Quote – “Radical Honesty,” by Brad Blanton

Dr. Brad Blanton, author of "Radical Honesty"

Dr. Brad Blanton, author of “Radical Honesty”

Before I give you the quote, quick background.

I just finished reading “Radical Honesty,” by Brad Blanton. Highly recommended.

Here’s the basic premise:

At heart we’re Being. There’s nothing mysterious or mystical about Being. It’s just the sensate being in the body.

However, our parents, teachers, priests, media taught us how things SHOULD be and how we SHOULD act. We grew a “mind.” In a word, we became “moralistic.”

We went from living as Being to living in the mind. We lie to ourselves and to others to keep up a false image that fits the way we SHOULD be. We suffer, we inflict suffering, and kill ourselves as a result.

The way out of this prison is to tell the truth. Telling the truth sets us free to return to Being. We become more alive, at peace, and creative. And telling the truth reveals that underneath all the bullshit we thought separated each other, we are all Beings in common. Honesty also brings relationships back to life, too.

Not only did this book make me (painfully) aware of moralism and how it’s everywhere… in me, in you, everywhere.. it gave me an insight into the “Mr. Nice Guy” syndrome. As you and I know that isn’t exactly a recipe for success with women.

Nice Guys tend to pretend to be more “perfect” than they really are. If you’ve ever wondered how to cure the syndrome, telling the truth might be the way.

While I was reading “Radical Honesty,” I read Tucker Max’s “Hilarity Ensues” at the same. Turned out, Tucker was the perfect companion. He proved over and over how his honesty won him the girl at the end again and again.

You know Tucker’s WILD success with women, right?

tuckermax your face here

Well, if you read my post “Lessons From Tucker Max,” you’ll see I quote him talking about how he thinks it’s his honesty that is one of the two keys to his success with women.

It’s also what makes his stories so great. It’s entertaining and refreshing seeing someone having the balls to tell the truth.

Now, why would telling the truth work so well, especially when it comes to women? I don’t know the exact answer, but here are some guesses:

Honesty challenges the status quo and breaks you out of the seeking-other- people’s-approval herd. Attractive.

Makes you free, strong, ballsy, a leader, authentic, and alive. Definitely attractive.

Not only that it puts women at ease. The question “what does he want from me?” won’t come up, because it’s out in the open. It makes you more trustable, allows her to be more honest with you, and calms her. Um, SUPER attractive.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. It’s easy to talk about it. It’s a hell of a lot harder to actually DO it. And you’re absolutely right. People will condemn you…

Brad Blanton getting arrested

Brad Blanton getting arrested

…in the short term. But in the long term you’re living a life of integrity, of truth.

Blanton suggests these three action steps to actually PRACTICE being more honest. So you can release your Being from the prison of your mind:

STEP ONE. REVEAL THE FACTS: Any facts you’ve been withholding from someone, tell them about it. For example, if you cheated on someone, reveal that fact to them. This clears up the lies from your past. And it eliminates any false image of self you’ve been presenting to them.

STEP TWO. BE HONEST ABOUT CURRENT FEELINGS AND FACTS: Admit how you feel when you feel it. Speak secret judgments of others out loud. Reveal your shadow. Keeping the shadow inside, it persists and becomes a poison. Releasing it out into the open, it dies and keeps you clean. Like an internal bath.

STEP THREE. EXPOSE THE FICTION: This is the practice of demythologizing yourself. Praise yourself openly, rather than manipulate praise. Confess your putrid vanity. Admit you’re a liar. Admit you don’t know. And fend off the ego. Over and over and over again. It’s about fading egotism away. A battle that never ends.

And that’s exactly what the quote I wanted to share with you is about:

“At level three, you have to get over your new egotism about having made it to level three. Once you come off it two or three times and admit your pretentiousness, and you get to thinking you are pretty virtuous, you must then own up to the fact that owning up to the facts is not a virtue, just growth.” (page 79, “Radical Honesty”)

That quote completely shook me up.

As soon as you think you’re so great for telling the truth you’re back in the prison of the mind. It’s not about being “virtuous.” It’s about getting back to Being. And growing.

Absolutely love it.

Brad Blanton RadicalHonesty

Identity, Part 4: Your Goal Statement

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There’s an insight from David Deida that’s similar to this.

A man who knows his deepest purpose in life and gives his deepest gifts to the world is a superior man. As it so happens this kind of man also attracts women. As a byproduct though, not as the goal.

The idea is this. Having purpose seeps into every interaction you have with women: from the approach all the way to how you lead her in bed. She feels your strong purposiveness on an unconscious level, and it attracts her.

Why?

Because having purpose is what gives a man his masculinity. And masculinity attracts the feminine, in the same way the north pole of a magnet attracts the south pole.

That was David Deida’s idea at least. And if that’s true… which I think it is… the next question becomes:

HOW do you find your deepest purpose?

Excellent question. And that’s what this post is all about. Deida suggests either sitting in silence and solitude, or challenging yourself, living life on the edge.

And all I’ve gotta say is, Amen to that bro.

But I’ve also found that making a list of goals helps a lot, too. For me, it focuses me. I recently came across a set of questions that really helped me to get clear on my own purpose, and I wanted to pass them along to you, too.

Here they are:

1) What are five things you want to accomplish in the next 3 months?

1._______________________________________________________________________

2._______________________________________________________________________

3._______________________________________________________________________

4._______________________________________________________________________

5._______________________________________________________________________

2) Which is THE most important? Second most? Third most? Fourth most? Fifth most?

