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Decisiveness

18 Apr

Making decisions is hard. Believe me, I know.

But to be a strong man, we’ve got to be decisive. For example, if you tell to a woman: “You decide,” she won’t feel like you’re protecting her.

Here’s the toughest thing about making decisions.

Sometimes you’ll make decisions people won’t like. They’ll call you stupid or get angry with you. So, we become afraid to make the wrong decision. To screw up.

I’d say this, though. It’s better to make a bad decision than to make no decision. I used to think if I avoided making a decision then I couldn’t be blamed for making a bad decision. Then I realized there were still consequences of making no decision at all.

How do you know if you’ll make the right decision?

You won’t, but get as much info as you can. And trust your judgment. It’s impossible to ever know if it’s the “perfect” decision. Just do the best you can do based on the info you have. If it’s the wrong decision? Oh well. Now you know. Learn from it.

Here’s the other thing. I’ve been in relationships with women who pressured me to do the wrong thing. My gut was telling me it was the wrong thing, but I did it anyway, just to please her. Please don’t do this. Please. Do what you know in your gut is right. Even if it doesn’t “please” her.

I’m not saying don’t listen to her. Yes, listen to her. She might give you good feedback. Understand where she’s coming from. If it’s good feedback, by all means use it. Sometimes she’ll make you aware of things you hadn’t thought of. Cool. Compromise.

But if it’s something against what you KNOW to be true, throw it out. Do what’s right. Don’t make a decision just to please everyone else. You’ll end up getting tossed by the wind. You want to be a rock, instead.

tumblr_m9or51jumK1rzd0t9o1_500

Be the rock haha

So, guide your decisions based on your values. That conviction gives you confidence in your decisions. And makes you more resilient to criticism.

Hey, and if the decision turns out to be the wrong one, fine. Take responsibility for it. You’re human. Owning up to mistakes is actually a sign of strength. Never deny or try to blame someone else or the circumstances for your mistakes. Own up to it.

So, the biggest thing I’ve learned about being more decisive is this. It’s okay to make mistakes. Just decide. If it’s the wrong decision, learn from it.

We respect people who have the confidence to take charge. We don’t admire people who stand back like a wussy boy. Have the balls. And decide.

Here’s some stuff I’ve used to help me become more decisive:

1. Next time you’re out with friends and no one knows where to go to eat, say “we’ll go here.” Lots of times people are just looking for a leader. Step into that role.

2. With your woman, instead of putting the responsibility of deciding where to eat on her, pick YOUR favorite place to go. What your gut says. Say: “We’re going here.” If she criticizes you, or puts you down for it, she doesn’t have to come along. And if it does suck, oh well. Now you know not to go there. And really, when you think about it, you can make any place fun, right?

3. When you’re by yourself and you have to make a decision, listen to your gut. Socrates used to call this his “inner voice.” And he said it never steered him wrong. Listen to it. Check it against your reason and the facts. Then go back to your gut. Make the decision to the best of your ability, and go with it 100%. No looking back.

I got this “aha” moment about letting go of the fear of making the wrong decision from Elliot Katz in his book “Being The Strong Man A Woman Wants.”

being strong man book

Awesome book.

High recommended, by the way. So, I wanted to share it with you.

Decisiveness sharpens your masculinity. And, of course, makes you more attractive to women. Can’t complain about that.

 
9 Comments

Posted by on April 18, 2013 in Home, Masculinity

 

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9 responses to “Decisiveness

  1. Socialkenny

    April 18, 2013 at 10:50 pm

    Decisiveness is 1 of the oldest concepts of pickup but this clashes with my nature since I’m an Aquarian which means we’re naturally indecisive, so tricky for me, but I do get the concept.

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  2. renaissan

    April 19, 2013 at 3:08 pm

    You’re absolutely right. Decisiveness is CRITICAL to pick up. Approaching, escalating, bouncing, first kiss, fucking… all have to do with taking charge and being decisive. Indecisiveness, though, has nothing to do with where the sun was in the sky when you were born. Hate to break it to you. Haha. Good news is… all us guys can be more decisive if we want.

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  3. bossymoksie

    April 23, 2013 at 6:33 pm

    Decisiveness makes you seem confident, which is always attractive.
    I liked what you said about making a decision, even if it turns out to be a mistake. As long as you own it and turn it around, it’s fine.

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  4. renaissan

    April 23, 2013 at 7:33 pm

    Amen to that sista! That what you just said there is the HEART of what I was trying to say. Thank-you

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  5. Introverted Playboy

    April 26, 2013 at 3:10 am

    The point about people in group settings just wanting a leader to show up and make a decision is very true. Even when I was younger with no knowledge of pickup or anything, I would sometimes get frustrated in a group situation (like a school project) and just say “Ok, well why don’t we do XYZ” and that got things moving. It was more out of frustration and impatience with other people’s indecisiveness. Maybe a proto-form of leadership was developing there, lol.

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  6. renaissan

    April 26, 2013 at 7:07 pm

    Oh absolutely!

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  7. leah

    January 24, 2015 at 1:11 pm

    The bossy entitlement you suggest men have is pretty bad advice. How would you feel if women told you, “We are going here. You don’t like it? So what.Don’t come.” Does that feel like a team effort? Guess what! When wimen are alone, we follow our gut. Having a man present doesnt mean our intuition, wants and brains fall apart. Have some self confidence and respect so you can ask, be open, make suggestions, fail, be right, be wring, and its all OK. Women don’t like patriarchy because it is oppression for Everyone. Don’t be that patriarchal insecure ass.

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    • renaissan

      January 27, 2015 at 8:34 pm

      Whoa, whoa, whoa. No one said anything about being patriarchal or bossy.

      In fact, if you read the post carefully, you’d see I said: “listen to her… If it’s good feedback, by all means use it. Sometimes she’ll make you aware of things you hadn’t thought of… Compromise.”

      The idea was: instead of going “where do you wanna eat?” “I dunno where do you wanna eat?” “I dunno where do you wanna eat?”… I’m suggesting a guy take the lead and make a decision.

      That’s it. I’m afraid you may have read too much into things.

      Like

       

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