Why is the whole dating process called “Game”? What’s the constant throughout the attract, comfort, and seduce stages? What unifies and binds them together as one? The answer might help us play the Game like a master.

Here’s my thought: Game has to do with the interplay between interest and disinterest.

It’s about giving and taking away.

Take a step forward and a step back.

You’re interested but not quite.

I like you, but you can’t have me…yet

Push the boundary and back off (before she pushes you away first).

Show warmth and freeze out

Yes, no.

In other words, we guys have to be the ones to show interest in the girls first. We make the first move. But we must also temper that interest with disinterest. We have to push her away first before she does (or else game over).

When we push her away it creates an empty space between us and her that draws her toward us, like a magnet.

We pursue that which retreats from us.

That’s the Game. You draw near and retreat at the same time, over and over again.

Women enjoy feeling desired. At the same time she wants to be challenged and earn our affections, too.

The Game begins in A-1 (approach) the FIRST SECOND we approach. Approaching her is a show of interest. So, as soon as we approach, within the first two sentences we must also lean back, begin to walk away, say we’re leaving soon, or tease/neg her mercilessly.

It continues through A-2 (attract). When we tell stories or demonstrate our value, again, we’re showing interest in her. We wouldn’t be investing all that time and energy to tell her a story if we weren’t interested. So, during a story we also neg the target to balance our show of interest: “Ewww, I don’t want her”—all in the name of play of course.

It continues through A-3 (qualify). Asking questions is a show of interest. But a QUALIFYING question, like “What have you got going for you besides your looks?” shows you might be disinterested, too.

Compliments must have spice, too. Ironically spice makes people feel more comfortable with a compliment. “Oh my God, you’re a ballerina? (props) I can’t even talk to you (push away)!” You appreciate her but you give a “spank” at the same time.

It happens in physical escalation. You touch her hand but throw it away, you smell her but tell her “I’m not in that mind space,” kiss her and then say “that’s enough.”

It must happen in comfort. Although the emphasis is on building a connection and less on showing “disinterest,” we must still sprinkle in banter and spice. It must never stop, even when we’re married to her with kids.

It happens in foreplay and sex. You smell her neck for ten minutes but never touch her. You lean in to kiss her but you back off. You kiss all around her pussy but you don’t lick her clit yet. You tease her pussy with your cock but you don’t put it in until you’re ready.

The undercurrent of challenge is always there: pushing her away yet pulling her toward you, pulling her toward you yet pushing her away. That’s what Game is all about. And it keeps the romance alive in a relationship.

The Game is NEVER played in a mean way, but in the spirit of a game, of play, of fun. It’s all about balancing opposites: balancing your show of romantic interest with a show of romantic disinterest.

Why must we play “Games” at all? Can’t we just be honest and tell her we want her?

Believe me, I’ve tried many times. Women, simply don’t respond to it.

Again, we pursue that which retreats from us.

So, we beat her to the punch (her retreating from us) by retreating and showing disinterest first. We have to do this, because women are not always particularly nice to us when we approach them.

Not only that, women seem to enjoy this way more. Seeing it written down, she might deny it. But in actuality they respond to it.

And it makes sense when you think about it.

On one hand, men who approach women with blatant sexual interest, makes her feel like a piece of meat. On the other hand, men who approach women by bombarding her with a zillion questions or kissing her ass, just because she has a great ass, doesn’t make her feel that “spark” either.

Playing the Game, doesn’t put her on a pedestal and doesn’t treat her like a piece of meat. It’s the middle way. More importantly, it allows us to interact with her like a normal human being. It makes her feel safe and comfortable. And it allows her to come to us.

With game, our interest isn’t aggressive and obvious but gentle and indirect. At the same time our disinterest shows her we’re strong, honest, and in charge. Our interest becomes more than about sex. She’s no longer just a piece of meat. Our interest becomes about being with her and finding out who is she beyond her looks as a real human person.

The road to sex becomes a process, not a destination.

It’s funny, when we see a banging body we get turned on and we’re ready for sex INSTANTLY. It almost doesn’t even matter who she is. See great body, ready for sex.

Women, on the other hand, are not ready for sex instantly just by seeing a great body. They need to find out who the person is (she risks more than we do by having sex). So, she plays the Game intuitively on us to screen us.

If we play the Game with her in return we’re on a level playing field. We’re speaking the same language.

Now her sexual interest can ignite and slowly simmer to a boil as if she’s the water in a pot and we’re the fire beneath.

We must play the Game because women respond to it with pleasure. It doesn’t matter if she’s a college student or a tenured professor: The Game speaks to the woman inside her. It’s a dance. It’s fun and interesting not just for her but for us, too.

We must play the Game to communicate in her language of juicy emotion and coy indirectness rather than our language of dry logic and brute directness.

But the good news is it’s truly just a game, there’s no real substance to it. Her rejection or acceptance of us has little to do with who we really are as people, but with the level of our skill.

There’s also no substance to Game because a guy who has higher social status–the equivalent of a woman’s banging body for us guys–is just as superficial. Status is an image, an illusion.

It says nothing about our true worth or value as a human person. It’s called Game, because truly, it’s bullshit. That doesn’t mean we bullshit her. It just means it’s not real. It’s not personal.

It’s just mixing disinterest with interest, and interest with disinterest. It’s laughing it off. It’s make-believe. It’s play. It’s fun.

It’s a game.