  1.  _____________________________________________________________
  2. _____________________________________________________________
  3. _____________________________________________________________
  4. _____________________________________________________________
  5. _____________________________________________________________

3) How can you make the goals as specific as possible? For example, instead of saying “I want to lose weight,” a SPECIFIC goal would be “I want to 20 pounds.” There’s something about NUMBERS that makes goals more specific. Makes them measurable at least.

4) What’s the deadline? That’s easy. Whatever date is 3 months from now.

By the way, why have a deadline?

Makes the difference between “Someday it would be nice to…” to driving the goals to COMPLETION.

Deadline: ____________________________________________________________

5) What’s my action plan? What do I have to do each day to drive the goals to completion? So, if your goal is to lose 20 pounds, an action plan might be working out 6 days a week for 20 minutes and eating within 2000 calories per day.

Action Plan #1. ________________________________________________________________

Action Plan #2. ________________________________________________________________

Action Plan #3. ________________________________________________________________

Action Plan #4. ________________________________________________________________

Action Plan #5. ________________________________________________________________

Then do that activity EACH DAY. Each tiny little shovel of dirt each day moves mountains.

Once you complete those five goals, you get to make a new set of goals. Yipee! Haha

And here’s another great tip I learned from Eben Pagan, the guy behind David DeAngelo. Do whatever is the MOST important goal on your list… FIRST thing when you wake up in the morning. And make sure to do it for at least one hour of focused, uninterrupted time. No email, phone calls, text messages during that hour. Just focus on that one goal for an hour, two hours if you can, then take a 10 or 20 minute break. That way if anything gets you off track during your day, at least you’ve got that important thing done already. This has personally helped me A LOT to actually get my goals done.

6) What motto might inspire you to stay on track? “Now is the time, not later, but now?” “Drive to Completion?” “Just Do It?” “Nose to the grindstone?” “Stick with it until I get it?” “Keep it simple?” Some other motto? I’ve been writing a motto that inspires me next to my list of goals. This helps, too.

Then I read those goals daily, morning and night if I’m good. I’m not always perfect at it though. And I don’t always like reading them either. Some days I’ll even say to myself “is it really necessary to read my goals today? I already know what they are.”

But when I read them anyway, I’m always glad I do. Only takes five minutes… or less. It gets the focus back. Reminds me of the big picture. Keeps me on track. And makes it so the goals actually become something like a self-fulfilling prophesy.

One last awesome question I want to share with you.

7) What’s the larger vision of your life? For example, what will your life look like 3 years from now? What will you be doing for a career? Where will you be living? How much will you make in month?

And this can be WHATEVER the hell you want to be. If you hear a voice that sounds vaguely like your friends and family that say “can’t” or “impossible” or “stupid” (I hear it all the time) SQUASH THAT MO FO! Replace the phrase “I can’t” with the question “how can I?” It totally shifts your consciousness from impossible to possible. I learned that piece of gold from Robert Kiyosaki (“Rich Dad Poor Dad”).

Anyway, this question is a lot of fun to answer because you get to let your imagination run free.

By the way, speaking of your larger vision, something I learned from Michael J. Fox of all people: He said he was happier, more awake, and more alive when he was helping the world become more aware of “Parkinson’s Disease” than when  he was a big movie star with like six porsches.

What I took from that is: it almost seems like a person’s happiness is connected with something that’s larger than the self. Something that allows you to give back to the world in someway.

So, maybe your larger vision will revolve around this, giving your gifts to something higher than the self?

Now that doesn’t mean being a self-righteous crusader or sacrificing your self for others. Just the opposite. It means making yourself strong first (read: lighting yourself up from within) so you can’t help but shine your light to to the world.

It’s like one of my favorite quotes, which comes from Gil Bailie: “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

And didn’t Jesus say something similar this, too? Something about not putting your light under a bushel, but to let it shine let it shine let it shine? Another one of my favorite quotes, this time from Marianne Williamson in her book “A Return To Love,” reminds me of Jesus’s saying: “And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”

I think that’s what having the larger vision is all about. Giving your deepest gifts to the world.

I know I just went off there. But this point means a lot to me. And what was my point?

Just that making a list of goals and breaking them down into daily action steps has worked WONDERS for me. It’s been a life changer. It’s helped me to get my life on track. So, I wanted to share it with you.

Try it out. You’ll love it. Your deepest purpose becomes clearer, and you already start giving your deepest gifts to the world. Having purpose makes us more masculine. Again the byproduct (not so much the goal) is you attract women, too.

Very nice.

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Cassino Guillermo Interviewed Me!

conversation

Cassino and I recorded a conversation last week. It was a lot of fun. I spilled a lot of my best stuff. We talked about dating multiple women, and what my ebook (should be out by May) is about. There’s some great, useful stuff in our talk. Check it out!

http://sexhypnosis.co.uk/renaissan-pua-talks-about-new-book-and-dating-multiple-women/

Lose Weight, Gain Muscle

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I know they say don’t judge a book by its cover, but a good looking cover doesn’t hurt… especially when it comes to attracting women.

I mean, seriously, you can like fuck up your approach… and lose steam 15 minutes in… but if you’ve got a great presence, the girl will still be interested in you. I got this concept of “presence” from Brad P.

Part of having a great presence is taking care of your body (other parts: body language, fashion, grooming).

Anyway, the reason I’m even bringing all this up at all is because I just found out I passed my personal trainer final exam. I’m now a certified personal trainer!  Puh-Pow

In celebration, I wanna share some stuff I learned along the way about getting fit and staying fit.

