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BODY LANGUAGE 101: How to Attract Women with your Body Language

Albert Mehrabian…

…professor of psychology at UCLA, came up with the theory that there are three elements in communication: words, tone of voice, and non-verbal behavior including facial expressions, gestures, and posture. These are also known as the 3 “V”s: Verbal, Vocal, and Visual.

He conducted his study in 1967, and published articles in two journals, “Journal of Consulting Psychology” and “British Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology.” What he was referring to was communicating feelings and attitude, not content.

Words do communicate content better than body language. But in terms of feeling, if words disagreed with the tone of someone’s voice or posture, people tended to believe the non-verbal cues more than the words. Case in point:

• Verbal: “I’m being honest.”
• Non-verbal: person avoids eye contact, looks anxious, and has closed body language.

In his first article, he chose two words, “dear” and “terrible” and spoke these words in different tones to his subjects to see how important the meaning of the word was. He found voice tone to be more influential than the word itself.

In his second article, he dealt with facial expressions. He showed subjects black and white photographs of facial expressions and played a tape recording of voice tone saying the single word in different ways. The ratio he found between facial expressions to voice tone in importance of communication was 3:2.

When he combined the results of his two studies together, he came up with the now famous ratio that words were 7% of communication, voice tone 38%, and non-verbal cues 55%.

Later studies by other professors did away with tape recordings and photographs and included body posture and gestures. When body gestures were added with facial expressions as non-verbal behavior, the studies verified even further the importance of non-verbal cues.

His point was we communicate our feelings and attitude more through body language than through verbal language.

So, when approaching a woman, because women are so attuned to the emotional messages we convey, it’s important to know how we communicate to her through our body. Again, words definitely matter. It’s a myth to say that they don’t. But how we say the words or how we feel about them is the difference between seeing black and white words on a page, and seeing colorful words spoken with life and expression.

For example, take one of the most clichéd pickup lines: “Oh you’re so beautiful.” You can make it work, depending on how you say it. You can actually make the words MEAN completely different things, whether you say it in an angry tone,

or in a tone that objectifies her

or in a joking tone

or with complete sincerity.

She’ll feel whatever emotion lies behind the words and feel either drawn to it or turned off by it.

Again, this isn’t to say words don’t matter. They do. Words have the magic of creating a world, a reality, and a frame of mind. They mean something. But words are more important when communicating content.

When communicating the feeling inside, the body communicates this far more powerfully. For example, the words a professor uses to deliver a lecture are important, that’s how a student learns content. But a student gets a sense of how the professor feels about the content through his voice tone and non-verbal behavior.

This sheds light on how to think about body language. Body language isn’t just a set of gestures, facial expressions, and voice tones. Well, in a cultural sense it is. For example, make the “OK” sign in North America and it means “OK,” but in Turkey it means “gay man,” in France “worthless,” and in Japan “money.”

Or, in Saudi Arabia, men hold hands to show mutual respect, but in North America, that’s a sign of homosexuality.

But a smile, a surprised face, tears are non-verbal cues that cut across cultures.

Even cats and dogs express how they’re feeling through their bodies and understand us when we’re angry or affectionate without knowing our cultural words or body signs.

Aside from cultural signs, body language is the outer extension of what you’re feeling inside.

Feel insecure and your body will hunch over and your eyes will lower.

Feel confident and your body will stand tall and your eyes will look up.

Feel like you want to leave, and all of a sudden your body is pointing towards the door.

So, to get your body language right, one simple solution is to hold the right thought or feeling in your mind and body. Your body will naturally reflect that thought or feeling.

In turn, the woman you’re talking with will feel your feeling in her body. It’s like yawning. When someone yawns, other people yawn.

The other people who yawned second didn’t consciously decide to yawn. Their bodies felt the tiredness from the first person and in turn they felt tired. Likewise, a woman will feel the feeling you’re reflecting in your body in hers. She’ll feel your insecurity and she’ll want to get away without knowing exactly why. But if she feels your relaxed confidence and great mood, she’ll want to stick around to feel more of those wonderful feelings. In that sense body language can create some serious gut level attraction.

So, what’s the right feeling to hold in your mind and body?

Relaxation, baby! Burn that word into your mind. Relaxed. Anytime you’re wondering how to sit or stand or walk, think, “What would I do if I were feeling relaxed and comfortable?” Imagine you’re home by yourself and not self-conscious. That’s how your body should be. Forget you’re in a bar or club or in someone else’s place. Imagine you’re right at home, relaxed and comfortable. This will automatically come across as confidence.

The reverse is true, too. What I mean is if you’re feeling anxious, nervous, or insecure but you adopt the body language of relaxation and comfort, you’ll change your feeling from anxiety to comfort, confidence, and relaxation. That’s why below I’ll go over specific body language.

For now, do this little exercise. Put a smile on your face. It doesn’t have to be real. Now think of a traumatic experience while you’re smiling. Can you do it? You can’t! It’s actually impossible to feel a negative emotion, even if it’s a fake smile.

Same thing goes with a confident stance. If you stand confidently, you can no longer feel nervous. On the other hand, if you feel confident and you change your body posture to look insecure, suddenly you’ll feel insecure.

To me that says something very interesting about the mind-body connection problem in philosophy.

Mind and body are interconnected, they’re not separate phenomena. That’s a whole other very interesting story, though. Below are specific body language to practice.

SITTING DOWN:

Take up more space than usual. Sit back in your chair. And be asymmetric. Meaning your shoulders shouldn’t be square or symmetric but comfortably asymmetric. (credit: Lance Mason) If your shoulders are square you come across as proper and stiff, not comfortable. You’re in your home, remember?

MOVEMENTS:

All movements are at half-speed. And every movement has a deliberate purpose. Fidgeting is not moving with purpose. It’s a form of tension, not relaxation. When in doubt, stay still, calm, and collected. There’s no need to move when you don’t have to.

STANDING:

Stand up for a sec. Stand with your legs double shoulder width apart. Now, put all your weight on one leg. Slide the other leg to the leg with all the weight on it. Your feet should make an “L” shape. The foot of the leg with all the weight should point straight ahead and the other foot should form the L. If someone were to push you, you’d fall over. But that’s the point. You have no fear anyone’s going to push you over, because you’re fearless, because you own the room. More importantly, you’ll feel and look more comfortable in this stance. Standing like a box is a no-no. You’ll come across as stiff. Be asymmetric. Asymmetry = relaxed/natural. Think of the classical Greek sculptures that looked natural versus the Egyptian statues that looked rigid. The Greek statues had an asymmetric stance whereas the Egyptian had a square one.

Lean Back. Have Fat Joe’s song playing in the back of your mind: “Now lean back, lean back, lean back, lean back. I said my n*&$as don’t dance, See we just pull up the pants and Do the Roc-a-way, Now lean back, lean back, lean back, lean back.”

The great thing about this stance is it’s hard to lean in or move around unnecessarily. Stay still and composed.

When talking with a girl at first, have your body partly facing away from her.

It’ll make her feel more comfortable. It’s as if you could leave. You’re saying through your body, “I’m not going to entrap you and be here forever.”

By contrast, if you face her squarely it can feel confrontational. Don’t do this.

And don’t stand like this.

Stand WITH her, not one-on-one against her. Have your body face next to hers at an almost diagonal line. Bonus: you can get away standing closer to her, which makes it easier to kino.

Yet standing side by side makes her feel far more at ease.

Within a couple of minutes of the opener, lean your back against the bar or the wall or sit down–letting the set yon won’t stay long. Yet make yourself at home. When you’re leaned back, you look and feel more comfortable and confident.

Also, it looks as though the girl is hitting on YOU! Credit goes to Mystery for that.

Another great tip from Mystery: there’s no need to drink in a bar. In fact, drinking can put you at a disadvantage. Better to keep your mind clear and sharp.

If you do have a glass in your hand, keep it at your side, rather than by your chest. Keeping it by your side is relaxed. Keeping it close to your chest tense and defensive. In general, keep your hands by your side.

Hands by the side communicate openness, hands blocking the heart or belly is defensive. But if you’re leaned back, it naturally makes your hands feel comfortable too.

If you’re not leaned back yet and having your hands by your side feels uncomfortable, put your thumb and middle together, and it will make your hands feel more comfortable.

You can put your hands behind your back, too, which lifts up the chest and keeps your heart area open.

But the best rule about hands is put them where they feel most comfortable. Also, again, lean back and make yourself feel at home. Your hands will feel at home too.

SHOULDERS, CHEST, NECK, AND JAW:

Relax every part of your body.

Try this. Exhale a deep breath. Can you feel how relaxed every body part feels now? Remember that feeling and allow your body to feel this all the time, even in the most stressful situations.

Bonus: when your body is relaxed, your breathing deepens and your voice naturally deepens as well. And as we all know, Barry White is always a plus with women.

Here’s another exercise to maintain good body language. Lift up your shoulders. Now drop them and let them hang back.

Your shoulders should always be relaxed. When you’re in set or really when you’re talking to anyone, ask yourself, “are my shoulders relaxed?” and drop them back. Lance Mason once said that relaxing your shoulders takes care of relaxing so many other body parts. It naturally lifts the chest. It relaxes your neck. And, this is hugely important, it relaxes your jaw.

It’s impossible to seduce a woman when your jaw is tense. (credit: Lance Mason)

When you’re out with friends laughing and having a great time, your jaw will naturally relax.

And when your entire body is relaxed, she’ll relax herself. When she’s relaxed, now she’s in the mood to be seduced. Bonus: relaxing your body during sex allows you to last longer.

WALKING:

Walk SLOWLY, relaxed.

Normally people walk into a venue quickly, afraid, as if they don’t want to be seen, like they don’t belong. But let people check you out. You’re the shit. You’re fearless. Take your time when you walk, observe what’s going on, take in the scene. Think about how awesome you are, and how much you have to offer women. You’re in absolutely no rush at all. Keep your head up, shoulders back, chest up. Relax your face and beam. Smile. Lead with your hip area, which includes your sex, not your head. Think John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.

You’ll come across as sexually charged and confident.

OPEN BODY LANGUAGE VS. DEFENSIVE BODY LANGUAGE:

Defensive body language—crossed arms, hunched over.

Open body language—exposed chest and belly, erect, arms at the side comfortably.

Open body language is warm, welcoming, friendly, and relaxed. Defensive body language is tense. Take note.

THE APPROACH:

The approach begins before you say your opening line. If your body language is insecure before you walk up to a group of women (or mixed group of men and women), your walk and your approach is going to flop, I guarantee it. But if your body language is slow and confident before you walk up, when you arrive, the set will pay attention.

Don’t walk toward the set in a straight line, because it will trigger their defensive shields. Instead, walk towards them in a semi-circle. It’s less confrontational and friendlier.

Mystery was the one who made a connection between the “The Horse Whisperer” and approaching women.

Like horses, women take on a “prey” role when they’re approached by us the “predator.” Of course, that’s the wrong way to think about approaching a woman, but that’s how it might feel to her. That’s why like horses, women tend to go out in “packs.” And why men often have no problem going out alone. Because, like horses, women want safety, comfort, and fun. They can find safety in those packs. So, just as a horse whisperer–sensitive to the horse’s need for safety–approaches a horse without barging in on him, so we guys must approach a woman in a non-predatory fashion. Walking towards her indirectly in semi-circle makes a woman feel more comfortable.

Now, if the set is standing in a circle, put your hand into the middle of the circle to get everyone’s attention. Yes, you’re going to interrupt them, and yes it may seem a bit rude at first. But if you’re smiling, being friendly, and adding value, people usually don’t mind.

Now step back to communicate you’re not a threat. Give them a second to size you up before you open your mouth. They literally won’t be able to hear a word you say until they have sized you up. If you allow them that second to see you, they’re more likely to pay attention to what you’re about to say. (credit: Lance Mason)

If there’s a guy in the set, talk to the guy first, and show him respect. As long as you show him respect, he has no reason to AMOG you. Same goes for the unattractive female friend. Talk to her first and give her as much attention and respect as your target. If you can win over the target’s friend, you’ve eliminated a potential cock block. In fact, she’ll give her friend to you. While you’re in set, make eye contact with each person, do not exclude anyone.

Within 3 minutes, lock into the set and make yourself comfortable. Lean back on a wall or sit down and lean back in the chair.

Also, feel free to move around within the set if you’re standing. You don’t have to stay in one place and be stuck. For instance, you could say “no way!” and back away. When a girl comes after you, she’s subtly chasing you. And when you talk with others, move over to them and talk from the side.

Strangers generally talk to each other from the front and friends talk to each other from the side, so talk to everyone from the side.

And touch!

Give high fives, touch their arms, hug, put your arms around their shoulders for a sec. Then when you kino the target, she’s just another person in the set. The basic principle here is to treat your set as friends, not strangers.

GROOMING AND DRESS:

Grooming and dress is an extension of body language.

Make sure your nails are cut. Besides looking cleaner, when your nails are cut you’re less likely to hurt her while fingering her.

Make sure facial, nose, ear, and body hairs are under control, and it doesn’t hurt to trim the pubes. Make sure you’re showered, smell good, your teeth are brushed, and your breath is fresh. Mystery once said you could be the world’s greatest pickup artist, but if your breath is bad, you’re getting nowhere.

Fashion is a subject for another article, but suffice it to say that clothes are a language onto itself. Clothes can communicate your identity, how together your life is, your taste, how socially free you are, your social status, your sex appeal, and your masculinity. Be aware of the message you’re sending out with your clothes.

VOICE TONE:

Relax, and speak slowly. You’ll come across as authoritative and in control. Enunciate, especially the finaL consonanT of your wordS. This makes it easier for people to understand you, especially in loud environments. Lower your voice, and use your diaphragm. Think Santa’s laugh “Ho Ho Ho!”

This will also make it easier to project your voice as if on stage. Be expressive and feel the words. Exaggerate the emotions if you have to.

Enthusiasm captivates. Vary the pace: talk slow in some parts, and fast in the exciting parts. Brad P once said there’s melody in the way we speak. When we speak we actually sing to each other. Make sure you’re singing to her. All this is possible when you slow down, relax, and enjoy what you’re talking about.

MASCULINE BODY LANGUAGE:

Relaxation is attractive because it sub-communicates confidence. It also comes across as masculine because you’re composed. This is an important point. When we emphasize our masculine traits in our body language we become more attractive to women. Here are some ways to bring out our masculinity:

Let her orient herself to you first.

If you’re both looking straight ahead, let her be the first one to turn her body to face yours. Let her show interest first, so she’s the one chasing you.

Don’t break eye contact first. Whoever breaks eye contact first communicates submissiveness. Since you’re the man, you need to be the stronger one. Let her break eye contact first.

Take the lead.

When walking somewhere, put your hand on the small of her back, and lead her.

There’s something about touching the small of a woman’s back that drives her crazy. You can take her hand and lead her, too. Pull her towards you. And during sex or when you’re cuddling, move her around to where you want her to be.

Protect her Physically.

Open doors for her and gently guide her in. Pull a chair out for her.

Help her with her coat.

Give her your jacket if she’s cold. Put your arm around her and hold her close.

Walk on the outside of the curb.

Put your body between her and any potential threats.

For example, if you’re walking by a sketchy guy or a big dog, or if a fight breaks out in a bar, stand between your girl and the threat. Take her away from danger. And don’t be afraid to help someone in need if you’re walking down the street on a date.

Obviously, don’t do this to impress her, but do it genuinely because you’re the type of man that looks out for other people.

CONCLUSION:

The most important thing to keep in mind is to feel relaxed and great inside.

In the meantime, practice good body language until it becomes natural. For example, when you’re driving, ask yourself, do I look relaxed? When you’re in set, ask yourself, are my shoulders relaxed? How would I stand if we already knew each other? Am I leaned back and do I feel comfortable? Awareness of your body is a majority of the battle.

But whatever you do practice. And don’t just practice when you’re approaching the most beautiful women. Practice everyday throughout the day, at work, in the car, alone, with friends. Then when you’re around that woman of particular beauty, confident body language will be a natural.

Now you can sit back, relax, pay attention, listen, and let her come to you. The right body language will attract women, for sure.

But even better, it’ll change your inner-game.

 

Myth #2 About Pickup: Canned Material Isn’t Being Genuine

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One big benefit of learning routines: gets you to practice in front of the mirror. Do me a favor. Next time you go out, practice in front of the mirror first.

Benefits of Learning Routines:

  • You can let your personality shine.
  • You can lead a conversation somewhere.
  • You have an icebreaker in a pinch.
  • Gives you self-awareness of delivery.
  • It’s a way to model guys who are successful with women.
  • CAUTION: To avoid becoming a robot… understand WHY a routine works and mix in spontaneous conversation.

Use BOTH Routines AND Spontaneous Conversation

Reason this myth makes me laugh: we use routines all the time. Hell, one of the most spontaneous comedians ever, Robin Williams, used canned material.

He had a few stories he’d tell multiple times. For example, he’d tell a story about how he’s so hairy ladies waxing him asked if they could take a break. (The story begins at minute 4 below)

 

I’ve heard him tell that story on like five different talk shows.

He used a story that works. But he ALSO improvised, was spontaneous, played off people in the moment.

He did both.

I’d say we’re all like that. We all have “improvised” conversation AND occasionally we’ll use a story we know works. That’s all “routines” are. Stories or one-liners we can pull out in a snap that we know works well.

Here’s another routine Robin used when he talked about his hairiness. It’s at 13:12. I’ve heard him tell this story before, too. (BONUS: if you wanna hear a hilarious story about how the Scottish invented golf, check out minute 5:57. It’s awesome.)

 

Point is, Robin was a master improviser who also used canned material. Nothing wrong with using canned material. Everyone does it. Just use normal, spontaneous conversation too.

Wait, everyone uses canned material?

Of course. Saying “hey, how’s it going?” is a canned routine. So is “thank-you.” Telling a polished story you know works (think of an uncle who’s told a story you’ve heard a couple times) is a canned routine.

Once again, the trick is to use BOTH routines AND spontaneous conversation.

To avoid becoming a “robot,” understand WHY a routine works so you can invent new ones on the fly, when you need, in the moment.

Using routines vs. not using routines: ain’t an either/or thing. We can use both.

Here’s the other thing. Routines come in handy.

Sometimes when we’re caught off guard and draw a blank, we’ve got a routine in our back pocket we know works. When you don’t know what to say, you’ve got that just-in-case. It’s called being prepared.

Fortune-favors-the-prepared-mind.__quotes-by-Louis-Pasteur-77

Routines allow us to be prepared.

Here’s ANOTHER way routines come in handy: learning to speak “Woman.”

Routines are a Learning Tool

Comparison with learning a foreign language

Speaking “woman” can feel like learning a foreign language, right? The language of flirting, of speaking in code, of speaking emotionally (rather than factually) can feel like learning French.

Quick story: I’m teaching myself to speak Italian with these “Speak in a Week” CDs I pop into my car. They teach you common phrases. You memorize ’em, practice ’em, master ’em.

The idea is: just as a baby learns to speak by mimicking phrases he hears over and over again, so on this CD you mimic some of the most common Italian phrases. And just as a baby learns those phrases and soon makes up his own, so I’ve been able to make up my own sentences in Italian by getting down the “routine” phrases first.

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Learning a foreign language consists of learning “routines.” Why should learning to speak Woman be any different?

Learning routines is the same idea. You start by mimicking a few “phrases” that work well when learning to speak Woman. Once you get a feel of what that’s like, you start to branch out and speak Woman on your own. Until you’re speaking it fluently and spontaneously.

