There’s an insight from David Deida that’s similar to this.
A man who knows his deepest purpose in life and gives his deepest gifts to the world is a superior man. As it so happens this kind of man also attracts women. As a byproduct though, not as the goal.
The idea is this. Having purpose seeps into every interaction you have with women: from the approach all the way to how you lead her in bed. She feels your strong purposiveness on an unconscious level, and it attracts her.
Because having purpose is what gives a man his masculinity. And masculinity attracts the feminine, in the same way the north pole of a magnet attracts the south pole.
That was David Deida’s idea at least. And if that’s true… which I think it is… the next question becomes:
HOW do you find your deepest purpose?
Excellent question. And that’s what this post is all about. Deida suggests either sitting in silence and solitude, or challenging yourself, living life on the edge.
And all I’ve gotta say is, Amen to that bro.
But I’ve also found that making a list of goals helps a lot, too. For me, it focuses me. I recently came across a set of questions that really helped me to get clear on my own purpose, and I wanted to pass them along to you, too.
Here they are:
1) What are five things you want to accomplish in the next 3 months?
2) Which is THE most important? Second most? Third most? Fourth most? Fifth most?
3) How can you make the goals as specific as possible? For example, instead of saying “I want to lose weight,” a SPECIFIC goal would be “I want to 20 pounds.” There’s something about NUMBERS that makes goals more specific. Makes them measurable at least.
4) What’s the deadline? That’s easy. Whatever date is 3 months from now.
By the way, why have a deadline?
Makes the difference between “Someday it would be nice to…” to driving the goals to COMPLETION.
5) What’s my action plan? What do I have to do each day to drive the goals to completion? So, if your goal is to lose 20 pounds, an action plan might be working out 6 days a week for 20 minutes and eating within 2000 calories per day.
Action Plan #1. ________________________________________________________________
Action Plan #2. ________________________________________________________________
Action Plan #3. ________________________________________________________________
Action Plan #4. ________________________________________________________________
Action Plan #5. ________________________________________________________________
Then do that activity EACH DAY. Each tiny little shovel of dirt each day moves mountains.
Once you complete those five goals, you get to make a new set of goals. Yipee! Haha
And here’s another great tip I learned from Eben Pagan, the guy behind David DeAngelo. Do whatever is the MOST important goal on your list… FIRST thing when you wake up in the morning. And make sure to do it for at least one hour of focused, uninterrupted time. No email, phone calls, text messages during that hour. Just focus on that one goal for an hour, two hours if you can, then take a 10 or 20 minute break. That way if anything gets you off track during your day, at least you’ve got that important thing done already. This has personally helped me A LOT to actually get my goals done.
6) What motto might inspire you to stay on track? “Now is the time, not later, but now?” “Drive to Completion?” “Just Do It?” “Nose to the grindstone?” “Stick with it until I get it?” “Keep it simple?” Some other motto? I’ve been writing a motto that inspires me next to my list of goals. This helps, too.
Then I read those goals daily, morning and night if I’m good. I’m not always perfect at it though. And I don’t always like reading them either. Some days I’ll even say to myself “is it really necessary to read my goals today? I already know what they are.”
But when I read them anyway, I’m always glad I do. Only takes five minutes… or less. It gets the focus back. Reminds me of the big picture. Keeps me on track. And makes it so the goals actually become something like a self-fulfilling prophesy.
One last awesome question I want to share with you.
7) What’s the larger vision of your life? For example, what will your life look like 3 years from now? What will you be doing for a career? Where will you be living? How much will you make in month?
And this can be WHATEVER the hell you want to be. If you hear a voice that sounds vaguely like your friends and family that say “can’t” or “impossible” or “stupid” (I hear it all the time) SQUASH THAT MO FO! Replace the phrase “I can’t” with the question “how can I?” It totally shifts your consciousness from impossible to possible. I learned that piece of gold from Robert Kiyosaki (“Rich Dad Poor Dad”).
Anyway, this question is a lot of fun to answer because you get to let your imagination run free.
By the way, speaking of your larger vision, something I learned from Michael J. Fox of all people: He said he was happier, more awake, and more alive when he was helping the world become more aware of “Parkinson’s Disease” than when he was a big movie star with like six porsches.
What I took from that is: it almost seems like a person’s happiness is connected with something that’s larger than the self. Something that allows you to give back to the world in someway.
So, maybe your larger vision will revolve around this, giving your gifts to something higher than the self?
Now that doesn’t mean being a self-righteous crusader or sacrificing your self for others. Just the opposite. It means making yourself strong first (read: lighting yourself up from within) so you can’t help but shine your light to to the world.
It’s like one of my favorite quotes, which comes from Gil Bailie: “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
And didn’t Jesus say something similar this, too? Something about not putting your light under a bushel, but to let it shine let it shine let it shine? Another one of my favorite quotes, this time from Marianne Williamson in her book “A Return To Love,” reminds me of Jesus’s saying: “And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”
I think that’s what having the larger vision is all about. Giving your deepest gifts to the world.
I know I just went off there. But this point means a lot to me. And what was my point?
Just that making a list of goals and breaking them down into daily action steps has worked WONDERS for me. It’s been a life changer. It’s helped me to get my life on track. So, I wanted to share it with you.
Try it out. You’ll love it. Your deepest purpose becomes clearer, and you already start giving your deepest gifts to the world. Having purpose makes us more masculine. Again the byproduct (not so much the goal) is you attract women, too.
David X (from Canada) has talked about honesty and total clarity in what you want. Women do feel that and it gives them a deep respect for a man. And a woman cannot be sexually attracted to a man unless she respects him. It’s a wonderfully simple approach, and extremely powerful in its implications if you actually follow it through. Good tips on getting stuff done and making your goals real.
1. Great connection between a woman’s sexual attraction and respect for him. A guy who thinks “I respect that guy” translates into “I’m attracted to that guy” for a woman. Great point!
2. Love David X. It’s funny you mention honesty because that’s exactly what I’m writing about in my next post. Just finished reading a book called “Radical Honesty” and it was eye-opening. It made me wonder whether the difference between a “Mr. Nice Guy” type and a “Bad Boy” type (who’s more successful with women) is the difference between a guy who has the balls to be honest about what he wants, and the guy who hides what he wants. This post had more to do with how having direction and purpose raises a guy’s success with women naturally, but your point about honesty is a GREAT one. Honesty and clarity: super attractive.
3. I checked out your new free ebook and it looks great! Congrats.
4. Thanks for taking the time to comment! Much appreciation.
It’s true, the ability to actually own your desires and goals is extremely powerful. It’s an important lesson for all of us, because we all tend to restrain ourselves on that count. Awesome, glad you liked the ebook!