Yes, yes, I know. Personality attracts women more than physical looks. You’re absolutely right. But like I said, having a nice physique doesn’t hurt either.

For one, women read into things. They’ll ask, “What does this guy’s physical appearance SAY about him?” Where we’re like “Ooh, nice tits,” they’re like “He’s wearing white socks with black shoes… what’s THAT say about him?”

blackshoeswhitesocks

So, if you’ve got your health handled, what message do you send? Exactly. You’ve got your life handled, too. That’s attractive.

For two, more important than attracting women, getting a nice body is important because, well, the woman is kinda right. Get your health together, and it’s a good sign you’re getting your life together, too. Making time to exercise and eating right honest-to-God helps you get your whole LIFE into shape.

For three, a woman who takes care of herself is attractive to us…

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…right?

Same damn thing for them.

And for four, probably the best part of it all, getting your health handled gives you an added strut of confidence to your inner-game. Sweet.

Oh, one last thing before I spill the good stuff.

I got my certificate through ISSA (Internal Sports Science Association)…

issa_logo

There’s a lot of places to become a trainer, but most of them are crap. There’s only five or seven places that’s recognized as credible… and ISSA is one of them. The textbook I had to read was 600 pages and my final exam was a practicum (110 pages of written) and 200 multiple choice questions. They’re serious.

So, here’s the good stuff. You only really need three things to get a kick-ass physique. They are:

1. Right Food

2. Right Exercise

3. Consistency

That’s it.

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I just put that there because that’s a nice looking stomach. Plus the words are kinda true too.

Eat right AND exercise consistently. You’ll get damn good results from that. No short cuts or magic bullets. Just good old fashioned work. Then, if you wanna keep the results you got, make all this a lifelong habit.

Now let’s take each of these three things and break it down.

Right Food

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I remember this one time I was trying to lose weight and I exercised every day. After about a month or so I was the same weight. I was like “what the hell?” Then I looked at what I had been eating.

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Um, no wonder I wasn’t losing weight.

Exercise all you want, but if your diet sucks, you ain’t gonna be losing any weight.

Not only that, I had this girlfriend once who told me she ate whatever she wanted while exercising and she lost weight. Yeah, right. But let’s say the miraculous happened. Guess what happened after she stopped exercising? Welcome back thirty pounds!

Abs are made in the kitchen. 70% of losing weight and keeping it off is in what you what.

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How do you eat right? Here’s the Top Ten List I follow.

1. Find Out How Many Calories Your Body Burns A Day, and Eat Within That. Here’s a way you can figure this out right now:

STEP 1: Calculate your Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR). If you were to lay down all day and do nothing, this is the number of calories you would burn. It’s the basic amount of calories you need to be alive: breathe, pump blood, grow hair, blink.

_________________ (Your Body Weight) x 10 =  _________________ (BMR in calories)

STEP 2: Calculate your daily activity burn. These are the calories you need for your daily movement, but without the exercise.

_______________ (Your BMR) x 20% =  ___________________ (Your Daily Activity Burn)

STEP 3. Add the calories you need for exercise. You’ll burn anywhere between 300 – 600 calories, depending on how long and how intense you exercise. Let’s take the number 300.

_________ (Your BMR) +  ________ (Daily Activity Burn) + 300 = ______ (Energy Amount)

STEP 4. Find your energy amount in the table below to determine your daily caloric needs.

  1. Your Energy Amount
  1. Caloric Level
  1. 1,800 – 2,399
  1. 1,800 calories/day
  1. 2,400 – 2,999
  1. 2,400 calories/day
  1. 3,000+
  1. 3,000 calories/day

YOUR DAILY CALORIC NEEDS = ______________________

Eat that amount in calories each day.

It’s a numbers game. Expend more calories than you consume, you’ll lose weight. 3,500 calories make up a pound of fat. Burn 200-300 of these fat calories a day, and you’ll get there. It’ll take some time. 90 days of this and you’ll see awesome results.

Oh, and by the way, as you lose weight, your daily caloric needs will change. So, recalculate when necessary.

2. Eat 5- 6 Meals a Day. Divide “Your Daily Caloric Needs” by either 5 or 6. Eat that many calories for each meal.

The idea is simple. When you eat a lot of small meals throughout the day, your body is working a lot. Your body becomes like a sauna… which burns more calories. When you don’t eat a lot, your body thinks “starvation mode.” Instead of burning the calories, it starts storing them up so you don’t starve later. Your metabolism drops. Eat more meals (each of moderate size), and your metabolism rises.

Think of a horse that grazes throughout the day. They’re lean. Now think of a bear that binges and then goes for days or even months without eating. They’re fat. Same thing with us. By the way, I got that image from Bill Phillips, author of “Body For Life.”

Horse-with-Bear-Hat

Okay, well, maybe not THAT image, but you know what I mean.

Anyway… to get a lean body you want to be a grazer, not a binger. So, graze. Meaning, eat a small meal or a snack every 2 hours (no more than 3 hours). That’s about how long it takes for your body to digest a meal.

Here’s another reason to eat 5 – 6 “meals” a day. There’s less of a temptation to binge. When you let a long time pass between meals, don’t you get super-hungry? I do! I mean, after starving yourself, you can’t even help it. You WANT to binge. But if the time between your meals is small, like two hours, you’re more likely to eat a moderate meal. It’s all about moderation.

That’s one of my favorite sayings by the ancient Greeks: “Everything in moderation.” It’s here in America, land of “Super-Size,” where our food portions are so huge. Everything is either Jumbo Size, Super Size, Extra Large or a Double Big Gulp. But our bodies just don’t NEED that much food. It feels weird at first to stop eating when you’re full. But that’s the secret. Eat only as much as you NEED.