Because when it comes down to it, it’s not even the words that are super important. It’s what you’re SUB-COMMUNICATING that’s important.

Having words down ahead of time allows a guy to use words to let his own personality shine. Words are just the surface. The clothing. Sub-communication gives the clothes form. Routines are clothes that show your personality below the surface. And a great personality attracts chicks.

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This dress indicates her form. Routines are like this: the surface. Expressing (the indication) words (the dress) hint at our personality (the form). So, expression’s important, not whether you’re using a routine or not. Like driving a car, the driver’s more important than whether you’ve rented the car or not. In other words, a magic trick doesn’t make a magician. The performance of a magic trick make the magician.

Now, get this counter-intuitive thing.

I’ve ALSO found having words down ahead of time also allows me to be in the moment more. Crazy, right? Because I already know what to say… That frees me up to pay attention to women’s body language, play with my own delivery, make connections between different topics. I tune in more, and I can take the conversation somewhere more easily.

Let me give you an example of how routines can help you listen, in case that sounds too crazy. Piano.

Comparison with learning piano

Right now I’m learning to play a “routine” Beethoven wrote on the piano. I’m learning the notes (i.e. the words), but the real juice isn’t just in the notes. It’s how I play the notes. The expression from within. The delivery. Knowing what the notes are ahead of time allows me to listen to myself play, express myself better, and be in the moment.

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A “routine” written by Beethoven (this here’s the “Appassionata Sonata”). If learning a routine in pickup is a bad thing, does that mean learning a routine for piano is a bad thing too? By the way, the point isn’t to play every note correctly. The point is to express them.

It’s the same damn thing with learning a routine in pickup.

Not only that, but by taking the time to understand why a “routine” by Beethoven works well, I can go on to create my own compositions, and improvise my own stuff on the piano.

Sweet!

I learn the rules from the masters, master the way they speak, and then can make up my own stuff using my own voice later.

In fact, this is EXACTLY how stand-up comedians learn to be funny.

Comparison with stand-up comedians

Last comparison, I promise.

This is what I’ve heard about how stand-up comedians learn to be funny. They model guys who are funny. Duh, right? They may even practice a few of their bits.

Well, if professional comedians do it why is it some moral issue that a guy who wants to learn how to be more successful with women do it?

And comedians go on to create bits for themselves… they don’t just blindly mimic the masters forever and ever. Some bits may come from improv. But they PRACTICE and POLISH those bits into material that goes into the can (their head). And they go on to kill at a show.

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A comedian getting his routine down before he hits the stage. The best pickup artists do the same thing.

Couldn’t you say if comedy was just about the words, anyone could do it? The juice is in how they deliver the words (and how they time it). In other words, the sub-communication, the character they play, may be even more important.

That’s why it’s so important to PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE your routines in the quiet of your home before using them in field.

::: A good rule of thumb in how to practice :::

Practice a routine five times to get it to memory. Practice five times in front of the mirror to see your body language. THEN practice your routine on five sets.

But note once again how comedians use BOTH routines and improv.

My point is, even stand-up comedians learn to be funny by learning routines! So why then is it somehow “morally” wrong to learn how to flirt, start interesting conversations, and tell great stories by learning a routine? Especially since pickup IS a performance art.

When we open a group of girls, it’s a lot like being on stage. Routines allow us to practice being our best self live with people… people who often want to dismiss us before wanting to accept us.

Learning routines can prevent that from happening. They’re are a fantastic learning tool. And they make AWESOME ice-breakers.

Routines Make Awesome Ice-Breakers

Ever tried to wing a conversation? Don’t they become these go-nowhere conversations that turn into factual small-talk conversation?

Um, no thank-you.

Having an ice-breaker in your back-pocket makes it sooooo much easier to open a conversation. Once the icebreaker is done, now you can mix in normal, spontaneous conversation.

Ah, much better.

So, routines allow us to be PREPARED when talking with women. What a concept!

It’s another reason condemning routines makes me laugh. Oh-kay. So just go in unprepared and pray awesome conversation magically happens. Yay.

No, no, no, no.

Like Alexander Graham said:

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Or Will Smith: “I’ve always considered myself to be just average talent and what I have is a ridiculous insane obsessiveness for practice and preparation.”

If you wanna succeed in the pickup arts, take the time to prepare. That’s what learning routines are about. Being prepared.

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Again, take the time to rehearse, practice, prepare before hitting the field. Will make your success rate go up. Guaranteed.

One last Robin Williams video. At minute 2 he talks about how his free-flow also has discipline, thought, and preparation behind it.

 

Yes, be spontaneous. But for God’s sakes, there’s no need to wing it.

Musicians practice their guitar before going on stage. Basketball players practice their foul shots before the big game. The master pickup artists practice their routines and prepare before going out into the field.

Yes, Mystery, Neil Strauss, Matador, Discovery all practice routines in front of the mirror (and prepare themselves first) before going out into the field.

Why would you go on a stage not knowing what to do?

And here’s the irony. Like we said already, it’s EASIER to have spontaneous conversation (and listen and be in the present) when you know what you want to say ahead of time.

So. Routines make awesome icebreakers. They allow us to open a conversation with ease. And to lead it somewhere.

But wait, I can hear an objection: “Routines are not genuine because I’m using someone else’s stories.”

Aren’t Using Routines Not Being Genuine Though?

Sure, if you’re telling a story that didn’t happen to you, that’s a lie. I do NOT encourage that.

But good news! It’s so easy to personalize a routine to fit your style and voice. Just personalize the damn thing and make it genuine for yourself.

Shit, and why NOT stand on the shoulders of people who are successful?

That’s ANOTHER thing about this myth that makes me laugh. Implied is the idea of you’ve always gotta be original, new, different. So much so it’s conventional to be unconventional.

Besides, the best artists first learn from the masters by modeling them, building on them. Then they find their own voice in the process.

Hell, even Newton said he could see far only because he stood on the shoulders of giants. Da Vinci learned by imitating masters that came before him, too. Hell, Mozart mastered the sonata from Papa Haydn.

So, why not model guys who’ve been successful with women and adapt to your own style? That’s not being genuine?

Hahahaha! Please don’t make me laugh so hard.

I even heard this interview with Tucker Max once, someone a lot of people would call a “natural,” and you know how he said he learned to be more successful with women?

He stole lines from guys who were more successful with women than him. He’d see a guy use a line that worked, he’d steal it, and adapt to his own style. He used their “routines” to model himself after them, and found his own style in the process.

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Tucker Max, who penned “I Hope They Served Beer In Hell” and is known for being spontaneous as hell, said he learned how to be successful with women by stealing lines from guys who were better with women (back when he was still learning).

Fuck. Even Tucker Max uses canned material now and then.

But it’s obvious. We all do! If a person claims they don’t, he’s just lying to himself.

How To Avoid The (Possible) Pitfalls of Routines 

Let me just repeat this one important point, though.

To avoid becoming a “routines” robot, it’s important to understand WHY a line or routine works, so you can make up your own stuff.

Also, it’s important to mix in spontaneous conversation.

But that’s so obvious, it almost goes without saying.

The good news is in using other material that works, it gives you an intuitive sense of what works and what doesn’t. By copying, modeling, and following the masters, you become a master yourself.

Excellent!

So, yes don’t say things that aren’t true of you. But if there’s a line that works and it’s true to you and it helps you to speak the language of Woman… Use it.

You’ll have something in pinch, you’ll be prepared, you’ll showoff what’s within you, and it makes it a helluva lot easier to have spontaneous conversation.

Let me say it again. Routines are such a great learning tool, and a great tool to have in the back-pocket.

So, next time you’re in a bar or a club or even on the street, see a beautiful women, want to approach her, and draw a blank… you’ll know what to say!

You’ll already have an opener in the back of your mind. No matter how intimidatingly beautiful the woman is. You can deliver it without even having to think about it.

You can START the conversation and LEAD it. And holy shit, is that attractive.

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With routines, next time you see a woman on the street who takes your breath away… you won’t be intimidated. You’ll know exactly what to say.

Done right, routines are wonderful. That means:

  1. practicing in the mirror (before you hit the field)
  2. understanding why a routine works (so you can make up your own shit later), and
  3. combining it with your own spontaneous conversation.

You’ll be speaking Woman fluently, communicating awesomely. Your personality will shine through more. You’ll be socially freer. And you’ll be more self-aware.

I’d say that’s the REAL reason to get into game. To know thyself and become a more excellent man (that attracts women naturally).

Now, speaking of routines, there’s another myth related to this one (about routines) that irritates me: that natural game is better. Holy cannoli. Let’s talk about that one next.

 
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Posted by on August 6, 2015 in Home, Myths about Pickup

 

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My First ebook is here (YES!)

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It took me forever to figure out how to hook up the payment processing and how to protect the book, but I finally did it. (It’s harder than I thought it was going to be… Hey, I’m just starting out, leave me alone.)

The book’s called “How To Pick Up Chicks In Five Simple Steps.” It’s about 74 pages and it’s $10.

Basically, it’s about how to move the heaviest obstacle in the world: the stranger barrier.

Wouldn’t you say it’s the biggest challenge in pickup? The first approach?

The second most intimidating part may be the first kiss. But what they both have in common is they’re areas we can get rejected. So it’s scary.

Anyway, after about eight months in the field trying to figure out how to get past the “stranger” barrier (and failing miserably), I finally figured out a system. Figuring this system out was THE turning point for me. After I figured this out, things became a lot easier with women.

That system is what this book’s all about.

Building on top of this system I had other AWESOME successes: threesomes, multiple girlfriends (in an honest way), same day lays, picking up strippers, beautiful women chasing ME (that was a new one for me). Without this system, none of that wouldn’t have been possible.

It also changed my life in terms of how to be funnier, how to create sexual tension with any woman I wanted, and how to be more socially free (as well as more joyful and more confident).

What I personally love about this ebook is the emphasis is on practice.

Yes, there’s theory, but I also include a step-by-step thirty-day practice plan, including a stack sheet you can plug your words into. I take your hand and make sure you IMPLEMENT this system. I also break down kino, body language (I drew a couple of primitive pics to illustrate), and I give you word-for-word scripts you can use today.

PLUS I included a word-for-word field report of the system in action so you can steal it, use it, model it.

AND I’ve given you specific scripts on the kiss close, the number close, a rapport-building routine for isolation (The Cube), and how to isolate.

In Mystery Method terms, the book takes you from A1 to C1. But like I said above, this is the FOUNDATION of game. Get these stages down (A1 – C1), you can get the rest.

Speaking of the rest of game, I’ll be coming out with my main book in December. That one’s called “The Mystery of Women.” It includes (in addition to A1 – C1) all my best stuff on Day 2’s, seduction, sex, inner-game, relationship maintenance, and advanced game (like threesomes, club game, hired guns).

That book is OFF THE HOOK. Holy shit, am I pumped about it.

As for this first ebook I don’t hold back. I’ve packed it with PRACTICE and I’m offering it at a super low price.

The reason: I really, really want you to get this. And of course, there’s a thirty-day back money guarantee in case it doesn’t work for you (but I know it will work for you).

Check it out here. Let me know what you think.

Yours truly,

Renaissan

 
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Posted by on June 5, 2015 in Home, Product Announcements

 

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How To Pick Up Any Girl You Want By Using This Simple System

When I first started out in pickup, I’d see a beautiful woman and I’d become paralyzed. It took me about eight months to figure out how to solve this problem. That’s exactly what this ebook’s about.

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My new ebook! Woo-hoo. Can’t tell you how excited I am about this baby. It’s awesome. But I’m biased.

 

It’s called “How To Pick Up Chicks In Five Simple Steps” and it’s meant to help you move one of the heaviest obstacles in the world: the “stranger” barrier.

“Here Are The Two Secrets That Make This System Kick Ass”

Here are the two secrets I discovered about how to do move that barrier.

First, a woman will ask herself five questions about you when you approach her. They are:

  • Why is he talking with me?
  • Is he a psycho?
  • How long is he going to be here?
  • Who is he?
  • What does he have to offer me?

She won’t hear a word of what you’re saying until she knows the answers to those questions. So, the first secret’s to answer them within the first five minutes.

Second, according to a scientific study done by Arthur Aron at SUNY-Stony Brook, there are three basic things we all need to fall in love:

  • to feel sexual tension
  • mutual self-disclosure (or to feel a connection)
  • to feel liked

The second secret’s to hit on these three things, again, within the first five minutes of meeting a woman.

How, you ask?

That’s exactly what the system in this ebook is about. HOW to hit on the three things we need to fall in love, and how to answer a woman’s first five questions, within the first five minutes of meeting any woman.

Before I figured out this system, I can’t tell you how often I was rejected by women when I approached them. After I figured out these two secrets, everything changed for the better. Now I want you to have the same fun and success.

By the way, let me give credit where credit is due. I didn’t figure this out all on my own. Mystery, Lance Mason, and an author named Nicolas Boothman helped me, too. I combined all their brilliant insights into this one master approach.

“What You’ll Find Inside My Killer eBook”

Here’s what you’ll find inside:

  • Pictures to illustrate how your body language should look.
  • Word-for-word scripts for every phase in the approach.
    • openers
    • how to flirt and make her laugh
    • engaging stories to tell
    • qualifiers
    • statements-of-interest
    • how to have a one-on-one sit-down with her
    • what to say when building comfort and rapport
    • how to kiss
    • how to number close
  • A break down of each step you must take in an approach. You’ll understand WHY you’re doing what you’re doing so you won’t be a slave to scripts. And make up your own stuff on the fly.
  • An inner-game “kick-in-the-rear” to make sure you’re out into the field implementing.
  • A ten page field report of what my system looks like in action. Yes, it’s an actual approach taken from my own experience so you can see how this works. So you can model it.
  • A “silent wingman.” That is, a worksheet to plug all your words into. I give you a structure, all you have to do is fill it out with words.
  • A tracker so you can track every approach you make. Self-awareness is the key to change. These trackers will help you see what to continue doing in your approaches and what to improve on next time.
  • A thirty-day week-by-week practice plan so you know exactly what to do each week to nail down this approach. Each week builds on the last so you’re crawling before walking, walking before running.

Here are more specifics of what you’ll find inside:

  • what a woman thinks when you’re approaching her
  • how to kino
  • how attraction and sexual tension works
  • how to open properly
  • how falling in love works
  • inner-game coaching
  • The Cube and other word-for-word stories
  • play-fighting lines that’ll make girls laugh, break the ice, and attract
  • how to multithread, with an example to model
  • how to qualify
  • an example from opening to building comfort
  • how to kiss close
  • how to get a SOLID number close
  • how to win her friends over
  • how to deal with contingencies like shit-test and interrupts
  • how to have a one-on-one sit down with her
  • what to talk about when alone with her for the first time
  • how to lock-in
  • how to give a genuine compliment without coming across as a kiss-ass
  • how to captivate a group
  • female psychology
  • how to intrigue

Basically, this ebook is about the fundamentals of “pickup.” Get these fundamentals down and anything’s possible. The first part of the ebook is theory. The second part is a practice plan so you can get out there and apply it.

Try it risk free. If you try this system for thirty days and you find it didn’t work for you, no worries. Email me at whetyourwomanhelpdesk@gmail.com, and I’ll refund your money.

Oh and did I mention? It’s only $10.

“Give it a test drive TODAY”

Buy Now

Yours truly,

 Justin a.k.a. “Renaissan”

P.S. You get a practice plan, techniques, scripts, a tracker, and a structure that WORKS. I use this stuff in my own life all the time. It’s changed my life, I know it’ll do the same for you. Remember, you have a 100% satisfaction guarantee: if you’re not happy, YOU DON’T PAY. I’ll take all the risk.

P.P.S. The emphasis is on practice to help you implement this system. My goal is to help you get this part of your life handled so you don’t have to keep throwing money at it.

P.P.P.S. Check out a sample here.

 

“How To Pick Up Chicks In Five Simple Steps” Sample

Okay, here’s what to expect when you turn the page.

The first section is the how-to. I’ll give you all the nuts and bolts from the body language to the words. I organized the five steps into three phases. The phases correspond to the “Attract” phase of the Mystery Method:

Phase One—Open:

Step One. Approach.

Phase Two—You Attract Her:

Step Two. Play-Fight
Step Three. Give Value

Phase Three—She Attracts You:

Step Four. Qualify
Step Five. State Interest/Close.

The second section is the practice. I’ll also give you an example of an approach so you can see what it looks like in action and so you can model it.

The third section is a cheat sheet and a tracker to help you practice this approach. The best pickup artists take an almost scientific approach and track. That’s how they get better. By reflecting and fine-tuning.

In the end, this approach is less about “getting” women and it’s more about self-awareness and self-growth.

Now, let’s kill it.

Table of Contents

Phase 1: Open …. 11

STEP ONE: Approach …. 12

Phase 2: You Attract Her …. 16

STEP TWO: Play-Fight …. 17

STEP THREE: Self-Disclose/Give Value …. 23

Phase 3: She Attracts You …. 35

STEP FOUR: Qualify …. 36

STEP FIVE: State Interest/Close …. 38

Practice & Track …. 43

1. Practice …. 44
2. Track …. 48
3. Review …. 49
4. Your Stack …. 59
5. An Example …. 61

 

How to Attract Women INSTANTLY

Thanks again for signing up for my email newsletter. As a thank-you I want to share with you THE one thing I’ve learned that attracts women instantly.

Play-fighting.

For the longest time I wanted to know how to attract a woman on purpose. You know, how a woman attracts you with her cleavage? It took me a few years to realize that play-fighting is it. It changed my game, and really my life. Because it gave me more confidence, social freedom… and a sense of humor.

So, why does play-fighting work so well? Three reasons as far as I can see.

THE THEORY

First, it’s all about positive energy.

You’re not taking yourself seriously when you play-fight. That’s an attitude of strength. That’s attractive.

Also, play-fighting is the opposite of being factual. It’s imaginative. And imagination is like a breath of fresh air.

‘Cause all of a sudden you don’t have to be this serious, rational adult anymore worried about power and status. You become two four-year-olds playing in a sandbox, not trying to impress anymore, just being in the zone.

These are all pleasurable feelings. If you can get a girl to feel pleasure in your presence and link that pleasure to you, she’ll want more of you.

Second, play-fighting is “sexual” humor.

Play-fighting assumes a romantic (and sexual) context. You play a dominant male, who’s got a line of girls interested in him. She’s another “cutie” who’s chasing you. And you’ve gotta push her away.

Third, in play-fighting there’s a challenge.

‘Cause you’re pushing her away. And let me tell you, the more you push a woman away, the more she wants in. It’s a quirk in all us humans. We pursue that which retreats from us.

Net result? You’re playing! Together. She feels a sexual dynamic. She feels a challenge, playing this game of tug-o-war. Some call this “chemistry.” You can create that through play-fighting.

Awesome, right?

But here’s the catch. This kind of attraction doesn’t last long. It’s like going to a comedy, laughing, and forgetting it the next day.

Play-fighting’s the hook. It helps her WANT to connect with you.

To create long-lasting attraction, you need substance. That means after you share a laugh, share who you are (in an attractive way… for example your passion in life). Get curious about her, then connect with her. That’s long-lasting attraction.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. I get into all that plus A LOT more in a book I wrote called “The Mystery of Women.” In this letter, let’s just focus on play-fighting. We can talk about the rest of that stuff another time.

For now, let me give you three easy steps you can follow so you can start practicing it TODAY. AND I’ll give you some killer lines, too. You’ll see how this INSTANTLY attracts chicks.

