrities talk about how lonely they feel. They can’t even go out into a grocery store without being adulated. They lose a sense of connection.

michael-jackson in disguise

Michael Jackson in disguise. He had so much significance and individuation he felt separated from the world. He’d express feeling loneliness and a longing for connection.

Or a person might be so filled with self-importance, he acts like a prick and treats everyone like garbage. Again, those who murder another for attention and power take this need too far.

Basically, when we feel the distinctiveness of our individual self too much, we lose connection with other human beings. We become separate selves, and that takes us away from love and empathy.

So, that’s the fourth human need. We need love, that feeling of human connection, of empathy, of relationship. This balances out our need to feel important.

Conversely, if we’ve lost too much of ourselves in a relationship and we feel like we have no voice or identity, we need to feel important or a sense of individuation or identity to balance this fourth need out, too.

Again, the first four needs are more like ego or personality needs. They feel good. Different people prefer one of these four needs more than others. One might want to feel important the most. Another might want security the most.

Either way, let’s say we get everything our ego wishes for. Well, according to Tony, we still won’t feel a deeper fulfillment. We could still feel a darkness. And that’s where the last two needs come in.

They’re primary essential. They’re needs of the spirit. They’re what bring fulfillment. Even if we fill the first four needs and have accomplished a shit load, if we don’t meet these last two needs, we’ll still feel lost, unfulfilled, even depressed.

Third Two Needs: Giving and Growing

The last two needs is the need to give…

Actor Robin Williams Helps Build Homes

Giving: we all have a need to contribute. Here Robin Williams is giving to a community by building homes with Habitat For Humanity.

and the need to grow.

Giving and Growing buddha quote love and understanding

And we have a need to grow.

Growing means: learning, improving, becoming more and more aware. Aware of yourself as in the old Socratic saying “know thyself,” sifting away the clouds of ignorance. Awareness is probably the real goal of all spiritualities, religions, sciences, philosophies. If these don’t help us to grow in awareness, they’re useless.

Giving means: showing love, kindness, respect to all life, to your friends, to your enemies. Contributing. Helping others. Serving a greater good than yourself.

There’s an old story about Michael J. Fox. Before he learned he had Parkinsons, he had the fanciest car, the nicest house, money, status, fame. But he said he was unhappy. It wasn’t until he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s and began contributing to a cause larger than himself that he snapped out of his unhappiness, and felt like his life had meaning.

michael j fox in congress

Michael J. Fox once said he didn’t feel a sense of fulfillment until he was making a contribution to society. He said he didn’t get that sense of fulfillment from fame and fortune alone.

There’s something about contributing and loving that breaks us out of the shell of the ego. The shell that the Buddha once said causes all of suffering. Serving a purpose higher than ourselves breaks us from these shackles. That’s one reason why as a pua it’s so important to give back and to always leave a woman better off than your found her, you know treat everyone you come across with love and respect.

But Tony doesn’t stop there. He takes all this a step further. He says you can divide all human experience into four classes…

The Four Classes of Experience: Despair To Happiness

The first class, fulfillment and happiness, is when you meet all six needs. The second class isn’t bad. It’s when you’re feeling pain, but you’re about to make a breakthrough in life, or a transformation. It’s kind of like growing pains. Being in a cocoon before bursting free. But the third and fourth classes is where unhappiness lie.

Here they are:

First Class Experience: you do things that feel good, that are good for you, serves others, and serves the greater good.

Experience First Teaching

The First Class of Experience: feeling good and serving a greater good. Robin Williams’s character from “Dead Poets” society loved teaching and it also served a greater good.

Second Class Experience: you do things that feel bad, but are good for you, serves others, and serves the greater good.

Experience Second Abu

Second Class Experience: painful lessons, growing pains, and doing the right thing even though you don’t want to. Here, Abu from Disney’s Aladdin didn’t want to give his bread away, but he did anyway.

Third Class Experience: you do things that feel good, but they’re not good for you, they don’t serve others, and they don’t serve the greater good.

Experience Third large_junkfood

Third Class Experience: doing what feels good, but not serving a greater good.

Fourth Class Experience: you do things that feel bad, and they’re not good for you, don’t serve others, and don’t serve the greater good.

Experience Fourth Crack

Fourth Class Experience: Doing stuff that doesn’t really feel good and doesn’t serve a greater good either.

Okay, okay, you’re saying. What the hell does this have to do with attracting and succeeding with women? Like I said at the beginning of this, this not only helps with inner-game but also in how to have kick-ass relations with anyone, including women.

How This All Relates To Attracting Women

‘Cause the ultimate attractive man doesn’t sit on the couch munching Doritos and playing video games all day. He makes giving and and growing his priority. He does things that put him into the first and second class of experience.

tumblr_m2n4elGrlS1ru4e5ho1_500

Yes, this is here for eye candy. But the words are relevant, too. Right?

And here’s the cool thing. If you feel good from within, you naturally emit good feeling, and you can give “feeling good” to others. When she feels “feeling good” around you, she feels pleasure and links pleasurable feelings with you. And we’re all attracted to pleasure, right? You might even say attracting women really starts from within, from getting your inner-game together.

The other four needs teaches us about outer-game. That is, if you were to consciously meet her first four “ego” needs, you’d draw her to the pleasurable feelings she’s feeling around you.

For example, make her feel important (appreciate her) AND honestly connect with her. Give her a sense of safety, security, protection AND unpredictability, like surprising her, sweeping her off her feet, making her laugh.

What about meeting her two “spiritual” needs?

Well, she can only walk through that door herself. That’s something only we ourselves can do.

Conclusion

Anyway, those are the six human needs. Again, the last two needs can strengthen our inner game. The first four human needs can help us look beyond a women’s physical beauty, and connect to the human being inside her.

If you want to learn more about the spiritual (or “inner-game”) needs of growing and giving I’d recommend these two phenomenal books: “Awareness & The Way To Love,” by Jesuit priest Anthony DeMello, and “How To Want What You Have,” by psychologist Timothy Miller.

As for how to meet a woman’s first four needs, that’s what game is all about.

Flirt and play-fight to meet her need for unpredictability. Build comfort and BE (not just demo) the DHV switch of a protector and survivor to meet her need for security or survival.

Qualify and appreciate her to meet her need to feel acknowledged. Create an emotional connection with her to meet her need for connection.

And let me ask you with these last three questions:

  • What’s something you love to do that helps your growth and serves a greater good?
  • How can you start giving and showing more love to others, rather than just serving the ego?
  • What’s something you hate to do but helps your growth and serves a greater good?
  • What’s something you love to do that doesn’t help your growth or serve a greater good?

Together, you and I, if we can weed out what’s not serving our growth and what’s not serving others… and if we can do more of what serves the greater good… we’ll be on the path towards that first-class kind of experience Tony was talking about.

Then maybe we can share the light we feel inside with any beautiful women we meet might along our way.

Here’s a Ted Talk where Tony talks about these needs. Check it out (about 22 min):

 
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Posted by on September 9, 2014 in Home, Inner, Principles of Attraction, Quotes

 

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Is The Mystery Method Obsolete? The Answer: No Way

Mystery and two girls

INTRODUCTION

There’s a lot out there about how the Mystery Method’s obsolete.

It’s always easier to judge something on the surface. It makes you feel righteous and superior. But that’s vulgar understanding, and it always misunderstands. Real understanding looks for the good, and isn’t quick to throw things into moralistic categories. It’s harder to do, but you get closer to reality.

Now, let me say here at the outset. I’m not saying the Mystery Method is the “one and only” method. Of course there’re always more than one way to do something. But some methods work better than others. I know MM works. In my experience, it’s the fundamentals of game. And that’s the case I’d like to make to you below.

hercules-1997-movie-review-phil-training-hercules-zero-to-hero-danny-devito-tate-donovan
Here’s Phil showing Hercules the fundamentals. I could almost hear him echoing Michael Jordan’s words: “Get away from fundamentals… the bottom can fall out of your game. Get the fundamentals down and the level of everything you do will rise. Once you’ve got the fundamentals down, you’ve got a solid foundation to build on.” 

Why would some say it’s obsolete then? They’re victims of marketing. Marketers are usually the ones saying the Mystery Method’s obsolete.

Marketers love the word “new.” So do customers. When we see words like: “My NEW product and method is improved!” We want it more.

By saying one method’s out-of-date, marketers attempt to link pain with it. By saying “their” method is up-to-date and better, they attempt to link pleasure with it. To make you buy.

It’s the old case of tear down the “popular” guy to make yourself look more desirable. Very sportsman-like. Not.

And for guys who want to learn how to be more successful with women, these marketing messages just ends up confusing us. Worse, we’ll buy the “new, shinny” product, and it sucks.

So, let me kill this completely false message the Mystery Method’s obsolete. I want to assure you not to be fooled. Fundamentals don’t go obsolete.

To do this, I wrote a fictionalized dialogue between “Introverted Playboy” and I. It was based on a real-life spat. He’s another blogger, and he had commented on this video I had posted.

By the way, he recently changed his blogging name to Justin Attraction, and he now goes by that name. That was about two or three weeks ago (about 7/20/14 or and it’s 8/7/14 now). But because I had been working on this post before he changed his name (since about the end of May), I kept his old one below.

Anyway, you’ll see both our points-of-view below.

Warning: what I wrote might be a little long. Okay, no, it IS long. So, you might wanna grab a cold one. Along the way, we’ll definitely nail down the fundamentals of game.

The Introverted Playboy, now known as “Justin Attraction.” The dialogue below is between him and me.

Quick note about “Introverted Playboy/Justin Attraction” Respect to him. He’s an author and a coach. He’s smart, he puts out sound stuff, and he gets great testimonials. He’s off-base to claim MM is obsolete, but respect still goes out to him.

Anyway, back to you. I hope I’ve portrayed his viewpoint fairly, so you can decide the question yourself.

What I think you’ll see is this: these marketing messages are intellectual masturbation. Useless in the real world, with the added bonus of being paralyzing.

Worse, I can’t help wonder if those who’ve been duped by the hype have even tried MM? And justify their fear of not trying it with these rationalizations? I don’t know.

Check it out for yourself. If nothing else, I pasted some cool pics and videos into the post. If you don’t want to read all this, I don’t blame you, but check those out. I think you’ll still get a sense of the argument.

Again, the argument: MM isn’t obsolete because they go over the fundamentals of game.

CHAPTER ONE. MYSTERY METHOD ISN’T THE “ONE” WAY, BUT *IS* FLEXIBLE

Mystery Sat Night Mag

He’s gotten a lot of publicity, but that doesn’t mean his is the “only” way.

Introverted Playboy: Mystery had good ideas but most of them are obsolete.

Renaissan: You’re absolutely wrong. Most of Mystery’s ideas aren’t obsolete, because they’re about the fundamentals of pickup and seduction. Fundamentals don’t become obsolete.

IP: Well, much of it is.

Ren: Like what?

IP: That my method is THE method. That there’s only one way. To say “this is the only way” is simply wrong, because there’s more than one way.

Ren: There’s only one way? I wasn’t aware of that. Or that Mystery ever claimed that.

IP: Doesn’t the Mystery Method say you must approach indirectly?

Ren: Mystery prefers the indirect approach himself, but you can use MM with a direct opener, too. An approach depends on the context. If a woman’s alone, giving a compliment can work better than going direct. If she’s in a group indirect can be easier. I use a combination of direct and indirect approaches myself.

IP: How can you use both a direct and an indirect approach at the same time?

Ren: They’re a difference in energy. A direct opener’s sincere and serious. Again, it’s best done with one girl. An indirect opener’s a more playful energy. It’s targeted to more than one girl, or groups, because it doesn’t alienate anyone. The other advantage of going in with a playful energy is it lets you approach more sets.

That’s probably why Mystery likes the indirect approach best. It doesn’t alienate, and allows him to approach more.

Again, you can still do the Mystery Method with a direct opener.

IP: Well, his methods are marketed as the be-all and end-all of attraction and seduction.

Ren: It is? Wasn’t aware of that one either. Which specific marketers are you talking about? The marketing messages I see are the ones that diss the Mystery Method, not that it’s the be-all and end-all of attraction.

IP: Remember how MM was billed “how to get beautiful women into bed”? As if it was the final word in the matter? But what it really is, is: a highly specialized method for a particular kind of guy in a particular context.

Ren: Uh, that was the subtitle of of Mystery’s first book, yes.

Mystery Method Book

No where in this book, or in the subtitle of his book, does he claim to have the “only” way.

But who said it was the final word in the matter? I believe you added those words in yourself. I’ve read that book four times. Never saw that claim anywhere. Sounds like your own interpretation.

Also, if you ever listen to Mystery, you’ll hear him say he developed the method for himself, because it worked for him. He happened to teach it to other guys, and it caught on like wildfire. I’ve never heard him claim it’s the final word in the matter. I HAVE heard him say he’s excited to learn from other pickups artists, though.

What’s funny is many of those guys Mystery taught his method went on to open their own pickup companies. They then dissed MM saying it was obsolete and called their game “Natural.” *Cough* Vin DiCarlo and Gambler *Cough* Even though they’re super theoretical and use MM. Why? To make sales. It’s a marketing technique.

IP: Well, MM was developed for specific contexts. Night game in Los Angeles and Las Vegas mostly, and for the goal of dating women in the short-term. They don’t work in other contexts like daytime, shopping malls, low-energy situations, and for other goals like same night lays vs. long-term dating.