I’ve got a great story about this.

A college girlfriend I had, who may or may not have been a little chubby… and who I may or may have expressed I wanted to breakup (not because of the weight) before we left for summer break… came back after the break not chubby anymore. I was like “holy shit!” I asked her how she did it. She said she had listened to her body. She said when her body said it was full, she stopped eating. And she looked great. We still broke up. But that’s another story.

3. For Each Meal Eat Carbs, Protein, and Fat.

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credit: http://www.allmaxnutrition.com

It’s not just the quantity of calories that matters though. The QUALITY of proteins is just as, if not MORE important. What does that mean? In EACH meal/snack eat protein, carbs, and unsaturated fat.

Let’s take each one of those groups.

First, carbs. They are THE primary source of fuel. If you don’t eat enough carbs, your body will eat your fat deposits. That’s why the Atkins diet can work at first. The only thing is after your body eats fat, if it still doesn’t have carbs to chow down on, your body starting chowing down on your muscle (and other protein) for fuel. That’s why the Atkins diet can be so damn dangerous. You might lose a ton of weight at first, but chances are high you’ll lose muscle, too.

Another girlfriend I had (man I’m talking a lot about my girlfriends here, huh) told me a story I’ll never forget. She had cut protein out of her diet to lose weight. I can’t remember why. Maybe she was a vegetarian or something. I don’t remember. Anyway, when she noticed she was losing hair, that’s when she decided to starting eating protein again. Hair is made out of protein after all. After she put protein back into her diet, her hair grew back. Thankfully.

Which brings us to the next thing we need in our diet. Protein.

Your body is constantly changing. In 3 months you’ll have a new skeleton, in 5 days a new stomach lining, in 6 weeks your cells in your liver are replaced, in 1 month you’ll have new skin, and in a year 98% of your atoms will be replaced. Now, where does your body get the stuff to replace the old cells with? From the food you eat. Specifically, PROTEIN. Protein is made up of amino acids. Amino acids build your body.

And if you want to gain muscle? Holy crap, protein is a MUST. You tear down your muscle when you lift, but you need protein to build the muscles back bigger and stronger. Whey protein and cottage cheese (surprisingly) are great sources of protein. So are eggs, white meat, fish, and natural almonds.

Finally, we need unsaturated fat, too. Unsaturated fat is the body’s second preferred source of fuel (after carbs are used up). They also pad vital organs and your skeleton, make up cell membranes, and they help absorb fat-soluble vitamins like vitamin A, D, E, and K. Stay away from saturated fats, though. They clog the arteries. Unsaturated fat is where it’s at.

Saturated_Fats-vs-Unsaturated_Fats

But how much of each… carbs, protein, and fat… does the body need?

Great question.

There’s a ratio I learned from ISSA that’s killer. It goes like this. Eat 3 parts carbs, 2 parts protein, 1 part fat. Now, what does THAT mean?

Imagine a pie and cut it into six pieces. Three pieces would be carbs, two pieces would be protein, and only one piece would be fat. This is how you can figure out your own ratio right now:

STEP 1. Calculate how many calories are in a part.

____________ (Your Daily Caloric Needs)  / 6 =  ___________ (Calories per “slice”)

STEP 2. Calculate how many calories you need from each nutrient

How many calories from fat

__________________________ x 1 part = _________________ (Fat)

How many calories from protein

__________________________ x 2 parts = __________________ (Protein)

How many calories from carbs

__________________________ x 3 parts = ___________________ (Carbs)

STEP 3. Convert the calories into grams

Fat grams per day

________ (calories from fat) / 9 calories per gram of fat = ___________ (Fat grams per day)

Protein grams per day

_______ (calories from protein) / 4 calories per gram of protein = ______ (Protein grams per day)

Carb grams per day

_______ (calories from carbs) / 4 calories per gram of carb = ________ (Carb grams per day)

STEP 4. Calculate how much of each nutrient you need per meal

Fat grams per meal

________ (Fat grams per day) / 5 or 6 meals = _____________ (Fat grams per meal)

Protein grams per meal

_______ (Protein grams per day)  / 5 or 6 meals = __________ (Protein grams per meal)

Carb grams per meal

_______ (Carb grams per day) / 5 or 6 meals = ____________ (Carb grams per meal)

Now, make sure to eat that amount of carbs, protein, and unsaturated fat in each meal/snack you eat.

4. Add Veggies to (at least) 2 Meals, And Fruits To (at least) 1 Meal.

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This is another gem I got from Bill Phillips, and it works. Add a portion of vegetables to at least 2 meals every day (a portion is the amount of food that could fit into the palm of your hand). Add at least one portion of fruit to a meal every day.

5. Drink 64 Ounces Of Water Per Day.

water

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Here’s a tip I learned from Eben Pagan the world-famous information-business entrepreneur (and the guy behind David DeAngelo). Drink 16 ounces of water when you first get up. Then drink three more of these glasses throughout the day. That’s a total of about 64 ounces of water total each day (4 16-ounce glasses or 8 8-ounce glasses of water total).

6. Supplement.

Isotonix OPC 3

In my opinion, the best supplements on the market: Isotonix.  Check out the link if you’d like.

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This is the reason I consider it the best… and yes, I’m biased.