STEP ONE. Choose a character: Authority Figure, Valley Girl, or The Selector

Let me give you the rationale behind step one.

Ever seen a beautiful woman and you were like, ‘She’s better than me. I can’t get her. I’m not good enough for her’? I know I have. We’ve all been there. We put this girl on a pedestal above us. We make her the the judge of us. And we feel like we’re on some audition for her.

Well, choosing a character flips that script on its head. You be the judge, she the judgee. You be the selector, she the selectee. You be the auditioner, she the auditionee.

Now, here’s the other cool thing. You’ve probably noticed how guys tend to line up for hot girls, and hot girls line up for celebrities.

Reason is, high-status and personality attracts women the way healthy, fertile bodies with round hips, a shapely ass, and full, firm breasteses attract us.

So this character allows you to ROLE-PLAY that high-status male hot girls line up for. Instead of putting her on pedestal, she becomes a “cute” groupie who’s chasing you. Way better.

“The Authority Figure” and “The Selector” characters are high-status males who’re unaffected by hot women because he’s got an abundance of them already. He’d rather be with a girl who’s got a beautiful heart than just a beautiful ass (not that he doesn’t like the beautiful ass, mind you).

“The Valley Girl” is somewhat different. Girls tend to use the same lines to guys when he approaches them badly. For example, “quit looking at my chest, my eyes are up here.” Give those lines to her before she does. Not only does she laugh, she can’t give you those lines anymore. Pre-emptive strike!

But also, with “The Valley Girl” there’s this sense of “I’m so high-status I’ve gotta push you away,” too. In a funny way, of course. To make her laugh. Never in a rude, literal way (even though a girl may pull this on us).

The lesson behind these characters? Don’t put her on a pedestal just ‘cause she’s beautiful. See past her physical beauty. Be playfully dominant, and connect human-to-human with her.

Let me underline this point.

‘Cause no matter how pretty she is, she’s still human. She still has insecurities and imperfections. The pedestal only exists in the mind, not in reality. Be independent and free from needing to have her. Inside, she’s just an average girl who wants love. She’s not non-human ‘cause she’s a beautiful freak of nature.

That’s the beauty of these characters. It allows us to look beyond a woman’s physical looks so we’re not blinded by them. So we can connect with her human-being-to-human-being. To connect with the spirit inside.

Let me give you some examples of what each of these characters might say:

#1. The Authority Figure:
“That’s it I’m giving you detention.” (The Principal)
“You’re fired!” (The Boss)
“I don’t know who your boyfriend is but he is not spanking you enough.” (The Daddy)

#2. The Valley Girl:
“At least buy me a drink first… And don’t put any roofies in there!”
“You’re looking at me like a fat kid looks at a cheeseburger. And it’s creeping me out.”
“I wore my old briefs tonight to make sure nothing would happen.”

#3. The Selector:
“Note to self: do not date this girl.”
“You’re such a brat.”
“I can already tell you and I would NOT get along.”

It’s playful. It’s about positive energy. It’s playful dominance. Not literal. Make-believe. But you’re still setting a romantic-sexual context, and teasingly pushing her away. Like sexual tag. “You’re it!” Pretend she wants you. Even though she’s laughing, she’ll start to believe it.

STEP TWO. Act out the character.

Here’s how you’ll make her laugh. ACT OUT the character. Like Robin Williams.

Part of what makes Robin so funny is how he ACTS out his characters. Sometimes his words aren’t even that funny, but it’s the way he plays a character that really kills you. The lines come out of the character.

That’s the key to step two. Get into the character. Be it. Then exaggerate it so she knows you’re kidding. Acting out the stereotype’ll make her laugh.

And let me say this again. Humor has a kernel of truth, otherwise it’s not funny. So, if she laughs, she’s accepted the frame that you’re the prize, she wants you, and you’re preselected by women.

Sweet! All on a subconscious level.

And shit tests girls like to give us? Deal with them in character. Misinterpret them as her hitting on you. ‘You’re so cute. You’re so into me.’ She laughs. Shit-tests handled.

Awesome, awesome, awesome.

STEP THREE. Push her away… yet be slightly interested.

Now, ever noticed how all chick flicks start off with the two leads not getting along in the beginning? Then their “chemistry” blossoms into “love”?

That’s the idea behind “pushing her away.” Pretend you and her are two leads in a rom-com who don’t get along at first.

This “not getting along” was a revelation to me. Because it meant NOT being all perfect and polite and kissing her ass. Which creates zero chemistry. And comes off as fake and stilted.

Pushing her away feels more honest. And it leaves this empty space between you and her. That empty space is like a gravitational pull that’ll draw her to you.

It’s the law of opposites. Step forward, she steps back. Step back, she steps forward.

In other words, when you step back, it creates a want in her. ‘Cause that’s what wanting is. Isn’t wanting NOT having? When you don’t have, don’t you feel tension because you don’t have it? And as soon as you get it, doesn’t the want and the tension go away?

Wow, that was a lot of questions in one paragraph.

My point is, if you step back… as if she’s trying to get into your pants… as if you’re playing tug-o-war… as if you’re playing tag: ‘Catch me if you can!’… you’ll make her want, well, YOU!

Besides, hide-and-seek is fuuuun! Infants play it, kids play it. Hell, puppies play it. That’s all ‘The Game’ is. Hiding in order to entice her to seek.

Without conflict, things are flat, dull, lifeless. Conflict breathes life into things. Whether movies, music, interactions with women.

What is conflict? It’s the collision between desire and resistance. Play-fighting assumes a girl wants you. She desires you. You resist. Viola! Conflict.

It’s PLAYFUL conflict ‘cause everyone knows it’s not real. Usually her role’s to resist and reject. Especially if she’s super-hot and gets hit on constantly.

You can also apply play-fighting to text-messaging. Instead of having a factual back-and-forth with her, “So how was your day?”

Boooooring. Play-fight! “Stop thinking about me” or “Hello beautiful (20 seconds later) “Oops, texted the wrong chick,” or “Tough love is all you get.” Much better.

You can apply it in sex, too. Go towards her “promised land,” but take a detour at the last minute. Builds anticipation. Which turns on her mind. Turn on her mind and her panties will follow.

You can even apply this to relationship-maintenance. The moment you stop play-fighting with your girl and generating playful conflict is the moment the relationship’s heading south. Believe me. I speak from experience.

Okay, enough of the talk. Let me give you some lines and guidelines so you can try out play-fighting TODAY.

THE HOW:

Three rules to follow:

RULE ONE: Play-fight within two sentences.

When approaching a girl for the first time, play-fight within the first two sentences out of your mouth. Also known as the “Second Sentence Rule.”

RULE TWO: Play-fight with your target.

Play-fight with your target to create sexual tension with her. But never ignore her friends. Be nice to them, but no need to create sexual tension with them. To everyone else it looks like “you’re not getting along.” But secretly with your target the two of you feel chemistry. Nice.

RULE THREE: Limit play-fighting to three exchanges.

Keep it to three back-and-forth exchanges. After three exchanges, shift over to establishing some substance, meaning build a connection with her. Otherwise, you might become like a dancing monkey. Yawn.

Okay, here’s how to practice the lines I’m about to give you.

THE WHAT NOW:

FIRST: Pick ONE line.

Pick your favorite line below. Just one. Too many lines swimming in your head causes analysis-paralysis.

TWO: Memorize it.

Memorize the line by saying it to yourself five times.

THREE: Practice it.

Say the line five times in the mirror. This is to get your delivery right and to make sure you ACT out the character. It might feel strange at first. Trust me, it’ll pay off BIG TIME. The humor is in the character.

FOUR: Deliver it.

Try the line on five different women. Cashiers, baristas, sales clerks, female friends. And if you’re feeling brave, try it on girls on the street.

Now, if you try it on a girl on the street, you can open with: “Hey you guys look cool, just wanted to see what you were like.” Then deliver your line. Finally, end with: “Pleasure meeting you.”

If a conversation happens, keep going. You could ask: “How do you guys know each other?” Then follow up with “I wonder which one is the black sheep.”

Don’t worry about getting a phone number yet. Just practice the skill of play-fighting.

The practice’ll change your game, even your life… like it did for me.

Let me pay homage to the guys I learned this skill from: David DeAngelo, Lance Mason, and Mystery. Brad P uses the same skill to create instant attraction, too.

Anyway, that’s THE way to attract women instantly.

The best thing about it is it’ll give you this incredible social freedom and fill you with the positive energy and the CONFIDENCE that attract women naturally.

I can’t wait for you to see how well it works.

Now, go out and kill it.

CLASSIC PLAY-FIGHTING LINES

REVIEW

STEP ONE: Chose a high-status character.

Authority, Valley Girl, or Selector.

STEP TWO: Act it out.

Acting it out will make it absurd and funny. Even if the lines aren’t that funny.

STEP THREE: Make-believe she wants you and she’s chasing you.

Even if she’s not. Then resist her.

NOTE on the Approach, or “A1.”

Wait, what’s “A1”? A1, A2, and A3 are terms that come from the Mystery Method. “A” stands for “Attract.” 1, 2, 3 refer to the beginning, middle, and ending of the “attract” phase.

A1, guy opens. A2, guy attracts girl (i.e. he play-fights and gives value). A3, girl works to attract him (i.e. he qualifies, then expresses interest in her).

After you attract (the attract phase lasts a few minutes), the second phase is “Comfort” where you make a connection. That’s a longer phase. Lasts between four to ten hours, seven on average.

“Seduction” is the final stage where that emotional connection translates into a physical one. The key to that translation is touch and physical escalation. How do you physically escalate? By already having been touching, even in Comfort.

We didn’t have enough space to get into all that, but again, check out my book “Mystery of Women” for the whole shebang. I go into more detail there.

Also, “How To Pick Up Chicks in Five Simple Steps” zones in on the attract phase and shows you how to transition into comfort. That’s a great next step after you practice the stuff in this letter.

Okay, so practice play-fighting. Soon you’ll learn the “language” and make up your own stuff.

Oh and by the way, feel free to print this letter out for easy reference of the lines.

Now for the CLASSIC PLAY-FIGHTING LINES AND THEIR CHARACTERS

::: A1. OPENING :::

I know I sound like a broken record, but pick just ONE line. I also included Brad P’s “Horse Girl” routine as an opener too. It’s a great play-fighting routine. Learning it counts as “one line.” Anyway, master one before learning another.

1. SELECTOR:

“Wait, you’re Republican aren’t you.”

“You guys are trouble. I can already tell.”

“Don’t look at me like that. You’ll get hypnotized and start thinking naughty thoughts.”

“She looks sweet and innocent, but something tells me she’s not.”

“It’s okay. I’m just a sexy man.”

“I used to be too modest. But I worked at it and now I’m perfect.”

“Note to self: Do NOT date this girl.”

“Don’t even try hitting on me. I’ve got my eye on you.”

“I can already tell, you and I are NOT gonna get along. So, don’t even try hitting on me.”

Brad P’s “Horse Girl” Opener:

(Full credit goes to Brad P for this genius opener.)

YOU: “I have to ask. Do you like horses?”

HER: “Yes…?”

YOU: “I thought so. Okay, check this out. When I was in the third grade there was this girl, and she loved horses. She loved them more than anything. She used to draw horses all over her binder, she’d be making horse noises, she’d be running around the schoolyard galloping. We used to call her ‘The Weird Horse Girl.’”

HER: “So why are you telling me this?”

YOU: “Well, you look JUST like her!”

HER: “Well, it’s not me.”

YOU: “You know what? I’m 90% sure it’s not you, but if it was me, I wouldn’t admit it either. So, just in case it’s you—and I’m not saying it’s definitely you—but just in case it’s you and you don’t want to admit it, I just want to say I’m sorry.”

HER: “Sorry for what?”

YOU: “Sorry for all the times I used to make fun of you. See, back in school I was one of the cool kids and I was a bit of a bully and I used to make fun of the The Weird Horse Girl. NOW, I feel so bad. I feel so guilty. I’ve been going to therapy and my therapist says I should find this girl and right all the wrongs of my past, so I just want to say I’m sorry and see if you’d EVER forgive me.”

HER: “Yes.”

YOU: (Hugging her) “Oh my God you are so cool! I can’t believe you turned out to be cute and cool. This is like the craziest thing!”

From here you can break character, introduce yourself, ask about her, and build a connection with her.

Brad P’s “Last Night’s Lay” Opener:

(Again, full credit goes to Brad P for this other genius opener.)

YOU: “You look familiar. Have we had sex? Oh my God! Yes, it’s you! It’s so good to see you!”

HER: “Huh?”

YOU: “Hey, listen, sorry I haven’t called. Been kind of busy. My, um, phone, um, stopped, um, working and my tire got a flat, and my dog ate my homework. But tell your friend I said hi and that she was great too.”

HER: “It wasn’t me.”

YOU: “It wasn’t you? I could have sworn it was you. You look just like this girl I had sex with last week—actually I can’t quite remember what she looks like, I was kind of drunk…No, I’m pretty sure it was you.”

Lance Mason’s “Back Pocket Opener”:

(Credit goes to Lance Mason. It’s called “back pocket” because you can use it in case you draw a blank as to what to say to open.)

“Hey do you have the time? Actually I just wanted to flirt with you. Is that bad?”

“You looked kinda cool, so I had to say hi.”

2. VALLEY GIRL:

“Quit looking at my chest! My eyes are up here. I swear all you girls do is think about one thing.”

3. AUTHORITY FIGURE (FATHER)

“I don’t know who your boyfriend is, but he is NOT spanking you enough. (Don’t look at me. I’m not doing the spanking. I’m just saying you need one.)”A2. You Attract Her

::: A2. DHV :::

While sharing who you are with the group, you can use ONE of these lines here to tease your target.

1. AUTHORITY FIGURE

A. Teacher

“You’ve just earned yourself detention. Go to the Principal’s Office!”

B. Employer

“You’re fired!”

“You’re hired. I’m making you my new assistant.”

“You’re off the island!”

C. Police Officer

“I’m giving you a ticket.”

D. Father

“Bad Girl! Go to my room.”

“I think someone needs a time-out.”

“No more love for you. Tough love is all you get from here on out.”

2. VALLEY GIRL

“You’re looking at me like I’m an ice cream cone and it’s creeping me out. I’m not just a piece of meat. I have feelings. I’m a feelings man.”

“I wore my old briefs tonight to make sure nothing happened.”

“Why are girls always so logical? Why can’t they just feel and be in the moment?”

“You’re my new BFF! Best Friends Forever!”

“Uh, whatever.”

“You would.”

“I’m putting you in my friend’s zone.”

3. SELECTOR

A. I’m Screening You

“That’s it, I’m going to talk to those more interesting girls over there.”

“You’re bad. You’re making me think impure thoughts.”

“I think I need permission to talk with you.”

B. Plain Cocky

“No autographs please.”

C. You’re Not My Type

“Too bad you’re not my type.”

“(look her up and down) You can’t have me.”

D. Name Calling

“You’re such a brat.”

“You’re such a dork.”

“You hang out at the library, don’t you.” (works best if she looks like she doesn’t hang out at the library.)

“So, how long have you been a crack head?”

“You would look so cute… with a mowhawk!”

“Check this girl out. She’s amazing, and so bright and funny. Would you believe she’s never had a date?”

E. Oh Yeah? Wanna Fight?

“You think you can take me? Let’s take this outside.”

F. We’re Breaking Up!

“I’m sorry this had to come out here tonight, but it’s over between us.
That’s it. I’m demoting you to my Tuesday girlfriend. But if you work hard enough you can become my Friday girlfriend. That’s where the real fun happens.”

“I’m breaking up with you. You keep the cat. I’ll keep the CDs.”

::: CONTINGENCIES :::

In case you come against any shit-tests, you can use these play-fighting lines to deal with them.

A. Contingencies: If She Touches You

1. SELECTOR

(No Authority Figure or Valley Girl Characters here)

“Did you just go for a feelsky?”

“Hey, hey, hey. Hands off the merchandise. This shit ain’t for free. That’ll be forty dollars, missie.”

“Stop, don’t touch me. I don’t even know you.”

“Lady I’m not going to make out with you! I have a girlfriend! Jeez.”

You: “Will you PLEASE stop touching me?
(She: Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know I was touching you.)
You: “Well you did. And if you’re going to keep doing it, I’d appreciate it if you’d touch a little lower.”
(She: Touchy touchy)
You: “Yes, I don’t like being touched. So keep a foot or so between us please.” *Smile* (Credit: David DeAngelo, Double Your Dating)

“So, this is the part where you grab my ass.”

B. Contingences: Shit-Tests

1. SELECTOR

(No Authority Figure or Valley Girl Characters here)

“Man, you can dress her up but you can’t take her anywhere.”

“How do you roll with this girl? Is she always like this?”

“You’ve gotta get her out of the library more.”

“Did you forget to take your medication today?”

“Where’s your fun switch?”

“Is she always like this?”

“How do you guys roll with her?”

“You’re so cute. You’re so into me.”

“Oh I get it. You probably act like this all the time and probably get away with it too, but I don’t buy it. You probably act like a bitch and convince people you’re a bitch because so many dorks hit on you. But I bet you’re actually a really nice person. I bet you’re really loyal, and you really care about your friends and family, you go out of your way for them. You’re like a piece of hard candy that’s rock hard on the outside, but at the center is soft and sweet.” (credit: Brad P)

::: A3. After She Attracts You, State Your Interest In Her :::

After you share yourself, ask about her so she can share herself. These play-fighting lines can make her feel liked for legitimate reasons… and in a humorous way.

SELECTOR

(No Authority Figure or Valley Girl Characters here)

“That’s it. I’m making you my new girlfriend. Wait. Can you cook?”

“Oh my God you are so CUTE! I’m going to take you home in my little pocket and ask my roommates if I can keep you. Wait. Are you housebroken?”

“That’s it, we’re getting married. We’re gonna fly to Vegas tomorrow and get married… by a midget Elvis. You’ll be Catwoman, and I’ll be Batman. It’ll be awesome.”

“You know what I wanna do with you? I want us to go to the beach together. You’d wear a nun’s outfit and I’d wear a priest’s outfit and we’d hold hands and make out in front of everybody. And everybody would be like, ‘what the fuck?’ It’d be awesome.”

“That’s it. I’m in love with you. Now what?”

“You’re way too sexy. Get out of here. No really… go!”

MY STORY

A few years ago, I joined Mystery’s Venusian Arts as a coach-in-training. To get accepted as a coach, I had to approach and attract women in front of Mystery. I had a year to get my act together, and I wasn’t ready.

Frightened?

Um, just a smidge. But man, is fear a motivator.

I went out four times a week and made ten to twenty approaches each time. I did this for about eight months. Tracked my approaches and journaled what was working and what wasn’t.

I failed more times than I’d like to admit. There were a few times I just wanted to give up. But I kept at it. And I’m so glad I did.

The turning point was when I learned what I just shared with you here. Play-fighting. Everything changed for the better when I learned this skill.

After that, things got easier with women. My success-rate in approaching went through the roof because play-fighting broke the ice. It helped me gain more confidence. I was able to handle shit-tests. I created sexual tension with women I once thought were out of my league.

Soon I was having crazy adventures, threesomes, foursomes, dating multiple women at the same time (in an honest way), and eventually getting into the most successful long-term relationship I’ve had with an incredible woman.

But better than all that external success was the confidence I gained.

