This is adapted from an article I read by Mirabelle Summers. She thought even though every woman is different there were five universal guidelines to follow in giving any woman pleasure:
1. Your attention goes on HER, not on you
• Don’t get bogged down by goals like “I need to give her an orgasm” or “I need to last all night.” In that scenario, you’re placing attention on you, not on her. Instead, pay attention to her subtle responses and adapt to them—like a good listener in a conversation.
• Take care or her before you take care of yourself. After all, it takes longer for her to get warmed up than for us. As the saying goes, men are like light switches–flip them and we’re ready to go. Women are like pots of water–they need time to boil. So, warm her up before pleasing yourself. And it doesn’t start in the bedroom. It starts outside with how you treat her. Make her feel beautiful and wanted… the water has already started to boil.
• Focus on what works for her, not on your pride (i.e. “I need to be the best ever”). This attitude of putting aside your pride, according to her, will put you in the sexual elite of men.
2. ALL women are DIFFERENT
• For every woman, the rule book is written afresh. So take the time to discover what THIS SPECIFIC woman HERE AND NOW prefers.
• To complicate things further, the same woman’s preferences also changes from moment to moment—so pay attention to her changes of mood and adjust accordingly.
3. Communicate and Pay Attention
• Observe her to figure out what’s working or not. For example, if she’s flat and quiet, change what you’re doing or take a step back, tell her she’s beautiful, and ask how she’s feeling. But if her back is arching, her legs are opening further, she’s moaning and panting, DON’T STOP THE RHYTHM–keep doing what you’re doing (unless of course you wanna tease her little before she explodes…observe the cat playing with the mouse hehehe)
• Verbal Communication: ASK if she likes what you’re doing. She’ll appreciate this—a lot. I’ve talked to women about this and they said they wished guys would do this more often. They all say it would make her comfortable enough to tell us what she likes or doesn’t like. It also shows you have the BALLS—and humility—to ask. And the fact you want to please her and not just yourself, will make you stand out in her mind. Also, asking/talking to her prevents her mind from wondering and keeps her in the present moment, which will get her closer to mind-blowing bliss.
• Non-Verbal Communication: for example, if you’re fingering her, place her hand in your palm and ask her to trace circles on your palm. Follow her rhythm. If she presses on your palm, apply pressure. If she eases pressure, ease pressure. You can even can say, “Hey, squeeze my hand if you like how this feels.” This is VERY effective, especially if you have a girl who’s on the shy side to talk in bed.
* You know that long, slow vertical climb on a roller coaster? The anticipation of the drop makes your heart beats faster? Then when you reach the peak, you surrender to the drop and scream with excitement. That feeling of anticipation is what you want to build inside her.
• 75% of her enjoyment comes from her MIND
• Soooooo…build a YEARNING within her MIND AND body.
• DO NOT go straight to her obvious sexual parts or to intercourse. Take a detour, maybe slowly tracing patterns on her skin. OR lean in for a kiss, but don’t kiss her. OR when she’s about to cum, back off and let her finish when YOU want to. TAKE YOUR FUCKING TIME before going anywhere near her vagina.
• Make her BEG for it. Make her LONG for it. Make her ACHE for it. Once you enter her, she’ll be so close to orgasm already that making her cum is a cinch. Man, women love this shit…they take pleasure in the process, not the goal. Actually, you know what? Now that I’ve been doing this, I so much prefer it this way, too. I mean, wouldn’t you prefer to enjoy the taste of your food making the experience last rather than wolfing it down?
5. No Performance
• Don’t be perfect. When you watch sex on the big screen it looks all perfect and serious with violins playing in the background, but you don’t have to mimic that. Have you ever seen the way your face looks during sex? It ain’t pretty. I’ve also fallen off the bed, bumped heads—there’s a lot of funny clumsy shit that happens during sex. We all know how much women love to laugh and how much that turns them on. So why stop when you’re in bed with her (or on the kitchen table or wherever you are)? Play, laugh, have fun, talk during sex. It doesn’t have to be this big dramatic thing where all of a sudden you’re not allowed to talk or look each in the eye anymore. WTF, right?
• Put aside the ego. You’re going to fuck-up. So fucking what? How else are you going to learn? Roll with it and move on. More important than “performing,” is leading her, discovering new lands together. That attitude takes a lot of pressure off you and makes us less self-conscious. And without that self-consciousness, now we can make some art.
• Rather than perform, be together with her.