I take just 3 supplements: multi-vitamin, anti-oxidant (OPC3 or a cup of green tea works), and Omega-3 (for the heart). I also drink protein shakes and eat power bars as “snacks” between breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

7. Cheat Once A Week.

The Rock on his cheat day

The Rock on his cheat day

Once a week, cheat. Eat WHATEVER you want. Go to town. Have fun. You deserve it. Incorporating some crap actually helps you to keep eating healthy. There’s less temptation for it later.

Plus, after a few months of eating healthy, you’ll compare how your body feels after binging on crap versus eating in moderation. You won’t like it. You’ll feel the difference. And you won’t be able to wait to the healthy stuff. No joke.

So, it’s a psychological trick. Like Carl Jung once said, “What your resist, persists. What you allow to be disappears.” Allowing the crap (once a week, mind you) can actually help it to disappear.

8. Eat Within 1 Hour Of Waking Up. This revs up your metabolism for the rest of your day. That’s why they say breakfast is the most important part of the day. It sets a solid foundation for the rest of the day.

9. Don’t Eat Within 2 Hours Before Going To Sleep. It can give you a belly ache, true. More important, it allows your body to burn off fat while you sleep, instead of the food you just ate. Your metabolism obviously slows down while you sleep, so the chances of your body storing the food you just ate as fat are higher, too.

10. Journal Your 5 -6 Meals At First Until It Becomes A Habit. When starting out, it helps to keep a food journal each day. It ensures you eat 5 -6 times a day, keeps you accountable, and helps to establish a eating habit that lasts the rest of your life. I made a link to a food journal that you can download at the end of this post. Check it out.

Right Exercise

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Now, here’s the flip side to eating right. You’ve gotta exercise, too.

Another time, way back before I discovered what an exercise was, I was trying to lose my McDonald’s Coca-Cola Belly. ALL I did was eat below what my body burned in calories per day.

And that worked. I did lose weight. But…

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…I had no muscle, and no shape to my body.

Muscle changes the shape of your body. Abs are made in the kitchen, yes, but exercise SHAPES your body. And it keeps your body working well and tuned up.

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So, how do you exercise? Here’s another Top Ten List. It’s based on the famous “F.I.T.T. Principle” of gym rats everywhere.

1. FREQUENCY: Exercise between 5 – 6 days a week. Rest on the 7th day. Alternate between cardio and weight lifting each day.

If you only do cardio you look like a marathon runner. If you only do weights you look like a body builder. Combine the two you get the body of a gymnast or swimmer:

nickauger

From what I hear, women like that body the best.

2. INTENSITY:

::: Cardio :::

Bill Phillips has a great suggestion for this. Break your intensity into 10 levels. Level 1: sitting on a couch watching TV. Level 10: balls to wall everything you got. You only need like 20 minutes of cardio if you incorporate the higher levels of intensities.

For example, on a stationary bike. Let’s say you do 20 minutes on it. The first 2 minutes: you’re at level 5. At minute 3 you’re at level 6; minute 4 level 7; minute 5 level 8; minute 6 level 9; minute 7 return to level 6. Repeat that sequence three more times. By minute 19 you’re at level 10. At minute 20 you return to level 5.

MINUTE   INTENSITY LEVEL

  1.             5
  2.             5
  3.             6
  4.             7
  5.             8
  6.             9
  7.             6
  8.             7
  9.             8
  10.             9
  11.             6
  12.             7
  13.             8
  14.             9
  15.             6
  16.             7
  17.             8
  18.             9
  19.            10
  20.            5

“Interval Training” does a very similar thing. You start at a low intensity for 20 seconds, go to a medium intensity for 20 seconds, and finish at high intensity for the last 20 seconds. You repeat this low-medium-high intensity over and over again with different exercises. Do this for 20-30 minutes. It burns calories like crazy.

Here’s a third way to gauge intensity. Wear a heart rate monitor, and exercise at your maximum heart rate.

What’s your maximum heart rate?

Subtract your age from the number “220.” So, if you’re 30 years old, your maximum heart rate would be 190. If you’re 50 years old, your maximum heart rate would be 170, and so on.

But the best way I’ve found is gauge intensity is to mix lower intensity (to catch your breath) with higher intensities (balls to the wall). You can tell when you’re balls to the wall.

::: Resistance:::

As a general rule, max out between 8-10 reps. That means using weights that exhaust you at reps 8, 9, or 10. (For example when I started out I maxed out with 20 lb dumbbells doing biceps curls at rep 9 or 10 for 3 sets. I’m now at 40lb dumbbells.)

Now, if you want even more size, max out at 4-6 reps. Never do 7. Just kidding.

For calisthenics, like pull-ups and pushups, it’s a little different. For pull-ups a good place to start is 10 – 12 reps. If you can get up to 20 – 25 reps in one set… nice. For pushups a good place to start is 30 reps. If you can get up to 75 reps in one set… again, nice.

The basic rule is whenever a set gets too easy, add more reps or more weights. If 30 pushups are too easy, do 35. If 30 lbs dumbbells are too easy, do 35’s.

When it’s easy, no gains. When you feel the burn, it’s working.

In my workouts, I’ll do at a MINIMUM of 3 sets for one body part. For example, I’ll do 75 standard pushups, 30 diamond pushups and 30 pushups where my feet are on a chair. That’s all for the chest.

3. TIME:

::: Cardio :::

You only need 20-30 minutes per cardio workout. Anything over 60 minutes, and you enter “Over-Training” Land, which is counter-productive.

::: Resistance :::

Rest for at least one minute between sets. Your muscles need about that time to recoup enough energy for the next round. Total resistance workouts should take you between 30 – 60 minutes. Again, anything more than 60 minutes per workout, is counter-productive.