I learned how to be funnier, speak with better body language, dress better, have more interesting conversations. And I no longer felt nervous around women. I didn’t think of myself as lesser. I learned that I was the prize. That attitude in and of itself is the cologne that attracts women.

Now I know I can go out anytime, anywhere and attract women I’m attracted to. On purpose.

But learning this play-fighting skill was just the beginning. I had also figured out a cool way to approach any woman that translated into a solid number close consistently.

I’ve written an awesome ebook revealing EXACTLY how to do it. It’s the “How To Pick Up Chicks In Five Simple Steps” I mentioned earlier. After you read it, YOU’LL be closing any woman you want, too. Emphasis is on practice, although there’s theory too. You can download it and be reading it NOW if you’d like.

It’s jam-packed with more lines. You’ll get a structure you can plug the lines into. There are specifics on body language. There’s a kiss close and a number close. I drew illustrations of the body language. I give you a practice plan. And I even wrote out an entire example so you can see the approach in action.

The ebook focuses on attracting women you’ve just met and how to transition that into building comfort, or long-lasting attraction.

It’s inexpensive and, again, you can download your copy (link coming soon). After you get the play-fighting skill down, this book’ll help you take the next step.

As for that comprehensive book I mentioned earlier, “The Mystery of Women,” it’s coming later this year (2015), by winter. It’s the most complete education product for turbo-charging your success with women in the world.

In the meantime, practice play-fighting. As you now know, it’s THE key to attracting women instantly.

Thanks again for signing up for this newsletter. I look forward to talking with you again soon.

Yours truly,
Renaissan

 

Products

Learn from my INFIELD blood and tears that helped me become successful with women.

high-maintenance

This catalog includes EVERYTHING I’ve learned about how to become successful with women–there’s stuff in here NOT on this blog. This stuff is meant to get you RESULTS… so you can transform and move on to serve your life’s deepest purpose.

  • “How to Pick Up Chicks” ebook is a PRACTICAL place to start that shows you how to open and build comfort with any woman. Available NOW.
  • My Routines Collection” is also a PRACTICAL place to start that gets results RIGHT AWAY. That will be available by 12/31/16
  • The “Mystery of Woman” program is an ENCYCLOPEDIA that includes inner-game, pickup, sex skills, relationship maintenance, and advanced game. I’ve been working on this for the past five years. I’ve set it up like a circulum. I’ll release this in installments starting 12/31/16.
  • The “Videos” include both analysis and INFIELD EXAMPLES for you to model. This will come out in 2017. The “Tools” include things like a deck of banter-line cards that will help you get the language of attraction down in the quiet of your home. That will come out in 2017 too.

Each program has a RISK FREE Trial. If you don’t see results after 30 days, say the word at whetyourwomanhelpdesk@gmail.com, and you can get a FULL refund.

I. FROM MEET TO COMFORT

How to Pick Up Chicks in Five Simple Steps” ebook. 74 pages. (Click to learn more)

approaching People-at-bar

My Routines Collection ebook. aprx. 300 pages. Coming in 2016.

Importance and Connection kind-of-a-big-deal

You’ll get routines that will help you to:

  • Attract, build comfort, and seduce the woman of your dreams.
  • Make the sex hot.
  • Date multiple women.
  • Get Same Day Lays, Threesomes, Club Girls, Strippers, and Hired Guns.
  • Breakup effectively.
  • Fill out a Stack Sheet, Know how to Practice, Learn how to create your own routines.
  • Strengthen Inner-Game before practicing these routines.

II. THE ENCYCLOPEDIA

The Mystery of Womanwill be released in 15 installments starting in 12/31/16. Each ebook will be aprx. 150 pages each. Once the installments are done, you can still purchase it in parts to address whichever need you have or in WHOLE.

Understanding Women Book

The basic idea is to be successful with women, you just need 3 skills: Masculinity, Playful Challenge, and Appreciation.

Book 1 introduces the 3 skills. It’s the big picture. There are 3 installments, including my story of how I learned this stuff.

Book 2 digs into each skill one by one. In the process, we’ll talk about things like:

  • body language
  • fashion
  • kino
  • conversation skills
  • humor
  • being a challenge
  • the art of giving compliments
  • the psychological skills of sex
  • confidence

That’ll all be done within a story. There are 5 installments. The reason is, the first skill, Masculinity, is so important it takes 3 installments.

In Book 3, we’ll apply the 3 skills from meeting a woman to having a sexual relationship with her. We’ll talk about:

  • opening
  • attracting
  • Day 2’s
  • inviting her back to your place
  • pleasing her in bed
  • dating multiple women
  • breaking up effectively
  • how to maintain a long-term relationship

There are 4 installments here. Attraction, Comfort, and Seduction each have their own installments. Dating Multiple Women and Long-Term Relationships are in one installment called “Relationships.”

In Book 4, we’ll apply the 3 skills to Advanced Game, including

  • Day Game
  • Same Day Lays
  • Club Game
  • Having a Threesome
  • Meeting Hired Guns like Strippers

There are 3 installments here. Day Game, Same Day Lays, and Club Game are in one installment. Threesomes and Hired Guns get their own installments.

In Book 5, you’ll get an 18-month Practice Plan. This will take your hand and guide you day-by-day in how to practice and master these 3 skills. The goal is to get you results, so you can change your life, and move on from pickup to serve your life’s deepest purpose.

Here are the 15 installments. Again, purchase an installment if it might help you with a sticking point:

Book 1. Introduction

  • Parts I – III. The Overarching Idea (100 pp)
  • Part IV. Six Essays on Success with Women (132 pp)
  • Part V. The Story Begins (73 pp)

Book 2. The 3 Skills

  • Skill #1 Masculinity, Part I. Psychological Skills of Sex (133 pp)
  • Skill #1 Masculinity, Part II. Confidence (? pp)
  • Skill #1 Masculinity, Part III. Presentation: Body Language, Fashion, Kino, Conversation (138 pp)
  • Skill #2. Playful Challenge (87 pp)
  • Skill #3. Appreciation (164 pp)

Book 3. Application

  • Phase I. Attraction (162 pp)
  • Phase II. Comfort (110 pp)
  • Phase III. Seduction (including Physical Sex Skills) (130 pp)
  • Phase IV. and V. Relationship: Polyphilia and Monogamy (141 pp)

Book 4. Advanced Game

  • Freshman, Sophmore, Junior. Day Game, Same Day Lay, Club Game (78 pp)
  • Senior. Threesomes (250 pp)
  • Grad School. Strippers and Hired Guns (158 pp)

Book 5. 18-Month Practice Plan (? pp)

III. VIDEOS

tumblr_m9dalnmFTC1qzlro6o1_400

Coming in 2017.

IV. PICKUP TOOLS

tumblr_m77euzMA6S1qzlro6o1_1280

Coming in 2017.

 

The Renaissance Man

vitruvian woman couple_by_godstaff-d3hocbf
WARNING:

This isn’t about techniques, but inner-game. It’s about developing the Renaissance Man within. It’s a longer post, but I promise this idea will be worth it.

‘Cause you could have all the game in the world, but if you’ve got nothing to back it up, you’re gonna come off as shallow, having no substance… hello turn-off.

Yes, cultivating the Renaissance Man within isn’t exactly “active” game. But your SUB-COMMUNICATION will be waaaay better. You know, what you “say” in between the lines. The tiny unthinking, subconscious things you say and do, like body language, your reservoir of stories and conversation topics, confidence.

Oh hell yeah, confidence. I’d say a guy becomes a man of high-value FOR REAL by cultivating his inner Renaissance Man. I mean, he’s realizing his potential, choosing the “high” road over and over, how could he not? That’s a HUGE source of confidence.

Then of course there’s the fact that as a Renaissance Man you keep your woman attracted in the long-term, rather than merely attracting her in the short-term.

Actually, I’d say that’s the biggest benefit of becoming a Renaissance Man. Better than helping you “get” women, it’s good in itself. It’s good in itself to become a more excellent, well-rounded man.

So I know this post isn’t exactly how to “game” women. But without a solid foundation to build a house on, the house’ll crumble no matter how pretty it looks from the outside.

Shit, I love what I’m about to share with you. This idea inspires me to no end. I mean I named my pen-name after the idea for God’s sakes. I hope it’ll inspire you, too.

Okay, here’s the basic idea behind this post: let’s not let the ideal of the Renaissance Man die.

Every guy’s got a Renaissance Man inside them.

You’ve got one, I’ve got one. So why not let that beast out to play? Especially since it’ll make us into naturally attractive guys.

Emphasis on “naturally.”

I mean, look, learning how to pickup chicks and how to cold-approach and how to attract women kicks ass. I love it. Shit-load of fun. And not to mention, all-important skill that can apply to life outside of pickup.

But it’s ONE skill. There’re others. So, if we only focus on that one skill, don’t you think that kinda limits us? Stunts us from becoming all that we could be?

Like, what if our life became about picking up women and nothing else? Then what? What would our conversations be like? What would our relationships be like? How interesting would we be as human beings?

Whoa, that was a lot of questions. But here’s my point.

Yes. Having no life outside of pickup stunts our full potential as human beings.

But a man who also spends time building a life outside of women becomes a fuller human being. You’ll be like: Screw needing women to validate me. Or having to wear a “pickup” mask. Or fearing there’s nothing behind my pickup mask.

You’ll be the man who’s a “10” on the inside. That kind of guy attracts “10’s,” and KEEPS ’em keep coming back for more… ‘Cause he’s a “10” himself.

How cool is that?

Now, what better way to cultivate a life outside of pickup and become that “10” than cultivating ALL our gifts? Than becoming a Renaissance Man?

Okay, okay, okay. I get your point already. What the hell IS a Renaissance Man anyway?

Great question.

According Baldessare Castiglione…

18

Baldessare Castiglione (1478 – 1529) Italian courtier, diplomat, soldier, writer. He was famous defining what the Renaissance Man is in his book “The Courtier.”

 

in his book, “Courtier” every Renaissance Man has six characteristics in common. He’s a:

1. Gentleman:

He’s got social intelligence (and perhaps seduction skills…)

2. Citizen:

He CONTRIBUTES to (and participates in) society.

3. Scholar:

He explores existence, learns, grows in awareness.

4. Artist:

He’s got a craft in something and does it with care, imagination, creativity, even play.

5. Warrior:

He takes care of his body and health, he’s strong and assertive, he’s equanimous and honest.

6. Christian:

Castiglione was writing during the Renaissance when everyone was a Christian. Doesn’t mean you have to be a Christian per se, but to have some kind of spiritual life. In other words, a Renaissance Man does things for “the greater glory of God and the salvation of man” (the Jesuit motto). Put another way, he works to puts aside ego to love.

My favorite part?

ALL of us have the ability to be this. It’s not a few are born to be Renaissance Men. Being a Renaissance Man is the lot of being human. It IS being a human being. A FULL human being.

But unfortunately, our culture tends to specialize. So it seems strange that you could be a nerd AND a jock. Or an artist AND a scientist. Or a Christian AND a warrior. It’s like in our culture we think “you’ve got to be one or the other.”

Not according to this ideal.

According to the Renaissance Man ideal, we can do it all. And there are plenty of people that have proved it’s possible.

Check out some of these examples so you KNOW it’s possible for you:

Dolph Lungren:

dolphlundgren__120725163126-275x412

black belt, weight-lifter. He speaks Swedish, English, German, French, Italian, Spanish. Studied chemical engineering, and economics. Professional actor (see ‘Rocky IV’), founding member of a New York theater company and a production company, he’s directed six films, and apparently can sing.

Viggo Mortensen:

Viggo Mortensen

Actor (see Lord of the Rings), singer, composer, professional photographer and abstract painter–whose work gets featured in actual art galleries. A poet and a general badass.

Noam Chomsky:

Noam Chomsky

Philosopher and cognitive scientist. His work has influenced psychology, and he literally invented modern linguistics.

Douglas Hofstadter:

Douglas Hofstadter photo

professor of cognitive science, artist, calligrapher, composer, programmer, and physicist. He’s also fluent in three languages, and he’s studied eight others.

Ben Franklin:

Ben Franklin

SCHOLAR – Made important discoveries in electricity, invented the “Franklin Stove,” discovered three methods of cooling, introduced several crops to the U.S., invented bifocal glasses, studied several languages, designed a phonetic alphabet, mapped the Gulf Stream and Routes for the post office, traveled extensively in U.S. and Europe, involved in founding of two colleges (University of Pennsylvania and Columbia University).

CITIZEN – Founded first U.S. Hospital, first circulating library, first fire department, first police department, first insurance company, founded street lighting, paving and cleaning, started American Philosophical Society, started Society to Abolish Slavery, started “Leather Apron Club” Union, first postmaster, originated matching contributions idea, crafted well-known maxims on thrift, business-owner, “Patron Saint of Printing,” held government positions such as governor, Ambassador to England, Minister to France, helped found the United States, Philanthropist, organized fund raising and contributed to many worthwhile causes.

GENTLEMAN – Known to be a ladies’ man, known for his great sense of humor, known for his diplomacy and social skills.

ARTIST – Wrote for several early newspapers, considered U.S.’s first writer of humor, drew first cartoon in an American newspaper, founded “Poors Richard’s Almanack,” invented musical instrument – glass armonica, designed “sea anchors”

RELIGION – Introduced idea of prayer in Congress

WARRIOR – Colonel in Militia

Leonardo da Vinci:

da-vinci-profile

artist, architect, inventor, scientist, poet, amateur musician.

Socrates:

socrates

was said to demonstrate the most courage on the battlefield during the Peloponnesian War, one of history’s greatest philosophers, humble stone mason/sculptor, active citizen in Athenian democracy, known for his gentlemanly sense of ethics, duty, sense of humor, wit, social skills.

“But hold on,” I hear someone saying. “If I follow this Renaissance Man ideal, won’t I just become a jack-of-all-trades but master of none?”

Here’s what I think we can learn from the examples above.

Yes, each of these Renaissance Men often had a focus. For example, Da Vinci focused on painting. Socrates focused on philosophy. Franklin seemed to focus on being a citizen. But that didn’t mean they couldn’t also be poets, musicians, scholars, and so forth as well.

To think otherwise is limited thinking. It’s to defeat one’s self before even beginning.

In fact, when I say “Renaissance Man,” I don’t mean just being multi-talented. I mean being a COMPLETE human being:

Being a scholar (learning and developing), a citizen (contributing and participating), a gentleman (social skills), a warrior (healthy body and assertiveness skills), an artist (using a skill that helps us imagine) and “Christian” or spiritual person (serving a higher power and living an ethical life) are just different facets of being human.

In fact, Plato had this PHENOMENAL idea that “education is recollection.”

We’re NOT born blank slates. We DON’T begin life knowing nothing. It’s NOT that a teacher fills us with knowledge.

Rather, we’re born with the answers within from birth. It’s just the teacher’s job to help us remember. According to Plato, we can learn math because we already have the ability to learn mathematics within.

If that’s true, you can take that a step further.

The reason ANY of us can learn music, art, science, ethics, or whatever, is because we already have the capacity to do it. We just have to remove the plank from our eyes and remember how. The Renaissance Man is within all of us. It’s prewired within us already. It’s what it means to be human.

That’s how I understand the Renaissance Man. Developing the WHOLE human person, not just a part.

I hope we haven’t become so specialized as a culture that we think this is impossible. If so, we’re in danger of creating a self-fulfilling prophesy where we’d be walking around as one-dimensional men.

To show specialization is not the only way of thinking, look at the ancient Greeks. They were the ones behind this Renaissance Man ideal after all. In fact, historians named the Renaissance era with the French word for “rebirth” because this was the age where persons were rediscovering the Greeks and their value of plural excellence. Rebirth of the Greek ideal.

This ideal wasn’t a big issue for the ancient Greeks as it is for us moderns.

Few Greek were specialists (like us). Instead, they were about plural excellence. That’s why so many Greeks were naturally Renaissance Men.

Plato was a poet, a budding politician, a philosopher, and a star wrestler (Aristolces is Plato’s real name; Plato was his wrestling nickname… Plato meant “broad” in Greek… because Plato had such broad shoulders. We know Plato by his wrestling nickname. Isn’t that awesome?).

Aeschylus, the “father of tragedy,” was a great poet and playwright but if you look on his gravestone, his inscription makes no mention of his plays, only his military achievements. He had fought in both Persians Wars and identified more with his honors as a warrior. But he was also an active citizen, gentleman, and a member of the Eleusinian cult.

Thales, the first philosopher in Greek philosophy, was a mathematician, an engineer, a scientist, a philosopher, an entrepreneur, a citizen who attempted to federate the twelve city-states on the coast of Turkey to fight against the Persians.

To be a Renaissance Man in ancient Greece was not an anomaly. It was expected. All men strove for plural excellence, NOT for specialization.

Why was this ideal not a big issue for the ancient Greeks?

Here’s my theory at least. Maybe they thought plural excellence IS what it means to be human.

We know how much the Greeks exalted humanity, what humanists they were. Perhaps what they recognized and loved in humanity was its universality.

Universality? Huh?

The Greek myth about Prometheus explains what this “universality” is.

prometheus-21

Prometheus. His myth hints at why the Greeks thought EVERY person has the Renaissance Man within them.

Check out the myth. I think you’re gonna like this…

First, backstory: Prometheus was a Titan who lived before the gods were even born. In fact, Zeus and the rest of the gods had to battle the Titans in order to rule Mount Olympus. Prometheus was one of the few Titans that had helped the gods beat the Titans.

His name meant “foresight.” He had a brother named Epimetheus and it meant “after-sight.” In other words, Prometheus was the one who thought before acting, Epimetheus acted before thinking.

Okay, here’s the story: Prometheus and Epimetheus were given the task of repopulating the earth after the gods beat the titans. The gods gave the two brothers gifts to hand out to all the beasts. Prometheus crafted an animal called “Man” with great care. He even modeled them after the gods.

But Epimethus made all sorts of animals rapidly without thinking. And he gave away all the good gifts to them. So animals could run fast, see, smell, hear better, and had more endurance than Man. Plus they had coats of fur that kept them warm in the cold nights.

Man had no gifts and no ability to survive in the wild.

Prometheus took pity on man. Of course he did. Man was his special creation. So this is what he did. He asked Zeus to have some of the sacred fire to help them out.

Zeus said, “Hell, no. The fire belongs to the gods alone!”

Prometheus couldn’t bear to see Man suffer so he decided to steal some of the fire anyway. He carried it down to earth.

prometheus-fire

Prometheus stealing some of the fire from the gods for the sake of humanity.

And thank God. ‘Cause the fire kept Man warm in the night. It also kept away other beasts so they wouldn’t attack.

Even better, a strange thing happened.

Man would watch the smoke spiral upward. Their eyes lifted from the ground up the the heavens. They began to wonder, think, become more aware, and they built temples to honor the gods.

Still, when Zeus found out about Prometheus’s thievery, he punished him… SEVERELY.

He chained Prometheus to a rock with unbreakable irons, and each day an eagle would eat out his liver. At night his immortal liver grew back again. But every day the eagle returned to make him suffer again.

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Prometheus getting punished for his transgression. He was chained to a rock and an eagle would eat out his guts during the day. His guts would heal during the night. The eagle would eat out his guts again the next day.

They say it was Hercules who finally rescued Prometheus, but that’s a whole other story.

The point is, humans didn’t have a special gift like other animals. Their gift was fire, awareness, and their ability to transcend their “one-giftedness” that the other animals were limited to.

Jean-Paul Sartre made a similar point.