Ren: Hahahahaha! Oh, you’re serious. Um, no. Mystery has approached women all over the world, in the day, in the night, high-energy places, low-energy places. He’s gotten same night lays, he’s had long-term relationships. And obviously he used his method to do it.

Same with me. I’ve used MM in every context you can imagine. The mall, bars, coffee shops. I’ve had same night lays, threesomes, foursomes, picked up strippers. And I’m in New England, a completely different culture than LA or Vegas. MM works, man. Why? They’re about universals that cut across time and culture.

CHAPTER TWO. CAN GAME HAVE UNIVERSALS?

IP: We have to be very careful with the idea of “game universals.” What works for one guy may not work for another. MM is one style, one strategy, out of many that could work depending on a guy’s status, approaching different kinds of girls with different personalities. There’s more than one way to skin a cat.

Ren: There are many paths up a mountain, but you still need some basics to get to the top. In game, if you don’t have sexual tension, emotional connection, masculine energy, you ain’t going nowhere with a girl. Whatever your style of skinning a cat is, you’ve gotta have fundamentals. And fundamentals are what MM’s about.

IP: Okay, I agree there are some game universals. But we have to be careful. Style is a universal, peacocking is not. Flirting is a universal, negging and disqualification is not. Status is a universal, preselection is not.

Ren: Do you even know what peacocking, negging and preselection are?

1. Peacocking

This is peacocking. Wear one or two interesting items of clothing. Here Johnny Depp wears an interesting bracelet, an interesting hat. His T-shirt and his jeans (that you can’t see in this pic) are “supporting” pieces.

IP: Peacocking is hilarious, and I guess it can be useful. But it’s basically dressing really weird and bizarre to stand out.

Ren: A common misperception. Peacocking is one of the basics of style. Which is wear one or two interesting items of clothing with supporting pieces. A supporting piece can be a pair of jeans, or a shirt, nothing that stands out. An interesting item is something that stands out, like a necklace or even a cool tie. Something that makes you go “wow” or “that’s kinda different” or “that’s pretty cool.”

It’s a basic of style because, these one or two items make you stand out from the herd of generic, Mr. Nice Guys who dress the same. You don’t have to go nuts here. Peacocking just shows you’ve got an edge and the balls to be a little different. That’s an attractive attitude to communicate through your clothing.

Bonus: they make great icebreakers, too. If you’re wearing a cool necklace or an interesting hairdo, you’ll find girls will opening you. “Cool tie,” she might say.

Just because Mystery has his own unique kind of style doesn’t mean you have to dress exactly like him. You can model other stylish people, a movie star you admire, a rock star you like, a character from a movie you’d like to be like. The point’s to break out of the generic Mr Nice Guy clothing, and take a few chances.

Okay, what about negging. What’s your understanding of that?

2. Negs

A classic quote about teasing from Mystery

Below’s a classic example of play-fighting (or negging) — done with music!

IP: It disqualifies yourself from being a potential suitor. They can take the form of subtle insults to lower a girl’s self-esteem.

Ren: God, no! Another misunderstanding. You’re right they’re meant to disqualify you from being a potential suitor, you’re wrong to say they’re meant to lower girl’s self-esteem. Negs is just banter, man. No big thing.

They’re like what the philosopher Baudrillard once said about seduction:

“Challenge, not desire, is the key to seduction.”

jean baudrillard

Jean Baudrillard, the French postmodern philosopher (1927-2007). His most famous book is “Simulacra and Simulation,” but he also wrote a book called “Seduction.”

It’s making yourself into a bit of a challenge.

Animals play-fight with each other all the time.

Play-fighting. What negging is.

That’s what negs are. Play-fighting. It’s HARMLESS.

Or, it’s like one of my favorite quotes from the movie Tao of Steve:

“We purse that which retreats from us.”

Negs really negate yourself, not her. It’s about pulling away from her to draw her in.

Probably the best thing they do is

It’s the complete opposite of what most other guys do when they:

  • ask “can I buy you a drink?”
  • ask “so where are you from?”
  • tell a girl “you’ve got great tits, wanna fuck?”
  • give her a bunch of generic compliments: “you’re so pretty.”
  • get obsessed with “that one girl”…

Instead, a neg does two things:

  1. communicates to her friends: “I’m not after your hot friend,” or as you said it “disqualifies you from being a potential suitor.” At the same time you…
  2. play-fight with the hot friend, creating sexual tension with her.

It’s FLIRTING. The argument’s over a word, a label.

Mystery coined the term “neg” for play-fighting, banter, playing hide ’n’ seek, catch me if you can. Whatever you call it. For what you do when you create sexual tension.

To her friends it looks like you’re not getting along, and their “bitch shields” don’t activate. But below the surface you and your target are feeling this sexual charge.

Awesome, right?

You can see negs in romantic comedies. In the beginning the two leads usually don’t get along. Their playful conflict and dissonance creates chemistry. Later they fall in love.

EXAMPLES OF ROMANTIC COMEDIES WHERE THE LEADS DON’T GET ALONG AT FIRST BUT FALL IN LOVE LATER (i.e. “negs”)

Rom Com 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

Rom Com Clueless 1995

Clueless (1995)

Rom Com How to lose a guy in 10 days 2003

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days (2003)

Rom Com The Proposal 2009

The Proposal (2009)

Rom ComWhen harry met sally

When Harry Met Sally (1989)

That’s what negs are. Playful conflict. It adds spice to an interaction.

It’s NEVER meant to insult women. If you insult a woman, you’re a dick and you’re doing it wrong. If she’s laughing and hitting your arm, well done. You’re negging on each other.

IP: I get that. But the problem with negs is that so much of a successful neg comes down to tone and the spirit you’re saying it with. The same exact line, spoken in one way will come across as insulting and arrogant, and in another way will be playful and fun.

Ren: So? Is that any reason not to try it? Because you might not get it “perfect” the first time? So what if you fuck up? That’s how we learn. By fucking up.

Besides, it’s such an easy fix.

Arrogant 2

If your attitude is one of an arrogant prick, of course negs aren’t gonna work. Be playful.

If you’re an arrogant shit and you look down on people, then ANYTHING you say will come off as arrogant and insulting. Negs aren’t the problem, then. It’s your attitude.

But if your attitude’s playful and positive, that is you feel great and want to share that great feeling with everyone else, that attitude will come off, too. Even better, as Lance Mason from “Art of Attraction” once said:

“Positive energy is the male equivalent of cleavage.”

806b8768cb4540286ccc2bfc758395ab

Having positive energy is the male equivalent of cleavage. It attracts.

The key to attraction is having a positive energy. That’s why smiling and laughter and giving “feeling good” and social freedom’s so important. It’s a pleasurable feeling that women’ll link to you.

But if your attitude’s playful, and all you want to do is put a smile on a girl’s face, and you don’t look down on people, that attitude will come off, too. It’ll be fun.

That problem you’re talking about has more to do with attitude, not negs.

I was nervous when I first tried negs, but the payoff’s been fantastic. It’s helped me cure my “nice guy syndrome,” become more assertive, be more playful, not to mention I’ve learned how to be funnier. Take the risk, break out of your comfort zone, and try ‘em. It’s worth it.

Negs, or being a playful challenge, is a fundamental to game.

IP: Well, what I don’t like is Mystery frames disqualification as utterly necessary. But in reality, tons of guys succeed by just being totally honest and direct about what they want.

They approach a girl, tell her she’s hot, escalate, and case closed. Disqualification is just one option. It works in some cases, with some women, for some guys. It’s not universally always true.

Ren: Wrong again. Like we talked about, you always need sexual tension. Tension comes from conflict, like tug-o-war. Tug-o-war doesn’t happen by saying to the other team “You guys are so strong and wonderful. I’ll surrender to you.” Then the rope goes all slack. No. Tug-o-war happens when both sides tug.

tugowar

Sexual tension is like playing tug-o-war. This picture is NOT an example of sexual tension. When sex or romance gets mixed in, the tug-o-war turns into sexual tension.

Don’t get me wrong. Being honest is great. I’m all for honesty. I’m honest and direct when I approach. But then I immediately inject some playful conflict, too. Otherwise the interaction becomes dull.

Also, when you pull away slightly, it creates want. What’s the nature of wanting?

Not having. When you have, the wanting goes away. So, being a bit of a challenge makes people want more. Again, it’s a fundamental of game.

Besides, who doesn’t enjoy some laughter, and that cliff-hanger feeling where you don’t know what’s going to happen next?

Okay, okay, okay. You’ve brought us back this issue of the direct versus indirect opener. Cool, whatever. You can do MM with a direct approach, no problem. You said tons of guys do go direct without any disqualification. Which guys did you have in mind?

IP: Tom ToreroJon MatrixYadJustin Wayne, the guys over at daygame.com, or even somebody like Chris Good Looking Loser. They all get hot girls without using MM. The evidence is there, dude.

Ren: Alright, let me watch those guys.

Each one of these guys approached ONE girl in the DAY. So, they opened with direct openers.

Ren: Every one of those guys approached ONE girl during the DAY. I thought we talked about this already. Of course, a direct approach IS more ideal in that context. If you’re going to approach groups of women, the game changes a bit.

Direct honesty is the way to go during the day. All I’m saying is it’s helpful to throw a little playful challenge in there, too. To make things interesting, to make her chase, to make her want.

IP: Well, here’s the other thing. Mystery’s game is so conversation-focused. There are tons of guys that focus on physical escalation, with minimal talking, and are successful.

Ren: I’m not sure who you have in mind, but I know Matador has a really physical game. And guess what? He was a student of Mystery’s. So what?

3. Quick Sex

jessica rabbit ugly

Why scrape the barrel…

jessica rabbit realistic

…when you could have this?

IP: Well, what if you’re looking for simple, quick sex, with little interest in getting to know a girl or developing a deep connection? Sometimes a girl’s horny and wants any guy to sleep with. You don’t need all these weird tactics. You just need to be in the right place at the right time.

Ren: So then you’d become the “player” without standards who sleeps with the first horny girl he sees. Neither talks to the other again. Basically “getting” sex for their own self-interest. And being as passive about as possible.

Awesome.

Why would you want to just go for anyone, like sloppy drunk chicks? MM’s designed to pick up quality girls, the 9’s and 10’s. And part of MM is to be selective about the women you have sex with, to have sex with a girl you’d actually want to see again.

But, hey, if you want to go for the 5’s and 6’s, you can still use MM, too.

For me, the point of learning game isn’t to scrape the barrel and get laid by just anyone, but to learn a life skill and grow as a man.

IP: And what if the 9 or 10 happens to be a sloppy drunk?

Ren: She won’t be much of a 9 or 10 anymore. And kinda illegal if you took her home.

IP: The idea that hot girls are fundamentally “different” from other girls is a common fallacy. The same woman can be all dolled up in a nightclub and get hit on by lots of guys, but then Sunday morning at the coffee shop with no makeup and sweats, suddenly she’s considered less hot. Same girl. All women function in the same way.

Ren: Women and men function in the same way because we’re all human and we all want love. Why stop there? But to ignore the fact that 9’s and 10’s get more attention is just ignoring reality.

Girls who get more attention, get hit on more, get more breaks in life because they’re genetic freaks have a different psychology than a girl who’s been ignored all her life. So, there is a difference between approaching a 9 or 10 versus a 6 or 7.

IP: Every man has a different definition of hotness. One man’s 10 is another man’s 6. There’s a lot of subjectivity there.

Ren: Maybe some guys are into fat chicks. But put a fat chick on the cover of a magazine, I doubt it would sell as well. All of us know the difference between a 10 and a 6.

And ever heard about that experiment done on infants? Where scientists showed them pictures of average faces versus “beautiful” faces? The babies gazed on the beautiful faces more. There’s a lot more objectivity to beauty than you think. You know that. C’mon, man.

grace kelly

Grace Kelly. That’s a pretty beautiful face. Wouldn’t you say? Or is beauty just relative?

IP: I really, REALLY don’t like the number system for various reasons, but that’s for another discussion.

You’re absolutely right, there is such a thing as objective beauty. But objective beauty lies in things like symmetry, a certain wait-hip ratio, clear skin, healthy-looking hair, and so on.

So, although there are clear-cut objective, universal factors, there are still MANY factors that are subjective. That’s why I say one man’s 10 is another’s 6.

There are so many examples. I know one guy who ONLY dates black and hispanic chicks. I know another guy who only dates east asian chicks. No doubt they both respond to symmetry, but they have very different physical tastes nevertheless.

Look at the difference between, say, Taylor Swift and Beyonce. Personally I consider them both very beautiful. But they are also VERY different looking—skin color, body proportions, hair texture, facial features.

A guy who like big tits and ass will probably prefer Beyonce to Taylor. While Taylor will get lots of guys going, that particular guy would probably not even notice her in a bar.

Ren: Yes, gourmet food is gourmet food, but some might prefer filet mignon over lemon herb chicken. Who cares? My point is there are 9’s and 10’s. It’s not harder to attract 9’s and 10’s, it’s just different. There’s a little more play-fighting involved.

And that learning game is more than about getting laid. We may have all gotten in game for that originally. But it’s really about breaking the comfort zone, learning a life skill, growing as a man.

IP: Fair.

Ren: What about preselection? What’s your understanding of that? I’m guessing you think that’s another obsolete idea?

4. Preselection

From Robert Cialdini’s book “Influence.” According to his research on marketing, there are six basic weapons of psychological influence: Reciprocity; Commitment (and Consistency); Social Proof; Liking; Authority; Scarcity.