4. TYPE:

::: Cardio ::::

Sky’s the limit here. Biking, swimming, running, plyometrics, basketball… Make sure it lasts for at least 20 minutes, and you’re working up to your highest intensities during your workouts.

::: Resistance :::

I used to be confused about resistance exercises. There seemed to be so many different ones out there. After I did my exam, I realized there are only a few core exercises. Everything else is a variation on those themes. And each core exercise is based on a body part. For example:

UPPER BODY

i. Biceps: Dumbbell curls

Curls

Dumbbell Curls

ii. Triceps: Dumbbell extensions, bench dips

Extensions

Dumbbell Extensions

Dips

Bench Dips

iii. Shoulders: Dumbbell press

Dumbbell Press

Dumbbell Press

iv. Chest: pushups, dumbbell bench press

Pushups

Pushups

Dumbbell Bench Press

Dumbbell Bench Press

v. Back: pull-ups, dumbbell rows

Pull-ups

Pull-ups

Dumbbell Rows

Dumbbell Rows

LOWER BODY

vi. Quads: Dumbbell squats

Dumbbell Squats

Dumbbell Squats

vii. Hamstrings: Dumbbell lunges

Dumbbell Lunges

Dumbbell Lunges

viii. Buttocks: Dumbbell squats

Eye Candy

A little more Eye-Candy for ya

ix. Calves: Dumbbell calf raises

Dumbbell Calf Raises

Dumbbell Calf Raises

x. Abs: Crunches

Crunches

Crunches

5. Breathe. Exhale during the difficult parts of a resistance exercise, and inhale during the easy parts. Also, don’t tighten your face. This can actually work against you. Make it easier on yourself. Relax your face.

6. Warm-up, Cool-down, and STRETCH. Warm up for 3 – 5 minutes before your workout. Cool down for 5-10 minutes after your workout. During the warmup and cool down, STRETCH!

Brittle things break easier. Elastic things are more durable. Stretching gives you durability. So, it prevents injuries. Also, it gives you flexibility, which makes your body more excellent.

7. Rest. Your body needs to recuperate. Get 7 – 8 hours of sleep.

8. Drink plenty of water. Here it is again. ‘Cause it’s important. Drink 64 ounces a day. This cleans your body from the inside out. It’s got minerals. No poison. And it’s free (unless it’s bottled of course).

9. Consistency is key. If you get off track, no prob. Just keep showing up. As long as you show up you WILL succeed. There’s no such thing as failure unless you quit.

I now see exercise like showering or brushing my teeth. It’s a hygienic thing I do daily. After all, it flushes out toxins, opens my heart, and gets me inside my body. And it clears the mind. The byproduct (not so much the goal) is a great body. The never-ending goal is daily renewal of inner-strength, and care of the self.

10. Track your workouts. I mark each workout I do on my calendar. It holds me accountable, and keeps me on track. Again, I made a link at the end of this post for some workout logs. Please, definitely, check em out.

One other thing before I leave this section about exercise. I learned this really cool thing from ISSA.

We humans aren’t supposed to die at 70 or 80. We’re supposed to live until 110. You can shed 30 years off your age through exercise. A person in their 70s or 80s who exercises is as strong as person who’s 40 or 50. Exercise is the closest thing we have to an anti-aging pill.

Makes sense. If you don’t use your body it disintegrates. If you use it, you keep it sharp and healthy. Exercise is just as important as right eating… and brushing your teeth.

Consistency

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Way, way, way before I learned this stuff, I thought if I exercised a couple of times and ate healthy a couple of times, magically I would get a rippling 8 pack abs and 16″ biceps. Two workouts and I thought I’d see results. I was so sad when I learned that’s not how it works.

When I did learn all this stuff and finally lost 40 pounds and gained some muscle, I asked myself how the hell I did it. When I look back I realize it was because of one thing.

Consistency.

I exercised six days a week and I cut out the crap food… day after day after day. It took me about 4 or 5 months to do, but through CONSISTENCY I finally did it.

ISSA taught me why consistency works.

It’s because the body is so damn stubborn. The technical term is “homeostasis.” That means the body likes to stay the same. So, to get results, it’s simple. Work over and over and over again. That must be why they call it “training.” Through consistency you train your body into a new way of being or a new “stasis.”

So, the first step of consistency is to make the decision to change. The second step is to commit to a plan to get there (see “right eating and right exercise”). The third step is to execute that plan over and over again. Even when you’re tired or sick and don’t want to, exercise 5 – 6 times a week and eat moderately 5 – 6 times a day.

Magically… or not so magically… when I followed those steps, I lost 40 pounds of blubber and gained muscle. Hell, yeah. Same exact thing for you.

Now, let me just say this one last thing. It’s easy to get off track. It happens to me all the time. It happens to everyone. It’s no reason to stay off track though. Just get back on the horse and keep going at it. No need to get discouraged. With consistency or persistency or whatever you want to call it, you WILL win the battle against your body’s stubborn homeostasis. No doubt.

Keep showing up. Over and over again. That’s all it takes.

What’s Next?

You can create your program, you can hire a trainer, or… the way I got my head start was doing p90x. It’s an awesome program. I used to be a varsity athlete, and this program reminded me of those intense preseason trainings. It’s also like having your own personal trainer… that you can keep forever.

The down fall is p90x takes about 50 min – 90 min a workout. You’ll have to purchase some dumbbells and a pull-up bar. I mean, that’s not really a downfall because it’s so worth it. Lifetime investment. And if it’s important enough to you to get your body back into shape, it’s very easy to make time for those workouts. Doing p90x was a life changer for me. No gadgets or fad stuff. Just good old fashioned fundamentals that have been around forever. It’s such a solid program.