 Jean-Paul Sartre (1905 - 1980) twentieth century existentialist philosopher from France.

Jean-Paul Sartre (1905 – 1980) twentieth century existentialist philosopher from France.

In his essay, “Existentialism Is A Humanism” he argued that what makes humans unique is we’re NOT bound by an “essence.” We exist first. We have this incredible freedom to create our own essence.

I like the way a Renaissance philosopher put it. Giovanni Pico Della Mirandela…

pico_dm_cdella-bar

Giovanni Pico Mirandola (1463 – 1494), Italian philosopher from the Renaissance. The same insight in the Prometheus myth can be found in his “Oration on the Dignity of Man.” That book has been called the “Manifesto of the Renaissance.”

…in his “Oration on the Dignity of Man” drew out the lessons of the Prometheus myth in this way (by the way, I know this is a long quote, so feel free to skip it, but let me tell you how WORTH it is to check it out):

“Man is the most fortunate of living things and deserving of all admiration…he’s not of the brutes alone, but also of the astral beings… Hear what this condition of man is… The Great Artificer still longed for some creature which might comprehend the meaning of so vast an achievement, which might be moved with love at its beauty and smitten with awe at its grandeur. He brought forth man.

“But there remained no archetype according to which He might fashion a new offspring… All space was already filled; all things had been distributed in the highest, the middle and the lowest orders… At last, the Supreme Maker decreed that this creature… (man has) nothing wholly his own, (but has) a share in the particular endowment of every other creature. Taking… this creature of indeterminate image, He set him in the middle of the world and thus spoke to him:

“We have given you no visage proper to yourself, nor any endowment properly your own… (but) whatever place, whatever form, whatever gifts you… select, these same you may have… The nature of all other creatures is defined and restricted… you, by contrast, aren’t impeded by restrictions… by your own free will… you, trace for yourself the lineaments of your own nature. I have placed you at the very center of the world, so that from that vantage point you may with greater ease glance round about you on all that the world contains. We have made you a creature neither of heaven nor of earth, neither mortal nor immortal, in order that you may, as the free and proud shaper of your own being, fashion yourself in the form you may prefer. It will be in your power descend to the lower, brutish forms of life… (or) to rise again to the… divine.”

“To have what (man) chooses, to be what he wills to be! The brutes from the moment of their birth bring with them all that they will ever possess. The highest spiritual beings were from the very moment of creation… (are) fixed in the mode of being. But upon man… God bestowed seeds pregnant with all possibilities the germs of every form of life. Whichever of these a man shall cultivate, the same will mature and bear fruit in him. If vegetative, he will become a plant. If sensual he will become brutish. If rational, he will reveal himself a heavenly being. If intellectual he will be an angel and the son of God. And if dissatisfied with the lot of all creatures, he should recollect himself into the center of his own unity… become one spirit with God, in the solitary darkness of the Father Who is set above all things, himself transcend all creatures.

“Who will not look with awe upon this our chameleon? …If you see a man dedicated to his stomach, crawling on the ground, you see a plant, not a man. If you see a man bedazzled by the empty forms of the imagination… and made a slave to his own senses, you see a brute, not a man. If, however, you see a philosopher, judging… (from) the rule of reason… he is a creature of heaven and not of earth. If… a pure contemplator… wholly withdrawn into the inner chambers of the mind, here is neither creature of earth nor heavenly creature, but some higher divinity clothed with human flesh.

“Who will not look with wonder upon man… (who) is designated sometimes … by the term “every creature” because he models, fashions, transforms himself into the likened of all flesh and assumes the characteristic power of every form of life?

“But what is the purpose of all this? That we may understand… we have been born into this condition of being what we choose to be–that we ought to be sure above else that… we appreciate it… we may… not pervert this free option. We(‘re) impatient with mediocrity (and) pant after the highest things. Let us emulate the kind of life life they lead. For if we lead this kind of life, we shall attain their same estate. If we burn with love for the Creator only… (we) transform into… a heavenly being.”

Humans have the ability to be anything we want. We’re both brute and angel. We’re not fixed, we’re “every creature,” we’re universal. The choice is ours what we make ourselves into: to transcend our brutishness or to cultivate our more universal “God” nature.

It’s that universality that’s at the heart of the Renaissance Man.

Marx the same insight, too.

marx

Karl Marx (1818 – 1883) German philosopher who worked in England. Much of his philosophy was a critique of capitalism (rather than about communism).

He thought the essence of humanity was the creative act, to be universal men. But unfortunately, he observed most of humans are stuck working 9-5 jobs, getting minimum wage, and not fulfilling his humanity. That’s why he was so passionate about healing the contradictions and injustices inherent in the capitalist system.

Again, whole other story.

My point is: it’s that universality the Greeks loved so much about our humanity. It seems like for them, it was expected to cultivate this universality within us, ’cause it’s what it means to be a well-functioning human.

THAT’S what it means to a Renaissance Man.

Awesome right? See why this ideal inspires me to no end?

Okay, okay. What does all this have to do with pickup?

My point: Pickup focuses on ONE area of the Renaissance Man… the “gentleman.” That’s important, but let’s also develop the other five areas.

For example, how can we also:

  • Contribute to our community? Be a citizen?
  • Be an Artist? Fire our imagination?
  • Be a warrior? Perhaps making our bodies stronger? Becoming more assertive? More courageous to be honest?
  • Be more spiritual? Serve God (or whatever label you prefer to name that which is larger than us)?
  • Exercise our mind? Learn more about philosophy, science, math, history?

Again, what does this have to do with pickup?

I alluded to it at the beginning of this post, but it’s about becoming a more excellent man FOR REAL.

It’s one thing to have tight game on the outside. But if a pua’s sub-communication isn’t there, his game will be like an empty shell. If we build a life FOR REAL that kind of confidence spills over naturally in our sub-communication. Women will feel that inner-strength coming from us.

Also, if you’re building a life FOR REAL, you’ll have a life she’ll want to be part of. And, you’ll naturally have more references to talk with her about once your pickup is done.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s important to get the techniques down. But that’s just the part of the iceberg that peaks up from the surface. Even more important is what’s underneath.

Imagine a girl coming back to your place, and you can play the guitar for her.

Imagine being able to talk poetry, politics, psychology, history, sex, the stars, movies, music… if she’s interested in some or all of those things… with your girl.

Imagine being able to whisper Italian in her ear as you make love to her: “Sei la piu bella donna del mondo” (you are the most beautiful woman in the world).

Imagine being able to sketch her.

Imagine if giving to charity were part of your everyday life anyway. Then when you’re on a date with a woman you help an old lady cross the street. Not to impress her but ’cause it’s who are. You’d attract her without trying. As a byproduct of who you already are.

These are just a few of the surface-level benefits that can help a guy with his success with women by being a Renaissance Man. Call me biased, I just think becoming one helps a guy be naturally attractive to a woman.

But, again, screw being a Renaissance Man for her. Be a Renaissance Man for you. Because it’s good in itself. Because constant growth, constant “rebirth” in becoming a more excellent man is good in itself.

Okay I’m done. I’m stepping off the soapbox now.

All I wanted to say is: let’s master pickup, but let’s also develop our whole person, too. Let’s become an excellent men first and worry about attracting women as an after-thought. Let’s become the “sun” that naturally draws women in, rather than being a “planet” seeking to revolve around her.

Shit, man. Let’s become Renaissance Men.

subliminal-messages-to-attract-women_2

You know what she’s thinking? “Mm-hm, I likes me a Renaissance Man.” Swear to God. 😉

 

 

The Renaissance Man

vitruvian woman couple_by_godstaff-d3hocbf

WARNING:

This isn’t about techniques, but inner-game. It’s about developing the Renaissance Man within. It’s a longer post, but I promise this idea will be worth it.

‘Cause you could have all the game in the world, but if you’ve got nothing to back it up, you’re gonna come off as shallow, having no substance… hello turn-off.

Yes, cultivating the Renaissance Man within isn’t exactly “active” game. But your SUB-COMMUNICATION will be waaaay better. You know, what you “say” in between the lines. The tiny unthinking, subconscious things you say and do, like body language, your reservoir of stories and conversation topics, confidence.

Oh hell yeah, confidence. I’d say a guy becomes a man of high-value FOR REAL by cultivating his inner Renaissance Man. I mean, he’s realizing his potential, choosing the “high” road over and over, how could he not? That’s a HUGE source of confidence.

Then of course there’s the fact that as a Renaissance Man you keep your woman attracted in the long-term, rather than merely attracting her in the short-term.

Actually, I’d say that’s the biggest benefit of becoming a Renaissance Man. Better than helping you “get” women, it’s good in itself. It’s good in itself to become a more excellent, well-rounded man.

So I know this post isn’t exactly how to “game” women. But without a solid foundation to build a house on, the house’ll crumble no matter how pretty it looks from the outside.

Shit, I love what I’m about to share with you. This idea inspires me to no end. I mean I named my pen-name after the idea for God’s sakes. I hope it’ll inspire you, too.

Okay, here’s the basic idea behind this post: let’s not let the ideal of the Renaissance Man die.

Every guy’s got a Renaissance Man inside them.

You’ve got one, I’ve got one. So why not let that beast out to play? Especially since it’ll make us into naturally attractive guys.

Emphasis on “naturally.”

I mean, look, learning how to pickup chicks and how to cold-approach and how to attract women kicks ass. I love it. Shit-load of fun. And not to mention, all-important skill that can apply to life outside of pickup.

But it’s ONE skill. There’re others. So, if we only focus on that one skill, don’t you think that kinda limits us? Stunts us from becoming all that we could be?

Like, what if our life became about picking up women and nothing else? Then what? What would our conversations be like? What would our relationships be like? How interesting would we be as human beings?

Whoa, that was a lot of questions. But here’s my point.

Yes. Having no life outside of pickup stunts our full potential as human beings.

But a man who also spends time building a life outside of women becomes a fuller human being. You’ll be like: Screw needing women to validate me. Or having to wear a “pickup” mask. Or fearing there’s nothing behind my pickup mask.

You’ll be the man who’s a “10” on the inside. That kind of guy attracts “10’s,” and KEEPS ’em keep coming back for more… ‘Cause he’s a “10” himself.

How cool is that?

Now, what better way to cultivate a life outside of pickup and become that “10” than cultivating ALL our gifts? Than becoming a Renaissance Man?

Okay, okay, okay. I get your point already. What the hell IS a Renaissance Man anyway?

Great question.

According Baldessare Castiglione…

18

Baldessare Castiglione (1478 – 1529) Italian courtier, diplomat, soldier, writer. He was famous defining what the Renaissance Man is in his book “The Courtier.”

 

in his book, “Courtier” every Renaissance Man has six characteristics in common. He’s a:

1. Gentleman:

He’s got social intelligence (and perhaps seduction skills…)

2. Citizen:

He CONTRIBUTES to (and participates in) society.

3. Scholar:

He explores existence, learns, grows in awareness.

4. Artist:

He’s got a craft in something and does it with care, imagination, creativity, even play.

5. Warrior:

He takes care of his body and health, he’s strong and assertive, he’s equanimous and honest.

6. Christian:

Castiglione was writing during the Renaissance when everyone was a Christian. Doesn’t mean you have to be a Christian per se, but to have some kind of spiritual life. In other words, a Renaissance Man does things for “the greater glory of God and the salvation of man” (the Jesuit motto). Put another way, he works to puts aside ego to love.

My favorite part?

ALL of us have the ability to be this. It’s not a few are born to be Renaissance Men. Being a Renaissance Man is the lot of being human. It IS being a human being. A FULL human being.

But unfortunately, our culture tends to specialize. So it seems strange that you could be a nerd AND a jock. Or an artist AND a scientist. Or a Christian AND a warrior. It’s like in our culture we think “you’ve got to be one or the other.”

Not according to this ideal.

According to the Renaissance Man ideal, we can do it all. And there are plenty of people that have proved it’s possible.

Check out some of these examples so you KNOW it’s possible for you:

  • Dolph Lungren:

dolphlundgren__120725163126-275x412

black belt, weight-lifter. He speaks Swedish, English, German, French, Italian, Spanish. Studied chemical engineering, and economics. Professional actor (see ‘Rocky IV’), founding member of a New York theater company and a production company, he’s directed six films, and apparently can sing.

  • Viggo Mortensen:

Viggo Mortensen

Actor (see Lord of the Rings), singer, composer, professional photographer and abstract painter–whose work gets featured in actual art galleries. A poet and a general badass.

  • Noam Chomsky:

Noam Chomsky

Philosopher and cognitive scientist. His work has influenced psychology, and he literally invented modern linguistics.

  • Douglas Hofstadter:

Douglas Hofstadter photo

professor of cognitive science, artist, calligrapher, composer, programmer, and physicist. He’s also fluent in three languages, and he’s studied eight others.

  • Ben Franklin:

Ben Franklin

SCHOLAR – Made important discoveries in electricity, invented the “Franklin Stove,” discovered three methods of cooling, introduced several crops to the U.S., invented bifocal glasses, studied several languages, designed a phonetic alphabet, mapped the Gulf Stream and Routes for the post office, traveled extensively in U.S. and Europe, involved in founding of two colleges (University of Pennsylvania and Columbia University).

CITIZEN – Founded first U.S. Hospital, first circulating library, first fire department, first police department, first insurance company, founded street lighting, paving and cleaning, started American Philosophical Society, started Society to Abolish Slavery, started “Leather Apron Club” Union, first postmaster, originated matching contributions idea, crafted well-known maxims on thrift, business-owner, “Patron Saint of Printing,” held government positions such as governor, Ambassador to England, Minister to France, helped found the United States, Philanthropist, organized fund raising and contributed to many worthwhile causes.

GENTLEMAN – Known to be a ladies’ man, known for his great sense of humor, known for his diplomacy and social skills.

ARTIST – Wrote for several early newspapers, considered U.S.’s first writer of humor, drew first cartoon in an American newspaper, founded “Poors Richard’s Almanack,” invented musical instrument – glass armonica, designed “sea anchors”

RELIGION – Introduced idea of prayer in Congress

WARRIOR – Colonel in Militia

  • Leonardo da Vinci:

da-vinci-profile

artist, architect, inventor, scientist, poet, amateur musician.

  • Socrates:

socrates

was said to demonstrate the most courage on the battlefield during the Peloponnesian War, one of history’s greatest philosophers, humble stone mason/sculptor, active citizen in Athenian democracy, known for his gentlemanly sense of ethics, duty, sense of humor, wit, social skills.

“But hold on,” I hear someone saying. “If I follow this Renaissance Man ideal, won’t I just become a jack-of-all-trades but master of none?”

Here’s what I think we can learn from the examples above.

Yes, each of these Renaissance Men often had a focus. For example, Da Vinci focused on painting. Socrates focused on philosophy. Franklin seemed to focus on being a citizen. But that didn’t mean they couldn’t also be poets, musicians, scholars, and so forth as well.

To think otherwise is limited thinking. It’s to defeat one’s self before even beginning.

In fact, when I say “Renaissance Man,” I don’t mean just being multi-talented. I mean being a COMPLETE human being:

Being a scholar (learning and developing), a citizen (contributing and participating), a gentleman (social skills), a warrior (healthy body and assertiveness skills), an artist (using a skill that helps us imagine) and “Christian” or spiritual person (serving a higher power and living an ethical life) are just different facets of being human.

In fact, Plato had this PHENOMENAL idea that “education is recollection.”

We’re NOT born blank slates. We DON’T begin life knowing nothing. It’s NOT that a teacher fills us with knowledge.

Rather, we’re born with the answers within from birth. It’s just the teacher’s job to help us remember. According to Plato, we can learn math because we already have the ability to learn mathematics within.

If that’s true, you can take that a step further.

The reason ANY of us can learn music, art, science, ethics, or whatever, is because we already have the capacity to do it. We just have to remove the plank from our eyes and remember how. The Renaissance Man is within all of us. It’s prewired within us already. It’s what it means to be human.

That’s how I understand the Renaissance Man. Developing the WHOLE human person, not just a part.

I hope we haven’t become so specialized as a culture that we think this is impossible. If so, we’re in danger of creating a self-fulfilling prophesy where we’d be walking around as one-dimensional men.

To show specialization is not the only way of thinking, look at the ancient Greeks. They were the ones behind this Renaissance Man ideal after all. In fact, historians named the Renaissance era with the French word for “rebirth” because this was the age where persons were rediscovering the Greeks and their value of plural excellence. Rebirth of the Greek ideal.

This ideal wasn’t a big issue for the ancient Greeks as it is for us moderns.

Few Greek were specialists (like us). Instead, they were about plural excellence. That’s why so many Greeks were naturally Renaissance Men.

Plato was a poet, a budding politician, a philosopher, and a star wrestler (Aristolces is Plato’s real name; Plato was his wrestling nickname… Plato meant “broad” in Greek… because Plato had such broad shoulders. We know Plato by his wrestling nickname. Isn’t that awesome?).

Aeschylus, the “father of tragedy,” was a great poet and playwright but if you look on his gravestone, his inscription makes no mention of his plays, only his military achievements. He had fought in both Persians Wars and identified more with his honors as a warrior. But he was also an active citizen, gentleman, and a member of the  Eleusinian cult.

Thales, the first philosopher in Greek philosophy, was a mathematician, an engineer, a scientist, a philosopher, an entrepreneur, a citizen who attempted to federate the twelve city-states on the coast of Turkey to fight against the Persians.

To be a Renaissance Man in ancient Greece was not an anomaly. It was expected. All men strove for plural excellence, NOT for specialization.

Why was this ideal not a big issue for the ancient Greeks?

Here’s my theory at least. Maybe they thought plural excellence IS what it means to be human.

We know how much the Greeks exalted humanity, what humanists they were. Perhaps what they recognized and loved in humanity was its universality.

Universality? Huh?

The Greek myth about Prometheus explains what this “universality” is.

prometheus-21

Prometheus. His myth hints at why the Greeks thought EVERY person has the Renaissance Man within them.

 

Check out the myth. I think you’re gonna like this…

First, backstory: Prometheus was a Titan who lived before the gods were even born. In fact, Zeus and the rest of the gods had to battle the Titans in order to rule Mount Olympus. Prometheus was one of the few Titans that had helped the gods beat the Titans.

His name meant “foresight.” He had a brother named Epimetheus and it meant “after-sight.” In other words, Prometheus was the one who thought before acting, Epimetheus acted before thinking.

Okay, here’s the story: Prometheus and Epimetheus were given the task of repopulating the earth after the gods beat the titans. The gods gave the two brothers gifts to hand out to all the beasts. Prometheus crafted an animal called “Man” with great care. He even modeled them after the gods.

But Epimethus made all sorts of animals rapidly without thinking. And he gave away all the good gifts to them. So animals could run fast, see, smell, hear better, and had more endurance than Man. Plus they had coats of fur that kept them warm in the cold nights.

Man had no gifts and no ability to survive in the wild.

Prometheus took pity on man. Of course he did. Man was his special creation. So this is what he did. He asked Zeus to have some of the sacred fire to help them out.

Zeus said, “Hell, no. The fire belongs to the gods alone!”

Prometheus couldn’t bear to see Man suffer so he decided to steal some of the fire anyway. He carried it down to earth.

prometheus-fire

Prometheus stealing some of the fire from the gods for the sake of humanity.

 

And thank God. ‘Cause the fire kept Man warm in the night. It also kept away other beasts so they wouldn’t attack.

Even better, a strange thing happened.

Man would watch the smoke spiral upward. Their eyes lifted from the ground up the the heavens. They began to wonder, think, become more aware, and they built temples to honor the gods.