IP: Again, Mystery mentions this as one of the core necessities to attract a woman. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned past girlfriends or anything similar to a girl, at least not before sex. Rather than essential I see it as entirely optional. And sometimes detrimental. Because it can come off as bragging or in poor taste.

Ren: You’ve gotta read Cialdini’s “Influence” some time. He writes about six psychological factors that makes people want stuff. One of them is social proof. If lots of people want a product, it makes others want it, too. That’s all preselection is. Social proof.

An example of social proof.

An example of social proof.

And who said anything about bragging? Preselection addresses a pitfall a lot of guys fall into. That is, talking bad about their ex-girlfriends. He don’t realize that just makes him look bad.

Or, talking about how no women like him, and he’s a loser.

Chris Farley portraying himself negatively… not exactly the way to attract women: 

How could talking about yourself in this way possibly attract a woman?

The point is, negative talk about yourself and ex-girlfriends isn’t attractive. It’s like trying to sell a product by saying it sucks and no one likes it.

On the other hand, you can talk well about your ex-girlfriends, and yourself. For example, you can mention a girlfriend in passing. And talk well of her. Or, you can present yourself in such a way that you’re successful with them.

Don Juan DeMarco portraying himself positively by showing he has a clue with women… slightly more effective

That’s attractive.

No bragging, man. Just being conscious to replace negative talk with positive talk. How you can benefit her.

And you can take all that up a notch. If a woman sees you surrounded by women, it might pique her curiosity. She might think: “If he has value for her, he might have value for me.”

It’s an effective strategy.

There’s a great scene in “Legally Blonde” that illustrates this, too. To show the principle goes beyond MM:

Reese Witherspoon helps a guy attract a girl he’s interested. The girl’s not interested. Reese pretends he gave her pleasure, then broke her heart. Next thing you know, the girl’s interested in him. Elle Woods understood preselection.

Elle Woods demonstrating Social Proof:

You don’t have to use this strategy. But if you know people gravitate to what others want, why not use it?

IP: Maybe you can “pique her curiosity,” but it’s not guaranteed and it’s not essential. It’s totally optional. Also, it works great for certain girls, such as many who are very status-conscious, but not as well for others.

Ren: Brother, you couldn’t be more wrong. Preselection has NOTHING to do with “status-conscious” girls. It has everything to do with human psychology.

And if you don’t want to use preselection, cool. I don’t care. To me, you’d be like a guy who only wants to play “Mary Had A Little Lamb” on the piano. Sure, he can get by. But why not expand your horizons and learn a little Mozart? If you understand this piece of psychology, you can use it to make your game even tighter.

IP: Preselection brings up something else that’s been nullified by subsequent lessons in recent years, and that’s Mystery’s take on evolutionary psychology. For example, his ideas about being the “tribal leader.” You don’t necessarily have to be the biggest, more powerful guy in the room to pickup women.

5. Evolutionary Psychology and High-Status

Ren: So, now you’re saying you don’t need a lot of masculine energy to attract a woman?

I agree with you on one point. Evolutionary psychology. I’m not a fan of it myself. Ever since I read Lewontin’s “Biology As Ideology.”

This book, by a Harvard geneticist, makes a very convincing critique of evolutionary psychology

This book, by a Harvard geneticist, makes a very convincing critique of evolutionary psychology

David DeAngelo talks a lot about evolutionary psychology too, and it always makes my eyes glaze over. But I’ve never needed to believe in those myths to practice pickup.

That said, I DO think Mystery’s idea of the “tribal leader” is super-useful out in the field.

IP: Dude, “Tribal Leader” IS evolutionary psychology. He talks about ancient tribes and how the instincts that evolved in that prehistorical environment are still relevant today, and so on. That’s evolutionary psychology.

Ren: That’s the psycho-babble decorating a deeper truth. That women are attracted to masculine energy, especially to a high-status male rather than a low-status one.

There’s a joke, and I think it comes from Chris Rock but I’m not sure, where if Bill Clinton were working in a 7-11, women wouldn’t find him attractive anymore.

You could almost add to that: even if Hillary were president of the United States, guys still wouldn’t find her attractive. But it doesn’t matter if Candice Swanepoel were working in 7-11, she’d still be hot.

Candice Swanepoel. Still be hot if she worked at 7-11.

Candice Swanepoel. Wouldn’t matter if she worked at 7-11, would it?

IP: So, how do you convey high-status in the field? Brag?

Ren: No way. High-status can translate in the way you carry yourself, in your body language, the way you dress, speaking well, treating people with respectunafraid of drawing boundaries. The swagger that comes from success with women.

That attracts chicks like cah-ra-zy. The way youth, facial symmetry, waist-hip ratio attracts guys.

Women find a survivor quality attractive because it’s masculine. It shows he’s strong enough to take care of her.

wolverine-trailer-banner

Wolverine: A man who can survive and who can protect. The idea is that’s masculine, and masculinity attracts women.

Men find a replicative quality attractive in a chicks because it’s feminine. Or it’s a sign of fertility.

Whatever the reason, being aware of the difference between how guys get attracted and women get attracted is super-useful in the field.

IP: Well, survival and replication is all part of evolutionary psychology. Which is fine. But to say it has nothing to do with pickup is silly.

Ren: You just totally missed my point. First, you don’t have to believe in evolutionary psychology to practice this idea. The idea being looks attract guys more, and having high-status attracts chicks more than looks. What I was trying to say was, you don’t need evolutionary psycho-babble to practice that.

IP: I agree status can make a big difference. But status is FLUID and dependent on context, as well as on the girl’s preferences.

A tatted-up 19-year-old hipster with a crappy part-time job into the indie rock scene is likely to have a VERY different conception of “status” than a 28-year-old preppy Harvard grad who works with a lobbying firm in D.C.

Accordingly, two very different kinds of men will be considered highly attractive to them. And note that both of these girls can be super-hot.

Ren: We can keep returning to this theme of relativism versus universals until we’re blue in the face. It’s still a cop-out.

Maybe a 19-year-old hipster has different taste in men than a 28-year-old Harvard grad. But strength, confidence, and masculinity are universals that’ll attract a woman no matter what. Whether she’s a tenured professor or a 19-year old college student.

IP: Well, if you say “status” is just about confidence, body language, and swagger, that’s hardly revolutionary and we don’t need MM to tell us that.

Ren: I wasn’t arguing that “confidence attracts women” is what’s revolutionary about MM. What’s revolutionary about MM is it’s a practice that helps guys GET that confidence and swagger.

You said at the beginning of all this Mystery had some good ideas. Out of curiosity, which did you have in mind?

CHAPTER THREE. IF MM IS *MOSTLY* OBSOLETE, IS THERE ANY GOOD?

Mystery lecturing

The “good” of The Mystery Method, according to Introverted Playboy: Mystery was the first to take a scientific approach. If that were true, what about all the academics who’ve taken a scientific approach to attraction before him? (Arthur Aron, Hellen Fisher, Desmond Morris, Lucy Brown, David Buss, Geoffery Miller, Margaret Meade, John Gottman… to name a few.)

IP: The GOOD thing that Mystery introduced, and this WAS revolutionary, was the notion we should take a scientific approach to understanding attraction.

Ren: Scientific approach? You mean evolutionary psychology?

IP: No, he gave us a different take on women than, for example, “what my uncle said about the birds and bees.” Which is what most male discussion about attraction was based on for generations to that point. This scientific approach was indeed novel.

Ren: Not sure if I follow.

IP: You could take your uncle’s word for it, OR you could look critically at the evidence and see what’s really going on. And see that status, for example, is part of what attracts girls. But there’s also more to the story.

Ren: Okay, so you do think status attracts women.

IP: I guess so.

Ren: My point: saying MM’s obsolete is dangerous because some might be tempted to throw out the baby out with the bathwater, and the fundamentals that go along with it.

IP: I do think people who dismiss MM out-of-hand run the risk of throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

But over time we’ve learned that only some of it you need, some of it is optional, some of it is only necessary in a certain context. And some of it will work great in some cases and actually be harmful in other.

Maybe obsolete isn’t the right word. Maybe incomplete or inadequate, or “not the whole story” would have been better.

CHAPTER FOUR. MM IS COMPREHENSIVE

Ren: Woooooow. That’s EXACTLY what’s awesome about MM. It IS comprehensive. It’s a guideline of what to do from meet to sex. It has the same structure as the beginning-middle-end of a story.

Mystery white board

Mystery with a diagram of his method. Looks complicated, but the idea’s simple: attract first (A), build comfort second (C), save seduction for last (S). More on this below.

Like storytellers, pickup artists can use the MM structure to give them the freedom to use his imagination to create his own “stories” with his own style.

There’s so much flexibility within the MM structure. As evidenced by all the guys who came after and added to him.

How else do you explain why Mystery’s trained more master pickup artists than any other? OR changed the lives of countless men who felt they were hopeless with women, like me?

IP: All the respect to Mystery, no doubt. But look at what happened with many of those guys—they wound up developing their own styles and methods. You look at someone like Tyler Durden/RSD, for instance, and what he teaches now bears almost no resemblance to MM, as far as infield action.

1. MM’s Comprehensive Allows For Different Styles

Ren: So? That’s how it is with any art. A teacher teaches you a skill, but you don’t master it until you make it your own. RSD may have their own style, but they still use the fundamentals of MM: create sexual tension, be the man, entice her to chase, attract first, build comfort second, seduce last.

IP: Remember there were and are tons of guys who did not succeed with MM, and eventually turned to other things, or turned their back on game altogether and joined PUAHate and whatnot.

Ren: If a guy starts learning piano and gives up does that invalidate piano? Just means he gave up.

If a guy doesn’t make the basketball team, does it invalidate basketball? Just means he didn’t make the cut.

If a guy never got his black-belt in martial arts, does it invalidate martial arts? It means he stopped going.

Same with people who had turned to PUAHate. Instead of looking at himself and how he could he improve, he blames an outside force, gets bitter and instead of growing just complains. It’s called sour grapes.

Sour Grapes

“Sour Grapes make the best whine.” Hehe. So damn true. Especially for the guys over at puahate.com.

Now, if MM is as specialized as you say, how do you explain him having his own TV show?

IP: Don’t go by TV. They’re in it for shock value and entertainment and money, nothing more.

Ren: Blanket statement, maybe? I’m not citing TV as an authority. I’m talking from the producer’s point-of-view. If I’m a producer who wants to create a show that appeals to a mass audience, I’d want it it to have mass appeal. If MM was so specialized, how could he have that mass appeal?

Maybe our disagreements boil down to where we’ve been practicing game. Maybe your focus has been on one-on-one day game, whereas my practice has revolved around approaching women in groups at night.

IP: I do approach small groups, 2-3 max. But I approach those groups usually with wing men available. I generally avoid mixed sets.

Ren: Maybe that’s why you say MM is obsolete, then. Because you’re afraid of trying it out. It’s definitely a different energy during the day. I know trying out MM’s been a life-changer for me.

IP: Note the higher energy in the night. More physical style like RSD succeed very well in the night game, so again it’s relative.

Ren: I feel like we’re going around in circles. We already established that. No one’s arguing you only have to approach indirectly. MM is just a proven guideline that works, a flexible structure with fundamentals. You can adapt that to all sorts of contexts.

IP: Well, a lot of it was off the mark, and other PUAs have learned it’s unnecessary. You say it’s comprehensive, but it’s not.

2. MM Shows All The Classic Mistakes Men Make With Women

Ren: How come MM explains every mistake a guy makes with a woman using each step:

  • The Mr. Nice Guy who approaches in comfort: “come here often?” By skipping attraction.

Below, the Nice Guy: he opens in comfort without bothering to spark interest/attraction first. And he hides the fact he’s being nice to get sex.

  • The Creepy Guy who approaches in seduction: “let’s fuck,” or just stares with lust. By skipping attraction and comfort and opening in seduction.
Mistake Creepy guy

The Creepy Guy. He opens in Seduction, before attracting or building comfort.

  • The guy who attracts, but gets stuck in comfort because he doesn’t kino escalate: the Friend Zone. By opening in attraction, builds comfort never moves to seduction.
mistake friend zone

The Friend Zone. He may have attracted her and built comfort, but he stays in comfort because he fears physically escalating.

  • The Player who attracts, but skips comfort and rushes to seduction: girl feeling buyer’s remorse, not returning his calls. By opening in attraction but skipping comfort.
Mistake how to be a player

The Player. He attracts, but skips comfort, and goes straight for seduction. He might get sex and rack up the women, but they usually have buyer’s remorse afterwards.

The idea is so damn simple.

  • Attract a woman FIRST before seducing or building comfort. Get some sexual chemistry going.
  • Build comfort and get to know her, second.
  • Then make a move (never in public, always in private) into a mutual seduction, third.

Simple, elegant, practical. Explains each mistake and how to solve them.

Also, it shows guys what the mating ritual looks like.

Every time we fall in love, regardless of place, time, we go through this process. We’re first attracted. We get to know the person. Then we seduce.

In fact, Desmond Morris, the zoologist who studied human behavior like any other animal, observed in “The Naked Ape” that the human mating ritual goes through three phases:

  1. Pair formation (courtship, or the attraction and comfort phases),
  2. Precopulatory activity (foreplay), and
  3. Copulation (sex).

He says it’s not always done in that order. For example, look at pre-arranged marriages. Husband and wife have sex before building a connection. But couples in a sexual relationship do go through the stages eventually.

Morris also observed that courtship last waaaay longer in humans than in animals.

