1. Who cares what people think of you?
Make serving a higher purpose more important than pleasing women. It makes you waaaay more attractive. Check out this great quote from Jesuit priest Tony DeMello:
“Having a lot of money has nothing to do with being a success in life. You’re a success in life when you wake up! Then you don’t have to apologize to anyone, you don’t have to explain anything to anyone, you don’t give a damn what anybody thinks about you or what anybody says about you. You have no worries; you’re happy. That’s what I call being a success…
(Those who are worried what people think of them–even if rich and famous)… are controlled, so manipulated. They are unhappy people, they are miserable people. They don’t enjoy life. They are constantly tense and anxious. Do you call that human? And do you know why that happens? Only one reason: They identified with some label. They identified the “I” with their money or their job or their profession or (what women thought of them).”
-Anthony DeMello, “Obstacles to Happiness” in Awareness
2. Social Freedom.
Related to the first.
We’re all born socially free. But we got bound by social chains of “you can’t do this,” esteem, hurt feelings, limited thinking, insecurities.
The key to success in pickup is to break free from this anxiety and be socially free again. The way we already were as kids.
In fact pickup is one way to free us from these chains. EACH ONE OF US has freedom already. We just have to reclaim it.
Think Jim Carey in The Mask. He transforms from Mr. Nice Guy into a fearless invincible guy when he put on The Mask. The Mask released his id from his super-conscious. He was free from “you’re not supposed to this.” Total non-self-consciousness. More powerful as a result.
What other people think of me? Screw that. Just do the right thing. Be friendly and give love to EVERYONE. That’s higher than what people might think of me.
Freedom makes you stronger. And attractive. Check out this example below. When I think of social freedom, it’s what I think of.
3. Be the selector
From David DeAngelo, page 10 – 11 in Double Your Dating:
“Females select males most of the time in nature…
“Sooooooo… when talking to women… point out that you are the selector and not the selectee… It points out something to the woman that she’s most likely NEVER HEARD FROM A MAN IN HER ENTIRE LIFE.”
It’s such a simple, but profound insight in how to create attraction in women.
Later in the book David DeAngelo also says:
“(Helitzer) said (in “Comedy Writing Secrets”) that most of being funny is the CHARACTER and not the jokes.
“The lines didn’t much matter, as long as they fit in with the character. Now that I have created this CHARACTER for myself, things are all different. Women now call me. They pursue me. They want to be around me. It’s strange and magical and weird.”
PLAY the CHARACTER of THE SELECTOR. You play the high-status male. And she’s chasing YOU. Creates a masculine-feminine sexual charge. She laughs. But in every joke, a kernel of truth in it. You’re high-status, she’s-chasing-you. All said on the subconscious level. Creates attraction.
Just playing like kids in a sandbox. But with spice. And masculine-feminine sexual undertones.
4. Be Dominant
Don’t put a woman on a pedestal. Don’t kiss her ass. Don’t spend hordes of money before she’s had sex with you. Don’t put up with her bitchy behavior.
Women WILL take advantage of you. Disrespect you. Resent you… if you do.
Women want a guy who’s in charge. A guy who expects her to carry her own weight. A guy who doesn’t reward her bad behavior. A guy who draws boundaries.
A MAN who’s in control of himself, the situation, and her (NOT an oppressive dictator, but with respect).
Next time you’re talking to a woman, and she starts looking at her phone or leaves you out say this. “Hey, party’s over here.” OR “Introduce me to your friends, it’s the polite thing to do.” (Credit: Tyler Durgen for first line. Mystery for second line.)
She’d be like: “He won’t let me get away with my bullshit. I can respect him.”
Be the dominant one. Let her be the cute one. These masculine-feminine roles are THE key to attracting women.
5. Be Decisive
Sometimes people will criticize you for making the wrong decision. So we fear making a decision. To screw up.
It’s better to make a bad decision than to make no decision. I got this from Elliot Katz in his book “Being The Strong Man A Woman Wants.” Great book.
If the decision turns out to be the wrong one, fine. Owning up to mistakes is actually a sign of strength. Never deny or blame for your mistakes. Own up to them.