But if you feel like you don’t have the time, the company that puts out p90x… Beach Body… has some other great programs like “10 Minute Trainer” or “Power Half Hour.” They’re shorter workouts that can also get a good job done, too.

Their website is p90x.com, in case you want to check it out.

Here’s a website, if you want a little more eye candy, I mean, inspiration.

Finally, here’s some Trackers I made that you can use: a food journal and some workout logs.

Again, eat right and exercise six days week CONSISTENTLY… you WILL lose weight and gain muscle. Guaranteed.

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Keep On The Path

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Here’s a great video to keep you on the path. Learning pickup isn’t easy. There’s a lot of pain along the way.  A lot of rejection and hurt.

I know for me there were PLENTY of times where I just wanted to throw in the towel. I was like, “it’s too painful, I suck, I’ll never get through this.” But I stuck with it. And I’m so glad I did. I got over the hump.

The key to success–in any area of life–is persistence. This is one of my favorite quotes:

“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.” -Calvin Coolidge, 1872 – 1933, 30th U.S. President

Calvin Coolidge, 1872-1933, 30th U.S. President

Calvin Coolidge, 1872-1933, 30th U.S. President

I promise if you keep getting up off the ground, brushing the dust off, and staying in there… you will find success. Not only will you find yourself attracting women, you’ll transform yourself. That’s the real goal, transformation.

This little video is here to keep you motivated, and keep you on the path.

i-will-persist-until-i-succeed2

What A Woman Thinks When You Approach Her

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Bossymoksie giving the bird

I found this comment… by a woman who goes by “Bossymoksie“… on a March 7, 2013 post from SocialKenny’s Blog.

It’s about what a woman is thinking when you approach her. She’s thinking:

“Who is this guy? What does he want? And how long am I stuck with him for?” -lol, that’s exactly what we think. May I add the question “What is he going to offer me?” I know not all woman may think this right away, but I do think this is why you have to demonstrate high social value, so she thinks you are a valuable person in the world.

Nice. I learned a lot from that comment, so I wanted to share it with you, too.

Let’s break it down real quickly.

When we first approach a woman, we’ve gotta answer these questions:

  • Who is this guy?
  • What does he want?
  • How long am I stuck with him for?
  • What is he going to offer me?

or else she’s not going to hear a word of what we’re saying.

Luckily, those legendary pickup artists, Style and Mystery, discovered the tools that answer these questions right off the bat. That’s probably why they were such approach masters.

Here are the techniques they invented:

  • The “root” (reason for why you’re talking with her) answers… “What does he want?”
  • The “false time constraint” (I’m on my way out/I’m not going to be here forever) answers… “How long am I stuck with him for?”
  • DHV (self-disclosure) answers… “Who is this guy” and “What is he going to offer me?”

I also loved what she said about “what is he going to offer me?”

Soooo true!

Obviously, we know what’s in it for us if we get with this hot chick.

Well, what’s in it for her if she gets with us? That’s why we’ve gotta give her value IMMEDIATELY.

Enter the DHV.

The DHV is all about HER self-interest.

It’s NOT about you or showing off how great you are. It’s about putting an eager want inside of her… for you.

It’s like if you were to go fishing, putting a worm at the end of a hook instead of a slice of pizza. You might like pizza, but fish like worms. So, you bait the fish with worms (its self-interest) not pizza (your self-interest).

Likewise, there are certain things that attract women that don’t necessarily attract us guys. Understanding what those are and giving them to her IMMEDIATELY ignites an eager want in her. That’s what DHV is all about.

(If you’re curious what those things are that attract women more than us guys, check out my article “5 Attraction Switches” , if you’d like. It’s SUPER helpful to know about them.)

Here’s another reason DHV answers her question “what’s he going to offer me”:

It gives her something of USE. You give her a little gift right off the bat.

For example, if you share a personality test with her, she gets to learn something cool about herself. She’s smiling. Who IS this guy, she might be saying to herself. Thumbs up.

Or, if you share a funny story with her, she gets to laugh and “feel good.” Can you say “Hell, yeah”?

By the way, speaking of “feeling good,” I’ve found an even MORE effective way of answering all these questions right off the bat than the three techniques I just listed above.

And that’s banter.

If you play fight with her… starting with THE SECOND SENTENCE OUT OF YOUR MOUTH (“The Second Sentence Rule”)… in a way where you’re dominant and she’s cute… not only does it make her laugh, but it creates sexual tension.

Mmmmmmmm. Delicious.

And we all know what women say about laughter. How much they hate it and they never look for it in a guy.

Um, yeah right.

My article “Flirting” goes into how exactly to banter in a lot of detail.  Again, check it out if you’d like.

Banter is THE key to creating attraction right off the bat. Hands down. Not to sound overly dramatic or anything, but learning that skill changed my life. And I’m not even kidding.

Anyway, keep in mind those questions that Bossymoksie shared with us when guys approach her! Invaluable, invaluable, invaluable. Answer those questions and… hello awesome approach, nice to know you (read: put her at ease). Things from there are cake.

Thanks Bossymoksie for sharing that little pice of gold with us.

Ask Her For A Favor

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Ask her for a favor once in a while.

For example, you don’t have to drive miles and miles to go see her. Let her drive to see you. You don’t have to be the one who’s always giving her massages. Let her give you a massage. You don’t have to be the one who’s always getting her a drink. Let her get you a drink.