Still, when Zeus found out about Prometheus’s thievery, he punished him… SEVERELY.

He chained Prometheus to a rock with unbreakable irons, and each day an eagle would eat out his liver. At night his immortal liver grew back again. But every day the eagle returned to make him suffer again.

pro07L

Prometheus getting punished for his transgression. He was chained to a rock and an eagle would eat out his guts during the day. His guts would heal during the night. The eagle would eat out his guts again the next day.

They say it was Hercules who finally rescued Prometheus, but that’s a whole other story.

The point is, humans didn’t have a special gift like other animals. Their gift was fire, awareness, and their ability  to transcend their “one-giftedness” that the other animals were limited to.

Jean-Paul Sartre made a similar point.

quote-Jean-Paul-Sartre-existence-precedes-and-rules-essence-4613

Jean-Paul Sartre (1905 – 1980) twentieth century existentialist philosopher from France.

 

In his essay, “Existentialism Is A Humanism” he argued that what makes humans unique is we’re NOT bound by an “essence.” We exist first. We have this incredible freedom to create our own essence.

I like the way a Renaissance philosopher put it. Giovanni Pico Della Mirandela…

pico_dm_cdella-bar

Giovanni Pico Mirandola (1463 – 1494), Italian philosopher from the Renaissance. The same insight in the Prometheus myth can be found in his “Oration on the Dignity of Man.” That book has been called the “Manifesto of the Renaissance.”

 

…in his “Oration on the Dignity of Man” drew out the lessons of the Prometheus myth in this way (by the way, I know this is a long quote, so feel free to skip it, but let me tell you how WORTH it is to check it out):

“Man is the most fortunate of living things and deserving of all admiration…he’s not of the brutes alone, but also of the astral beings… Hear what this condition of man is… The Great Artificer still longed for some creature which might comprehend the meaning of so vast an achievement, which might be moved with love at its beauty and smitten with awe at its grandeur. He brought forth man.

But there remained no archetype according to which He might fashion a new offspring… All space was already filled; all things had been distributed in the highest, the middle and the lowest orders… At last, the Supreme Maker decreed that this creature… (man has) nothing wholly his own, (but has) a share in the particular endowment of every other creature. Taking… this creature of indeterminate image, He set him in the middle of the world and thus spoke to him:

“We have given you no visage proper to yourself, nor any endowment properly your own… (but) whatever place, whatever form, whatever gifts you… select, these same you may have… The nature of all other creatures is defined and restricted… you, by contrast, aren’t impeded by restrictions… by your own free will… you, trace for yourself the lineaments of your own nature. I have placed you at the very center of the world, so that from that vantage point you may with greater ease glance round about you on all that the world contains. We have made you a creature neither of heaven nor of earth, neither mortal nor immortal, in order that you may, as the free and proud shaper of your own being, fashion yourself in the form you may prefer. It will be in your power descend to the lower, brutish forms of life… (or) to rise again to the… divine.”

To have what (man) chooses, to be what he wills to be! The brutes from the moment of their birth bring with them all that they will ever possess. The highest spiritual beings were from the very moment of creation… (are) fixed in the mode of being. But upon man… God bestowed seeds pregnant with all possibilities the germs of every form of life. Whichever of these a man shall cultivate, the same will mature and bear fruit in him. If vegetative, he will become a plant. If sensual he will become brutish. If rational, he will reveal himself a heavenly being. If intellectual he will be an angel and the son of God. And if dissatisfied with the lot of all creatures, he should recollect himself into the center of his own unity… become one spirit with God, in the solitary darkness of the Father Who is set above all things, himself transcend all creatures.

Who will not look with awe upon this our chameleon? …If you see a man dedicated to his stomach, crawling on the ground, you see a plant, not a man. If you see a man bedazzled by the empty forms of the imagination… and made a slave to his own senses, you see a brute, not a man. If, however, you see a philosopher, judging… (from) the rule of reason… he is a creature of heaven and not of earth. If… a pure contemplator… wholly withdrawn into the inner chambers of the mind, here is neither creature of earth nor heavenly creature, but some higher divinity clothed with human flesh.

Who will not look with wonder upon man… (who) is designated sometimes … by the term “every creature” because he models, fashions, transforms himself into the likened of all flesh and assumes the characteristic power of every form of life?

But what is the purpose of all this? That we may understand… we have been born into this condition of being what we choose to be–that we ought to be sure above else that… we appreciate it… we may… not pervert this free option. We(‘re) impatient with mediocrity (and) pant after the highest things. Let us emulate the kind of life life they lead. For if we lead this kind of life, we shall attain their same estate. If we burn with love for the Creator only… (we) transform into… a heavenly being.

Humans have the ability to be anything we want. We’re both brute and angel. We’re not fixed, we’re “every creature,” we’re universal. The choice is ours what we make ourselves into: to transcend our brutishness or to cultivate our more universal “God” nature.

It’s that universality that’s at the heart of the Renaissance Man.

Marx the same insight, too.

marx

Karl Marx (1818 – 1883) German philosopher who worked in England. Much of his philosophy was a critique of capitalism (rather than about communism).

 

He thought the essence of humanity was the creative act, to be universal men. But unfortunately, he observed most of humans are stuck working 9-5 jobs, getting minimum wage, and not fulfilling his humanity. That’s why he was so passionate about healing the contradictions and injustices inherent in the capitalist system.

Again, whole other story.

My point is: it’s that universality the Greeks loved so much about our humanity. It seems like for them, it was expected to cultivate this universality within us, ’cause it’s what it means to be a well-functioning human.

THAT’S what it means to a Renaissance Man.

Awesome right? See why this ideal inspires me to no end?

Okay, okay. What does all this have to do with pickup?

My point: Pickup focuses on ONE area of the Renaissance Man… the “gentleman.” That’s important, but let’s also develop the other five areas.

For example, how can we also:

  • Contribute to our community? Be a citizen?
  • Be an Artist? Fire our imagination?
  • Be a warrior? Perhaps making our bodies stronger? Becoming more assertive? More courageous to be honest?
  • Be more spiritual? Serve God (or whatever label you prefer to name that which is larger than us)?
  • Exercise our mind? Learn more about philosophy, science, math, history?

Again, what does this have to do with pickup?

I alluded to it at the beginning of this post, but it’s about becoming a more excellent man FOR REAL.

It’s one thing to have tight game on the outside. But if a pua’s sub-communication isn’t there, his game will be like an empty shell. If we build a life FOR REAL that kind of confidence spills over naturally in our sub-communication. Women will feel that inner-strength coming from us.

Also, if you’re building a life FOR REAL, you’ll have a life she’ll want to be part of. And, you’ll naturally have more references to talk with her about once your pickup is done.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s important to get the techniques down. But that’s just the part of the iceberg that peaks up from the surface. Even more important is what’s underneath.

Imagine a girl coming back to your place, and you can play the guitar for her.

Imagine being able to talk poetry, politics, psychology, history, sex, the stars, movies, music… if she’s interested in some or all of those things… with your girl.

Imagine being able to whisper Italian in her ear as you make love to her: “Sei la piu bella donna del mondo” (you are the most beautiful woman in the world).

Imagine being able to sketch her.

Imagine if giving to charity were part of your everyday life anyway. Then when you’re on a date with a woman you help an old lady cross the street. Not to impress her but ’cause it’s who are. You’d attract her without trying. As a byproduct of who you already are.

These are just a few of the surface-level benefits that can help a guy with his success with women by being a Renaissance Man. Call me biased, I just think becoming one helps a guy be naturally attractive to a woman.

But, again, screw being a Renaissance Man for her. Be a Renaissance Man for you. Because it’s good in itself. Because constant growth, constant “rebirth” in becoming a more excellent man is good in itself.

Okay I’m done. I’m stepping off the soapbox now.

All I wanted to say is: let’s master pickup, but let’s also develop our whole person, too. Let’s become an excellent men first and worry about attracting women as an after-thought. Let’s become the “sun” that naturally draws women in, rather than being a “planet” seeking to revolve around her.

Shit, man. Let’s become Renaissance Men.

subliminal-messages-to-attract-women_2

You know what she’s thinking? “Mm-hm, I likes me a Renaissance Man.” Swear to God. 😉

 

 
5 Comments

Posted by on January 4, 2015 in Confidence, Home, Inner

 

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Is The Mystery Method Obsolete? The Answer: No Way

Mystery and two girls

INTRODUCTION

There’s a lot out there about how the Mystery Method’s obsolete.

It’s always easier to judge something on the surface. It makes you feel righteous and superior. But that’s vulgar understanding, and it always misunderstands. Real understanding looks for the good, and isn’t quick to throw things into moralistic categories. It’s harder to do, but you get closer to reality.

Now, let me say here at the outset. I’m not saying the Mystery Method is the “one and only” method. Of course there’re always more than one way to do something. But some methods work better than others. I know MM works. In my experience, it’s the fundamentals of game. And that’s the case I’d like to make to you below.

hercules-1997-movie-review-phil-training-hercules-zero-to-hero-danny-devito-tate-donovan
Here’s Phil showing Hercules the fundamentals. I could almost hear him echoing Michael Jordan’s words: “Get away from fundamentals… the bottom can fall out of your game. Get the fundamentals down and the level of everything you do will rise. Once you’ve got the fundamentals down, you’ve got a solid foundation to build on.” 

Why would some say it’s obsolete then? They’re victims of marketing. Marketers are usually the ones saying the Mystery Method’s obsolete.

Marketers love the word “new.” So do customers. When we see words like: “My NEW product and method is improved!” We want it more.

By saying one method’s out-of-date, marketers attempt to link pain with it. By saying “their” method is up-to-date and better, they attempt to link pleasure with it. To make you buy.

It’s the old case of tear down the “popular” guy to make yourself look more desirable. Very sportsman-like. Not.

And for guys who want to learn how to be more successful with women, these marketing messages just ends up confusing us. Worse, we’ll buy the “new, shinny” product, and it sucks.

So, let me kill this completely false message the Mystery Method’s obsolete. I want to assure you not to be fooled. Fundamentals don’t go obsolete.

To do this, I wrote a fictionalized dialogue between “Introverted Playboy” and I. It was based on a real-life spat. He’s another blogger, and he had commented on this video I had posted.

By the way, he recently changed his blogging name to Justin Attraction, and he now goes by that name. That was about two or three weeks ago (about 7/20/14 or and it’s 8/7/14 now). But because I had been working on this post before he changed his name (since about the end of May), I kept his old one below.

Anyway, you’ll see both our points-of-view below.

Warning: what I wrote might be a little long. Okay, no, it IS long. So, you might wanna grab a cold one. Along the way, we’ll definitely nail down the fundamentals of game.

The Introverted Playboy, now known as “Justin Attraction.” The dialogue below is between him and me.

Quick note about “Introverted Playboy/Justin Attraction” Respect to him. He’s an author and a coach. He’s smart, he puts out sound stuff, and he gets great testimonials. He’s off-base to claim MM is obsolete, but respect still goes out to him.

Anyway, back to you. I hope I’ve portrayed his viewpoint fairly, so you can decide the question yourself.

What I think you’ll see is this: these marketing messages are intellectual masturbation. Useless in the real world, with the added bonus of being paralyzing.

Worse, I can’t help wonder if those who’ve been duped by the hype have even tried MM? And justify their fear of not trying it with these rationalizations? I don’t know.

Check it out for yourself. If nothing else, I pasted some cool pics and videos into the post. If you don’t want to read all this, I don’t blame you, but check those out. I think you’ll still get a sense of the argument.

Again, the argument: MM isn’t obsolete because they go over the fundamentals of game.

CHAPTER ONE. MYSTERY METHOD ISN’T THE “ONE” WAY, BUT *IS* FLEXIBLE

Mystery Sat Night Mag

He’s gotten a lot of publicity, but that doesn’t mean his is the “only” way.

Introverted Playboy: Mystery had good ideas but most of them are obsolete.

Renaissan: You’re absolutely wrong. Most of Mystery’s ideas aren’t obsolete, because they’re about the fundamentals of pickup and seduction. Fundamentals don’t become obsolete.

IP: Well, much of it is.

Ren: Like what?

IP: That my method is THE method. That there’s only one way. To say “this is the only way” is simply wrong, because there’s more than one way.

Ren: There’s only one way? I wasn’t aware of that. Or that Mystery ever claimed that.

IP: Doesn’t the Mystery Method say you must approach indirectly?

Ren: Mystery prefers the indirect approach himself, but you can use MM with a direct opener, too. An approach depends on the context. If a woman’s alone, giving a compliment can work better than going direct. If she’s in a group indirect can be easier. I use a combination of direct and indirect approaches myself.

IP: How can you use both a direct and an indirect approach at the same time?

Ren: They’re a difference in energy. A direct opener’s sincere and serious. Again, it’s best done with one girl. An indirect opener’s a more playful energy. It’s targeted to more than one girl, or groups, because it doesn’t alienate anyone. The other advantage of going in with a playful energy is it lets you approach more sets.

That’s probably why Mystery likes the indirect approach best. It doesn’t alienate, and allows him to approach more.

Again, you can still do the Mystery Method with a direct opener.

IP: Well, his methods are marketed as the be-all and end-all of attraction and seduction.

Ren: It is? Wasn’t aware of that one either. Which specific marketers are you talking about? The marketing messages I see are the ones that diss the Mystery Method, not that it’s the be-all and end-all of attraction.

IP: Remember how MM was billed “how to get beautiful women into bed”? As if it was the final word in the matter? But what it really is, is: a highly specialized method for a particular kind of guy in a particular context.

Ren: Uh, that was the subtitle of of Mystery’s first book, yes.

Mystery Method Book

No where in this book, or in the subtitle of his book, does he claim to have the “only” way.

But who said it was the final word in the matter? I believe you added those words in yourself. I’ve read that book four times. Never saw that claim anywhere. Sounds like your own interpretation.

Also, if you ever listen to Mystery, you’ll hear him say he developed the method for himself, because it worked for him. He happened to teach it to other guys, and it caught on like wildfire. I’ve never heard him claim it’s the final word in the matter. I HAVE heard him say he’s excited to learn from other pickups artists, though.

What’s funny is many of those guys Mystery taught his method went on to open their own pickup companies. They then dissed MM saying it was obsolete and called their game “Natural.” *Cough* Vin DiCarlo and Gambler *Cough* Even though they’re super theoretical and use MM. Why? To make sales. It’s a marketing technique.

IP: Well, MM was developed for specific contexts. Night game in Los Angeles and Las Vegas mostly, and for the goal of dating women in the short-term. They don’t work in other contexts like daytime, shopping malls, low-energy situations, and for other goals like same night lays vs. long-term dating.

Ren: Hahahahaha! Oh, you’re serious. Um, no. Mystery has approached women all over the world, in the day, in the night, high-energy places, low-energy places. He’s gotten same night lays, he’s had long-term relationships. And obviously he used his method to do it.

Same with me. I’ve used MM in every context you can imagine. The mall, bars, coffee shops. I’ve had same night lays, threesomes, foursomes, picked up strippers. And I’m in New England, a completely different culture than LA or Vegas. MM works, man. Why? They’re about universals that cut across time and culture.

CHAPTER TWO. CAN GAME HAVE UNIVERSALS?

IP: We have to be very careful with the idea of “game universals.” What works for one guy may not work for another. MM is one style, one strategy, out of many that could work depending on a guy’s status, approaching different kinds of girls with different personalities. There’s more than one way to skin a cat.

Ren: There are many paths up a mountain, but you still need some basics to get to the top. In game, if you don’t have sexual tension, emotional connection, masculine energy, you ain’t going nowhere with a girl. Whatever your style of skinning a cat is, you’ve gotta have fundamentals. And fundamentals are what MM’s about.

IP: Okay, I agree there are some game universals. But we have to be careful. Style is a universal, peacocking is not. Flirting is a universal, negging and disqualification is not. Status is a universal, preselection is not.

Ren: Do you even know what peacocking, negging and preselection are?

1. Peacocking

This is peacocking. Wear one or two interesting items of clothing. Here Johnny Depp wears an interesting bracelet, an interesting hat. His T-shirt and his jeans (that you can’t see in this pic) are “supporting” pieces.

IP: Peacocking is hilarious, and I guess it can be useful. But it’s basically dressing really weird and bizarre to stand out.

Ren: A common misperception. Peacocking is one of the basics of style. Which is wear one or two interesting items of clothing with supporting pieces. A supporting piece can be a pair of jeans, or a shirt, nothing that stands out. An interesting item is something that stands out, like a necklace or even a cool tie. Something that makes you go “wow” or “that’s kinda different” or “that’s pretty cool.”

It’s a basic of style because, these one or two items make you stand out from the herd of generic, Mr. Nice Guys who dress the same. You don’t have to go nuts here. Peacocking just shows you’ve got an edge and the balls to be a little different. That’s an attractive attitude to communicate through your clothing.

Bonus: they make great icebreakers, too. If you’re wearing a cool necklace or an interesting hairdo, you’ll find girls will opening you. “Cool tie,” she might say.

Just because Mystery has his own unique kind of style doesn’t mean you have to dress exactly like him. You can model other stylish people, a movie star you admire, a rock star you like, a character from a movie you’d like to be like. The point’s to break out of the generic Mr Nice Guy clothing, and take a few chances.

Okay, what about negging. What’s your understanding of that?

2. Negs

A classic quote about teasing from Mystery

Below’s a classic example of play-fighting (or negging) — done with music!

IP: It disqualifies yourself from being a potential suitor. They can take the form of subtle insults to lower a girl’s self-esteem.

Ren: God, no! Another misunderstanding. You’re right they’re meant to disqualify you from being a potential suitor, you’re wrong to say they’re meant to lower girl’s self-esteem. Negs is just banter, man. No big thing.

They’re like what the philosopher Baudrillard once said about seduction:

“Challenge, not desire, is the key to seduction.”

jean baudrillard

Jean Baudrillard, the French postmodern philosopher (1927-2007). His most famous book is “Simulacra and Simulation,” but he also wrote a book called “Seduction.”

It’s making yourself into a bit of a challenge.

Animals play-fight with each other all the time.

Play-fighting. What negging is.

That’s what negs are. Play-fighting. It’s HARMLESS.

Or, it’s like one of my favorite quotes from the movie Tao of Steve:

“We purse that which retreats from us.”

Negs really negate yourself, not her. It’s about pulling away from her to draw her in.

Probably the best thing they do is

It’s the complete opposite of what most other guys do when they:

  • ask “can I buy you a drink?”
  • ask “so where are you from?”
  • tell a girl “you’ve got great tits, wanna fuck?”
  • give her a bunch of generic compliments: “you’re so pretty.”
  • get obsessed with “that one girl”…

Instead, a neg does two things:

  1. communicates to her friends: “I’m not after your hot friend,” or as you said it “disqualifies you from being a potential suitor.” At the same time you…
  2. play-fight with the hot friend, creating sexual tension with her.

It’s FLIRTING. The argument’s over a word, a label.

Mystery coined the term “neg” for play-fighting, banter, playing hide ’n’ seek, catch me if you can. Whatever you call it. For what you do when you create sexual tension.

To her friends it looks like you’re not getting along, and their “bitch shields” don’t activate. But below the surface you and your target are feeling this sexual charge.

Awesome, right?

You can see negs in romantic comedies. In the beginning the two leads usually don’t get along. Their playful conflict and dissonance creates chemistry. Later they fall in love.