Nakedape

Desmond Morris, the zoologist, made a similar observation as Mystery: the human mating ritual goes through three main stages.

What was before a mysterious process about HOW to be more successful with women on purpose (not on accident), has become like turning on the light in the dark so we’re not fumbling around.

Like a story structure, you fill MM out however you like. Just like the universal structure of story. Just as there are an infinite amount of stories, there are an infinite amount of ways to fill out MM.

3. MM Is Linear AND Cyclical

IP: Attraction-Comfort-Seduction. I personally find that model too linear. I think of the seduction process as more cyclical.

Ren: Cyclical?

IP: Yes, balancing comfort and stimulation.

Ren: Um, that’s already part of MM. He calls it microcalibration. Even in comfort you’ve still got to be a bit of a challenge. Throughout attraction, comfort, and seduction you balance the “neg” part of things with interest, appreciation, connection.

Mystery on Microcalibration: the “cyclical” aspect of MM

In fact, that right there is THE unifying principle that binds attraction-comfort-and seduction together. As well as taking the lead and being the man all along the way.

IP: My way is so much simpler. I discuss my model of attraction and seduction in my ebook Introverted Seduction.

Ren: Yeah, “Introverted Seduction.” Why do you call yourself “Introverted Playboy” anyway, and your book “Introverted Seduction”?

4. MM Is For Introverts AND Extroverts

Introvert vs extrovert 2

The point isn’t to stay introverted or extroverted, but to grow.

IP: Because it’s geared towards introverts. Introverted guys have unique challenges and strengths in game. People think we have a handicap in game, but with practice, we can excel. We just have to play to our strengths, and not act like extroverts.

So, my book’s about how you don’t have to wear furry hats, paint your fingernails black, run routines, or neg. It’s meant for men who like to spend time alone and enjoy quiet conversations with one or two people. So I wrote this book about how introverts can succeed with women.

Ren: By remaining introverted.

IP: Right. Be true to who you are.

Ren: First of all, you’re confusing the man with the method. Mystery the man has that style. You can still have your own style and learn MM. MM, on the other hand, is just a guideline you can adapt to fit that style of yours.

Second, did Jung have in mind to stay introverted when he invented those labels “Introversion” and “Extroversion”? I thought his point was to become a more integrated human being. Not to remain the same. To integrate some of the energy you’re deficient into your personality, so you can grow.

Carl Jung (1875-1961), the psychologist who invented the terms

Carl Jung (1875-1961), the psychologist who invented the terms “introvert” and “extrovert.” We  might lead with one temperament, but we have the ability to be both. The point is to integrate both energies into our personalities.

IP: No, it’s about knowing your strengths and playing to those. It’s about not pretending to be someone you’re not, and being true to yourself.

Ren: Mystery was a big-time introvert before he taught himself game. To this day he’s an introvert. You have to be to invent something like MM. But he also now knows how to be outgoing, too. In other words, he’s become a more “whole” person.

Same with Neil Strauss. Big-time introvert before he learned game. After he learned game, he also learned how to bring out his personality better.

David DeAngelo was an introvert. Ross Jeffries was an introvert. Brad P was an introvert. Tyler Durden was an introvert.

I’d say most of us who learn game started as nerdy introverts. I’m an introvert myself.

I don’t think any of us would say we’re pretending to be someone we’re not after learning how to be more extroverted. I think we’d all say we’ve learned to become a more well-rounded human being, who knows how to bring out his best self.

MM is for introverts by an introvert. It helps introverts break out of that comfort zone. AND extroverts learn a shit load too. For example, the winner of the first season of “VH1’s The Pickup Artist,” Cosmo, was a natural extrovert.

Below is a video of Cosmo. He gives an example of a qualifier in it. Only thing I’d disagree with him is they’re NOT meant to bring down someone’s “value.” Qualifiers are more about helping a girl step down from her pedestal, if she’s on one, so you and her can now talk human-being-to-human-being.

IP: Well sometimes a guy doesn’t want to be an extrovert. I’m not saying Mystery’s model doesn’t work or can’t work. I’m just saying it’s rigid and limiting.

Ren: No, man. Just the opposite. MM’s super flexible. You can adapt it to your own personality and any context you’d like.

Or, are you saying it’s not good to have structure at all? That all structure is rigid and limiting?

5. MM’s Structure Gives You Freedom

What often happens when we have no structure, direction, or map.

What happens when there’s no structure, direction, map.

IP: I prefer to be intuitive about it. You don’t need a structure.

Ren: But structure’s what keeps the universe in place. It keeps the body in place. It keeps a story in place. It keeps music in place. And it keeps game in place.

And the beautiful thing about structure is it’s as flexible as a tree bending in the wind.

Not only that but having a structure allows you to take the lead. It’s like a map that helps you know where to go next. Otherwise, without a structure, you’d get into these fumbling, go-nowhere conversations.

Ironically, it’s having no structure that’s limiting. Structure sets you free.

IP: Structure sets you free? How’s that possible?

Ren: Imagine a bridge between two cliffs. That’s what structure is. Without the bridge in place you can’t get anywhere, and you might drown in the water below.

Broken Bridge

What having no structure is like. Can’t go anywhere.

Now, if you have a wobbly bridge, you won’t be able to walk across it with a lot of confidence. But if you have a strong bridge, now you can dance and have the freedom to be yourself. It’s counter-intuitive, but a strong structure gives you more freedom.

When striking up conversations with with strangers, it’s especially helpful to have a plan. Knowing what to do first, second, and third allows you to lead an interaction to a destination.

IP: Well, I think MM creates unnecessary extra steps that just get in the way. As many have said over the years, his teachings are complicated and contain unnecessary, superfluous material. It’s too complicated and completely anti-intuitive.

6. MM Is A Backwards Rationalization Of An Intuitive Process

Ren: Nope. You’re looking at MM through the lens of other people’s labels and misunderstanding, rather than taking the time to understand MM itself.

MM is the result of Mystery looking back on all his successful pickups and seeing a pattern. Certain things happened again and again when he succeeded. When he failed, he found that pattern wasn’t in place. That pattern became the Mystery Method.

And any skill seems it’s complicated at first. If you read about about how to drive a car, you’d probably think it’s too complicated and anti-intuitive. But after you practice those steps, it becomes intuitive. It’s helpful to have steps as a teaching tool until talking to women becomes intuitive.

Written down, driving a car seems counter-intuitive and complicated. The more you drive a car, the more intuitive it becomes, until you're driving 70 miles an hour eating a bowl of ice cream. Okay, you're right. Maybe not such a good idea.

Driving a car seems counter-intuitive and complicated at first. The instructions are meant for beginners. The more you practice the guidelines, the more “second nature” it becomes. Until you’re driving 87 miles an hour while texting. Not recommending that.

IP: Well, there’s just too much superfluous material.

7. Every Step In MM Has A Purpose

Ren: Like?

IP: A1, A2, A3… way to complex.

Ren: What does each of those refer to?

IP: A1 Open, A2 DHV, A3 qualify.

Attraction

Attraction: it works the same way as electricity or magnetism. Opposite forces attract. Like forces repel. Masculine energy attracts the feminine. And playful conflict attracts more than being completely alike and perfectly nice.

Ren: Each one totally necessary and has a purpose.

I’ve gotta share this cool experiment with you. Did you hear about this by Arthur Aron at SUNY-Stony Brook on what makes two people fall in love?

IP: No…

Ren: Oh, it’s so cool. You know what her found out? He discovered there are three things makes us fall in love: sexual tension, mutual self-disclosure, and to discover the other person likes you for legitimate reasons.

When I first read this, it blew me away, because this is exactly what A2 and A3 refer to.

You do only two things in A2: a) create sexual tension with your target through negs (or play-fighting) and b) self-disclose yourself to her friends through DHV (or sharing yourself).

A3 is the mirror image of A2. By sharing yourself first in A2, you’re in a better position to ask about herself, by qualifying her. After she answers your question, you give a “Statement-Of-Interest,” telling her you like her, and make her feel liked for legitimate reasons.

The entire purpose of the attract phase: spark sexual tension, mutual self-disclosure, so you can make her feel liked for legitimate reasons.

The real genius of A1, A2, and A3 is it ALSO answers four basic questions people ask themselves (credit: hilarious and insightful blogger BossyMoksie) whenever a stranger approaches them out of the blue:

  1. Why is he approaching me? (Or, what does he want from us?)
  2. How long am I going to be stuck with him? (Or, hopefully we’re not stuck with him.)
  3. Who is he?
  4. What can he do for me?

A1, the opener, answers the first two questions. First, you “root” yourself, i.e. let them know why you’re approaching.

You can be honest and direct: “You guys looked cool and I wanted to introduce myself” or “I’ve got this rule that whenever I see someone attractive, I’ve gotta say hi.”

Or, you’re approaching because you’re being outgoing, friendly, out meeting everyone.

Or, you’re approaching because you want to get a female opinion on something…

Below’s the REAL origin of the classic opinion opener “Who lies more, men or women?” at about 4:15

Whatever the reason, people won’t hear a word of what you’re saying unless they know why you’re talking with them first.

Second, give some kind of a time constraint. This can be verbal: “I’ve only got a sec.”

Or, through your body language: if your feet are turned away from them it communicates you’re not going to be there forever. In fact, you’re on your way out.

My favorite constraint’s to play-fight within the second sentence out my mouth. This is my favorite because it’s all about positive energy. Positive energy is the #1 thing to attract. It’s the male equivalent to big tits.

Third, open within 3 seconds to avoid being the Creepy Guy who stares or stalks. Really he’s being “The Nice Guy.” He waits for the woman to leave her group so he can catch her alone and hit on her… Much better to disarm the group using stories and humor that shows a non-insulting LACK of interest.

That’s all A1 is. Opening within 3 seconds, hooking a set by rooting yourself, and giving a constraint. Once you do that, you’re into A2.

And A2 is all about introducing yourself. It answers their next two questions:

You’re telling the group who you are. And…

…by initiating an interesting topic of conversation (DHV) while bringing humor to the table (negs), you’re giving the group value.

Once you introduce yourself it’s natural to ask about them… and you’re off into A3.

Brilliant. It works in any context you can imagine. And you can fill this structure out however you like.

IP: Well, what about C1, C2, C3…?

Comfort

Comfort: getting to know each other, and building a connection.

Ren: C1, C2, and C3 are distinguished by location.

C1 takes place in the pickup venue. It’s also the secret to getting a solid phone number. Which is spending 25-40 minutes with her.

Getting a number in three minutes WILL flake. ‘Cause she doesn’t know you. Spending time getting to know her (25-40 minutes) gives her reason to pick up the phone.

But why play phone game at all when you can “time bridge”? That means NOT waiting to make a date later, but right there and then when you have her in person. It’s the opposite of what most guys do. It’s smart.

C2 is about visiting 3-5 venues with her. They’re neither in the pickup location nor the sex location. This builds more trust than spending the same amount of time with her in one place. If she sees you in only the venue you met as strangers, you’ll still feel like strangers. If you go to places together, well, you’re going into them “together.” You’re no longer strangers.

And THAT’S the secret to inviting her back to your place. Take her to multiple places. Then when you invite her to you place, she’ll accept because it’s just one more place.

Also, C2 means NOT waiting to kiss her at the end of the night. Be kissing already. Be touching each other already. That way when you go for foreplay in S1, it’s not an awkward move but an organic one.

C3 begins once she’s accepted your invitation to come back to your place and she’s alone with you there.

C3 means having a non-sexual reason for inviting her up: check out my aquarium, check out that movie we talked about, play that song on my guitar for you. Allow her to plausibly deny she’s coming up for sex. Let her save face and not appear “slutty.”

C3 also means NOT pouncing her when she’s at your place. For example, check your messages. Get her a drink. Put on a movie, play her a song on your guitar, play the home version of Dance, Dance Revolution. Or tell each other’s grounding stories. The grounding story can also be done in C2, but it’s often done in C3.

C3 continues to build comfort and trust, because you’re NOT pouncing as soon as she’s alone with you. By not pouncing, it builds sexual tension. She’s more likely to pounce on you!

IP: And S1, S2, and S3?

Seduction

Seduction: Woo-hoo!

Ren: S1 is foreplay.

Foreplay

Foreplay: emotional connection turns into a physical connection.

S1 is the rule to NOT make out until you’re in private.

S1 also includes the idea that foreplay is about teasing her. Smelling her hair for five minutes without touching her. Not going directly to her sexual spots. To inch toward them but take detours, building even more sexual tension. Taking two steps forward, one step back. Making her want it more and more.

Don't skip foreplay

Why we should never skip foreplay.

S2 is female psychology 101 about why her “Last Minute Resistance” to sex comes up.

The reason: it feels like our First Minute Resistance to approaching.

She doesn’t want to be perceived as a slut. She wants to know you’re gonna stick around after sex. Not necessarily get married, but to know the option is hers.

Why Last Minute Resistance comes up.

Why Last Minute Resistance comes up.

So, S2 is all about empathy. It’s about not forcing the issue, or making her feel guilty, or logic-ing her to death about why she should have sex. It’s about agreeing with her, then trying again later until she feels comfortable.

The point’s to let her know you’re going to stick around after sex. And that the notion of “slut” is double-standard bullshit.

The best way to deal with LMR is preemptively, though. By hinting you’ll stick around sex throughout the comfort phase before the issue might come up later.

Finally, S3 is first time sex.

Foreplay and the sex

Giving her great sex.