The reason is simple. The more she invests in you, the more she’ll fall for you.

People don’t value free. People value things they work for. Things they have to struggle a little for. Things that cost them a little something.

For good reason, too. We grow when we work for things, not when we’re handed them for free.

Here’s another reason to ask her for a favor once in a while. She’ll backwards rationalize why she’s going out of her way for you. “I must like him,” she might say to herself. And that ain’t never a bad thing, right?

If you’re thinking this sounds a lot like qualification… you’re absolutely, 100%, right. It’s just extending that idea into relationships.

Like we talked about in that little qualification discussion, her attraction grows not when we give to her, but when she gives to us.

Completely counter-intuitive. Believe me, I know.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Getting her small gifts, opening the door for her, giving her massages is great. Fantastic. And I do all that for my girl.

Just make sure you receive, too. Let her give as well.

But here’s where it gets really cool.

One of the things that attracts women… is a guy who knows where he’s going in life. A guy with purpose. A guy who’s discovered his gift and who’s working to give it to the world with all his heart.

Like the Buddha once said: “Your work is to discover your work and give yourself to it with all your heart.”

The beauuuutiful thing is you can combine this idea of qualification (i.e. asking her for a favor) and having purpose. Double whammy, baby!

For example, if your passion is music, have her pick up some guitar strings at the store for you. If you have a business of some sort, have her help you in your business in some way.

She’s investing in you, she’s helping you serve your purpose, AND you get to spend some quality time together. Can you say “attractive”? Haha

So, ask her to do little favors for you, especially when it’s connected with living your purpose. Show her mucho gratitude to her afterwards. And of course return the favor later on.

It can do wonders in keeping your relationship alive.

Credit: Vin Di Carlo, “S Cubed.”

Shaping

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We train humans how to treat us. That, of course, includes women.

Have you even been in a situation where your woman treats you like shit? But you give her whatever she wants anyway? I mean, you want her to be happy after all. But alas… the behavior just continues.

I know I have. And it sucks. It takes a toll on your pride… and even your manhood, right?

While I was learning pickup, I learned how to stomp that out of my life. Through the concept of shaping. Here’s the concept.

If you get bad behavior from a woman, don’t “reward” her by letting that bad behavior continue. Stop it. Otherwise, she’ll think it’s okay to treat you in that second class way.

The flip side is true, too. If you get good behavior, however tiny, praise her for it. And I guarantee that behavior will continue.

Simple really.

I think this concept comes from B.F. Skinner’s experiments with both human and animal behavior, if I’m not mistaken. To way oversimplify Skinner’s findings: when good behavior is reinforced with praise, that good behavior continues. When bad behavior is associated with negative reinforcement, it stops.

But the genius of “shaping” goes even a step further.

Praise positive behavior even BEFORE she’s demonstrated it, and you create something like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example: “I love a woman who doesn’t flake out.” If she cares about seeing you again, chances are she’ll try not to flake out. Nice, right?

Here’s another example: “I love a woman who works out and takes care of herself. It’s super attractive.” Again, chances are likely she’ll make an effort to work out, ’cause she knows that’s what you like in your women.

Then, let’s say she dresses up for a date and she looks fantastic. “You look amazing! I love that dress on you.” Guess what? Exactly. Chances are likely she’ll want to continue looking fantastic for you.

Like I said, simple. But highly effective.

Unfortunately, there’s the shadow part of all this. You’ve got to be able to draw boundaries too, and that means being firm. It can feel like you’re being an asshole, but counter-intuitively, it can actually be a turn on for women. And you earn her respect. So, if I get bad behavior, I’ve learned to call her on her shit RIGHT AWAY.

For example:

Her: Oh, it’s you. What do you want?

You: Hm, sounds like you’re in a bad mood. Call me when you’re in a better one. (hang up)

If you continue to get that bad behavior, let her know it’s not cool with you.

And if it STILL continues, cut her out. There is absolutely NO reason to stick around and take second class treatment. First, you’re not there to be her savior. That’s a door she has to walk through herself. Second, there’s way too many tastier fish in the sea. Why would you waste you time? I’ll take a pass, thank-you.

Another example:

Let’s say she acts bratty and pouty and just plain bitchy. Not a fun combo, right?

Step away from her ass and do not kiss it! Do you hear me? Step away from her ass.

Act cooler towards her.

Or call her on her shit. “You’re acting like a brat right now.” Don’t reward bad behavior.

Now, here’s an important point to this whole concept. You have to make that reinforcement RIGHT when the behavior occurs. Delayed punishment won’t allow her to make an association. Stop it when she’s mid air in the act. She’ll get the association loud and clear that way.

That’s ultimately why I had gotten all that bad behavior when I did. I let it go on and didn’t draw boundaries when I saw the second class bullshit in the first place.

But I’ve learned my mistake, believe me.

And I wanted to pass on this gem of an insight onto you, too. Let her know what’s acceptable behavior and what’s not through praise and drawing boundaries. This shapes how well she’ll treat you for a long ways into the future. Not a bad return on such simple investment.

Male Cleavage

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Wanna know what the male equivalent of female cleavage is?

Having a positive energy… and being relaxed.

Here’s another thing. Even the worlds’ greatest pickup artists don’t get the girl 100% of the time (it’s more like 50%).

You’re not going to get every girl. That’s okay. You might get shit tests. That’s okay, too. Just give “feeling good.” You’ll be all set.

The best way to get this cleavage right NOW? Smile on the approach. And banter.

Credit: Lance Mason, “Real World Rapport”