EXAMPLES OF ROMANTIC COMEDIES WHERE THE LEADS DON’T GET ALONG AT FIRST BUT FALL IN LOVE LATER (i.e. “negs”)

Rom Com 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

Rom Com Clueless 1995

Clueless (1995)

Rom Com How to lose a guy in 10 days 2003

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days (2003)

Rom Com The Proposal 2009

The Proposal (2009)

Rom ComWhen harry met sally

When Harry Met Sally (1989)

That’s what negs are. Playful conflict. It adds spice to an interaction.

It’s NEVER meant to insult women. If you insult a woman, you’re a dick and you’re doing it wrong. If she’s laughing and hitting your arm, well done. You’re negging on each other.

IP: I get that. But the problem with negs is that so much of a successful neg comes down to tone and the spirit you’re saying it with. The same exact line, spoken in one way will come across as insulting and arrogant, and in another way will be playful and fun.

Ren: So? Is that any reason not to try it? Because you might not get it “perfect” the first time? So what if you fuck up? That’s how we learn. By fucking up.

Besides, it’s such an easy fix.

Arrogant 2

If your attitude is one of an arrogant prick, of course negs aren’t gonna work. Be playful.

If you’re an arrogant shit and you look down on people, then ANYTHING you say will come off as arrogant and insulting. Negs aren’t the problem, then. It’s your attitude.

But if your attitude’s playful and positive, that is you feel great and want to share that great feeling with everyone else, that attitude will come off, too. Even better, as Lance Mason from “Art of Attraction” once said:

“Positive energy is the male equivalent of cleavage.”

806b8768cb4540286ccc2bfc758395ab

Having positive energy is the male equivalent of cleavage. It attracts.

The key to attraction is having a positive energy. That’s why smiling and laughter and giving “feeling good” and social freedom’s so important. It’s a pleasurable feeling that women’ll link to you.

But if your attitude’s playful, and all you want to do is put a smile on a girl’s face, and you don’t look down on people, that attitude will come off, too. It’ll be fun.

That problem you’re talking about has more to do with attitude, not negs.

I was nervous when I first tried negs, but the payoff’s been fantastic. It’s helped me cure my “nice guy syndrome,” become more assertive, be more playful, not to mention I’ve learned how to be funnier. Take the risk, break out of your comfort zone, and try ‘em. It’s worth it.

Negs, or being a playful challenge, is a fundamental to game.

IP: Well, what I don’t like is Mystery frames disqualification as utterly necessary. But in reality, tons of guys succeed by just being totally honest and direct about what they want.

They approach a girl, tell her she’s hot, escalate, and case closed. Disqualification is just one option. It works in some cases, with some women, for some guys. It’s not universally always true.

Ren: Wrong again. Like we talked about, you always need sexual tension. Tension comes from conflict, like tug-o-war. Tug-o-war doesn’t happen by saying to the other team “You guys are so strong and wonderful. I’ll surrender to you.” Then the rope goes all slack. No. Tug-o-war happens when both sides tug.

tugowar

Sexual tension is like playing tug-o-war. This picture is NOT an example of sexual tension. When sex or romance gets mixed in, the tug-o-war turns into sexual tension.

Don’t get me wrong. Being honest is great. I’m all for honesty. I’m honest and direct when I approach. But then I immediately inject some playful conflict, too. Otherwise the interaction becomes dull.

Also, when you pull away slightly, it creates want. What’s the nature of wanting?

Not having. When you have, the wanting goes away. So, being a bit of a challenge makes people want more. Again, it’s a fundamental of game.

Besides, who doesn’t enjoy some laughter, and that cliff-hanger feeling where you don’t know what’s going to happen next?

Okay, okay, okay. You’ve brought us back this issue of the direct versus indirect opener. Cool, whatever. You can do MM with a direct approach, no problem. You said tons of guys do go direct without any disqualification. Which guys did you have in mind?

IP: Tom ToreroJon MatrixYadJustin Wayne, the guys over at daygame.com, or even somebody like Chris Good Looking Loser. They all get hot girls without using MM. The evidence is there, dude.

Ren: Alright, let me watch those guys.

Each one of these guys approached ONE girl in the DAY. So, they opened with direct openers.

Ren: Every one of those guys approached ONE girl during the DAY. I thought we talked about this already. Of course, a direct approach IS more ideal in that context. If you’re going to approach groups of women, the game changes a bit.

Direct honesty is the way to go during the day. All I’m saying is it’s helpful to throw a little playful challenge in there, too. To make things interesting, to make her chase, to make her want.

IP: Well, here’s the other thing. Mystery’s game is so conversation-focused. There are tons of guys that focus on physical escalation, with minimal talking, and are successful.

Ren: I’m not sure who you have in mind, but I know Matador has a really physical game. And guess what? He was a student of Mystery’s. So what?

3. Quick Sex

jessica rabbit ugly

Why scrape the barrel…

jessica rabbit realistic

…when you could have this?

IP: Well, what if you’re looking for simple, quick sex, with little interest in getting to know a girl or developing a deep connection? Sometimes a girl’s horny and wants any guy to sleep with. You don’t need all these weird tactics. You just need to be in the right place at the right time.

Ren: So then you’d become the “player” without standards who sleeps with the first horny girl he sees. Neither talks to the other again. Basically “getting” sex for their own self-interest. And being as passive about as possible.

Awesome.

Why would you want to just go for anyone, like sloppy drunk chicks? MM’s designed to pick up quality girls, the 9’s and 10’s. And part of MM is to be selective about the women you have sex with, to have sex with a girl you’d actually want to see again.

But, hey, if you want to go for the 5’s and 6’s, you can still use MM, too.

For me, the point of learning game isn’t to scrape the barrel and get laid by just anyone, but to learn a life skill and grow as a man.

IP: And what if the 9 or 10 happens to be a sloppy drunk?

Ren: She won’t be much of a 9 or 10 anymore. And kinda illegal if you took her home.

IP: The idea that hot girls are fundamentally “different” from other girls is a common fallacy. The same woman can be all dolled up in a nightclub and get hit on by lots of guys, but then Sunday morning at the coffee shop with no makeup and sweats, suddenly she’s considered less hot. Same girl. All women function in the same way.

Ren: Women and men function in the same way because we’re all human and we all want love. Why stop there? But to ignore the fact that 9’s and 10’s get more attention is just ignoring reality.

Girls who get more attention, get hit on more, get more breaks in life because they’re genetic freaks have a different psychology than a girl who’s been ignored all her life. So, there is a difference between approaching a 9 or 10 versus a 6 or 7.

IP: Every man has a different definition of hotness. One man’s 10 is another man’s 6. There’s a lot of subjectivity there.

Ren: Maybe some guys are into fat chicks. But put a fat chick on the cover of a magazine, I doubt it would sell as well. All of us know the difference between a 10 and a 6.

And ever heard about that experiment done on infants? Where scientists showed them pictures of average faces versus “beautiful” faces? The babies gazed on the beautiful faces more. There’s a lot more objectivity to beauty than you think. You know that. C’mon, man.

grace kelly

Grace Kelly. That’s a pretty beautiful face. Wouldn’t you say? Or is beauty just relative?

IP: I really, REALLY don’t like the number system for various reasons, but that’s for another discussion.

You’re absolutely right, there is such a thing as objective beauty. But objective beauty lies in things like symmetry, a certain wait-hip ratio, clear skin, healthy-looking hair, and so on.

So, although there are clear-cut objective, universal factors, there are still MANY factors that are subjective. That’s why I say one man’s 10 is another’s 6.

There are so many examples. I know one guy who ONLY dates black and hispanic chicks. I know another guy who only dates east asian chicks. No doubt they both respond to symmetry, but they have very different physical tastes nevertheless.

Look at the difference between, say, Taylor Swift and Beyonce. Personally I consider them both very beautiful. But they are also VERY different looking—skin color, body proportions, hair texture, facial features.

A guy who like big tits and ass will probably prefer Beyonce to Taylor. While Taylor will get lots of guys going, that particular guy would probably not even notice her in a bar.

Ren: Yes, gourmet food is gourmet food, but some might prefer filet mignon over lemon herb chicken. Who cares? My point is there are 9’s and 10’s. It’s not harder to attract 9’s and 10’s, it’s just different. There’s a little more play-fighting involved.

And that learning game is more than about getting laid. We may have all gotten in game for that originally. But it’s really about breaking the comfort zone, learning a life skill, growing as a man.

IP: Fair.

Ren: What about preselection? What’s your understanding of that? I’m guessing you think that’s another obsolete idea?

4. Preselection

From Robert Cialdini’s book “Influence.” According to his research on marketing, there are six basic weapons of psychological influence: Reciprocity; Commitment (and Consistency); Social Proof; Liking; Authority; Scarcity.

IP: Again, Mystery mentions this as one of the core necessities to attract a woman. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned past girlfriends or anything similar to a girl, at least not before sex. Rather than essential I see it as entirely optional. And sometimes detrimental. Because it can come off as bragging or in poor taste.

Ren: You’ve gotta read Cialdini’s “Influence” some time. He writes about six psychological factors that makes people want stuff. One of them is social proof. If lots of people want a product, it makes others want it, too. That’s all preselection is. Social proof.

An example of social proof.

An example of social proof.

And who said anything about bragging? Preselection addresses a pitfall a lot of guys fall into. That is, talking bad about their ex-girlfriends. He don’t realize that just makes him look bad.

Or, talking about how no women like him, and he’s a loser.

Chris Farley portraying himself negatively… not exactly the way to attract women: 

How could talking about yourself in this way possibly attract a woman?

The point is, negative talk about yourself and ex-girlfriends isn’t attractive. It’s like trying to sell a product by saying it sucks and no one likes it.

On the other hand, you can talk well about your ex-girlfriends, and yourself. For example, you can mention a girlfriend in passing. And talk well of her. Or, you can present yourself in such a way that you’re successful with them.

Don Juan DeMarco portraying himself positively by showing he has a clue with women… slightly more effective

That’s attractive.

No bragging, man. Just being conscious to replace negative talk with positive talk. How you can benefit her.

And you can take all that up a notch. If a woman sees you surrounded by women, it might pique her curiosity. She might think: “If he has value for her, he might have value for me.”

It’s an effective strategy.

There’s a great scene in “Legally Blonde” that illustrates this, too. To show the principle goes beyond MM:

Reese Witherspoon helps a guy attract a girl he’s interested. The girl’s not interested. Reese pretends he gave her pleasure, then broke her heart. Next thing you know, the girl’s interested in him. Elle Woods understood preselection.

Elle Woods demonstrating Social Proof:

You don’t have to use this strategy. But if you know people gravitate to what others want, why not use it?

IP: Maybe you can “pique her curiosity,” but it’s not guaranteed and it’s not essential. It’s totally optional. Also, it works great for certain girls, such as many who are very status-conscious, but not as well for others.

Ren: Brother, you couldn’t be more wrong. Preselection has NOTHING to do with “status-conscious” girls. It has everything to do with human psychology.

And if you don’t want to use preselection, cool. I don’t care. To me, you’d be like a guy who only wants to play “Mary Had A Little Lamb” on the piano. Sure, he can get by. But why not expand your horizons and learn a little Mozart? If you understand this piece of psychology, you can use it to make your game even tighter.

IP: Preselection brings up something else that’s been nullified by subsequent lessons in recent years, and that’s Mystery’s take on evolutionary psychology. For example, his ideas about being the “tribal leader.” You don’t necessarily have to be the biggest, more powerful guy in the room to pickup women.

5. Evolutionary Psychology and High-Status

Ren: So, now you’re saying you don’t need a lot of masculine energy to attract a woman?

I agree with you on one point. Evolutionary psychology. I’m not a fan of it myself. Ever since I read Lewontin’s “Biology As Ideology.”

This book, by a Harvard geneticist, makes a very convincing critique of evolutionary psychology

This book, by a Harvard geneticist, makes a very convincing critique of evolutionary psychology

David DeAngelo talks a lot about evolutionary psychology too, and it always makes my eyes glaze over. But I’ve never needed to believe in those myths to practice pickup.

That said, I DO think Mystery’s idea of the “tribal leader” is super-useful out in the field.

IP: Dude, “Tribal Leader” IS evolutionary psychology. He talks about ancient tribes and how the instincts that evolved in that prehistorical environment are still relevant today, and so on. That’s evolutionary psychology.

Ren: That’s the psycho-babble decorating a deeper truth. That women are attracted to masculine energy, especially to a high-status male rather than a low-status one.

There’s a joke, and I think it comes from Chris Rock but I’m not sure, where if Bill Clinton were working in a 7-11, women wouldn’t find him attractive anymore.

You could almost add to that: even if Hillary were president of the United States, guys still wouldn’t find her attractive. But it doesn’t matter if Candice Swanepoel were working in 7-11, she’d still be hot.

Candice Swanepoel. Still be hot if she worked at 7-11.

Candice Swanepoel. Wouldn’t matter if she worked at 7-11, would it?

IP: So, how do you convey high-status in the field? Brag?

Ren: No way. High-status can translate in the way you carry yourself, in your body language, the way you dress, speaking well, treating people with respectunafraid of drawing boundaries. The swagger that comes from success with women.

That attracts chicks like cah-ra-zy. The way youth, facial symmetry, waist-hip ratio attracts guys.

Women find a survivor quality attractive because it’s masculine. It shows he’s strong enough to take care of her.

wolverine-trailer-banner

Wolverine: A man who can survive and who can protect. The idea is that’s masculine, and masculinity attracts women.

Men find a replicative quality attractive in a chicks because it’s feminine. Or it’s a sign of fertility.

Whatever the reason, being aware of the difference between how guys get attracted and women get attracted is super-useful in the field.

IP: Well, survival and replication is all part of evolutionary psychology. Which is fine. But to say it has nothing to do with pickup is silly.

Ren: You just totally missed my point. First, you don’t have to believe in evolutionary psychology to practice this idea. The idea being looks attract guys more, and having high-status attracts chicks more than looks. What I was trying to say was, you don’t need evolutionary psycho-babble to practice that.

IP: I agree status can make a big difference. But status is FLUID and dependent on context, as well as on the girl’s preferences.

A tatted-up 19-year-old hipster with a crappy part-time job into the indie rock scene is likely to have a VERY different conception of “status” than a 28-year-old preppy Harvard grad who works with a lobbying firm in D.C.

Accordingly, two very different kinds of men will be considered highly attractive to them. And note that both of these girls can be super-hot.

Ren: We can keep returning to this theme of relativism versus universals until we’re blue in the face. It’s still a cop-out.

Maybe a 19-year-old hipster has different taste in men than a 28-year-old Harvard grad. But strength, confidence, and masculinity are universals that’ll attract a woman no matter what. Whether she’s a tenured professor or a 19-year old college student.

IP: Well, if you say “status” is just about confidence, body language, and swagger, that’s hardly revolutionary and we don’t need MM to tell us that.

Ren: I wasn’t arguing that “confidence attracts women” is what’s revolutionary about MM. What’s revolutionary about MM is it’s a practice that helps guys GET that confidence and swagger.

You said at the beginning of all this Mystery had some good ideas. Out of curiosity, which did you have in mind?

CHAPTER THREE. IF MM IS *MOSTLY* OBSOLETE, IS THERE ANY GOOD?

Mystery lecturing

The “good” of The Mystery Method, according to Introverted Playboy: Mystery was the first to take a scientific approach. If that were true, what about all the academics who’ve taken a scientific approach to attraction before him? (Arthur Aron, Hellen Fisher, Desmond Morris, Lucy Brown, David Buss, Geoffery Miller, Margaret Meade, John Gottman… to name a few.)

IP: The GOOD thing that Mystery introduced, and this WAS revolutionary, was the notion we should take a scientific approach to understanding attraction.

Ren: Scientific approach? You mean evolutionary psychology?

IP: No, he gave us a different take on women than, for example, “what my uncle said about the birds and bees.” Which is what most male discussion about attraction was based on for generations to that point. This scientific approach was indeed novel.

Ren: Not sure if I follow.

IP: You could take your uncle’s word for it, OR you could look critically at the evidence and see what’s really going on. And see that status, for example, is part of what attracts girls. But there’s also more to the story.

Ren: Okay, so you do think status attracts women.

IP: I guess so.

Ren: My point: saying MM’s obsolete is dangerous because some might be tempted to throw out the baby out with the bathwater, and the fundamentals that go along with it.

IP: I do think people who dismiss MM out-of-hand run the risk of throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

But over time we’ve learned that only some of it you need, some of it is optional, some of it is only necessary in a certain context. And some of it will work great in some cases and actually be harmful in other.

Maybe obsolete isn’t the right word. Maybe incomplete or inadequate, or “not the whole story” would have been better.

CHAPTER FOUR. MM IS COMPREHENSIVE

Ren: Woooooow. That’s EXACTLY what’s awesome about MM. It IS comprehensive. It’s a guideline of what to do from meet to sex. It has the same structure as the beginning-middle-end of a story.

Mystery white board

Mystery with a diagram of his method. Looks complicated, but the idea’s simple: attract first (A), build comfort second (C), save seduction for last (S). More on this below.

Like storytellers, pickup artists can use the MM structure to give them the freedom to use his imagination to create his own “stories” with his own style.

There’s so much flexibility within the MM structure. As evidenced by all the guys who came after and added to him.

How else do you explain why Mystery’s trained more master pickup artists than any other? OR changed the lives of countless men who felt they were hopeless with women, like me?

IP: All the respect to Mystery, no doubt. But look at what happened with many of those guys—they wound up developing their own styles and methods. You look at someone like Tyler Durden/RSD, for instance, and what he teaches now bears almost no resemblance to MM, as far as infield action.

1. MM’s Comprehensive Allows For Different Styles

Ren: So? That’s how it is with any art. A teacher teaches you a skill, but you don’t master it until you make it your own. RSD may have their own style, but they still use the fundamentals of MM: create sexual tension, be the man, entice her to chase, attract first, build comfort second, seduce last.

IP: Remember there were and are tons of guys who did not succeed with MM, and eventually turned to other things, or turned their back on game altogether and joined PUAHate and whatnot.

Ren: If a guy starts learning piano and gives up does that invalidate piano? Just means he gave up.

If a guy doesn’t make the basketball team, does it invalidate basketball? Just means he didn’t make the cut.

If a guy never got his black-belt in martial arts, does it invalidate martial arts? It means he stopped going.

Same with people who had turned to PUAHate. Instead of looking at himself and how he could he improve, he blames an outside force, gets bitter and instead of growing just complains. It’s called sour grapes.

Sour Grapes

“Sour Grapes make the best whine.” Hehe. So damn true. Especially for the guys over at puahate.com.

Now, if MM is as specialized as you say, how do you explain him having his own TV show?

IP: Don’t go by TV. They’re in it for shock value and entertainment and money, nothing more.

Ren: Blanket statement, maybe? I’m not citing TV as an authority. I’m talking from the producer’s point-of-view. If I’m a producer who wants to create a show that appeals to a mass audience, I’d want it it to have mass appeal. If MM was so specialized, how could he have that mass appeal?

Maybe our disagreements boil down to where we’ve been practicing game. Maybe your focus has been on one-on-one day game, whereas my practice has revolved around approaching women in groups at night.

IP: I do approach small groups, 2-3 max. But I approach those groups usually with wing men available. I generally avoid mixed sets.

Ren: Maybe that’s why you say MM is obsolete, then. Because you’re afraid of trying it out. It’s definitely a different energy during the day. I know trying out MM’s been a life-changer for me.