It’s about being choosy who you have sex with. To have sex with someone you want to see again. If you’re polyamorous, she can be one of your girlfriends (and that means being upfront with her that you’re in a “dating” phase of your life, it does NOT mean sneaking around) or if you want one girlfriend, maybe she’s it.

The point is: practice up until S2. Only cross the line to S3 if you want to see her again.

See how comprehensive MM is? How flexible and adaptable it is?

IP: It does make sense.

Ren: Tell me about it!

8. MM Uses Routines AND Spontaneous Conversation

Pianist 1960,art,illustration,painting,pianist,robert,mcginnis-854a9e089136770de54ef515257917e8_h

Routines are like a pianist learning a piece by Mozart or an actor learning his lines or a cook learning a recipe. You can focus on your delivery. Based on that foundation you can make up your own stuff. We mix routines and spontaneous conversation all the time.

IP: But maybe his style is useful for beginners who need specific words, stories, questions to get conversations going and to transition into more interesting interactions.

Routines are useful only if they’re unique to you. Ultimately, I think everyone should cultivate their ability for spontaneous communication in the moment.

Ren: I’ve been practicing pickup for awhile. I still use MM, routines, AND spontaneous together.

You’re not saying you’re above routines, are you? That it’s only for beginners? Because all of us rely on routines everyday.

When we say “Hi, how are you” or “thank-you” those are routines. When we tell the story about “why I chose to live in the state of Maine” again because we’ve polished it and we know it works, that’s a routine. Comedians use routines, too.

Then we can build on that foundation of a routine to make up our own stuff. But we always use routines and spontaneous communication together.

I also like routines because it teaches you to tell a story so well that you bring out your personality. You get to concentrate on your delivery like an actor. You can concentrate on your body language, your facial expression, your tone. The emotional communication.

Pickup is a performance art. It’s a way to become your best self. MM gives you the tools to do this.

CHAPTER FIVE.
HAVE YOU TRIED MM?

Ren: Now, I’ve gotta ask. Have you even tried MM out, or is everything you know about it hearsay?

NO RESPONSE.

Ren: Introverted Playboy? Hello?

NO RESPONSE.

CONCLUSION

The Mystery Method isn’t obsolete. It’s a message that originated in marketing to compete with Mystery. They had to knock him down to make themselves look better. Some guys bought into this and seem to use it as an excuse not to try it at all. Instead of taking the time to understand MM, they ignore the treasure trove that’s in it.

Worse, those who who’ve bought into the intellectual masturbation around the messages probably haven’t even tried it. They prefer direct, one-on-one day game because it’s safer.

Another theme behind this message: there are no universals, everything is a free-for-all. That was the same argument the sophists had put forth in ancient Athens: there’s no truth, everything is relative. It confused the Athenians then, it confuses guys today.

Socrates and the sophists

The obsession with the newest, shiniest thing is not unlike claiming there are no objective standards. Of course there’s room for change. But without standards or fundamentals you’ve got no basis to build on.

Even in Einstein’s theory of relativity, there are universals. Without the universal of the speed of light, the relativity of time and space doesn’t work.

There are universals underlying game, and there are fundamentals. That’s what the Mystery Method is about. The fundamentals. It’s not the be-all and end-all. It’s like the beginning-middle-ending structure story-tellers use to tell stories.

The structure’s flexible and there’s lots of room for invention. In fact, it’s structure that frees an artist to invent. Much of the new developments in pickup are possible because of the foundation MM laid down.

Rather than talk about it, try it. You’ll see for yourself.

It works.

The Mystery Method isn't obsolete, because it's about the fundamentals.

The Mystery Method isn’t obsolete, because it’s about the fundamentals.

 

Is The Mystery Method Obsolete? The Answer: No Way

 

Mystery and two girls

INTRODUCTION

There’s a lot out there about how the Mystery Method’s obsolete.

It’s always easier to judge something on the surface. It makes you feel righteous and superior. But that’s vulgar understanding, and it always misunderstands. Real understanding looks for the good, and isn’t quick to throw things into moralistic categories. It’s harder to do, but you get closer to reality.

Now, let me say here at the outset. I’m not saying the Mystery Method is the “one and only” method. Of course there’re always more than one way to do something. But some methods work better than others. I know MM works. In my experience, it’s the fundamentals of game. And that’s the case I’d like to make to you below.

hercules-1997-movie-review-phil-training-hercules-zero-to-hero-danny-devito-tate-donovan
Here’s Phil showing Hercules the fundamentals. I could almost hear him echoing Michael Jordan’s words: “Get away from fundamentals… the bottom can fall out of your game. Get the fundamentals down and the level of everything you do will rise. Once you’ve got the fundamentals down, you’ve got a solid foundation to build on.” 

Why would some say it’s obsolete then? They’re victims of marketing. Marketers are usually the ones saying the Mystery Method’s obsolete.

Marketers love the word “new.” So do customers. When we see words like: “My NEW product and method is improved!” We want it more.

By saying one method’s out-of-date, marketers attempt to link pain with it. By saying “their” method is up-to-date and better, they attempt to link pleasure with it. To make you buy.

It’s the old case of tear down the “popular” guy to make yourself look more desirable. Very sportsman-like. Not.

And for guys who want to learn how to be more successful with women, these marketing messages just ends up confusing us. Worse, we’ll buy the “new, shinny” product, and it sucks.

So, let me kill this completely false message the Mystery Method’s obsolete. I want to assure you not to be fooled. Fundamentals don’t go obsolete.

To do this, I wrote a fictionalized dialogue between “Introverted Playboy” and I. It was based on a real-life spat. He’s another blogger, and he had commented on this video I had posted.

By the way, he recently changed his blogging name to Justin Attraction, and he now goes by that name. That was about two or three weeks ago (about 7/20/14 or and it’s 8/7/14 now). But because I had been working on this post before he changed his name (since about the end of May), I kept his old one below.

Anyway, you’ll see both our points-of-view below.

Warning: what I wrote might be a little long. Okay, no, it IS long. So, you might wanna grab a cold one. Along the way, we’ll definitely nail down the fundamentals of game.

The Introverted Playboy, now known as “Justin Attraction.” The dialogue below is between him and me.

Quick note about “Introverted Playboy/Justin Attraction” Respect to him. He’s an author and a coach. He’s smart, he puts out sound stuff, and he gets great testimonials. He’s off-base to claim MM is obsolete, but respect still goes out to him.

Anyway, back to you. I hope I’ve portrayed his viewpoint fairly, so you can decide the question yourself.

What I think you’ll see is this: these marketing messages are intellectual masturbation. Useless in the real world, with the added bonus of being paralyzing.

Worse, I can’t help wonder if those who’ve been duped by the hype have even tried MM? And justify their fear of not trying it with these rationalizations? I don’t know.

Check it out for yourself. If nothing else, I pasted some cool pics and videos into the post. If you don’t want to read all this, I don’t blame you, but check those out. I think you’ll still get a sense of the argument.

Again, the argument: MM isn’t obsolete because they go over the fundamentals of game.

CHAPTER ONE. MYSTERY METHOD ISN’T THE “ONE” WAY, BUT *IS* FLEXIBLE

Mystery Sat Night Mag

He’s gotten a lot of publicity, but that doesn’t mean his is the “only” way.

Introverted Playboy: Mystery had good ideas but most of them are obsolete.

Renaissan: You’re absolutely wrong. Most of Mystery’s ideas aren’t obsolete, because they’re about the fundamentals of pickup and seduction. Fundamentals don’t become obsolete.

IP: Well, much of it is.

Ren: Like what?

IP: That my method is THE method. That there’s only one way. To say “this is the only way” is simply wrong, because there’s more than one way.

Ren: There’s only one way? I wasn’t aware of that. Or that Mystery ever claimed that.

IP: Doesn’t the Mystery Method say you must approach indirectly?

Ren: Mystery prefers the indirect approach himself, but you can use MM with a direct opener, too. An approach depends on the context. If a woman’s alone, giving a compliment can work better than going direct. If she’s in a group indirect can be easier. I use a combination of direct and indirect approaches myself.

IP: How can you use both a direct and an indirect approach at the same time?

Ren: They’re a difference in energy. A direct opener’s sincere and serious. Again, it’s best done with one girl. An indirect opener’s a more playful energy. It’s targeted to more than one girl, or groups, because it doesn’t alienate anyone. The other advantage of going in with a playful energy is it lets you approach more sets.

That’s probably why Mystery likes the indirect approach best. It doesn’t alienate, and allows him to approach more.

Again, you can still do the Mystery Method with a direct opener.

IP: Well, his methods are marketed as the be-all and end-all of attraction and seduction.

Ren: It is? Wasn’t aware of that one either. Which specific marketers are you talking about? The marketing messages I see are the ones that diss the Mystery Method, not that it’s the be-all and end-all of attraction.

IP: Remember how MM was billed “how to get beautiful women into bed”? As if it was the final word in the matter? But what it really is, is: a highly specialized method for a particular kind of guy in a particular context.

Ren: Uh, that was the subtitle of of Mystery’s first book, yes.

Mystery Method Book

No where in this book, or in the subtitle of his book, does he claim to have the “only” way.

But who said it was the final word in the matter? I believe you added those words in yourself. I’ve read that book four times. Never saw that claim anywhere. Sounds like your own interpretation.

Also, if you ever listen to Mystery, you’ll hear him say he developed the method for himself, because it worked for him. He happened to teach it to other guys, and it caught on like wildfire. I’ve never heard him claim it’s the final word in the matter. I HAVE heard him say he’s excited to learn from other pickups artists, though.

What’s funny is many of those guys Mystery taught his method went on to open their own pickup companies. They then dissed MM saying it was obsolete and called their game “Natural.” *Cough* Vin DiCarlo and Gambler *Cough* Even though they’re super theoretical and use MM. Why? To make sales. It’s a marketing technique.

IP: Well, MM was developed for specific contexts. Night game in Los Angeles and Las Vegas mostly, and for the goal of dating women in the short-term. They don’t work in other contexts like daytime, shopping malls, low-energy situations, and for other goals like same night lays vs. long-term dating.

Ren: Hahahahaha! Oh, you’re serious. Um, no. Mystery has approached women all over the world, in the day, in the night, high-energy places, low-energy places. He’s gotten same night lays, he’s had long-term relationships. And obviously he used his method to do it.

Same with me. I’ve used MM in every context you can imagine. The mall, bars, coffee shops. I’ve had same night lays, threesomes, foursomes, picked up strippers. And I’m in New England, a completely different culture than LA or Vegas. MM works, man. Why? They’re about universals that cut across time and culture.

CHAPTER TWO. CAN GAME HAVE UNIVERSALS?

IP: We have to be very careful with the idea of “game universals.” What works for one guy may not work for another. MM is one style, one strategy, out of many that could work depending on a guy’s status, approaching different kinds of girls with different personalities. There’s more than one way to skin a cat.

Ren: There are many paths up a mountain, but you still need some basics to get to the top. In game, if you don’t have sexual tension, emotional connection, masculine energy, you ain’t going nowhere with a girl. Whatever your style of skinning a cat is, you’ve gotta have fundamentals. And fundamentals are what MM’s about.

IP: Okay, I agree there are some game universals. But we have to be careful. Style is a universal, peacocking is not. Flirting is a universal, negging and disqualification is not. Status is a universal, preselection is not.

Ren: Do you even know what peacocking, negging and preselection are?

1. Peacocking

This is peacocking. Wear one or two interesting items of clothing. Here Johnny Depp wears an interesting bracelet, an interesting hat. His T-shirt and his jeans (that you can’t see in this pic) are “supporting” pieces.

IP: Peacocking is hilarious, and I guess it can be useful. But it’s basically dressing really weird and bizarre to stand out.

Ren: A common misperception. Peacocking is one of the basics of style. Which is wear one or two interesting items of clothing with supporting pieces. A supporting piece can be a pair of jeans, or a shirt, nothing that stands out. An interesting item is something that stands out, like a necklace or even a cool tie. Something that makes you go “wow” or “that’s kinda different” or “that’s pretty cool.”

It’s a basic of style because, these one or two items make you stand out from the herd of generic, Mr. Nice Guys who dress the same. You don’t have to go nuts here. Peacocking just shows you’ve got an edge and the balls to be a little different. That’s an attractive attitude to communicate through your clothing.

Bonus: they make great icebreakers, too. If you’re wearing a cool necklace or an interesting hairdo, you’ll find girls will opening you. “Cool tie,” she might say.

Just because Mystery has his own unique kind of style doesn’t mean you have to dress exactly like him. You can model other stylish people, a movie star you admire, a rock star you like, a character from a movie you’d like to be like. The point’s to break out of the generic Mr Nice Guy clothing, and take a few chances.

Okay, what about negging. What’s your understanding of that?

2. Negs

A classic quote about teasing from Mystery

Below’s a classic example of play-fighting (or negging) — done with music!

IP: It disqualifies yourself from being a potential suitor. They can take the form of subtle insults to lower a girl’s self-esteem.

Ren: God, no! Another misunderstanding. You’re right they’re meant to disqualify you from being a potential suitor, you’re wrong to say they’re meant to lower girl’s self-esteem. Negs is just banter, man. No big thing.

They’re like what the philosopher Baudrillard once said about seduction:

“Challenge, not desire, is the key to seduction.”

jean baudrillard

Jean Baudrillard, the French postmodern philosopher (1927-2007). His most famous book is “Simulacra and Simulation,” but he also wrote a book called “Seduction.”

It’s making yourself into a bit of a challenge.

Animals play-fight with each other all the time.