So, the biggest thing I’ve learned about being more decisive is this. It’s okay to make mistakes. Just decide. If it’s the wrong decision, learn from it. We don’t admire people who stand back in fear. We respect people who have the confidence to take charge.
What you can do to practice this:
1. Next time you’re out with friends and no one knows where to go to eat, say “we’ll go here.” Lots of times people are just looking for a leader. Step into that role.
2. Next time you’re with a woman, don’t ask her where you should go. Decide. It’s far more attractive.
3. Next time you’re by yourself and you have to make a decision, listen to your gut. Socrates used to call this his “inner voice.” And he said it never steered him wrong. Listen to it. And go with it 100%.
Decisiveness sharpens your masculinity. And, of course, makes you more attractive to women.
6. Increase Your Testosterone
Four ways to do this:
- Sleep: 7-8 hours a night. Your body makes testosterone while you’re sleeping. Ever wondered why you get morning wood? Hello. Without enough sleep, can’t produce testosterone. 4, 5, 6 hours of sleep? Won’t cut it. Feeling stressed all the time? Won’t cut it. When stressed, cortisol levels high. When cortisol levels are high, testosterone low. So take 10-30 minutes breaks into highly focused 60 minute blocks of work. And get 7-8 hours of sleep a night.
- Exercise: The more fat you have, the more adipose tissue converts testosterone into estrogen, lowering testosterone levels. Exercise blasts fat. Less fat, more muscle… the higher the testosterone. Push-ups in the morning. Lift weights. Jump rope. Bike. Play basketball. At least 30 minutes a day is all you need. (If you want more info, check out my article “Lost Fat, Gain Muscle.”)
- Sex: Erections puts “testosterone” fuel in your sex drive tank. Scientists found that men’s testosterone levels were higher after looking at porn than before looking at porn. Yeah. So, get erections, look at sexy pictures, have sex. See? Increasing your testosterone can be fuuuuuun!
- Diet: Eating protein helps increase testosterone. Whey protein is the best because it has all the amino acids your body needs. Protein shakes are great. Steaks, eggs, bacon, burger, fish, nuts are good too. In fact, believe it or not, cholesterol is a precursor of testosterone. So eating red meat can actually help you increase testosterone.
Increasing testosterone is fun. It’s just being a guy again.
7. Make Achieving Your Life’s Purpose #1 in Your Life, Not Women
This picture is THE secret to success with women. Don’t make your woman #1. Find your mission in life. Make this #1. Don’t make intimacy your priority. Make it your purpose.
Mary Jane wants Spiderman to stay. She’s sad he’s gotta leave for “war” and be a superhero. She tells him all the time, “please don’t go.” He goes anyway. You can tell how disappointed she is.
But can you imagine if Spiderman said, “Actually you’re right. I won’t go. You’re more important than protecting humankind. You’re the most important thing in my life. Who cares if I’m needed. I’m staying here with you.” She might be glad, but she’d probably also feel let down.
You’ll hear a woman say she wants you to make her #1. The irony is she’ll love and admire you more if she’s not. If you make your woman your priority, she’ll feel like you’re dependent on her for your happiness. She’ll feel smothered. She’ll feel she doesn’t really have a man.
I don’t think she would ever admit she doesn’t want to be number one. She’ll complain she wants more of you. But what she really wants is for you to be dedicated to your purpose–and to also love her fully.
You have a gift to give to the world, everyone does. Don’t submit to your woman and kiss her ass. Discover your gift and purpose. Despite her pleas to the contrary, make giving your deepest gift to the world your priority.
I’ve gotta give credit where credit it due. I learned this insight from David Deida. And it changed my life.
We’ll inevitably get this question. “Does this make me look fat?” How do you respond? The best response is to agree… jokingly. “Yeah… I wasn’t going to say anything.” She’ll hit you on the arm. That’s a good thing. Hehe
See how Mary-Jane just relaxes and surrenders in Spidey’s arms? Women yearn for this. See how Spidey is like a rock? Solid, strong, still, protective. That’s the role we want to play with women.
When we’re strong and able to steer the course of things, whether sexually, financially, emotionally, spiritually, it allows her to let go and relax.