IP: Note the higher energy in the night. More physical style like RSD succeed very well in the night game, so again it’s relative.

Ren: I feel like we’re going around in circles. We already established that. No one’s arguing you only have to approach indirectly. MM is just a proven guideline that works, a flexible structure with fundamentals. You can adapt that to all sorts of contexts.

IP: Well, a lot of it was off the mark, and other PUAs have learned it’s unnecessary. You say it’s comprehensive, but it’s not.

2. MM Shows All The Classic Mistakes Men Make With Women

Ren: How come MM explains every mistake a guy makes with a woman using each step:

  • The Mr. Nice Guy who approaches in comfort: “come here often?” By skipping attraction.

Below, the Nice Guy: he opens in comfort without bothering to spark interest/attraction first. And he hides the fact he’s being nice to get sex.

  • The Creepy Guy who approaches in seduction: “let’s fuck,” or just stares with lust. By skipping attraction and comfort and opening in seduction.
Mistake Creepy guy

The Creepy Guy. He opens in Seduction, before attracting or building comfort.

  • The guy who attracts, but gets stuck in comfort because he doesn’t kino escalate: the Friend Zone. By opening in attraction, builds comfort never moves to seduction.
mistake friend zone

The Friend Zone. He may have attracted her and built comfort, but he stays in comfort because he fears physically escalating.

  • The Player who attracts, but skips comfort and rushes to seduction: girl feeling buyer’s remorse, not returning his calls. By opening in attraction but skipping comfort.
Mistake how to be a player

The Player. He attracts, but skips comfort, and goes straight for seduction. He might get sex and rack up the women, but they usually have buyer’s remorse afterwards.

The idea is so damn simple.

  • Attract a woman FIRST before seducing or building comfort. Get some sexual chemistry going.
  • Build comfort and get to know her, second.
  • Then make a move (never in public, always in private) into a mutual seduction, third.

Simple, elegant, practical. Explains each mistake and how to solve them.

Also, it shows guys what the mating ritual looks like.

Every time we fall in love, regardless of place, time, we go through this process. We’re first attracted. We get to know the person. Then we seduce.

In fact, Desmond Morris, the zoologist who studied human behavior like any other animal, observed in “The Naked Ape” that the human mating ritual goes through three phases:

  1. Pair formation (courtship, or the attraction and comfort phases),
  2. Precopulatory activity (foreplay), and
  3. Copulation (sex).

He says it’s not always done in that order. For example, look at pre-arranged marriages. Husband and wife have sex before building a connection. But couples in a sexual relationship do go through the stages eventually.

Morris also observed that courtship last waaaay longer in humans than in animals.

Nakedape

Desmond Morris, the zoologist, made a similar observation as Mystery: the human mating ritual goes through three main stages.

What was before a mysterious process about HOW to be more successful with women on purpose (not on accident), has become like turning on the light in the dark so we’re not fumbling around.

Like a story structure, you fill MM out however you like. Just like the universal structure of story. Just as there are an infinite amount of stories, there are an infinite amount of ways to fill out MM.

3. MM Is Linear AND Cyclical

IP: Attraction-Comfort-Seduction. I personally find that model too linear. I think of the seduction process as more cyclical.

Ren: Cyclical?

IP: Yes, balancing comfort and stimulation.

Ren: Um, that’s already part of MM. He calls it microcalibration. Even in comfort you’ve still got to be a bit of a challenge. Throughout attraction, comfort, and seduction you balance the “neg” part of things with interest, appreciation, connection.

Mystery on Microcalibration: the “cyclical” aspect of MM

In fact, that right there is THE unifying principle that binds attraction-comfort-and seduction together. As well as taking the lead and being the man all along the way.

IP: My way is so much simpler. I discuss my model of attraction and seduction in my ebook Introverted Seduction.

Ren: Yeah, “Introverted Seduction.” Why do you call yourself “Introverted Playboy” anyway, and your book “Introverted Seduction”?

4. MM Is For Introverts AND Extroverts

Introvert vs extrovert 2

The point isn’t to stay introverted or extroverted, but to grow.

IP: Because it’s geared towards introverts. Introverted guys have unique challenges and strengths in game. People think we have a handicap in game, but with practice, we can excel. We just have to play to our strengths, and not act like extroverts.

So, my book’s about how you don’t have to wear furry hats, paint your fingernails black, run routines, or neg. It’s meant for men who like to spend time alone and enjoy quiet conversations with one or two people. So I wrote this book about how introverts can succeed with women.

Ren: By remaining introverted.

IP: Right. Be true to who you are.

Ren: First of all, you’re confusing the man with the method. Mystery the man has that style. You can still have your own style and learn MM. MM, on the other hand, is just a guideline you can adapt to fit that style of yours.

Second, did Jung have in mind to stay introverted when he invented those labels “Introversion” and “Extroversion”? I thought his point was to become a more integrated human being. Not to remain the same. To integrate some of the energy you’re deficient into your personality, so you can grow.

Carl Jung (1875-1961), the psychologist who invented the terms

Carl Jung (1875-1961), the psychologist who invented the terms “introvert” and “extrovert.” We  might lead with one temperament, but we have the ability to be both. The point is to integrate both energies into our personalities.

IP: No, it’s about knowing your strengths and playing to those. It’s about not pretending to be someone you’re not, and being true to yourself.

Ren: Mystery was a big-time introvert before he taught himself game. To this day he’s an introvert. You have to be to invent something like MM. But he also now knows how to be outgoing, too. In other words, he’s become a more “whole” person.

Same with Neil Strauss. Big-time introvert before he learned game. After he learned game, he also learned how to bring out his personality better.

David DeAngelo was an introvert. Ross Jeffries was an introvert. Brad P was an introvert. Tyler Durden was an introvert.

I’d say most of us who learn game started as nerdy introverts. I’m an introvert myself.

I don’t think any of us would say we’re pretending to be someone we’re not after learning how to be more extroverted. I think we’d all say we’ve learned to become a more well-rounded human being, who knows how to bring out his best self.

MM is for introverts by an introvert. It helps introverts break out of that comfort zone. AND extroverts learn a shit load too. For example, the winner of the first season of “VH1’s The Pickup Artist,” Cosmo, was a natural extrovert.

Below is a video of Cosmo. He gives an example of a qualifier in it. Only thing I’d disagree with him is they’re NOT meant to bring down someone’s “value.” Qualifiers are more about helping a girl step down from her pedestal, if she’s on one, so you and her can now talk human-being-to-human-being.

IP: Well sometimes a guy doesn’t want to be an extrovert. I’m not saying Mystery’s model doesn’t work or can’t work. I’m just saying it’s rigid and limiting.

Ren: No, man. Just the opposite. MM’s super flexible. You can adapt it to your own personality and any context you’d like.

Or, are you saying it’s not good to have structure at all? That all structure is rigid and limiting?

5. MM’s Structure Gives You Freedom

What often happens when we have no structure, direction, or map.

What happens when there’s no structure, direction, map.

IP: I prefer to be intuitive about it. You don’t need a structure.

Ren: But structure’s what keeps the universe in place. It keeps the body in place. It keeps a story in place. It keeps music in place. And it keeps game in place.

And the beautiful thing about structure is it’s as flexible as a tree bending in the wind.

Not only that but having a structure allows you to take the lead. It’s like a map that helps you know where to go next. Otherwise, without a structure, you’d get into these fumbling, go-nowhere conversations.

Ironically, it’s having no structure that’s limiting. Structure sets you free.

IP: Structure sets you free? How’s that possible?

Ren: Imagine a bridge between two cliffs. That’s what structure is. Without the bridge in place you can’t get anywhere, and you might drown in the water below.

Broken Bridge

What having no structure is like. Can’t go anywhere.

Now, if you have a wobbly bridge, you won’t be able to walk across it with a lot of confidence. But if you have a strong bridge, now you can dance and have the freedom to be yourself. It’s counter-intuitive, but a strong structure gives you more freedom.

When striking up conversations with with strangers, it’s especially helpful to have a plan. Knowing what to do first, second, and third allows you to lead an interaction to a destination.

IP: Well, I think MM creates unnecessary extra steps that just get in the way. As many have said over the years, his teachings are complicated and contain unnecessary, superfluous material. It’s too complicated and completely anti-intuitive.

6. MM Is A Backwards Rationalization Of An Intuitive Process

Ren: Nope. You’re looking at MM through the lens of other people’s labels and misunderstanding, rather than taking the time to understand MM itself.

MM is the result of Mystery looking back on all his successful pickups and seeing a pattern. Certain things happened again and again when he succeeded. When he failed, he found that pattern wasn’t in place. That pattern became the Mystery Method.

And any skill seems it’s complicated at first. If you read about about how to drive a car, you’d probably think it’s too complicated and anti-intuitive. But after you practice those steps, it becomes intuitive. It’s helpful to have steps as a teaching tool until talking to women becomes intuitive.

Written down, driving a car seems counter-intuitive and complicated. The more you drive a car, the more intuitive it becomes, until you're driving 70 miles an hour eating a bowl of ice cream. Okay, you're right. Maybe not such a good idea.

Driving a car seems counter-intuitive and complicated at first. The instructions are meant for beginners. The more you practice the guidelines, the more “second nature” it becomes. Until you’re driving 87 miles an hour while texting. Not recommending that.

IP: Well, there’s just too much superfluous material.

7. Every Step In MM Has A Purpose

Ren: Like?

IP: A1, A2, A3… way to complex.

Ren: What does each of those refer to?

IP: A1 Open, A2 DHV, A3 qualify.

Attraction

Attraction: it works the same way as electricity or magnetism. Opposite forces attract. Like forces repel. Masculine energy attracts the feminine. And playful conflict attracts more than being completely alike and perfectly nice.

Ren: Each one totally necessary and has a purpose.

I’ve gotta share this cool experiment with you. Did you hear about this by Arthur Aron at SUNY-Stony Brook on what makes two people fall in love?

IP: No…

Ren: Oh, it’s so cool. You know what her found out? He discovered there are three things makes us fall in love: sexual tension, mutual self-disclosure, and to discover the other person likes you for legitimate reasons.

When I first read this, it blew me away, because this is exactly what A2 and A3 refer to.

You do only two things in A2: a) create sexual tension with your target through negs (or play-fighting) and b) self-disclose yourself to her friends through DHV (or sharing yourself).

A3 is the mirror image of A2. By sharing yourself first in A2, you’re in a better position to ask about herself, by qualifying her. After she answers your question, you give a “Statement-Of-Interest,” telling her you like her, and make her feel liked for legitimate reasons.

The entire purpose of the attract phase: spark sexual tension, mutual self-disclosure, so you can make her feel liked for legitimate reasons.

The real genius of A1, A2, and A3 is it ALSO answers four basic questions people ask themselves (credit: hilarious and insightful blogger BossyMoksie) whenever a stranger approaches them out of the blue:

  1. Why is he approaching me? (Or, what does he want from us?)
  2. How long am I going to be stuck with him? (Or, hopefully we’re not stuck with him.)
  3. Who is he?
  4. What can he do for me?

A1, the opener, answers the first two questions. First, you “root” yourself, i.e. let them know why you’re approaching.

You can be honest and direct: “You guys looked cool and I wanted to introduce myself” or “I’ve got this rule that whenever I see someone attractive, I’ve gotta say hi.”

Or, you’re approaching because you’re being outgoing, friendly, out meeting everyone.

Or, you’re approaching because you want to get a female opinion on something…

Below’s the REAL origin of the classic opinion opener “Who lies more, men or women?” at about 4:15

Whatever the reason, people won’t hear a word of what you’re saying unless they know why you’re talking with them first.

Second, give some kind of a time constraint. This can be verbal: “I’ve only got a sec.”

Or, through your body language: if your feet are turned away from them it communicates you’re not going to be there forever. In fact, you’re on your way out.

My favorite constraint’s to play-fight within the second sentence out my mouth. This is my favorite because it’s all about positive energy. Positive energy is the #1 thing to attract. It’s the male equivalent to big tits.

Third, open within 3 seconds to avoid being the Creepy Guy who stares or stalks. Really he’s being “The Nice Guy.” He waits for the woman to leave her group so he can catch her alone and hit on her… Much better to disarm the group using stories and humor that shows a non-insulting LACK of interest.

That’s all A1 is. Opening within 3 seconds, hooking a set by rooting yourself, and giving a constraint. Once you do that, you’re into A2.

And A2 is all about introducing yourself. It answers their next two questions:

You’re telling the group who you are. And…

…by initiating an interesting topic of conversation (DHV) while bringing humor to the table (negs), you’re giving the group value.

Once you introduce yourself it’s natural to ask about them… and you’re off into A3.

Brilliant. It works in any context you can imagine. And you can fill this structure out however you like.

IP: Well, what about C1, C2, C3…?

Comfort

Comfort: getting to know each other, and building a connection.

Ren: C1, C2, and C3 are distinguished by location.

C1 takes place in the pickup venue. It’s also the secret to getting a solid phone number. Which is spending 25-40 minutes with her.

Getting a number in three minutes WILL flake. ‘Cause she doesn’t know you. Spending time getting to know her (25-40 minutes) gives her reason to pick up the phone.

But why play phone game at all when you can “time bridge”? That means NOT waiting to make a date later, but right there and then when you have her in person. It’s the opposite of what most guys do. It’s smart.

C2 is about visiting 3-5 venues with her. They’re neither in the pickup location nor the sex location. This builds more trust than spending the same amount of time with her in one place. If she sees you in only the venue you met as strangers, you’ll still feel like strangers. If you go to places together, well, you’re going into them “together.” You’re no longer strangers.

And THAT’S the secret to inviting her back to your place. Take her to multiple places. Then when you invite her to you place, she’ll accept because it’s just one more place.

Also, C2 means NOT waiting to kiss her at the end of the night. Be kissing already. Be touching each other already. That way when you go for foreplay in S1, it’s not an awkward move but an organic one.

C3 begins once she’s accepted your invitation to come back to your place and she’s alone with you there.

C3 means having a non-sexual reason for inviting her up: check out my aquarium, check out that movie we talked about, play that song on my guitar for you. Allow her to plausibly deny she’s coming up for sex. Let her save face and not appear “slutty.”

C3 also means NOT pouncing her when she’s at your place. For example, check your messages. Get her a drink. Put on a movie, play her a song on your guitar, play the home version of Dance, Dance Revolution. Or tell each other’s grounding stories. The grounding story can also be done in C2, but it’s often done in C3.

C3 continues to build comfort and trust, because you’re NOT pouncing as soon as she’s alone with you. By not pouncing, it builds sexual tension. She’s more likely to pounce on you!

IP: And S1, S2, and S3?

Seduction

Seduction: Woo-hoo!

Ren: S1 is foreplay.

Foreplay

Foreplay: emotional connection turns into a physical connection.

S1 is the rule to NOT make out until you’re in private.

S1 also includes the idea that foreplay is about teasing her. Smelling her hair for five minutes without touching her. Not going directly to her sexual spots. To inch toward them but take detours, building even more sexual tension. Taking two steps forward, one step back. Making her want it more and more.

Don't skip foreplay

Why we should never skip foreplay.

S2 is female psychology 101 about why her “Last Minute Resistance” to sex comes up.

The reason: it feels like our First Minute Resistance to approaching.

She doesn’t want to be perceived as a slut. She wants to know you’re gonna stick around after sex. Not necessarily get married, but to know the option is hers.

Why Last Minute Resistance comes up.

Why Last Minute Resistance comes up.

So, S2 is all about empathy. It’s about not forcing the issue, or making her feel guilty, or logic-ing her to death about why she should have sex. It’s about agreeing with her, then trying again later until she feels comfortable.

The point’s to let her know you’re going to stick around after sex. And that the notion of “slut” is double-standard bullshit.

The best way to deal with LMR is preemptively, though. By hinting you’ll stick around sex throughout the comfort phase before the issue might come up later.

Finally, S3 is first time sex.

Foreplay and the sex

Giving her great sex.

It’s about being choosy who you have sex with. To have sex with someone you want to see again. If you’re polyamorous, she can be one of your girlfriends (and that means being upfront with her that you’re in a “dating” phase of your life, it does NOT mean sneaking around) or if you want one girlfriend, maybe she’s it.

The point is: practice up until S2. Only cross the line to S3 if you want to see her again.

See how comprehensive MM is? How flexible and adaptable it is?

IP: It does make sense.

Ren: Tell me about it!

8. MM Uses Routines AND Spontaneous Conversation

Pianist 1960,art,illustration,painting,pianist,robert,mcginnis-854a9e089136770de54ef515257917e8_h

Routines are like a pianist learning a piece by Mozart or an actor learning his lines or a cook learning a recipe. You can focus on your delivery. Based on that foundation you can make up your own stuff. We mix routines and spontaneous conversation all the time.

IP: But maybe his style is useful for beginners who need specific words, stories, questions to get conversations going and to transition into more interesting interactions.

Routines are useful only if they’re unique to you. Ultimately, I think everyone should cultivate their ability for spontaneous communication in the moment.

Ren: I’ve been practicing pickup for awhile. I still use MM, routines, AND spontaneous together.

You’re not saying you’re above routines, are you? That it’s only for beginners? Because all of us rely on routines everyday.

When we say “Hi, how are you” or “thank-you” those are routines. When we tell the story about “why I chose to live in the state of Maine” again because we’ve polished it and we know it works, that’s a routine. Comedians use routines, too.

Then we can build on that foundation of a routine to make up our own stuff. But we always use routines and spontaneous communication together.

I also like routines because it teaches you to tell a story so well that you bring out your personality. You get to concentrate on your delivery like an actor. You can concentrate on your body language, your facial expression, your tone. The emotional communication.

Pickup is a performance art. It’s a way to become your best self. MM gives you the tools to do this.

CHAPTER FIVE.
HAVE YOU TRIED MM?

Ren: Now, I’ve gotta ask. Have you even tried MM out, or is everything you know about it hearsay?

NO RESPONSE.

Ren: Introverted Playboy? Hello?

NO RESPONSE.

CONCLUSION

The Mystery Method isn’t obsolete. It’s a message that originated in marketing to compete with Mystery. They had to knock him down to make themselves look better. Some guys bought into this and seem to use it as an excuse not to try it at all. Instead of taking the time to understand MM, they ignore the treasure trove that’s in it.

Worse, those who who’ve bought into the intellectual masturbation around the messages probably haven’t even tried it. They prefer direct, one-on-one day game because it’s safer.

Another theme behind this message: there are no universals, everything is a free-for-all. That was the same argument the sophists had put forth in ancient Athens: there’s no truth, everything is relative. It confused the Athenians then, it confuses guys today.

Socrates and the sophists

The obsession with the newest, shiniest thing is not unlike claiming there are no objective standards. Of course there’s room for change. But without standards or fundamentals you’ve got no basis to build on.

Even in Einstein’s theory of relativity, there are universals. Without the universal of the speed of light, the relativity of time and space doesn’t work.

There are universals underlying game, and there are fundamentals. That’s what the Mystery Method is about. The fundamentals. It’s not the be-all and end-all. It’s like the beginning-middle-ending structure story-tellers use to tell stories.

The structure’s flexible and there’s lots of room for invention. In fact, it’s structure that frees an artist to invent. Much of the new developments in pickup are possible because of the foundation MM laid down.

Rather than talk about it, try it. You’ll see for yourself.

It works.

The Mystery Method isn't obsolete, because it's about the fundamentals.

The Mystery Method isn’t obsolete, because it’s about the fundamentals.

 
 
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