Play-fighting. What negging is.

That’s what negs are. Play-fighting. It’s HARMLESS.

Or, it’s like one of my favorite quotes from the movie Tao of Steve:

“We purse that which retreats from us.”

Negs really negate yourself, not her. It’s about pulling away from her to draw her in.

Probably the best thing they do is

It’s the complete opposite of what most other guys do when they:

  • ask “can I buy you a drink?”
  • ask “so where are you from?”
  • tell a girl “you’ve got great tits, wanna fuck?”
  • give her a bunch of generic compliments: “you’re so pretty.”
  • get obsessed with “that one girl”…

Instead, a neg does two things:

  1. communicates to her friends: “I’m not after your hot friend,” or as you said it “disqualifies you from being a potential suitor.” At the same time you…
  2. play-fight with the hot friend, creating sexual tension with her.

It’s FLIRTING. The argument’s over a word, a label.

Mystery coined the term “neg” for play-fighting, banter, playing hide ’n’ seek, catch me if you can. Whatever you call it. For what you do when you create sexual tension.

To her friends it looks like you’re not getting along, and their “bitch shields” don’t activate. But below the surface you and your target are feeling this sexual charge.

Awesome, right?

You can see negs in romantic comedies. In the beginning the two leads usually don’t get along. Their playful conflict and dissonance creates chemistry. Later they fall in love.

EXAMPLES OF ROMANTIC COMEDIES WHERE THE LEADS DON’T GET ALONG AT FIRST BUT FALL IN LOVE LATER (i.e. “negs”)

Rom Com 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

Rom Com Clueless 1995

Clueless (1995)

Rom Com How to lose a guy in 10 days 2003

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days (2003)

Rom Com The Proposal 2009

The Proposal (2009)

Rom ComWhen harry met sally

When Harry Met Sally (1989)

That’s what negs are. Playful conflict. It adds spice to an interaction.

It’s NEVER meant to insult women. If you insult a woman, you’re a dick and you’re doing it wrong. If she’s laughing and hitting your arm, well done. You’re negging on each other.

IP: I get that. But the problem with negs is that so much of a successful neg comes down to tone and the spirit you’re saying it with. The same exact line, spoken in one way will come across as insulting and arrogant, and in another way will be playful and fun.

Ren: So? Is that any reason not to try it? Because you might not get it “perfect” the first time? So what if you fuck up? That’s how we learn. By fucking up.

Besides, it’s such an easy fix.

Arrogant 2

If your attitude is one of an arrogant prick, of course negs aren’t gonna work. Be playful.

If you’re an arrogant shit and you look down on people, then ANYTHING you say will come off as arrogant and insulting. Negs aren’t the problem, then. It’s your attitude.

But if your attitude’s playful and positive, that is you feel great and want to share that great feeling with everyone else, that attitude will come off, too. Even better, as Lance Mason from “Art of Attraction” once said:

“Positive energy is the male equivalent of cleavage.”

806b8768cb4540286ccc2bfc758395ab

Having positive energy is the male equivalent of cleavage. It attracts.

The key to attraction is having a positive energy. That’s why smiling and laughter and giving “feeling good” and social freedom’s so important. It’s a pleasurable feeling that women’ll link to you.

But if your attitude’s playful, and all you want to do is put a smile on a girl’s face, and you don’t look down on people, that attitude will come off, too. It’ll be fun.

That problem you’re talking about has more to do with attitude, not negs.

I was nervous when I first tried negs, but the payoff’s been fantastic. It’s helped me cure my “nice guy syndrome,” become more assertive, be more playful, not to mention I’ve learned how to be funnier. Take the risk, break out of your comfort zone, and try ‘em. It’s worth it.

Negs, or being a playful challenge, is a fundamental to game.

IP: Well, what I don’t like is Mystery frames disqualification as utterly necessary. But in reality, tons of guys succeed by just being totally honest and direct about what they want.

They approach a girl, tell her she’s hot, escalate, and case closed. Disqualification is just one option. It works in some cases, with some women, for some guys. It’s not universally always true.

Ren: Wrong again. Like we talked about, you always need sexual tension. Tension comes from conflict, like tug-o-war. Tug-o-war doesn’t happen by saying to the other team “You guys are so strong and wonderful. I’ll surrender to you.” Then the rope goes all slack. No. Tug-o-war happens when both sides tug.

tugowar

Sexual tension is like playing tug-o-war. This picture is NOT an example of sexual tension. When sex or romance gets mixed in, the tug-o-war turns into sexual tension.

Don’t get me wrong. Being honest is great. I’m all for honesty. I’m honest and direct when I approach. But then I immediately inject some playful conflict, too. Otherwise the interaction becomes dull.

Also, when you pull away slightly, it creates want. What’s the nature of wanting?

Not having. When you have, the wanting goes away. So, being a bit of a challenge makes people want more. Again, it’s a fundamental of game.

Besides, who doesn’t enjoy some laughter, and that cliff-hanger feeling where you don’t know what’s going to happen next?

Okay, okay, okay. You’ve brought us back this issue of the direct versus indirect opener. Cool, whatever. You can do MM with a direct approach, no problem. You said tons of guys do go direct without any disqualification. Which guys did you have in mind?

IP: Tom Torero, Jon Matrix, Yad, Justin Wayne, the guys over at daygame.com, or even somebody like Chris Good Looking Loser. They all get hot girls without using MM. The evidence is there, dude.

Ren: Alright, let me watch those guys.

Each one of these guys approached ONE girl in the DAY. So, they opened with direct openers.

Ren: Every one of those guys approached ONE girl during the DAY. I thought we talked about this already. Of course, a direct approach IS more ideal in that context. If you’re going to approach groups of women, the game changes a bit.

Direct honesty is the way to go during the day. All I’m saying is it’s helpful to throw a little playful challenge in there, too. To make things interesting, to make her chase, to make her want.

IP: Well, here’s the other thing. Mystery’s game is so conversation-focused. There are tons of guys that focus on physical escalation, with minimal talking, and are successful.

Ren: I’m not sure who you have in mind, but I know Matador has a really physical game. And guess what? He was a student of Mystery’s. So what?

3. Quick Sex

jessica rabbit ugly

Why scrape the barrel…

jessica rabbit realistic

…when you could have this?

IP: Well, what if you’re looking for simple, quick sex, with little interest in getting to know a girl or developing a deep connection? Sometimes a girl’s horny and wants any guy to sleep with. You don’t need all these weird tactics. You just need to be in the right place at the right time.

Ren: I guess, but why would you want to just go for anyone, like sloppy drunk chicks? MM’s designed to pick up quality girls, the 9’s and 10’s. And part of MM is to be selective about the women you have sex with, to have sex with a girl you’d actually want to see again.

But, hey, if you want to go for the 5’s and 6’s, you can still use MM, too.

For me, the point of learning game isn’t to scrape the barrel and get laid by just anyone, but to learn a life skill and grow as a man.

IP: And what if the 9 or 10 happens to be a sloppy drunk?

Ren: She won’t be much of a 9 or 10 anymore. And kinda illegal if you took her home.

IP: The idea that hot girls are fundamentally “different” from other girls is a common fallacy. The same woman can be all dolled up in a nightclub and get hit on by lots of guys, but then Sunday morning at the coffee shop with no makeup and sweats, suddenly she’s considered less hot. Same girl. All women function in the same way.

Ren: Women and men function in the same way because we’re all human and we all want love. Why stop there? But to ignore the fact that 9’s and 10’s get more attention is just ignoring reality.

Girls who get more attention, get hit on more, get more breaks in life because they’re genetic freaks have a different psychology than a girl who’s been ignored all her life. So, there is a difference between approaching a 9 or 10 versus a 6 or 7.

IP: Every man has a different definition of hotness. One man’s 10 is another man’s 6. There’s a lot of subjectivity there.

Ren: Maybe some guys are into fat chicks. But put a fat chick on the cover of a magazine, I doubt it would sell as well. All of us know the difference between a 10 and a 6.

And ever heard about that experiment done on infants? Where scientists showed them pictures of average faces versus “beautiful” faces? The babies gazed on the beautiful faces more. There’s a lot more objectivity to beauty than you think. You know that. C’mon, man.

grace kelly

Grace Kelly. That’s a pretty beautiful face. Wouldn’t you say? Or is beauty just relative?

IP: I really, REALLY don’t like the number system for various reasons, but that’s for another discussion.

You’re absolutely right, there is such a thing as objective beauty. But objective beauty lies in things like symmetry, a certain wait-hip ratio, clear skin, healthy-looking hair, and so on.

So, although there are clear-cut objective, universal factors, there are still MANY factors that are subjective. That’s why I say one man’s 10 is another’s 6.

There are so many examples. I know one guy who ONLY dates black and hispanic chicks. I know another guy who only dates east asian chicks. No doubt they both respond to symmetry, but they have very different physical tastes nevertheless.

Look at the difference between, say, Taylor Swift and Beyonce. Personally I consider them both very beautiful. But they are also VERY different looking—skin color, body proportions, hair texture, facial features.

A guy who like big tits and ass will probably prefer Beyonce to Taylor. While Taylor will get lots of guys going, that particular guy would probably not even notice her in a bar.

Ren: Yes, gourmet food is gourmet food, but some might prefer filet mignon over lemon herb chicken. Who cares? My point is there are 9’s and 10’s. It’s not harder to attract 9’s and 10’s, it’s just different. There’s a little more play-fighting involved.

And that learning game is more than about getting laid. We may have all gotten in game for that originally. But it’s really about breaking the comfort zone, learning a life skill, growing as a man.

IP: Fair.

Ren: What about preselection? What’s your understanding of that? I’m guessing you think that’s another obsolete idea?

4. Preselection

From Robert Cialdini’s book “Influence.” According to his research on marketing, there are six basic weapons of psychological influence: Reciprocity; Commitment (and Consistency); Social Proof; Liking; Authority; Scarcity.

IP: Again, Mystery mentions this as one of the core necessities to attract a woman. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned past girlfriends or anything similar to a girl, at least not before sex. Rather than essential I see it as entirely optional. And sometimes detrimental. Because it can come off as bragging or in poor taste.

Ren: You’ve gotta read Cialdini’s “Influence” some time. He writes about six psychological factors that makes people want stuff. One of them is social proof. If lots of people want a product, it makes others want it, too. That’s all preselection is. Social proof.

An example of social proof.

An example of social proof.

And who said anything about bragging? Preselection addresses a pitfall a lot of guys fall into. That is, talking bad about their ex-girlfriends. He don’t realize that just makes him look bad.

Or, talking about how no women like him, and he’s a loser.

Chris Farley portraying himself negatively… not exactly the way to attract women: 

How could talking about yourself in this way possibly attract a woman?

The point is, negative talk about yourself and ex-girlfriends isn’t attractive. It’s like trying to sell a product by saying it sucks and no one likes it.

On the other hand, you can talk well about your ex-girlfriends, and yourself. For example, you can mention a girlfriend in passing. And talk well of her. Or, you can present yourself in such a way that you’re successful with them.

Don Juan DeMarco portraying himself positively by showing he has a clue with women… slightly more effective

That’s attractive.

No bragging, man. Just being conscious to replace negative talk with positive talk. How you can benefit her.

And you can take all that up a notch. If a woman sees you surrounded by women, it might pique her curiosity. She might think: “If he has value for her, he might have value for me.”

It’s an effective strategy.

There’s a great scene in “Legally Blonde” that illustrates this, too. To show the principle goes beyond MM:

Reese Witherspoon helps a guy attract a girl he’s interested. The girl’s not interested. Reese pretends he gave her pleasure, then broke her heart. Next thing you know, the girl’s interested in him. Elle Woods understood preselection.

Elle Woods demonstrating Social Proof:

You don’t have to use this strategy. But if you know people gravitate to what others want, why not use it?

IP: Maybe you can “pique her curiosity,” but it’s not guaranteed and it’s not essential. It’s totally optional. Also, it works great for certain girls, such as many who are very status-conscious, but not as well for others.

Ren: Brother, you couldn’t be more wrong. Preselection has NOTHING to do with “status-conscious” girls. It has everything to do with human psychology.

And if you don’t want to use preselection, cool. I don’t care. To me, you’d be like a guy who only wants to play “Mary Had A Little Lamb” on the piano. Sure, he can get by. But why not expand your horizons and learn a little Mozart? If you understand this piece of psychology, you can use it to make your game even tighter.

IP: Preselection brings up something else that’s been nullified by subsequent lessons in recent years, and that’s Mystery’s take on evolutionary psychology. For example, his ideas about being the “tribal leader.” You don’t necessarily have to be the biggest, more powerful guy in the room to pickup women.

5. Evolutionary Psychology and High-Status

Ren: So, now you’re saying you don’t need a lot of masculine energy to attract a woman?

I agree with you on one point. Evolutionary psychology. I’m not a fan of it myself. Ever since I read Lewontin’s “Biology As Ideology.”

This book, by a Harvard geneticist, makes a very convincing critique of evolutionary psychology

This book, by a Harvard geneticist, makes a very convincing critique of evolutionary psychology

David DeAngelo talks a lot about evolutionary psychology too, and it always makes my eyes glaze over. But I’ve never needed to believe in those myths to practice pickup.

That said, I DO think Mystery’s idea of the “tribal leader” is super-useful out in the field.

IP: Dude, “Tribal Leader” IS evolutionary psychology. He talks about ancient tribes and how the instincts that evolved in that prehistorical environment are still relevant today, and so on. That’s evolutionary psychology.

