First, making her feel wonderful. If she feels great around you, she’ll link those feelings to you, and will want to be around those good feelings… and you… more.
Second, being masculine. Make her feel wonderful, yes, but in a way where she feels like she’s the woman, and you’re the man.
A man who’s masculine puts a woman into her feminine. And it creates a sexual charge. Like how the north pole of a magnet’s attracted to the south pole. A man in his masculine pulls women toward him with a strong, delicious, irresistible charge. David Deida taught me that one.
The most important way to increase your masculinity is to discover your purpose in life and give your deepest gift to the world. Purpose, direction, and driving things to completion is the essence of masculinity.
But another great way to increase your masculinity is to increase the hormone that’s responsible for it. Namely, testosterone.
Well, HOW do you increase your testosterone?
As far as I can see, there are four basic ways: get enough rest, build muscle, get erections, and eat more protein.
Let’s check each one of those things out.
1. Rest and Sleep:
Get enough rest and sleep. You create testosterone while you sleep. And you decrease testosterone when you’re stressed.
7-8 hours a night. Your body makes testosterone while you’re sleeping. Ever wondered why you get morning wood? Hello. Without enough sleep, can’t produce testosterone. 4, 5, 6 hours of sleep? Won’t cut it.
Stress won’t cut it either. Stress raises cortisol levels. When cortisol levels are high, testosterone is low.
So, take 10-30 minutes breaks after focused 1-hour blocks of work. And get 7-8 hours of sleep a night.
2. Exercise:
More muscle and less fat boosts testosterone.
The more fat you have, the more your adipose tissue converts testosterone into estrogen. Obviously that lowers testosterone levels. Exercise blasts fat. Less fat, more muscle… you raise testosterone.
So, 50-100 push-ups in the morning. Lift weights. Jump rope. Bike. Play basketball. All you need is 30 minutes a day. Hell, p90x is a FANTASTIC way to get started. It was for me. (If you want more info, check out my article “Lost Fat, Gain Muscle.”)
3. Sex:
Getting erections increases testosterone.
Erections put “testosterone” fuel in your sex drive tank. Scientists found that men’s testosterone levels were higher after looking at porn than before looking at porn. Yeah.
So, get erections, look at sexy pictures, have sex. See? Increasing your testosterone can be fun.
4. Diet:
Protein helps you build muscle and increase testosterone.
Eating protein helps increase testosterone. Whey protein is the best because it has all the amino acids your body needs. Protein shakes are great. Steaks, eggs, bacon, burgers, fish, nuts are good too. In fact, believe it or not, cholesterol is a precursor of testosterone.
So, eating red meat and protein can actually help you increase testosterone.
When it comes down to it, increasing testosterone is just being a guy. For more great resources, check out this great article from “The Art of Manliness” and this video by John Romaniello:
There’s an insight from David Deida that’s similar to this.
A man who knows his deepest purpose in life and gives his deepest gifts to the world is a superior man. As it so happens this kind of man also attracts women. As a byproduct though, not as the goal.
The idea is this. Having purpose seeps into every interaction you have with women: from the approach all the way to how you lead her in bed. She feels your strong purposiveness on an unconscious level, and it attracts her.
Why?
Because having purpose is what gives a man his masculinity. And masculinity attracts the feminine, in the same way the north pole of a magnet attracts the south pole.
That was David Deida’s idea at least. And if that’s true… which I think it is… the next question becomes:
HOW do you find your deepest purpose?
Excellent question. And that’s what this post is all about. Deida suggests either sitting in silence and solitude, or challenging yourself, living life on the edge.
And all I’ve gotta say is, Amen to that bro.
But I’ve also found that making a list of goals helps a lot, too. For me, it focuses me. I recently came across a set of questions that really helped me to get clear on my own purpose, and I wanted to pass them along to you, too.
Here they are:
1) What are five things you want to accomplish in the next 3 months?
3) How can you make the goals as specific as possible? For example, instead of saying “I want to lose weight,” a SPECIFIC goal would be “I want to 20 pounds.” There’s something about NUMBERS that makes goals more specific. Makes them measurable at least.
4) What’s the deadline? That’s easy. Whatever date is 3 months from now.
By the way, why have a deadline?
Makes the difference between “Someday it would be nice to…” to driving the goals to COMPLETION.
5) What’s my action plan? What do I have to do each day to drive the goals to completion? So, if your goal is to lose 20 pounds, an action plan might be working out 6 days a week for 20 minutes and eating within 2000 calories per day.
Action Plan #1. ________________________________________________________________
Action Plan #2. ________________________________________________________________
Action Plan #3. ________________________________________________________________
Action Plan #4. ________________________________________________________________
Action Plan #5. ________________________________________________________________
Then do that activity EACH DAY. Each tiny little shovel of dirt each day moves mountains.
Once you complete those five goals, you get to make a new set of goals. Yipee! Haha
And here’s another great tip I learned from Eben Pagan, the guy behind David DeAngelo. Do whatever is the MOST important goal on your list… FIRST thing when you wake up in the morning. And make sure to do it for at least one hour of focused, uninterrupted time. No email, phone calls, text messages during that hour. Just focus on that one goal for an hour, two hours if you can, then take a 10 or 20 minute break. That way if anything gets you off track during your day, at least you’ve got that important thing done already. This has personally helped me A LOT to actually get my goals done.