Ren: That’s the psycho-babble decorating a deeper truth. That women are attracted to masculine energy, especially to a high-status male rather than a low-status one.

There’s a joke, and I think it comes from Chris Rock but I’m not sure, where if Bill Clinton were working in a 7-11, women wouldn’t find him attractive anymore.

You could almost add to that: even if Hillary were president of the United States, guys still wouldn’t find her attractive. But it doesn’t matter if Candice Swanepoel were working in 7-11, she’d still be hot.

Candice Swanepoel. Still be hot if she worked at 7-11.

Candice Swanepoel. Wouldn’t matter if she worked at 7-11, would it?

IP: So, how do you convey high-status in the field? Brag?

Ren: No way. High-status can translate in the way you carry yourself, in your body language, the way you dress, speaking well, treating people with respect, unafraid of drawing boundaries. The swagger that comes from success with women.

That attracts chicks like cah-ra-zy. The way youth, facial symmetry, waist-hip ratio attracts guys.

Women find a survivor quality attractive because it’s masculine. It shows he’s strong enough to take care of her.

wolverine-trailer-banner

Wolverine: A man who can survive and who can protect. The idea is that’s masculine, and masculinity attracts women.

Men find a replicative quality attractive in a chicks because it’s feminine. Or it’s a sign of fertility.

Whatever the reason, being aware of the difference between how guys get attracted and women get attracted is super-useful in the field.

IP: Well, survival and replication is all part of evolutionary psychology. Which is fine. But to say it has nothing to do with pickup is silly.

Ren: You just totally missed my point. First, you don’t have to believe in evolutionary psychology to practice this idea. The idea being looks attract guys more, and having high-status attracts chicks more than looks. What I was trying to say was, you don’t need evolutionary psycho-babble to practice that.

IP: I agree status can make a big difference. But status is FLUID and dependent on context, as well as on the girl’s preferences.

A tatted-up 19-year-old hipster with a crappy part-time job into the indie rock scene is likely to have a VERY different conception of “status” than a 28-year-old preppy Harvard grad who works with a lobbying firm in D.C.

Accordingly, two very different kinds of men will be considered highly attractive to them. And note that both of these girls can be super-hot.

Ren: We can keep returning to this theme of relativism versus universals until we’re blue in the face. It’s still a cop-out.

Maybe a 19-year-old hipster has different taste in men than a 28-year-old Harvard grad. But strength, confidence, and masculinity are universals that’ll attract a woman no matter what. Whether she’s a tenured professor or a 19-year old college student.

IP: Well, if you say “status” is just about confidence, body language, and swagger, that’s hardly revolutionary and we don’t need MM to tell us that.

Ren: I wasn’t arguing that “confidence attracts women” is what’s revolutionary about MM. What’s revolutionary about MM is it’s a practice that helps guys GET that confidence and swagger.

You said at the beginning of all this Mystery had some good ideas. Out of curiosity, which did you have in mind?

CHAPTER THREE. IF MM IS *MOSTLY* OBSOLETE, IS THERE ANY GOOD?

Mystery lecturing

The “good” of The Mystery Method, according to Introverted Playboy: Mystery was the first to take a scientific approach. If that were true, what about all the academics who’ve taken a scientific approach to attraction before him? (Arthur Aron, Hellen Fisher, Desmond Morris, Lucy Brown, David Buss, Geoffery Miller, Margaret Meade, John Gottman… to name a few.)

IP: The GOOD thing that Mystery introduced, and this WAS revolutionary, was the notion we should take a scientific approach to understanding attraction.

Ren: Scientific approach? You mean evolutionary psychology?

IP: No, he gave us a different take on women than, for example, “what my uncle said about the birds and bees.” Which is what most male discussion about attraction was based on for generations to that point. This scientific approach was indeed novel.

Ren: Not sure if I follow.

IP: You could take your uncle’s word for it, OR you could look critically at the evidence and see what’s really going on. And see that status, for example, is part of what attracts girls. But there’s also more to the story.

Ren: Okay, so you do think status attracts women.

IP: I guess so.

Ren: My point: saying MM’s obsolete is dangerous because some might be tempted to throw out the baby out with the bathwater, and the fundamentals that go along with it.

IP: I do think people who dismiss MM out-of-hand run the risk of throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

But over time we’ve learned that only some of it you need, some of it is optional, some of it is only necessary in a certain context. And some of it will work great in some cases and actually be harmful in other.

Maybe obsolete isn’t the right word. Maybe incomplete or inadequate, or “not the whole story” would have been better.

CHAPTER FOUR. MM IS COMPREHENSIVE

Ren: Woooooow. That’s EXACTLY what’s awesome about MM. It IS comprehensive. It’s a guideline of what to do from meet to sex. It has the same structure as the beginning-middle-end of a story.

Mystery white board

Mystery with a diagram of his method. Looks complicated, but the idea’s simple: attract first (A), build comfort second (C), save seduction for last (S). More on this below.

Like storytellers, pickup artists can use the MM structure to give them the freedom to use his imagination to create his own “stories” with his own style.

There’s so much flexibility within the MM structure. As evidenced by all the guys who came after and added to him.

How else do you explain why Mystery’s trained more master pickup artists than any other? OR changed the lives of countless men who felt they were hopeless with women, like me?

IP: All the respect to Mystery, no doubt. But look at what happened with many of those guys—they wound up developing their own styles and methods. You look at someone like Tyler Durden/RSD, for instance, and what he teaches now bears almost no resemblance to MM, as far as infield action.

1. MM’s Comprehensive Allows For Different Styles

Ren: So? That’s how it is with any art. A teacher teaches you a skill, but you don’t master it until you make it your own. RSD may have their own style, but they still use the fundamentals of MM: create sexual tension, be the man, entice her to chase, attract first, build comfort second, seduce last.

IP: Remember there were and are tons of guys who did not succeed with MM, and eventually turned to other things, or turned their back on game altogether and joined PUAHate and whatnot.

Ren: If a guy starts learning piano and gives up does that invalidate piano? Just means he gave up.

If a guy doesn’t make the basketball team, does it invalidate basketball? Just means he didn’t make the cut.

If a guy never got his black-belt in martial arts, does it invalidate martial arts? It means he stopped going.

Same with people who had turned to PUAHate. Instead of looking at himself and how he could he improve, he blames an outside force, gets bitter and instead of growing just complains. It’s called sour grapes.

Sour Grapes

“Sour Grapes make the best whine.” Hehe. So damn true. Especially for the guys over at puahate.com.

Now, if MM is as specialized as you say, how do you explain him having his own TV show?

IP: Don’t go by TV. They’re in it for shock value and entertainment and money, nothing more.

Ren: Blanket statement, maybe? I’m not citing TV as an authority. I’m talking from the producer’s point-of-view. If I’m a producer who wants to create a show that appeals to a mass audience, I’d want it it to have mass appeal. If MM was so specialized, how could he have that mass appeal?

Maybe our disagreements boil down to where we’ve been practicing game. Maybe your focus has been on one-on-one day game, whereas my practice has revolved around approaching women in groups at night.

IP: I do approach small groups, 2-3 max. But I approach those groups usually with wing men available. I generally avoid mixed sets.

Ren: Maybe that’s why you say MM is obsolete, then. Because you’re afraid of trying it out. It’s definitely a different energy during the day. I know trying out MM’s been a life-changer for me.

IP: Note the higher energy in the night. More physical style like RSD succeed very well in the night game, so again it’s relative.

Ren: I feel like we’re going around in circles. We already established that. No one’s arguing you only have to approach indirectly. MM is just a proven guideline that works, a flexible structure with fundamentals. You can adapt that to all sorts of contexts.

IP: Well, a lot of it was off the mark, and other PUAs have learned it’s unnecessary. You say it’s comprehensive, but it’s not.

2. MM Shows All The Classic Mistakes Men Make With Women

Ren: How come MM explains every mistake a guy makes with a woman using each step:

  • The Mr. Nice Guy who approaches in comfort: “come here often?” By skipping attraction.

Below, the Nice Guy: he opens in comfort without bothering to spark interest/attraction first. And he hides the fact he’s being nice to get sex.

  • The Creepy Guy who approaches in seduction: “let’s fuck,” or just stares with lust. By skipping attraction and comfort and opening in seduction.
Mistake Creepy guy

The Creepy Guy. He opens in Seduction, before attracting or building comfort.

 

  • The guy who attracts, but gets stuck in comfort because he doesn’t kino escalate: the Friend Zone. By opening in attraction, builds comfort never moves to seduction.
mistake friend zone

The Friend Zone. He may have attracted her and built comfort, but he stays in comfort because he fears physically escalating.

  • The Player who attracts, but skips comfort and rushes to seduction: girl feeling buyer’s remorse, not returning his calls. By opening in attraction but skipping comfort.
Mistake how to be a player

The Player. He attracts, but skips comfort, and goes straight for seduction. He might get sex and rack up the women, but they usually have buyer’s remorse afterwards.

 

The idea is so damn simple.

  • Attract a woman FIRST before seducing or building comfort. Get some sexual chemistry going.
  • Build comfort and get to know her, second.
  • Then make a move (never in public, always in private) into a mutual seduction, third.

Simple, elegant, practical. Explains each mistake and how to solve them.

Also, it shows guys what the mating ritual looks like.

Every time we fall in love, regardless of place, time, we go through this process. We’re first attracted. We get to know the person. Then we seduce.

In fact, Desmond Morris, the zoologist who studied human behavior like any other animal, observed in “The Naked Ape” that the human mating ritual goes through three phases:

  1. Pair formation (courtship, or the attraction and comfort phases),
  2. Precopulatory activity (foreplay), and
  3. Copulation (sex).

He says it’s not always done in that order. For example, look at pre-arranged marriages. Husband and wife have sex before building a connection. But couples in a sexual relationship do go through the stages eventually.

Morris also observed that courtship last waaaay longer in humans than in animals.

Nakedape

Desmond Morris, the zoologist, made a similar observation as Mystery: the human mating ritual goes through three main stages.

What was before a mysterious process about HOW to be more successful with women on purpose (not on accident), has become like turning on the light in the dark so we’re not fumbling around.

Like a story structure, you fill MM out however you like. Just like the universal structure of story. Just as there are an infinite amount of stories, there are an infinite amount of ways to fill out MM.

3. MM Is Linear AND Cyclical

IP: Attraction-Comfort-Seduction. I personally find that model too linear. I think of the seduction process as more cyclical.

Ren: Cyclical?

IP: Yes, balancing comfort and stimulation.

Ren: Um, that’s already part of MM. He calls it microcalibration. Even in comfort you’ve still got to be a bit of a challenge. Throughout attraction, comfort, and seduction you balance the “neg” part of things with interest, appreciation, connection.

Mystery on Microcalibration: the “cyclical” aspect of MM

In fact, that right there is THE unifying principle that binds attraction-comfort-and seduction together. As well as taking the lead and being the man all along the way.

IP: My way is so much simpler. I discuss my model of attraction and seduction in my ebook Introverted Seduction.

Ren: Yeah, “Introverted Seduction.” Why do you call yourself “Introverted Playboy” anyway, and your book “Introverted Seduction”?

4. MM Is For Introverts AND Extroverts

 

Introvert vs extrovert 2

The point isn’t to stay introverted or extroverted, but to grow.

IP: Because it’s geared towards introverts. Introverted guys have unique challenges and strengths in game. People think we have a handicap in game, but with practice, we can excel. We just have to play to our strengths, and not act like extroverts.

So, my book’s about how you don’t have to wear furry hats, paint your fingernails black, run routines, or neg. It’s meant for men who like to spend time alone and enjoy quiet conversations with one or two people. So I wrote this book about how introverts can succeed with women.

Ren: By remaining introverted.

IP: Right. Be true to who you are.

Ren: First of all, you’re confusing the man with the method. Mystery the man has that style. You can still have your own style and learn MM. MM, on the other hand, is just a guideline you can adapt to fit that style of yours.

Second, did Jung have in mind to stay introverted when he invented those labels “Introversion” and “Extroversion”? I thought his point was to become a more integrated human being. Not to remain the same. To integrate some of the energy you’re deficient into your personality, so you can grow.

Carl Jung (1875-1961), the psychologist who invented the terms "introvert" and "extrovert." We weren't meant to stay the same, but to become more integrated persons.

Carl Jung (1875-1961), the psychologist who invented the terms “introvert” and “extrovert.” We  might lead with one temperament, but we have the ability to be both. The point is to integrate both energies into our personalities.

IP: No, it’s about knowing your strengths and playing to those. It’s about not pretending to be someone you’re not, and being true to yourself.

Ren: Mystery was a big-time introvert before he taught himself game. To this day he’s an introvert. You have to be to invent something like MM. But he also now knows how to be outgoing, too. In other words, he’s become a more “whole” person.

Same with Neil Strauss. Big-time introvert before he learned game. After he learned game, he also learned how to bring out his personality better.

David DeAngelo was an introvert. Ross Jeffries was an introvert. Brad P was an introvert. Tyler Durden was an introvert.

I’d say most of us who learn game started as nerdy introverts. I’m an introvert myself.

I don’t think any of us would say we’re pretending to be someone we’re not after learning how to be more extroverted. I think we’d all say we’ve learned to become a more well-rounded human being, who knows how to bring out his best self.

MM is for introverts by an introvert. It helps introverts break out of that comfort zone. AND extroverts learn a shit load too. For example, the winner of the first season of “VH1’s The Pickup Artist,” Cosmo, was a natural extrovert.