6) What motto might inspire you to stay on track? “Now is the time, not later, but now?” “Drive to Completion?” “Just Do It?” “Nose to the grindstone?” “Stick with it until I get it?” “Keep it simple?” Some other motto? I’ve been writing a motto that inspires me next to my list of goals. This helps, too.
Then I read those goals daily, morning and night if I’m good. I’m not always perfect at it though. And I don’t always like reading them either. Some days I’ll even say to myself “is it really necessary to read my goals today? I already know what they are.”
But when I read them anyway, I’m always glad I do. Only takes five minutes… or less. It gets the focus back. Reminds me of the big picture. Keeps me on track. And makes it so the goals actually become something like a self-fulfilling prophesy.
One last awesome question I want to share with you.
7) What’s the larger vision of your life? For example, what will your life look like 3 years from now? What will you be doing for a career? Where will you be living? How much will you make in month?
And this can be WHATEVER the hell you want to be. If you hear a voice that sounds vaguely like your friends and family that say “can’t” or “impossible” or “stupid” (I hear it all the time) SQUASH THAT MO FO! Replace the phrase “I can’t” with the question “how can I?” It totally shifts your consciousness from impossible to possible. I learned that piece of gold from Robert Kiyosaki (“Rich Dad Poor Dad”).
Anyway, this question is a lot of fun to answer because you get to let your imagination run free.
By the way, speaking of your larger vision, something I learned from Michael J. Fox of all people: He said he was happier, more awake, and more alive when he was helping the world become more aware of “Parkinson’s Disease” than when he was a big movie star with like six porsches.
What I took from that is: it almost seems like a person’s happiness is connected with something that’s larger than the self. Something that allows you to give back to the world in someway.
So, maybe your larger vision will revolve around this, giving your gifts to something higher than the self?
Now that doesn’t mean being a self-righteous crusader or sacrificing your self for others. Just the opposite. It means making yourself strong first (read: lighting yourself up from within) so you can’t help but shine your light to to the world.
It’s like one of my favorite quotes, which comes from Gil Bailie: “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
And didn’t Jesus say something similar this, too? Something about not putting your light under a bushel, but to let it shine let it shine let it shine? Another one of my favorite quotes, this time from Marianne Williamson in her book “A Return To Love,” reminds me of Jesus’s saying: “And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”
I think that’s what having the larger vision is all about. Giving your deepest gifts to the world.
I know I just went off there. But this point means a lot to me. And what was my point?
Just that making a list of goals and breaking them down into daily action steps has worked WONDERS for me. It’s been a life changer. It’s helped me to get my life on track. So, I wanted to share it with you.
Try it out. You’ll love it. Your deepest purpose becomes clearer, and you already start giving your deepest gifts to the world. Having purpose makes us more masculine. Again the byproduct (not so much the goal) is you attract women, too.
This picture is THE secret to success with women. Don’t make your woman #1. Find your mission in life. Make this #1. Don’t make intimacy your priority. Make it your purpose. She’ll guard the intimacy.
Mary Jane wants Spiderman to stay. She’s sad he’s gotta leave for “war” and be a superhero. She tells him all the time, “please don’t go.” He goes anyway. You can tell how disappointed she is.
But can you imagine if Spiderman said, “Actually you’re right. I won’t go. You’re more important than protecting humankind. You’re the most important thing in my life. Who cares if I’m needed. I’m staying here with you.” She might be glad, but she’d probably also feel let down.
You’ll hear a woman say she wants you to make her #1. The irony is she’ll love and admire you more if she’s not. If you make your woman your priority, she’ll feel like you’re dependent on her for your happiness. She’ll feel smothered. She’ll feel she doesn’t really have a man.
I don’t think she would ever admit she doesn’t want to be number one. She’ll complain she wants more of you. But what she really wants is for you to be dedicated to your purpose–and to also love her fully.
You have a gift to give to the world, everyone does. Don’t submit to your woman and kiss her ass. Discover your gift and purpose. Despite her pleas to the contrary, make giving your deepest gift to the world your priority.
I’ve gotta give credit where credit it due. I learned this insight from David Deida. And it changed my life.
We’ll inevitably get this question. “Does this make me look fat?” How do you respond? If you say no, the danger is you enter “supplicating” land. Obviously never ever tell her she looks fat. The best response is to agree… jokingly. “Yeah… I wasn’t going to say anything.” She’ll hit you on the arm. That’s a good thing. Hehe
Yes, to hold a woman that looks like this is every man’s fantasy. But there’s a great lesson here, too. See how Mary-Jane just relaxes and surrenders in Spidey’s arms? Women yearn for this. See how Spidey is like a rock? Solid, strong, still, protective. That’s the role we want to play with women. When we’re strong and able to steer the course of things, whether sexually, financially, emotionally, spiritually, it allows her to let go and relax.