Below is a video of Cosmo. He gives an example of a qualifier in it. Only thing I’d disagree with him is they’re NOT meant to bring down someone’s “value.” Qualifiers are more about helping a girl step down from her pedestal, if she’s on one, so you and her can now talk human-being-to-human-being.

 

IP: Well sometimes a guy doesn’t want to be an extrovert. I’m not saying Mystery’s model doesn’t work or can’t work. I’m just saying it’s rigid and limiting.

Ren: No, man. Just the opposite. MM’s super flexible. You can adapt it to your own personality and any context you’d like.

Or, are you saying it’s not good to have structure at all? That all structure is rigid and limiting?

5. MM’s Structure Gives You Freedom

What often happens when we have no structure, direction, or map.

What happens when there’s no structure, direction, map.

IP: I prefer to be intuitive about it. You don’t need a structure.

Ren: But structure’s what keeps the universe in place. It keeps the body in place. It keeps a story in place. It keeps music in place. And it keeps game in place.

And the beautiful thing about structure is it’s as flexible as a tree bending in the wind.

Not only that but having a structure allows you to take the lead. It’s like a map that helps you know where to go next. Otherwise, without a structure, you’d get into these fumbling, go-nowhere conversations.

Ironically, it’s having no structure that’s limiting. Structure sets you free.

IP: Structure sets you free? How’s that possible?

Ren: Imagine a bridge between two cliffs. That’s what structure is. Without the bridge in place you can’t get anywhere, and you might drown in the water below.

Broken Bridge

What having no structure is like. Can’t go anywhere.

Now, if you have a wobbly bridge, you won’t be able to walk across it with a lot of confidence. But if you have a strong bridge, now you can dance and have the freedom to be yourself. It’s counter-intuitive, but a strong structure gives you more freedom.

When striking up conversations with with strangers, it’s especially helpful to have a plan. Knowing what to do first, second, and third allows you to lead an interaction to a destination.

IP: Well, I think MM creates unnecessary extra steps that just get in the way. As many have said over the years, his teachings are complicated and contain unnecessary, superfluous material. It’s too complicated and completely anti-intuitive.

6. MM Is A Backwards Rationalization Of An Intuitive Process

Ren: Nope. You’re looking at MM through the lens of other people’s labels and misunderstanding, rather than taking the time to understand MM itself.

MM is the result of Mystery looking back on all his successful pickups and seeing a pattern. Certain things happened again and again when he succeeded. When he failed, he found that pattern wasn’t in place. That pattern became the Mystery Method.

And any skill seems it’s complicated at first. If you read about about how to drive a car, you’d probably think it’s too complicated and anti-intuitive. But after you practice those steps, it becomes intuitive. It’s helpful to have steps as a teaching tool until talking to women becomes intuitive.

Written down, driving a car seems counter-intuitive and complicated. The more you drive a car, the more intuitive it becomes, until you're driving 70 miles an hour eating a bowl of ice cream. Okay, you're right. Maybe not such a good idea.

Driving a car seems counter-intuitive and complicated at first. The instructions are meant for beginners. The more you practice the guidelines, the more “second nature” it becomes. Until you’re driving 87 miles an hour while texting. Not recommending that.

IP: Well, there’s just too much superfluous material.

7. Every Step In MM Has A Purpose

Ren: Like?

IP: A1, A2, A3… way to complex.

Ren: What does each of those refer to?

IP: A1 Open, A2 DHV, A3 qualify.

Attraction

Attraction: it works the same way as electricity or magnetism. Opposite forces attract. Like forces repel. Masculine energy attracts the feminine. And playful conflict attracts more than being completely alike and perfectly nice.

Ren: Each one totally necessary and has a purpose.

I’ve gotta share this cool experiment with you. Did you hear about this by Arthur Aron at SUNY-Stony Brook on what makes two people fall in love?

IP: No…

Ren: Oh, it’s so cool. You know what her found out? He discovered there are three things makes us fall in love: sexual tension, mutual self-disclosure, and to discover the other person likes you for legitimate reasons.

When I first read this, it blew me away, because this is exactly what A2 and A3 refer to.

You do only two things in A2: a) create sexual tension with your target through negs (or play-fighting) and b) self-disclose yourself to her friends through DHV (or sharing yourself).

A3 is the mirror image of A2. By sharing yourself first in A2, you’re in a better position to ask about herself, by qualifying her. After she answers your question, you give a “Statement-Of-Interest,” telling her you like her, and make her feel liked for legitimate reasons.

The entire purpose of the attract phase: spark sexual tension, mutual self-disclosure, so you can make her feel liked for legitimate reasons.

The real genius of A1, A2, and A3 is it ALSO answers four basic questions people ask themselves (credit: hilarious and insightful blogger BossyMoksie) whenever a stranger approaches them out of the blue:

  1. Why is he approaching me? (Or, what does he want from us?)
  2. How long am I going to be stuck with him? (Or, hopefully we’re not stuck with him.)
  3. Who is he?
  4. What can he do for me?

A1, the opener, answers the first two questions. First, you “root” yourself, i.e. let them know why you’re approaching.

You can be honest and direct: “You guys looked cool and I wanted to introduce myself” or “I’ve got this rule that whenever I see someone attractive, I’ve gotta say hi.”

Or, you’re approaching because you’re being outgoing, friendly, out meeting everyone.

Or, you’re approaching because you want to get a female opinion on something…

Below’s the REAL origin of the classic opinion opener “Who lies more, men or women?” at about 4:15

Whatever the reason, people won’t hear a word of what you’re saying unless they know why you’re talking with them first.

Second, give some kind of a time constraint. This can be verbal: “I’ve only got a sec.”

Or, through your body language: if your feet are turned away from them it communicates you’re not going to be there forever. In fact, you’re on your way out.

My favorite constraint’s to play-fight within the second sentence out my mouth. This is my favorite because it’s all about positive energy. Positive energy is the #1 thing to attract. It’s the male equivalent to big tits.

Third, open within 3 seconds to avoid being the Creepy Guy who stares or stalks. Really he’s being “The Nice Guy.” He waits for the woman to leave her group so he can catch her alone and hit on her… Much better to disarm the group using stories and humor that shows a non-insulting LACK of interest.

That’s all A1 is. Opening within 3 seconds, hooking a set by rooting yourself, and giving a constraint. Once you do that, you’re into A2.

And A2 is all about introducing yourself. It answers their next two questions:

You’re telling the group who you are. And…

…by initiating an interesting topic of conversation (DHV) while bringing humor to the table (negs), you’re giving the group value.

Once you introduce yourself it’s natural to ask about them… and you’re off into A3.

Brilliant. It works in any context you can imagine. And you can fill this structure out however you like.

IP: Well, what about C1, C2, C3…?

Comfort

Comfort: getting to know each other, and building a connection.

Ren: C1, C2, and C3 are distinguished by location.

C1 takes place in the pickup venue. It’s also the secret to getting a solid phone number. Which is spending 25-40 minutes with her.

Getting a number in three minutes WILL flake. ‘Cause she doesn’t know you. Spending time getting to know her (25-40 minutes) gives her reason to pick up the phone.

But why play phone game at all when you can “time bridge”? That means NOT waiting to make a date later, but right there and then when you have her in person. It’s the opposite of what most guys do. It’s smart.

C2 is about visiting 3-5 venues with her. They’re neither in the pickup location nor the sex location. This builds more trust than spending the same amount of time with her in one place. If she sees you in only the venue you met as strangers, you’ll still feel like strangers. If you go to places together, well, you’re going into them “together.” You’re no longer strangers.

And THAT’S the secret to inviting her back to your place. Take her to multiple places. Then when you invite her to you place, she’ll accept because it’s just one more place.

Also, C2 means NOT waiting to kiss her at the end of the night. Be kissing already. Be touching each other already. That way when you go for foreplay in S1, it’s not an awkward move but an organic one.

C3 begins once she’s accepted your invitation to come back to your place and she’s alone with you there.

C3 means having a non-sexual reason for inviting her up: check out my aquarium, check out that movie we talked about, play that song on my guitar for you. Allow her to plausibly deny she’s coming up for sex. Let her save face and not appear “slutty.”

C3 also means NOT pouncing her when she’s at your place. For example, check your messages. Get her a drink. Put on a movie, play her a song on your guitar, play the home version of Dance, Dance Revolution. Or tell each other’s grounding stories. The grounding story can also be done in C2, but it’s often done in C3.

C3 continues to build comfort and trust, because you’re NOT pouncing as soon as she’s alone with you. By not pouncing, it builds sexual tension. She’s more likely to pounce on you!

IP: And S1, S2, and S3?

Seduction

Seduction: Woo-hoo!

Ren: S1 is foreplay.

Foreplay

Foreplay: emotional connection turns into a physical connection.

S1 is the rule to NOT make out until you’re in private.

S1 also includes the idea that foreplay is about teasing her. Smelling her hair for five minutes without touching her. Not going directly to her sexual spots. To inch toward them but take detours, building even more sexual tension. Taking two steps forward, one step back. Making her want it more and more.

Don't skip foreplay

Why we should never skip foreplay.

S2 is female psychology 101 about why her “Last Minute Resistance” to sex comes up.

The reason: it feels like our First Minute Resistance to approaching.

She doesn’t want to be perceived as a slut. She wants to know you’re gonna stick around after sex. Not necessarily get married, but to know the option is hers.

Why Last Minute Resistance comes up.

Why Last Minute Resistance comes up.

So, S2 is all about empathy. It’s about not forcing the issue, or making her feel guilty, or logic-ing her to death about why she should have sex. It’s about agreeing with her, then trying again later until she feels comfortable.

The point’s to let her know you’re going to stick around after sex. And that the notion of “slut” is double-standard bullshit.

The best way to deal with LMR is preemptively, though. By hinting you’ll stick around sex throughout the comfort phase before the issue might come up later.

Finally, S3 is first time sex.

Foreplay and the sex

Giving her great sex.

It’s about being choosy who you have sex with. To have sex with someone you want to see again. If you’re polyamorous, she can be one of your girlfriends (and that means being upfront with her that you’re in a “dating” phase of your life, it does NOT mean sneaking around) or if you want one girlfriend, maybe she’s it.

The point is: practice up until S2. Only cross the line to S3 if you want to see her again.

See how comprehensive MM is? How flexible and adaptable it is?

IP: It does make sense.

Ren: Tell me about it!

8. MM Uses Routines AND Spontaneous Conversation

Pianist 1960,art,illustration,painting,pianist,robert,mcginnis-854a9e089136770de54ef515257917e8_h

Routines are like a pianist learning a piece by Mozart or an actor learning his lines or a cook learning a recipe. You can focus on your delivery. Based on that foundation you can make up your own stuff. We mix routines and spontaneous conversation all the time.

IP: But maybe his style is useful for beginners who need specific words, stories, questions to get conversations going and to transition into more interesting interactions.

Routines are useful only if they’re unique to you. Ultimately, I think everyone should cultivate their ability for spontaneous communication in the moment.

Ren: I’ve been practicing pickup for awhile. I still use MM, routines, AND spontaneous together.

You’re not saying you’re above routines, are you? That it’s only for beginners? Because all of us rely on routines everyday.

When we say “Hi, how are you” or “thank-you” those are routines. When we tell the story about “why I chose to live in the state of Maine” again because we’ve polished it and we know it works, that’s a routine. Comedians use routines, too.

Then we can build on that foundation of a routine to make up our own stuff. But we always use routines and spontaneous communication together.

I also like routines because it teaches you to tell a story so well that you bring out your personality. You get to concentrate on your delivery like an actor. You can concentrate on your body language, your facial expression, your tone. The emotional communication.

Pickup is a performance art. It’s a way to become your best self. MM gives you the tools to do this.

CHAPTER FIVE.
HAVE YOU TRIED MM?

Ren: Now, I’ve gotta ask. Have you even tried MM out, or is everything you know about it hearsay?

NO RESPONSE.

Ren: Introverted Playboy? Hello?

NO RESPONSE.

CONCLUSION

The Mystery Method isn’t obsolete. It’s a message that originated in marketing to compete with Mystery. They had to knock him down to make themselves look better. Some guys bought into this and seem to use it as an excuse not to try it at all. Instead of taking the time to understand MM, they ignore the treasure trove that’s in it.

Worse, those who who’ve bought into the intellectual masturbation around the messages probably haven’t even tried it. They prefer direct, one-on-one day game because it’s safer.

Another theme behind this message: there are no universals, everything is a free-for-all. That was the same argument the sophists had put forth in ancient Athens: there’s no truth, everything is relative. It confused the Athenians then, it confuses guys today.

Socrates and the sophists

The obsession with the newest, shiniest thing is not unlike claiming there are no objective standards. Of course there’s room for change. But without standards or fundamentals you’ve got no basis to build on.

Even in Einstein’s theory of relativity, there are universals. Without the universal of the speed of light, the relativity of time and space doesn’t work.

There are universals underlying game, and there are fundamentals. That’s what the Mystery Method is about. The fundamentals. It’s not the be-all and end-all. It’s like the beginning-middle-ending structure story-tellers use to tell stories.

The structure’s flexible and there’s lots of room for invention. In fact, it’s structure that frees an artist to invent. Much of the new developments in pickup are possible because of the foundation MM laid down.

Rather than talk about it, try it. You’ll see for yourself.

It works.

The Mystery Method isn't obsolete, because it's about the fundamentals.

The Mystery Method isn’t obsolete, because it’s about the fundamentals.

 
 

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